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That's Not Funny [f seeks M to give it hard to Harley]

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one shot

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Jul 3, 2015
Fuck you, that thread title is AMAZING. Stop judging me.

Welcome to the one shot thread. I'm a gal. I mostly want to write with blokes. I generally want, believe it or not, one shot storylines and scenes. To that end, I'll be putting a single scene idea or plot bunny in this request thread and bumping it whenever I change it to something .. likely or possibly wildly different from what it might have been before. What won't be changing is that I like a sense of humor (which doesn't mean non stop funny business, but don't treat everything like it's a Christopher Nolan film), I like well-written partners, and I like a too-healthy heaping of smut for these scenes. I will happily write in either first or third person, however shocking that might be for someone who considers themselves a lit / semi-para / pompous asshole writer to deign lower themselves to such personal perspective based-ness. I'm easy going, and easily distracted. Hold my attention, eyelashes-batting-goes-here? Alright, onto the request of the moment:

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Harley's havin' kind of a bad couple of months. First everything goes sour in Arkham Asylum, and then her puddin' goes and gets himself killed in Arkham City. Now that Crane's evacuating the city with his kooky nightmare gas and the Joker's no longer an operating concern, everyone's trying to grab themselves a piece of the Gotham pie. Thing is, even as a corpse, the Clown Prince of Crime holds a hell of a lot of cache. The way the other ne'erdowells of Gotham see it, there's a power vacuum just waitin' to be filled. And when Harleen Quinzell goes strutting into the vacated streets of Gotham with a ragtag collection of Joker's remaining loyal men, it ain't just one villain who realizes the perfect way to assert the new way of things.

No better way to claim the throne as Gotham's new king of crime than to make sure the former heir's number one gal knows exactly where she stands. Or kneels.

Set in the Arkham Knight timeline (it's a long halloween, imagine that), to make it all tl;dr for you, I'm right now looking to play Harley Quinn getting a new leash on life as she is publically made the trophy of victory over the Joker and Gotham itself. Jonathan Crane, Harvey Dent, Oswald Cobblepot, and Edward Nygma are my preferred male counterparts for this role, and frankly, I'm hoping they're going to push hard enough to finally push the blonde's constantly-teetering brain off into the brink of madness so that all she needs to consider is being a good little hyena for whoever claims Gotham for their own. If none of those guys flip up your kilt to take on, I'd be willing to talk up some other potential Arkhamverse guys (Jarvis Tetch? Waylon Jones?). Whatever ends up with Harley quiverin' to puddin' over a new fella despite her heart and mind works fine by me. If you REALLY want other incarnations of Harley et al (Margot Robbie's popular these days, right?) we can maybe talk it over. I dig Harley in just about any version!


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Relevant fetishes: Power Struggle # Forced Nudity # Rough Oral (Handlebars!) # Public Downfall (Everyone seems to have access to those giant TVs all over Gotham ..) # Bitter Rivals? (If you want to have one or more compete to take Harley .. sure!) # Mental Break # Enslavement # Clown Make-up # Spankings

Please don't include: Scatman Forever # Goody Two-Shoes # Tickling # Anal (No great excuse this time, it's just not really my thing guys) # Still bad at naming no-nos.
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Thanks for reading, everyone! If my current scene idea doesn't float your boat, but you like the cut of my jib, don't fret. Just keep my name in mind and PM me when I recycle the thread into something that interests you more. I appreciate PMs that are all "woah you seem neat, but do you do anything else?", but I really am only looking for what's in the thread. <3 Hope to word-fuck y'all soon.

The Archives
For all my lovely prior requests. Only ask VERY nicely if you want me to dredge one up, and you're more likely to get a veto than if you go for my current shiz. <3 Just recording them for posterity.

Jurassic Pork
Dah dah, dah dah, dah dah dah, dah dah dah~~ Well, you know how it goes.

Jurassic World smut. Claire Dearing is a no-nonsense, career oriented woman tasked with running one of the most unique, dangerous, and thrilling theme parks the world has ever known. But dinosaurs as they are just don't thrill the world the way they did when the Park officially opened for business. There are now generations of children who have never lived in a world where dinosaurs were extinct. And so the engineers of Jurassic Park have to experiment to achieve something bigger, badder, and more fascinating than any living fossil has ever been before. Splicing together the DNA of multiple prehistoric animals -- what could ever possibly go wrong?

Well, for one, a careless scientist could somehow hocus-pocus magic-movie science scratch themselves or bleed in the wrong spot and incorporate just enough human DNA into the vicious new creation that the carnivorous predator doesn't just have a lust for flesh -- but for ladies (bow chicka bow wow SHUT UP I KNOW THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FEMALE PORN ALSO FINDS A WAY).

