- Joined
- Aug 14, 2009
That or they go friend shopping at the suicide hotline.
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Kiko's journal, enter at your own risk
- Thread starter Kikora
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Another bit of angsty past... :S Just unloading again.
I promise at some point I'll unload good, happy news on ya'll.
More and more I want to start a career writing, I want to go to college for it and actually learn how to communicate my thoughts effectively. I want to share my experiences, as well as weave stories to captivate an audience. I start writing about my experiences every few months, I title it, I plan it out, I think about it... But when I begin to write I get scared, doubtful, and end up quiting.
Part of this is I am still horribly afraid of my mothers words. Ridiculous, isn't it? I remember when I was sixteen, after the police were involved in our lives yet again, my mother decided on a cruel punishment to ensure I would learn my lesson. She decided I should have a room. The shelter I went into to escape my family, it already had a broken door that would not stay shut, but that was not enough. She moved just my mattress into the "Glass room".
The glass room was a room that was added onto the home by the previous owner, and I am not sure how it managed to pass an inspection! The wires were not grounded, so there was a free running current through the entire room. Particularly, a hanging lamp that if you placed a hand on it you could -feel- the current. Not a quick pop of static charge, but a long and continuous flow of electricity coursing through it. ((A very odd experience.))
Not only was this room frightening because of the electric charge, it didn't have a working door either! It was named the glass room because it had a sliding glass door, and the track for it was broken. As often as not it would get stuck, and refuse to budge. Even when the door DID manage to close, it was ten feet of glass, and the so-called curtains shielded nothing from the eyes.
Further still.... It was where we kept the dogs at night, in their kennels. Five whiny, barking dogs who would tear the entire room apart when they were let in. They would track mud and dirt everywhere, including all over my mattress ((Not a bed, just a mattress)) and blanket before I managed to get them in their cages. Worst than that, they all had flees. I'd sleep on the mattress, sneaking over to turn on the heater at night, since the room add-on had one of its own. Come morning I'd turn it off again, and make sure my parents didn't know it was on.
And, I wrote about it all in a journal I kept. I explained how awful it was to have to have to stay in there, especially since I was trying to keep myself from being violated by my brother! ((Is there a worst punishment on Earth for someone who is being sexually assaulted?! Whether you believe them or not... Excessive.)) It was awful to have to sleep in grime and wake up smelling like the dogs, itchy and miserable. It was awful to have to change in a corner hoping that I was hidden from the view from the door. It was awful that the bathroom door was broken so I couldn't even feel safe taking a shower in the morning! Standing with one foot holding the door shut while I tried to clean myself with soap, a washcloth, and the sink. Going to school and having to endure the mocking of teenagers who believed I was a slob who didn't care to keep clean, and would actively try to see if they could break me down into tears, which they sometimes did. It was not as if I had chosen to live like that.
So, I unloaded everything in my journal, which I kept in my backpack. I described in detail how I felt and why the actions were wrong, and incredibly stupid. My mother found it. The first thing she did was call up a relative to laugh about it, while I stood in the corner. "Flees? Can you believe she said that?! It's winter!" "Can't take a shower? HA! Doug hasn't done shit to her, she's just a greedy little attention whore who will do anything to be in the spotlight." Whenever I'd try to protest she'd grab a computer wire from off the desk, and lash me with it until I had my face buried in the corner, my hands over my head. Then she'd go back to the phone. "No, I had to pop her to keep her quiet. All that noise? She's just being overly dramatic, she knows you're on the line and is acting like she's dying."
After that... I never really wrote about the experiences, not in detail again. I keep thinking... What if she reads it? If it was ever published she'd go to the magazines, pointing out my every flaw, defacing me, making light of everything that makes my stomach twist to remember. I know she would.
I promise at some point I'll unload good, happy news on ya'll.
More and more I want to start a career writing, I want to go to college for it and actually learn how to communicate my thoughts effectively. I want to share my experiences, as well as weave stories to captivate an audience. I start writing about my experiences every few months, I title it, I plan it out, I think about it... But when I begin to write I get scared, doubtful, and end up quiting.
