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Alan23

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Joined
Feb 24, 2011
Location
Australia
Wikipedia Entry for Actress Diane Leiber:

Kateryna Diane Leiber;
(nee Kruedstfeldt) born 15 July 1984 is an American actress. Beginning as a child star, when she was lauded by the press as “The '90s answer to Shirley Temple” she played Brindi “Sweetcheaks” Hick in the 1992 romantic comedy Rainfall, Pixie Kennard in the 1993 comedy “The Star Girl”, later revising her role for a 26 part TV series, and Avana Grant in the 1995 thriller “Eastward Lives” and its 1997 sequel “The Tomkins File.”

The adult roles for which she is best known are as Suki in “The Leiber of the Otter” (2009), Parnie Grey in “Children of a Revolution” (2011), Agent Reich in “Glasshouse” (2014), Edyna in “Mutants” (2016), Tori Bannock in the TV Soap “East Keys” (2016-2019) and Alyce in the “Darkfire” series, “World's End” (2018) and “The Reckoning” (2019)

Early Life:

Leiber was born Katerina Dianelle Dreich in Stuttgart, Germany, the daughter of writer Joseph Kruedstfeldt and poet Erika Scharn. She was brought up a strict Roman Catholic and attended convents in Germany and the United States.

Personal Life:

Leiber has been married twice, the first to Director Hank Lewis, the second to Actor/Director Allec Brinsley. The second marriage ended in scandal when Leiber, while still married to Brinsley, engaged in a physical fight with Brinsley's then girlfriend, later wife, property developer Milicent Lowry, who publicly defeated and spanked Leiber in front of a large contingent of public spectators and press representatives. After this event, Leiber was subject to much mockery by the tabloid press and retired from public life for six months.

Leiber is a sufferer from various diagnosed psychological conditions including Nyctophobia, OCD and obsessive propensity to nightmares.


Review of Darkfire #@ - The Reckoning:


So where's the beauty?
Darkfire #2 - The Reckoning
By Ivor Hammett

Basing a movie franchise on a series of novels rather than comics is always fraught with peril, as any director will tell you. After all, we all know exactly what Supergirl or Black Widow look like, whereas with a character from literature all we have is the author's description to go on. Laurence Watt got away with it in Darkfire #1 - World's End simply because of the stirring performance of Rhys Jameson as Ekon, Tenneille Rixon's wonderful Chantel, and some stunning special effects.

Sadly, in The Reckoning Watt set himself a much harder task, and, to be frank, fell somewhat short. The Dean Asher novel on which it was based put Alyce rather than her sister Chantel centre-stage, and while a billion millennials might have drooled over Tenneille Rixon as Chantel, for this sequel the far less enticing Diane Leiber completely failed to carry off her main task, that of fulfilling the nocturnal fantasies of her predominantly male audience.

Let's not mince words here – the uninspiring Diane Leiber, with her dwarf-like physical status, plump thighs and hausfrau face is hardly the conventional idea of a sex goddess. Had this been true to the original novel's description, this might have been excusable. But the character in print is described by Asher as "ethereally beautiful, with deep wistful eyes" whereas Leiber, however well she might have bluffed her way through as a young boy's dream in The Leiber of the Otter or Glasshouse simply falls a long way short for the role intended. Bluntly, this falling short is by at least three cup sizes too small, and fifteen years too much.

Even this might have been excusable if she could act. But her performance here is even more wooden than in part one, in which (thankfully) her role was only minor. Here, her complete lack of screen presence, her fluffed lines, her failure to make any fist whatsoever of portraying a sex-siren means the movie fails lamentably. While the script gives her some witty lines and genuinely funny scenes, Leiber fails to deliver to such an extent that even Alfred Forbye's brilliant portrayal of Donovan and Suki Weiner's competent cameo as Bess are forgotten.

Recent interviews with Diane Leiber reveal she is a genuine fan of Asher's series, in part because she shares the condition suffered by the character she portrays - in which case she should surely have refused the role from the get-go, knowing full well she could not do it justice. To be frank, here is one child-star that should have quit upon the onset of puberty, rather than convince herself she can do adult roles.

