O Fortuna...

All these storms lately make me feel better. You have no idea.

I'm adjusting to Karo staying with me. Though at times I wonder >-> I think we are 'too' alike sometimes. BUT We deal with it. He's now gone a majority of the time thanks to a new boy toy. (Thank gawd he got over that other one, it was becoming too depressing for me :/)

I want life to be simple but life never is, you live and deal with it. Work is gonna be a bitch this week but that's not my fault. :/ though the thought of driving to Durham is daunting. I dislike durham. For...various reasons. >_>

Karo left a few days ago. Saying I was one of the most difficult people to live with and that I look down on people. >> I could say the same thing to him. I thought I was reasonable in some of my requests considering how it's a studio apartment and privacy is limited if not unheard of for some of these things.

Coming home at 2-3 AM knowing your roommate has work at 9 AM for example. Or using all the dishes. Or eating all the cereal. Or using all the TP. Boy I'm never home enough to do those things. <_<

So in a way I'm thankful he left. It gives me my peace of mind and space back. I need that to function. And he ran me ragged if my 5 hour naps say anything about it. In fact after this I'm going to walk right back up to my apartment and go back to bed. Even though I've only been up for 2 hours.

Ragged.

And then a guy asked me out to lunch this week (he's doing a raincheck on me cause of work) he's a friend of Carl's. Which...means he's gay. And he's got my type written all over him. That alone is depressing. Let's not mention he actually gives me compliments. >.> And he likes the fact I can drive a stick (I drove his car, *purr*). PAH.

Eventually I'll get this right. I just pray that's before my mother decides to go "THAT'S IT" and play matchmaker on me. ._.

Speaking of my mother....

My mom texted me (she loves texting now omg) saying she had an ultrasound done. I knew it wasn't a kid factor because mom had her tubes tied about 10 years ago after my sister was born. >>; Which now makes me exceedingly paranoid of what it could be. My mom going into a hospital scares me enough as it is because it happened so often when I was little. And Mom's my best friend. She's got a lot of shit on her plate, health wise. She's Bipolar, she now has to do Insulin shots cause she's diabetic, and she has high-blood pressure. I hope it's nothing and just something funky in mom's system.

I'm just...really worried. Mom's everything to me. It's because of her that I get to go to school this fall. Shit she actually said the only reason she would get a job was to put me through school. She knows how bad I've had it. She scared me when her BiPolar meds weren't in order. She seriously wanted to die. She couldn't stand the fact she yelled at me. She's better now that she's regulated but still.

I just hope my momma is okay. I don't think I'd be staying sane/calm if something happened to her. Period.

You're in my thoughts Tako. Hang in there as best as you can. Ultrasounds are done for many different reasons so this may be nothing more than a routine scan to identify sources of pain, etc.

DareToDream said:

You're in my thoughts Tako. Hang in there as best as you can. Ultrasounds are done for many different reasons so this may be nothing more than a routine scan to identify sources of pain, etc.

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Thanks DtD. <3 I needed that. I'm only worried because she's gettin tissues samples done next week. I hate it when she leaves me in the dark about things like this but at least she's starting to TELL me some of it instead of me finding out later on. That would have been ugly. I love my mom dearly.

in other news apparently my grandmother and mother are going to switch houses. >.> I have only good memories of Mom's house and the fact this switch is going on irritates me. But I know it's for the best.
c b
Saw the best liscence plate today: V4VCTORY - Win. I also got my first electric bill. A whopping $48. >_> $17 of which was a start up fee. This makes my day more. <3

Taste me drink my soul,
show me all the things that I shouldn't know,
when there's a new moon on the rise
The Pretty Reckless - Make Me Wanna Die

Omg. The moon is huuuge tonight.

Makes me wish I had more gas. :< There is an awesome spot near S. Saunders St exit that shows off the skyline. It's soo pretty....

But OMFG. Do people get TESTY around holidays. .-. wtf guys. >_> Just get your shit done early. Don't yell at me for something we dun have >>; It's not my fault.

But I bought 55 items worth of groceries today. And spent $74. No shit <3 I'm rather proud of my self since I saved $21. I have enough food for essentially a -month-. >-> I just need to get Butter, Milk, and Bread. >.>; I think that's it. And Bananas. o-o I have Chicken, Turkey and Beef, A pizza, Salad fixins, Pasta, PBJ <3, Cereal, Bananas, green peppers, Sobe (it's on sale for 88 cents), chips and salsa, chips. ummms. What else. O-o; oh yeah I got a case of our store brand root beer. (Which tastes DAMN good ), OJ...yogurt. *thinkthinks* I splurged and got ice cream...and a pack of wine coolers >.>; Yup. I'm stocked.