Part of this is I am still horribly afraid of my mothers words. Ridiculous, isn't it? I remember when I was sixteen, after the police were involved in our lives yet again, my mother decided on a cruel punishment to ensure I would learn my lesson. She decided I should have a room. The shelter I went into to escape my family, it already had a broken door that would not stay shut, but that was not enough. She moved just my mattress into the "Glass room".
The glass room was a room that was added onto the home by the previous owner, and I am not sure how it managed to pass an inspection! The wires were not grounded, so there was a free running current through the entire room. Particularly, a hanging lamp that if you placed a hand on it you could -feel- the current. Not a quick pop of static charge, but a long and continuous flow of electricity coursing through it. ((A very odd experience.))
Not only was this room frightening because of the electric charge, it didn't have a working door either! It was named the glass room because it had a sliding glass door, and the track for it was broken. As often as not it would get stuck, and refuse to budge. Even when the door DID manage to close, it was ten feet of glass, and the so-called curtains shielded nothing from the eyes.
Further still.... It was where we kept the dogs at night, in their kennels. Five whiny, barking dogs who would tear the entire room apart when they were let in. They would track mud and dirt everywhere, including all over my mattress ((Not a bed, just a mattress)) and blanket before I managed to get them in their cages. Worst than that, they all had flees. I'd sleep on the mattress, sneaking over to turn on the heater at night, since the room add-on had one of its own. Come morning I'd turn it off again, and make sure my parents didn't know it was on.
And, I wrote about it all in a journal I kept. I explained how awful it was to have to have to stay in there, especially since I was trying to keep myself from being violated by my brother! ((Is there a worst punishment on Earth for someone who is being sexually assaulted?! Whether you believe them or not... Excessive.)) It was awful to have to sleep in grime and wake up smelling like the dogs, itchy and miserable. It was awful to have to change in a corner hoping that I was hidden from the view from the door. It was awful that the bathroom door was broken so I couldn't even feel safe taking a shower in the morning! Standing with one foot holding the door shut while I tried to clean myself with soap, a washcloth, and the sink. Going to school and having to endure the mocking of teenagers who believed I was a slob who didn't care to keep clean, and would actively try to see if they could break me down into tears, which they sometimes did. It was not as if I had chosen to live like that.
So, I unloaded everything in my journal, which I kept in my backpack. I described in detail how I felt and why the actions were wrong, and incredibly stupid. My mother found it. The first thing she did was call up a relative to laugh about it, while I stood in the corner. "Flees? Can you believe she said that?! It's winter!" "Can't take a shower? HA! Doug hasn't done shit to her, she's just a greedy little attention whore who will do anything to be in the spotlight." Whenever I'd try to protest she'd grab a computer wire from off the desk, and lash me with it until I had my face buried in the corner, my hands over my head. Then she'd go back to the phone. "No, I had to pop her to keep her quiet. All that noise? She's just being overly dramatic, she knows you're on the line and is acting like she's dying."
After that... I never really wrote about the experiences, not in detail again. I keep thinking... What if she reads it? If it was ever published she'd go to the magazines, pointing out my every flaw, defacing me, making light of everything that makes my stomach twist to remember. I know she would.
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
A few short stories from my current life! =D
I bought lollipops yesterday to help with my sore throat, and all day I have been trying to make sure Rose either has one or none. Now she is tired and on the chair half asleep. She pulled a blanket half over herself, and I turn to smile at her. She slowly reaches out, takes the lollipop, and tucks it away under the blanket so I wont take it from her. I watch still, and every now and then shell duck her head, and steal a suck before crashing once more.
