I am bored and my boyfriend is working. My role-play partner is sick and I’m not really interested in anything that is being offered but I want to write. So why not write about something I know? Myself, my life, my wonderful boyfriend.
My nickname is Z. I am 24 years old. I work as a props manager at a TV production agency in Atlanta. I have a degree in communication with a minor in TV production. I just got this job a couple of months ago and I am so in love with it. I am glad to finally have something that pertains to my degree. It is seriously the best thing ever. I hated my previous job, so this was truly a breath of fresh air. My favorite hobby is pole dancing.
I have been doing this for…like fourteen months now. It has been the best experience of my life. I used to, and still, occasionally, feel awkward and clumsy and not appealing. My friend bought me a class because she didn’t want to go alone. I didn’t like it right away because I just saw this weird looking figure in the mirror when I watched myself. We went again and again and slowly the confidence started building. It is all about the teacher for the first few classes. You have to find someone who uplifts you and guides you into being the best you can be (cheesy, but true). And of course, my first few lessons were awkward and messy I was doing something new. But I stuck with it and I got that confidence. I learned how to move my body. I didn’t know how to walk in heels. My first pair of heels was a 6-inch pleasers, and when I put those things on I strut my stuff until I almost twisted my ankle! I was having fun. I felt good and I started to feel confident in myself and my body.
I was a weird looking kid. I had buck teeth, pimples, and greasy hair. I wore clothes that didn’t fit my body because I didn’t know how to dress. I didn’t wear makeup. I was picked on mercilessly through high school. I truly felt like an ugly duckling. It didn’t help going to DoD schools, kids are kids and they are mean wherever you go. It didn’t help that I was a very late bloomer. I think it was my senior year in high school when I felt pretty for the first time. My mom went all out for prom since she didn’t go to hers, she didn’t want me to miss out. I had a beautiful dress, the makeup, she got my hair done. I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror but I was in awe by the girl I saw. The day after prom I went back to being the weird kid with buck teeth and bad fashion.
While I was in college, I lived at home. Tuition was covered by a mix of the GI Bill and FASFA, so I did what I thought was the smartest thing in the world, I got braces! But not any kind, Invisalign braces because I was weird enough and I didn’t want metal teeth. I had to wear the trays for a little over a year and boom my teeth were perfect. I would hide my smile before but once I could stop wearing my Invisalign, I was all teeth all the time. My face cleared over time, thank god puberty doesn’t last forever. And I got fashionable friends who took me out and taught me how to dress my body. Those were steps to making me feel confident and they did work but pole dancing helped make it all real.
Pole-dancing taught me how to walk in heels and walk tall when I enter a room. It taught me how to be in control of my body no matter what I am doing. It has done wonders for my body and my boyfriend doesn’t mind it either.
My wonderful boyfriend’s name is Dennis. He is an International Law Lawyer for a company here in Atlanta. He is a little older than I am at 42. We met through a mutual friend of mine. She was dating his best friend. I wanted to hang out with her, but she wanted to bring him along and he brought Dennis. Here we are about a year and a few months later in a very happy relationship and sort of living together. I stay with him on the weekends and most weekdays I live in my apartment. We talk almost every day. Sometimes when he doesn’t want to drive him he will come to my place and stay with me.
It was weird at first dating someone older than I am. When we met, he was forty and I had just turned 22. I never found guys my age attractive. I didn’t really date growing up, but I knew from watching people around me that I never wanted to date someone my age. When I had a crush, it was always on a teacher or one of my dad’s friends or someone completely unobtainable. I saw how guys my age acted and I was completely turned off by the entire idea. When I met Dennis and started to really like Dennis, I was nervous because he is only a couple years younger than my dad and my father would flip his shit if he found out. After a couple more dates, I didn’t care what anyone else thought. Dennis makes me so happy and I make him happy and that’s all that matters. We aren’t hurting anyone. We are just enjoying life together.
He does have a son that is a couple of years older than I am. I have met his son and we are cool with each other. It was awkward at first. We went for a walk and I answered all the questions he wanted me to answer. I can’t say he accepted me but he accepted that I am a part of his dad’s life for now.
I know what his reservations are. His father makes a lot of money and he doesn’t want me to marry him or date him for money. I don’t date Dennis for money. I have my own career and I have a viable back up if I ever really needed money like that. When we did our love languages, his number one was gifts. He loves to receive gifts and give gifts. Mine is quality time, I just want to spend time with him, hold him love him and kiss him. Which is funny because that is like his last love language. Which is why I am writing this and not in his office right now.
