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The Tome - [Seiken's Journal]

Million

Full Moon
Joined
Jan 25, 2011
Location
Norway
Alright, so starting a journal. I guess I will keep it as an online "public" diary, but it's all for fun. Sure, I will write personal things here and not joke about everything, but I will have a rather relaxed attitude about it all. At least that's how I plan on starting out with this. ;) Things have a tendency to not go as I plan, you see...

Today was just another day. Well, I slept -really- good as I didn't sleep the night before. Why? Adventure! Haha, but work today was a bit slow, so that was nice. I'm a tradesman so it was nice to just have a coke and chill at the computer for a couple of hours.

When I got home, I found some fish in the freezer and put it to thaw. I wonder how long it will take before it is all ready to be cooked. Hopefully not too long as I am starving. Fish is an awesome dish if you prepare it right. However, it also depends on the fish. I am having Cod. I think I'll boil it and have potatoes and egg-butter on the side(You hardboil eggs and cut them up into tiny dices(brunoa) and add the melted butter over like sauce). Perhaps I'll boil some carrots and add as well. While waiting, I put my book "A Word of Darkness" out on this site. I wonder if people will like it. It's my lifework, so hopefully! I've been on the verge several times to create a new story and turn it into a book. I have so much fantasy and inspiration, but I lack motivation. I wonder if my journal here will be as big as a book in the end...

The reason I created the title as I did is because I've always liked the word "Tome". Before I learned what it meant, I thought it was boring. But "Tome" for a book? Haha, I believe I first learned the word in Warcraft 3 - the pc game. I saw Tome of Agility. Tome of Knowledge. Tome of Power, etc etc. It kinda stuck with me and now when I think about the word; It means kinda a literate place where the power of knowledge is held. Not saying that my little journal here will be power in the end, but... It's a literate place, no?

Either way, done for now. Perhaps I'll add something more later tonight. That is, if I decide if I want to only make one entry a day, or more.
 
It's morning and I am at work. I didn't sleep well last night. Well, 2 and a half hour of sleep isn't really something anyone can sleep well on, I think. Unless it's a power-nap. Stayed up late talking to a friend of mine on snapchat. Was fun and got lots of... interesting pictures to say the least. I wonder if I will get such snaps today too.

I am the host of a party at my place today. I shouldn't have stayed up as late as I did as I am dead exhausted. How can I host a party when I am all tired and my place needs tidying? Well, luckily I know how to keep up an appearance for my friends. While it goes on my expenses, I'm a gracious host that won't let them down. That's for sure. I'm very happy that they show me that they appreciate me by backing me up when I am in need of a little assistance too. Heh, my ex even offered to be my fuck-friend for mutual release. We live in a strange world...

Either way, I feel that today will be a blur. After getting home from work, I'm going to speed-tidy and then take a shower before I pass out on the sofa. Sounds like a good plan. *Sage-nod to himself*

It's been.. 3 days now? And my roleplaying partner hasn't returned. She said she'd at very least reply by Friday, but now it's Saturday in the entire world. I really hope she gets back as she's one of the few that managed to get through my rather harsh process of consideration when it comes to roleplay. I give quality for pleasure, but I want my partner to be there for the long run and be able to keep the quality up. Sadly, far too few are and were able to. If she doesn't return by the end of the weekend, I'll have to keep looking for a new partner.
 
Ah, another day today passed. The party I hosted yesterday turned out to become a huge hit. I was the king that evening. I didn't really get to sleep much, but I did tidy my place really well up and the plus is that I didn't get tired at all! Well, when it closed in on 6AM in the morning, I started to get a bit drowsy, yeah. Either way, today was a nice day. I had apparently cleaned and I woke up to a clean and nice apartment. Nothing was broken and it was just all good. Not even a hangover!

Going in to work was a bit Meh as it was ALOT of customers(I'm a tradesman), but a guy came in and started to play on some slot machines we got standing around. He won over 10 000kr (about 1800 USD), and he thought I was a such awesome guy that he decided to give a portion of it to me! :D So he shoved his hand into his pocked and pulled out 400 USD to me. I was really thrilled. Although, coming home, I sat down and say my roleplaying partner had returned, and even replied to our Roleplay. So.. Another yay there! Replying to it, I felt that I had the writer in me still going, and thus sent my ex-gf an email. It was... a painful email(just recently broke up), but it had to be written and sent. Now I can move on and face new adventures!(To put it in that way). But after that, I was sad and still had the writer in me going. So I poked some old friends, shook things up a little bit by speaking from the heart and... Well, now I am here! Replying to my little thread.