Rumor has it that Alyce's role in part three, Closing Every Evening, is to be cut severely, and that deviations from the original novel's plot will include replacing her scenes with Emerie, the younger of the three sisters, in order to cast a younger more attractive and more competent actress. We can only hope that's enough to save it, as Asher's tetrology surely deserves far better than this somewhat lukewarm effort.

** (Maybe an extra half star for Bess' "checkov's Kneecaps" line!)


Email, from Jack Flynn to Ms Diane Leiber, dated 24th Feb 2___.

From: FlynnJ23@gmail.com
To: DianeLeiber@StudioAgency34.org

Dear Ms Leiber

I am sure you get lots of fan mail, and I hope it isn't boring you too much to get another email from a fan who thinks your work is really great. And with I am afraid to say a few questions about your latest movie, Darkfire #2 - The Reckoning.

I was really amazed that while in the book by Dean Asher, Alyce suffers from eneuresis and schizophrenia, these traits were completely absent in the movie. Yet she seems to have a whole bunch of other disabilities instead. Were these changed at the request of the director, or did you make a suggestion as to showcasing the other conditions instead? I know you are a spokesperson for those suffering from nyctophobia, and while I do not suffer from it myself, a number of the kids I used to live with (I was brought up in an orphanage) really had a bad time of it.

I also wondered if the really unfair stuff some of the reviewers wrote about you every gets to you? I guess not, since as a famous actress who everyone knows is one of the best talents working in Hollywood and independent studios today you know it is all rubbish and you are way above such stuff. Yet the cracks by Ivor Hammett about your supposed lack of acting ability and being short seem really childish to me. The other bad reviews by Dorothy Greaves and Harold Baum are also proof they know nothing about the brilliant way you interpreted the role of Alyce.

Just for the record I think Hammett in particular is either gay or has very poor eyesight if he thinks you are unattractive. OK you do not look like the book character, but what's important is that she was the best looking girl in the family, and that certainly went for you. You are really pretty, much more attractive than any of the actresses who played the other characters. But I guess I'd better not say any more stuff like this as it is a bit creepy...

Anyway, it would be great if one of your staff could answer my questions about the medical conditions, as I need the info for an essay I am writing about the best actresses of the 21st century.

Many thanks
I think you are brilliant
Jack Flynn
 
Email reply from Diane Leiber to Jack Flynn, dated 29th Feb

To: FlynnJ23@gmail.com
From: DianeLeiber@StudioAgency34.org

Darling Jack,

It just so happens I came across an old collage of mine. A ghost writer for my memoirs put it together but it has stayed on the shelf only collecting dust for a few years now. It was early to do a biography. Maybe when I'm old and grey, do you think? I thought I may as well send you a copy of it though I expect you've seen most of them at one time or another. I must say you're absolutely right about poor Alyce and the tormented life she was shown to have suffered. It's literary licence. Alfonso, bless his heart, has a habit of going off on a tangent when directing. I don't think I'm giving away any confidences but Dean himself wasn't entirely happy himself, including the cuts.

I did want to thank you personally for your lovely letter. If the world be a stage we all play our part. So nice it is to hear about your studies but I doubt if I really qualify in your selections. You must forgive dear Ivor too but he needs to earn a living. He never means what he says even if he can be rather cruel. Don't take him seriously, I try not to, even if it is painful so soon after Allec and the ghastly mistakes he makes. Me too, I guess. We all have a cross to bear, some heavier then other.

Don't let yourself be pushed around by fears in your mind. Autophobia it is called. Being the eldest, Alyce's starring role was always going to be in World's End, less in The Reckoning. In Closing Every Evening, it is even more insignificant. . I was even thinking of allowing someone else take over. Angie, my agent is already seeking out fresh fields for me. We will wait and see, even if the timing could hardly be worse. I guess you feel the same at times with your studies. But I digress. You must forgive me. I can only wish you all the best for the future. All of my true fans are so close to me and I feel that.

