The Fate of a Nation (Atroxa & Blue Hatter)

When Roxandra woke in the morning, she was alone in bed. This was nothing new though, nor anything to be alarmed about. At first, given the very rough start of her life with her husband, she had thought that there was something wrong, that he couldn't stand to stay in bed with her any longer than he had to, but now she knew that the king simply woke very early. She supposed that made sense, he was a king, he had a lot to do, especially given that he was new to the crown and having to prove himself a capable ruler. But she had been afraid at first that it was something to do with her. How could she not wonder that, with how their wedding night had gone?

She had been married to the young king for a little over a week, and she was only just now starting to feel more comfortable around him, that awkward tension slowly starting to ease. Being with him now she knew that it had been something that had just been bound to happen, given the king's frailty. She hadn't known that though. She had heard, of course, all her life, that the prince of Avanthia was a frail young man, weak and sickly, but she hadn't really understood just what that meant. And when Roxanda had met him, she had thought that the rumors were exaggerations, or simply untrue. He had been a little thin yes, but he had not looked unwell, he could stand and walk, and did not seem to cough or feel unwell at all. The only thing she had noticed was a slight wheeze sometimes when he breathed after he would laugh too hard, or talk too much, or walk for very long.

Now though, having been with as his wife for a little over a week, Roxandra knew better. He tired easily, he could walk, but never for very long, his schedule laid out so that he never had to go far before he was at the next place he needed to be, and so that he had the proper time to rest in between. Anything more exerting than a walk took it out of him even faster, and when he pushed himself too hard he fell into fits where he could scarcely breath, turning pale and sweating. Roxandra had been warned of this, but she hadn't really believed it until their wedding night, when only a little way into their very first union as husband and wife he had nearly collapsed, wheezing and coughing.

The newly crowned queen had been in a panic, thinking her husband dying, and had quickly pulled on a robe and fetched a guard, who had returned with one of his physicians. They'd stabled the king, and she had been reassured that he would be fine, and that it had been nothing she had done. That was the last time they had attempted to be intimate. She'd heard a rumor later that a witch had given the king a potion the day of the wedding, promising that it would give him the strength to perform his duty as a husband for at least this night, but obviously that hadn't worked. And if that were true, Roxandra didn't want to know what might have happened to that witch for her failure.

Since that night, she had been uneasy and awkward, not sure what to do, how to feel, or how to act with her husband. But he was kind and patient, and after a few days, they had settled into a routine. So she felt unconcerned waking this morning with him no longer beside her. Roxandra yawned and rose to go and wash her face, one of her ladies in waiting arriving to help her brush out her red-blonde hair and apply some make up to her features, just enough to accent them, as the queen was beautiful enough that she didn't need a great deal. She decided to wait to get fully dressed though, pulling on a robe and going into the main room of their quarters, through it and into the personal dining room set up for them and any personal guests they might have.

The king was already sitting at the table, their breakfast being served as she arrived. Roxandra gave her warm but shy smile as she sat down across from him. “Good morning,” she greeted him quietly, her blue-green eyes friendly and still a little sleepy. A plate was set in front of her, fruits and cheeses with some toast and eggs, murmuring her thanks to the servant as he also set down a glass of milk.

Roxandra was the daughter of a duke, though not from his own nation, in fact from the neighboring kingdom, a long time ally to his. Her father and his own had been lifelong friends, she had met the prince when she was very young apparently but did not remember it. The marriage was representative of her father's support for his claim to the throne, which was being heavily contested due to his frail health. If the nobles of this land made a move against him, he would have support from his allies not just in this country but the next. Hopefully it didn't come to that, but only time would tell. The political climate in Avanthia was rather tense, the previous king had died suddenly of a heart attack, leaving his only child to claim the crown, but it was the fear of the nobles that their sickly ruler would die before he could provide an heir, plunging the country into political chaos as they scrambled to secure a new king.

Or that was the excuse they were giving for trying to unseat the king, Roxandra knew enough about politics and nobles to suspect that it was really one or two power hungry families hoping to take advantage of a perceived weakness and place one of their own on the throne. From what she could tell, the king was actually a rather skilled leader, it was only his body that was weak, but among men, that meant everything.

It was another bright, warm day in the kingdom of Avanthia, like it was most days. The kingdom was situated near the easternmost corner of the continent where it got a lot of sun and warm weather throughout the year. At times the air could feel dry and muggy but for someone with a frail condition of health, such as the newly appointed king, it was a good place to live because of the clear, warm air. The kingdom was quite a lovely one, too, with most of its buildings made of gleaming white stone and capped with green stone or dark oak roofs. The streets were usually clean, and the crime rate was at an all time low, or at least it had been when the previous king was still in power, though since his death the rate was slowly rising... Something would have to be done about that.

The prince-turned-king, Rufus of Avanthia, was a relatively handsome young man but was far too young to be ready to become a king. The position had been forced upon him after his father had died, but truth be told Rufus never wanted to be a king, he never enjoyed the idea of being so tied down to one place and being told who he could see and who he could marry. But being the only child of a king meant that becoming a king himself was his inescapable destiny.