I find it a bit fun how one thing can lead to another. Especially with just a small nudge. Domino effect anyone? Ah, but overall today was a good day. Kinda like... You cut yourself and apply a bandaid. And walking around with the bandaid for a while, you hope it has healed, but you don't think it has. So you pull it off and see that it's really nicely healed. It hurt to pull it off, but you're happy now that it's healed and you can move on. Oh, how I love my way of using metaphors now and then. A plot twist would be: Pull off the bandaid and see that there was never any wound to begin with!!

Yeah, I'm just rambling now. But it feels good. It's good rambling. Perhaps it's a way of counter what has just happened, but I don't think it is. Given I got the writer in me going after the RP before even thinking of doing the sad-email. Let's see... Well, not really much more happened today. I had an awesome party yesterday, yeah, we even stopped and played some Mario Kart with drinking games along - it was much fun! Well, besides of everyone driving off the road due to drink and drive, but.. what can you do? Haha
 
Ah, another 3-hour sleep tonight and early up for work. Early shift today. It's kinda nice as I get much out of the day, but also sucks because I'm a B-person. I like to sleep in and hate mornings... Especially mondays! But who doesn't?

I was kicked out of my previous apartment back in... April and had to move. I was so stressed about finding a new place to live, as I live in a rather small place and wasn't able to move anywhere far away due to work etc. But luckily I found an apartment that was cheaper, bigger and in the middle of... well, everything! The city!(I'm a cityboy now :) ) Either way, after moving in and putting things in place, I got to know some of the neighbours as well. Turns out... my apartment is a penthouse! The kind of place would be -very- expensive to rent, but I have no idea why I get it for so cheap.

Hugging on to the whole thing about it being a penthouse, I've started to look at the way I live in a completely new way. Earlier I would be messy like any other bachelor, but now I do my best to uphold a standard. It's weird how you view how you life can change so much, but here I am.. It got 2 levels, own balcony with a sub-balcony and a such... Voice-gate? Well, the latter is rather usual around the city, but I'm not used to such, so it's very nice. I only get drunk/high people who curse me down through the phone-thing there when I won't let them in twice a week! Only thing I gotta complain about though, is the stairs. Soooo long, I wish they had an elevator. But really, it's a blessing in disguise. I get some excercise. ;)

Either way, just wanted to share a little. Still at work as written above, and about to head home. I wonder what I'll do tonight... My RP partner is back, but is hindered to respond as much as we both would like. That is, without compromising the quality of the RP which I will not have.
 
At work again~ It would seem like it's only at work I get the time to write here on my little journal while my ongoing RP is a project for home. Perhaps because I relax a lot better at home and can really set my mind in motion and enjoy some quality RP right there and then. Here, however, I am bound to the professional "guidelines" of the company which kinda makes me.. uptight? Not sure if that'd be the right word for it.
At work today I stumbled over a small piece of info that really opened my eyes. While being completely oblivious to the fact, I guess I was a bit naïve? My superior(I'm in the second highest position where I Work) is having an affaire with one of the customers. Hot, right? Well, she already got 3 or 4 kids... And a husband of course. However, everyone knows about the affairs she has been having. But! - after a huge showdown with her husband and the guy she had an affair with before last christmas, the husband assumed it all to be over. But nope - they're still going strong! I feel a bit stupid as I've seen the customer come in now and then asking for her and there has been so many clear signs that they're still going. I just didn't realize what they were before today when subordinate of mine told me. Heh, even my assistant(Which is one of her childrens) told me that her mum was having an affair and it was hell-on-earth at home.

But I'm not going to rant on about all the details. I'm doing best to keep my mouth shut as long as I get paid for the amount of work I am doing. And if I am not... I have enough information to take this entire company CHAIN down. It's kinda a turn-on having such power~

Either way, tomorrow I am having my best friend over and two women. A friend of mine called it a double-date, but mentally, I don't see it as such. It's more like a "Meet-'n-Greet" at my place, so then it's time to shine. I have to work till midnight tonight, and thus I get paid extra, but I need time to clean and such, and plan dinner, desserts, drinks and entertainment. Perhaps I'll hire a pianist... Either way, since it's in my domain, it shall be grand. I want everyone who has ever been at my place to think back and go "Hm.. I really enjoyed myself there. Nothing there was mine, but it was welcoming in a way that I felt at home to a degree". If I hear or feel like one of the guests perhaps wants to have a lollipop after dinner, or perhaps wants to have a martini, but I don't have that - then I will take it as a personal failure. For at my place... everyone are kings.
 