I'd totally forgotten it was a leap year. You ought to take care yourself that you face no penalty for refusing a hand in marriage to a fair maiden. I don't think I be offering anyone myself. Nyctophobia is not very pleasant. Not as bad as critics with malice in their pens. Even regarding problems that can be hormonal. Never believe quite what is written. I do hope though you don't mind me replying direct. I wanted to thank you, gorgeous boy, for briefly lighting up my day.


Yours

Diane
xx

Enc.
 
Email, from Ms Angela Foley to Ms Diane Leiber, dated 24th Feb 2___.
From: AFoley222@AllstarAgency.org
To: DianeLeiber@StudioAgency34.org

Diane

Well, my dear, I've tried, I've really tried. Tom Masters made quite a face when I put your name forward as Morag in "Apple Kore" and when I rang Esther Forbes-Tomkins about the as yet un-named spy thriller she coughed a bit and hastily changed the subject. I'm not saying you are hard to represent, hardly that, but I do have to be frank. Directors in the mainstream seem fixated on young, nubile creatures just out of (or still in, even) their teens, and, I have to add this, those willing to flash it all for the cams. Two big millstones around your neck already!

I still have some hopes for the voiceover for the wrestling doco, and have not entirely given up on the third android role in "Spacefall." I know neither of these are exactly hi-glam, but they will pay the bills until something better comes hopping along.

Hate to heap more bad news in this but that very unflattering cartoon, referencing the Millicent Lowly bitchslapping you suffered seems to have struck quite a chord in the syndicates. I've been sent copies by email from three sources. Seriously, you have to find some GOOD publicity from somewhere if I'm to do my job. No chance of a romance on the cards or anything is there?

Anyway, I'll keep doing my best for you.

Kind regards
Angie

*****

Email, from Jack Flynn to Ms Diane Leiber, dated 25th Feb 2___.

From: FlynnJ23@gmail.com
To: DianeLeiber@StudioAgency34.org
Dear and beautiful Ms Leiber

I really have to say I was so thrilled to get a direct reply. And since you are so far from being old and grey, you can rest assured that there is, in the meantime, a most appreciative audience for those wonderful pictures. There is no life in which a little more beauty can't be tolerated, and when it's beauty such as yours, it is all the more welcome. I guess you didn't intend me to reply, since I'm sure a person with such a huge fan base as yourself gets millions of letters and emails, but I could not let your brilliant gesture go by without thanking you. Anyway the collage sits on my desktop and phone, and lights up my eyes every time I look at the screens of either.

Regarding the leap year thing... I will confess, I have had two offers, or hints of same, from, ahem, likely ladies. Both went away disappointed. Perhaps it's that I'm not as they say, the marrying kind, or maybe I've been spoiled by your movies, and seeing the epitome of female beauty, thus spoiling me for anything less. Agh! That was probably too forward, wasn't it, even if we were equals, and coming as it does from a nobody to a mega-star verging on the ridiculous. Still, I was glad I wrote it all the same. Smile.

I will calm myself and be more restrained now. I promise you that while I know myself to be far from a model of perfect mental adjustment, and yeah, I guess I do carry a few nasty lingering issues from my upbringing (Catholic, like yours, though I was forever being reminded how grateful an orphan like me should be for it) I am never-the-less able to convince all around me I am a functioning person. It's an illusion and a bluff, of course, but it seems to fool most people. I don't claim your acting chops, but this one role I flatter myself I play most convincingly.

I really look forward to seeing what your agent comes up with next. Whatever you do, it's hard to think it will be anything but a total triumph. On the faint off-chance I can ever be of service in making you as happy as you made me with your reply, I hope you understand I'd be flattered to be at your disposal. But I guess you never need any such comforts.

And I'll take the risk of signing myself
Yours

Jack
XXXX
 
Email, from Ms Diane Leiber to Ms Angela Foley dated 24th Feb 2___.