And I got my exercise today. I had to make 3 trips to my car and back to my apartment. Ew. :<

I BLAME YOU HARRIET FOR GETTIN THIS SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD. :<

And apparently my offline Pet is planning to visit his Mistress. >.>

This shall be entertaining <3. Hopefully he does, he's thinkin for my birthday which would be the icing on the cake for me. <3 All I have to do is keep my head together.

Reminds me I have to call my other job to see if I can Come in on Wednesday since I work my normal shift at my main job on thursday ;

Money money money.

And I paid Rent early.

Day made <3

To do list:
- Buy broom and dustpan
- Do Dishes
- Clean apartment
- Get sunscreen for the pool on FRIDAY <3
- Pack box for Haru-chan's books and get her FUCKIN ADDRESS from Mr. Sir if he still has it.
- Send a goody box to Mr. Sir and his roommates cause she has failed to send Jolly Rancher goodies as promised D:
- Make out Meal agendas for the week [Because otherwise food will not be on my mind]
- Get lunch bags for work.
- Set up an appointment for Sparky to get it's oil changed and tires rotated before it decides to say fuck you <_<;
- Not freak out when people walk up behind her and scare the shit out of her o_o;;;;
- Post to any and all rps before Friday <3
- Not go crazy. ._.;

Not sure if last option can be achieved. But I will try.

House Rules at Vega's Apartment

This has been the shittiest week on the planet. Seriously. I don't want any more stress or BAD NEWS piled onto my plate right now. Last thing I need.

Mom can't sit up for more than a few hours at a time without being in extreme pain :< This worries me. A lot. Then I found out Gram had to put down my favorite of her two dogs. :/ the only one who bothered to greet me when I came home.

Then little shit happened, up to the point where I worked from 5 PM at my job to coming home at 5 AM from said job.

I'm a little snippy it's to be expected to be at this point. I know you guys care, and I love you all dearly. But can you please try to be optimistic for me when it comes to my mom? Pessimism about it will push me into a depression I'm not quite ready to jump head first into in the next few weeks. We don't know anything for sure yet till later on. She's got her operation tomorrow and hopefully it will go over well, and everything will just be benign or something strange and not cancer.

I'm sorry :/ I just don't want any negativity right now. I can't even think about what would happen if it were true, I need to take this a step at a time and step lightly. I already lost my paternal rock to cancer. My grandfather was a brilliant man....actually now that I think about it in 5 days he will be dead for 7 years. Two of which I was subjected to not only my own depression over it but also my mother's and grandmother's. That was hard enough to go through.

My siblings aren't even teenagers yet. I am being optimistic because someone has to be. And I'm the only one who will go absolutely insane if I heard my mom wasn't going to make it. No one needs to see that happen to their mom. Not after seeing her in and out of hospitals before your five. Or watching her cope with depression medication for over ten years only to find out the year after you graduate from high school she really had bipolar and that when she lost her temper at you so violently (My mom had been known to throw things at my stepfather but her tongue is far worse than any pain she could have done) it wasn't exactly something you did but how her mind was working. Or see her now have insulin shots. It's ROUGH.

I don't need to hear bad things. I already lived through the bad things with my grandfather. Let's not repeat it with my mom.

You have a strong heart and a good attitude, Tako. It's intention that matters when it comes to people and I know that some people don't come off the best...but they care. And they don't want to see you disappointed in the end by the wrong outlook.

Your playing all of your cards right. You're doing a great job with being there for your mother and for now that's all you can do besides feed positivity into the situation. You do a good job of that as well.

Keep your chin up, Tako. Life will be life and things will pan out.

My mom's tests results came back -NEGATIVE- For cancer.

:3

TakodaVega said:

My mom's tests results came back -NEGATIVE- For cancer.

:3

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That's awesome Tako! I'm glad to hear it <3

DareToDream said:

TakodaVega said:

My mom's tests results came back -NEGATIVE- For cancer.

:3

Click to expand...

That's awesome Tako! I'm glad to hear it <3

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AND YOU WERE TRYING TO MAKE MEH FEEL NEGATIVE ABOUT THE SITUATION! Fail. DTD D< Positive Energy always makes things better. IF you use it to your advantage.