Now they've cooked up some kind of new dinosaur in that lab of theirs .. and whether Dr. Wu feels Ms. Dearing is a perfect test subject, the creature escapes and happens to come across the no-nonsense park director while she tries to contain the situation, or the clever boy decides he wants what's just outside his glass prison all on his own, Jurassic Park is going to have an unexpected new addition to its breeding programs.


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Relevant fetishes: Smart, vicious dinosaur seeks career-oriented female # Cross-species Breeding / Impregnation # Sex in heels (They never come off, duh) # Betrayal (Nobody seems to mind her becoming a dinosaur fucktoy all too much) # Biting # Scratching # On Display (It might make for a good attraction, after all) # Roughhousing # Dehumanization # Fucked to Exhaustion

Please don't include: Snuff # Ellie Scattler # Anal Sex (It's about breeding, and life ain't findin' a way that way) # I don't know, I'm bad at thinking up NO'S until someone asks me about something I don't actually want to do

Second Opinion: I don't always offer a second scene idea, but in this case, I'd also be willing to play Claire getting it hard from Owen Grady. I mean "alpha male bullshit" ramped up to 11 "fucks her back into a 1950's mindset" hard. He's tamed cleverer girls than her. Just know that if you'd rather go for this than the dinodick, he should basically be equally predatory. Just, you know .. charming. 'cause Chris Pratt is.


World of Cardboard
Look, up in the sky. It's a bird! It's a plane!

It's a blonde slut who can really handle what you're about to dish out.

See, here's the thing; maybe you're an alien from another world. Maybe you're a thug from the wrong side of the tracks who happened to get infused with superhuman abilities. Maybe you're a suave older businessman who's savvy has become paired with shocking brute strength. Whoever you might be, the problem is the same: your last few lovers haven't exactly been able to survive the night. That's the problem when you pair up a man of steel with a woman of kleenex. Sure, plenty of women claim they want the kind of lovemaking that wrecks the furniture and leaves their pelvis metaphorically shattered, but when it turns out to be distressingly real? Well .. not so metaphorical anymore, and suddenly you've got a bizarre serial killer on the loose.

That's fine though. Clearly you just didn't have the right pair of hips to grab, the right kind of girl who could really take it. And now that the unfortunate end of the last few ladies to enter your little black rolodex has got some supers sniffing around for the culprit, it's like she's being lead right to your doorstep.

Ever wanted the kind of raw fucking that could literally level a building? The kind where you don't have to worry about how hard you dish it out, because you know she's good for it? That's what's on offer here at the moment. I'll be playing Kara Zor-El, better known as Supergirl. That's the thing about being invulnerable, you see. No matter how abusive, how bone-shattering, or how violent someone gets with you, you're still going to come away from it kicking. I'm pretty much exclusively interested in uber-strong brutes who can more than handle her, put her in her place, and keep her there, no kryptonite needed. Like I said, it could be a Doomsday esque alien, a canon character you want to portray, a completely original fella who lucked out on the super powers front but got the super blue balls to go along with it. Within my little parameters, you can totally color in those lines however you like, and in reward, Krypton'll have a few more last daughters to go around by the time Kara's done being bred.


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Relevant fetishes: City-wrecking sex * Clothes violently ripped off * Hair pulling * Cape yanking * Slut-shaming * Violent rape (but she loves it! (eventually!)) * Knocking Up * Dirty talk and denigration * Massive Cock, Tiny Girl * Public displays * Overwhelming Alpha Male Force * Dude Who NEEDS It * No Happy Ending * Fucked Into Mental Submission * And optionally, if you're into it, extra violence, pain, and even snuff.

Please don't include: Scatman Crothers * Romance And Wooing * Nice Guys Gone Wrong (Just be a dick from the get-go!) * Kryptonite or such * Butt Stuff

Second Opinion: Okay it's not much of a second opinion this time, because it's the same basic storyline and all. But I understand that hey, sometimes guys are like "well you gals are always demanding the big dicks but where's my gal with tits bigger than her head?" and I feel ya! Sure, I prefer Ms. Zor-El, but if ya wanna drop the E and sub in her cousin ..
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Well, we can talk.


A New Grope

STAR WARS
Episode VII: A New Grope

The search by the relentless forces of the FIRST ORDER continues apace to find the errant droid BB-8.
Believed to contain a map to the clue involving the last of the JEDI KNIGHTS, they will stop at nothing
to retrieve the data and track down LUKE SKYWALKER. A rebel Stormtrooper, FINN, has taken the droid
toward the location of the RESISTANCE where the knowledge of the map could turn the tides of coming war.