Rose is not much of a talker yet, but boy does she ever catch on to concepts! At my in-laws she has a toy kitchen ((Blink with me, please.)) that she likes to play in. She'll have plastic dishes and leave them in the sink while she plays with something else, and she'll go back to look at the fake work, and return to playing until finally she gets to "Washing" and putting away the plastic in the drawers. She'll stand on her tiptoes to jam it all in, and close the doors quickly, warning the drawers not to open. When she takes her hands away the dishes spill out, and she slams the doors closed once more frowning. Why? Because that's what her mommy does. =D
Sometimes, I just like to playfight, it's fun! When my husband and I first met we would fight in the living room, the object of the game to see who could get the other on the couch first. I lost in two minutes on round one, ad didn't get any better. He never hit me, not once. I pounded at his chest, growling and claiming how I would win, and he's just laugh, and stand there. Eventually he'd grab my wrists, and force me back, tripping me so I land on the couch, and he'd kiss me to declare his victory. We fought again and again until I passed out on the couch exhausted, and he stood and laughed, barely winded.
I always lose standing battles, no matter what the game. Tickling matches I can win. My husband is terribly ticklish, and some nights we'll stay up for two or three hours in a tickling match. We end up slightly sore, exhausted, and grinning like fools.
Sometimes I try to tickle David to make him feel better, but I have learned my aim is TERRIBLE. One night I rolled over to get at his neck, knowing a few sucks there would make him start giggling. I reached a crook, and gave a long lick, but it wasn't his neck. I tasted hair, and something too horrible for me to name... Deodorant. I sat up and sputtered, trying to scrub the taste off while the back of my hand while my husband died, choking on his own laughter while I tried to clean my mouth.
Now anytime he wants to tease me he'll stick his tongue out and swat at it as if cleaning it, going. "AHHHHRRRRRRHHHHHHRRRRRRHHHHHH!!!!!" DX and I'll hit him.
Stories will be edited tomorrow, tonight I am going to die. ((A bonus story how my grandmother freaked out when I told her that. She didn't get the link between 'sleeping like the dead' and the shortened 'dead' and thought I was going to kill myself.))
I bought lollipops yesterday to help with my sore throat, and all day I have been trying to make sure Rose either has one or none. Now she is tired and on the chair half asleep. She pulled a blanket half over herself, and I turn to smile at her. She slowly reaches out, takes the lollipop, and tucks it away under the blanket so I wont take it from her. I watch still, and every now and then shell duck her head, and steal a suck before crashing once more.
Rose is not much of a talker yet, but boy does she ever catch on to concepts! At my in-laws she has a toy kitchen ((Blink with me, please.)) that she likes to play in. She'll have plastic dishes and leave them in the sink while she plays with something else, and she'll go back to look at the fake work, and return to playing until finally she gets to "Washing" and putting away the plastic in the drawers. She'll stand on her tiptoes to jam it all in, and close the doors quickly, warning the drawers not to open. When she takes her hands away the dishes spill out, and she slams the doors closed once more frowning. Why? Because that's what her mommy does. =D
Sometimes, I just like to playfight, it's fun! When my husband and I first met we would fight in the living room, the object of the game to see who could get the other on the couch first. I lost in two minutes on round one, ad didn't get any better. He never hit me, not once. I pounded at his chest, growling and claiming how I would win, and he's just laugh, and stand there. Eventually he'd grab my wrists, and force me back, tripping me so I land on the couch, and he'd kiss me to declare his victory. We fought again and again until I passed out on the couch exhausted, and he stood and laughed, barely winded.
I always lose standing battles, no matter what the game. Tickling matches I can win. My husband is terribly ticklish, and some nights we'll stay up for two or three hours in a tickling match. We end up slightly sore, exhausted, and grinning like fools.
Sometimes I try to tickle David to make him feel better, but I have learned my aim is TERRIBLE. One night I rolled over to get at his neck, knowing a few sucks there would make him start giggling. I reached a crook, and gave a long lick, but it wasn't his neck. I tasted hair, and something too horrible for me to name... Deodorant. I sat up and sputtered, trying to scrub the taste off while the back of my hand while my husband died, choking on his own laughter while I tried to clean my mouth.
Now anytime he wants to tease me he'll stick his tongue out and swat at it as if cleaning it, going. "AHHHHRRRRRRHHHHHHRRRRRRHHHHHH!!!!!" DX and I'll hit him.
