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Left hanging

LandonKole

LandonKole

Meteorite
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Do people here get into the situation where you’re talking to someone in PM about a potential RP, then have the conversation just end? No response from your last PM. I understand that sometimes you just don’t click, or hold the same interests, but a simple “no thanks” would be appreciated.

Maybe it’s just me...
 
No, I feel we all get that, and it's always annoying.

Sometimes I feel this is because of the classic gender imbalance here, but take all of this with a huge grain of salt, after all I only se eone side of the whole thing. But it makes sense, I imagine the ladies easily drowsing under messages from eager guys, even when they don't put much effort into their request posts (something I luckily only occasionally see). It makes sense that you can't rp with 20 guys so you pick what's best. It also makes sense that it's no fun telling someone "Hey, sorry, but I found someone better", so the cowardly way out of just becoming a ghost is tempting.

But in many cases people will just have forgotten over a stressful day, so it never hurts to just bump the PM after a few days before getting grumpy about 'gotten ghosted'
 
LandonKole said:
Do people here get into the situation where you’re talking to someone in PM about a potential RP, then have the conversation just end? No response from your last PM. I understand that sometimes you just don’t click, or hold the same interests, but a simple “no thanks” would be appreciated.

Maybe it’s just me...
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I hope this isn't in reference to me? I just sort of thought people could bounce on and off this site for roleplays. If we were in a pm, then I apologize....I thought we were just posting when we could.
 
Jessica4HotRP said:
I hope this isn't in reference to me? I just sort of thought people could bounce on and off this site for roleplays. If we were in a pm, then I apologize....I thought we were just posting when we could.
Click to expand...
Not a reference to you at all! I was speaking of past PMs where many days had gone by. Sorry to make you think it was you.
 
There have been several times I've gone through the process of planning an RP with someone, only to get to the stage of them saying "great. I'll write up a starter!" A week later, I hear nothing and no answer to PMs.

Its definitely not a significant percentage, but it does happen
 
Having done this for years, I can say that it is a fact of life. Expectations are not met, neither had the same idea of what was going to happen or what it would look like, one person just wrote one "wrong thing" too many times, sometimes someone just imagined the other person would write something different or in a different style.
Many think it is just easier to not engage in the follow-up conversation, or to continue, than to have a confrontation over it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
I wrote about this in my ad post, but there's a phenomenon called pre-playing that explains this. I first ran into this notion a long while back in reference to tabletop RPGs, wherein you'd have a type of player who just delighted in writing reams of backstory for their character. Like huge piles of background adventures that would be more than enough to fill an RPG campaign or three on their own. And then they sit down at the table and they make it to maybe a few sessions before they drop out of the game.

The whole notion is that this type of player enjoys the process of imagining role playing more than they do the role playing itself. There can be a lot of reasons for it; a big one in tabletop games is that they've been let down by crappy GMs so often that they just sort of function as their own GM in their epic awesome backstory.

There's probably nothing to be done for it; it's just one of those hazards that comes with the territory.
 
I got a couple of anecdotes about that very same thing.

Whenever I read very, very expansive plots and stories in a thread, I feel like I am reading a story that has already been done rather than one that is waiting to be made. And before I decided to not engage in those kind of RP-premises, I found that those players pitching that were the most incessantly demanding people on how the RP should turn out. I can absolutely understand that when two people discuss an idea and create a premise and a story that both people shouldn't throw in some curve balls, but it was to the point of being pedantic and obsessive most of the time.

So here I am, going for character-based pairings more than intricate storylines and do not write very, very complicated and strictly outline backgrounds for my RP's :')

And on a side-note, whenever I GM; I insist that players realize they are playing as characters beginning their adventures that will grow into heroes, not heroes starting out. Makes things more interesting, but bla bla bla, helps people playing characters that grow into their role and personality.

This guy has a good video on it.

Anyway, back on topic.

It's easy with a kind of anonymity to disengage from potentially awkward conversations that might lead to nothing, than just dropping an RP that they perceive as being a lost cause. But sometimes people don't reply for a long time, then feel silly or guilty picking it up after a long hiatus and just don't touch it out of fear of annoying someone that they insulted by dropping an RP they had with in the past.
 
Absolutely. Two people approached me for possible roleplays. They had a plot, I helped add in ideas as I don't like to just be like, "Okay. Yeah. That's fine." then complete radio silence. There's also the not even bothering to read a pm bit either. I look at it this way either we write together or not, no big deal. If I'm not interested I'll say so. I see no point in beating around the bush being fearful of anything.
 
I have a couple of thoughts on this:
  • First, ghosting sucks, everyone gets ghosted regardless of gender. It's just a thing that happens, best to try not to take it personally.
  • I do my best to say 'no thanks' when I've decided not to RP with someone, but sometimes you just forget. If lots of people respond to you, you can honestly just lose track.
  • Sometimes people react badly to being told 'no thanks,' even if told politely, and even if they've previously claimed that they'd be fine with a simple 'no thanks.' People get pushy, demand explanations, become rude or passive aggressive. Absolutely no one is obligated to put up with that, nor carry on a conversation for one second longer than they wish. So sometimes, it makes sense to just stop talking if your instincts tell you that this is where the conversation could head.
 
I think some people have have a hang-up on relatively short answers in an idea-hashing session. "Okay, fine", can sound like a resignation to one's own idea if delivered at the wrong moment. Just food for thought, I know because I've been there myself. A few paragraphs worth of idea talking, and I get one line back when usually there's been several sentences.

Some are put-off by that, or assigned attitudes that don't exist. It's entirely their own fault for assuming the worst, but it happens.

Kind of the entire reason why the smiley face was invented.
 
From the replies, it seems I'm not alone. Thanks for the tips and stories, it's great to hear how other writers' experiences are on this board.

Shiver, I agree wholeheartedly that no one should have to put up with rude or aggressive behavior, and although I'm disappointed when told "no thanks" or ghosted, I've never gone down that route.

And I've never quite understood the posts with requests having very detailed plotline, character definition, and outcome scenes. If it's that scripted already, the story has already been written, so what's the point of the RP?
 
I'd say 99.99% of the people ive talked to here do it. Sometimes it starts but they all day. Been like that for the last, 9 years or so.

This is why i almost Never ask anyone. I just bump.
 
I just take it as a part of life, it happens, sometimes people get busy or something happens and they aren't on top of things here as you. No need to take it personal, its not always you and it could just be this is a lower priority in hobby for you than someone else. I understand how easy it is to get wrapped up in a story and then it falls flat, that sucks and its a bitter feeling. I've learned to let go more, there were quite a few ideas and discussions I had long ago that went nowhere. A few I got a bit miffed about and a few others I just let go and found other partners.

At times I have let things slip as well, so its not always the other person.

Like anything it takes time to get a few good partners and rps going, but when it goes well its worth the effort.
 
I remember once in discord talking to a gal I met on here; we intensely plotted the RP, we really got into it. Sometimes those creative juices at the beginning are funner than the actual RP.

Then when it was time for her to start ... I got ... nothing ...

I asked twice what happened ... silence ...

So, I had to just let it go ...
 
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