O Fortuna...

You have no car, you have little funds, but you can keep up your portion of the rent, and Karo's giving you rides everywhere anyway, even living across town.

If you found a roommate situation closer to where Karo lived, your situation would be not different beyond the fact that you'd be happier (you'd have to be), and Karo would have an easier time of it.

(You should also try and find a bike to use for basic local commuting. Trust me, it helps with a lot of things, and sooooooo much cheaper than a car.)

What's that you say? No housing available? I have no idea what the geography is like in Cary, but you have to at least look around before you can say that. Hell, you don't see what you like, sign up and ask around yourself, or find someone who's also looking for a roommate and see if there's a place you two could rent together.

Because it cannot be worse than your current situation, in all honesty.

If it were that easy I would have left a long LONG time ago - As it is I have no credit history (Let alone get APPROVED for credit). I stay on time with my bills. But the bills equal about the amount of funds I'm getting in at the moment. (I'm getting promised more hours so that's not going to be the case hopefully here soon).

There's a lot of things I'm not saying that's going on behind the scenes either. Places that have offered me a place to stay have apparently fallen through - or won't be available for a few months. I technically could move in to Karo's place (they have a huge fucking house .-.) But something tells me there too wouldn't last long. I don't know I'd have to talk to him and his parents about it.

I'm not spending so much on my car as people might think. Once it's fixed I'm paying...at most $130 a month. That's including car insurance and gas. I don't have to deal with car payments since it was a car given to me for free after my old one died. I've been thinking about getting a bike though since Cary is one of the safer roads for bikers. However storage becomes the issue. Roommate keep's his outside on the porch. Though to my knowledge it's never been used, too tall for me though.

I don't know :/ I just wish things would straighten out for me long enough for me to think and not be a big huge fucking deal every time this comes up. I don't think he gets just what he's doing to me is the same thing as my grandmother, who did the same thing as my stepfather. -.-; I'll talk to Karo about it later.

yes, talk to meh about it

Today was a good day.

Consisting of not speaking to my roommate at all. Which is good...and bad. >.o the apartment is like Toxic gas when he's here. Which thankfully I only see him Tuesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays otherwise he's gone from 8 Am - 10/11 PM.

In other words I have the apartment to myself the rest of the time.

I should fucking detox the place :/ Whatever negativity he made has made it...well THIS. D< Tomorrow I am opening doors and windows and just letting the FRESH AIR take over yes. Just not gonna go in his room. I shall have to drag his Dog's food and food bowl out but otherwise meh. *shrugs* I doubt it will be so bad.

I think tomorrow will be a good day for a walk to the mall, seeing as how it's right up the road! As spring is coming around, I should start a walking regime. I think in a way I need to destress and detox. On my days off I shall do this walking Regime. Unless I work that night then I shall do it in the morning. It's about a mile round trip, excluding walking around the mall itself (one trip around the mall is at least one mile - I usually go around at least once, maybe twice if I'm good). That alone will do wonders. Walking a few miles, with music and such. Yes I see my regime forming. Maybe I can have Karo go with me >.> I dunno maybe. xD we'll see. As it is Karo and I go to the mall at least..once a week? Maybe every other week? I dunno we usually go to the bigger mall (Crabtree). Once summer hits it'll be time for the pool~

Bwahaha.

I hope to loose 20 lbs by my birthday. It's not much but it's a goal.

So yesterday's Blip put me in a foul mood and has throughly affected my sleep.

In other words I feel like shyte. :/

Not because I went drinking last night.

ANYWAY Apparently yesterday's fiasco over the interwebs and shit was all...coincidental? o.o the cats had apparently slept in roomie's room and had knocked the interwebs to 'hold' Therefore Connected but not transmitting. o.o;;;;

and...apparently he had no idea his door was locked ; I told him I thought he was mad at me and shit and he was like "... No I have been off my meds and feel like I have no free time to myself. I'm sorry, it's not your fault - Thank you for cleaning the apartment - I appreciate it."

So my day wasn't completely bad - save for the whole computer cord frying already -.- however I'm getting a new one in the mail so I'm not so worried. I'm on Roomie's computer (again) right now but I won't be on much longer I simply got on to check e-mails since a bitch to do so from my phone E_E however I like the fact all my messengers are on my phone <3 so yay.

