Partner Poking Courtesy

Hi there! Been here a while and I am surprised this has never come up as something I'd have to ask in that time. I just have never had so many partners disappear on me at once, I guess. This is gonna be short, but, given that nothing about it is on their respective request thread and they haven't given you a time line for their return, what is typically considered good courtesy/etiquette when poking a partner?

For more detailed responses to the question, what is typically in good taste for the content of said poke? Should I ask about their interest in the roleplay? What language should I use to avoid sounding annoying? Should the message be on the shorter side or (somehow) be on the longer side? What is considered a good gap between multiple pokes without responses?

I hope to get answers to as many of these questions as possible, heh.

Here's a thread archiving a bunch of stuff people have said about this topic: Partners abandoning your roleplays: you are not alone!

Generally it is different for everyone. Depending on how close you are to your partners, a week without any contact might be a good rule of thumb. Also review any old messages to see if they've told you about upcoming absences and you just forgot. I personally do that sometimes; my partner tells me they'll be absent a certain day and I completely forget, going to message them when I haven't heard from them in 3 days. >,< It can be a little annoying if they told you already only to be asked again, you know?

Try and keep things polite, casual, and funny, if possible. If you read that thread I linked, some people dont like to be contacted at all, or a message demanding a response from them can make them feel like they dont want to write anymore. Theres a bunch of reasons they could be absent and you have to be open to the possibility that they just dont want to rp anymore. Sometimes that happens and it kind of sucks but theres not a whole lot we can do to encourage people to be more courteous to their partners, you know?

Generally, if I were to send an inquiry, it'd be along these lines:
"Hey, how's it going? I havent heard from you for a while and I just wanted to check up with you."

Thats it. If you want to ask about the roleplay and interest right away go ahead but generally, asking "are you still interested?" Implies that they're neglecting you and comes off as accusatory. It can even be a bit of a faux pa if they were in the middle of writing a post and can seem a little desperate. I usually save that for the second message between us if they don't bring it up first. Usually if you message them and ask how they are, they're going to know already that you want to know about the Rp and they'll tell you their plans and timeline for posting.

If you dont get a response to that at all, do not send another. They could have read it or they may not. Most times if you dont get a response to the first poke it indicates a lack of interest. Even still, keep an eye out in case they post in a journal about their absence. Sometimes people come back and make a journal entry asking for previous partners who are still interested to message them.

(Sorry for errors; on my phone)

Welp, this is the second (?) time that you specifically have helped me out with something, Quin. I seriously appreciate it.

The roleplay in question hasn't had a post in two weeks, and that last post was mine. I'm glad that I now know asking about interest right off the bat might come across as desperate, despite non-desperation being a thing I claim a lot of the time. However, the partner has told me about the fact that their work schedule is...well, hectic would be an understatement, if I recall correctly. I will be sure to scour my previous messages between us and make sure a specific time wasn't told about, though my memory now seems to think that wasn't brought up at all, just the busy work environment

Good to know my polite nature is a good thing here. xD It is in most situations, but sometimes...I dunno. It just helps a lot of the time. Go figure.

I hope to get this settled ASAP, but again, I appreciate the help for the second time, Quin. It's appreciated.

Not a problem! I'm happy to help. I've been here for a long time and been doing this for a while. I know the type of messages NOT to send if you don't want to get your head bitten off. XD

Hm, 2 weeks for the role-play? I generally take a median between the two, last post and last message from my partner. Because if they're still talking to you, that presents a bit of a different story, you know? Sometimes we can make friends deeper than an rp but generally, the rp is what the friendship is about. If they haven't posted in 2 weeks but their last message to you was 3-4 days ago, then I'd send a message asking how they are doing. I've had people ask me if I am still interested in an rp when we just got done chatting and I'm like, "Listen, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't. "

Yeah, the busy work thing is different. I'm talking about specific dates or a schedule they might have mentioned(I'm not going to be here until next weekend because I've got to visit my parents/I've got a big project at work due) because a busy work week can mean anything, especially if they've handled it pretty well up to this point. So, yeah, just checking because that's happened to me before. When you have a lot of partners or stuff going on in your own life, when they tell you about something, sometimes you forget to mark your calendar. ^^;

Anyway, I hope it works out! Good luck and don't get discouraged. Sometimes partners come back after an absence and will want to play again. If not, there's always more partners out there. :rose:

Haha, thanks again, Rudolph. I appreciate all of this. Unfortunately, the specific partner has their PMs disabled, so no check up message could be sent even if they wanted to. I'm gonna take that as a sign to back off until they are enabled again haha.

Again, all this help is much appreciated!

I just lose track of things. x.x ahaha... ^^; sorry about that D: