♥ 𝑀𝓊𝓈𝑒'𝓈 𝒥𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝒶𝓁 ♥

[ImaginaryMuse]

Greetings everyone!

This will be where I keep my updates for statuses and whatnot. No promises that every entry will be positive, but I'll definitely make an effort. So my beginning here has been slow because I had to replace my previous laptop with a new one. I still have my other one in hopes of fixing the hard drive/operating system/whatever failed. Until then, I'm using this newer laptop.

As far as getting a request thread goes, I'll see about getting one up, hopefully sooner than too much later.

Aside from that, my husband got a much better job and we're finally able to live a lot more comfortably. It's not perfect, but it's a huge improvement. I'm likely going to join him in the same company, which will cause me to be busy when/if that happens. I need to get back on our car insurance first; for some reason, they removed me from the most recent cards. But once I'm put back on, I intend to assist my husband at working for this new place.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again!

I've been busy with getting everything finalized so I can work, as I said in the last entry. Also, fatigue has been creeping up on me a lot. Or, alternatively, my sleep apnea/insomnia combination replace the fatigue. Lovely, isn't it?

That being said, while I'm waiting for the remaining pending factors to get approved, I can finally see about getting a request thread up soonish.

I hope to talk with some of you soon!

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again!

So ... I'm going to make this as brief as possible, because the entire story is an entire novel on its own. It really is, no exaggeration. But the long and short of how the past few days have gone is I've found out - the hard way, I might add - my teenage daughter has way more than the usual suspects of 'angsty problems'. She's got a lot of dire ones. What kinds? The type that resulted in us having to call the cops on her bceause she tried to punch my husband. She failed, mind you, because he caught her arms, but the fact is, she openly attempted to assault and get violent with him.

Over the past few days, she has not been with us. She's been in a shelter.

How much longer is she gonna be there?

No clue. Me and my husband have an appointment to speak with their counselor next week, but even then that doesn't guarantee we'll figure a date to try again out. In fact, the honest to gods truth is we may not even do that.

Our daughter went from a really sweet and kind girl to a very ungrateful and hateful brat. So honestly .... some part of us has agreed that as long as this shelter will allow her to, she can probably start living there mostly full time. We'll help sign papers for anything she needs [like pursuing/continuing education, like we did yesterday] and anything else she may need assistance with.

But if she really 'hates' us that much .... okay.

Add our work schedules on top of that and there you go. Hence why I've been a bit slower than usual with posting lately.

Sorry, everyone. I have tomorrow off, and can hopefully see about catching up. It's also unfortunate I had to put something less positive here, but I'm not gonna keep everyone randomly waiting, either. So here's at least a hint to help understand why you've been waiting a while.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

As of this entry, I have finished up all my writing for e-fedding. What is e-fedding, you may be asking? It's RPing, but specifically as a fake/created wrestler. I'm currently playing as three at the moment over here. I RP as Samantha "The Titaness" Hamilton, "La Belicista" Isabella, and "Headhuntress" Aiya if anyone wants to check that out.

Shameless, I know.

But anyway, that was a primary reason for my delays in posting, so I wanted to let everyone know that, as of now, I've finished all writing for that, and am officially done for the season.

The other thing that's making me a bit slow? Real life stuff. I'm actually about to head out in two hours, give or take. If I can't get replies in before I have to leave, I will see about it when I return. But at least from here on out, I should be getting back at a more normal pace now.

Thank you all for your patience!

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

Before I elaborate, I want to get this out there. I don't want pity or 'I'm sorry' replies. Not because they won't be appreciated, but they're not going to change anything. This is, more than much else, a place to inform and simultaneously vent.

So ... holidays are not the only reason I'm slow with replies. It also involves my daughter.

Me and my husband got pushed into a very unexpected and unplanned Zoom meeting along with my parents. I found out that they'd already bought plane tickets and admitted they had full intentions to take her back despite saying back in September no more flip-flopping. This was supposed to be a final decision, and now seeing them do yet something else behind my back?

I'm pissed. I'm officially, truly done ... save for the text pending tomorrow's meeting, which will determine if they even get what they want or not.

But after letting them know that much, I'm not talking with them anymore. Too much hurt, too much betrayal ....

I was floored to hear my dad even talk as if pushing their own daughter into choosing between family or a lover was even remotely justified. Really, why the fuck do you think I wouldn't still be miffed after all this time? I don't fucking get it, and it's equally painful and confusing to hear that from my dad of all people. He's usually smarter than this and so much better.

But no, apparently not enough.