Hehe, Now you can relax and smile Vega. I'm very proud of how you carried yourself through this with positive thinking. <3

AND YOU WERE TRYING TO MAKE MEH FEEL NEGATIVE ABOUT THE SITUATION! Fail. DTD D< Positive Energy always makes things better. IF you use it to your advantage.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa! I wasn't trying to make you feel negative about the situation at all. Or at least that hadn't been my intention. I was simply trying to help you prepare for all possibilities because what you were telling me didn't sound good - for your mom or for you - and I didn't want to see you spiral out of control if it was bad news. I never stopped thinking positive my friend, but I believe in preparing oneself for all possibilities. That's what I was trying to do for you. I'm truly sorry if it was seen any other way as that had not been my intent.

DareToDream said:

AND YOU WERE TRYING TO MAKE MEH FEEL NEGATIVE ABOUT THE SITUATION! Fail. DTD D< Positive Energy always makes things better. IF you use it to your advantage.

Click to expand...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I wasn't trying to make you feel negative about the situation at all. Or at least that hadn't been my intention. I was simply trying to help you prepare for all possibilities because what you were telling me didn't sound good - for your mom or for you - and I didn't want to see you spiral out of control if it was bad news. I never stopped thinking positive my friend, but I believe in preparing oneself for all possibilities. That's what I was trying to do for you. I'm truly sorry if it was seen any other way as that had not been my intent.

Click to expand...

DTD dear I'm a pessimist. I'm going to think the negative things first, so I have to remain optomistic to keep my head up. And that is a constant effort sometimes. For other people it's fairly easy but when it comes to me and mine it's a bit different and molded much differently. You could almost say tainted.

------------------------Journal part

It's been kind of a 'duh' factor for some people to know my self-esteem has been rocky at best. However the past month and half or so it seems to have been improving in leaps and bounds. I don't know if it's the Apartment that's doing that and being away from the negativity of my ex-roommates. Or just things that have happened recently.

Such as my 'brothers' actually calling me to see me/check up on me. That was the big one. One of those meant a lot to me, considering he up and said one of the only reasons he came up to visit from Houston was because he wanted to see me. Even for like thirty minutes, because he wanted to talk to me. Why? Because out of the entire RDU crew left, I'm the only one that was mature enough for him. He never went to college, lives on his own, and makes 25/h. Being a legal hacker xD;

Then my other brother who moved to Vermont (Why I'm still vaguely unsure of), told me to call him. Apparently he's doing okay, which makes it easier to know. I'm a bit protective of ze Family as it is, they know it too. I'm kind of the friend who has tabs on everybody, sometimes unknowingly. I'd rather have a touch of information everywhere than be strictly one thing, that would be so...dull. It's just how my brain works. I can't just do one thing at once. But when it comes to people I see mostly the whole picture than the bits and pieces.

People sometimes call me a back-stabbing bitch because of it. Why? Because I'm friends with someone they hate, and I will sometimes put my foot down when someone insults the other person just because their own personal issue with them. Who I choose to be friends with is my decision. You sometimes find the True friends beneath all the petty disputes however. Normally I don't bring up things that would start a bitchfest if I can help it. Drama is just that. Drama. It makes me think less of Humankind as a whole.

However, I have learned that sometimes over the years there are some things that need to be turned inwards. I'm working on me in slow bits and pieces. Sometimes I have my good days, and then others I just break down. I'm trying to conquer the little voice inside of my head who is only seeing the negative sides of the situation - whether it's about my appearance, my choices, or something that fell into my lap like a bad habit.

I have the capability to think, and process, under extreme stress in an extremely high rate, however sometimes thinking doesn't always translate into action. Needless to say my Fight/Flight reaction is broken. Why? I'm not exactly sure. I've had things happen prior to certain other instances that tell me that it's not as a whole it doesn't work. It seems in certain situations just shut me down. On one hand I can avoid crashing into someone else while dragging a bumper, having a blown tire, and leaking fluid across three lanes of traffic after being hit by a semi, while on the other hand not being emotionally attached to someone makes it extremely hard to voice my desires, or lack thereof.

Maybe because I have more control of the situation when it comes to the Car vs a Human. The car can't think for itself. A human however can always decide to ignore the whims of another human being. Whether it's the 'self-esteem' part of my issue I'm not exactly sure either. I don't take rejection as well as some, or at least not as easy as some think. I've had too many instances to count where I have told a friend on such and such a person, yet when I introduce the two people it seems like their life just clicks. And in some instances they break up and then I get blamed for it. Not my fault, completely, but it happens. One of my Overseas friends is one of those, I don't think he's forgiven me to this day.