Or texting works. ._. vega likes texting and phone calls and YAR

FYI - Thanks MM and Padan for keeping me from going *KABOOM* and a double thanks to Karo for kidnapping me today before I went boom again <_< Let's hope my power cord gets here tomorrow so I don't have to worry about it.

I found out last night My roommate may be planning to move in May. Which is...okay I guess? Until I was informed right after that the place that I was supposed to be moving to in May fell through.

...

Fuck me sideways.

Wait till I tell Karo this. >.o

I was having a good day - Really I was. I got my new power cord, was excited to see my mom in a few days, even if I was just spending the night at the house to watch the kids (Before you say anything there is NO place for me to sleep there other than the couch - as comfy as that is it's not good for long periods of time). Mom's always been my biggest supporter the one who usually picked me up. My mom took the fact I liked girls as if it was okay to do so (despite a majority of my family's background). Mom...is my best friend.

The problem is - my mom has no idea what is going on. I don't want her to be disappointed in me like she had been through high school. She understood but then again she was still getting her Bipolar medications underway.

My roommate came in after the net fried itself again (Ironically as soon as my roommate got on! Gasp!) he fixed it (for himself - My wireless still won't let me connect to the fucker. My netbook is a good leaching thing <3). Stating the following: "Due to the bill situation this month...and the fact I took PTO yesterday and I will have to on Wednesday due to No Gas....You and Karo will have to move out at the end of the month."

Me: ...

Him: "I'm not trying to be a bad guy"... (by this time I tuned him out)

First of all.

KARO DOES NOT LIVE HERE. HE LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS. He has been EXCEEDINGLY nice to me but I honestly have NO idea if his parents will let me stay for extended periods (albeit paying a 'rent' for whatever room I would stay in) and both of us right now are kinda...well strained in the Funds category. We'll be both in the black certainly but my roommate drained me dry in the funds department mostly. Karo knows this :/ He knows how much of a panic I have been in trying to appease him AND make sure I stay afloat.

This money factor irks me more. Why? Because my roommate asked me for Gas money on...saturday? He KNEW I was broke. The $10 I gave him? It was from my Savings. :/ I had already depleted my savings last month for my car insurance bill and was slowly building it back up. This is where it gets interesting! The cat kept knocking the money onto the floor from the counter (where he told me to put it) so I put up on the board next to his keys in plain sight so he knew I kept my word.

The next day? He did PTO on Sunday, I overheard him talking to his ex-fiancée person that I didn't leave him the money - so when I got up that morning double checking to see if he had work he said I didn't leave him money. .___. which is bullshit. And I showed him.

Him: "Oh...I never thought to look there it's my fault."

Yeah keep doing what you been doing. .-.

Do you have any IDEA how much I've been upset? This is NOT good for my mental health at all. Considering when I moved in he had said if for some reason I didn't have money he wouldn't hold it against me.

LOOKS TO ME LIKE HE FUCKING IS. He games all the time (I have yet to see him off his star trek online game) and blames me for how things are going? 'Cuse me but I believe you are the one who mentioned you had a bad streak of impulse buying. Do you know what my most expensive buy was the past...3-5 months? $9. And you know what it was? A book. Actually Karo is the one who spotted it for me. It was a little extra than I had budgeted to go see Mr_Sir...but I got it since most of my books were still at Gram's.

I admit - It was a fucking good book. and a great buy!

HIS 'impulse' buying? When his phone got fried after he got it wet - he had to go buy a new phone! So instead of something cheap like mine (I'm on Verizon as well as he is), my phone cost my mom about $20ish or so. Plus adding my number to their plan. With talking and such it's not super expensive *and* I have texting. - My parents charge me $25 a month for my line, that includes my 'line' and my monthly text payment.

He currently pays over $100 and had his parents pay for his Droid Eris. The other day he wasn't sure he would be able to pay for his cell phone bill. Hurr...IF he got a plan similar to mine he'd be paying about...half that. Like I said. IMPULSE. AS with your games! Pah.

My bills a month WITHOUT groceries and other necessities is about $293ish a month.

