Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

TᕼE ᑭᖇOᑕᖇᗩSTIᑎᗩTOᖇ'S ᗰᗩᑎIᖴESTO

Pink.

judgmental ass ho™
Designer
Joined
Mar 7, 2019
Pink_Procrastinators_Manifesto.gif



 
Last edited:
Recently I made this announcement:
summer_break_announcement.png


I need a little RP sabbatical.

I'll return to writing 1x1 with friends at the end of August.

Until then I will continue to participate in Dawn Chorus, but that is all.

Thank you. 🏳️‍🌈

And I haven't had a chance to really explain to my partners individually what has been going on. All of them are good friends, and most are in groups with me where they've heard little snippets of my life here and there as I vent but to repeat myself a dozen of times to give everyone all the information they deserve would be exhausting. So, here we go. I hope my little group of awesome people on BMR see this, read it, and understand a little more.

This is all shit that's been churning in waves of boiling-overwhelming-emotions and apathy. I don't want to keep riding the rollercoaster so I'm taking time for myself to just do what I want to do when I want to do it, especially on BMR. Absolutely no one has given any outside-in pressure, I've done it all to myself in an effort to make sure everyone continues to enjoy working with me. It's how I do. How people view me and feel around me is very important to how I view myself. I'm working on changing the ways I measure my own self worth.

ANYWAY. Here's the real shit that's been going down:

Most folks know [folks in my inner circle anyway] know that when my husband and I moved to where we are now, it was a major transitional time for my career that just happened to coincide with Covid shutting the entire world down. In an effort to compromise and assist our good friends while also taking advantage of the opportunity to stay home during the pandemic, I began nannying their toddlers. Long story short, its been really rough. Exhausting. And not because of the girls, but because of dealing with their parents [who are really good friends of my husbands, childhood style] and the completely different way they run their lives and schedules [these people run on their time and no one elses and it stresses me the fuck out]. I do not get paid enough [payment amount was agreed upon before I started, and it was meant to be a compromise] and the level of care one of the parents expect is not what they are paying for. Private Harvard Preschool University would be more along the lines of what this dad is looking for in the second-hand-rearing of his offspring. I was only supposed to nanny for one year before returning to Medical Billing, but then Covid just... kept doing its thing, so, after two years of being absolutely out of the job market and in my own little bubble of my house, BMR and a post-covid-outbreak world, its time for me to make my way back into mainstream employment.

Whew boy.

I'm a fucking mess ya'll.

  1. I've had two anxiety attacks updating my resume.
  2. An almost actual panic attack looking up what jobs are hiring in my area.
  3. My imposter syndrome is a fucking hydra, and just keeps coming back every time I strike it down. It's clever. It's creative. Its getting me in a multitude of ways I can't even begin to describe. Do I remember how to type? [obviously yes] Can I still manage and maintain an office? [I've been managing my chaotic household for two years, I'll be fine] Am I going to have to spend long days away from my dogs? [probably, and its fucking killing me - I really downplay how tied I am to these animals emotionally which may surprise some of you because I never shut up about them, and that's downplaying.]
  4. I never finished college and everywhere is looking for a BA or equivalent experience and while I have that experience, its really spread out, unorganized, hodgepodge bullshit of experiences that I know I can use but how do I explain or show my potential new employer that I will be good enough if they don't look past my resume where they see I don't have that education they're requiring?
So much more, but that's the highlights.

On top of that there's a fat crack down the middle of some of my most important relationships that I'm trying to heal with Band-Aids and duct tape. Good friends of mine are hurting, and I don't have any power beyond just being empathetic and understanding to help them. It's hard. I like to fix things, but some things just either wont be patched, or they'll take a long ass time to heal. Or they wont. Its going to be okay regardless. I know that. I'm just a giant ball of baby emotions. Just how it is.

Anyway.

I cleaned up this random ass journal so I can use it for moments like these. Explanations, thoughts, etc. Little updates about my life, and whats going on up in my Koala-brain.

Big shout out and thanks to everyone maintaining such incredible patience and love with me.

Ya'll my bébés.
 
You got this 😘😘

Stuff takes time, but I'm sure you have the right approach to make sure it's done right :)
 
🥺 Thank you. :heart:


I have an incredible support system, in-person and online. I'm very a lucky lady.
 
We all kinda hit that point where we challenge our internal admin who keeps playing us in the role of "make everyone else happy" and we say enough is enough and decide to grab our destiny by the hair and charge over the hills with it. Your ability to be open and vulnerable about your current struggles is just as inspiring as your choice to face those sea monsters head on.

Echoing it: you got this! Holla at yo bad self, Pink.
 
