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Leighton's Beauty & the Beast (Myah // Weiss)

It was precisely that bitter taste in his mouth. His disdain for her. Her equal hatred for him. This would never be boring for him, it was nothing short of exhilarating. He absolutely fucking despised her and having sex with her was the single most cathartic thing he could've managed to do. And he wanted to know that she despised him too. It gave him complete closure over having such a seemingly irrational hatred for her. "...Fuck off with that." Julius growled into her ear, slamming up into her once more. "If you want to rake those pretty fucking nails down my back then do it... drop the timid shit, you bitch." Completely unapologetic in how he handled her, his arms curled underneath her body and picked her up for just a moment until she felt her back crash against the couch.

Within moments, the thick smack of his thighs slamming against her own filled the room with an unapologetic rhythm of him fucking her. He let her bury her face against his shoulder, look past him and pretend that whatever was happening wasn't going on. Despite that, he wished that she wouldn't. Fucking someone as dead as her would've been completely boring if not for the pretense under how they were doing it. At the very end of it all, he would get satisfaction from this. Just the feeling of him throbbing in her would tell her that he was going to finish at some point even if it would've been beyond terrible for her until then.

Curling her back a little more firmly, he buried her smaller, more lithe frame against his far larger one. He pinned his chest against her own, made every single inch of her completely locked underneath something far more stronger and overpowering than she was. All the while, he continued to slam into her again and again now that he had eased in enough to not make tear her apart and make her scream. Julius wanted to mark her. To leave a hickey along her neck and truly make her claw at her skin, enough that he would scare her by burying his lips against her collarbone. Teeth grazed along it for a moment, stopping in only a soft blow against her skin.

Three, nearly four minutes would pass of him burying himself into her and only then did he finally start to slow down into a pace that was much more leisurely than how roughly he had begun. Broad fingers buried themselves in her hair, intertwining in her locks and clutching tight to keep her figure completely glued to his own. Julius wouldn't allow her to move an inch, he didn't want her to feel an ounce of power or control... all except her hands which could only shift aimlessly along his back.
 
She hated this. She hated this. Fuck she hated this.

How fucking disgusting did she have to be to allow herself to be subjected to this? Again? If Ryder ever found out, she knew he'd hate her. He'd think of her the same way she thought of herself; disgusting. That was the only word to describe her. And whether Julius meant it or not, this act, was seemingly the final nail hammered into her confidence. Never mind what he was doing, she hated herself. How could she live with this? It was fine that she didn't see sex as some huge important symbol because that was her choice. She chose to give her body to the boys who found themselves on their knees before her.

She didn't choose this.

Lexie flinched. She actually fucking flinched. His growled response biting at the shell of her ear had been followed by an all too powerful thrust, one that easily reminded her that he was the very same guy who had torn into her only weeks before. "Don't fucking talk." She snapped back, it was easier to ignore everything when he kept quiet, it was easier to ignore him. Well as easy as it was for a man buried inside of her. She blinked, gritting her teeth. It was almost as if he had forgotten that she was real, with the way he was handling her.

The bastard had been careful in not bruising her, and she was fucking pissed off at that. Bruises were easier, bruises were something she could show off, something she could broadcast with a grim smile that read I didn't fucking agree to this. However, no bruises meant it was consensual. At least that's what it'd look like. And the marks she'd no doubt leave down his back out of retaliation? He could use them. Yeah, fuck, she hated herself. She wanted to fucking die.

She froze. The feeling of his lips against her collarbone an unfamiliar feeling; one she didn't enjoy much. "No," She uttered, palms of her hands resting against his chest. "What are you doing?" A small yelp left her lips almost the second his teeth grazed her skin, and then they were gone, and he was blowing.....no. "We didn't agree to this!" He had given her a fucking hickey. Something that would be way too fucking hard to cover up, she didn't have any foundation left - she had thrown out every item she had the night after everything had happened, along with every revealing clothing she had. Shit. Shit. Shit.

No. She was done now. Her fingers raked painfully down the flesh of his back, rougher than she had before, wanting to leave him pulling away. His fingers curled through strands of brunette hair, a soft snarl leaving her lips. "I'm done," She grunted, trailing her fingers along his back, until her palm rested on his chest.
 
Another husky groan met her ears the moment she dragged her nails down his skin but he wouldn't pull back. Rather, it only made him bury himself deeper into her with another thrust. "Are you? Who said I was done? ...Fucking relax, Lexie. I could've made it nice and deep if I wanted to. It'll heal in a little while, I didn't dig my teeth in." Smacking her wrists away, he continued rolling her hips against his own at the same pace that they had settled into prior to her starting to panic. "...Unlike the fucking claw marks you loved dragging down my back." Had she stayed just as silent as he had, Julius never would've opened his mouth again. Now that she was getting mouthy with him, he spared absolutely nothing in the way of words. No matter how much she tried to shove against him, he only pinned her down more against the couch and brought her down rougher atop the dick buried into her.

"Admit it. You fucking enjoyed it. Giving me even a little bit of pain sure does take a load off your chest, doesn't it? Vile bitch." Lips curled into an all too handsome smile for the sort of man he was. Maybe her blood would run ice cold at the realization of what she had done, but he hoped it didn't. Instead, he buried her hands underneath his shirt to rest over his powerful figure. "I fucking hate you so much. And I want to know you feel the same way. So just cut the nice girl bullshit. Make a mess... enough that there's not even a shadow of a doubt how much we were at each other's throats." Slowly, he began to pull away as if he was going to finally, for once in his life, give her something she wanted. Instead, he dragged her up with a yank before turning around and falling back on the couch to force her into a straddle over top of him.