Ah yes, Norway... Why are you so warm? I'm really struggling to keep up with the heat. For centuries, my ancestors have been molded into human beings with high cold resistance. But what is this tropical weather seeping in over the land? If I didn't believe in global warming before, I do now. But that's debatable I guess. Either way, being alone, I spend the most of the day walking around naked. Taking up to 3 showers a day. One in the morning, one in the middle of the day, and one in the evening. Cold long showers.. they are the best.

I sometimes complain about the heat out loud and say "This is not like what the brochure said!" Gets a laugh every time, however, I've also been confronted a few times as well. "You should be happy with the heat! It's only once a year!" Why should I be happy exactly? That I like what my country is known for? That I want to live the way Nature has shaped the people of Norway? And why should I be happy over things I dislike? It's like; Say you're living with your parents and you're 10 years old. Then your mum gives you a... well, a piece of bread with a slice on cheese on. You only get cheese once a week, but you haaate it. "Mum, I don't like this!" you might go. "You should be happy with the cheese! It's only once a week" I would make an uproar. Perhaps a little weak metaphor there, but you get the picture, I hope.

Either way, besides me complaining about the heat, walking naked for glorious furniture to see, I have been socializing! After a well-thrown party on Saturday, lots of working, and such, I got the task of cleaning a major machine at work. While I was gone for a vacation in Ireland for 2 weeks, they managed to break the machine down and we weren't able to get it up and running again till AFTER I got home and fixed it. It's a easy machine to maintain, but once it breaks down, hell breaks loose as well. So I got the sole responsibility for it(How smart!) and I maintain it after work. Because during work, I am dealing with customers all day. So I didn't get home on Tuesday before... 01:00 in the morning yesterday. Exhausted, I went home and overslept most of the day yesterday. However, yesterday evening, I had some close friends of mine coming over. Well, a subordinate and two friends of mine. We had some good laughs, ate and drank, and even played some Mario Kart 8. I wasn't able to keep track of who won, but it didn't really matter. It was a small cozy core of friends in the sofa and they were all happy. And with the wish for having a glass of whiskey and a cigar to one of them, which I did; I succeeded in meeting their every wish.

As for today, I've had a lot of things to fix. As I game now and then, I decided to get some upgrades here and there. However, I budget my paycheck and I had already used my gaming-paycheck that month. So I looked into the studio I own. Seiken Studios - They had still a rather large amount of the budget yet and saw myself drawing connections in how I could push the money through. So by writing it off as "Upgrades for the office" - which it really is in a major way, I managed to get a very powerful soundcard, a HD-webcamera, a Professional Microphone along with sneezeguard and a shock-mount. So today I am setting those things up, and making sure the are working properly before I start to get jobs that requires said items.
 
Night again... I was invited out to a festival that's taking place where I live tonight. I didn't go. I was invited by a friend to play zelda and drink some beers with him. I didn't go. It could be because I was ever so slightly hangover today, but I would say it all boils down to... pain(?). It's perhaps a delayed reaction, but I keep thinking of the women I've been with. What each have individually meant to me and taking pieces apart and putting them back together, analyzing the relationships. I've done this a thousand of times, but it feels like I am finally getting somewhere. Well, I feel so at least. It's sad to.. stare off into the night, pondering if you're going to be alone for the rest of your life. Then on the other hand, I've managed to cope very well on my own. Although, it's the "need" for someone, you know... And while I usually am - I am not talking about sex. But someone that wants to share a great portion of life with you. Oh, I'm still young and I'm sure I will meet a lot of other people who I will grow attached to and then hurt again. Heh, this might even be a fragment of the worst pain I will ever feel. But who knows... I've traveled the world for the women I really want, but I rarely get it returned.