Still, he did consider himself fairly lucky in the fact that he had been able to marry a woman as wonderful and radiant as Roxandra. No, it had not been his choice, but he didn't mind it. She was a beautiful, graceful and lovely woman who, he had to admit, despite thinking otherwise, he had fallen in love with. He wanted to be a good husband for her, to be the strong, powerful husband that she deserved, and that made things even worse for him when he knew that he could never truly please her.

Rufus knew all too well that he was expected to provide an heir to the throne, and he knew all too well that he was probably not long for the world, and what was more he wanted to provide Roxandra with children, he wanted that more than anything, and yet... he could not. It wasn't that he was sterile but he might as well have been. His frail condition made intimacy all but impossible, it increased his heart rate far too much and was too hard on his body, and the one and only time that they had tried to be intimate ended in utter failure, leaving him humiliated and feeling completely useless. He tried to keep up his presence, tried to act like it wasn't bothering him, but it was. He could never tell Roxandra how ashamed he felt, he feared her thinking so little of him.

Lately he had been waking up long before she did and vacating the bedroom; it wasn't even that he had anything to do that early in the morning, but he simply couldn't face her... He couldn't face waking up to her in the morning like a husband and wife, he couldn't face the truth that he wouldn't be able to give her a family. He couldn't face that he could never make love to Roxandra, not fully and deeply like she deserved... Sure, he could still give her pleasure and receive pleasure, simple pleasures, but nothing as intimate as making love, but even then he had to be careful. He couldn't face the fact that he would never be a father. He cursed his fate.

Rufus also knew that there were people in his castle that were patiently waiting for his death, perhaps in hopes of being able to take the throne for themselves, and that meant that he had to somehow have an heir before that could happen, to ensure that the kingdom stayed within the royal family. But how? If he could not do it himself what option was there? He felt so angry, frustrated and disheartened by it all.

And he thought of this even as he sat at the dining table in the main hall of their private quarters, his hand by his face, his thumb and index finger rubbing his temple at a slowly-forming migraine. He heard the door open and a set of feet pit-patting into the room, and upon the sound of a familiar voice greeting him, he turned in the direction and gave the new arrival a soft half-smile.

"Good morning, my love," he said softly and gave her a small nod. "You look lovely today. Did you rest well?"

Roxandra gave a shy, sweet smile to her husband at his compliment, “Only because Dalia already helped me get ready a little, I look horrid when I first wake up,” she shrugged a little, but nodded at his question, “I did sleep well though, did you?” She asked as she ate a little of her breakfast. She would prefer it that Rufus did speak to her of things that bothered him, but she knew that that sort of trust would just have to come with time. Like most women, especially those of noble birth, Roxandra had known since childhood that one day, she would marry, and very likely to a man she hardly knew. She would not get to choose him, and she would be expected to bear him children.

When she had gotten a little older and really began to understand that this more than anything else was what she was expected to do, she had resented it a little. Roxandra liked to think she had more value to her than just being a brood mare, it had taken a conversation with her mother to realize that while that was certainly an important part of being a wife, there was more to it than that. The men of their countries bore much of the stress and responsibilities, and while many of them tried to pretend that they were strong enough to bear it all by themselves, this was rarely true. She had told Roxandra that men were human like anyone else, and they needed support, and that a good wife was that support.

She had watched her parents after that day, how they loved one another with a solid surety that nothing could shake and she had decided she would much rather have that than the passionate dramas that she sometimes read in her books. Roxandra wanted to be that wife to Rufus, because if anyone needed some one on their side, it was him, but she knew that that wasn't something that could be rushed, it would take time. Right now, she knew that the most important thing was, in fact, to have a child. If they could do that, then nothing the nobles said or did could displace Rufus from the throne, and if he passed, then there would be some one to take his place. She only hoped that that didn't happen any time soon. They had only been married a week, but she was already very fond of him.

“I was hoping that you could possibly join me for lunch in the gardens today,” she half asked, half told him hopefully, a small smile on her face. Rufus was understandably very busy throughout the day, and she was as well. She was not a native to Avanthia, and had been spending her days trying to learn as much about it as she could. She even had tutors helping her to learn it's history and customs, as well as the nobles of the nation and which were friend and which were foe.

Support. Yes, support was something every man needed in his life, most definitely. Even if he tried to deny it he was just lying. Rufus couldn't help but think that women were stronger than men in that respect, they were the unbreakable stone that kept their husband up and in line. They were the support that kept a man standing during even his hardest and most trying times. Rufus knew that and he respected Roxandra for it, he cherished her for it, and he trusted her, he believed in her... But even so there were some things that he couldn't tell her, not yet, and he wasn't sure if he ever would for fear of her thinking lesser of him. His shame at never being able to give her a child was just one of these things.