Julius knew what he was doing. The position that he had forced her into had his nape right against her lips. Just liker hers, Julius' neck and throat were completely barren of any marks just like hers had been before he ruined it. "Do it. You know you want to. You looked fucking great tied down that night, Lexie. If I'd known you wouldn't have done shit like a good little bitch, I wouldn't have needed to tie you down like that. Isn't that right?" Curling his palm against her cheek, he stroked it and softly patted soon after like she was some sort of good little puppy. They were still connected, his length buried into her all the way to the base from where she was over top of him.
 
I fucking hate you so much. And fuck was that hatred reciprocated. It was hard to believe only a few months ago the duo were inseparable, well, the trio. But as much as she despised Alexander, she didn't hate him as much as she hated the man buried inside of her. She wanted to fucking strangle the bastard, wanted to watch the colour drain from his cheeks, and life from his eyes. And that thought scared her. She had never been violent in her life, never once wanted to end somebody's life. It was all too much for her. "If it hurt, then yes I fucking enjoyed it." She sneered, lips curling into a snarl. Vile bitch. Vile bitch. Vile bitch...

Her hands were beneath his shirt before she even realized what he was doing, fingernails resting a little too gently on his stomach. Make a mess. Make a mess...If she focused all her attention on causing him pain, it'd be as if he weren't fucking her. It'd be a distraction. He'd finish quicker. It was going to stray from anything sexual soon enough though, and be a fucking match on who could cause the most pain. He deserved it. He deserved every last scratch of her nail, he deserved the blood that just barely seeped through the grazes, and he deserved to fucking suffer.

Lexie was straddling him by the time she finally paid attention, again. Her lips hovering above his neck. The only thing the brunette had been enjoying was causing him pain, and it worked to a certain degree that she hardly even felt him still inside of her. She was distracted, every wicked thought surfacing, every fleeting action she had dreamed of since that night flickered through her mind. You looked fucking great tied down that night. Brown hues narrowed into a glare the moment his palm stroked along her cheek. Her lips hovered above his ear. "I fucking hate you, and I hope you fucking die." The hiss of her words were barely heard before her lips pressed against his neck - not in a loving way, not in a way to help him derive pleasure from it. Instead, it was supposed to fucking hurt. Hell, she wasn't even giving him a hickey at this point, the way her teeth roughly bit at his skin made that abundantly clear. She was biting him. Hard enough to draw fucking blood, too.
 
Just the words he wanted to hear. His sneer met her ears the moment she finally admitted what was on her mind, those thorough thoughts of revenge on him. It wasn't just justice she wanted, how could she? He knew her better than that. She wanted to see them suffer to get her closure, wanted them to feel even an ounce of the pain that he made her feel. "I'm not going anywhere, bitch. You know that. ...Fuck, relax a little." Growling into her ear from how fiesty he had gotten, he sank his fingers into her hair close enough to her roots that he got a tight grip before tearing her off of him once more. "You dumb bitch... you really went in for it." His breathing was hitched, his own treatment of her becoming far more rough as he used her entire weight to slam down over top of his member. Rather than going soft, he felt as thick and hard in her as ever, the throbbing being a sign that he was close to finishing up inside of her. Had he been softer with her, it would've been easier to ignore but he had long since ditched the slower paced slams. Now, he made sure she could feel every inch of his painfully hard arousal inside of her. Julius made sure she knew that the man she desperately hated was just about to finish using her for pleasure yet another time in her life.

It was a dangerous game the two had been playing. Once they came out the room, their conditions would've been the first cause of concern for Alexander and Nicola. There was no getting out of it... unless they ditched the pair as soon as possible. Curling one hand into her hair from behind, he buried it against his frame and slammed up once more. The room that was formerly filled with the noises of their heavy breaths and hateful whispers and mutters was silenced for just a moment as the thick sensation of something spilling against her depths could finally be felt and the blonde in front of her finally let out a relieved sigh. "Get off, idiot. We're cleaning up and getting out of her as soon as possible." His arms still remained coiled around her waist but just as soon as he came off his high, they began to shove her off of himself until she fell back against the couch.

One hand rose to his neck, wetness staining the palm. It was just deep enough that he was bleeding. "Not half bad... can't say I'm surprised though. The goody two-shoes look fits you like such shit." Wiping his hand along the inner lining of his jean, he quickly clothed himself and fixed his up his appearance without giving any attention at all towards his partner. Pulling his hand into his pocket, he dragged her phone out and tossed it onto the couch. "Here's to hoping that we never fucking end up in another double date again." Smiling bitterly at her, he headed for the door so they could get out a few minutes early. Hopefully, the other pair would still be stuck in their room and they could just ditch the place in the meantime. He got what he wanted, he was sure she wasn't in the mood to keep the date going after.
 
Lexie wasn't as worried about Ryder seeing the hickey, considering she knew he wasn't like everybody else. He wouldn't jump to conclusions, he'd either ask about it, or automatically assume something bad happened. Which, it did. She might not of struggled or said the word no but it was still unwanted, as was the slightly bruising hickey. Perhaps if he had been anybody else, she'd be worried about his reaction. Her lower lip curled up in disgust the moment Julius finished inside of her, the fleeting thoughts of meeting Ryder as soon as she got out disappeared altogether. She couldn't see him in this condition, she needed to scrub herself raw.

