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CoNfUsEd-KiDz
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2009
- Location
- USA | East Coast
DARKER SIDE OF
A LULLABY
A LULLABY
_____Her eyes were glued to the red exit sign hanging over the door. Now it was time for her exit. She was sitting on the table, papers and books scattered around her. In her hand was a shimmering metal tool. It belonged to her teacher, his class could be considered artsy, but not exactly. Though it was similar, and it had plenty of tools to help with her exit.
_____She grit her teeth together and held the small rectangular piece of metal between her thumb and first finger. She pressed the corner against her forearm, pressed down hard and shuddered feeling that cool metal slip below her skin. Oh yes, it was sharp, very sharp. Of course, it was a box cutter blade after all.
_____She winced her baby blues, hissing slightly as she traced over the scar already dug into her skin. This was the deepest the metal has ever been, and boy did it sting. She lifted the blade from her arm and stared at the line of blood. It was seeping upwards, past the seven layers of protective skin between her insides and the outside world. It was seeping a lot faster than it normally did. Maybe because she had gone so deep this time.
_____â??Maggie, Bridgettâ??s looking for-â?? The addressed girl turned slightly, glancing over her shoulder at the speaker. â??Whatâ??re you doing?â? She asked, concern in her tone as she rushed over. The blade was knocked from her fingers and Maggie opened her mouth to speak. She was cut off, â??Donâ??t be so stupid. Câ??mon, donâ??t off yourself,â? she muttered, taking the other girls wrist gently.
_____â??Why would I want to off myself?â? The bleeding girl whispered, placing her hand over the half traced X.
_____â??But y-â?
_____A shake of the head stopped her from going on. â??No. I donâ??t wanna off myselfâ?¦ Why would I? Where Iâ??d go I wouldnâ??t be able to see you,â? her words were mumbled by now, barely coherent, â??Itâ??d be stupid to give up such a thing.â?
_____â??Maggieâ?¦â? the girl addressed lowered her head, smiling slightly.
_____â??Everythingâ??s fine Lizz, you donâ??t have to stay.â? She tugged her wrist out of the otherâ??s grasp. â??You donâ??t have to see this.â? Her baby blue searched the ground for the blade. The X hadnâ??t been fully traced. It needed to be fully traced. It just had to, it wouldnâ??t feel right to leave it unfinished, like a tattoo half created, just the lines, no shadows and no colors.
_____â??Maggie,â? the name was whispered, and hesitantly baby blues met brown, almost black, eyes. â??Iâ??m staying.â?
_____Maggie bit her lip and leaned forward, into the otherâ??s arms as they folded around her. Maggie didnâ??t move to wrap her arms around too though, she did not want any blood on her dear friend. So she kept her bloody limbs to herself. â??You donâ??t have toâ?¦â? she mumbled.
_____â??I want to.â? The statement made Maggieâ??s heart race.
_____â??Thenâ?¦ Let me finishâ?¦â?
_____There was a long pause before a strangled, â??Okay.â?
_____Maggie found the blade on the table, on top of her papers, and brought it to her skin again. The tip burrowed under her skin, not as deep as before but still shredding though the layers as she dragged it backward.
_____She felt the girl move, she was moving away. Maggie frowned, dropping the blade and reaching out to her.
_____â??Iâ??ll be right back, Iâ??m going to snag some bandages and crap from he nurseâ??s office.â?
_____â??Itâ??s locked.â?
_____â??I can pick it,â? she said with a smirk.
_____â??Okayâ?¦ Come back.. pleaseâ?¦â?
_____â??I will, donâ??t worry,â? she murmured, rubbing the other girlâ??s upper arm slightly, trying too sooth her pain.
_____â??I always worryâ?¦ about just about everything.â?
_____â??Well, donâ??t worry â??bout me. â??Kay?â?
_____â??All right.â?
_____Lizz turned and left trying to give a reassuring smile. And thatâ??s when Maggie broke. She buried her fingers into her short brownish blond hair and shuddered, breaking into a fit of sobs. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she brought her legs up, pressing her face into her kneels, making herself almost like a ball.
_____Suddenly the door in front of her opened and a curly haired girl popped her head in. With a gasp she exclaimed, â??Maggie?!â?
_____The weeping girl tore her gaze up and wiped her eyes. â??J-Julie?â? she questioned, blinking to clear her haze.
_____â??Oh my god! What happened?!â? Maggie glanced down at her arm, which was covered completely with blood. It must have been smeared against her face too.
_____â??N-nothing,â? she mumbled, sliding off the top of the table, but stumbling and almost falling. Julie rushed into the room at this point, walking forward.
_____â??Youâ??re bleeding,â? she said sternly, reaching forward.
_____â??Donâ??t touch me touch me,â? she pleaded, leaning away from Julieâ??s touch.
_____â??Please let me help you..â?
_____â??I donâ??t want your help, I donâ??t need you,â? she whispered, new tears forming in her eyes.
_____"Maggieâ?¦â?
_____â??N-No,â? she said, walking to the other door, not wanting a confrontation.
_____â??Just tell me.. Did you do this to yourself?â?
_____She hesitated taking her next step, but kept walking anyway.
_____â??Did you d-â??
_____â??Yes Julie.â? She glanced over her shoulder, â??I did this to myself. Okay?â? She didnâ??t wait for an answer and sluggishly left the classroom. Just past the door she slammed into someone, and almost fell on her ass.