I should have just accepted being an orphan years ago. I never should have let them back into my life, because now? They've ruined just about everything .... save for a very, very small handful of things I can be grateful to hanging onto. Namely my marriage, since they tried and failed miserably to make us break up. But our child? Yep, she's definitely dead and gone.

Not literally, no, but in its own rights? She is, yes.

I'm fully expecting to go in tomorrow and hear that nothing has changed ... that she still wants to go back to Texas. If not, kudos to a rare miracle. But I'm not planning on her having a change of heart. We're likely going to pack the rest of her stuff up after the meeting and have it dropped at the shelter, so she can leave when the day arrives.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

More RP reply delays. Sorry ... kinda. But considering why they're happening? I'm gonna be a bit selfish and embrace them.

Long story short (ignores the chorus of 'too late' coming from the background), the counselor convinced Sophia to agree to try both sides. So rather than just immediately going back to Texas, she's also seeing about slowly trying to patch things back up with us.

We were gonna meet up with her for lunch on Tuesday - and likely still will. But that got slightly sped up. The plumbing in the shelter needs to be fixed, so she's staying with us for the next few days until it gets fixed.

This wasn't the exact way I wanted her to be over for Christmas ... but I'll take my blessings.

Yesterday actually went very smoothly. I'm hoping that's a step in the right direction. But I can't deny ... that if push comes to shove, I know my husband is right. At least she can leave on better terms this way than if she'd decided to go back and not even give us a chance. Even still, the selfish part of me really hopes she chooses not to go back.

I do get and understand her friends are still down there, and that's a huge thing she's really missing. But on the flip side ... that's one of the few things she'd have. I just feel - or rather, know - it'd be a mistake for her to go back down. But I'll let her either realize this .... or make that decision and see for herself on her own. I'll offer my two cents, of course, but I'm not gonna force her to choose us.

As someone literally coerced to choose between family or a lover, I'm not doing anything even remotely close to that type of crap. I promised myself even before becoming pregnant with Sophia that I'd be better than my parents. I'm not going back on that vow.

Merry Christmas/holidays and Happy New Year, everyone!

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

If it's not one thing, it's another. x.x

My daughter got sick around Christmas. Guess who's getting everything she had/still has?

Points to self, sighing and groaning

It's not her fault, but just ... uggggh. This was not how I wanted to start 2022 off. Hopefully, I can nip this in the bud and resume posting sooner instead of too much later. But yeah ... that's why I've been silent.

Sorry everyone, especially my partners.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

If it's not one thing, it's another. x.x

No, I didn't forget to delete that line. It's just the honest to gods truth about how things have been. Long story short? The past four to five months, for all me and my husband know, may very well have been a lie. But our daughter packed her shit and went back to the shelter and ... honestly? We're at the point where we're both very seriously considering putting her in the foster system.

Think what you will, but there's a reason the proverb about not understanding what people are going through until you walk in their shoes exists. So just ... none of that. I'm mentally drained, pissed at my parents for failing to raise her properly, and just overall disappointed.

No promises on when I can reply to anyone, just know if I owe you anything, I am trying.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

The 15th of this month can not come soon enough. I'm gonna finally go in for a very overdue appointment with my primary physician. The reason I haven't lately? Because the past few times I've tried to get seen, they have decided to vanish before any progress can be made. Like last time, I was gonna focus on monitoring my pre-diabetes, which probably would have involved a lot of bloodwork/A1C checking and stuff like that.

I only got to talk with them. Around the time I was supposed to go in for a check up, I got a letter in the mail saying they'd resigned/gone elsewhere and I had been assigned to someone else.

Especially as someone who is Autistic ... I absolutely hate starting from square one with things like this. But now other physical issues have been coming up, so .... I got a loooooooooooooooong ass list of things I'm gonna bring up.

Right now, I'm downright exhausted. I almost passed out an hour ago, which would have been 4 PM my time (PST). And yes, weight probably contributes, but I don't wanna hear that's it. I know it isn't. How so? Because I do know of some of my other conditions, be it all of the hormonal ones, anemia, sleep apnea .... so all of those plus anything else I may not know of are also in this equation somehow. Hopefully this person is thorough, because I'm not in the mood to deal with someone who's just gonna half-ass their job.

No promises on how quick I'll be able to get back to threads. Sorry to anyone waiting for me.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

So the 15th did come and go, and with it were mixed results. Blood ones, specifically. None of my metabolic panel was out of the normal range except for Glucose and AST [liver damage], and even the latter is only high by 4, so it's not a dangerous number, at least. My A1C went from 6.4 at the last check-up to 6.2%, which is definitely a good drop.