But I'm working on slowly -tackling- said issue. I can't live my life worrying if someone is going to accept me -as I am-, not everyone will. Some will detest me to the core of their being till if any thought of me enters their head their vision turns red. I can't change that. I doubt I ever could, however I can at least try to take baby steps to make it so I can be more the, well me, that I've been keeping padlocked.

Someone recently just said the right things to get me thinking, what's the harm of doing this or that eh? They would say whether or not it was a stupid move. Probably why I trust them to do so. They helped bump my self esteem up from when I was teetering on a mental path of not so good things.

My brother told me something last night that got me to wonder...

Someone wake me up when September ends. Something in my mind tells me that its about to go crazy. Part of me says that its going to be a good thing, and another side of me says its going to be very bad. Like...when I was sixteen bad. And I'm not sure if I could do that to myself again. *twitch* But he won't tell me what's going on. I can only wait till September when he'll tell me. My insatiable curiosity makes it hard to not worry about it. -.-; I just hope I'm not playing Mole again - I don't want Daeboy coming after me with a pitchfork because of his disgust with me. I wouldn't put it past him anyway.

Hearing friends who are pregnant is not a new situation for me. One of my friends...(well she and I used to be really close, until she sicked a guy on me and he in turn almost raped me. .-. but anyway)...was obsessed about having kids. She's not NEARLY as bad anymore. but....at one point she was. Seriously. And one of my younger 'brothers' hooked up with a girl who is still to my knowledge like that even after having a kid.

Like I said, the baby thing doesn't bother me.

Finding out you're having a baby after you realize you haven't had your period since September does. Very. Darling WTF?! I know you, and I know you're irregular on the period department but shouldn't you have thought ya know, after 3-4 months of not having it that there may be something up? You're like...practically due aren't you? ya? WTF. .-.

Putting it out to be something thyroid related doesn't seem rational, to me anyway. Okay the gaining weight part does, but honestly? Seriously? You are 27 years old. I'm willing to bet you had mood swings but you didn't put the missed periods + Mood swings together. -.-;

May be having a boy over 4th of July weekend. More news later ;3

Dear Kroger Manager-Bitch. I'm sorry you are OMGWTFBBQ at the fact I can't work for you Sunday Mornings. It is not my fault my Saturday Night shift can take me until FIVEFUCKINGAM to get done (and this is with TWO people). If you are so mad about it why didn't you give me hours when I was only doing Front End eh? EH?! My paychecks are the proof. All my paychecks sucked balls until I started doing FM, then it went to at least $60-80 to sometimes $200 more per paycheck.

You are starting to seriously piss me off. You cannot honestly expect me to be a robot or I will seriously start thinking this is the same thing as McD's. I'm not in the mood to drop a job just because you aren't willing to give me some BREATHING room. I don't complain, I do my job, and go on my merry way, but there are times I need to draw the line and say...back the hell off.

ON a better note.

I am a fucking bad ass at budgeting. No seriously. I thought that I may have to pay rent the 2nd instead of my usual 30th. It wouldn't be late seeing as how my Apartment complex allows us to pay to the 5th, but I like to be early so I don't even have to worry about it. With this month coming up having five paychecks just from my main job, plus the two bigger checks from the other job I'm going to finally seriously pay back everything in high gear. I absolutely hate borrowing money. Hate it. So they will be paid off, in full no later than September.

My current monthly budget looks like this~:

$421 - Rent
$134 - Car insurance (I know, but actually that's the cheapest insurance I can get o_o)
$ 75 - Groceries (I'm good ;3)
$ 50 - Gas (A tank will usually last me 2-3 weeks depending on how much I'm driving. o.o)
$ 35 - Electric (it should go down in september though. 90-100 humid weather is DEAATTTH)
=
$715

Note: I compute this normally on a Bi-weekly basis therefore never really know it's this high normally O-o; However I'm good with money so shush~

However almost all these bills compute from the 20th - 31st. (Thus my computes via bi-weekly). Luckily for me my Savings account is rigged to my checking account so I never really overspend. In fact I'm ahead of the game and already have $50 put away xD~ Anyway! In the end of this month I have for one day $2.89 in checking. The goal is to not have to withdraw moneh from Savings to make my ends meet. When I moved to Cary I had $250 stashed away. I used it withing a month ._. I'm not going to repeat the experience. It's strictly money for ICE (In Case of Emergency). I want to get to the point I was in early 08. I had $1k in the bank. Mainly because I didn't really -go- anywhere except to work and back until the tail end of it. Then of course I had to drop a new Transmission into Sahara and money went *poof*. >>;


HOWEVER ALL THIS TALK OF MONEH DEPRESSES ME :<

However! My pet Muruku is coming in from out of town :3 For the fourth of July weekend~ That alone cheers me up immensely. :3 He's a good one. If he comes home with marks that's not my fault. Nope. Not at all~ He asked for it xD.

