*โข.ยธโก สแดแดก แดแด สแดแด แดsแด สแดษดแดแดษช สส แดสสแด แดสแด วซแดษชษดแดส โกยธ.โข*
Bleach and its characters are not mine, and this fiction was only inspired by the original.
Warnings: Warning! A pissed-off Quincy on the warpath against a redhead Soul Repear!
Author's Note: This is a spoof lemon of Bleach. Culled from the original, Bleach & its characters are not mine. What will happen if Uryu tries to learn how to use Bankai? Will he be able to defeat Ichigo? Please be advised all the characters are way OOC; this is written for fun. English is not my native tongue, and I am still trying to improve my grammar tenses problems, so please bear with this novice writer. This is licensed under the creative commons. No part of this fiction can be used without my permission.
There has to be a switch or an alarm that tells you when a relationship has to expire, or one of the partners has reached their limits and needs to be away from their partner before they hurt their other half.
I had lived with Ichigo for many years now, and I had reached my patience with the man. I have never pictured myself in that situation before now that I'm in one. We had a good start, a Quincy and a soul reaper, what a combination; there's got to be a law against this union, they could never be, it couldn't or shouldn't be recognized nor even be accepted. But the thing is, whatever we are in the other dimension or world, we are still both human and top it all men. That alone should make us think twice about it. But alas, I let Ishi junior decide for me when it jumped out of its confines and greeted his Ichi junior, or should it be Ichigo supersize! If you could only see the size of that thing, (no wonder Orihime has her panties bunched up or even Yoruichi would transform to human in her naked form to be with Ichigo!) I mean, I literary moaned when I felt that colossal rod was poking at me between my legs. That alone is one of the many wonders of Kurasaki Ichigo, and he set the two worlds in a frenzy just by his mere presence.
"Uryu," he called me the minute he walked in the door.
I unconsciously moaned. No matter the number of years we add to our relationship, this man could turn me into jello just by merely calling my name. The man is sex on two legs. There's no other way to describe him. The women have regular catfights whenever he talks to one of them. If I were a weak person or had no special skills or powers, I would be dead by now because the women will skin you alive, even the soul reapers are after him, Rangiku is the scariest of them all; she's big and powerful and one beyatch you're not supposed to tangle with when it comes to their men, good thing I'm a Quincy.
Ichigo even had to use Bankai to protect me from Rukia and Renji. Sometimes I wonder why I allowed myself in this position but, Ichigo Kurasaki is all worth it. I'm lucky to have him.
"Welcome home." I greeted, smiling.
But some good things have their end. For Ichigo and me, it's this time. I don't want to do this, but he broke one of the unwritten partnership rules: deception when you lie to your partner or violate their trust. I trusted him, and he even told me that nothing was going on between Rukia and him. But I caught him, and I know he cheated me and lied flat out to my face. I know I'm not the hottest thing walking in two legs, but I am the last of my line, and yes, another man, but still I threw all caution to the wind so that I can be with him. And I was the catcher in the relationship; how could I ever stoop so low?
"I'll call you later. I can't talk right now. Yes. At the usual place." I heard whispers in the dead of night.
Ichigo never set his phone to vibrate; he loves this game ring tone he just downloaded, and he would even dance to it every time his phone rings. He even bugged me to call him so that he would hear it. But these past few days, I haven't listened to his phone ring, and he doesn't bug me about calling him. He is always out of the house, and I don't know where and who he is with. It's probably my fault because I never asked before, I never cared before. We are classmates, so we usually go home simultaneously; he doesn't even have clubs as I do. And his other friends like Chad and the others have their own lives and activities, so they don't invite him somewhere, and if they do, they ask me, even half-heartedly they would, because they knew that Ichigo and I are together.
I never drink. And I prided myself on being a strong man. But I do love that redhead with everything I got. There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do if it involved Ichigo. Hell, I even asked his father and sister's permission that Ichigo moves in with me. But, I have a hard time dealing with this and the situation at hand. I don't know what's going on, and I have already run out of ideas about how to get it out of him without him lying to me more.
I decided on one desperate attempt. Seduce him. And ask him after the deed. Not only would I get rid of these sexual tensions that had been eating at me, but I would also finally get the truth out in the open. I'm not a sexual person; in fact, most of our sexcapades are initiated by the redhead. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
I waited in bed, drunk from the big bottle of sake I purchased on the way home. I even went online got those sexy tongs they were advertising, not knowing how to put it on; I even had to surf the net and look at naked pictures to be sure I got the right side on. When I got that done, I showered in those new scents of body soap that I know he will love. Scent Of Passion, it says, but it's just strawberry-scented liquid soap. I changed the bedsheets, again, purchased red silk thin sheets just for this.