I don't have the energy to update everyone individually, so here we go:

About two months ago my (much younger and therefore much more stupid) brother was involved in an accident that could have been very easily avoided. He was rushed to Harborview, which to anyone in my general PNW area will know is a hospital that is basically known for being the hospital you go to when shit gets real. Not like there's a hospital that's around just for funsies, but still. For those who don't know my brother is kind of a miracle child. He had a really rough first year of life. Anyway, he's fine now. Came home with a busted face, a bunch of stitches, and a scar that'll interrupt his hairline but it'll be a good story later on.

Then, a month ago, on June 4th, a family friend who has been sick with cancer for a long time passed. It was a strange moment, because this wasn't someone I was particularly close to but it was someone who was very entangled in my life and their passing severely effected my parents, cousins, and friends who I adore. I wrestled with my feelings on the matter, believing I should be more upset, devastated, etc, and thinking it was possible I wasn't a good person because I wasn't sad, and just... all that sort of mess.

Right after that I got Covid -- asymptomatic, but the timing was shit -- ended my time as a nanny early, and started my job search which I have already posted about above. I finally started finding a rhythm with being unemployed, keeping on top of the house and chores, the budget, and job hunting, when my uncle was shot in the head in a complete freak accident right before the fourth.

Driving with his wife, their daughter, and their daughter's two friends visiting from Ohio, he was struck in the head by a bullet the authorities believe was fired by a poacher (they live part-time on Maui, and there is an issue with drought and axis deer on the islands, which has drawn poachers down the mountains and closer to residential areas). My aunt, who already has a phobia of driving, said that suddenly there was glass in their laps, and then she noticed they started to drift into on-coming traffic on the highway. She looked over and my uncle was slumped in his seat. She took control of the vehicle while her daughter called 911. As of right now, he is stable and in California. He still has the bullet in his brain, but his condition has improved from Critical to Serious.

All of this has compounded into an enormous amount of emotional stress. I will definitely be taking a hiatus from RP. I will be (and my teammates are aware already) sporadic in general around the site.

Big, big thank you to those of you who have already been incredibly supportive. I love you all dearly, and I am ready for this hailstorm of trauma to take a hike so I can get back to normal with my BMR hobbies. 😅
 
Stay safe and stay sane, Pink! Everyone could use a break now and then and it sounds like you've been through a ton lately.
 
Damn, bb. I am so very sorry, that’s a lot to handle. Mimicking ☝️ we definitely need to take a break sometimes, especially when shit is heavy. Sending you all the hugs and positive thoughts your way.

You’re an amazing individual, Pink 🖤🖤
 
We've never chatted but I've lurked around your posts (not in a creepy way...hopefully... >.> )

Take a break, look after yourself, get yourself sorted. Real Life always comes first.
 
Happy updates:

My uncle is in stable condition and beginning his therapy to relearn how to do some basic actions, but the prognosis is positive and hopeful. He kept himself extraordinarily healthy, and that absolutely assisted his survival. Im superstitious enough that I hesitate to say he'll be okay, but so far we have only experienced thrilling progress in his recovery.

I found a job. I start on Monday. It has been an incredible weight off my shoulders. It will take me some time, I believe, to fall into a rhythm with a full time schedule back in an office, but I'm excited.

I wanted to thank everyone again for just an incredible amount of support I've received publicly and privately these last difficult weeks. Amazing how "a few strangers on the internet" can be the support network and emotional safety net a person needs. Especially when I struggle with putting words to my emotions in my personal life. You are all incredible, and I absolutely adore the friends I have made here. ♥️
 
attention directed toward: @GentleCorruption @Father Figure @BennyQ @Fabulam-Admissarius @Aethernaut

Been a hot minute since I've updated this journal, but I figured it'd do some good to expand on the recent profile post I made regarding some job news I received this week.

I work for a medical services conglomerate that recently announced it would be selling it's privately-owned billing company and the current billers who work for the company would be subject to lay offs if they choose not to accept the "market comparable" offer of employment from the company taking over. We all know what "market comparable" means, so the news isn't exactly thrilling in a positive way.

Afterward, it was announced that those Revenue Cycle employees who were a part of a local union were exempt, but subsequent union meetings have brought to light that there are clauses in the Union-Conglomerate contract that leave room for lay offs and reorganizations which leave us in a little bit of a limbo.

The basics are, as someone eloquently put recently, the shoe is going to drop, I just don't know when.

I could be employed with my same pay and benefits for one more month, five more months, or another calendar year. I don't know! I know I will be okay in the long run, but the scenario is still stressful, so I'm a little behind on the posts I owe my partners. Add to it all the general stress and social life demands of the holiday season.

It's safe to say I'll be quite slow in my replies to my current stories, but I will continue to chip away at my posts and get my responses out to my wonderful partners when I can. :heart: I adore my group of partners immensely, and appreciate your patience with me more than you know. 😊
 
Back
Top Bottom