Surviving in Shadows [Saria & CharlotteV]

Not walking didn't seem like something Max wanted to do. He wanted to keep moving, run maybe, get out. His heart rate was starting to pick up, a cold sweat was breaking on the back of his neck, the general feeling of wrongness was crawling up his spine. It wasn't the same one he got in his dreams, but it was damn near close.

Maxwell. The voice was in his head, he knew it was in his head, but still he snapped around like he could find it. One of his hands reached up to wrap around Lucas' wrist, like he didn't trust his brother to keep ahold of him while he searched for the voice. Maxwell...come home...you know the way.

"No I don't," he whispered, having no idea whatsoever that he'd actually said it out loud. "Leave me alone..." Something touched at his back again and Max instinctively moved closer to Lucas, snapping his head around again to try and see whatever it was. But all he could see were shadows...which were probably scarier than faces.

Max could feel Lucas' own panic and he twisted so he could push his face into his brother's chest, ignore whatever it was that was heading for them, and he'd never been so damned scared in his life. Completely useless. Frozen.

Until nothing happened. He peaked out a little bit to see Kithiel, relief flooding his body.

Kithiel barreled towards them with a snarling growl. The veil was weak here, but he forced a shadowy doorway open beside them with the last of his magical reserves as he slammed into them to force them through before it closed.

Lucas nearly lost his grip on Max though managed to keep hold of his brother until he hit the ground hard enough to lose his grip and his breath, then again when a heavy wolf landed on his chest.

Kithiel bared his teeth and snapped at Lucas' neck, his fur matted and glistening with blood. Don't ever open a veil again. You could have been killed. Or worse. He snarled and looked towards Max as if expecting him to... not be Max.

"I didn't..." he started to say, trailing off and collapsing against the ground. Didn't what? Think? Of course he hadn't. They'd been about to die.

Max felt like he was floating. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Kithiel literally ran into them, knew that they hit the ground, knew that he rolled off a bit just like the last fucking time. But he didn't really feel any of it. He was too lost, like his grip on reality had lessened and hell, he did not like that feeling.

He rolled up onto his knees easily, shooting a look around them. Forest, still. Land, green, colors, no shadows. Yes shadows, cast by the trees. Were they moving? Didn't look like it. Were the safe? Possibly.

Max's head felt like it was spinning. He was going to throw up.

Where was he? Maxwell.... Max shook his head, quickly. He was imagining it, it wasn't real. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.

The ground was real. It was under his hands. The grass and the dirt. He could stick his fingers into it and feel it. If he closed his eyes, he could feel the tether showing him were Lucas was, and he focused on that for a moment, until it felt more real than the spinning in his head.

He sighed as the tension sank out of his body, as he began to feel more anchored, as the real world came back.

He was okay.

Kithiel growled low in his throat, scanning the area around them when he felt something still grasping for Max. He reached for the portal again and made sure it was closed, the veil cut off from them. You take your brother through there again and he may not come back to you, he said on a tight link to Lucas alone.

Lucas felt like the world dropped away from beneath him and he sat up, crawling toward his brother when he found he didn't have the strength to stand. "Max...? You okay?" he asked, reaching to grasp Max's hand again and wincing as he saw how pale he was. "Shit. Max, I'm sorry... I acted without thinking." He shuddered as a wave of weakness washed through him and gave up trying to sit up. He lay on his side next to Max and focused on catching his breath. "Are we safe here at least?"

Kithiel paced in a circle around them, scent marking the area since he didn't have enough energy left to properly ward it. For a while.

Max nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Lucas' voice. After all the convincing he'd given himself to make things feel real, that almost felt too real. Too loud, too there. The touch made him jump again, but his fingers instinctively wrapped around his brothers and he nodded a little. "I'm okay," he answered. His voice didn't even give away how shaken he felt. "We're alive, right?"

Lucas was exhausted, it was written all over his face and how he couldn't even stand, or hold himself up given by the way he eventually laid down. Max repositions himself to sit, crossing his legs, then ran his fingers through the older males hair. It was done a little absentmindedly, like he just needed to touch something. To ground himself. His hand was shaking slightly, but he was okay.

