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LordEmereld
Meteorite
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2010
- Location
- In a house by a lake
Sometimes I think I must be the worst role player to get stuck with. I am good enough that I get some people excited to RP with me for a while, but then I inevitably get sick again and disappear entirely. People are mostly understanding I would say 90% of people get it when I tell them, but I always feel guilty when I eventually start to come to lucidity again and they’ve moved on and forgotten where we left off.
Intellectually I know I cannot control my health and that I‘m not doing it intentionally but I can’t help but feel less of myself for failing to maintain consistency in my writing habits or my habits in general for that matter.
If I had always been like this that would be one thing, but it struck me so hard when I had been just old enough to taste adulthood for the first couple fresh years and then it was just over and I started having difficulty with more things over time. It got to the point where I wasn’t even able to just sit with my own thoughts.
I go through these moods that I can’t seem to escape. They suffocate me and my higher brain functions just pass out until I’m in a stupor for months at a time. By the time I start to come to self consciousness again the relief is almost euphoric. These constant extreme cognitive experiences leave my entire sense of self and psyche in a state of constant flux resulting in essentially madness. My distorted sense of relationships and reality are proof enough of that.
The consistency illudes me even when I’m lucid however, my attention span not allowing me to focus on any one project long enough to finish it
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Intellectually I know I cannot control my health and that I‘m not doing it intentionally but I can’t help but feel less of myself for failing to maintain consistency in my writing habits or my habits in general for that matter.
If I had always been like this that would be one thing, but it struck me so hard when I had been just old enough to taste adulthood for the first couple fresh years and then it was just over and I started having difficulty with more things over time. It got to the point where I wasn’t even able to just sit with my own thoughts.
I go through these moods that I can’t seem to escape. They suffocate me and my higher brain functions just pass out until I’m in a stupor for months at a time. By the time I start to come to self consciousness again the relief is almost euphoric. These constant extreme cognitive experiences leave my entire sense of self and psyche in a state of constant flux resulting in essentially madness. My distorted sense of relationships and reality are proof enough of that.
The consistency illudes me even when I’m lucid however, my attention span not allowing me to focus on any one project long enough to finish it
Like this post