Meioh's flea market

[[Meioh]]

Shit... I'm actually impressed that my 15/16-year-old angsty self could come up with such creative and well-thought-out bitterness.
Underlined parts in any of my poems are my favorite parts. I'll hopefully be adding some short works of fiction that I've had planned out for a while. It's just been difficult to post them due to the PG-13 guidelines of my other forum, and I dislike FF.net.

~~~
Untitled

Why do you taunt me so,
With your frequent glances?
Your defiant eyes searing into me
Taking away my layers, exposing me.
I can hardly breathe out of pure fear. . .
What have I done to make you change so?
If you are so different, then I myself
Am scared to look at my own tainted reflection,
Which shields so much more than just a broken heart.
You realize . . . thinking of what we shared in order to calm myself
Is much like comparing love to the eye of the storm,
Yet you relax me so, with your pale pools of apathy
(But I see right through the illusion . . . you are broken)
Will the blaze in them cool momentarily, so that
I may bask in their gentle warmth?
Although you have no idea, nor time to care,
Somehow you remain my pillar of balance;
The object supporting me, yet simultaneously
Crushing what is left of my shattered heart.
When my world starts to spin out of control at your tiny (though hardly genuine) smile,
I will not let myself shed anymore tears -
The regret alone is enough for the demons in me
To drag me back down into endless and dark watery depths,
A place all too familiar for my black, bleeding heart.
I am drowning in your spiteful and uncaring eyes.

 

[[Meioh]]

My confession to my ex that I did, indeed, cheat on him. The emotion in the poem is clear though. I really did love him. I was just a naive bubblehead who was easily influenced by her friends :/
Ah well. Turned out for the best. He's a fucking loser now, anyway.

(The Truth) Behind These Eyes

Tears are falling slowly
Down this heartbroken face
They are falling from the eyes
On which this story's based.

Those eyes first held a sparkle
Which no bad mood could steal
To tell the truth it was your smile
That finally made love real.

Sometimes the eyes stared endlessly
They saw past everyone's flaws
And when they finally settled
It was your smile that they saw.

At night these eyes saw dreams
That would make any girls' come true
And soon enough it became reality
To see themselves with you.

But these eyes eventually strayed
Wandered from the path
What happened next, you wonder?
I think you can do the math.

These eyes quickly clouded over
Overflowing with secrets and lies
They just didn't want to imagine
The hurt behind your eyes.

These eyes widened in disbelief and shame
Once they had been found out
But still they made up more lies
To keep the hurt from coming about.

Soon these eyes would widen again
This time in shock from seeing a ring
But they didn't take time to realize
How much more sadness and lies they'd bring.

Yet the love went on
As true love surely should
But everyday these eyes thought that
If they could turn back time they would.

But too late had these eyes realized
That what they'd done was wrong
So they sat down with tears flowing free
To finally write this song.

You've given me just one more chance
To tell you what is true
I've said all I could, so let this be known. . .
I'm truly in love with you.

The truth has been twisted and turned
And further we grew apart
But know you'll always hold my gaze
And more importantly, my heart.

 

[[Meioh]]

Random untitled drabble. I had a habit of creating names and traits for all the clashing ideas and emotions in my head.

Whose eyes am I behind?
Are they truly mine, or are they imagining things?
And this anger. . . how did it come to live in me? I'm just not feeling like myself. Instead, I feel. . . possesed, almost. Who will exorcise me? I need someone. . . someplace where I belong. I need to be loved. I need someone by my side.
The sullen mirror I look upon portrays my joyful smile as a solemn glance; I am trapped between worlds.
Normally tranquil, I feel hostile, growling like a tigress at the first sign of anything threatening. The tigress is restless; she stirs in front of me, determined to get out. But if she emerges, she will trample every petal and every leaf of everything I have worked so hard to protect and nurture. . . it isn't fair.
Either way, I have much to lose. Either way I lie between sides, arms stretched out in their own silent sign of giving up; tears cascading freely down my face as I realize how broken I really am. Yet I am still fiercely trying to stop the chaos from destroying everything I have left.
For every degree my temper rises, my heart beats a step quicker. Not even the coldest water, or heaviest sand, or heaviest ice can put out the hidden blaze in my soul. And I cannot stand the heat. It's eating up all of me as it moves through me, burning every care I have. It consumes me, consumes everything I care for. But my heart is not on fire. There are icy patches of different shapes and sizes all over, and they are quickly multiplying. The fire, however, is an ally to the ice. It does not melt it, yet acts as a fuel. My icy-cold glances are symptoms of the tigress, who feeds on the ice of my heart and creates the fire enveloping my soul.

