Surviving in Shadows [Saria & CharlotteV]

Lucas blinked and tightened his arm around Max. What the hell? He glanced at his brother and continued walking, waiting to see if he'd explain, because he damn well knew he'd have to eventually. It wasn't like he'd let it go, and Max wasn't getting away any time soon.

"You don't want to talk about it," he said, repeating the words with a touch of a growl back in his voice. He bit his tongue to keep from saying something like 'Oh well that changes everything' or 'That's okay you just told me whatever you want to say is bad enough you think I could hate you for it, we can pretend you didn't'. "Tough," he said instead. "Now or later, I don't care when, but you're not going to sleep tonight without talking about it."

He sighed softly and leaned into Max. "I promise not to get angry or... whatever."

Max didn't really have much of a rebellious streak. He figured in a normal life he probably would have, because it was kind of in his personality, but with the way the world actually was...he just kind of always did what Lucas asked of him. It usually kept them alive and...they were it for each other. If Max ever really disagreed with something, they'd talk through their options, but for the most part...

That didn't stop him from being a moody teenager though. So for awhile they walked and Max glared at the dirt under his feet, refusing to accept the comfort of Lucas leaning on him...regardless of if his brother was doing that for himself or because he knew Max needed it. He couldn't keep up the act for long though. He didn't have it in him, not with how tired he was. So when they'd been walking for awhile, and his legs were burning, he finally muttered that they should take a break. Which put them both siting on the ground, digging for water and maybe a little more food.

At some point Max ended up with his knees drawn to his chest, arms folded over them, chin resting there, staring off at the sky that was slowly getting darker. "Sometimes," he muttered. "I get these feelings that scare me. Not because they're dark or because they have anything to do with magic. Just...I get this...sometimes I think that I...that I care in a way that I'm not supposed to..."

It was so hard to say. It was so hard to voice out loud. Max closed his eyes tight, took a deep breath. "I'm so scared you'll hate me."

Lucas didn't push for Max to talk. He needed his energy for walking and he supposed his brother needed time to think which was rare enough as it was.

Once they stopped to rest, he collapsed against a tree and slumped back against it. He doubted he'd be able to move again until they slept, the thought of walking again made him cringe. He sipped at his bottle of water and poked through his pack. Neither of them were in a state to build a fire yet so he pulled out a sleeve of crackers that were likely stale and ate a few, watching Max.

"I won't hate you, Max. No matter what you say or do, you'll always be my brother." Max could probably kill someone right in front of him, and while things would be tense for a while and he'd end up tying Max up for a while... he'd still love his messed up little brother. "What do you mean by not supposed to..?"

Max sighed and moved one of his hands to run up through his hair, looked anywhere but at Lucas because...it was just too hard. He hadn't even said the words out loud to himself yet...much less anywhere Lucas could actually hear him.

He sat his forehead down on his knee and thought...best case senario, he'd just lose the physical things. Hugs and arms around his shoulders and hands he got to hold on occasion. Kisses pressed to his forehead and wounds taken care of. Getting to sleep with Lucas right next to him when the dreams were too bad and he wasn't sure if he'd wake up himself or not. At the end of the day...he could stand losing that if it meant Lucas stayed with him. If it meant...he just...had to be the way they were supposed to be. Normal.

"Sometimes," he muttered, just loud enough to be heard. "Sometimes...it's not like what brothers are supposed to be. It's...it's more. It's...it's...if we weren't related I'd...I'd want and um...I'd want to, you know, be with you." It wasn't right. It wasn't enough. It was just serious enough Lucas could take it the way Max meant for it to be taken, or he could completely miss it and Max could...faint from exhaustion and claim amnesia when Lucas roused him. Get out of the whole fucking conversation. "I want to anyway."

Lucas opened his mouth to ask what he meant by <i>be</i> with him, but closed it as it hit him hard enough to take his breath away. He couldn't mean... that. He couldn't respond to that. His voice wouldn't work and he couldn't breathe. He'd done something wrong, had to have influenced Max somehow over the years, insinuated that he wanted him... something. Max couldn't have just grown up wanting him on his own. It was his fault. He hadn't given him enough skin mags or... tried hard enough to find somewhere with kids his age. Maybe if he'd just found a nice girl - but he wasn't a girl and Max wanted him...

"You're gay?" he asked before he could stop himself, sounding breathless from still trying to recover from the shock. "And... you want to be with... me..." He couldn't quite process it. He knew it was wrong on some level, but the world was fucked already. Right and wrong were for the old world.