"Wouldn't want Alexander seeing you like that," She mused sardonically. "Scared he'll beat you?" She teased, a slight jab at their relationship. She had always seen Julius as his brother's bitch, more than anything. The blonde always followed through with what his brother told him, it was sickening, really. Except that night. Alexander listened to Julius. Her feet hit the floor, fingers curling around her jeans before she slid into them, palm moving through her hair in an attempt to straighten it out, before she shifted it so the locks rested neatly against her shoulders, covering her neck.

"Is that it?" She finally murmured. "Are we done now? Are you going to leave me alone?" Maybe it was wishful thinking but she fucking hoped he would. She knew the harassment at the Academy wouldn't stop, but she'd be able to deal with it if the brother's stopped with theirs. At least, she thought she would. A girl could only take so much before they broke, altogether. Her gaze followed the way he tossed her phone and before she could stop herself, she was reaching for it.

Can we meet up earlier?

The brunette wasted no time in hitting send, clearing her throat she shoved past the blonde, knuckles banging against the door. She wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible.
 
"Alexander isn't shit. But god, you fucking wish he was, don't you?" He sneered at her, knowing full well that she understood that he was able to pressure his brother into the worst night of her life. Waiting for the door to open soon after, he pushed past her just to pause for a moment at the entrance of the shop. Julius knew one very simple thing that she didn't, something that would make her even more disgusted with what had just happened. Luckily for the both of them, neither Nicola nor Alexander were anywhere in sight. "Keep a collar on your boyfriend." Snickering back at something or other, he left ahead of her and vanished off down some street, in a complete hurry to leave her.

The reply from Ryder came a few minutes after.

Sure. Haven't left my room yet so let me take a shower. When do you want to meet?

Julius' blackmail of her and Ryder's message seemed to directly contradict each other. The blonde had been long gone so she had no one to grill and every second she spent waiting on the block was another second that she might've had to explain to Nicola or Alexander what had just happened and that she wasn't planning on staying with them anytime soon. Another message lit up on her phone.

If you want to meet up earlier, want to go out on another date?
 
In about an hour? Meet at my dorm?

Lexie was grinning at her phone by the time she pushed through the doors of her dorm, her fingers typing up a single response before she, herself, hit the shower.

Yes please.

It was as if her emotions had been building up to the very moment she collapsed into the shower, her knees pressed to her chest as the water trickled down her body, tears following suit. It had always been easier to have breakdowns in the shower rather than anywhere else, especially with the whole tears mistaken for water thing. She hadn't expected everything to hit her so soon, not when she was a little too excited to see Ryder again.

Oh god...what would he think of her?

Her fingers gently ran along the purple faint bruising on her neck; a fucking reminder. She was disgusting, useless, worthless. She didn't understand it...how had she fallen so far? How was she expected to see the brother's everyday? Why did she think she could do it? She wasn't a fucking hardass like she so desperately wanted to believe. Everyone's comments buried themselves under her skin, every dirty look made her feel small. Made her feel as if she was nothing.

And maybe she was.

She swallowed, another sob causing her shoulders to shake ever so slightly. As if calling her name, her gaze flickered to the razor perched peacefully on the side of the tub, the shiny metal of the blade winking at her. One cut and this would all be over. She doubted her mother would care, she'd probably be happy that she didn't have to have such a fuck-up of a daughter. In Marlene's eyes Lexie would never be enough. She would never be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough. Forever the family disappointment, no matter how hard she tried.

Ryder.

He'd care...right? Had they known one another long enough for him to be affected if she suddenly died? Would he simply move on and find another annoying chick to fawn over? Maybe she should just transfer. She only had a year and a half to go, and then she graduated. She could always do senior year at some other shitty Academy, one where nobody knew of her.
 
His experience in the shower was far different than hers. In fact, everything leading up to the moment he woke up was different. The text from Lexie was one of the first things he woke to, as lazy as it was to sleep in and it was the best damn thing he could've possibly woken up to. It didn't matter much how long he slept in considering it was a day off. Pulling a couple of clean clothes of his drawer, he tossed them into a stack inside of the bathroom before giving himself a quick shower. Just enough that she wouldn't be able to smell anything but the slight hint of his own personal smell and soap. He had never been the sort of social butterfly to tell that she had called him way too early despite having plans for the day. He didn't bother to ask about it, didn't bother to worry about it. Ryder wasn't thinking that anyone was off with her, though that surely would've changed if he caught sight of the state she was in.

Shutting the shower water off, he dried himself and ran just one hand through his hair to part it to the side. Dark eyes stared back at him. It was a rustic enough look, nothing too over the top. He would never be like the twins in fussing about how he dressed to an extensive degree. Pulling over a white undershirt and then an open gray sweater over top of it, he finally finished everything off with a pair of dark jeans. The moment he was done, he gave her a call. No reply.

In the shower, maybe. Or she was busy with something. He didn't think too much of it. Making his way out of his room, he sat down and waited in the lobby. Once more, he tried to call her. This time around, instead of waiting for it to connect he made his way to her dorm room. He had seen it enough times from the amount of people who were lurking around it. Resting his back against the wall in front of her door, he waited for something. A call, a text, or best of all, Lexie herself.
 