Rent/Utilities, Insurance, and Phone. I make about...$400 a month right now O-o; If I can get more hours a week (I'm TRYING to get Amy to give me at least 3, 8 hour days a week) this will change a lot. (I'd be making more than I would be at McD's if I just had -3- full days a week. Sad huh?). However that is how it is right now. Now subtract $70 for Groceries from the amount left over. Leaves me with about $40 to 'play' with so to speak. Half of it I try to stow away in Savings, which leaves me withhhh about $20 to actually 'play' with. And usually my roommate snatches that for Misc. stuff. Like Gas.

If he actually went to work as often as he could, he'd make about $1300 a month (With taxes taken out). His bills (Rent, Utilities {My portion of 'payment' usually covers them FUNNILY ENOUGH}, Cell, Gas and Interwebs) together don't even GET that high. I even checked, unless there are some bills I'm not counting he should still have at least $300 left over. o-O So...WTF. What'd I do? Shit he'd have more than that considering I pay him $150 for my utilities and Rent.

-.- Mr. Sir even budgets better.

So why am I the cause of the finacial 'strain' he has?

I just hope Karo and I can figure something out - with Money as tight for me as it is 'spare' change is hard to come by - particularly if you have to figure out Security Deposits.

First of all!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FISHY (Sanguinairius) <3! YOU OLD GEEZER D: well not really but last time I was around for your birthday 'actively' I vaguely remember you becoming drinking age state side =P

That was 3 years ago!

In other news! Besides the fact I found out the reason why my roommate is out is because his ex is moving back in. I think she thinks I'm not apologizing just because I'm a bitch. Actually funnily enough she is the self-proclaimed bitchy of the Bitch. Ah! well <3

I filed my taxes! I was so surprised that I actually got money back from the Feds..since I only paid them $45 for the entire year. And I got $149! Unbelievable! O.O! Too bad that the state couldn't be so nice. :< I owe them $152. Go figure.

Going to talk to Karo's parents into seeing if they will let me stay with them if I pay to rent one of the rooms on Friday. I'm a bit antsy about it. >.o; Simply because his dad intimidates me a bit and his mom...I think them separated they don't sync on the same wavelength or something .

SPEAKING OF MOMS!

I get to see mine tomorrow! <3333 I'm really excited. Seeing my mom can really REALLY brighten my day in so many ways... IT makes me so happy.

FYI - having a spiritual twin that knows you better than you know yourself is a bad source of JuJu...unless you need it. My Twin probably knows me better than even Fishy does if that is humanly possible.

[23:56] Ry: don't chase what you desire..what you think you need
[23:56] Ry: cause what you catch won't be what you needed at all...what you need will catch you..okay?
[23:56] Ry: just...enjoy life alright?
[23:56] Me: I will when it stops fucking me over >.o
[23:57] Ry: *pulls out a mallet* Do I really need to use this?
[23:57] Ry: it's fucking you over cause you EXPECT IT TO
[23:57] Ry: SO STOP FU$^%#*ING ASSUMING!
[23:57] Ry: *jabs in da ribs*
[23:57] Ry: capiche amigo? lol

You always know when I need you. EVEN THOUGH I know you won't get back into rping anytime soon (Outside of D&D of course) thank you for being there when I DO need you. If only you weren't Gay =P. But then again - you wouldn't have found the male your with now eh? I wish you luck my dear twin <3.

Karo's Parents said no.

I'm going to try and get a hold of a few other friends of mine. who live in Raleigh and see if they can't give me a place to stay, even if it's just a couch for a few weeks. :/

I don't know if that will work or not. I just hope someone will help. I don't have the money to rent (My roommate has made it virtually impossible for me for actually to have SAVED UP to get an Apartment) some of the places that are offering. I fucking hope Amy will let me at least work those 3-4 days a week. If I just made THAT much more money I would be okay. I would be REALLY okay.

But until those days come I'm..out of luck. I might be better of living in my car and going to see Karo every few days or so to just get clean and laundry done.

If not I'll find some way. I have to. If I knew the people at work better maybe it would be easier but as it is I don't.

I guess my track record is proving to be a moot point now. I can't live with somebody else because they will kick me out. First my stepfather did, then my grandmother and now my roommate. Sense of humor my ass. I'm so sick and tired of getting fucked over whenever something good happens.

SO FUCKING SICK OF IT.

There may be some light to all this FUCKED UP SHIT that's going on.