Max winced the moment 'gay' left his brothers mouth. Honestly, he really should have started there. Sometimes he just...didn't completely think about it. He avoided pronouns like no ones business on the few rare occasions that they actually talked about that kind of shit, but Lucas didn't. Lucas always talked about girls. Girls for Max, girls in general. In fact, though the memories were vague, he could almost recall Lucas with girls. Which was great. Just throw gay on top of...everything else. Make things more awkward.

"Um, yeah, I'm like...ninety percent sure I'm gay? I mean, girls are pretty, but uh...one time, a few years back, I found a FiremansChristmas Calendar under a bed in one of the houses we were looting and um...yeah that did it for me a lot better than Busty Asians ever did. And I highly doubt it was an ethnicity issue." Race joke. Good job, Maxwell.

He sighed and moved both hands behind his head, knotting his fingers against the back of his neck. "And uh...yeah...sometimes...I just kinda...I know it's fucked up. I'm sorry."

For running everything. For being a mess. For...everything that would never be the same. "Told you I didn't want to talk about it."

Lucas fell silent again and tried to wrap his head around it all. He'd always been focused on girls because everywhere they went it seemed like humanity was dying out and if it was going to survive, become what it once was again, they needed to have offspring. And maybe he'd been scared to admit that he preferred males, because hell, it would have made things awkward between them long before now if that ever came out, right?

This was one hell of a mess and he didn't know where to go from here. Max was obviously worried he'd be hated, and as much as he had contemplated... being with Max, it wasn't... right. Right? He didn't want to take advantage of his brother even though he knew if they weren't both worn out from the shit of the day, he'd probably already be scheming a way to seduce him. Just to see if he was really serious about it.

"Max." He took a long drink of his water before looking at his brother. "I'm too tired to move. Get over here so I can smack you."

Lucas was so quiet. For some reason Max wasn't really expecting that. The air around them was even still. No anger, no disgust, just....silence. It even took him a moment to realize he was beginning to miss Kitheil's presence. Not that he'd really want the wolf around for a conversation like the one they were having just...it was odd not having him around. Not having someone else he could deflect his attention onto.

The silence was odd too. Max wasn't sure what he wanted. Yelling? Sarcasm? Something. He hadn't really expected...this. Granted, they were both pretty tired and...Max had dropped a fairly large bomb. He wondered maybe if his brother was waiting for him to start laughing, to declare he was kidding and 'wow you should see your face!' But he wasn't. No, Max had never been more serious in his life.

When Lucas finally did speak Max quirked a bit of a smile as he moved forward, crawling over in front of his brother. He kept a little distance between them, head bowed and attention on his boots. "So...you don't hate me then?"

"I'll never hate you," Lucas said with a growl, reaching over to bury his fingers in Max's hair and muss it, a bit more roughly than he usually would. He slumped back against the tree and sighed. What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn't very well... admit to thinking that way himself. Could he? He didn't want things to change, but he didn't want Max... pulling away from him either.

"You don't... think it's just because you don't know anyone else that well?" he asked, his voice soft. He couldn't believe they were actually talking about this.

There was an odd about of reeling that fell on Max the moment Lucas said the word never. Present tense. The fingers in his hair almost felt better than they ever had before, even if they were a little rough. He even smiled, despite everything. He wasn't an idiot...something was going to change between them. There was no way they could both walk away from a conversation like that without it changing. But maybe...without that secret weighing on his heart...things would be better.

The next question threw him off a little, and Max chewed on his bottom lip while he thought. "No," he admitted softly. "I mean...you have a point...I don't know anyone else that well...and, uh, I don't think anyone will ever know me as well as you do but...I mean...there's layers to it. It's not just...it's not just, like, emotional or not just...physical. Uhm, but, so...no."

Lucas nodded faintly, his fingers shifting into a caress of Max's hair as he absently played with the strands. "I don't... want to... corrupt you," he said. Those weren't exactly the words he was looking for, but they were the best he could find at the moment. He rested his arm around Max's shoulders, squeezing them with a sigh. "You're a pain in my ass, little brother," he grumbled. "I guess there's little point in keeping it to myself if we're keeping the truth wagon going..."

He cleared his throat and stubbornly refused to remove his arm from Max. "I... might feel the same way..."