"You never look 'horrid', Roxandra," he commented, giving her a soft smile in the process. "You're always as radiant as the sun and even more. Or at least I think so." Indeed, he thought that she was the most beautiful creature to ever grace the Earth and that she brightened up the halls of the castle in ways no one else ever could. (Well, what could he say, Rufus was a bit of a sappy romantic at heart.)

"I slept well..." he added, then, and thought of how lovely it was to wake up next to her in bed. He only wished that he was brave enough to face her in the mornings instead of hiding away and pretending like he was busy (until he really was busy). Well, maybe one day... One day when he felt a bit more secure about his situation and when Roxandra and himself had a chance to talk a bit.

Finally he began to eat the bit of food on his plate bite by bite. When he was a child he remembered breakfasts being a little more fun, with tasty sweets and pastries presented to him that would make any child squeal with delight, but once he had gotten older, and especially after he had become king, breakfasts had much less of those tasty sweets and much more of the healthy food types... Or in other words, boring food. Because of that he had gotten in the habit of sneaking a sweet pastry from the kitchen from time to time, even though he wasn't always too stealthy about it.

"Oh, yes... that sounds great," Rufus said to Roxandra's command/question. "I'd love to join you in the garden. Is there anything in particular you'd like to eat?" He knew that she could just as easily tell the chefs what she wanted for lunch but he was rather curious to see what might interest her, what she might have a taste for...

Roxandra gave her husband a warm, shy smile when he told her that she never looked horrid, and continued on to compliment her. She hesitated slightly before reaching over to take his hand, squeezing it affectionately before she went back to her breakfast. She shrugged a little at his question about what she would like for lunch, “I'm not sure... it's rather warm outside, something refreshing I suppose,” she mused. It was late spring, the days were growing warm and long, the gardens were well shaded from the trees that grew through out them but it would still be warm. She hoped there would be a nice breeze to keep the heat from becoming too bothersome.

She frowned softly at a thought and looked at Rufus, “Are you alright in the heat?” she asked him, not wanting their lunch to go as poorly as their wedding night because of his health, “if it would be better to eat inside we can, I just wanted to spend some time with you.” Roxandra tried not to feel disappointed at the thought of her perfect little lunch not happening the way she had imagine. Outside in the shade with birds singing, near one of the fountains, the tripping bubbling sound of water a peaceful backdrop to their conversations. Rufus wasn't the only one with a romantic heart.

“Either way, I was thinking cold cuts, cheeses, and fruits, with fresh bread,” Roxandra finally answered him, then gave him a small, teasing smile, “maybe a few pastries from the kitchens?” She had heard of his sweet tooth, and seen it first hand at their wedding as she was rather sure he'd eaten enough cake for three people. She liked sweets as well, though not as much as him it would seem, but if it made him happy she'd be sure to have a few at lunch. Rufus did need to be careful about his health, but it was important for him to be happy as well. What was the point of living if you were miserable?

Rufus' soft smile brightened a little more when her hand reached out to take his, and in response he squeezed hers back, pulled their hands up to place a kiss to the top of hers before she had time to pull away again. Now it was his turn to shrug his shoulders, then a small shake of his head.

"No, I should be alright," he replied to her question about the heat. The heat was definitely better for them than the cold, which was why living in this kingdom was a good thing for him, the heat kept his lungs dry, it kept his illness at bay. Of course, he still had to be careful of the heat outdoors, too much of it could definitely do more harm than good, but that was true for anyone. Some time outdoors in the sun never hurt anyone, least of all him. "Going outside for a bit definitely sounds nice," he finally added.

At her mention of pastries he couldn't help but chuckle a little. So even Roxandra knew of his taste of sweets, it seemed, not that he ever hid it... He wasn't particularly good at hiding much of anything, honestly. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, he supposed.

"We're you the one who told me to watch how many sweets I eat, dear?" he asked her teasingly, flashing her a slightly sheepish grin the process. "But offer me sweets and I'll go anywhere... You really do know how to bribe me, don't you?"

His hand came to his mouth a moment later to cover it before letting out a couple dry coughs. The coughs weren't particularly anything to worry about, at least no more so than anything else about his condition, and by now he's gotten quite used to them, barely even noticed doing them anymore, his hand always moving seemingly on instinct. Perhaps that was what happened when you were sick for as long as he was, your body simply grew accustomed to it, treated it like it was normal...

He was quiet for a moment or two as he ate a bit more of the food before him before he finally got the courage to speak again about something else... "And tonight I was wondering..." he began, trying to think of what exactly to say or how to say it. "Well, I was wondering if maybe... if we could, you know... try again...?"

Another small shrug. "N-nevermind..."

Roxandra gave a small, amused smile at his reaction to her offering him sweets, shrugging a little, “There's nothing wrong with eating a few every now and then.” She laughed softly, a melodious, pleasant sound, when he teasingly accused her of bribing him, shrugging again. “Anything to get to spend a few moments with you,” she smiled at him warmly, meaning it. Roxandra wanted to be happy with Rufus, and she wanted him to be happy with her. She knew that there were more important things than their happiness, but if they could be happy and achieve everything else, then all the better.