I found an apartment (possibly) That I may (More than likely) be able to afford. Holy shit. Karo may or may not move in - I need to talk to Amy to get a lot more hours in to make this work though.

Problem = My car is STILL out of commission hopefully I can fix that. >>; I just need my friend to get his ass out here to figure it out D:

I'm taking myself a vacation from bm for my own mental health. I need to get my shit prioritized. Otherwise this will keep happening and I'll just implode even further.

I'll post to my roleplays and that's about it.

As it is Roommate is off his medication and is yelling at me on a now constant basis -.-

Life's IRONY is well. Irony

Only for me, my roommate is learning the hard way that the decisions he's made have cost him =P In more ways than one. Please forgive me but I must gloat upon this discovery. Note again it is not in my normal nature to gloat, but this is far more...entertaining than I had imagined :3

My roommates choices, mainly money spending habits have put him in this position. I am no longer financially obligated to him as I paid him the $150 for this month. What he does with it? WELL that's his choice =P Sorry but I'm not buying groceries anymore either. Considering you don't buy essentials (I.E - Milk, bread,etcetc) and instead buy Soda and shit we don't need. ._.

At the moment I am already ahead on a majority of my bills. I might decide to go ahead and pay my Car Insurance bill early so that I can now budget this Car fixing/ apartment business. IF it's a battery thing that is wrong with my car (Though that makes little sense in my mind since it was...running...for at least...30+ minutes before it died Then this will be a lotttt cheaper to fix ; Lulz.

Anyway! Back to roommate. APPARENTLY his cell phone is getting disconnected. Therefore. Lulz. He was the one who chose to be...late. And used all his vacation days because of needing *me time* days. And apparently if he's late one more time he's fired. Meanwhile. I have a steady job with income, I show up on all the days I work (even though some are going to be bloody inconvenient) I am looking for a second job. But either way it's not like I am not making ends meet. O-o

And OMG that fucking dog.

I'll be back to update this later.

SO my Livestream apparently is a hit. Which I love. :3 the reason why I attempted to do so was because I needed a much ... hmm...needed confidence booster. Though shortly after such I felt proud of my work my roommate makes a convenient habit of his of basically belittling me and making it seem like I don't know what I'm doing. Or making it seem like I don't put effort orrr...hard work into something. And that no matter what I set my mind to it's not gonna happen.

...

This sounds vaguely familiar. ._.

Anyway I decided that if I'm gonna go to school that I'm going to Major in Advertising and Graphic Design while minoring in Psychology. My two loves in one place. Because honestly? I think it's set in stone what I have wanted to do. It'll be hard work sure, but it'll be something I enjoy doing. And SURE maybe not all my stuff is professional (now) but the thing is a Majority of what I do is self taught, something I don't think my roommate comprehends very well at all.

My mother is coming up to see me on Tuesday :3

This is the same day my roommate has off work. ._. As it is I have yet to figure out how I'm getting home Monday...ish. >>; Karo has work. <.< So does my roommate. I could potentially walk home *thinks* It's about a 3 and half mile walk. So...I think I could handle it If I die people will know =P.

I should really be in bed right now.

But I'm paranoid as hell I'll over sleep ><'' I wish I had known from the get-go I didn't have work today from the beginning I would have slept a lot longer. But ah, we'll see. I am just crossing my fingers about this apartment. :/ if I don't get it I'm stuck moving back into my momma's. And while I know that it is a Possibility, it's not one I really REALLY want to do, I'm worried that high school bullshit between my stepfather and I will repeat itself and after witnessing how karo got kicked out it only made it that much worse to remind me.

Karo had asked me and a friend of ours to go with him to try help him speak with his parents (because he has a bad time phrasing what he wants to say) and that went...horrible. :/ And his father had the audacity to say the thing that was going on with Karo was exactly like the one that happened to me. Uh-huh sure. Karo's case is COMPLETELY different. So when they took his phone, car, bank account (Save for the savings) and everything I honestly was worried :/ I dunno what's gonna happen to be frank.

We have good friends who have arranged to get him a laptop and a phone. He's on his own for the Car and the Insurance and job hunting. Now he has to find a place to live (Since he had to do everything in one sitting) and apparently is going up to Chicago this weekend. :/ I'm not sure if I approve of a really REALLY spontaneous roadtrip but if the other guy's paying what am I to say anything eh? That's not a good idea? Meh.

