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Planetoid
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2020
Before I start this, please no answers like, you just need to leave. Stop helping her. So on and so forth. I know. I know. Trust me, I know. I have tried, and each time I do, there is this voice that whispers out, "Please, don't give up on her."
So, their is a woman in my life, (I know, this never goes well.) but she is extremely dear to me, and I love her like I have never loved anyone in my life. There is a deep, powerful connection between us and we both know. However, she has lived her entire life with emotionally abusive narcassists, people who have taught her that love is pain. Including the guy she is with right now, calls her a whore, a drunken idiot, loser, the bar slut, just...everything you can imagine in the world to insult and beat someone down, he does it. He stalks her. They have "dated" for 9 years, if you call seeing someone a couple hours a week, dating. She has met his family a total of maybe 3 times in those 9 years and never does what he says, he just, says things and makes promises which he then makes excuses for, or says he has the thing he got her but its at his parents house. She will listen to any and every excuse he can make and always just accepts its the truth, despite him never ever showing it to be. There is never proof.
I have been trying my best to just be there when she needs me...which is a lot. I sometimes pull off my route, to do her job for her, because he drove her until depression and heavy drinking, and I don't want her to lose her house. The next part, is not some kind of flex, or something I do to get something, these are things I do, because I genuinely love her and caring for her. I rub her feet every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day. Cook her dinner, mop up the animals poop and pee, do her laundry, wash out her bathtub, do her dishes, buy her alcohol to keep off the shakes, some of this I do in the early morning, waking up extra early before I go to work, just to try and start her day off well. I adore her and all of her animals, who we both love like kids. And buy cleaning the poop, one of them I literally have to shovel out his kennel because she lets it build up.
Recently, she has had electrical issues and has been waiting on him for over 2 months to deal with it. He keeps making excuses, or shows up to do it, but then doesn't. Last week, a chord caught fire, under a blanket, under her new sectional. I barely caught it in time, 2nd burns on my hand when the melted cord flung across my hands when I pulled the blanket back. She is acting like it's no big deal. The night before she was passed out on the sectional, lying right above where the fire would have been. She would have died...all 20 animals would have died. I would have come back the next day, to nothing but her ashes. Everything I love so deeply, gone. And she just lets it go. She calls those animals her kids, but doesn't care that his negligence would have caused there death.
I save her so much. For months, the only reason she ate anything, was because I was bringing her a sandwich every night at like 11 pm. I recently made one of her biggest dreams come true. I bought her tickets to Vegas to see Tiesto on Halloween night. She hides that I am the one who bought the tickets. I wanted to go with her, but if I don't stay behind and watch the animals, she will just being going through separation anxiety the whole time. So, stay I will.
Says she loves me. That it makes her cry with how honest she can be with me. That I am the closest thing to a healthy relationship she has ever had. That she knows I care about her more than he does.
Part of me knows, I need to just let her hit rock bottom, because he won't help her. I just don't know how. I have been there. After my divorce. I was in the void. It's so dark, lonely, empty, and cold. The light is so far away, smaller than a star in the night's sky. The ground isn't rocky like the name suggests, it's a dank mire. Even the slightest movement is labored, sluggish, and completely exhausts you. Even getting to the walls of the pit is a fight. Walls that are slimy and slick, it's cold but burns your hands. Holding on to the hope that you can get out actively hurts you. And just when you think you have climbed out, you realized you only climbed out, to the roots of a mountain. I don't want for her to endure that...she has already suffered so much.
I don't think this is for advice, maybe I just need to let it out. It's so clear he doesn't love her, trust her, respect her, or anything she says she wants. I keep praying she will open her eyes, she will see the truth. Even if there is no hope for her and I, I don't want her to stay with someone so putrid and vile. She has my heart, whether we are together or not. I have no concerns about living along, because I could never give my heart to someone other than her. Even after a decade of no contact, I still loved her, could never stop even while I was married. I had to cut off a part of myself and that just led to depression and self loathing. I just want her to be happy, healthy, and to value herself to know she deserves better and act like it.
He scares me, he shows so many extremely dangerous red flags. He has grabbed her and roughly jerked her around to smell her breath for alcohol, but she claims he doesn't physically abuse her. Her blind, self indulging ignorance is going to get her killed, and I will have lost the one woman I always loved and always will.