Max arched his eyebrows slowly as his brother started talking, the words not really making complete sense at the moment. He rolled his eyes over the 'pain in my ads' comment because really...they both knew that. But little brother still made his stomach flip. Still made him think that surely something was wrong with him. Because no normal person would find that enticing right? He was about to open his mouth, spit out something sarcastic to cover up those feelings, shove Lucas' arm off his shoulders. But then his brother was clearing his throat, speaking again, and Max...froze.

"You..." He swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes wide. "You better not be fucking with me right now, Lucas. It's not funny."

Lucas snorted, glad he could still fuck with Max's head a bit. "It's not funny. And I'm not fucking with you, Max." He shook his head and glanced at Max, hesitating a moment before brushing his fingers against his brother's cheek. He'd touched Max before, seen him naked, changed his diapers even when he was still a tot, but this... was different. He was finally seeing Max how he'd tried so hard to ignore seeing him.

Hair that needed a trim, falling into the bright eyes; the lips that could pout something fierce when Max actually tried. He wasn't a little kid anymore. They'd both grown up far too quickly, but Max had grown into a young man without him noticing, at least not until recently.

"I wouldn't joke about something like this..."

They'd always been close. It wasn't like they'd had much of a choice, the way they'd grown up, closeness just kind of...came with the territory. So Max was used to being touched by them. Fingers in his hair, hands working out knots in his shoulders, arms around him. He'd held his hand and slept cuddled up next to him and been kissed on the forehead. But...something about the brush against his cheek felt different. Made him want to close his eyes and lean into it.

Lucas admitting that he wasn't joking...that he wouldn't...was both relieving and terrifying as hell. Part of him wanted to jump at it. To be thankful the feelings weren't just one way...to demanded more touches and fuck maybe even a kiss. To want to hold his hand and be with him all the time. But the other part...the other part was new and nervous and...Max had never been a fan of change, even good change. Which was hell given their environment.

"Okay," he murmured. Voice dry, that scratchy, he even sounded unsure. Surprised. "Okay that's...that's cool."

Lucas let his hand fall back to Max's shoulder and he stretched his legs out with a soft groan, part of him actually relieved that Max didn't... pounce on the opportunity for... something. "Well, now that that's out in the open..." He glanced around and prayed they were safe here, at least for a few hours. "How about a nap?" He tugged his knife free and gripped it, letting his hand rest beside him. He just hoped Kithiel was back with them when they woke up. Sleeping outside wasn't new to them, but usually they had more time to prepare a camp.

Max nodded a little bit, then faster, then pulled himself up off the ground to do a perimeter check. He had more energy than Lucas, even if he was still exhausted. He still couldn't feel that familiar buzz of magic under his skin though, and oddly enough that was making him uncomfortable...he felt like he was left bare without it. That or releasing his deepest, darkest secret and ripped his soul apart. One of the two.

The area looked fairly safe, the underbrush disturbed by only animal tracks. Animals could be dangerous sometimes too, but it was pretty rare to run into anything big. Still, the lack of human evidence put him a little at ease. He'd deal with an animal over magic any day, no contest.

After he made sure everything looked fine, Max hesitated for a moment. Usually he and his brother kept their distance from each other, but...well, with everything, he kind of wanted to be close. So he walked back over to Lucas slowly, sat down by his side, and cuddled up without a word. "It's not going to get weird, is it?"

Lucas forced his eyes to stay open long enough to watch Max check the perimeter though they were drooping by the time his brother was against his side again. He snorted quietly at the question and shifted to rest his head on Max's shoulder. "Maybe," he murmured. "Try not to let it..." He drifted asleep as exhaustion took over, slipping deep enough into sleep he didn't have dreams.

His fingers found Max's at some point, gripping them almost as tightly as he did the dagger as he slept.

Max should have seen the nightmares coming. What with the day they'd had and how tired he was. He was in some in between state...too exhausted to stay awake, but likewise too exhausted to fight off the dreams. Or were they even really dreams? Hadn't Kithiel said something about switching realms? He wasn't sure. He was too tired. But he felt Lucas' fingers wrap around his, so he just...held on.

The world developed slowly, first the cobblestone under his feet, then the lawns, then the houses. Max simply stood as he watched it happen, as everything came into focus...at least, as much focus as it ever came in to. The shadows stayed, as ever giving the place that feeling that it wasn't ever...solid. It wasn't ever real. They were different here than the shadows Kithiel always seemed to be surrounded in. Thinner but...like if he fell into them he'd never be able to get back out.

Max heaved a sigh and sat down slowly, uncomfortably on the rocks below him. In the house at the end of the lane there were couches but...he doubted he could get that close without getting himself into trouble. So he was going to sit his ass down and wait it out. Just like had last time.