Going just off the numbers of the % curves, they may not deem me needing any help for scoliosis ... which is frustrating, because walking (especially long/far distances) is an absolute bitch for me. I have been working out most every day since 2022 began, mind you, but even still.

That said, I'm gonna bring up the constant fatigue in my follow up, which will be next week [compared to the fact it was originally scheduled for 6 months in advanced, I'll take this new day, thanks]. I have seriously been tired as fuck, and it can't only be my weight making me this way.

I really am sorry about the delays. I'll try to get back to everyone ASAP. But I feel like I'm on a code yellow to orange as far as my physical health goes. I'll definitely keep in touch for sure.

Anyone who doesn't have my Discord, feel free to add me at: DatenshiEsyel #2943 if you wanna communicate OOC quicker, as well as with a messenger I'm much more around/on than the site.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

Goddamn, has it really been a month since I last posted already? o.o

Anyway, if the silence hasn't helped spell it out, I've been busy. Thankfully, I was wrong about not being referred for my scoliosis. I go in for my physical therapy evaluation tomorrow. I'm also going in for my left knee, which has been acting up as well as my back. To the point where walking up and down the stairs leading up to our apartment, walking around, or standing for more than 20 minutes at a time is a chore.

I'll be the first to admit that my weight definitely contributes to these issues. But given I've been working out at least 3-5 times a week, if not every day, drinking more water, being overall more healthy, I'm not believing this is the only thing contributing to these other health issues. Doubly so when it was confirmed I still do have anemia/an iron deficiency, and am now on iron supplements.

On the plus side, things with our daughter have finally been going a lot better.

As you'll notice, I cleared my hiatus threads section, primarily because either no one got back to me, or I wasn't in the mood to resume, if not both. This is the last reminder that if you want to resume anything with me - or even start something completely new - you need to get in touch with me. Otherwise, I've assumed you haven't contacted me due to lack of interest/desire, and have deemed the RPs dead until otherwise proven.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

Gonna be even slower than I already am. I just survived an accident. Thankfully, both me and Sophia are mostly physically okay. Some scrapes on our ends, but nothing broken. The car .... completely ruined. We're both lucky and thankful to be alive as things are right now. Of all the things I did lose, my glasses were one of them and for anyone who knows me well enough, I'm a RL Velma without them. So I'm squinting while typing this up and seeing well enough, but definitely struggling to make the words out.

Gonna lie down now ... I may have mainly scrapes, but my legs hurt like shit. One did get cut up enough to draw blood.

Enjoy every day you all have. Had this gone any worse, today could have been my last ...

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello again,

Some good news.

My husband was able to go to where our car got towed away, and not only found my glasses, but that they were intact. They are prescription, so I need them for everything, driving/reading/typing included.

There's already a huge difference in how I feel from yesterday versus today, so that's improvement. I still may be a bit slow, but it doesn't feel like it'd be as much compared to yesterday. I'll keep posting updates when I can.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

More good news!

So .... a bit before or after the crash, Go Puff [my previous work place] changed how we got paid. It went from normal direct deposit to needing to get paid via Stripe. When I tried to update my app/account so I could still get paid ... it didn't work. I'm not 100% sure what happened, but since then, I have been without a job. After sending in 10+ apps and having about 3-4 interviews .... I'm going in tomorrow for orientation!

It's not really the most glorious. And, admittedly, both me and my husband are a bit anxious as it's another delivery position. Specifically with Pizza Hut. But I can't keep all of the financial pressure on him. I needed to get some sort of financial income myself, so ... anxious as I am, I'm going to do my best with this new opportunity.

I don't know the exact schedule I'll be getting. Just that the manager is going to see about getting me set for full-time, but I have no time ranges/ideas yet. I'll likely find that out tomorrow.

Now that I'm going to start this soon [if all goes well, by July 1st to be exact], my replies will probably be a bit slower even. xD

Only kinda sorry, but not enough.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

Update time!

Orientation got delayed.

When the same manager who interviewed me texted me later in the day of the 29th, he didn't exactly make it very clear that until my background check was finished getting checked up on and such, this also meant my orientation couldn't happen.

So I got there and had to wait for my husband to pick me up. The manager was at least generous enough to apologize for the lack of clarity, but it didn't stop me from mentally and literally face palming in private.

On the flip side, I did find another opportunity to capitalize on. And, frankly, it'd be calmer with the scheduling, as they'd only need me during weekends. It'd be less hectic and not nearly as nerve-wracking, I think.

If push comes to shove though, I technically have two opportunities.