Once he started thinking about, he felt tired himself. His body was warn, he had very little energy, and he couldn't pull at his magic when he tried, just for a moment. There was a numb feeling, for a second, as if reminding him it was there he just...couldn't use it. His palms were healed though. There were faint scars left over from his newest injuries, but no open wounds.

Weird.

He drew his gaze up to the wolf, blinked for a moment and tried to refocus. "Am I seeing things, or are you red?" No. Not red. Covered in blood. His brow met together as he tried to figure out why, but then he remembered what had gotten them here to begin with, and he shook his head a little bit. "Never mind. Don't...I figured it out."

Lucas closed his eyes and hoped they were safe for a while because he doubted he'd be moving anytime soon. His insides felt like mush and he was sure he'd be aching within an hour. "Think I'm alive... for now," he said with a weak smile.

Kithiel slanted a look towards the two, ignoring Max for the moment and grimacing at the feel of blood drying in his fur. It'd take days to clean it completely. He couldn't quite keep his fury at bay and his thoughts slipped towards them. Idiots... Could have been killed. Told him it was dangerous. Stupid, idiot humans...

"We can hear you," Lucas grumbled, cracking an eye open to eye the wolf and deciding to keep his mouth shut when he found himself with a face full of glowing eyes and gleaming teeth.

You both should be dead right now.

"We should have both died a long time ago," Max pointed out, laying a gentle palm against Kithiel's muzzle before pushing him away ever so slightly. Then he climbed unsteadily to his feet and ran his shaking hands through his hair. He was starving, and could use some water, so he figured Lucas could to. "Chill."

He looked around the area they'd landed it. It was still forest, and from the looks of it no one had crossed here in awhile. He had no idea where they were, what direction they'd gone in, any of that. But it seemed safe. His nerves were still on end but it wasn't like when people were following them or anything.

He undid the straps around his bag that went across his torso, suddenly thankful for them otherwise he definitely would have lost it somewhere during all the falling abound he did. He let it slide off his shoulders before he dug his water bottle out, chugging about half of it before leaning over to offer it to Lucas.

Kithiel glared at Max and was sorely tempted to bite his fingers right then, but he stepped back, all but collapsing to the ground across from them. Chill. Right. Now they wanted to chill. Humans. A quiet, continuous growl emanated from him as he closed his eyes, ears twitching and flicking as he kept on alert.

Lucas took the water and moaned as he took several deep swallows. "Thanks." He rested the bottle on his forehead and waited for Max to sit again before putting his head back in his brother's lap. He hated feeling... weak, but he was smart enough to know when he was beat. "Fuck," he breathed under his breath. "Sorry..." He should have known better. Should have listened to the wolf now that they had some sort of guide. That'd been beyond stupid, especially out here. "Sorry," he said again, and again, not quite able to help himself.

Max rolled his eyes slightly at the growl, but he understood where Kithiel was coming from. They'd been warned, practically begged, and then nearly died for their mistakes. Really, Kithiel deserved the right to be angry with them. That didn't mean Max wasn't too tired to deal with it.

Not that it mattered, Lucas pretty much had his attention anyway. His hands immediately went to his brother's hair, fingers stroking soothingly through the strands even if he was still a little shaky. He let Lucas get through a few apologies before shaking his head. "We're fine, Luke. Everything's fine."

They probably needed some food, but it just seemed like too much trouble to grab his bag and dig through it, even though he knew he had a can of peanuts in there somewhere for easy eating. So instead he just focused on his brother. Reveling in the fact that he was real and alive. And they were fine.

Lucas sighed softly and didn't even notice the effect Max's fingers in his hair had on him. He shut his trap and took several deep breaths, holding it in before letting it out in a slow exhale. The weight that had been on his shoulders eased and he felt some of his strength returning. He reached up and grasped his brother's fingers. "How are you feeling? We shouldn't stay long." He wanted nothing more than to stay there and make camp for a week, but who knew if something would be able to follow them over?

Kithiel continued glaring at Max and Lucas both, unable to keep his tail from thumping against the ground. Finally some wise words, he grumbled.