I was spraying body spray when I heard the door open. I clumsily sprinted on the bed, tripped, and almost hurt myself because I was so drunk I couldn't walk straight. I'm going to kill someone, especially a soul reaper with red hair, if I don't know the truth by the end of this night. I managed to flop down on the bed without any more incident or desperate tumble that would have killed me with all his toys and gadgets all over the bedroom floor.
I was heaving like a person with an asthma attack when the said soul reaper finally humbled me with his presence. He stood by the door eyed the candles all over the place.
"U-Uryu, what's this?" he asked, a little taken aback, not only by the romantic setting I had desperately put together but also his frigid lover is half-naked on the bed wearing tongs with bells on it and half drunk.
I reached for him awkwardly, doing what the guy in the porn I watched the other day did to seduce his lover. "C-Come here, lover," I called in a whisper, not knowing how to sound sexy.
The air was so quiet I almost heard Ichigo gulp across the room.
"O-okay." He said and took a step, watching his way from all the candles all over the floor.
"Take off your clothes," I commanded; my head is spinning from all that sake, but I'm determined to pull this off.
"Oh, right." He said, fumbling with jackets, shirts, and pants; he yelped when he almost burned one of his clothes and decided to blow out some of the candles near the bed.
"Hurry up!" I cried impatiently.
"Yes!" he yelled and jumped up on the bed, panting; I let out a moan at the sight of the sexy Ichigo. Yes, this. I want to keep thisโall mine. No beyatch is going to steal my man.
"What's all these?" he asked, huskily, trailing his fingers on my chest, the dog collar with a chain; I let out a loud moan as if his mere touch left burning trails across my body. When his fingers fumbled with the bells on my tongs, I tilted my head back and caught my breath in my throat. I heard him gulp again.
"Y-You don't like it?" I asked him, a little breathless. My hair was pulled back with mousse, and I was wearing contacts to see him, posing the way I saw the actor in the porn movie.
"You did these all for me?" he asked, leaning closer, his breath on my skin. I don't need the sake to get me intoxicated; having Ichigo this close is all I need to get me high and drunk.
"Yes." I replied, in a whisper, closing my eyes, "I'm your pet, tame me, master." I said, handing him the end of the chain connected to the collar on my neck. I meant it, too. Without realizing it, I wasn't role-playing anymore. Because I know I am his.
"Uryu." He whispered, kissing the crook of my neck, and I drowned myself at that moment.
Ichigo kissed the Quincy real slow, like a delectable feast; he savored every bite, nip, and kiss. He has never seen his shy lover this way, and he had never seen him behave this way. And he felt a little guilty for ignoring him these past few days. He had been busy planning something for the last Quincy of the netherworlds.
Heady and dizzy for the sake and Ichigo's kisses, he was panting. Ichigo opened him like a present, as it was his birthday, not Uryu's. Trailing hot kisses down his body, taking those tiny buds in his mouth, sucking and nipping them between his teeth until it's all red and hard, he didn't leave a part of Uryu's body unexplored, and he went love bites everywhere. Uryu was moaning weakly, and it took a lot of willpower for him not to cream right then and there.
"Now, I want you now." He whispered desperately, moaning, gripping the silk sheets around him.
"Wait. Wait, love." Ichigo whispered as he took him in his mouth, licking him like a melting popsicle, sticking his tongue in his lover's hole, tasting him, moaning at the pleasure of his essence. Ichigo was drowning in the joy of Uryu's body. So smooth, even the man's sweat tasted good.
"You tasted so good, babe," Ichigo murmured, licking him down to his toes, and he took each digit in his mouth, sucking, licking, not leaving any part untouched, and then he climbed back up. So I was again kissing, licking, and nipping a new path up the man's body.
Uryu was moaning and bucking his hips closer to Ichigo, foreplay and role-play forgotten; all he wants is Ichigo on top of him. Dizzy from desire, his arms flailing, reaching for him.
"Now, please," Uryu begged.
"Yes, my love, now." He said, reaching for his hand and kissing it.
He positioned himself between the Quincy, teasing his entrance with the tip; Uryu bucked his hips to meet him eagerly, "Now, Ichigo." He moaned. So, Ichigo complied with his wishes, entered him smoothly, and it was hot and tight; he closed his eyes in pleasure at the tightness. No matter how many times they had done it, Uryu is always tight. Uryu can squeeze him in, eat him, and suck him in. Ichigo let out a moan as he began to move, slowly at first, and then developed his speed, rolling his hips and plunging deeper and deeper into the tight wetness known as his lover's sweet hole.