From: DianeLeiber@StudioAgency34.org
To: AFoley222@AllstarAgency.org

Angie,

If I remember it right, Allstar always prided itself in getting GOOD publicity. Maybe I ought to switch to Millie's agency, if they can present her as the supposed victim while you watch from the galleries instead of doing your job. The kick-on obviously has its consequences, so perhaps its better not to dwell on your failure. Why you ever thought Morag would ever suit me, I'm lost for words. I had enough problems with the Intimacy Coordinator in The Reckoning.

I'm still disappointed why you have not been able to sue Brightflix Studio yet for the leaked frontal of Alyce while I was ushered onto the set. It is all very well claiming its just another fake but I'm sure you wouldn't like any of your photos, God forbid, doing the rounds of porn sites. It beats me why you have not embarked on any litigation to ensure it never happens again even though you are fully aware of my reluctance to any bed action scenes. Being simulated makes no difference to my refusal.

Whatever you come up with, ensure that my modesty is fully protected next time in the wording of the contract. Maybe it would be better if you focused on a fresh romcom series for television for me. Family entertainment, or have you forgotten what that's supposed to mean.

Di


To: FlynnJ23@gmail.com
From: DianeLeiber@StudioAgency34.org

Jack Honey,

The guilt complex from being a Catholic I certainly can relate to. But if you forgive me I'd rather not dwell on my childhood. The estrangement between myself and my parents rendered me as if I too am almost an orphan, even worse. It can build up inner strength as you suggest yourself. But it is worse when the rest of the world is against you. It is something else I have learned much to my cost. But I don't want to say anything just yet.

So pleased to hear that the simplest things in life can be so thrilling. We can all do with more, But as I said before, every fan is so precious to me, especially when they appear so genuine. It seemed you did well not to be rushed into anything just because it is a leap year. Born under the constellation of Cancer, I tend to be loyal, protective and caring. I'm not sure of your own Zodiac sign but I can be particularly if not overly sensitive.

All of us can do with being appreciated more, so your warm compliments do not go astray though perhaps I'm no longer the epitome of beauty that I may have once been. I can only hope you are not mislead by some of the fake photos floating around that are of such evil intent. I've been put on a pedestal only to be shot down. But the vile sources behind them ought to be getting what they deserve, especially those with such malicious intent inside the film industry.

We all can be so fickle but I shouldn't sound so downhearted, not when you're being so kind and generous to me. If I fatter myself with anything it is in having extrasensory perception and I can feel how sincere you are. I'm pleased you loved my collage, perhaps I ought to send you more memorabilia but you are worth more than that. Let me know if I can help you with your writings and research you have been doing but maybe you prefer to send to my more secure address ioKDL@ProtonMail.Net. Best not say too much on such an open line.

Hugs

Diane
xx
 
Excerpt from internal memo, Allstar Agency. Ms Angela Foley to Managing Director Mr Frank Goldstein.

...and for that matter, we've also lost Diane Leiber. Or rather, in this case, got rid of her. Seriously, she looked likely to be costing us more than she'd make for us in the coming years, and seemed a perfect candidate for the rationalization we discussed. Her prudery and refusal to do nude roles or use profane language, her fading looks, and, let's be frank, her lack of height were making her very difficult to cast. And she has shown herself far from grateful at my efforts on her behalf. To be honest I went off the email to her this morning terminating our association with a huge sense of relief. Anyway, turning to more pressing matters...

***

To: ioKDL@ProtonMail.Net.
From: FlynnJ23@gmail.com

Hi there, sweet lady

Firstly any thanks for trusting me with your private email. It is an honour I most truly appreciate.

Huge apologies for causing you to speak about your childhood. That it pained you pains me... truly. Your saying that the rest of the world is against you... well, if you mean half-assed critics, and the kind of losers who write gutter trash in those bum-fodder magazines, well... need we really care? All I can say is there is definitely one person in this world who counts himself most definitely on your side, and is honored to be so. Have to admit I have no knowledge of astrology, so I had to look up my own star sign. Seems I am a Gemini, June 2nd. And trust me, you have no need to tell me your birth date - I celebrate it every year with a program of your movies, watched in reverence. Erm, that's not too weird and stalky, is it?