I finished signing a bunch of papers consenting to have a background check done for this new place. So ... I'm gonna keep my eyes out for the email I'm supposed to look for and see what ends up happening, as well as which job I end up getting first.

With all of this being said and done, it looks like I'll have more time, even if only for a bit. But I'll keep updating and posting for when something new comes up as far as this job situation goes.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

Just a quick favor to ask all of you.

Due to the overturn of Roe vs. Wade, I will not be celebrating the 4th of July. Even if you have good intentions, do not message me saying 'Happy 4th' because for me? That's a lie, a false holiday now. With the current situation .... women aren't free. Hell to some individuals, we're not even full citizens anymore. And granted, I am residing in a safe state. But as a woman, as a mother to a 16 year old daughter ... I'm still livid as fuck this even happened. Because point blank, it shouldn't have.

Tomorrow, I will not wear red, white, or blue at all. I'll be in black, pink, green, and orange.

I turned my hair black a few days ago, and it's going to remain until this bullshit gets fixed. Which is likely going to be for a long while, but that's okay. I enjoy this color anyway.

But seriously ... please don't send me those messages. If you intend to celebrate tomorrow, that is absolutely your right and choice. But kindly respect mine to no longer acknowledge July 4th as a special day.


Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

So it wasn't with any of the original jobs I applied for, but .... I do have one finally. I start Monday! It's the day shift, and only part-time. Regardless, I will still be occupied some days more than others.

I'm going to enter this into my RT soonish to reflect my posting abilities. For now, letting you all know through this journal entry.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

So the job I mentioned in the last entry fell out stupidly quickly. I wasn't "fast enough" for them, but they didn't have the balls to tell me to my face. Anyway, that previous job only lasted a day and a half - that's how impatient they were with me, apparently. Suffice to say, I've been looking for a replacement since then and ... I've finally got one. It should be a lot more permanent, hell it already pays more than the last one, so that's already a good start. The people who interviewed me were understanding and seeming a lot more willing to accommodate me.

This is an especially huge deal for me not just because it's a job.

Like I've hinted in a previous post here, I am Autistic. And that makes a lot of things harder than usual. Finding and securing a job is one of them. So to have been given this opportunity? It means damn well everything to me. It was starting to feel like it was impossible for me to even get a job, which would lead to us being stuck in these apartments ... and that was a disheartening enough thought as it was. So I'm glad I could finally - finally - prove myself wrong. Particularly given I did used to be on SSI and that system is beyond fucked, so I didn't want to resort to that again unless it was really necessary.

That said, I was so taken aback at hearing I got accepted that I gave myself time and agreed to start next week. Just to help mentally prepare and such. So until I officially begin, I'll have plenty of time. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up!

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

So ... the job I busted my ass off to earn didn't end up working out. I got blamed over something stupid. Specifically, knives that were meant for the kitchen staff being mishandled by me, even though I wasn't working in said area. I left them alone for a few minutes while delivering a DoorDash order/note/something important to the nurse's station, and they deemed that bad enough to fire me.

At first, I was under the impression of only being suspended for a week. The moment they added an investigation was also happening, this next part started up as well.

My neck, shoulder, and left arm have all been aching. Really badly, on a consistent 7+/10 levels. I can't move my arm very well/high on my own, my thumb is trying to become completely numb. So all of these symptoms have led to two ER visits, the second of which was way more thorough. I went into my primary physician today and they took X-rays. I'm getting referred to another place for an MRI.

I did get my x-ray results back, but I don't speak medical, so I'm gonna call tomorrow and ask what it means might happen.

We've all agreed there's definitely a pinched nerve as one of the issues here. However, my doctor straight up told me her main worry was this being a damaged rotator cuff which, if she's right, means I'll need surgery. And honestly? I'm kinda hoping for it, simply because none of these medicines are getting rid of the pain and are barely lessening it. So even though I definitely have the time to reply ... capability is a different story. I'm kinda forcing myself to type at the moment, but it's honestly awkward/painful as fuck to do so.

I'm not overly fond of taking even longer to reply, but I really am barely functioning as I am.

Thanks for your patience. I'll keep everyone updated on what ends up happening.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

As promised, I did contact my doctor and ask what the x-ray results meant. My neck is good enough. There were a few things noted, but none worth needing work/surgery on. My shoulder, however .... that's a different story which ... yeah. Given where and how often the pain has been bothering me, sounds right. We're not yet 100% sure if it's a damaged rotator cuff, we just know some type of abnormality was found. Between that confirmation plus some of my own instincts, it's very likely surgery is going to be what happens next. For now, I'm waiting for my MRI referral to contact me. I'll likely get the final verdict when I go in and get that done.