Her phone rang and yet she couldn't bring herself to answer it. She knew who would be on the other end and what was she supposed to say to him? She didn't want to cancel but...she didn't quite think she was stable enough to leave the bathroom yet - or the shower. Or ever. She could drop all of this - she could just leave. Pack up and go wherever the fuck she wanted. Nobody would notice. That wasn't fair to Ryder though, was it? Had they even come far enough for him to be affected by her disappearance? They kissed, yeah, but that didn't exactly mean he was in love with her. She wasn't even too sure she knew what love was.

Before she had realized what she was doing, the blade was gripped between shaking fingers. Could she do it...? She was already the laughing stock of the Academy, what would they all say if they found out she self harmed? And why did she care? Fuck. Why did she care? Everything...everything was falling apart. After that night she had researched victims stories and took into an account what sort of depression they fell into - and this was it. The blaming, the self loathing, the starving and harming herself. She needed help, she knew that, but she wouldn't get it.

The blade slid effortlessly across her skin. Droplets of blood immediately bubbled to the surface, dripping down her wrist. It was only a small cut but the blood mixed with the water made her wrist seem as if it had come straight out of a horror movie. The pain surprised her - it wasn't a slight tickle like she thought it would be, which was stupid considering it was a cut. Instead it felt as if somebody was stabbing multiple knifes into her at once. And altogether everything else seemed to fade. Pain was the only thing on her mind; and just like that, one cut became four.

With the shock of the first cut came the loud noise as one of the shampoo bottles crashed to the floor, she thought nothing of it, especially since she had no idea Ryder was waiting outside of her dorm for her, or that she had left the door unlocked.
 
Ringing of a phone matched with the sound of a shower from the bathroom adjacent to the door, it was easy enough to figure out that she was taking a shower in there and left her phone out. Then came the crash. Ryder tensed for a moment, thinking for, just a moment, that the worst was happening. Assaulted again, that someone else was in there with her... but no sounds of struggling, screaming, or fighting back could be heard. Slowly, he reached his knuckles forward to rap them against the front door-- just for it to open with the first knock. She forgot to lock her own door? The sinking sensation in his stomach returned for another moment as he ventured in a step or two. The bathroom door was closed in front of him, the sound of the shower still going on.

For minutes, he contemplated what the hell he was doing. Entering a girl's room uninvited, for one... and then second of all staying right there with his hand against the door, listening quietly. Snapping out of the messy situation he had found himself in, he raised his voice softly. "...Lexie?" Sure, he thought that she would be surprised to hear him, but he couldn't have possibly known what was going on with that thin door between them and the sound of water droplets covering what she was doing to herself. "You left your door unlocked. Are you okay? I heard something drop." Planting his palm on the bathroom door, he waited. Forcing his way into her bathroom was another thing entirely and he wasn't about to go that far just because he heard something loud drop in her bathroom.

"Hey, listen... just let me know you're alright. I don't need to hear anything else. I'll step back and wait outside after." As softly as he had started up, he finished his words with her and remained silent. How long would've been too long? He was sure that if she kept silent for another few minutes he would've started to shift from being just worried to panicked. If the door in front of him had to go down due to that, he didn't give a damn. It would.
 
Lexie?

Not even the soft voice of Ryder was able to break her free from whatever trance she had found herself in - the blade continued to slash at her wrists, despite the urge and want to stop. It was like she was fucking possessed. She couldn't tell anymore whether there was so much blood because of the water, or whether it was because that was how bad it was. Would she need stitches? Fuck she couldn't go get stitches for this, not when she did it herself. Her shoulders shook with every silent cry - she didn't seem to mind that Ryder had entered her dorm, or that he was standing right outside.

Everything hurt. However, the pain this time was coming solely from her wrist and arm. It was enough to have her grip tightening painfully around the blade, blood seeping from the unintentional cut. She threw it, the small metal object somehow landing in the sink diagonal from the shower. And then she was staring down at the bloodied mess she had created, blinking away the tears. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Her chest heaved with every rapid breath, lower lip quivering. There was so much blood.

"Ryder?" The brunette managed to croak out - fingers shakily turning the shower head off.
 
Just the sound of her voice was enough to immediately hurt. The soft sting of knowing that someone he cared for was in a terrible state. Exhaling softly, he pressed his back to the door and sat down outside of it. What was he suppose to say? There were so many times he had been in a similar situation and it frightened him. All those times, he wanted nothing more than to be left alone from whatever person was doing their best to have him let them in. Ryder knew just one thing.

He didn't want to be shut out.

"Lexie. I don't know what happened. I don't know what you're doing in there and whether I should be anywhere near this worried but..." Fuck, come on. If only the words would come to him a little more eloquently. Biting his lower lip, he was sure just a little more force would cause it to bleed and as clumsy as it might've been, he managed to coax out a few more words for what he genuinely felt. "...I guess I just want you to know that I care about you. I know it's tough. That it's unfair. It seems like there's always someone there to shove you down after you get back up. I know. It's not much consolation to have some guy who probably doesn't even understand the half of it. But I am here. And I'll stay here. All until you tell me to leave. I promise you that."

Pulling his hand back, he turned his knuckle to the doorframe and gave it a quick rap to let her know that he was right outside the door. After that, he went silent. All he could do was stare straight ahead, waiting silently for something-- anything.
 
Her heart hammered against her rib-cage, the organ feeling as if it were going to jump right out of her chest. She focused on his words, exhaling soft breaths every now and then. He cared about her. In a way she had already known that, especially since they had grown pretty close over the last few weeks but, for some reason hearing him say it out loud made it real. He cared about her when nobody else did, and that meant more to her than he'd ever know. I'll stay here. Shakily running the palm of her hand along her cheeks she wiped at the few stray tears, finally - for the most part - calming down.