~ SO!

On one hand I am a very very shy person >>;

On the other hand I'm a very evil Mistress >:3

Apparently Muruku can't make up his mind which I am xD; Which is fine with me, I'll let him keep guessing. For the most part both of us are taking it slow actually. Why? We've been fucked over by all the relationships we gave a damn about (He's been married once and the last gf he was with killed him too :/...meanwhile I can't get a guy to keep up with the communication to keep me sane and err unparanoid?). However! He was impressed by the fact I am trying to be Independent and not have to rely on somebody.

Thank gods for 2 $300 paychecks back to back <3 Not including the other Job's paycheck XD....which will be huge o_o like over $200. Oh snap XD; Looks as though I'll be ahead and it's not even the end of the month yet. XD. Thank god cause the Honda needs brakes ; Seriously. It whistles now in motion. Oh lord ><;

Good thing my buddy knows people who knows people. =P He'll ask his buddy to see if I buy the brake pads if they'll install them...for freeee >3

ATLANTABOUNDINAUGUST >3



._. RP FAIL TT

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- - Author Unknown

Ever since Muruku (My boyfriend/Pet~) went home I've been having extremely vivid nightmares. When I mean vivid, I mean when I wake up I can still smoke and ash from the dream. The ironic thing is I am only having these nightmares between 9:30 PM - 2 AM. I know this because of the fact I couldn't sleep more than 4 hours for the first two weeks. As if to err repel that my mind won't sleep until after then. Thus despite knowing I have work at 7 AM I am not falling asleep until 2. For I would say is Sanity's sake. Now the other night I was so bad into my sleep deprivation (and I had taken my sleeping/pain pills o_o) That I...kinda crashed. >>;

~My big brother is gonna come see me while I'm in Atlanta supposedly. Because he's worried about me. >> However I know if I panic it will only make me paranoid. Well more paranoid than I naturally am.

People who I trust genuinely don't see that paranoia as often as I used to show it. Paranoia won't do me any good. It'll make me act more on impulse than I need to.

*sigh* Meh.

However! My creative streak came back full force :3

So far I've done a 'literary sketch', as I call them, of Amurjin, Amoyjin, Unciajin, and Chitrajin females. :3 ~ It's soo awesome for meh xD Because for the longest time I've had a hard time trying to flesh them out >.>; If you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about it's a project I've been developing over the past few years.

FUCKING A' that's it. I'm driving home ._. I'm paranoid of storms as it is >>; I think I shall finish this when I'm coherent enough to do so!

SO! I got my acceptance stuff from Wake Tech. I start this spring. It will only be part-time but I figure it will at least get me started again. Gawd. Most of my friends are graduating this year (at least those who didn't go military side anyway >> or Karo who dropped college for mental health stuff). This kinda makes me feel a little awkward about it, however it has been something I wanted for awhile now.

My grandmother is still trying to figure out how I nearly crashed in AP English yet still managed to get a 96 on the COMPASS test XD. For the English part anyway.

6 more days till I get fucking steak. Mmmm Steak~ Mr. Sir is failing on cashing on my request in exchange for driving an hour and half at 5 AM to take him to work. <_< And I don't even ask for much. Seriously. The past few years I asked for maybe 10 things for both christmas and my birthday. Last year my mom felt guilty because I didn't get anything big thus my netbook for my birthday. This year I have some odd requests considering it's well me. But Most of the things I would put to good use. My mp3 player is almost 4 years old and needs to be retired. <_< It's got a huge crack across the front of it and I've dropped it so many times that one corner has completly busted off. That and my ex roommate ass person's dog chewed up the power cord to it <.<;;; It still charges but still.

I really -want- internet. If I dun get it I'll just pay for it meself.

Other thoughts came to why I decided to write this today anyway.

My bf tried to get by and call me -his- pet the other day. This did not slide with me. >> I have no exact reason as to truly why but I never feel like a pet when I'm around him. More like in reverse. My mentality won't let him get with that. Which has me somewhat perplexed because he is the more dominant one between the two of us. Hmm. Actually now that I think about there are really only five males I didn't have that general vibe from. Still though, makes me wonder.