Max was rubbing his thumb over his brother's hand before he even realized what he was doing. It was like some kind of instinct to be soothing. The moment Lucas grabbed his fingers he just kind of...defaulted. He frowned down at the action and made himself stop because it wasn't like they were holding hands or anything and he really needed to get his act together.

He sighed at the question but shrugged a little. He knew Lucas was right. They weren't completely sure where they were and...there was probably a good chance places that had opened veils gave off magical beacons or something. He couldn't be sure of that, obviously, but it sounded like a thing.

"Stop being such a sourpuss," he muttered in Kithiel's direction. But, again, the wolf really had all the right. "I'm fine," he added after a moment. "Tired. A little weak. But I can handle walking for awhile." He'd probably pass out the moment they stopped but whatever. He was a big boy. He could do it.

Lucas nodded faintly and reluctantly released Max's hand, managing to sit up with effort. "We should go, at least get an hour away from here... Where are we?" He glanced at Kithiel, ignoring the wolfs irritation. He may have fucked up, but it likely wouldn't change the fact he'd do it again at some point. He would just be more careful. And hope he had... control over his magic powers by then.

Kithiel twitched and glared at Lucas a moment longer before heaving a sigh. He couldn't fault the human for following his instincts, even if he had been stupid beyond belief. They were alive. For now. That was all that mattered. He stood and moved closer to them, using some of what was left of his energy to renew theirs. It wasn't much, but it should be enough to get them a safe distance away from here.

Head east. You should reach the sanctuary within a few days if you move at a steady pace.

Lucas blinked as some of the ache faded. "What do you mean we should? You're coming."

Kithiel shook himself and released the minor shielding around the camp. I'll meet up with you tomorrow. I'll make sure nothing follows from the other side. He turned towards where the veil had appeared, coaxing it open with the last of his powers and stepping through.

"Wait!" Lucas hissed as the wolf...vanished, cursing before taking a few breaths. "Let's go," he said, getting to his feet and grabbing one of their bags.

Max felt warm for a moment, a buzz starting up that he usually associated with magic but it didn't feel quite the same...and that was when he realized what Kithiel was doing. Transferring energy, most likely, because when the feeling faded he was...better. More alert. The idea of the walk ahead of them wasn't making him want to curl up into a ball and cry. Well, that was a little bit dramatic, but still.

The wolf's departure was one he didn't see coming, and for a moment he blinked at the spot where Kithiel had disappeared, a bit confused. He still wasn't the biggest fan of their newest companion but he felt...oddly exposed without him there. And, at the same time, a bit safer knowing the wolf was keeping them safe from - legit - other realms.

He looked up when Lucas spoke and nodded before climbing to his feet, grabbing his bag off the ground. He took the chance to dig through for his bottle of peanuts at that point, undoing the top while they started walking. He held it out to his brother after grabbing a handful.

Lucas glanced to where Kithiel had vanished once again before forcing himself to turn and walk away. He took the peanuts and poured a mouthful into his mouth. He felt an itch at the back of his neck and shifted closer to Max, reassuring himself they were both... safe, even though they likely weren't. He had to wonder if they ever had been. He managed to walk long enough to eat a few more mouthfuls of peanuts before giving in to the urge to drape his arm around Max's shoulders. He wouldn't say sorry again. He wouldn't. They were fine.

He wasn't sure he could say the same about Kithiel, but... he felt confident the wolf was alive and well. There was a strange pressure at the back of his head he hadn't noticed until Kithiel vanished and instinct told him it was some sort of link.

"Punch me next time I try to do something stupid again?"

Max looked up when his brother's arm fell across his shoulders, heavy and grounding, like some kind of unspoken promise. He saw another apology cross Lucas' features, but this, too, stayed unspoken. Finally. Max wasn't sure what he could do with more sorry's. Probably stop arguing about them, most likely.

He chuckled at the request, nodded, and halfheartedly brought up his fist and pushed mockingly against the underside of his brother's jaw. "Sure thing," he mentioned. "Right here, hard as I can. Cross my heart."

Honestly thought...he probably wouldn't even notice if they were doing something stupid. The decision had seemed pointless to Max, but he'd just...written it off as being cold hearted. Opening a veil into another realm...that was by far the stupidest decision made. But fuck, it was also the reason they were alive. No doubt about it. Magic had saved their asses, even if Kithiel had to drag them out by the scruff's of their necks.