I just hope I get this apartment. I really kinda need it at this point. Roommate keeps asking me when I'm moving out. Huh-what? You are the one who told me to get out at the end of April douchebag. :/ OH and the funny thing is the apartment complex decided that the car I had that had just been there for like...30 minutes got a Towing sticker on it. 30 FUCKING MINUTES! Pfft. Good thing it was cold out that bitch got tossed off faster than you can say Hot tomatoes =P. And apparently they don't check the Parking lots on this side of the apartments. so I shall just keep my car here if need be.

Apparently it's a good thing I got rid of the buick when I did though, apparently it needed $400 worth of work done to it o-o. That's never good. But at least his car runs. With it's...switches and all >.>;

I dunno I just keep having this vibe that Karo is doing exactly what I told him would happen. He is going to, eventually, stop talking to me. I'm not sure my Sanity could handle that quite yet. I have more things to worry about though. Like. Work. .-. I applied for a second job. Hopefully I get it which will bring in the Remaining balance I need to actually I dunno Afford the first months' rent since my job cheated me of hours this week, despite my request. Fuckers.

Ah well that's life though. Hopefully it will all work out. I hope my pep talk does well for me.

I don't know what's wrong with me today. It seemed like such a good day to start with but it all went to hell. :/

Onnen won't leave me the FUCK alone about a smex rp that I really REALLY am not in the mood for, To the point I'm so tempted to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone. But no that's not my personality -.-; So I just ignore him for now.

I miss Hahvy something fierce :/ She could always cheer me up. Then again after karo and I basically saying fuck you to each other it's not like I have much in the local friend department. I don't think he gets what he's got himself into. Even I didn't just do that. Ah well I told him something like this would happen and he just kept telling me it was a bunch of malarky. I'm not helping him with anything. Fuck it. He wanted my help before yet when I went to get help from him he made a big deal about the fact I called him twice (at the moment it had been important to me but I had calmed down by then) and then he basically was like "Don't call my phone then!" So I told him I won't.

And I haven't. And funnily enough it wasn't that hard either. Actually I should really just go recluse and forget it. :/ I can't get him financial help. So that is that. Ah well it is what it is. I tried to convince him to talk to his parents, but he just shut down. So that's up to him what he does now.

I think what really got me into this mood is the issue I have with people in general stereotyping every Plus-sized gothic girl they see. Fuck I am one, but people don't seem to get that into their head. I don't do things like this just because. I've been a part of the culture since High School, while it's altered a bit over the years it hasn't changed much in the way I delve into other things.

Mind you not many girls my size are willing to walk 4 miles in one stint either (I didn't have a ride last week so I walked home - from my job to my apartment going back roads is about 4 miles. Took me about 2 and a half hours to do so). I wasn't exactly tired after it, just wanted to wash up. Part of it is genetics, other parts have been my eating habits for the past...damn since middle school maybe? Or did it start in High School? I don't remember. :/ I do remember a majority of my high school I only ate a meal a day. Then when I moved in with my gram that all got fucked over -.-' She had no idea what sort of thing is with portion sizes. In fact I usually cut mine in half. However since I've been here, it's been more of a 'if I remember' to lately. I remember to at work if I have the money, but normally I don't...eat. It's not good for me - I know that. I'm trying to reregulate myself but that probably won't happen till I move into my new apartment.

Here's to hoping.

How do people not get it into their heads you're a 'plus sized gothic girl' when you describe yourself as such at nearly every opportunity? And what 'culture' are you talking about? I personally view 'gothic' as more of a trend than a culture.
Culture implies that you have a national origin and such, so unless you're talking about the goths who fought with the romans, yeah...not so very much. I hear loin cloths aren't making a comeback any time soon.
Eating one meal a day SLOWS your metabolism down, food for thought. And again, if you don't like your size, just go walk more, eat a salad..which is easy to make on a fixed budget if you have the motivation to do so instead of the normal junk food. I understand genetics and shit but still. Do less bellyaching and more walking or riding a bike or swimming instead of constantly going on about your size and shit.