Going over my last one hurts the most. Being denied the opportunity to sit down like adults and talk things through and part as friends, or.. well, strangers. It'll be gone in some time, and I might even come back here and roll my eyes as of how silly I sound, but.. It just hurts, you know? After each relationship, I grow as a person. I become experienced and becomes a better person. However, one major drawback is... My soul hardens. I like to say that my heart has iron gates to it. Huge iron gates that takes a little while to open due to the weight of the doors. To begin with, when I was young, it was wide open. I was naïve and didn't know what love was. Then I got my first crush, but learned she didn't really care much for me. So the gates closed. Over the years, ton after ton was added to its weight and it would be more and more difficult for others to open. However, with a certain few selected, they saw me and in some way; made the iron doors fly open. Exposing who I as and what I wanted. It was shameful at first as I was exposed and vulnerable, and I prayed that I wasn't taken advantage of. While I still ponder to this day if I were or not, it became less and less embarrassing for each time, and eventually one door was always open so people could come and go as they pleased, almost having my heart out for show. Although, one day, I closed it and put chains around the lock.

Now and again, the doors have flown open, but right now, the doors were pushed closed... And not by me. It's that discomfort I feel very much right now, and it just doesn't feel right. I know it's something I will have to overcome, but if there are for examples strains of blood vessels going from your heart to someone else and then the door is closed before you can cut the vessels... well, it's going to hurt like a bitch.

Right now... They're closed. They're tattered with moss, scrapes here and there, even blood splattered a little bit upwards the doors. I grow weary... I grow tired... I grow lonely...
 
Waking up today, I quickly finding myself in the house of a friend of mine. Reaching for my head with my hand, the palm of my hand was met with immense pain on the inside of my head. I tried to roll over where I was lying to get some more rest, but a fly kept bugging me(Ha! - little joke there?) and there was no rest for the wicked. Getting up, I was all clammy and it felt just... gross. Then I realized what I had been doing. The little whiff of me feeling down had caught my friends and I got invitations to all sorts of crazy things. I'm not even allowed to be alone anymore, which kinda sucks. Entire July, I've always worked weekends and weekdays, leaving me with perhaps 5 days off in total. Either way, since a plan of mine to join my parents on a vacation, I took some days off, but it was cancelled and I really wished to just relax and enjoy myself.

However, alcohol was involved... So waking up, I remembered all the crazy things we did. Not going to list them here, but it's safe to say I was hangover and horny, haha. But, due to lack of sleep, I threw myself in the car and drove home. Intoxication is luckily not something that alters me too much, but sleepiness does. Just a few days ago, a friend of mine and I were gaming some Wii at my place and I started falling asleep. I was drifting in and out, and my mind started playing tricks on me, hence making me hallucinate. It was interesting to say the least, and my friend had a good laugh of it.

Going over my feelings as of how I felt the other night, I feel more at ease. If it's my head being able to wrap itself around sour facts, but take things into consideration and draw conclusions which pushes me on, or if it's because of my friends treating me like a king, I don't know. But I think it's a combination of both. It grew to the point last night where I suddenly had to let a burp out. It wasn't your average burp, but a loud scary roar as of a lion. The room was filled with silence and it was in the middle of songs, so it was all quiet. Blushing a bit I added "Says the king." afterwards and everyone started laughing before applauding me. I was embarrassed but happy at the same time.

The day before yesterday turned out to be a rather interesting one. My best friend noticed that I was feeling down and said "You! You're coming with me to a party. I'm driving!" Me - "What, party? No no.. I'm just gonna chill this weekend.. I .. I don't want to party." But in the end, he managed to get me dragged along. With his littlesister(who just turned 18). She kept eyeing me in the car and I could tell she was into me. However, he told me to stay away from her, and.. well, I'm a bro. When one bro tells you to stay away from his sister, you f'ing stay away. Not wanting to make her brother sound like a douche, I didn't tell her(as she really implied she was a strong independent woman), so she was a bit let down when I didn't show the same interest in her. Either way, I don't think it mattered too much to her as she ended up making out and getting fingered in some nearby bushes later that night by a guy my friend did not talk to.