Stories will be edited tomorrow, tonight I am going to die. ((A bonus story how my grandmother freaked out when I told her that. She didn't get the link between 'sleeping like the dead' and the shortened 'dead' and thought I was going to kill myself.))
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Sometimes when I am reading an article I am forced to go WTF, and wonder if I am missing something, or if the writer made no sense. XD Here's an example.
Actresses who were once young and vibrant and adorable undergo grotesque surgeries to defy the natural process of senescence and end up with strange facsimiles of their former faces. (Meg Ryan's mouth and Lara Flynn Boyle's mouth should go bowling at an alley that allows weird-looking mouths to bowl at discount prices.)
....
Burn....? Maybe?
Am I missing something?
Actresses who were once young and vibrant and adorable undergo grotesque surgeries to defy the natural process of senescence and end up with strange facsimiles of their former faces. (Meg Ryan's mouth and Lara Flynn Boyle's mouth should go bowling at an alley that allows weird-looking mouths to bowl at discount prices.)
....
Burn....? Maybe?
Am I missing something?
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Because of allergies or a cold or something, I am not posting as regularly as I'd like to. Some RPs I get my inspiration on, others I don't... This does not mean anyone is a bad RPer though, just that I am sick and my muse is a bitch. XD
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
I... Am going to hell. XD
Logged onto my facebook for once and saw a new photo my mom posted twenty minutes of their powder blue mustang having been rear ended pretty badly.
I laughed. XD
That's Karma! =D
Yeah... I'm not taking Rose next time I drive >.>
Also. Living gluten free is getting too expensive, so I am going off.
I figure my mom could have been lying about the wheat connections, since all she cared about was getting me on the Adkins diet anyway. Pain could be psychosomatic, and my family can't afford to keep buying special foods if I don't KNOW what I need it....
So... I'm going to keep a log on how I'm feeling physically, and ya'll who know me better please tell me if I am acting oddly once I start adding wheat back into my diet, alright? ^^ I normally get depressed and moody when gluten strikes...
So, here's to hoping it was all in my head, and nothing but positive thoughts about my digestive tract from here on out! ^^
Logged onto my facebook for once and saw a new photo my mom posted twenty minutes of their powder blue mustang having been rear ended pretty badly.
I laughed. XD
That's Karma! =D
Yeah... I'm not taking Rose next time I drive >.>
Also. Living gluten free is getting too expensive, so I am going off.
I figure my mom could have been lying about the wheat connections, since all she cared about was getting me on the Adkins diet anyway. Pain could be psychosomatic, and my family can't afford to keep buying special foods if I don't KNOW what I need it....So... I'm going to keep a log on how I'm feeling physically, and ya'll who know me better please tell me if I am acting oddly once I start adding wheat back into my diet, alright? ^^ I normally get depressed and moody when gluten strikes...
So, here's to hoping it was all in my head, and nothing but positive thoughts about my digestive tract from here on out! ^^
Vanity Evolved
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2009
I'm not even going to try and comment on some of the horrid things you've had to endure. But one thing I will say, even though I'm hugely late to say it...
... those are some damned nommy looking cakes >.< Can send please? <3
... those are some damned nommy looking cakes >.< Can send please? <3
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Yeah XD I was venting mostly, I don't expect many comments. ((Thus the enter at your own risk ^_~ ))
Unfortunately, there will be no more nommy cakes. I lost that job.
Unfortunately, there will be no more nommy cakes.
I lost that job.Vanity Evolved
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2009
Yeah, I saw... D= Boo... no cakes. Can't you make me a random special cake, even though you don't know me? =3 <3
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
I'll see if I can, after all I'm going off the gluten free, so I'll be baking again.
Vanity Evolved
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2009
Baking is always a fun thing <3 Got into actual cooking myself recently... made my first real meal from scratch yesturday, and turned out nom. =3 So, quite proud of myself.
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Ohhh I love cooking from scratch! ^^
What did you make? ^^
What did you make? ^^
Vanity Evolved
Planetoid
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2009
A really simple spaghetti bolognase. ^^' Made some sauce, cooked up the mince, prepared some mushrooms... and I didn't die from gut-rot, and it tasted really good!
