Paris was a beautiful city to some, to most perhaps, but not to Vivienne. Once, it had been beautiful to her and full of promise, twice in fact she had seen it as such a place. Not tonight though, and she didn’t think she would ever see it that way again, well if she was successful she really would never see it that way again. Because she would never see it again at all. How she’d ended up on the rooftop of a Parisian whore house nearly finished with an entire bottle of wine (albeit cheap wine) was a long story. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, replaying her life over and over as if searching for something she could fix that would make things better. Vivienne knew that wasn’t going to happen though, every decision she made led her from bad to worse, usually when she didn’t think things could get worse.
Vivienne was beautiful, but half starved like most of her peers, if she were a healthy weight her clothes would be bursting at the seams, really too small for her, but as it was she could remember the last time she had had a full meal… years? She could remember being a child on her uncle’s farm, gathering eggs in her apron, but not the last meal she had had. That life out in the country felt like someone else’s life, not her own. It didn’t matter anymore though. Vivienne managed to get herself to her feet, having managed to get ahold of two bottles of wine and drank them on her own, on an empty stomach. So she was feeling more than a little uneven, but she wanted to be numb. Her long wavy red blonde hair fell in her face and she pushed out of the way as she straightened, pale blue eyes bloodshot, and shuffled carefully to the edge of the roof, leaning on the low stone wall that served as a railing.
Looking down, she saw a dirty, dingy street, scantily clad and half starving women standing here and there in twos or threes. They talked to one another or tried to flag down men who walked by, some stopped and some didn’t. Other men came and went out of the various buildings, including the one she was on top of.
Vivienne sighed harshly and closed her eyes for a moment, her head spinning and her stomach churning, she almost threw up but managed not to. Instead she forced it down and put her hands on the top of the railing and pulled herself up onto it, sitting at first, then carefully standing. Vivienne wobbled for a moment, but regained her balance and looked down again, feeling her heart starting to pound in her chest. Not frantically though, the beats were hard and steady, she was terrified but resolute. The rush of adrenaline was making her shake a little but it made her want to act, her instincts warring with her will as to what that act should be.
She took in a shaky breath, her near threadbare dress whipping around her legs a little in a breeze, looking down. No one noticed her up here, why would they? She was high up enough that she was out of their line of sight, and they all had more important things to notice immediately around them. Vivienne had no distractions, it was just her and her decision and the ground waiting for her. The young woman, as she was still quite young, let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and took another. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so aware of her own lungs, these last few breaths felt suddenly precious to her and she took them slowly, savoring them. This was it, it was going to be over, and she was glad of it. What little family she had never wanted to see her again, she was already dead to them, she had few friends especially as so many of the poorest were dying. A lonely failure, Vivienne didn’t see why anyone would be sad to see her go, and she felt no motivation to stay alive and only continue to suffer.
She took one large breath and held it, looking straight down and willing herself to just take one big step and it would all be over. Just as she’d been looking into the past for the last few hours, she now looked into the future, and saw nothing that made her want to stop. Later, she wouldn’t remember if she regretted finally taking that step on the way down or not. Vivienne lay unconscious and broken in the street, long red hair splayed out around her and her limbs at odd angles, a few drops of blood beginning to trickle from her mouth as she struggled to breathe. She wasn’t dead immediately, but she would die without care that she surely wouldn’t receive, despite the screams that were suddenly filling the poorly lit street as people came to see what had happened.
Vivienne was beautiful, but half starved like most of her peers, if she were a healthy weight her clothes would be bursting at the seams, really too small for her, but as it was she could remember the last time she had had a full meal… years? She could remember being a child on her uncle’s farm, gathering eggs in her apron, but not the last meal she had had. That life out in the country felt like someone else’s life, not her own. It didn’t matter anymore though. Vivienne managed to get herself to her feet, having managed to get ahold of two bottles of wine and drank them on her own, on an empty stomach. So she was feeling more than a little uneven, but she wanted to be numb. Her long wavy red blonde hair fell in her face and she pushed out of the way as she straightened, pale blue eyes bloodshot, and shuffled carefully to the edge of the roof, leaning on the low stone wall that served as a railing.
Looking down, she saw a dirty, dingy street, scantily clad and half starving women standing here and there in twos or threes. They talked to one another or tried to flag down men who walked by, some stopped and some didn’t. Other men came and went out of the various buildings, including the one she was on top of.
Vivienne sighed harshly and closed her eyes for a moment, her head spinning and her stomach churning, she almost threw up but managed not to. Instead she forced it down and put her hands on the top of the railing and pulled herself up onto it, sitting at first, then carefully standing. Vivienne wobbled for a moment, but regained her balance and looked down again, feeling her heart starting to pound in her chest. Not frantically though, the beats were hard and steady, she was terrified but resolute. The rush of adrenaline was making her shake a little but it made her want to act, her instincts warring with her will as to what that act should be.
She took in a shaky breath, her near threadbare dress whipping around her legs a little in a breeze, looking down. No one noticed her up here, why would they? She was high up enough that she was out of their line of sight, and they all had more important things to notice immediately around them. Vivienne had no distractions, it was just her and her decision and the ground waiting for her. The young woman, as she was still quite young, let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and took another. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so aware of her own lungs, these last few breaths felt suddenly precious to her and she took them slowly, savoring them. This was it, it was going to be over, and she was glad of it. What little family she had never wanted to see her again, she was already dead to them, she had few friends especially as so many of the poorest were dying. A lonely failure, Vivienne didn’t see why anyone would be sad to see her go, and she felt no motivation to stay alive and only continue to suffer.
She took one large breath and held it, looking straight down and willing herself to just take one big step and it would all be over. Just as she’d been looking into the past for the last few hours, she now looked into the future, and saw nothing that made her want to stop. Later, she wouldn’t remember if she regretted finally taking that step on the way down or not. Vivienne lay unconscious and broken in the street, long red hair splayed out around her and her limbs at odd angles, a few drops of blood beginning to trickle from her mouth as she struggled to breathe. She wasn’t dead immediately, but she would die without care that she surely wouldn’t receive, despite the screams that were suddenly filling the poorly lit street as people came to see what had happened.