She gave Rufus a concerned look though as he coughed, watching him for a moment, but he moved on quickly, not seeming to really notice at all. She supposed she'd have to learn what to worry about and what was just an every day thing for him. Roxandra didn't want to worry unnecessarily, which she knew could just cause more problems.

She ate her breakfast for a moment, looking forward to lunch with her husband, when Rufus spoke up again, nervously, haltingly. She wasn't sure what he was trying to get at at first until he asked if they could try again. Roxandra blinked at him a little but quickly reached for his hand when he tried to dismiss the request, giving him a fond smile, though her cheeks were maybe a little red. “No, I want to try again, so yes, let's try again tonight,” she told him, “I ah... I did enjoy myself last time while it lasted though, for what it's worth.” She squeezed Rufus's hand gently and went back to her breakfast, her more demure nature taking over after her small, open moment with him.

Rufus was most definitely relieved at Roxandra's willingness to try their love-making again when they returned to bed that night, and he surely hoped that he would perform better. The foreplay had been grand with her but when it came to the actual intercourse, well, it was obvious what happened after that. He was hoping that there wouldn't be a repeat of those humiliating events from the night before, but he wanted to be with her, to unite with her, to bear children with her... Truly, he did.

"Then, I promise a wonderful night together," he said, returning a bit of her own blush at the same time.

It didn't take him much longer to finish his meal and the hours thereafter passed rather slowly for him. There was so much kingly work to take care of... Quarreling business owners, miffed landowners, cattle that had gotten sick (which he wasn't sure why they had come to him about that matter), reading proposed laws, being lectured by his head tactician for this and that, and various other tedious things that made him realize why his father had always looked so exhausted every day. But finally noon had arrived, his scheduled appointment with Roxandra that he had been looking forward to since that morning, and though his head aide insisted that he stay and listen to more woes of the townsfolk, Rufus waved him on and somehow managed to slip away to the garden. Well, first he made a stop by the kitchen...

Outside he was relieved to find that he was the first one to arrive. Usually it was Roxandra who was waiting for him so it was a nice change of pace to be the one there first. The picnic blanket had already been set out, no doubt by one of the maids, and he watched quietly as two other maids brought out the food. He was a little disappointed that they hadn't put the food in baskets like a real picnic but he supposed that it wasn't his place to be picky about it. He gave them a nod after they finished and he slipped down to sit at the edge of the blanket to wait for his lovely wife to arrive.

Roxandra spent her morning with her tutors and her hand maidens as usual, learning more about Avanthia, she was their queen now, it wouldn't do for her to be ignorant of their history and customs. She did take some time in the morning to relax with the three hand maidens she had brought with her from Doharin, working on some needlepoint, something she rather enjoyed and was good at, with her nimble fingers. Roxandra was very much a typical noblewoman in many regards, she enjoyed music and art, needlepoint and dancing, she sang well and even knew how to play a few instruments. Most would consider these rather trivial pursuits, and perhaps they were, but most young noblewomen were expected to learn these sort of skills to make them more interesting, and therefor more appealing as a wife.

She no longer had to do these things really, but she enjoyed them until she hopefully was able to actually perform a more functional role as queen. Right now she just wasn't ready for that so she had to keep herself busy in the mean time.

Lunch finally arrived though and Roxandra went out to the gardens, seeing that the food had already been lain out and, much to her surprise, Rufus was already there. He stayed so busy it wasn't uncommon for him to be late much the time. She knew and understood why though, and didn't hold it against him. Yet. She was very much aware that despite the rough start, they were still very much in their honeymoon phase. Maybe one day it would drive her crazy having him be late to everything, but right now it didn't.

She gave her husband a warm smile as she sat down next to him, leaning over to give him a fond kiss on his forehead, her long red hair falling around his face as she did. Roxandra sat back down, her legs tucked under her. She was no longer wearing her house robe obvious, instead opting for a pale blue-green dress, soft and attractive on her. She plucked a peach from the bowl of fruit near by and started brushing the fuzz off it. “How's your morning been?” She asked Rufus. It was perfect outside, warm but with a breeze that kept it from being uncomfortable, they were set up under a tree for shade, but fluffy white clouds rolled overhead, occasionally blotting out the sun before it came back out to shine brightly. There were also near a fountain, bubbling happily with colorful fish darting about in it's pool.

The garden where they were picnicking was lovely, with numerous plants of all shapes, sizes and colors, lush green topiaries that had been expertly manicured into all shorts of shapes and designs, the grass was lush and green, even the cobblestone pathways lining the garden and paving the way toward the center where the fountain sat were tasteful and colorful. Obviously whoever had designed this garden had taken great pride in their work, though Rufus had no clue who had actually built this garden... It was this way since before he was born, and he would wager that it was like this before his father was born, too.