Lexie swallowed, gaze flickering towards the blood still running down her arm. Yeah there was definitely a lot of it. Fuck, she hadn't meant to go that deep, really she hadn't. Things had just escalated, her pain was the only thing she could focus on. Clumsily she stood to her feet, fingers feeling for the towel draped over the basket they kept their things in. Wrapping the fabric around her body she silently cursed at the crimson color already staining the once white material. Would Ryder be mad at her? Would he judge her?

Shuffling towards the door she almost fell over her own feet, suddenly feeling as if she were going to faint. She had never liked the sight of blood. Her fingers wrapped around the door handle before pulling it open nearly halfway. "Ryder..." She trailed off, tone a little more panicky than before. "I, uh, I'm bleeding." Her lips quivered, gaze looking anywhere but at the boy she may or may not be falling for. "There's a lot of blood...like a lot. I don't know what to do." On her way to the door she had grabbed at a wash cloth and now the rag was pathetically draped over her wrist, already turning from a light shade of blue to a dark shade of red. Did she even have a first aid kit? Fuck she didn't think she did.
 
It felt painfully long until the door finally opened. Ryder had heard her shuffling on the other side but it wasn't until she finally slipped through that he suddenly wished that she hadn't. The look in his eyes was pained, furrowing as he stared into her utterly pathetic and sorry condition. His eyes were locked only on her wrist for that moment, wordlessly staring. Even her words weren't met with a look from him until finally he took a deep breath and looked up at her. Reaching forward, he rested his hand against her cheek and raised it so she wasn't looking at her wrist any more. "Don't look at it. You're okay. There's a lot of things I want to say about this, but I'll save it for later. We'll get you patched up first and then we'll get you to the hospital. And Lexie, I don't care if you weren't thinking about it, but don't you fucking dare argue against going to the hospital." Grasping her free hand, he guided her back into the bathroom and pressed the door close behind him with his back before ushering her to lean up against the sink.

Disgusting memories flooded in. His own wrists were uncut, completely barren of any sort of injury but he knew this sight all too well. Every time he caught her eyes wandering down, he just rested a finger under her chin to lift her gaze away. First was to check for the coloration. It was deep. He could tell that much from the amount of blood seeping out... but he didn't see any brightly colored red. "...Missed the vein, huh?" Muttering under his breath, he continued to stare for another moment or two. Maybe she narrowly nicked it, or maybe she missed it entirely. His back was still completely rigid but at that point a significant part of the tension seeped out of his form. Turning her wrist over, he washed it in the sink for a moment before tightening the wet wash cloth as strongly as he could manage around her wrist. It might've even felt painfully tight but he wouldn't let her loosen it at all.

"Get dressed. I put enough pressure onto the wound to stop the bleeding for now but it's dangerous to keep it that way, your hand will go numb after too long. You need stitches." Rather than pulling away, he remained against her thighs and kept her against the sink with a grip against her hip. Only now did he finally lock eyes with her and the sight that she would've seen was neither panic nor concern. Only disappointment.

"...Did it feel good? Doing that to yourself? Did it make you forget?" Jerking his hand forward, he grabbed her wrist and ground his wrist against the tightly wrapped wash cloth that was already getting thicker with blood. "I hope it was worth it, Lexie. I'm not telling you to be ashamed, it was your choice. But what I am saying is that when I see you hurt yourself, you hurt me too." Pausing for a moment, he heaved another sigh. "...Sorry. Probably not the moment for this. But it's so fucking frustrating... let's go." Dragging himself away, he finally let her away from the sink to make a call in her room. The sooner they got to the hospital, the sooner this terrible fucking day would be over for the both of them. It was a quick phone call to a buddy in town to get a ride, something told Ryder that she wouldn't want to go to the school infirmary so the local hospital was the next best bet.
 
"You're mad at me." She stated, rather bluntly. Her gaze never wandered from his, though that probably had more to do with the fact that she didn't want to look at her wrist. She was sure the blood would make her vomit. She was left staring long after he had shuffled into her room to make what she assumed to be a phone call. He was mad at her, and that only seemed to frustrate her more. He didn't have a reason to be. She hadn't done anything wrong. With those thoughts floating, she turned to change into the clothes she had already set aside before the entire thing.

Slipping into a pair of leggings she pulled a sweatshirt over her head, wincing the moment the fabric brushed along her wrist. Once she was done she made her way back into her room, gaze catching Ryder's once more. "No," She murmured, if only to cut the tension. "You don't get to be angry or disappointed or anything else!" Dark hues narrowed in on him, but it wasn't him she was upset with. It was herself. He was there, and so he was the one she lashed out at. "You have no idea what it's like, Ryder." She murmured. "You have no idea what it's like to wake up every goddamn day wanting to die. You have no idea what it's like to have people staring at you everywhere you go whispering about what a huge slut you are, for something you didn't even do."

Wringing her hands out in front of her, she swallowed. "We had sex." The words fell from her lips before she could stop them. "Earlier...My roommate dragged me on this date thing with her and Julius and Alexander, it was an escape room or whatever." Absentmindedly her fingers dragged along her arm, scratching at her skin. "I didn't want to. He said that if I didn't, you'd get expelled." She blinked in an attempt to keep the tears from falling, they were more out of frustration than anything. "So yes it did make me feel better, it did make me forget for the tiniest second." Maybe next time she should've just drowned herself in liquor. That's not a bad idea, actually.

