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HasturTheKing
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2020
It's rare that a movie so bad that I feel as though I need to talk about it. Candyman 2021 is by far the worst movie I've ever seen and I've seen a lot of bad films. I'm a huge fan of slasher films. I've seen every Friday The Thirteenth, I've seen every Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I've seen every Nightmare On ELm Street. There is no other slasher film that is anywhere near as bad as Candyman 2021. It is bad on every level that a film can be bad on. For one, the point of a slasher film is the cool and interesting kills. Well, guess what? Every kill in Candyman 2021 has a jumpcut. You see one person get killed and that's it.
At one point, A character that I was invested in (which was basically the only one) gets killed and the shot is a wide shot. Why would you a kill character in a wide shot? That ruins the entire emotional impact of the scene. The other problem is that a lot of slasher films have been criticized in the past for the fact the characters that get killed aren't well established. Candyman 2021 doesn't even try to establish most of the characters who get killed. I'm going to slightly spoil the film but the movie is so bad that it's not even really a spoiler because the scene has nothing to do with the rest of the film.
There's a scene where a group of highschool girls get killed by Candyman but that's the only scene they're in. They say Candyman in the mirror five times, Candyman shows up and kills them (which we don't even see) and then it's addressed once in the next scene . There's actually a character in that scene who hides in a stall while Candyman kills all the other girls but we never find out what happens to her. I think Candyman killed her but I don't know because she just disappears from the movie. I know that I'm not explaining the plot of the movie but there's not really a plot to explain or atleast a plot that I understand.
From what I gather, the plot of the movie is that Candyman is the original Candyman (The Black guy who got killed for sleeping with a white woman in the original film) and then the main character summons him to kill other white people because of gentrification but then there are other dead black men who are also Candyman but aren't the Candyman. And also, the Artist who is the main character is becoming the next Candyman but then he dies so I don't know what the fuck any of this is suppose to mean. There's no villain in this movie. It's supposed to be about police brutality I guess but the police are in ten percent of the movie. We don't know their names, We don't' know their backstory. We don't know anything about them other then they kill black people I guess. But the movie shows multiple black men getting killed by the police over multiple decades so are these the same cops killing black men in the sixties that are also somehow still alive and killing black people in 2021 or what?
The other problem is that the cops aren't even villains. They kill a man who think they put razor blades in some candy because he has a hook for hand and he gives candy out. So he matches the description of the person who is giving out the razor blade candy but we never find out who put the actual razor blades in the candy. Was it Candyman? Because then Candyman is the villain because he's the reason why the police tried to arrest that guy in the first place. But we're suppose to root for Candyman because he was killed by a mob of angry white people so I don't know who the fucking villain of this movie is. Hell, Candyman kills a black girl in one scene for no reason. She just exists in that scene, Candyman kills her and none of it is ever explained. It just happens and you're left wondering what the fuck is the point of this movie?
There's so many scenes that are meaningless in this film. At one point, The significant other of the main character has a flash back to the time her father killed himself but it's never explained why he killed himself or what the hell any of that has to do with Candyman.
Our main character is also a piece of shit person. He summons Candyman, Gets multiple people killed and shows pride in it but we're somehow suppose to feel bad for him? He's a murderous psychopath who lectures everyone about the plight of the disenfranchised before he essentially sicks a supernatural entity on them to kill them. He's a miserable jerk yet he's the main focus of the entire movie. The only character in this film that I feel bad for is the art critic who gets killed in the wide shot. This movie could've been good if him and the art critic worked together because she thinks his work is dull and cliche which IT FUCKING IS. it's the most surface level social commentary art imaginable yet we're supposed to hate her for pointing that out. She's the only good person in this movie and the only person I like in the entire film. She's also a white woman just like Virginia Madsen's character in the original film. They could've worked together to uncover the truth of Candyman just like in the original film and they could've learned to respect each others positions but instead the movie just kills her off for no reason. I guess to make you mad because they killed the only person you relate to in this entire film in the first hour. Everyone else is pointless. At one point, the main character goes to see his mother and she reveals that he was the baby Candyman kidnapped decades ago. Then she just disappears.
She enters the movie to dump exposition about the main character's past and then he walks out of her apartment. We don't know what happened to her, we don't know what her backstory is. She just exists to explain the backstory of the main character that isn't even really relevant to the plot.
I'm almost a thousand words in and there's like an hour of other random bullshit to talk about. There's a librarian that flirts with the main character at one point then she just disappears. There's a museum curator that talks to the significant other about her father's suicide and then disappears like several characters in this film. The female lead has a gay brother whose very camp and comedy relief I guess.
I've seen a lot of bad movies, a lot of bad slasher films. This movie feels like a film that someone wrote the script for and then it was never edited before it was shot. Because there are characters that you think we're going to explore and are important to the plot who turn out to do nothing. They have no impact on the actual overall plot of the film. It's like they had fifty percent of an idea for a movie and then shot what they had.
It also feels like a film in the wrong genre. Yes it's a movie about police brutality but why the fuck would you make a slasher film about that? This movie is a worse slasher film about police brutality than Maniac Cop and Maniac Cop is a cheesy 80s B movie that came out in 1989. This was a big budget blockbuster film produced by Jordan Peele and yet it's just awful in every convicenceable way that you can judge a film.
There's also a character who works at a laundromat that kidnaps the female lead and I thought he was going to be the villain but then it turns out he wasn't. There is no villain except Candyman but Candyman is just getting revenge but he's also multiple people and I don't fucking know. I don't know what the hell any of what I watched here is,
This is why people hate modern Hollywood and despise remakes/reboots. Fuck this movie.