REY, an orphaned scavenger from the junkyard planet of JAKKU has just been offered a job as second mate on the
recovered Corellian light freighter THE MILLENNIUM FALCON by its legendary pilot, HAN SOLO. Though desiring to see
BB-8 and his caretaker to their next destination, there are some opportunities that can simply never be passed up. While
firmly determined to return to JAKKU to wait for the return of those who left her there, the crew takes the long way around.

Smuggling is a dangerous profession full of shady characters and shadier deals, but it's not long before THE MILLENNIUM FALCON
returns to its former reputation as a vessel to be respected and feared, depending on which side of the coin fate lands upon for you.
Delayed from her return home by yet another job she can't help but reluctantly agree to with a telling smile, REY traverses the galaxy
with an excitement and skill that comes all too naturally to her. Even if rumors dog the trio of smugglers that the young second mate has
the tendency to make the old legend cum in less than twelve parsecs whenever she's riding co-pilot in the COCKpit of the old rust bucket . . .

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"Did she seriously just write that shit?"

Relevant fetishes: May not look like much, but got it where it counts # Harrison Ford # Let the Wookie watch # Danger as an aphrodisiac # Interesting locales # Possibly unwitting incest # You came in that thing without a condom? You're braver than I thought # Clothed male / Naked(or nearly) female # Maybe he kept the slave outfit in a closet somewhere # Oral # Vaginal # Wearing him out / Han Shoots First

Please don't include: Let the Wookie join in # Anyone else getting to stick it in, for that matter # Not that there can't be gropey threatening aliens and stuff # Butt Stuff # Foot Stuff

Second Opinion: Alright, not gonna lie; I'm pretty much happy to do anything that gets Rey naked and riding on someone's lap right now, because I am full flush back in my on-and-off again obsession with Star Wars thanks to seeing this dumb new movie. So if you just want to bang the hell out of a word-sci-fi version of Daisy Ridley as someone other than an octogenarian hottie, I'm pretty happy to take other suggestions too right now.


Street Fucker Turbo Championship Edition
Wham! Pow! Jeez, what's with all the violence? It seems like this bunch of colorful folk will use just about any excuse to fight. But they don't call it "Legally Sanctioned ESPN Operated Fighting" for nothing, and things are about to get even rougher for several spectacularly endowed world warriors. The rogue nation of Shadaloo has sent out invitations to countless fighters to participate in a brand new tournament, and both their allies and enemies are chompin' at the bit to get their chance to align themselves with or take down the ruthless dictator at its head.

It just so happens that this tournament has some very particular rules that aren't disclosed until the warriors have all gathered to learn their fate: strange how there don't seem to be any men in the bracket, isn't it? And what's the stipulation about the double-elimination tournament having a penalty on first loss? .. and they can't be serious about what happens to those who are eliminated, can they?

Now Chun-Li, Cammy White, Sakura Kasugano, Karin Kanzuki, Laura Matsuda, Ibuki, and Rainbow Mika all find themselves in a contest of champions, pitted against one another as well as Shadaloo competitors such as Juri and Decapre in a tournament where only the winner will get their chance to bring themselves before the vile dictator and make their stand for world peace.

All that stands between them and victory are the conditions that stipulate that on their first loss that all their following matches will have to be fought in the nude, while if they happen to be eliminated from the competition .. well, Shadaloo has no shortage of international buyers who would be happy to test run one of their new line of domesticated, brain-washed Dolls.

Ready? FIGHT!

We can follow the path of one girl who's the eventual victor who gets to take on Bison, or of course, follow her downfall as she's subjugated, brainscrambled, and sold into sexual slavery. And you're more than welcome to play as any female character you'd like against mine, as full femme or as a futa, or just have Shadaloo outright cheat and let one of their male ringers into the fight to dominate their buxom competition~ Lots of mix and match options for this one!


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Relevant fetishes: Girl on Girl Violence * Bruising, Hair Pulling, Shirt-Tearing * Oral sex * 'Downtime' between fights * Playtime DURING Fights* Anime Physics * Brainwashing * Desperate Struggles * Cheating * Boss Characters (<3Vega<3) * Game Over * Big Dicks on Girls or Boys

Please don't include: Scat Fighter * Thigh Obsession (or Feet), Mr. Ono * Hero Dudes To The Rescue! * Butt Stuff


The MOOvie Star
Look, everyone knows that if you want to get your business off the ground, it's all about advertising. The clever campaign that makes you laugh during your primetime shows, the viral marketing that worms its way across Facebook feeds, or the good old fashioned stand-bys like "Sex sells" or the celebrity endorsement. But in the Not So Distant Future where the cattle industry is teetering on the brink of collapse and the government is desperately trying to find a solution, something as clever as Got Milk? isn't going to be enough to turn the tide for our stalwart dairy farmers and cattle rustlers making up the backbone of the Midwest.