"I didn't want to." Her voice cracked, the back of her hand swiping at the underneath of her eyes, drying her cheeks of any tears. Without waiting for him to say anything, she shoved past him, heading out of the dorms to wait for whoever was coming to get them.
 
He wouldn't bother to respond. Like he had said, it was neither the time nor the place. Ryder only followed after her and at some point had strode into the lead in front of her so that she could follow after him. Luckily for the two of them, the lobby was relatively quiet and they didn't run into anyone on their way out... even if they had it wouldn't be anything more than a shove to get them out of the way. Right as they came up to the avenue adjacent to the school, Ryder's phone began to ring once more.

"...Yeah, we're at the front. Black? Is it that one?" He raised his arm towards one of the cars on the street before it reversed on the road to line up along the sidewalk. Slowing down, he pressed a hand against her back and encouraged her to keep going. "Let's go." The fear that she would snap at him was still there, or start to hate him for wanting to support her like this. Honestly, he had no idea where to draw the boundary but it was true that he was frustrated with her, that they would have to talk at some point. For now, all he wanted her to do was just comply and get to the hospital rather than making a scene. Ryder would do her best not to antagonize her in the same way but if she wanted to melt down here he would've been happy to let it all leak out in one disgusting mess.

Making his way to the back of the car, he opened the door to the rear seats of the black car before waiting on her and heading in after she had. Rather than needing to say anything to the front driver, another blonde with sunglasses covering his eyes and a tracksuit over his upper half, the car started moving soon after. She said a number of things that were still buzzing in his head. Something that was caused by him forced her into this situation... that was something he still had to come to terms with. Turning to glance at her again, the urge to give her something a little more than just a cold shoulder was still gnawing at him from the inside.

Pushing his hand forward, he gently prodded under her fingertips. "Can I?" Soft as ever, he mumbled those words low enough that only she could hear them and then waited to see if she would let him hold her hand.
 
This had been one of those moments where the brunette regretted ever opening her mouth in the first place. Her meltdown was stupid, and she couldn't decide whether that was because he paid no heed to it or if it was simply because it was stupid. Ryder didn't care, why would he? He had said he did, but that didn't mean he meant he cared about her problems. God, why was so fucking dumb? Her arms wrapped around her midsection, careful to avoid any pressure on her wrist, as she followed quietly behind him. She was at least thankful that they weren't going to the nurse on campus, the last thing she needed was the unsolicited judgement.

She slid into the car, gaze never once latching onto the blonde in the driver's seat, instead she allowed her head to softly fall against the cool glass of the window, watching the scenery rush by. She was curious about the driver, of course she was, but she wouldn't bring that up to him, not yet. For some reason she couldn't imagine Ryder having friends who didn't go to the academy - maybe that was because of his...off-putting nature and desire to hate on everything before even getting to know them. Huh, who would've thought the two of them would've grown so close? Her gaze caught sight of a group of friends laughing in the distance, a soft frown curving her lips downwards.

Why couldn't she be that happy? Was it selfish of her to want to be somebody else so badly? It was then that she felt it, his fingers brushing ever so slightly against her own. Lifting her head off of the window momentarily, dark hues glanced down. He hadn't even needed to ask, despite whatever it was they were going through, she needed him, even if she would never admit that. With a silent nod, she slowly intertwined her fingers with his.
 
The attraction he had for her was undeniable, even then as they shifted through their heavy mood he found nothing but the overwhelming urge to embrace her. It was frustrating. The desperation he felt to be something she could get drunk on, melt into and know that everything would be alright but even Ryder knew how pointlessly bullshit emotions like that were. Something of substance... a way he could properly manage to yank her out of the hell she was living in was the only thing that would satisfy him. Until then? The only thing that gnawed in his head was the overwhelming anger at how the girl he was quickly considering as his woman was being tossed around like complete shit. His hand that had curled against her own had tightened a little too firmly in her own, squeezing hard enough to make a numb feeling shoot through their palms.

It took a moment or two for him to notice and when he had, all he could offer was a breathless apology, his lips against her hair for only a moment. Just like that, the bittersweet car ride would carry on and within only twenty-five minutes, they were at their destination.

The sight in front of him was painfully familiar. Only a few steps away was when he broke the glass bottle over her head. Scared away the two twins, and then slowly started to spiral into an ever increasing affection for her. Pulling her out of the car, a voice would call out from behind them just before he could leave fully.

"Hey. Come back to the gym sometime, Ryder. Bring the lady too. Don't really know what you're going through, quite frankly nothing I can say will probably matter worth a shit. But it's good to blow off steam in times like these, in the right ways." Without turning back, he nodded his head and the response was uncharacteristically soft-- any softer and it would've been inaudible.

"...Yeah. Eventually, Dmitri." With those words, he finally headed into the hospital to get her checked in. Relief immediately washed over when he realized there wasn't a long line waiting in the hospital. Releasing her for a moment, he moved his way to the front desk to talk to the attendant.