And I know there will be people who will say "this is a highbrow horror film. You just don't get it." Lars Von Trier is one of my favorite directors. The House That Jack Built is an arthouse slasher films and it might be my favorite slasher film ever . I love Man Bites Dog. This movie is not an art film, It's barely even a film.
At one point, A character that I was invested in (which was basically the only one) gets killed and the shot is a wide shot. Why would you a kill character in a wide shot? That ruins the entire emotional impact of the scene. The other problem is that a lot of slasher films have been criticized in the past for the fact the characters that get killed aren't well established. Candyman 2021 doesn't even try to establish most of the characters who get killed. I'm going to slightly spoil the film but the movie is so bad that it's not even really a spoiler because the scene has nothing to do with the rest of the film.
There's a scene where a group of highschool girls get killed by Candyman but that's the only scene they're in. They say Candyman in the mirror five times, Candyman shows up and kills them (which we don't even see) and then it's addressed once in the next scene . There's actually a character in that scene who hides in a stall while Candyman kills all the other girls but we never find out what happens to her. I think Candyman killed her but I don't know because she just disappears from the movie. I know that I'm not explaining the plot of the movie but there's not really a plot to explain or atleast a plot that I understand.
From what I gather, the plot of the movie is that Candyman is the original Candyman (The Black guy who got killed for sleeping with a white woman in the original film) and then the main character summons him to kill other white people because of gentrification but then there are other dead black men who are also Candyman but aren't the Candyman. And also, the Artist who is the main character is becoming the next Candyman but then he dies so I don't know what the fuck any of this is suppose to mean. There's no villain in this movie. It's supposed to be about police brutality I guess but the police are in ten percent of the movie. We don't know their names, We don't' know their backstory. We don't know anything about them other then they kill black people I guess. But the movie shows multiple black men getting killed by the police over multiple decades so are these the same cops killing black men in the sixties that are also somehow still alive and killing black people in 2021 or what?
The other problem is that the cops aren't even villains. They kill a man who think they put razor blades in some candy because he has a hook for hand and he gives candy out. So he matches the description of the person who is giving out the razor blade candy but we never find out who put the actual razor blades in the candy. Was it Candyman? Because then Candyman is the villain because he's the reason why the police tried to arrest that guy in the first place. But we're suppose to root for Candyman because he was killed by a mob of angry white people so I don't know who the fucking villain of this movie is. Hell, Candyman kills a black girl in one scene for no reason. She just exists in that scene, Candyman kills her and none of it is ever explained. It just happens and you're left wondering what the fuck is the point of this movie?
There's so many scenes that are meaningless in this film. At one point, The significant other of the main character has a flash back to the time her father killed himself but it's never explained why he killed himself or what the hell any of that has to do with Candyman.
Our main character is also a piece of shit person. He summons Candyman, Gets multiple people killed and shows pride in it but we're somehow suppose to feel bad for him? He's a murderous psychopath who lectures everyone about the plight of the disenfranchised before he essentially sicks a supernatural entity on them to kill them. He's a miserable jerk yet he's the main focus of the entire movie. The only character in this film that I feel bad for is the art critic who gets killed in the wide shot. This movie could've been good if him and the art critic worked together because she thinks his work is dull and cliche which IT FUCKING IS. it's the most surface level social commentary art imaginable yet we're supposed to hate her for pointing that out. She's the only good person in this movie and the only person I like in the entire film. She's also a white woman just like Virginia Madsen's character in the original film. They could've worked together to uncover the truth of Candyman just like in the original film and they could've learned to respect each others positions but instead the movie just kills her off for no reason. I guess to make you mad because they killed the only person you relate to in this entire film in the first hour. Everyone else is pointless. At one point, the main character goes to see his mother and she reveals that he was the baby Candyman kidnapped decades ago. Then she just disappears.
She enters the movie to dump exposition about the main character's past and then he walks out of her apartment. We don't know what happened to her, we don't know what her backstory is. She just exists to explain the backstory of the main character that isn't even really relevant to the plot.
I'm almost a thousand words in and there's like an hour of other random bullshit to talk about. There's a librarian that flirts with the main character at one point then she just disappears. There's a museum curator that talks to the significant other about her father's suicide and then disappears like several characters in this film. The female lead has a gay brother whose very camp and comedy relief I guess.
I've seen a lot of bad movies, a lot of bad slasher films. This movie feels like a film that someone wrote the script for and then it was never edited before it was shot. Because there are characters that you think we're going to explore and are important to the plot who turn out to do nothing. They have no impact on the actual overall plot of the film. It's like they had fifty percent of an idea for a movie and then shot what they had.
It also feels like a film in the wrong genre. Yes it's a movie about police brutality but why the fuck would you make a slasher film about that? This movie is a worse slasher film about police brutality than Maniac Cop and Maniac Cop is a cheesy 80s B movie that came out in 1989. This was a big budget blockbuster film produced by Jordan Peele and yet it's just awful in every convicenceable way that you can judge a film.
There's also a character who works at a laundromat that kidnaps the female lead and I thought he was going to be the villain but then it turns out he wasn't. There is no villain except Candyman but Candyman is just getting revenge but he's also multiple people and I don't fucking know. I don't know what the hell any of what I watched here is,
This is why people hate modern Hollywood and despise remakes/reboots. Fuck this movie.
And I know there will be people who will say "this is a highbrow horror film. You just don't get it." Lars Von Trier is one of my favorite directors. The House That Jack Built is an arthouse slasher films and it might be my favorite slasher film ever . I love Man Bites Dog. This movie is not an art film, It's barely even a film.
Thank you!