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
A couple fast, fun games that test your mind and help people around the world get food and water!
So BM, a challenge, who can get the highest score in one go! ^_^
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.freepoverty.com/">http://www.freepoverty.com/</a><!-- m -->
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<!-- m --><a class="postlink" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.freerice.com/">http://www.freerice.com/</a><!-- m -->
Less competing, since this you can't "Lose" But who can donate the most, okay? ^^ ((MM, DTD, if ya'll don't play I'll smack you both.))
So BM, a challenge, who can get the highest score in one go! ^_^
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.freepoverty.com/">http://www.freepoverty.com/</a><!-- m -->
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<!-- m --><a class="postlink" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.freerice.com/">http://www.freerice.com/</a><!-- m -->
Less competing, since this you can't "Lose" But who can donate the most, okay? ^^ ((MM, DTD, if ya'll don't play I'll smack you both.))
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcZKRqreGnE[/youtube]
Mr Master
Pulsar
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
Your chuckle (giggle?) is adorable. You smile so sweetly, too. A good introduction to the you.
Excellent idea. I'd post a video diary, but I think enough people have seen the underwater footage from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home that it would be redundant.
I look forward to the next one!
Excellent idea. I'd post a video diary, but I think enough people have seen the underwater footage from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home that it would be redundant.
I look forward to the next one!
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zC8JWiyijo[/youtube]
Tried to let ya'll see Rose, but she was being stubborn! XD
Sorry about the interruption, my father-in-law will randomly come over to pound on our door or mow our lawn when he feels it's getting too long. >< It is extremely frustrating. I didn't want to do several repeats though, make it as natural as possible.
Tried to let ya'll see Rose, but she was being stubborn! XD
Sorry about the interruption, my father-in-law will randomly come over to pound on our door or mow our lawn when he feels it's getting too long. >< It is extremely frustrating. I didn't want to do several repeats though, make it as natural as possible.
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Well, my computer is dead. It wont turn on at all, and unless I can get a new one ((Gigglesnort)) I doubt I will be on too much. Never been too fond of laptops, and David likes to use his too, not fair to kick him off.
Never been too fond of laptops, and David likes to use his too, not fair to kick him off. 
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2010
- Location
- Why do you care?
Oh, sweetie! I feel for you! This was me last week!!!!!!! D=
I hope you can remedy your situation sooner as opposed to later! <333
I hope you can remedy your situation sooner as opposed to later! <333
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
O.<
Okay, now I've done it. I know I am a bit of a hypochondriac, weak to pain, and tend to get a bit melodramatic, but right now I am not happy. DX
I have a slight tendency for joint pain, not sure why bu I do. Last week in addition to a cold my right knee has decided to swell up to twice it's normal size, and that is no fun. Today, for some reason my left hip has decided 'I wont move or support weight!' D< OUCH!!! Normally I go for the walk it out method, turn on some music, and just pace quickly from one side of the room to the other until the joint feels like working again. Instead I ended up stuck in the middle of my room trying to figure out the least painful way to get to my chair. Can't hop, the jarring hurts like fuck, plus I can't hold it up... Can't walk... Hell, I can barely slide it forward on the floor inch by inch.
Anyway... O.<
Okay, now I've done it. I know I am a bit of a hypochondriac, weak to pain, and tend to get a bit melodramatic, but right now I am not happy. DX
I have a slight tendency for joint pain, not sure why bu I do. Last week in addition to a cold my right knee has decided to swell up to twice it's normal size, and that is no fun. Today, for some reason my left hip has decided 'I wont move or support weight!' D< OUCH!!! Normally I go for the walk it out method, turn on some music, and just pace quickly from one side of the room to the other until the joint feels like working again. Instead I ended up stuck in the middle of my room trying to figure out the least painful way to get to my chair. Can't hop, the jarring hurts like fuck, plus I can't hold it up... Can't walk... Hell, I can barely slide it forward on the floor inch by inch.