But as lovely as the garden was the sight of Roxandra approaching made it all pale in comparison. The fair young lady was much more beautiful than any garden could ever be. True, he was in love with her... No, he wasn't entirely sure if she felt the same about him-- he knew she cared for him but whether or not she truly loved him wasn't yet known to him-- but he certainly had fallen for her. How could he not have? She was impossible to resist.

Rufus smiled brightly at the kiss to his forehead, and in return her moved in to kiss the side of her neck before she had a chance to pull away.

"Hello, dear," he purred. "My morning was... hectic. So many problems in the town... Why they need to come to me to help settle their mindless disputes is beyond me. Just once I wish someone could solve their problems between themselves... But, ah, you don't want to hear all that... I don't even want to hear all that..." he smirked a bit. "What about you? How was your morning?"

Roxandra smiled warmly as he told her a bit about his morning, taking a bite of her peach as she listened to him. “They trust your judgment when they don't trust their own,” she told him, then shrugged when he asked about her morning. “It's been uneventful, Master Scholar Tammins had me memorizing genealogies for two hours.” She rolled her blue-green eyes and smiled a little as she took another bite of her peach, a bit of juice straying from the corner of her mouth before she wiped it away.

She leaned back against the tree they were set under, sitting close to Rufus, sighing softly. She hesitated a little about bringing up what they had talked about this morning, she'd been thinking about it a lot, and wasn't sure if it was a good idea to talk about it further or not. Maybe they should just try to have sex again, but Roxandra didn't want a repeat of last time. Not the failed attempt that was understandable but the way he had shut her out afterward. She didn't want him to do that again, not when they were starting to get more comfortable with one another.

“Rufus... about tonight,” she said quietly, looking down and her fingers plucking at the blanket they were sitting as a way of fidgeting, “promise me if things don't go the way you want, you won't beat yourself up over it and push me away?” Roxandra asked him, looking at her husband with a soft, concerned frown on her face.

The townsfolk trusted his judgement with their problems? Rufus wasn't so convinced. Was it that they trusted his judgement or was it that they were just too lazy to solve their own problems themselves? Well, he supposed that he couldn't complain about it either way, it was just one of the many duties as a king, after all.

At her comment about her studies Rufus couldn't help but smirk a bit. He remembered Tammins' teachings from when he was growing up, and boy had they been boring. It had always seemed to him that Tammins had purposely tried to make the lectures are boring as possible, or maybe it was just to torture Rufus in his childhood, and now that the tutor was older and, presumably, wiser he could only imagine how dreadfully boring the lectures must be now.

Her comment about plans for the night had caught him by surprise, though he supposed that it shouldn't have, considering the night before, and for a moment he wasn't sure how to respond to it. He hadn't been expecting the remark, or at least not that soon...

"...I'll never push you away, not again. A-and I'm sorry that I did," he finally replied and gave a small nod of his head. He couldn't make any promises about not beating himself up if things failed again, but he would do his best not to push her away. "I just... I want to... I want to make love to you... I want to make you feel wonderful, and... I want to have a family with you."

He paused for a moment to let his thoughts roll around his head for a moment before continuing. "Listen, Roxandra... if... if I can't live up to my end of the romance... Would you... well..." another pause. How could he say this? What where the right words to say? He wasn't sure. It was a strange thing to say, he knew, so how could he say it? How should he say it? He shrugged a little to himself. "No, nevermind... That's not important right now. But I'll do my best, I promise."

Roxandra looked at him quietly as he promised not to push her away, and apologized for doing that before, his wife giving him a soft smile, “It's alright, I understand, you didn't really know me that well, you still don't I suppose.” She gave Rufus a slightly shy look though when he told her that he wanted to make love to her, to make her feel wonderful and that he wanted a family with her, her face blushed softly, but she looked pleased anyway. “I want all that too... well, I mean, I want to make you feel wonderful, though if I feel wonderful too then all the better,” she babbled the last bit quickly, realizing that she might sound like she was just being selfish with that first part and quickly explaining herself.

She seemed happy with Rufus's promise and confession and finished eating her peach before grabbing some of the cheese and bread, but paused when he spoke again. Her brows furrowed softly as her head tilted to the side, not sure what he was trying to say, and then he simply dismissed the attempt. Roxandra was curious, but she decided not to push him, and nodded. “Alright, that's all I ask, now come on, you need to eat something before your advisers interrupt us and drag you back off to your kingly duties,” she smiled.

The rest of their lunch went well, they ate and chatted, relaxing in the fine weather and in one another's company. Roxandra was hopeful about things going well that night, wanting to maintain their momentum, but no amount of hoping could make Rufus healthy enough to handle pushing himself that hard. It had started out well, her husband seeming eager to make up for last time, but in the end, they didn't make it far with the actual love making before he was struggling to breath and had to stop. Roxandra was disappointed, but not because they weren't able to finish, well, sort of, she was more disappointed for Rufus, knowing he had wanted things to go well, that he wanted to be with her like a husband should be with his wife.

