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Supernova
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2009
- Location
- Oregon
(( Some of Skippy's List, hopefully it will give you a laugh)
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when Iâm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is âSpecialist Schwarzâ not âPrincess Anastasiaâ.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyoneâs disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play âPulp Fictionâ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add âIn accordance with the prophesyâ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I donât like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product âGet Over itâ.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyoneâs soul on government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to âSic Brass!â
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my âSamson like powersâ.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous âBarbie Girl Danceâ while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if Iâm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a âWankerâ.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if theyâve been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if itâs true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that âWe kicked your ass in World War 2!â
27. Donât tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Donât take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after âMe frosted lucky charmsâ.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing âHigh Speed Dirtâ by Megadeth during airborne operations. (âSee the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, Iâm off to meet my makerâ)
36. Canât have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isnât over).
37. Our medic is called âSgt Larwasaâ, not âDr. Feelgoodâ.
38. Our supply Sgt is âSgt Watkinsâ not âSugar Daddyâ.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. âKeep on Truckingâ is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankindâs baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to âGo to Bragg boulevard and shake daddyâs little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undiesâ.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for âmagic beansâ.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote âDr Seussâ on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell âTake that Cobraâ at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote âFull Metal Jacket â at the rifle range.
54. âNapalm sticks to kidsâ is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to âPut Kiwi on my bootsâ does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to âMake my Boots black and shinyâ does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not âWhy?â
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, weâve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. âThe Giant Space Antsâ are not at the top of my chain of command.
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when Iâm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is âSpecialist Schwarzâ not âPrincess Anastasiaâ.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyoneâs disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play âPulp Fictionâ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add âIn accordance with the prophesyâ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I donât like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product âGet Over itâ.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyoneâs soul on government time.
11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to âSic Brass!â
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my âSamson like powersâ.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous âBarbie Girl Danceâ while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if Iâm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a âWankerâ.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if theyâve been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if itâs true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that âWe kicked your ass in World War 2!â
27. Donât tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Donât take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after âMe frosted lucky charmsâ.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing âHigh Speed Dirtâ by Megadeth during airborne operations. (âSee the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, Iâm off to meet my makerâ)
36. Canât have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isnât over).
37. Our medic is called âSgt Larwasaâ, not âDr. Feelgoodâ.
38. Our supply Sgt is âSgt Watkinsâ not âSugar Daddyâ.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. âKeep on Truckingâ is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankindâs baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to âGo to Bragg boulevard and shake daddyâs little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undiesâ.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for âmagic beansâ.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote âDr Seussâ on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell âTake that Cobraâ at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote âFull Metal Jacket â at the rifle range.
54. âNapalm sticks to kidsâ is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to âPut Kiwi on my bootsâ does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to âMake my Boots black and shinyâ does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not âWhy?â
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, weâve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. âThe Giant Space Antsâ are not at the top of my chain of command.