Poking during the planning stage?

[Priapulina]

So from what I gather, if someone doesn't respond to your first message, that's a rejection and you shouldn't bother them again. On the other hand, if someone goes a while without replying while the roleplay is ongoing, it's acceptable to poke them in order to ask whether or not they're still interested. But recently, I've had a lot of ideas just fizzle out in the planning stage. Like, I'll message someone or they'll message me, we'll be discussing how things would go, and then at a certain point, they'll just stop replying. And this seems like a gray area, neither a pitch that got rejected, nor an RP that's been quiet. There is, or was at some point, interest, but no commitment. So is it rude/creepy/weird to message someone and be like "hey, would you still want to do this or have you decided against it?" at this stage, or is it normal behavior?

 

[ImaginationGoneWild]

i'd poke them. Maybe something came up or they were busy?
If they don't reply after a day or two that's when I call it quits.

 

[Sophor]

Tbh I hate how people tend to accept being ignored as a rejection, that shit is rude and shouldn't be seen as a perfectly acceptable thing - and also on a less angry note, oftentimes people just checked the conversation, weren't able to reply that moment, and then forgot because checking in killed the notification. After a few days - especially if the person was otherwise active in the forum - it's acceptable to poke after your first unanswered message.

About the actual topic: There is no reason not to poke. 90% of our problems have their roots in poor communication and misunderstandings. Sure, a simple "poke" can be seen as annoying, heck, I am not a fan of receiving these myself at all, but that's mostly because I generally hate this kind of soulless minimalist in PMs.

How could anyone be mad or annoyed about a "Hey, you haven't replied for a few days and I got kinda worried. Are you still interested at all, or is there just too much stuff going on on your end?"
As usual, being nice and trying to draw a smile on people's faces solves most problems

 

[Jericho Z. Barrons]

I don't poke, I just move on. It is perfectly fine for folks to forget or get busy and anybody who does is not a bad person. I prefer 1. quicker paced long-term stories and 2. partners who will remember the rp. That's all.

I guess it comes from the fact that I don't have more than one rp on my plate at a time, so, I don't forget replies or messages. If you have so many stories that you lose track, then it's just not a good fit with me, personally.

But also...I hate poking and I hate being poked. I don't usually take very long to work on a reply, so, a poke someone would give to me is within 24 hours....and that is an irritating amount of impatience and insecurity to be confronted with. I need to be able to work on weaving this reply and be assured that you're okay and can entertain yourself for a day or so.

I loathe sending a poke message. It puts me in a very submissive and needy position to prompt someone or beg them for a post. Hopefully, we're on better communication terms OOC that I wouldn't need to ask if they were still interested. But I hate the sniveling, degrading way it makes me feel to inquire after their interest. So, I just don't. Two weeks of no writing will kill the rp for me; mentally, creatively, I have already moved on to the next craving and fantasy and lost touch with the characters we were writing. So, after about a week, I'd bump my RT and start looking again.

If it was still the planning stages and all of a sudden they stopped talking, I'd wait for three days and then move on. Planning is still fresh, still untilled ground, so, if they came back and explained the absence, I might jump right back from where we left off.

But if we were new partners, plotting and they simply stopped sending me messages, I would not dare send them a message. If they are dealing with stuff, I don't want to be that guy who needs to be reassured and comforted, another tax on their mind and energy levels while they're trying to handle real life stress. If they're no longer interested or simply forgot, we likely wouldn't be a good fit and I'll just look for someone who does fit me. No need for further conversation until they pick up the ball that is in their court.

 

[Cassandraks]

It really depends in me, it depends on how invested or not I was with who I was writing with and what we had so far. If I was getting excited for the story, then I will give about a week and give a little poke to see if they are still interested. If I don't get an answer then well I move on, put the idea back up and see who else I attract. If it was something I was meh with anyways, and not much had gone into the planning yet. Sometimes I will just write them off, and move on instead of poking deciding not to waste my time with someone who couldn't just give me a little heads up.

With that said, what does bother me a little bit is someone you poke and they don't get back to you for a while and then they just all of a sudden come back and get back into things without checking if you even want to bother anymore. That does bug me a bit.

 

[SaneOrder]

Yeah I'm much of the same opinion as you Priapulina on the initial ignore. But I've gone at quite a length in another topic on the ignoring point.

But as far as poking someone you have been actively rping with or discussing an rp with.
Oh yeah I see no reason not to do so, I've had the issue of rps vanishing in my inbox before, whether via email with long term partners or on sites via pms. Its a thing that happens, and they could just as easily be waiting on you to respond not realizing what's going on. But if they don't respond to the poke that's when you know the rp's over. And honestly, probably a good idea to just ignore them from now on as they obviously don't like you at that point.
The time frame I give depends. I usually give the normal respond time + a day for people I've been actively rping with.
As for during the planning, I just check to see if they've been online for a while or not, especially if they've bumped their request thread recently, usually within about 12 hours I'd say is a good time to poke someone if they're online if they were planning with you or time it about to when they had started replying the previous day. Gives enough time to work/sleep/what have you and then come online to start sorting their business.