Lucas slapped half-heartedly at Max's hand. "Gee, thanks. I'll remember you'd rather punch me in the face than the shoulder or stomach." He shook his head and fished out a bottle of water, sipping it every few moments until it was gone. There was a thirst and hunger growing in him, but he ignored it as best he could. He could eat when they stopped to rest, hopefully somewhere near a spring so they could refill.

He kept his arm around Max, not about to admit he was supporting himself as much as reassuring his brother. The feeling of being weak came in waves, but he wasn't about to give in to it. "Seriously though..." he murmured after a long moment. "There's a difference between being heroic and being stupid... I just..." 'Don't want you becoming someone who won't think twice about leaving someone to die...' he thought, though he couldn't bring himself to say it. He'd been noticing the changes in Max over the years, but they'd usually been small enough he could pretend it was just a bad day or puberty. He'd done his best to make sure Max knew right from wrong, but it was hard to enforce when they had to steal just to survive.

Max shrugged a little, shoving his hand down into his pocket. "Hey, gotta make an impression, right?"

There was a silence that fell then, and while it seemed heavy he sure as hell wasn't going to comment on it. He felt better, better than Lucas for sure, but he wasn't at one hundred percent, and sometimes it took just a little bit of his focus to keep moving. When his brother finally spoke again, it seemed like the words meant a lot more than he was actually saying. And Max knew.

He always knew.

He didn't feel much different than Lucas. They'd grown up a lot the same, even if his brother got a bit more of what passed for normalcy thanks to his age, but...Max knew he was different.

"You don't want me to be soulless," he muttered. Live by example...they'd always worked that way. It was the best way Max learned things. From how to tie his shoes to how to...not leave random strangers for dead. Whatever. "I get it."

Lucas winced and tightened his arm around Max. "You're not soulless," he said, unable to keep the growl from his voice. No way in hell was he going to let that happen. Or let Max think it would. They just had to get to the sanctuary. They could rest there, for more than a couple of days. Find something like work even if they were lucky. It would be good for both of them, having a purpose. His purpose was and had always been keeping Max safe, but Max was still young enough he could make something of his life given a chance.

"You're just a spoiled kid who needs a home," he said, forcing his tone lighter and squeezing at Max's shoulders. Maybe all he needed was a pretty girl to make him see what it was like to want to protect someone. He wasn't sure why his thoughts seemed to drift around his brother's social or sex life, or lack thereof, but it was getting a bit disturbing.

Max stopped walking. Slowly, at first, then completely, pulling Lucas with him because of the arm around his shoulder. He wanted to take it off, but he had a feeling his brother was probably using it to hold himself up. At least a little. The forced light tone didn't work on him, and Max probably could have laughed and moved passed it on a normal day, but at that moment...he didn't have it in him.

"I am though," he muttered, softly. "At least I'm well on my way there." He lifted his fingers to the hand resting over his shoulder, drew them down his brothers palm, twined their fingers together and held on for a moment. "Earlier...with the whole abandoned camp thing...I was willing to walk away without a second thought. It wasn't even that it was a bad idea, Lucas. I honestly...I honestly didn't even consider it. You did. I only took your side against Kithiel because I will always pick you, not because I actually cared. And I tried to. I did. But I just couldn't."

Max was silent for a moment, staring at their fingers intertwined, ignoring the feeling swirling in his gut. He wanted to say 'the things that I do want. The things that I do actually care about. You would hate me if you knew'. How long could Max even keep those things a secret, really. "I'm not trying to be a depressing little shit, it's just...the truth. And I don't know...I don't know if I can learn to...not be that way." And, it was probably just going to get worse.

Lucas didn't want to stop. If Max couldn't say it while walking, he usually didn't want to hear it. If he hadn't been using his brother as support or could have kept up on his own for more than a few steps, he would have kept going. As it was, he stopped a step after Max, just enough he had to turn towards Max to keep his balance. He didn't have the strength to tell Max to shut up or to change the subject either, so he listened. What the hell was he supposed to say to that, anyway? It wasn't like Max was <i>wrong</i> because he didn't care. It was hard to care about people you didn't know, and he was still young. He hadn't grown up around others. Hell, more than half of the people they ran into out here would probably have slit their throats for what little they had given half a chance.