So, their is a woman in my life, (I know, this never goes well.) but she is extremely dear to me, and I love her like I have never loved anyone in my life. There is a deep, powerful connection between us and we both know. However, she has lived her entire life with emotionally abusive narcassists, people who have taught her that love is pain. Including the guy she is with right now, calls her a whore, a drunken idiot, loser, the bar slut, just...everything you can imagine in the world to insult and beat someone down, he does it. He stalks her. They have "dated" for 9 years, if you call seeing someone a couple hours a week, dating. She has met his family a total of maybe 3 times in those 9 years and never does what he says, he just, says things and makes promises which he then makes excuses for, or says he has the thing he got her but its at his parents house. She will listen to any and every excuse he can make and always just accepts its the truth, despite him never ever showing it to be. There is never proof.
I have been trying my best to just be there when she needs me...which is a lot. I sometimes pull off my route, to do her job for her, because he drove her until depression and heavy drinking, and I don't want her to lose her house. The next part, is not some kind of flex, or something I do to get something, these are things I do, because I genuinely love her and caring for her. I rub her feet every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day. Cook her dinner, mop up the animals poop and pee, do her laundry, wash out her bathtub, do her dishes, buy her alcohol to keep off the shakes, some of this I do in the early morning, waking up extra early before I go to work, just to try and start her day off well. I adore her and all of her animals, who we both love like kids. And buy cleaning the poop, one of them I literally have to shovel out his kennel because she lets it build up.
Recently, she has had electrical issues and has been waiting on him for over 2 months to deal with it. He keeps making excuses, or shows up to do it, but then doesn't. Last week, a chord caught fire, under a blanket, under her new sectional. I barely caught it in time, 2nd burns on my hand when the melted cord flung across my hands when I pulled the blanket back. She is acting like it's no big deal. The night before she was passed out on the sectional, lying right above where the fire would have been. She would have died...all 20 animals would have died. I would have come back the next day, to nothing but her ashes. Everything I love so deeply, gone. And she just lets it go. She calls those animals her kids, but doesn't care that his negligence would have caused there death.
I save her so much. For months, the only reason she ate anything, was because I was bringing her a sandwich every night at like 11 pm. I recently made one of her biggest dreams come true. I bought her tickets to Vegas to see Tiesto on Halloween night. She hides that I am the one who bought the tickets. I wanted to go with her, but if I don't stay behind and watch the animals, she will just being going through separation anxiety the whole time. So, stay I will.
Says she loves me. That it makes her cry with how honest she can be with me. That I am the closest thing to a healthy relationship she has ever had. That she knows I care about her more than he does.
Part of me knows, I need to just let her hit rock bottom, because he won't help her. I just don't know how. I have been there. After my divorce. I was in the void. It's so dark, lonely, empty, and cold. The light is so far away, smaller than a star in the night's sky. The ground isn't rocky like the name suggests, it's a dank mire. Even the slightest movement is labored, sluggish, and completely exhausts you. Even getting to the walls of the pit is a fight. Walls that are slimy and slick, it's cold but burns your hands. Holding on to the hope that you can get out actively hurts you. And just when you think you have climbed out, you realized you only climbed out, to the roots of a mountain. I don't want for her to endure that...she has already suffered so much.
I don't think this is for advice, maybe I just need to let it out. It's so clear he doesn't love her, trust her, respect her, or anything she says she wants. I keep praying she will open her eyes, she will see the truth. Even if there is no hope for her and I, I don't want her to stay with someone so putrid and vile. She has my heart, whether we are together or not. I have no concerns about living along, because I could never give my heart to someone other than her. Even after a decade of no contact, I still loved her, could never stop even while I was married. I had to cut off a part of myself and that just led to depression and self loathing. I just want her to be happy, healthy, and to value herself to know she deserves better and act like it.
He scares me, he shows so many extremely dangerous red flags. He has grabbed her and roughly jerked her around to smell her breath for alcohol, but she claims he doesn't physically abuse her. Her blind, self indulging ignorance is going to get her killed, and I will have lost the one woman I always loved and always will.