"Hey, my... friend has some deep cuts on her wrist. I tried to stop the bleeding but it's still soaking through, I'm worried she needs stitches." It took only a moment or two for the attendant at the front desk to ease him and refer both of them to a nurse who quickly brought them to a room. Once more, they had a few short minutes to just each other while they waited for a doctor to arrive and start dealing with the issue. Ryder hoped he was just overreacting, but every time he glanced towards her wrist he could only tell how the wash cloth had become so thick with blood that it was starting to drip. "Lexie. After this do you think you could--"

The arrival of the doctor had Ryder sit up from his place in the room and quickly step out of the room for a moment after being directed by the doctor. The work was quick, within a minute the dirty wash cloth quickly disinfected and replaced with gauze and bandages; stopping the bleeding almost entirely. All throughout, he continued to talk supportively to her, not insinuating anything but offering just enough.

"Is there anyone I can have called for you?"

"There are a handful of support programs and hot lines if you're struggling with depression and thoughts of self-harm..."

"The hospital is always open all hours, in the case anything does happen please come immediately and we'll take care of you, no judgement or anything of the like."

It wasn't too long until he was called out and quickly asked for a nurse to pick up where he had left off. In the small window of time there was, Ryder slipped into the room. "...Want to book it, Lex? Unless you want to stay to hear a little more about this stuff. I'll be patient and wait." Now that her wound had been dealt with, the concern in his eyes had visibly mellowed and he was suddenly looking far less stiff than before... even flashing her the smallest corners of a smile. "I'm not mad. Promise. Frustrated, sure. And well... talk about shit timing, but you still do owe me a date. We can talk it over?" Keeping one foot in the door, he kept glancing in the hallway to see if anyone was coming. Not yet. There was still a small window of time.
 
Perhaps it was selfish of her to harbour negative feelings towards Ryder after all that he had done for her but she did. She had poured her heart out to him, he had been the first she managed to spill what Julius had done to her, and all she had gotten was silence. She understood his frustration, she knew he was right that they were hardly in the time or place for such conversation but what did he expect? That he could just cart her off to the hospital and pretend like what she confessed hadn't happened? Everything that happened was because she wanted to protect him.

And now she had a fucked up memory of it and bruises covering her neck. She was hardly in the mood for a date.

The entire time she felt as if she were encassed in a shitty cliche movie scene, gaze staring unblinkingly ahead as the world seemed to whizz past her. She didn't speak as the doctor spoke about some fucking therapy, she would never attend anyway. She didn't acknowledge his friend...Dmitri? request that he head back up to his gym or whatever shit he was on it about. She was there but at the same time she wasn't. A ghost drifting through time.

"...Want to book it, Lex?"

It was only when his voice drifted through the empy room that she was brought back to earth. Hues flickered to the bandages covering her wrist, a small frown on her lips. Yeah because that wasn't going to bring attention. She shook her head, clearing scattering thoughts. "Huh...what?" She murmured, gaze settling on the man who was already very slowly becoming the center of everything she did, not that she'd ever...openly admit that. "Oh...uh, sure." She cleared her throat, jumping down off of the bed. "I don't really feel like sitting 'round and being told how out of control my life is." I already get that from my mother.

Lexie's gaze softened as he continued, the corner of her lips upturning ever so slightly. How was she supposed to be mad when he was so...cute? "I don't really feel like going on a date.." She tilted her head, brows furrowing. "But if you're wanting to hang out still we can go to my dorm and drown ourselves in alcohol?" She grinned, a little too eager to get fucked up. What better way to forget everything? "You don't have to drink if you don't want to!" She quickly backtracked, offering a sheepish shrug of her shoulders. "You can babysit meee." With a sing-songing tone to her voice, she sidestepped him, gaze moving to glance down the hallway.
 
Once she had tried to pass him, an arm wrapped around her waist and he pulled her into a hug. Sure, it wasn't a great place to do it, but he didn't really care. He wanted her in his arms for that moment. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her head just to mumble with his lips still pinned against her hair. "What do you mean, hang out still? Of course I still want to hang out with you, stupid." Kneeling, he buried his hands against her cheeks and locked eyes with her. "Hey." He let the words hang in the air and furrowed his brow a little... just for them to curl into a smile soon after. It wasn't something he did often in general but with her it always seemed to be the exception. "I'm really happy I can spend more time with you. You know that? Let's go. I have a bottle of vodka stashed away that we can take shots from. It'll make kissing taste fucking terrible and it'll be great."

Curling his hands into her own, he tightly wove his fingers in hers and navigated out of the hospital. He made sure to avoid the route that the doctor and nurses took to get to Lexie's room and instead just walked out without anyone stopping him or noticing. Some part of it wanted to emphasize more. That he was afraid of losing her. That he wanted to spend even more time with her. But it just didn't feel like the right time... he had pushed her away because he was disappointed in how she had hurt herself and some of that disappointment had translated from him being incapable of being there to help her. So fucking pathetic... His hand gripped hers a little too tightly, before he loosened and mumbled an apology.

Ryder made sure to stop by a convenience store to grab some regular drinks to chase the alcohol down. It would've been terrible if they just took raw shots and had the flavor burning their mouths for the rest of the night.

They reached the dorms in mostly silence, though there was a bit of small talk here and there to keep the mood from spiraling too badly. Ryder never once let go of her hands. He hated the idea of letting her go in this moment. "I'll see you at your room, alright?" Letting go of her hand, he took a few steps back cautiously. He didn't want to let her go quite yet. The look in his eyes seemed to show a similar sentiment, but he would take one step after another back before finally turning his back to her to go to his room.