The writings and research are on, I have to tell you, a temporary hold. The reason, however, is one I am quite proud of. My first book of poetry is due for US release in two weeks and it seems (against the current trend, where poetry is regarded as about as relevant as sabres and quill pens) it seems that certain sections of the public have picked me up as a kind of spokesman. Namely the last of the goths and a few of the nerdier element of the local aesthetic aristocracy. So... I am sort of famous, albeit about a billionth as much as you, LOL. And that's as famous as I'd ever want to be... anyway they are taking about US TV appearances and interviews in six or nine months, and I've been spending my time emailing my publishers back and forth about such mundane details.

Regarding the fake photos, trust me, I've never been able to take them seriously... Just this week I've seen Megan Fox naked (except her tattoo mysteriously vanished and her thighs went up two sizes), and Renee Zeilwegger with, excuse the indelicacy here, the bush of a redhead! You can do anything in Photoshop if you are sad and desperate enough. Any that were of you I wouldn't trouble to look at anyway as I know you do not do nude photos for journals. And I am quite happy to see real photos of you fully clothed... like in the collage which still lights up my eyes every time I look at it.

To be frank though, your obvious class and ability set you so far above any of the Hollywood glam-brigade that little else matters. The fact that rather than being "no longer the epitome of beauty" as you put it, you are in fact - and please, please, tell me it's OK to say this - an absolute goddess - is just a bonus on top of your amazing ability. You, beautiful lady, are right at the very apex of that pedestal, and don't let anyone tell you any different. Mind you, I guess since I totally adore you, I could be accused of bias there.

There. I said it. "I adore you." So now I'm revealed as a pathetic, nerdy fan... feel free to chuckle or stick your fingers down your throat and mime the act of vomiting if you like. :^)

So hoping you'll view this outpouring with indulgence
I remain
your
Jack

XX
 
Press Release from Studio Agency

Diane Leiber departs Allstar

Diane Leiber would like to announce that Allstar no longer represents her interests with immediate effect. Both parties have agreed that it would be better for each to go different ways. Until a replacement is found, all public relation affairs will be temporarily handled through Studio. No further comments will be made. It is understood that a similar statement will also be released by Allstar, who Ms. Leiber would like to take for their past efforts.

End of announcement.



To: FlynnJ23@gmail.com
From: ioKDL@ProtonMail.Net.

Jesus Jack

Being Gemini, I can understand that you like to communicate with honest people. There are few of us around. But you are one of the few social butterflies of the Zodiac and I think I'm lucky to have found you. Perhaps it was fate, if you believe in it. I'm not sure about my own destiny, having taken it into my own hands, dispensing with my PR agents just because they disapprove of my puritanical principles. My days are long past to sell my body just for the sake of my career.

I'm must say I'm thrill about you launching your first poetry book. I'd love to be there but even if I can't, ensure you don't sell yourself short neither. More than anything, you need to start on the terms that you intend to proceed with your career, honey. I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do but I be there at least in spirit with you. Always we need to remember we are but worth more when true to ourselves, not in monetary value.

You've been so kind to me that that I ought to find a way of repaying your generosity when so much around me seems so much against me. Just between you and I, I'm thinking of taking a break somewhere, perhaps travel or visit places I've always wanted to go. I deserve at least that. But needs to be somewhere I'm not known, it makes it difficult when I'm so easily recognised. I'm so pleased to can talk more confidentially now I've switch to a secure line. It may be best for you to do the same, never know who is hacking into your account.

Catch up again soon,

Sweet love
Diane
xx
 
Twitter feed from MIlLowry111

Regarding that ugly and ageing dwarf @Diane_Leiber, no, no regrets. Glad I tanned her ass, on those tent-like granny panties she wears. She sniffs around my man I'll do it again.


***

Hi sweet goddess...