Then Uryu did something he had never done before in all their times together, and he sat up on top of his lover, his lithe body on top of Ichigo, his arms around the soul reaper's neck. And they began their dance again, one hip meeting the other, faster, deeper. The two men forgot how many times they had done it that night. All the candles burnt out of the room when they both flopped back on the bed, still connected in the dark, arms around each other. Whispering I love you's and kissing welcoming the day in each other's arms.
When Uryu woke up, he couldn't move. He reached for the redhead sleepily, but he wasn't there. He had forgotten about his plan about interrogating him about those calls in the middle of the night, and yes, the times he went home so late. But his partner wasn't there. Finally, when he found the strength to get up, he found a note from Ichigo to meet him somewhere.
The Quincy was pissed, and he threw away the letter. He tried calling Ichigo, but the redhead wouldn't answer his phone. So furious, he dug up the letter again and went to the appointed location. It was an old canteen where they first met as classmates, Uryu was on his way home, and Ichigo coaxed him to join him for a snack. It was officially their very first date.
Why would Ichigo want to meet him there? That place was already closed down. He knocked on the door; he was doubtful that anyone would be there, but still, he tried.
"Hello?" he asked, knocking carefully; the door opened. His sixth sense tingled when the door opened to a dark room.
"Ichigo?" he called. He heard a thud, and he ran in, fearing his lover might be in danger.
"Surprise!!" a group of people yelled, and bright lights almost blinded him. The culprit is in the center of the room, holding a giant birthday cake, all smiles. Everyone is there. Even Byakuya and all the other captains are there.
"Happy Birthday, Uryu!" they all shouted.
Uryu was caught by surprise. So this is all the hiding and secret rendezvous was all about; he was touched. Yes, he was. Ichigo did all of this for him.
But Uryu was still pissed, and everyone was drunk; Kenpachi is bellowing to his heart's content while holding the microphone singing to some pop song. Everyone is singing along with him, everyone is happy.
Ichigo walked up to him, and he was sitting in the corner watching everything.
"What are you doing over here, babe?" he asked, a little disappointed that he didn't get the reaction he wanted from Quincy.
"Oh, I'm still a little sore from all the acrobatics we did last night, but thank you for this, Ichigo. You caught me by surprise." Uryu said with a smile.
"So these all the secrets were about, the whispering and late nights." Ichigo grinned happily as he nodded.
Uryu leaned closer to him, and Ichigo smiled, he will finally get the kiss that he had been waiting for
But Uryu didn't kiss him, "Ichigo, you have that badge with you, right?" he asked curiously, which means the seal that changes him to a soul reaper. Ichigo nodded and showed it to him.
Uryu took it. "What do you want with it?" he asked, as Quincy took it from him and, without answering, slapped it across his forehead, changing him to a soul reaper.
"Why did you do that for?" Ichigo asked, surprised.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the pair. Uryu didn't reply; he took Ichigo by the hand, standing up.
"Could you lend me your zanpaku-to?" Uryu asked his lover.
"Huh?" Ichigo had a dumb look on his face but unsheathed the sword and handed it to his lover, curious what Quincy would do.
Everyone was mesmerized; no one said a single word. Uryu took the big sword with both hands, a little big for his small frame, but he managed to raise it to his head with both hands.
"What are you doing, babe?" Ichigo started to ask worriedly.
"Bankai!!!" Uryu cried and started chopping after the redhead soul reaper, busy running away from him.
Uryu kept shouting, "Bankai!"
Everyone was laughing, "You go, Ishida!" Then, Renji cried, "Chop his balls out!"
"Renji, you bastard! Honey! Stop it! That's not how it is done, and you are not a soul reaper!" he cried, crouching against the tall Kenpachi. Everyone moves away, laughing.
"The brave Kurasaki was running away from a Quincy after beating the Arrancar." The tenth captain, Toshiro Hitsugaya, commented.
"After I did the @$#$#@ and the #$%#$#, you didn't tell me about this!" Uryu was furious. Isshin asked Yuzu and Karin to cover their ears, and everyone gasped in surprise.
"You go, Uryu!" Orihime cried. The men chuckle as they watch Quincy's mild manner running after Ichigo with his zanpaku-to, screaming Bankai and other explicit details on how they spent their nights behind closed doors.
In the end, Renji secretly tells Ishida that he will teach him how to develop and use Bankai for his next battle with Ichigo. In bed.
Owari
Author's note: Some words are changed, not typo error but done on purpose, but if you read it carefully, you would know what the accurate term is. And the #&@^#(# and @(#@()$# well, I don't need to explain what those are.
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