The first time I called Dennis Daddy….we were cooking together and he needed a spice from the rack. He always calls me some sort of pet name. Usually, it is Baby. When I said it it was in response to him saying, ‘ go get (whatever the spice was), Baby.’ And I said Okay daddy. It was a complete slip of the tongue but it was out there and I couldn’t take it back. I got the spice and we cooked and he didn’t say anything about it until we sat down to eat and he said he liked it when I called him Daddy. We had this whole conversation about why it made him feel good and if I was uncomfortable and all this other stuff. We came to the agreement that when we are alone together, I will call him Daddy. People outside may not understand. Like our friends and his son. And strangers on the street. It is our secret I love it.
Back to our love languages because that is a funny story. Dennis’ number one love language is gifting. He likes to receive gifts, but his main love is giving gifts. His favorite holiday is Christmas, he goes all out. It is super adorable. This year he did an advent calendar where every day I had a new small gift to open leading up to Christmas. I was really afraid he was going to propose. No ring on the 25th day, thank god. He gives gifts all the time though. Usually, it is in the form of something he knows I need.
The first gift he ever surprised me with was a pair of the ugliest white fuzzy socks that I have ever seen and have a cat’s face embroidered on them. They are hideous. But he put them in a box and gave them to me the first time I visited his house. His exact words were ‘You said you hated being cold and my house gets pretty cold so I got you these. Do you like them?’
His house was freezing, so he was right and they did come in handy that night. But I looked at the socks and looked at him and laughed. I told him I appreciated the gesture and tried to lie and say I loved them. He saw right through that and I had to tell him I was allergic to cats and I hate cats, but I did appreciate the socks. I put them on and he gave me a tour of his house, the socks start to shed all over his beautiful clean house! I am leaving white material all over his rugs and carpets. And he’s like, ‘Those socks were a bad idea. Stay here.’ And then he went upstairs and got me a pair of his gold toe socks and almost throughout the cat socks but after that, I had to keep them. I know they are in my drawer somewhere. He doesn’t know it but they are my favorite pair of socks. That might be the night, I knew this was meant to last.
That is the beauty of his mind though. They aren’t always the best gifts but they are always thoughtful. And to make up for what he calls the bad gifts, for our one year anniversary, he put his card on my top three favorite websites (Express, Sephora and PoleActive) so when I treat myself, it is always on Daddy.
I am about to catch a flight home in an hour and a half. I have time to reflect on my time in New York and all the people I met. It was an amazing time at Pride. I didn’t know it was going on this weekend, I thought it passed already but to here surrounded by people who are so loving and accepting of each other was wonderful. We have a long way to go in LGBT+ rights (even women’s rights in ATL, unfortunately). Wearing a shirt and going to parade might not seem like much it shows support for those who have to face the discrimination. More attention and awareness needs to be brought to all of the black trans women who were murdered whose deaths will go unsolved.
I think everyone should go to a Pride Parade or March or whatever because it is so much fun! I saw so many wonderful Queens and unknown designers and celebrities.
I matched Versace’s team with my shirt and if I wasn’t afraid of being tackled I would have hopped on the platform and taken Donatella’s boots!
It’s been three weeks since I broke my pinky finger with a car door. That’s what I get for not paying attention. And being slightly tipsy. I don’t even remember what I was talking about. That’s how I know it wasn’t important.
I’m itching to get back in the gym. Dennis, in all wisdom, told me not to do anything too vigorous or I might do more damage and be out of the gym even longer. Tomorrow I will attempt to do everything I know with my left hand or no hands. (Ha!) I don’t have high expectations. When I feed ejected because that doesn’t work then I’ll get on a bike and ride until I can’t feel my legs. God damn this sucks!
I have been watching a lot of old videos but this one is by far my favorite. I look so graceful until I try to land. If I was in pleasers my legs would be straighter but I’m pretty happy with how this combination turned out.
What in the furry loving fuck did they do to Cats?! Why do they have human noses. I thought it was fake and then I saw the real trailer and their literally superimposed their faces onto CGI realistic bodies. I don’t know what I expected when the stage show is literally people in unitards acting like a cat. I want to give it a chance so bad but my god. They look creepy.
The only thing about the trailer that gave me goosebumps is Jennifer Hudson singing Misery. Absolutely stunning. But of course she was going to kill it. She’s Jennifer Hudson!!!