She tried to keep his spirits up, and in the morning woke when he tried to get up at his usual god awful time, not letting him. She made Rufus stay in bed with her, her arms wrapped snugly around him, refusing to let him go and sulk. Roxandra fell back asleep though and when she woke, he was gone anyway. She sighed and got up, pulling on a robe and tying the sash about her slender waist as she ventured out into their chambers to see if she could find her husband.

Rufus had tried his best, truly he had, but it seemed that even his best efforts fell short. It was frustrating, disheartening and more than a little embarrassing. What was a man if he couldn't deliver sexual pleasures of every sort? What was a man who couldn't give his wife a child? And what wife would want a husband who could never fully do these things? He couldn't help but feel ashamed and depressed about it all, it was impossible not to feel that way.

Though Roxandra had tried to keep him in bed earlier that morning after another failed attempt at love-making, he had stayed just a little longer, but when she had fallen asleep again Rufus had slipped away quietly and stealthily. Even that early most of the people in the castle would still be asleep except for the cooks and other people of similar positions who woke up early to get things ready. But that was fine with him, the silence gave him a time and place to think...

He had made his way to the library and had somehow ended up thumbing through a large book of various magical spells and incantations. He was beginning to wish now that he knew more about the magical arts, but this was something he had never been taught, and most of the spells in the book, even the beginner spells, made little sense to him. A couple hours passed before he had even realized it, but he kept on reading... At this point the reading wasn't so much an effort to understand the spells as it was a way to take his mind off of things that he really did not wish to think about, a way to concentrate on something else., even if it wasn't really helping all that much.

It seemed that he had only one option... Only one option remained open to him if an heir to the throne was to be born, and if Roxandra was to receive the pleasures that she deserved...

It took Roxandra a moment to find him, but she eventually did so, ending up in the library attached to their personal quarters. She watched Rufus for a moment as he sat looking through a large old tome, obviously trying to distract himself. She sighed softly and approached so that he could see her coming, as her bare feet made little noise on the floor, and her robe only swished softly as she walked. “Good morning,” she told him quietly as she bent down to kiss the top of her husband's head, her hand resting on his shoulder.

She wished she had some way to make Rufus feel better, to keep him from being so down on himself. None of this was his fault, she knew he wanted nothing more than to be able to make love to her, and therefor also be able to father a child with her. Roxandra wished there was some way to make him well, but she knew from her maids, who knew from the servants, who knew everything, that the former king had spent most of his son's life trying to find some cure for his ailment, and had never succeeded. If the king couldn't do it, then she doubted she could.

Either way, Roxandra knew that while he of course wanted him to be happy, it was also practical for her to wish for him to be able to sire a child. He needed an heir, and they only had so much time to make this happen before the nobles all declared him too much of a risk to the future peace of the kingdom and tried to usurp him. They had maybe a few years at most, they would just have to figure something out before then.

So trying to distract himself was Rufus that he hadn't even heard Roxandra enter the room, and he hadn't heard her greeting, either... In fact he didn't really even realize she had entered until he felt the kiss to the top of his head. He knew it could be no one else, and his eyes glanced up to her. He forced a small smile and set the back down. The book was a boring read, anyway.

"Morning, dear," he said softly. His left hand came up to gently touch her right arm, just below her shoulder, then his hand ran slowly down her arm, his fingertips lightly grazing against her flesh. "I hoped you slept well. And... I'm sorry about last night. Again..."

One of the head maids, one of the few workers he felt that he could actually at least moderately trust, had found Rufus earlier that morning and, yet again, had warned him that he needed to create an heir as soon as possible. If Roxandra was at least pregnant then the kingdom would absolutely stay within the power of his family. Even if he died before the child's birth Roxandra would be given the rule of the kingdom until the child came of age. If he could just get her pregnant with an heir so many problems would wash away...

But try as he might he couldn't do it himself, that much was obvious. He'd been thinking a lot about that lately, mulling over one idea after the next, but only one idea always came back to him.

"I've... I've been thinking about things lately..." he began to say, his voice soft. He nodded toward a chair next to him if she wished to sit. "I've been thinking a lot about... well, the kingdom... About you and I, and.. well, and about a child..."

Roxandra looked at her husband fondly as he greeted her in turn, his hand running lightly down her arm. Her fingers caught his briefly, running though them before letting them go, then shook her head at his apology. “I slept fine, and don't, it's not your fault,” she told Rufus quietly before she leaned down and kissed his forehead. She gave him a curious look though when he said he'd been thinking about things, and motioned for her to sit.

So she sat down and looked at Rufus questioningly, wondering if he'd thought about some sort of solution to their problem. “What is it?” she asked him as she settled into her chair, her hands folded in her lap. She didn't know what they could do really, well, she was sure they could do something, but it would probably take a lot of trial and error. Roxandra was up for it, but she didn't know if he was, both mentally and physically, as she could tell that this took a lot out of Rufus emotionally.