Look, we know Journals are where you can go to let it all out. I think what Erato is saying in her rather blunt manner is that you can take steps to work on the issues you have. We're working on motivation, but there's only so much we can do from the internet. It's good you're looking to even out your eating, but any good weight-management plan is going to have to kick up the exercise and also feed in the right kind of fuel. So, yes, that is something you ought to be thinking about, habits you need to either break or get established. I'm sure you can do it, you just need to focus on it, and that's tough with distractions like you have. But it needs to be done.

And I think I get what you mean, talking about culture. They speak of "gamer culture," "rapper culture," "corporate culture," etc. as talking about subgroups and subcultures. I think technically the proper term might be "subculture," but in casual convo, yeah, "culture" tends to be simpler to state.

Nobody's trying to shut you down, Vega, dear, I think we're just trying to goose your caboose. Put some gas in your... no, that doesn't sound right. But you know what I mean.

There's a lot more to the Gothic subculture you aren't paying attention to. I wrote a Research paper about it in high school. A trend is typically designated by the clothes. There is also a type of 'thinking' style, different observational obsessions, music, etcetc. Gothic subculture came about during the 1970s during the grunge era of rock and roll in London.

And I knew it slowed down my metabolism - I stated earlier that I knew it was unhealthy.

It's not good for me - I know that. I'm trying to reregulate myself but that probably won't happen till I move into my new apartment.

Click to expand...

As it is I walk about 4-6 miles a week o.o and I seldom eat junk food, I normally have sandwiches OR salads. If I go out to eat I eat at Sweet Tomatoes {Which is a Soup and Salad bar kind of restaurant}, or if mom does take me out to eat I normally go for one of the healthier things on the menu, not just one of the cheapest ones. I don't drink soda very often, seeing as how I prefer tea anyway. (I really do like the elderberry tea at Sweet Tomatoes now. Numnum) I don't have a lot of caffeine in my system (If I do drink a soda it's usually Root Beer or Ginger Ale), I haven't eaten chocolate in like....2 months or so, let alone candy. I might have been over doing the mozzarella string cheese, but really I do watch what I eat. A lot of the recipes I have substitute meats from beef to turkey.

I mean I've lost 15 lbs since I started living here, it isn't like I'm not trying to loose the weight. I'm getting there it's just a slowish process if you want to loose the weight and keep it off.

It's not easy, I hear you. I've kicked up my activity the past year and a half or so with biking to work, but my calorie intake is still reasonably high. I even try and eat healthy, like you; self-prepared foods, plenty of salad, go really easy on the sweet stuff and junk. The trouble is making it a lifestyle change; that's the only thing that keeps the weight off. Not just limiting yourself until you lose the pounds, but changing the way you live so that you keep the weight away.

I'm glad you're doing it, and I know it's slow, but real change that lasts takes time. Keep it up, and take encouragement from what you've already done.

See, if you'd phrased it like that, I'm pretty sure there'd have been more congratulations and less attempts to kick your butt in gear.

Once summer hits, the weight will come off even more because I love LOVE swimming, I also do water aerobics about twice a week once the pools open. If you are trying to limit your calorie intake - substitute different healthy foods with even other healthy foods. Like...take... instead of Mashed Potatoes, make mashed cauliflower. Different texture but you can hardly tell the difference (at least I can't oO). Or even baked sweet potatoes. <3 The rule of thumb though is if you are going to stick to something perhaps make it so it's virtually the same through the week, or at least try to.

Seven Days and I will be living in a place by myself.

...

OMFG I will actually have my own place to live that is MY responsibility (not that the others weren't but...Financial restraints are all on me). I already had mostly everything budgeted, I put in some more applications out for nights and over night shifts. (Borders, Walgreens, etcetc). I found out that the File Maintenance manager enlists my last Saturday of every month for her price tagging EXTRAVAGANZA. >.>;

And apparently my mom has taken this as an opportune time for...uh. shopping ; However the aspect of having to borrow more money from my rents is daunting. But I will make it a point to be remedied easily enough. I'm hoping to only have to borrow a little bit that I can pay back within a two week time frame. I already figured out that 99% of the time I get paid...the same day Rent needs to be done. So I'm not...super worried. I just have to make sure I have everything in order.