Except it didn't really seem to be an option this time around. The whispers started softly, so silent he could have brushed it off as an overly paranoid imagination, but then they picked up...coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Maxwell. He shook his head slowly, drew his knees up to his chest. He was fine. Maxwell...come play with me.

"No," he whispered. He'd never really thought about how creepy kids were. It wasn't like he'd ever actually been around them before, but now...with that voice in his ears...he could have a nightmare about that alone.

For awhile, it was quiet. Max felt like he had won...maybe. But then there was a red ball, stark in color against everything else, rolling his way. It stopped mere feet in front of him, close enough he could reach it if he just leaned forward far enough. He drew his eyes up slowly, and for some reason...he wasn't surprised to see the little boy standing there. His head was bowed, dark black whispy hair covering his eyes, wearing some kind of thick black cape where only his hands and feet were showing, talons hanging off the clock and dragging on the ground. His feet were tiny, toenails black and too long, hands balled into small fists. Play with me.

"No," Max answered. The voice was louder now, still childlike, but he could hear something underneath it. Something deeper, darker. Like two different people were talking at the same time.

You know you want to. You like it, Maxwell. You like the feeling of being strong. You like the power. It feels like pleasure, doesn't it?

Max did like it, that was the problem. That had always been the problem. He just happened to like his brother more. "Nope. Not at all. Don't know what you're talking about."

The kid looked up then, and for the first time Max saw his face...or, well, lack there of. There was no mouth. No nose. Just eyes. Large, purple, eyes that seemed to...see right through him. The anxiety slammed against his chest, heavy and hard, and he was sure if he hadn't already been sitting down it would have knocked him off his feet. In seconds all the feelings that usually came with his nightmares were at full speed. Wrong. Bad. Run. Get out. Now.

He swallowed slowly as the kid just continued to stare at him, like he was seeing too much. Seeing parts of him that Max didn't want to show. "Go away," he said slowly. "Leave me alone."

You need a tether, Maxwell, you'll go insane without one.

"Pretty sure I'll go just as crazy if it's you," Max shot back. The answer, however, was clearly not appreciated. The cloak the boy was wearing shifted and then unfurled. It wasn't a cloak at all...they were wings. Six foot long, pristine, leathery black wings. Then the thing lunched at him. Hands gripped over his shoulders, sharp talons digging into his skin. He was sure there were words, but he couldn't hear them over his screaming.

And then he was waking up, drenched in sweat, his hand gripping Lucas' so tight he could feel bones. But he hadn't even shifted in his sleep...he was in the same spot as he had been. He was okay.

Lucas grunted softly in his sleep as the pain in his hand drew him awake. He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, but the shadows were longer and the last of the sunlight was fading fast. He grimaced at the disorientation and dry mouth as he woke further, glancing around and finally focusing on what had woken him. He was about to shake Max awake when his brother woke on his own and he was immediately sitting up and wrapping his arm around Max. He knew that look. The one that was more than just the bad dream, the one that meant something new had happened. Even if they'd rarely talked about the dreams before, he knew when they were worse than usual, and he wasn't about to ignore it now.

"Max," he murmured. "What happened?" He glanced around for any signs of Kithiel, gritting his teeth in irritation and concern alike. Of all the times they could have used his presence and knowledge... of course it would be his fault the wolf wasn't there and could very well be dying somewhere.

Max took a a shuddering deep breath the moment arms went around him, and the way his lungs filled made him think that he probably hadn't been taking in any air for awhile. That was a scary new development. So for a moment he just clung to his brother, let himself feel safe in his hold, and calmed himself down. He was fine, he was okay, although his shoulders kind of ached...he barely remembered the...thing grabbing him but...yeah, yeah that had happened.

"Um," Max mumbled, swallowing back the tremor in his voice as he tried to answer Lucas' question. He didn't want to. He wanted to go back to when the dreams were just bad dreams and they didn't talk about them because they were men or whatever. But he knew that was a dangerous path, so he forced himself to get it out. "Um...i-it...the kid in my dreams...he apparently decided that, um, if I wasn't going to go find him...he'd go to me. I...I saw his face...but he didn't actually....just eyes. Really unnerving eyes. And wings...black...like, um, a bat..." Or a dragon. "It just..." He shivered a little, cuddled up some more. "Everything's so...wrong there."