_____â??No, you shouldnâ??t be walking, câ??mon lets go into the bathroom and get bandages on your arm.â?
_____â??O-Okay,â? she mumbled, her friend taking her wrist and dragging her through the classroom. The bathroom was right there on the left. Liz takes Maggie into the bathroom and tugged her to the sinks. Maggie felt numb as her friend dipped her arm under the. The water spewed out automatically and mixed with blood.
_____Maggie stiffened when one of the toilets flushed and turned, facing the mirror. She watched for who it was and dropped her gaze when Julie came into view. She shut her eyes and listened to the second faucet spring to life. Lizz had stopped washing the water over Maggieâ??s arm, trying to cover it up, but Maggie muttered, â??Itâ??s fine.â?
_____â??Are you-â?
_____â??Itâ??s. Fine.â?
_____She waited for Julie to leave before she continued to wash the X, now with soap. It barely stung, already being numb. â??So um who was that?â?
_____Maggie shook her head. â??Doesnâ??t matterâ?¦â?
_____â??But-â?
_____â??Just a friend. Weâ??re not closeâ?¦ Sheâ??s seen it before, or Iâ??m pretty sure she had, but she did nothing. She obviously doesnâ??t care.â?
_____â??..And that hurts you.â?
_____â??Of course it does. Wouldnâ??t it hurt you?â?
_____She paused for a moment, â??Well, I guess it would. If I knew her and all, or liked her.â? She glanced up, raising an eyebrow.
_____Maggie turned away, â??I donâ??t like her anymore.â?
_____â??But you used to.â?
_____â??Yeah but it doesnâ??t matter, I moved on.â?
_____â??Right.â? Lizz smiled, pulling Maggieâ??s arm out from the sink. She turned to leave and Maggie reached out, grappling onto her jacketâ??s sleeve. â??Relax, Iâ??m getting toilet paper to dry your arm.â?
_____Maggie gave a sigh of relief and smiled slightly, letting the fabric fall free from her fingers. She watched her friend disappear, and though Maggie knew she was still there, she felt a sense of loneliness wash over her.
_____Once that dark-haired beauty rounded the corner again there was a feeling of worth taking over that loneliness. Someone cared about her, she wasnâ??t worthless after all.
_____Lizz padded Maggieâ??s wet skin with the toilet paper until it was dry enough to apply the bandage.
_____~`~`~`X
_____Maggie touched the white wrap and put her hand around it â??Thank you.. for caring and allâ?¦â?
_____Donâ??t make it seem like caring is so bad okay? Youâ??re my friend, we may not be super tight, but weâ??re still friends. And plus, weâ??ve talked about this crap before.â?
_____The memories caused a smile to tug at her lips, the topic wasnâ??t a good topic, but being able to talk alone with her about something so serious made her happy inside. â??Yeah, I know. And you cared when it was just a scarâ?
_____â??Unlike-â?
_____â??Yeah, unlike her. But you both still tried to help when I slashed it open again.â?
_____â??She-â?
_____â??Popped her head into the room, I think she heard someone, me, crying when she was headed to the bathroom.â?
_____â??You were crying?â? she asked, touching her arm softly.
_____â??Yeah, itâ??s another way of release. It helps. But, umm, so yeah, she tried to help butâ?¦ I didnâ??t want her to so I freaked out and ran, well, right into you actually.â?
_____â??And then she was in the bathroom when we went in.â?
_____â??Yeah.â?
_____â??Youâ??re still hurting arenâ??t you?â?
_____She shrugged, â??It stings a little but-â?
_____â??I mean about her.â?
_____â??No,â? she said quietly, her cheeks heating ever so slightly. â??I liked her, and she found out. Completely rejected me, because sheâ??s totally straight. I forced myself to lose interest in her and wound up becoming interested in someone else. But yeah, I guess I am still hurting in a way. I mean, I carved a symbol into my body as a way to relieve all the drama I felt at that point, some of the drama just happened to include her. Itâ??s not like she knows that though. But it still hurts because I have convinced myself she sat it that one day in choir and hadnâ??t said anything, but it hurts less that she cared when she saw me actually bleeding out anâ?? all..â?
_____â??I cared both times,â? Lizz said quietly. â??I cared so much that I showed and told you things that most people donâ??t know about me.â?
_____â??I know..â? she smiled and grabbed the younger girl in her arms. â??I never thought youâ??d be one of the people comforting me at a time like this.â?
_____â??Yeah, haha, I saw you bleeding and the pain in your eyes and just kinda went into action without thinking all that much.â?
_____â??Thanks it means so much,â? she murmured, pulling away slightly to look into her deep brown eyes. Then in the distance school bells rang. â??Why are the bells going off? Itâ??s after school..â?
_____Her smiling friend said, â??Maggie, get to class,â? and tapped her in the forehead. The girl shut her eyes, tipping back slightly and then jerking forward.
_____Blinking she watched her Graphic Communications class file out of the door she thought she had seen a curly-haired girl peek through not too long ago.
_____â??Mag, you fell asleep,â? she looked to the right and saw her teacher chuckling quietly, a teacher whose blade she had been sure she had used to carve an X in her arm with.
_____â??Oh,â? she mumbled, rubbing her head. She packed away her things into her bad and hoisted it onto her shoulder. She left the room with a shudder.
_____That daydream had been too real. Her forearm even itched, or rather burned lightly, where the scar of a fading X had been etched several times into the pale skin.