Anyway... O.<
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
My Halloween makeup! ^^
Unfortunately my in-laws forgot I wanted to join them and my daughter trick or treating so I spent a half hour on nothing. XD
Unfortunately my in-laws forgot I wanted to join them and my daughter trick or treating so I spent a half hour on nothing. XD
Mr Master
Pulsar
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
Okay, hang on, how could they "forget" a mother wanted to go out with her daughter?
I hate those fuckers more every day. Because you can't afford to, them being your in-laws, I'll do it for you.
Although, excellent make-up work, love! I never did any face makeup for any of my costumes, so putting out the effort is always impressive to me!
I hate those fuckers more every day. Because you can't afford to, them being your in-laws, I'll do it for you.
Although, excellent make-up work, love! I never did any face makeup for any of my costumes, so putting out the effort is always impressive to me!
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
I think I need to take a few days away to think. I'll be signed on BM but probably wont respond to RP posts or PMs for a while. I've been feeling kinda stressed and hurt, so I just need some time to reflect. I am sorry.
Extra edit: There has been a misunderstanding over the message above. I've had a bit of a nosebleed which tends to mean I need time to rest. Sorry again!
Extra edit: There has been a misunderstanding over the message above. I've had a bit of a nosebleed which tends to mean I need time to rest. Sorry again!
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Ugh to bloodloss. DX I'm just glad I didn't take the advice of 'Blow your nose when it's spurting blood!'... Again... >.> Not wise, people. XD
On a less disgusting note my birthday went well. My parents sent just a bit of money and my husband took us out for lunch, I chose a buffet because I'm cheap like that. Also picked up a video game that I can actually play ((Most of ya'll know how brilliant I am with games. /sarcasm)) and that was about it. ^^;; Cheesecake, of course, that was something I missed terribly when on gluten free.
I should be able to start catching up on old posts soon. I feel guilty because I post in one place and not another depending on how I'm feeling and thinking at the moment. Probably not the most reliable roleplay partner there is...
On a less disgusting note my birthday went well. My parents sent just a bit of money and my husband took us out for lunch, I chose a buffet because I'm cheap like that. Also picked up a video game that I can actually play ((Most of ya'll know how brilliant I am with games. /sarcasm)) and that was about it. ^^;; Cheesecake, of course, that was something I missed terribly when on gluten free.
I should be able to start catching up on old posts soon. I feel guilty because I post in one place and not another depending on how I'm feeling and thinking at the moment. Probably not the most reliable roleplay partner there is...
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2009
- Location
- Too far south
Huh, apparently I didn't post my last warning.
The fan on the laptop I was using went out, and can only be on for a short period of time. Because our internet and phone are tied into the computer there was no choice but to do something to get a functioning computer. Nowhere in this town do they fix laptops, going to the nearest city that would had best buy which ships it out before even giving an estimate of pricing, and other shops either couldn't get to it for a fews days minimum, or couldn't give an estimate.
Long story short we had to take my broken desktop to someone who works with them exclusively.... And I am pretty sure we got screwed over. The guy didn't have the power supply needed for my Acer, since I got a compact unit, and offered a trade in. So we traded in the Acer Aspire X 1200 for a Dell Dimension E521, and have to pay $150 more, one hundred today and $50 at Noct's next paycheck. The plus side is that this computer had better programs. Windows 7 instead of Vista, microsoft word and office, ect.
The fan on the laptop I was using went out, and can only be on for a short period of time. Because our internet and phone are tied into the computer there was no choice but to do something to get a functioning computer. Nowhere in this town do they fix laptops, going to the nearest city that would had best buy which ships it out before even giving an estimate of pricing, and other shops either couldn't get to it for a fews days minimum, or couldn't give an estimate.
Long story short we had to take my broken desktop to someone who works with them exclusively.... And I am pretty sure we got screwed over. The guy didn't have the power supply needed for my Acer, since I got a compact unit, and offered a trade in. So we traded in the Acer Aspire X 1200 for a Dell Dimension E521, and have to pay $150 more, one hundred today and $50 at Noct's next paycheck. The plus side is that this computer had better programs. Windows 7 instead of Vista, microsoft word and office, ect.