When the nightmares had first started, Max hadn't talked about them because he'd been...embarrassed. They weren't actually scary. Nothing truly frightening ever happened in them. Hell, real life was pretty much worse than the stupid little world he got trapped in when he closed his eyes. He'd just...never been able to explain that feeling. That just...intense need to run. Get away. It wasn't safe there...it wasn't...it just wasn't okay.

Lucas rubbed at Max's back and wished he'd been the one to have something like that after him instead of his brother. Max should have had Kithiel, at least the wolf wasn't... creepy, once you got past the talking part. A bat-winged, half-faced kid sounded... beyond terrifying. He'd take a semi-docile wolf any day. He continued rubbing at Max's back and arm. "Did he get a hold of you?" he asked, a growl in his voice. He wasn't about to let anything lay claim to his brother. He'd rip the tether or anchor or whatever in half to make sure nothing evil dragged Max any further off the reservation.

Max went to say no, but then the last part of the dream hit him just hard as the anxiety usually did. He remembered being grabbed. He remembered being yelled at.

He sat up, dislodging himself from Lucas' hold, and pulled his jacket off, followed by his shirt. Nothing was ripped, but...the effects were on his arms, over his biceps, four large marks and one pinprick on the softer part. They weren't split open, no blood, but the skin was raised and violent red, each one about an inch thick.

Max swallowed slowly, reached out with shaking hand to draw his fingertips over them. It felt like touching a hot wire. Painful in a shocking kind of way, sending a vibrating feeling all the way up his arm and through his body. Stirring the magic that had laid dormant after how much he'd used. His eyes flashed, the normally jade green pulsing deep purple from the purple to the iris, just one before he jerked his hand back.

"Lucas..."

Lucas tensed as Max pulled away from him, part of him wanting to pull him back and ignore whatever was making Max so upset. They were so far past being able to ignore anything anymore... He curled his fingers into fists in the grass and stared at the marks on his brother's arms. "Max..." He started to reach for one of the marks before stopping himself, gritting his teeth as the desire to kill whatever had dared touch his brother like that started a fire in his gut. Exhaustion still had him feeling sluggish, but he pushed himself to his knees and reached out to put his hands on his brother's shoulders, trying to avoid the marks by more than an inch.

"Max. You're okay. I'm not letting anything happen to you." Panic and worry slammed against his calm and he desperately wished Kithiel was there to tell them Max was fine. That he wasn't... claimed or tethered to something that would try to kill them or worse. He glanced around, clenching his teeth as he swore there was something watching them, but maybe he was just being paranoid.

Max looked up at his brother the moment hands were on his shoulders. The touch centered him somehow, drew out the panic that was starting up inside of him. He nodded slowly as he listened to the words his brother was saying. He was okay. Nothing was going to hurt him. He was okay, nothing was going to hurt him. Lucas wouldn't let it. Lucas would take care of him. He always had.

"Lucas," Max started, and he was trying to stay calm, god, was he trying. "Lucas...Kithiel is going to hate me." The wolf already wasn't a member of his fan club...and that was when he'd just thought Max was unhinged and perhaps a bit bratty. Now what? Was he marked? Claimed? Tethered? Did that make him more powerful, or more unstable? What about...what about that thing, would it be able to cross realms like the wolf had?

Lucas had already glanced around the perimeter, but now Max was, moving closer to his brother off instinct if nothing else. He could feel his magic buzzing under his skin, waking after so long put down, and he wanted to use it. He wanted to use it to protect them. To disappear from the world. But he didn't dare.

Lucas wrapped his arms around Max with a soft growl. He'd deal with Kithiel. The wolf wasn't going to lay a paw on his brother either, even if it meant losing the wolf and whatever consequences came with that. "He's not going to hate you." Even if he did, he was sure the wolf understood he better keep his mouth shut. He tensed as he sensed... something like a shift in the world around them, like when he'd opened the veil and got them out of a mess and into another.

Kithiel did what he could to keep others off, killing one, injuring three others, though he paid the price for it. By the time he slipped through the veil near where he sensed Lucas, his fur was slicked with blood and he was limping from a large gash on his front left leg. He spotted their camp and put up a shield around it, weak, but it should suffice for the time being. He collapsed near the remains of the fire, soaking up the warmth before he smelled it. The dark taint he'd caught a whiff of when he first got close to them, to Max. He bared his teeth at them with a weak growl. What... did you do now?

Lucas stared at the wolf and his injuries, noting how weak he was. "Kithiel... Nothing. We're fine." Other than all of them being easy targets if anyone or... anything came along that wanted to kill them.