She did, however, claim that she would be able to drink me under the table. Having several years of experience and thinking it'd be fun to get her really drunk, I took her on. However, we played a game called Horse Race. It's where you place all the aces out and place a bet on them. So if I place 5 sips of beer on Spades, I need to take the 5 sips there and then, but if my card wins, I get to give out 10 to people of my choice. The way they win is that we shuffle the rest of the deck and flip out one card on the table. So if for example there is.. four of spades coming out, my ace of spades gets to move one square up(Squares are determined by cards with their back up being placed along the side of the table, and determines how many "rounds" a card needs to win. And once every ace has passed one "square-card", the card is flipped and that symbol has to move one square back. Kinda like:
|
|
|
|
|
|
^Square-cards
Aces -> žžž֋ ֋ ֋ ֋



Either way, to my point; She kept betting crazy amounts like 20(then she can give out 40) and the bitch kept winning. And who was her favorite pet to give them all away to? Yeah, me. So over the night, I had 85 drinks thanks to her... Feeling my body starting to struggle with the alcohol, I decided to stop going easy on her. I placed one crazy bet of 40 and almost was taken down by that, but I won and gave her 80. The results were... well, getting so drunk and going into the bushes with the other guy. But the fun thing(for my at least, I feel sorry for the host) is that the host had one of those sparring-swords. The ones you use to practice swordfighting with(Got many friends who practice swordmanship due to our viking ancestors) and she was fondling around with one. Towards the end, she stood up and was going to point it at me as she was rather mad, but she was so drunk so she slipped it sideways over the table, something that left it cleaning the table by pushing everything on the floor onto the guy's xbox. Drinks, snacks, cards - everything!
 
As soon as I walked in to work today, I was met with a rather... curious look from one of my co-workers. She wasn't set up to work today, so my first question was "Why are you here?". Well, in my head it was. I of course greeted her nicely and then asked her. I work with only women. Well, the CEO is a guy, but my superior is a woman, my partner is a woman and my assistant is a woman. One would think that there are things going on between me and them, given I'm the only working guy there, but I've set some treshold to uphold where I retain a strict professional relationship with all of my colleagues.

Either way, I was told there was going to be a meeting tonight. While I still found it weird she was there to let me know, I was quickly dragged on to the thought of the meeting. "A meeting? That late?" The meeting is around 10:00PM, so I really grew curious about what the agenda was on this meeting. She was sadly not able to inform me of any agenda. So I guess I have to wait and see. Although, we ended up talking and she said she had taken care of a few maintenance things while I had been away. I am usually in charge of most of them as my superior is gone for another month, so she backed me up on the days off.

So, going through my little list of things to do today, I find myself being done with 75% of it before even 25% of the time has passed of which I am working. So trying to kill some time and put the tasks out over the day, I am here on the PC, checking news, Bluemoon, email etc. I can't help but think about the meeting tonight. I feel excited, but at the same time kinda nervous. It's not usual for my CEO to organize these kinds of things, but if it turns out to be a party, I'm glad I got tomorrow off - to say the least. Been quite a lot of drinking lately. It's a common action to result to when one go through a breakup, but it's quite rare in my case. I remember... going through the one I had before this one. With a woman from America. I wanted to drink all my problems away. Not having done it before and before I could tell if it worked or not; I had seen lots of peoples do it IRL and in moves, thinking there must be something to it since they all did it. Well, it didn't really work out the way I had planned. At the time, it wasn't for me to just sit down and start drinking. I had to desire it. Desire the taste and the feeling. Desire only one of the sensations, and it will fall out of balance. Well, not going to take the whole thing here now, but needless to say I wasn't cut out for it. I'm not like everyone else...
 
Yeah, so I had the meeting today... Going rather blunt about it; the company has decided to shut down. We were reporting a steady increase of 60% increase in all sectors of income, and I just don't understand why the company would shut down, but I'm not really in any position to do anything. All I know is that I will be without a job in... well, a month. So.... Well, I am surprisingly calm about it all. I guess I've taken the whole thing as a challenge. Life kicks you in the nuts, taking the thing you love and need to sustain your way of life, but I'm getting exhilarated as of getting an opportunity to take a showdown with life.

But all is not lost. I've been pulling some strings, and the CEO said he'll indeed write me a powerful recommendation. So with the strings I pulled, I should be able to get a job at a industry park close by at one of the offices(if not in the production in the factories), leaving me making 6400 USD after taxes each month. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise? Either way, my mind is a bit unsettled by it all, but my morale is up. All I guess I need now is some proper roleplay to keep myself a bit distracted. Hope my partner will be replying soon...
 