Again Rufus was silent for a moment, this time as he tried to figure out just how to explain himself, just what words to use... But when he found that there was no easy way to say it he just decided to get it out.

"Well... as you know, we need an heir... we need a child," he began, his eyes glancing from her then away, then back again a little nervously. It wasn't so much the fact that they wanted a child for the sake of having a child-- though he did want a child, he longed to become a father, but unfortunately this matter wasn't so simple, he truly needed a child in case something happened to him. "I don't mean to sound morbid but... w-well, if something happened to me... if I... y'know... died... we would need an heir to be able to take the throne. W-who knows how much... time I left, y'know?"

As morbid as it might have sounded for him to be talking like that he was only speaking the truth, and the fact that he would probably die sooner than most healthy men was a fact that he had grown to accept.

"I'd hoped that I could give you a child but... that doesn't seem possible, at least not any time soon," he continued on, a soft sigh escaping him. "So... I've been thinking of... other ways... What would you say about... maybe you taking other men to your bed? Surely one of them could get you pregnant... And then we could raise the child as our own, no one would be the wiser..."

Honestly, he rather disliked the idea of sharing her with other men, but at times like this his own preferences didn't really matter. He needed an heir, there was no other way around it, and if he couldn't help her produce one then perhaps someone else could. And as long as the man she bedded had some sort of resemblance to Rufus-- a similar hair color, skin color, eye color-- then no one would be any the wiser. Though he disliked the idea quite a bit he did already have a few men in mind.

Plus, these men would be able to pleasure her as well, and that was another good thing, he tried to convince himself.

"So... what do you say? Would you... be willing to bed other men for the sake of the kingdom?" He hated putting it like that but, well, that was the truth.

Roxandra listened to her husband as he talked about their needing a child, and why, getting the impression that he was more trying to work his way into whatever it was that he had been thinking about rather than explaining anything to her. So she just let him work his way through their problem, that they needed to produce an heir, but obviously this wasn't something that they were going to manage to accomplish any time soon. Not soon enough for the nobles especially. She didn't like the thought of Rufus dying, she was already attached to him, but she knew it was a tragedy she had to consider as a possibility. So Roxandra nodded when he said he had been trying to think of other ways for them to have an heir, her brow furrowing.

What else could they possibly do? There was only one way to have a child after all. She wasn't expecting what Rufus suggested though. The queen's eyes went a bit wide and she stared at her husband a little as he suggested that she take other men to their bed and get pregnant by one of them. “What?” she asked him incredulously, her voice a bit high in her distress. He wanted her to get pregnant by another man so they could raise the bastard child as his son? Roxandra couldn't believe this was his idea.

She shook her head at first in disbelief, still staring at him a little, “You... you want me to have sex with other men until I get pregnant?” Roxandra repeated, having a hard time wrapping her head around this. “I... It just... It seems wrong,” she argued weakly, “Surely we could manage on our own? It would just take some time, a few more tries...” She knew in the back of her mind that Rufus was right, but she didn't want to accept that just yet.

Honestly, Roxandra's response didn't surprise him in the least. Well, actually, he had expected her to be even more angry about the suggestion. He wasn't fond of the idea, either, but he couldn't think of any other solution. What if he could never get her pregnant? If he passed without an heir, that would be the end of the royal family, someone else would be brought in to take over, and who knew how much they would care about the kingdom?

"I-I know how it sounds but... but what other solution is there?" Rufus replied with another question. His tone was calm, though clearly uneasy and unsure about even his own suggestion. "I... I don't like the idea, either, but... what else can we do? We need an heir, my love, and... and I want you to receive the pleasure you deserve, too. Why not just try it once? Just once and see how it goes?"


Rufus had tried to think of every possible solution to this problem but this had been the best option he could come up with. While it was true, of course, that he would rather impregnate her himself but that wasn't going to happen any time soon, and what if it never did? He didn't like the idea of sharing her, he didn't like the idea of having anyone in bed with her, but he could think of no other solution, no other option, and as far as he could think of, this was the best way to go about it. Probably...

Roxandra was still in a measure of disbelief that he was suggesting this, otherwise she might very well be angrier. Though she also just wasn't the type to get angry very often. She shook her head when Rufus asked what other solution was there, the young woman looking a little upset. She didn't know what else they could do but this just seemed... crazy! She gave Rufus a distressed look though when he said that he wanted her to receive pleasure as well, her brow furrowing, “Rufus...” she tried to protest softly, knowing that he felt guilty for not being able to be with her completely like they both wanted. Roxandra didn't know how comfortable she'd be, being pleasured by another man in front of her own husband. It would be awkward enough just having sex with them, let alone enjoying herself.

She sighed heavily when he asked her to just try it once and see how it went, shaking her head. “I... I need to think about this...” She told him, frowning deeply as she stood, “I need to just be alone for a little bit right now.” Roxandra left the library quickly, wanting to just have some privacy to process and think about what Rufus had just told her. She ended up back in their room, sitting on their bed and thinking quietly about their situation. She knew neither of them were happy about it, both wanted the same thing, and if they weren't under so much pressure she wouldn't care how long it took.

