Is marriage an outdated institution?

[Jericho Z. Barrons]

What are your opinions about marriage as it exists and functions today?
Are there things you would change about it legally(like, signing the contract and how it is dissolved, etc.)?
How do you define relationships that are healthy?
If two people have been together for a long time, do you think they should get married?

I'm of the opinion that relationships should be allowed to be more fluid in our day and age than restricting them to "I have to be with one person for the entire rest of my life." I am not the same person I was at 18, 25, or even 32. I think it's nice if you've found someone to go on this journey with, long-term, who grows with you. But I've had relationships, people I loved, during the different phases of my life and I don't think it means I'm broken simply because I haven't been with one person for many many years. I look upon those experiences with both fondness and regret but ultimately have decided the life I would have had if I stayed with each is not who i am now and not who I wanted to be. I mean, I think it's okay and healthy to live in the now and appreciate what someone does for you and what you can do for them in return, and accept that the future may or may not include them as a part of your journey to find fulfillment. And there's nothing wrong with being with someone for many years, growing and changing together. I just think it's outdated to get the law involved.

 

[Lydia]

Ooh, good question (like always).

I think this is one of those topics where people’s personal experiences really strongly color their opinions about the institution as a whole.

There’s a huge distinction to be made between the legal and emotional aspects of marriage. Personally, I don’t believe the legal status of a relationship has any bearing on how healthy/loving/supportive/fulfilling a relationship is, nor does someone’s marital status say much about their “quality” as a person.

Whether or not lifelong marriage is good is entirely dependent on the person, their partner, and their circumstances. I’ve been married for a little over 11 years and can say with a lot of confidence that marriage has been great for me. I love being partnered up with someone I love, trust, and respect - as a team, we’ve been able to do more than either of us could do individually. I believe that we are both better versions of the people we met years and years ago - it’s time and experience, but it’s also having each other. We work together really well, and while we have different hobbies and stuff, we fundamentally agree on the important things: values, life philosophy, attitude toward money, etc. And I just, y’know, not only love him, but I also like him a lot. He’s funny and smart and a fantastic dad and has cool interests and great taste.

I’ve known a lot of other people for whom marriage was a disaster (including my parents).

Ultimately, I don’t think marriage in itself is good or bad - it’s all about the compatibility and needs of the people involved. There are legal advantages and protections to being married by the government, which are often important when money or children are involved, but that’s also often really situational - good for some, bad for others.

 

[M.G.B.]

I think it's important to take into account that marriage did not start out as a for-love institution. Marriage was often about survival, two families merging to be stronger and the actual union an act of "combining blood" so to speak to seal the contract and start a new generation through it. Having a kid after marriage was paramount, that was the real binder there, cause now that was the first person that was part of both families innately. Arranged marriage was normal because of how often it was used to form alliances of all sorts. Love came as a secondary consideration.

Now, love is largely the only motivator. This is less a merging of two families' resources and more just two people's. Really, the legal parts of it (beyond the religious, if that's a factor for some folks these days) is its primary feature. There are parts of marriage law that I can agree are outdated, but by and large, marriage is a contract agreement. If someone wants to be more fluid with their relationships, they can, marriage as an institution doesn't prevent that. It's for people who have chosen that level of stability. Really, the only problem I see is the pushed narrative that you have to get married. It's a perception that leads to poor decisions. People think it'll fix a relationship, others think it's necessary to have one that lasts a certain period of time.

Really, marriage itself does need a few things fixed (the way an ex-spouse can make life so difficult for a person because of marriage laws is stupid) but beyond that, I really think it's just the messaging around marriage that needs to be changed. It's an option, just not the only one.

 

[Maze]

I like to think that people should do whatever makes them feel happy however they feel they want their relationship to be because in the end, it is up to them. There are so many ways people find commitments that work for them which is great. I have no issues with marriage or everything surrounding it. I am married myself and I wouldn't change anything about it. I didn't go into it thinking about signing contracts or what if something happened later on where it would end. I guess I'm an optimistic person when it comes to things like that.

I have been with my husband since 2013, we have been married for two years. If two people have been together for a good while and they feel and want to get married-not by pressure of outside influences-they should. Only if they want to though. Again, there are all sorts of ways people commit to one another. Whatever works is most important and it doesn't necessarily have to mean marriage.

As far as healthy relationships, speaking only from personal experience. I know everyone has different opinions on the matter. Compromise from both you and your partner, a willingness to listen to one another and communicate. No one is a mind reader. So much miscommunication happens when people don't talk with one another, believe me I know.

 

[Sync]

I've been married since 1999. Wouldn't change a thing about what I have with my wife. We're not only married, we're also good friends, and we understand each other and support each other. Are we perfect? No, we're human. But we make what we have work for us.

However, as with all things, it's not the institution or system that is the problem - the problem lies in the people who work to break it.

If marriage is not for you, that's fine - don't ruin it for those who enjoy it.

If marriage is for you, that's fine - don't ruin it for those who don't want it.

If you've tried marriage and it didn't work for you, then I'm sorry that it failed for you - but don't wreck things for others.

10-4.

 

[Mustang]

I think like most things it is what the two people involved in it want it to be. If of course the two people want marriage at all. I don't agree with the idea of society expecting people to get married or arranged marriages etc. That is a different discussion altogether, but if two people want to commit in that way to one another I don't see why it is such a bad thing.