 

[[Meioh]]

Break Down (-hits head against the wall and chants, "Angst, angst, angst."-)

I just wanna break down
Tear down all my shields
So I can bring the knife closer
Draw it to the warm blood
Flowing through my veins
Because all I do is cry

From the moment that I first saw you
You were nothing but another star
In the bright sky full of possibilites
But eventually you became
The center of my galaxy
My heart revolved around you

The shadows hid my star
Clouds blocked the crescent light
I lose myself in sorrow
Became a leaf drifting
Helplessly upon the sea
Nearly drowning everytime
I come close to the edge

I just wanna break down
Tear down all my shields
So I can bring the knife closer
Draw it to the warm blood
Flowing through my veins
Because all I do is cry

Even when the world turned black
And my life felt empty
I just couldn't give you up
Yet everytime I catch your sad eyes
It's enough to kill me
Even without the knife

I just wanna break down
Tear down all my shields
So I can bring the knife closer
Draw it to the warm blood
Flowing through my veins
Because all I do is cry

It's times like these which kill me
Every dagger coming quicker
Hitting its mark
Pierce my heart and make it bleed
Break down all my shields
Put me out of my misery

 

[[Meioh]]

More drabble -__-;;

As I stare up at my mirror, watching my fake happy self, I turn to my inner tigress for guidance. The joy within me, as well as the joy behind the mask of solitude that the depression has created, is turning from a pure, milky white to an ashen black. I have both power and motivation, everything I need to overcome it. But the depression has an unbreakable prison, this mirror in which I am solemnly pacing about. Will I be stuck forever? Or can I use the fire to melt the ice, then in turn use the water to douse my fiery soul to begin a new life?

Is this how we're all supposed to feel, so secluded. . .? Why is life so unfair? The hardships we have to face everyday are "tests" to see if we can actually succeed in this game of Life. What if we don't want anything to change? I don't know about the people around me, but I would give anything to have my life back. . . anything.
But on the other hand. . . what would we all be like without the tests, without the lessons? They say experience is the worst teacher, because it throws the test in our faces without first presenting the lesson. So is this really the life we wish to lead, always failing those next-to-impossible tests, and not being able to put a lot of the experience to good use? I just don't understand anymore. . . life has definitely thrown me a curve ball this time.

 

[[Meioh]]

Part of a song I was writing at the time; decided it would be better as a standalone.

Violently shaking
Silently breaking
This is the story of a girl in love
Resistant to change
Numb to the pain
This is how she falls
Regardless of steps she takes
It takes so much for her to break
But truth be told
Feelings get old
And she was left behind

 

[[Meioh]]

The most recent work I allowed to see the light of day. This was 2007. Want to know something sad? I can remember timelines of my work because of the level of emotional distress. This was a particularly bad breakup. One that eventually landed me in the hospital after losing 20 pounds, which a lot when you're already a twig.

Little girl
So far from home
She cries out
But she's all alone

And she remembers
Remembers a day
When you broke her heart
And then went away

Now it's sink or swim
In the treacherous blue
Struggling is she,
So lost without you

And clinging to her
Are sins of the past
Weighing her down, she's
Not sure if she'll last

A waste of your time
That's all she can hear
She's trapped in a lie
She's living in fear

 

[[Meioh]]

Last one for now, I promise!!
This just started out as freehand, and eventually Final Fantasy X-2 came into my head. So I went back and revised it a little, and it became Yuna drabble. Huzzah!
(If you can't tell, it's about the challenges and restrictions she faced as a summoner, and the changes she underwent between X and X-2. I just wish people could look past the slutty clothes ><;; )

I kept waiting
for something better. . .
An opportunity, of sorts,
to drop the weight of my burden
And spread my wings;
A chance
to get away from it all.
I never knew true happiness
until you came along.
My hold on life
was so loose before. . .
Your love
kept me above the surface.
You untangled my wings
and I flew for the very first time
Under everyone's watchful eyes
I soared.

But then. . .
You disappeared.
And I crashed.

So we set out,
to find you.
To bring you home.

At last.

And to think. . . it all began. . .
With this sphere of you.