He shivered and looked at the fingers on his palm, curling his fingers around Max's and holding tight. Max had the capacity, even if it was limited to him. That was enough to be thankful for. Maybe if they could get settled at this sanctuary, Max would be able to get to know others, a few he'd be able to care about.

"Okay," he said, too tired to try and fight with Max on it. Maybe it was better he didn't anyway. They were past trying to pretend everything was fine and as much as it hurt, it was cathartic. He dropped his pack and shifted closer to his brother, pulling him into a hug. "So you care about me, huh?" A faint smile tugged at his lips as he propped his chin on Max's head, unable to help feeling like maybe he hadn't completely fucked Max up raising him if he could at least care about him.

Okay.

The word bounced in his head for awhile. It was such a simple word and yet...it felt heavy. It felt like it held change. There was no arguing, no fighting, no staring each other down. Max had laid out the truth and Lucas had...accepted it. This was where they were now. No more secrets. No more pretending that things were just fine. It was scary and it kind of hurt but...it was there.

The hug was a bit of surprise and a comfort at the same time, and before long his hands were clutching into the back of his brothers shirt, face pressed into the side of his neck, and Max wondered - not for the first time - why he fit so well there. Like he had been made to just...easily slot up next to Lucas like that. He kind of hoped he'd never get taller, so that he wouldn't lose that. "Yeah, I care about you, asshole. Sometimes it feels like I care too much."

Lucas sighed and tilted his head to rest his cheek on Max's hair. This felt... right. He was a tactile creature, though he'd tried his best to keep from smothering his brother. It hadn't helped that Max always seemed so willing to be hugged.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He was more curious than anything, considering Max had just admitted he couldn't care about others. He flicked Max's ear for the asshole calling, but he knew he was going to have to get used to his mouth. Max was old enough to start making his own decisions. He would have to learn to accept him instead of... trying to change him or teach him. Somehow that seemed more exhausting, but it was time to let go. Even if it was painful and a bit terrifying.

Max was quiet for awhile. The way they were standing meant he didn't have to look at his brother, so he could...consider his options for a moment. Part of him just wanted to come clean. Wanted to say...all the thoughts that swirled around in his head. How sometimes....he stared at Lucas and got this want when he realized just how attractive that jawline was...the dark green of his eyes...the way his whole face lit up when he smiled...the way he just fūcking moved[/i. He wanted to say that he thought about what kissing him would be like, or how having those hands pressed against him would feel. He wanted to say a lot of things. He wanted to say he cared more than a brother should.

He wanted to stay wrapped up in Lucas' arms, but eventually he pulled away, shook his head and pulled an arm back around his shoulder. "Hell, I don't know, ignore me. I'm tired. It's been a day." He could hear the lie in his own voice.

Lucas stifled a sigh as the silence dragged on and he realised Max was probably not going to answer. He knew it wasn't the truth when he finally did speak. Part of him wanted to berate Max, tell him this new road they were taking wouldn't work if they kept hiding things from each other, but he didn't. Picked up his bag instead and started walking again, arm back in place around Max's shoulders.

He walked in silence for a long while, wondering what the hell Max was... too scared to tell him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, you know. It won't change how I look at you." Even if Max said he was completely dependent on him and couldn't live without him, he was pretty much in the same boat. He'd survive, maybe, but... his life would be meaningless without Max.

Max looked up at Lucas for a moment, shook his head and put his attention back down on the ground. "Yes it will." He hadn't really meant to say it out loud, and the fact that he did meant that he had to explain himself, because he couldn't just say that an expect Lucas to let it drop.

God, he was scared though. And he wasn't exactly sure what of. That Lucas would be disgusted and hate him? Or maybe just brush him off as being childish and not understanding the shit he was feeling? Or, maybe, even being understood...

"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered after awhile. He couldn't take the fear gripping at him, couldn't handle all of the possibilities. He was going to crumble. It hurt just to breathe. He couldn't...he just couldn't.