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AMurderOfCrows
Moon
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2022
There are times in my life where I just need to let stuff go but a lot of stuff really bothers me. It just eats at me and makes want to cry. I really didn't want to talk about this but now I feel like I have too. I've spent the last month a half or so in the hospital. I went in on December, 16th, 2021 and left on January, 19th, 2022. That's thirty four days. I missed Christmas and New Years in the hospital. And nothing changed. It feels like I'm always the person at the bottom of totem pole. I'm always the one singled out and mistreated no matter what I do. I don't get it. I really don't. I don't even know what to say anymore. I feel like no one cares about me. I really do.
Earlier I found myself sitting on the couch in my living room wondering why I even left in the hospital in the first place. It feels inevitable that I'll end up back there again. In terms of what was wrong, I apparently have schizoaffective disorder which is terrifying honestly. That's not even the worst part, while I was in the hospital one of the medications caused me to develop a blood clot in both of my lungs. Now I'm on blood thinners as well. I feel like the world's punching bag at this point. That's the worst part. Dealing with people. I fought so hard to get out of the hospital and for what? Just so people could hurl more insults at me? It's ridiculous. I just want people to know that I'm not alright. I want to people show me compassion and empathy but I also know that I can't force people to do that.
It's crazy to me that people can't notice me when I'm gone for more then a month but can notice when I leave a conversation. It's hard not to be bitter and resentful right now but
I'm trying my best. That's all I ever do and it's not enough for some people. It's also crazy to me how people who care so much about the community can't recognize when a member of that community isn't doing well and doesn't even think to ask.
Earlier I found myself sitting on the couch in my living room wondering why I even left in the hospital in the first place. It feels inevitable that I'll end up back there again. In terms of what was wrong, I apparently have schizoaffective disorder which is terrifying honestly. That's not even the worst part, while I was in the hospital one of the medications caused me to develop a blood clot in both of my lungs. Now I'm on blood thinners as well. I feel like the world's punching bag at this point. That's the worst part. Dealing with people. I fought so hard to get out of the hospital and for what? Just so people could hurl more insults at me? It's ridiculous. I just want people to know that I'm not alright. I want to people show me compassion and empathy but I also know that I can't force people to do that.
It's crazy to me that people can't notice me when I'm gone for more then a month but can notice when I leave a conversation. It's hard not to be bitter and resentful right now but
I'm trying my best. That's all I ever do and it's not enough for some people. It's also crazy to me how people who care so much about the community can't recognize when a member of that community isn't doing well and doesn't even think to ask.