I'm at least feeling like I can start typing better, but I'm definitely nowhere near 100%. Not even sure if I'm 50, to be honest. Thankfully, the Hydrocodone is helping lessen some of this pain and giving me a reprieve, even if only brief. I hate that seems to be the only thing working, but I'll take what I can get at this rate.

Hopefully I get called back sooner than later. I wanna get whatever needs to be done sooner than later, especially now that I'm actually trying to start online college come November 10th. I'd prefer to be able to type more properly by then if doable. x.x


Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

So technically we wound up calling and arranging our MRI. They were supposed to get in touch with me, but .... whatever. At this rate, I'm beyond caring of how it went, I just need to get the fuck in. And I finally am. I'm set to get it done this coming Monday. I'd prefer to get answers on what the hell is wrong with my shoulder, but as long as we decide whether to do surgery/something else afterwards? Fine by me.

If I sound bitter/frustrated, it's because I am, quite frankly. The last two weeks have been some of the worst of my life and definitely this year.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

I'm back and survived the MRI. The results came pretty quickly after I left the office. Now ... I don't speak/read medical, and I'm going to double check with my PCP what they mean exactly. However, from what me and my husband could discern, it does indeed seem like a rotator cuff problem. However, the tear might be partial and not nearly as bad as she was originally thinking ... which does fit given the pain has been lowering to 4s and 5s recently.

Surgery is still likely even if partial from what we've looked up. But it might not take as long to heal up if that is what's up with my shoulder.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

So me and my husband managed to translate the MRI results well enough, it seems. It is indeed a partial tear of my rotator cuff. And because of that, they're not yet resorting to surgery. We're gonna start with PT [physical therapy] first. I just hope that legit works out first. I tend to have decent instincts when it comes to medical procedures with my own body. I proved this a while back and - long story short - showed the doctors in a month I was right about the CPAP mask not working out for me.

Buuuut I wouldn't mind being proven wrong for once. No, I wouldn't care about surgery either, buuuuut if it can be fixed without it? That also works.

And now that I'm starting it officially, holy shit, the web site for my college is intimidating.

But I already took care of one class, so just need to finish my Psychology tasks before the 16th. So between college and still dealing with my shoulder, I'll be even slower than usual. Thankfully, the pain has gone down from being 7+ regularly to 3-7, but on the lower numbers usually.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

Anyone who knows me really well will know I can typically multitask fine. College, however, is a completely different task in its own rights. It isn't just getting everything assigned to me done within a week I gotta look out for, there's also word limits. Some discussion forums make me reply between 150-300 words. One paper I turned in had to be between 500-700 while making sure to answer everything they wanted me to discuss. All of this plus simply ensuring I'm keeping myself in decent academic standings is forcing me to make an unfortunate choice.

I have to cut/reduce the amount of RPs I'm in. It's already updated on my request threads. If you're not listed, I'm sorry. I likewise am not going to seek any new RPs anytime soon.

Sorry again, but this was just something I needed to do.

Until next time,
Muse ♥

 

[ImaginaryMuse]

Hello everyone,

Sorry again, but it seems I have yet another reason to cut down on my time. I originally wasn't gonna post up anything here, but if only to explain where I've been and any delays on my behalf ... here it is. I got some gutting and shocking news a week ago. I have stage 1 endometrial cancer. That said, the good news is in the revelation - it's only at stage one and, hopefully, still will be by the time I go in for my consultation this coming Thursday on the 2nd of March. With all of this said and done though, the fact is I am still going to have undergo treatments in some form or fashion. I have preferences that I'm going to see about advocating for with this doctor for my own personal reasons ... but don't yet know what will end up happening.

I know what usually is done, but there are personal reasons I'm avoiding immediately going straight to a hysterectomy. I also know that chemo is reserved for stages 3-4, so I should be in the clear to not have to deal with that which I'm very relieved about. I also don't want to lose my hair if I can avoid it.

My mood's at least a bit better compared to when I first got the news, but it's still ... fickle, to use a word to describe it. I'm going to see about replying sooner than too much later for anyone waiting for me.

Precisely because of my mood, any new RP offers are going to only be accepted for Discord RPs only. I'm replying to people I already made threads with, otherwise? I'm sticking to Discord from here on out.

Thanks to everyone with their patience. To anyone new wanting to reach out ... kindly make sure to read everything carefully, especially if you do want to try to request an original RP.

Until next time,
Muse ♥