What I really REALLY need to know is how long it will take to process checks at my apartment complex. Does it go in on the same day or does it process a few days after? If I have that few days after I might have that leeway I need to stay on top of things completely. That and I need to bug Allstate. ._. I might have to raise some hell for discourteous yesh. I swear if they charged me all hell will break loose and I might have to kill some folks. Actually I might do that first thing.

My mother think I have the best financial sense in the family. AHHAHA ._. Then again I think I saw the ugly side of things for those who spend too much money. ...and omg did that feel good. Sorry random back cracking moment xD

Today has been a long day, not in a necessarily 'bad' way, but more of a...kind of self realization day? I am guessing that's the best way to phrase it. I'm not exactly loosing sight over what is going on. But I am certainly seeing things from an entirely different perspective. A perspective, which, fuels my newfound knowledge.

I'm happy. Ridiculously so. Not quite the lovey-dovey kind. But more of the fact the entire situation that has been going the past week has been like a dream. I'm not stressed, not nearly as much. I'm looking forward more and more to my move in date. I don't have to be so...tressed that nobody is going to e making it impossible for me to live there.

Since I heard the news I got the apartment I found...a sense of calm I had been looking for. I don't need people to be happy or need to rely on people nearly as much. Or maybe it was the fact my mom gave me that finally block that had been stopping me for so long to actually achieve what it was I was getting into. While I know money is gonna be tightish I'm not exactly so worried about it. I'm an extremely good person when it comes to budgeting. Hell I could come to B&N if I get really pushed far enough. I have a goal I'm going to attempt to achieve. I'll have the means to get myself together.

This is was the last piece to get myself together. I got accepted back into college for the fall. It may be just a class or two but it's SOMETHING that will slowly work towards my major. Which is what had really bothered me. After my roommate and all the drama going on basically crushed my self-esteem this is what I needed to jumpstart it again. I'm not exactly worthless at all I just needed a nudge to get me to think. Thinking is the gift we all have and we can use it, or just waste others advice.

>>

It was kinda ironic though - the apartment complex I'm going to be staying at...always had a 'calling' to me.

HEY THAT REMINDS ME I GET $100 from Rent.com. SAWEET! More moneh! Be good for June Can use it for Groceries for a few months =P I forgot all about that till now. HAH. I see that in about 4-5 weeks. :3 ON top of that, my mom's friend is letting me go work at her Real Estate place. It may only be 4 hours a week, but at $10 an hour it's two tanks a gas for me. (yes my car gets that good of gas mileage funnily enough. 37 mpg. :3).

I've been so excited about my move that I kinda have...just relaxed o.o. even the BS with Allstate doesn't bother me so much anymore. I kinda lulz actually at the fact I now have 15% off my car insurance AND my renter's insurance. to the point it's only $56 for a year. xD!!! A little over $4 a month. There is no telling what my car insurance bill is o.o; I should look into that.

...

I still feel giddy. o.o So freee <3 I guess I never realized how stressed I really was till I felt all the relief...

This is a first - I'm updating BM from my cell phone to give you guys an idea of what's been going on.

I moved into my apartment friday with little hassle - only one of my friends actually showed up to help me move <ironically the same one who gave me the Honda>. at first I had no hot water, but that was soon fixed by looking at the circuitbreaker. the only problems I've had were electrnically based - the big burner on my stove doesn't work nor does the light above the sink. o.o'

I've really calmed down since I moved in. it's like the world righted itself and I'm where I'm supposed to be. Unfortunately Im one building too far to leech interwebs from the clubhouse.

So someone told me earlier this week that I was uncreative and lacked intelligence to make a decent plot/rp. Simply because I gave only a general idea about my premade characters. That...irritates me. I told my friend (who has been editing the stories I wrote YEARS ago...that the first chapter alone goes to 14 pages...once edited of course. >>) Back then I was a heavy duty rper. Now I've gotten better, a lot better than I did at 15-16. My older rp friends agree. It's just that I like developing an idea for plot between two people rather than just...saying THIS is what I want, don't like it TOUGH SHIT.

Mind you my creative process makes it want to believe that whatever imaginary location I have created actually exists and can be at least for the rp. I've read too many books to really dissuade that belief. So WHAT if IRL it's batshit crazy - we rp/read/watch movies to ESCAPE IRL and delve into a world that may or may not exist.