As usual, leave it to Hollywood to try to bring the jumpstart to the economy that it so desperately needs. See, a couple of farms have been using their government stipends to make a real breakthrough in genetic engineering, and one or two in particular think they've even managed to get it down to an actual science. You start with one healthy young woman, science-science-science, ta-da! Brand new cow, far less greenhouse gas creation and roughage consumption, the best milk you've ever tasted (and not for nothin', a pretty decent burger on the backend!), and one less tick on that whole "looming human overpopulation" issue that's pretty much gonna need its own solution any day now.

But how on Earth were they going to sell that idea to the masses?

Viral marketing, clever advertisment, celebrity endorsements, and sex sells. C'mon, pay attention.

So now we join our hapless celebrity as she negotiates the surprising new offer that lands in her lap to launch a potentially industry-saving initiative -- who is she!? What will she do!? Well, I mean, that's why you PM me so we can discuss those kinds of details and fit her for a new cowbell and tits so big she can barely stand, but y'know. Rhetorical questions and all.


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Relevant fetishes: Breast Expansion # Lactation # Brain Drain # Cowbells # Cattle Prods # Public Nudity # Being Put Out to Stud # Fame # Nipple Play # Actual Bestiality? # Bad Ending?

Please don't include: Bullshit # Anal Play # Gentle Sweet Romance Treatment # The Usual Stuff I Guess
 
RE: Jurassic Pork [Clever Girl seeks M]

I'll play it but only if the dinosaur is the result of putting a velociraptor and Jeff Goldblum in the same teleportation pod and out pops a stuttering, swarthy chaos theorist.
 
RE: Jurassic Pork [Clever Girl seeks M]

Misanthrope said:
I'll play it but only if the dinosaur is the result of putting a velociraptor and Jeff Goldblum in the same teleportation pod and out pops a stuttering, swarthy chaos theorist.
[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBxgAmdPQWg[/video]
 
RE: That's Not Funny [Seeking M to give Harley Quinn a dark night]

Woah hey that's different
 
RE: World of Cardboard [Seeking M who needs a Girl of Steel]

And the rotation marches on.
 
RE: World of Cardboard [Seeking M who needs a Girl of Steel]

Not sure I like the story lines for all of these. Love the thought of boning Supergirl though :D
 
RE: A New Grope [rey seeks solo for duo] [spoilersugh]

Oh you KNEW shit like this was coming after this weekend, don't look at me like that.
 
RE: A New Grope [rey seeks solo for duo] [spoilersugh]

I'm just, uh... I'm just gonna leave this here...

Han Solo

If you ever feel like doing something with Kylo, lemme know! Han was awesome, but Ren was the true star of that movie. ;D
 
RE: A New Grope [rey seeks solo for duo] [spoilersugh]

TheProtagonist said:
I'm just, uh... I'm just gonna leave this here...

Han Solo

If you ever feel like doing something with Kylo, lemme know! Han was awesome, but Ren was the true star of that movie. ;D

C'mon at least post the best one. Those Stormtroopers might not have great aim, but they never miss a beat.
 
RE: A New Grope [rey seeks solo for duo] [spoilersugh]

Bump Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Bones
 
RE: Street Fucker Turbo Championship Edition [f seeks m/f/fu for QCF+P]

Here comes a new challenger!
 
RE: Street Fucker Turbo Championship Edition [f seeks m/f/fu for QCF+P]

Did I do something wrong?
 
RE: Street Fucker Turbo Championship Edition [f seeks m/f/fu for QCF+P]

one shot said:

Confession: I'm not a gamer, so I wouldn't be able to do justice to a story involving Street Fighter characters. But I at least do know that Chun-Li is the strongest woman in the world (super sexy!!), and that gif of Laura (gorgeous, busty, and jacked!!!) gets my juices flowing! :p:D
 
RE: The MOOvie Star [f seeks M for some transformation stuff]

Old McDonald has a farm . . .
 
RE: The MOOvie Star [f seeks M for some transformation stuff]

The only problem is, I am MOOning over to star in something like that, not man enough to do it to you. ;)
 
RE: The MOOvie Star [f seeks M for some transformation stuff]

One more little bump for this prompt.
 
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