Yes, I saw from my news feed that you'd got shut of Allstar. I guess I shouldn't be giving you advice but if it counts for anything I can't blame you. A woman of your ability and beauty should be being offered far better parts than you seem to be getting. I do understand you are unwilling to abandon your principles regarding nudity just to get a role, a decision I totally respect. Though given that, having seen you in the blue dress in the collage pic, I can understand why directors feel that if you did the public would certainly appreciate it - your legs are absolutely stunning.

Don't get too excited about my forthcoming book. To be frank, we live in an age when poetry is far from a major force. I simply got lucky in that some of the more, ahem, highbrow elements of the American press picked up my work and started splashing around phrases like "genuinely original talent" and "groundbreaking." All quite humbling, really. The publishers have made noises about commissioning me for a novel, even to the extent of hinting at an advance, but I'll wait until it's actually on the table before I comment further.

With regard to any "kindness" you talk of showing me, you can rest assured that the entertainment your work has given me is more than enough. To be perfectly honest, given the shellacking you have taken in the press lately - and the Twitter feed of that neurotic Lowry creature (which I will not sully myself by quoting - let's just say I have ceased to follow her and leave it there) it may be you that needs "kindness." Which, of course, were I in your presence I would be delighted to provide. Please do not take that remark as being predatory. I would be more than happy to hold you, rest your head on my shoulder, and reassure you of your quality and beauty...

Have just seen an email from Simon and Schuster fall into my inbox, so will close now and check it out.

Closing with love and adoration
Your
Jack.
 
To: FlynnJ23@gmail.com
From: ioKDL@ProtonMail.Net

My Jack-in-a-Box,

The blue really suits me, I think. Pleased you noticed. Probable it's more the ankle strap heels that show off my legs though. It was part of a photoshoot that was so much fun. Tim, who took the snaps, had a habit of catching upskirt views. It was all so innocent, profusely apologising he was. Even so they much nicer than tacky nude one, even if can see my knickers were red. It proves I'm no prude. There's nothing wrong with the naked body but its entirely different to crudely flaunting it to get a leading role.

I seem to be writing to you so regularly, dear Jack. Maybe I will start keeping a diary again like I used to. I'd need to ensure though it does not fall into the wrong hands. Hacks distort everything. And can be so cruel. The jibes about my height are hurtful. My petite size was always one of my assets as in a little bundle of joy, I used to be. Being almost five feet in heels isn't that small to be mocked. Even tall guys would find me so cute.

If my life is on temporary hold, we can only hope your forthcoming poetry book is a success. You deserve fair publicity but the press can so easily turn on you. It can be short lasting. Such a comfort it is when someone understands what's really going on. Perhaps it be good news from S&S, just what you may be waiting for. Ensure though they get all your background and personal detail spot on. It'll be difficult to correct later unless you get it all out right from the start when they start snooping. So invasive it is, makes you wonder if I'm in the wrong profession.

Missing you already comforting me.

Longing to hear so much more for you, honey.

Love you too

Diane
xxx
 
From the back cover of Vodka of the Damned, the collected poetic works of Ryan Jonathan Flynn.

Ryan Jonathan “Jack” Flynn was born in Rockhampton, Australia on approximately June 2 2003, (though his upbringing as an orphan precludes an exact dating), and spent much of his childhood and adolescence within the Childcare system in his native land.

Though well known in Australia as a blogger, cinematic critic and poet, including winning the Judith Wright award for poetry in 2019, he first came to international notice when selections from his poetic works appeared in StarStripe, The Canadian Poetry Magazine and Palimpsest, during the years 2018-2020.

Considered many many critics to be the poetic spokesperson for the Millennial generation, particularly the Tribe of Goth, Flynn has, until now, resisted all approaches for his poetic works to be collected in anthologized form. Consent for the present volume was obtained by Simon and Schuster only on condition that all profits were to be remitted to UNICEF.

“Jack” Ryan lives in Brisbane, Australia, with two cats, a battered Kayak, an even more battered pushbike and a badly restored 1981 Ford Fairlane.