If they didn't have an heir soon though, not only did it mean that if Rufus died some one else would take the throne (and who knew what would happen to her), but the nobles might not even wait that long. They might decide they don't want to wait for the country to fall into civil war when he died and just usurp him anyway. And kings who lost their thrones rarely we just left to go about their lives as if nothing had happened. Roxandra tried to think of some other solution, but short of faking a pregnancy and adopting another child, she realized Rufus was right and that this might be the only way.

She didn't see Rufus again until that night at dinner, where she was quiet and obviously still bothered until she sighed and looked at her husband across from her at the smaller table they ate at for private, personal meals. “I...” she sighed again, “You're right, there's nothing else that we can do. I guess... I guess I'll try it...”

Rufus couldn't blame her, he knew that what he was asking for sounded strange and wrong but he didn't know what else to do. What else could he do? What else was there? He would just have to give her time to think things through and hope for the best-- whatever the "best" was he, admittedly, wasn't entirely sure. It was times like this that he hated being the king and part of him wondered if he and Roxandra could just slip away, disappear and run away somewhere far away and live a life like normal people. But that was just a silly fantasy, he knew...

But, truth be told, Rufus had never wanted to be king. He loathed being a king. But it had been his fate since the day he had been born.

He was silent when she left the library. He could think of anything to say to her that might help the situation, and indeed, what could he say? There was nothing to be said, nothing he could do...

The day went by rather slowly and with the usual events that he faced daily: lectures, listening to various problems of the townsfolk, looking through and approving or disapproving new laws, negotiating taxes, trying to befriend other kingdoms, and so on, the usual charade that he played day in and day out. For the day, however, his mind had been elsewhere. His mind had been on Roxandra and his concern for her, and he'd been paying the other matters before him little attention. But even so, even when he had some free time, as tempted as he was to check in on her he always decided against it, thinking it best just to leave her alone as she had said.

Dinner came around sometime later and he was very much relieved to see Roxandra join him. The dinner was quiet, neither one of them speaking, and a strange silence slowly engulf them until, at least, the young lady broke that silence. Her words surprised him, or at least partially so, and while he slowly nodded his head he wasn't sure whether he should be happy or disappointed.

"Alright... thank you," he said with a small nod of his head. "I... know of someone. He'll be good to you, gentle. I think that it'll be okay..."

Roxandra hadn't exactly chosen her life either, but she made the best of it that she could. She didn't think anyone in their right mind only wanted to be valued for their womb after all, and when it came down to it, that was what society valued her for. She would be envious of the ability to be looked at with respect and have responsibilities if it wasn't a completely pointless thing to desire. And if she knew that Rufus didn't even want the crown, that he regarded his role as king as nothing more than a burden, she wouldn't be agreeing to any of this. Roxandra would simply tell him to give the crown up to his nobles instead and let them deal with it.

Why fight for something you didn't even want? And she would feel rather betrayed to know that she was agreeing to something that felt inherently wrong for something that Rufus didn't even want. Perhaps it was something he needed to hear, but it wasn't something that she knew she needed to say to him.

She had more pressing matters on her mind after all, giving Rufus an unsure look as he told her that he knew some one would work, the young queen pushing at her food on her plate but not eating. “Who is it?” she asked him, though very hesitantly, not sure if she actually wanted to know who it was that she would be taking into their bed. “And uh... when?” Roxandra swallowed softly, obviously nervous.

Rufus' feelings toward his status as king were complicated, to say the least. While he didn't particularly like the position he also didn't want the kingdom to fall into the hands of someone who wouldn't care for it. He did love the kingdom-- it had been his home for, well, forever-- and he wanted to see his kingdom thrive. It had done well with his family in the past, but if someone else took over who only wanted power who knew what it might amount to? And he felt that he had a duty to his family, a duty to keep the castle in the family as it had been for countless generations. So while he may not have enjoyed being king he felt duty-bound to be such, it was the honorable thing to do, it was the right thing to do, and he knew it.

His feelings were most definitely complicated, his feelings towards it in a constant flux, this way and that. Plus, he loved Roxandra and he wanted a good life for her, and he wanted a good life for any children that they might have had, and he knew that keeping them within the royal family would serve them best.

"Do you really want me to tell you who it is?" he asked curiously. Would it be better to surprise her with it or have her prepared for it? Well, maybe the latter seemed fairer... "It's Gus von Rosenfild, the head of my personal guard squadron. He's a good man, he'll be good to you."

Gus also looked quite a bit like Rufus, which was a plus. The same hair color, similar fair skin, similar eye color. He was taller than Rufus and much more muscular, though.

"And when would you like to... well, begin?" he asked her. "I... can have him ready tonight if you'd like to start that soon. Or tomorrow or... something?"