Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Santa in trouble - the householder wakes

Joined
Sep 21, 2013
Location
London
Santa was nearing the end of his deliveries. There were so many children in the world now that he had had to outsource most of the work that his predecessors had carried out single-handed, with just the help of a few elves. Now Santa limited his personal schedule on Christmas Eve. Even with the reduced workload, and the help of his senior elf, it was exhausting. Which was how it happened.

If he had been fresh at the start of the evening, he would have been more careful. But cloud was covering moon, so he missed the glisten of the ice on the roof as he dismounted from his sleigh. In an instant, his feet went from under him and he landed with a thud on the slippery tiles of the house. He reached out instinctively for something to grab, but found only air. He was sliding now, down the roof towards the gutter, praying that there would be a soft bed of snow to break his fall.

He only learned his fate when he was feet from the ground with his legs spread wide. The cloud finally moved enough to allow moon light to illuminate the yard behind the house. And there, directly in Santa's path, was a fence. He could not change course and it was too late to bring his legs together. For those last fateful seconds, he knew what awaited him.

'ARGH'

Santa's full weight crushed his balls as they hit the broad plank that formed the top of the fence. He rocked back and forth as the pain shot into his belly and the agony flooded his brain. Then he toppled off, landing on his back on the frozen ground with a loud grunt before curling up in a ball.

Only two pairs of ears heard his cry. One pair belonged to this elf, who had been searching out the parcel to leave at this isolated farm. The other pair belonged to the woman who lived there alone.
 
The elf immediately realised what had happened. Carefully, edging his way across the roof, moving from foothold to handhold to foothold, he managed to reach the gutter and peep over the edge. In the now clear light of the moon, it was all to easy to see Santa's fate. The elf slithered along until he reached a drain pipe, which he used to descend to the ground. Feeling safe, he rushed towards Santa, only to trip and slide most of the way, colliding with Santa and eliciting a curse.

The woman had just returned from the bathroom when she heard slithering noises on her roof followed, after a pause, by a howl and, shortly after, a dull thud. She jumped out of bed, pulled on her dressing gown and reached for the shot gun that she kept to repel intruders. She emerged into the yard just as the elf collided with Santa.

'Don't move,' she shouted.

Neither Santa nor his elf moved. Santa because of the pain in his crotch. The elf because of the twin gun barrels in his face.
 
Back
Top Bottom