He spent only about five minutes in his room, grasping the bottle he had tucked underneath his bed along with the plastic bag of shot glasses he had from before. Did he drink heavily? No. But there were times that getting black out drunk was definitely the right thing to do and this was one of them. Shoving the bottle into his plastic bag, he froze for a moment. Looking over his shoulder and he met eyes with his roommate. "...What?"

"Nothing. You were out for a while without saying anything..." Him? Worried? A guy who barely said any words to him? Ryder stood up and tucked the plastic bag behind him.

"You're going out drinking. I don't really care. You don't need to hide it." Pressing a hand up, he took a step back and went for his computer wordlessly. Ryder had the passing thought of inviting him but it was quickly squashed due to the fact that he knew nothing about the guy and he wanted some privacy with Lexie. Locking the door behind him, he headed for her room and then knocked on the door.

"Lex. I'm here."
 
Lexie threw her head back in a laugh, nose scrunching. "Aren't you romantic?" She cooed, glancing down as he intertwined their fingers together. It was weird, she had never felt this way about anybody before...it was new. She had never been involved with anybody unless it included at least one of them taking their clothes off, and that hadn't happened yet and she didn't care. All she cared about was being with him, being in his company. She rested her head on his shoulder as they walked through the halls, expertly avoiding any and all nurses or doctors who might've tried to give her yet another lecture.

By the time they arrived at the dorms a small pout curled it's way onto her lips. Was she being clingy for missing him already? He hadn't even left yet, Lexie. Pull yourself together. And so she did, offering him a grin that could've put the fucking chesire cat to shame. "I'll be waiting!" She called over her shoulder, blowing a teasing kiss to him before sauntering towards the girl's dorms. On her way, she pulled out her phone to see if Nicola had messaged anything, but she hadn't. A soft sigh fell from her lips before she shoved the device back into her pocket. Why did she have to go out with him? Of all people!

The brunette came to a halt at the sound of somebody clearing their throat, her gaze flickering over her shoulder. She visibly relaxed, turning on her heel. "Meredith." She greeted with a subtle nod of her head.

"Hi.." The redhead wrung her hands out nervously in front of her, and already, Lexie knew she had something on her mind. The two had been best friends before she had met the twins, before High School had become a battle ground full of bloodshed and hatred. Before Meredith completely abandoned her.

"What do you want?"

She recoiled at the hostilty, allowing her shoulders to drop. "I've heard the rumors and things, I know we don't talk anymore but if you ever need somebody.." She trailed off, gaze flickering down to her wrist before averting just as quickly. "To talk to, you know I'm here."

"Yeah, thank you." With that, Lexie turned and hurried down the hall to her own dorm. Perhaps it was harsh for her to treat her like that but she had left her. The redhead had jumped at the first opportunity for popularity and left her stranded. She wasn't so popular anymore, that was probably why she was trying to make amends. Scoffing at the thought, the brunette pushed through her door, closing it behind her.

Stupid fucking Meredith, thinking she could fucking come back! After everything she had done!

She did miss her though.

The moment Ryder's voice echoed throughout the dorm, she shot up. Sliding towards the door she yanked it open with a dreamy sigh. "You have no idea how much I need this," She whined, careful to keep an eye on the halls, as if her ex friend would pop up from nowhere. It was almost as if the brunette hadn't just wished death upon herself, or hadn't just literally been at the hospital. She had always been good at that, covering one emotion up for another.
 
"Getting black out drunk rarely helps for shit in the long run." Snorting in response, he let himself in before locking the door tight around them. Last thing they needed was for someone to catch them drinking and snitch. Pulling the bottle of New Amsterdam Vodka out, he tightened his grip on the cap before popping it open and sitting it on the nightstand. Laying back on her bed, he tossed the two shot glasses onto the mattress near him and let out a sigh. "Wonder if this is a good idea. We should..." Talk. But about what? That was always the problem... he didn't know what to say. He had the feeling that he wouldn't be able to ask about anything relevant once he was a couple of shots in and the alcohol finally hit his blood stream.

Grabbing the bottle, he poured both of them a shot but instead of letting her start drinking he just covered his hand over top of the shot glasses. Locking eyes with her, he waited for a moment or two. What was it that he wanted to say? Think. He had to choke something out. Grasping her hand, he dragged her a little closer and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Promise me we'll talk about this later. Okay? We both could've handled it better, that's aside from the point. You matter to me."

Pausing he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Losing steam like this fucking sucked... but it was what it was. Of course he wasn't good at expressing his emotions after spending years barking up at everyone at the slightest thing.

"Out of anyone at this fucking academy, I don't want to lose you. So promise me. That we'll get our time to talk." Lifting his hand from the shot glass, he grabbed one of the tiny orange cups and downed the alcohol making sure to avoid letting it hit his tongue for too long. Tasted fucking awful. Pulling out the soda they had bought to go along with it, he drowned himself in a cup.

"...Let's play a game." Drinking sucked when it was less people. This time around though he didn't mind too much. But in the future? Once they both got a little better about how they handled everything, maybe they'd let a few more people in. The one way to alleviate that was to play a drinking game. It worked especially well considering they were taking shots. "Something like strip poker. But with alcohol. If you get the lower hand, you have to take a shot. Or maybe we can do blackjack. If you go over 21 or you get less than the other person you have to take a shot."

Were they going to get absolutely fucking plastered? Obviously. Was it probably going to be fun? Fuck yeah it was. Tugging the plastic bag over, he pulled a deck of well-used cards out of them before laying it down on the bed and pouring both of them a shot. "Which will it be?"
 
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