(back cover photo shown below)

***

Excerpts from review by Renee Kelby of Vodka of the Damned, the collected poetical works of Ryan J Flynn, The New York Literary Review, March 2021.

...Yet despite the esoteric construction of many of the works, with their technical echoes of Swimburne, Wheldrake and Hopkins, it is the absence of obscurity in reference to theme that explains the appeal of his oeuvre to the generation that appear to have taken him to their hearts.

Spikes, The Plague Months, Detachment, Lines and Dreaming of Waves all serve to set the scene in regard to the background in which the other works are played out... a world dominated by a crumbling social structure, the damaging effects of the Covid19 virus, the effects of rampant capitalism and an environment raped by human corporate greed. Yet Flynn is no nihilist, and defeatism holds no place in his vision of the zeitgeist. The negativity of these aspects of his vision are balanced carefully by a greater positiveness. In this cosmos there is balm as well as bitterness. The joys of friendship (In theTank, The River), Sexuality (My Last Lines), Music (On Watching Roberta Joan, and the titular Vodka of the Damned), Nature (Trees at Midnight), Cats (Panga Ban comes back) and even the Internet (This New Highway) are all celebrated.

About the only mystery springs from one of the shorter works, and this has served to set a generation agog. This question centers around the identity of the female referred to in Named for a Huntress. As far as is known, Flynn is not in any established regular relationship, yet every line of the work drips with adoration not (as in Mysteria) for the feminine in general, but, quite patently, for one woman in particular.

Who this female might be, this critic can form no conjecture. We know simply that she is Teutonic, blond, creative and (against the run of the Germanic type) of short stature, though the work's title suggests a first name of either Artemis, Diana or something similar.

Turning to the later poems, there are definite echoes of...

***

To: ioKDL@ProtonMail.Net.
From: FlynnJ23@gmail.com

Beautiful One

Well, you'll have no way of knowing this of course, given the geographical anonymity of the 'net, but this missive comes to you not from among the gum trees and bandicoots of my native land but more than 6,000 km away (don't ask me what that may be in your weird American miles). That communication from S&S turned out to be details of the first promotional trip, and to a place which forms, apparently, the heartland of my following – none other than the fair nation of Singapore.

Under the agreement by which S&S are picking up the tab I am not permitted to name my hotel even on this secure line. I will tell you that both nation and accommodation are beautiful, though the first night was somewhat lonely. I a not even sure if I should admit that I woke this morning, reached out to the empty space beside me and whispered your name. Ridiculous much, yes?

Yes, the photoshoot was one I'd seen, though in a form that could not be downloaded, so many thanks for sending me the more permanent copy. Since I seem to be in the mod for making candid admissions – hmm, well, I will say the “upskirt” shot did arouse me somewhat. Red suits you, if I may be so bold.

The diary may well be a good idea. I know my blog – now defunct – proved an excellent way of dousing, if not wholly defeating, various demons that occasionally plague me after too much deep thought and missed sleep, though I won't bore you with that. Certainly most, if not all, hackers can be defeated by the use of various encrypting software, or the even more reliable (and less intrusive) method of keeping it on a computer not connected to the net, and transferring the finished (ie public) to the computer that is so connected by use of an old fashioned thumb drive.

To be honest, the way that critics savage you makes me fume and rage. Sometimes I wish we lived in the medieval era, so that I could ride to your rescue on a fiery charger and break a lance across the backs of certain critics. Though to be blunt my horse riding ability is about on a par with my blogging – ie chaotic rather than proficient. I have, thus far, taken your advice in not allowing too many of my personal details to get into the wild, though part of my wishes I could deflect some of the opprobrium you receive from the jealous onto my own shoulders... I'd be so honoured to carry a load for you in that respect.

Anyway, about to leave for the first signing session now. Hope this reaches you – (sadly, even in luxury hotels, the internet can be a bit unreliable here I am told). In a similar vein, have arranged for a copy of Vodka of the Damned to be sent to you via Universal, though since you no longer work for them I can't guarantee they'll forward it on.

Hugs and longing
Your
Jack
 

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