Things have started to settle down and I feel rejuvenated in a way. By keeping problems, struggles and issues up for myself for a longer period of time, my mind dives into a sea of tranquility instead of falling over the edge. Now, this sea of tranquility doesn't appear from nowhere, and it doesn't mean I can't fall off the edge. The reason I manage to feel rejuvenated without my situation heading for the better just yet is perhaps the opportunity to start anew. I got a new apartment(my current place), I can get a new GF and I need to get a new job. Change is good, however, too much change can be chaos. While it's much changing right now for me, I cling to some things I know and it helps me come through with it.
As for the times I fall over the edge... Well, it's rare. I can't really recall much of last time, but I basically becomes mentally unreachable for the rest of that day. I guess it could be the same as a proper hangover, haha. To be quite.. apathetic and perhaps even melancoholic and just wander around aimlessly pondering one's very existence. Well, while it might not be that serious, it's in the same direction.

I've worked up a thing I like to call "Overload". It is when my mind sharpen and increases my productivity a whole lot. I become precise, quick and effective. I also get extremely polite for some reason, and my way of speaking becomes rather.... adequate~ At first, when I tried the mode, I was quick but uncoordinated. However, over the years I believe I've managed to next to perfect it and am now enjoying the fruits of that. There is sadly one drawback by overloading myself. The feedback that comes when the effect ends. I get dizzy, vision gets blurry and I need to rest for a few minutes. So I use my overload mode carefully and only in selected situations.

My sleep pattern has taken a blow of my days off. I made 4 days for myself off this past week and weekend, but due to not being able to get Friday off, I had to be home those days. And then I came in on Monday, worked and had Tuesday and Wednesday off. Almost 6 days in a row. While I am not complaining too much to finally get some rest and sparetime, it was obviously not really that good for me. I'm not saying I'm one of those who freaks out and can't take care of oneself once they're out of a job, but I felt that I needed to make the best out of the few days I can get off to make the days worth it. - Gotta end this abruptly, so I will continue... ASAP.
 
So, it's been... one day, or perhaps two? - Since I wrote here last, but here I am again.

A couple of things have happened. The new owners of my company have come in and brought with them a couple of apprentices that they want me to teach. Imagine this; You're getting fired and are forced to train your replacements. Heh, at first I really wanted to do a crappy job, making sure they fail and hire me back. Many people told me to as well, including my parents! - But I am taking the high-road. I decided to be kind and understanding. So I did my best to teach them what I know, teaching them exactly what they need to do in a lot of situation and how to win customers over to their side. Really, I treated them just like the way I treated newcomers who replaced colleagues over the years who quit.
And the results...? Well, I got a phonecall last night. It was the CEO. He said he had heard some really good things about me and they wanted to have a meeting the coming week. What that had happened was that; The apprentices had been talking and the CEO picked it up. Now, imagine if I had done a crappy job by teaching them... I would for sure not get hired back in, I'll tell you that. But before I open any bottles of champagne, I'll continue my humble work till then. After all, they might just ask me for suggestions of how they can improve and then dump me.

I have some more to share, but it will have to wait for another time. I just felt like getting this off my chest and... well, if there's any regulars out there who reads this, I guess you appreciate some updating, no?

PS: Got my left arm messed up in an accident at work yesterday. It's recovering, but I can't write as much or in the same quality that I could before. Well to some degree, but.. it's becoming a great hassle. I love writing, but when a thing makes something I love into a hassle, then I hate the thing.
 
The thought has come around to when I find myself wanting to write down exactly what I want instead of things I feel "obliged" to. For example; I like to write what's going on in my life, what I do on my sparetime, at work and whatnot, but there are several details I feel leaving out. Like... dating life and my darkest thoughts~ This is after all a site for mainly roleplay and fun, and everyone can really see what I write regardless.

But to start with one thing, I just had two days off. It was a couple of... interesting days to say the least as I managed to do what I always do on my days off; Not relax. I work a great deal during the weeks, so the few times I get a day off, I feel like I need to overcompensate for the times I work by "relaxing" too much and thus it becomes a "burden" instead. For example; Gaming. I'm a hardcore gamer and could be gaming far into the night, just cause I wouldn't be able to on a regular worknight. Although, none of that happened these 2 past days. I went to a party on Saturday with some friends of mine which turned out to be... rather interesting. Now, I know I said I wouldn't write about my dating life and such; but guess what! I changed my mind, and given this is my thread - I can write what I want~
Ahem, but I brought a date to the party and kiiiiiiinda brought a different one with me home. To clarify; The one I brought had a good time and all, but she was working in the morning. I already knew this and we was ok with her leaving early. The other one told me we should go to my place after talking for a while and shrugging, I decided to agree to that. I was drunk and my judgement wasn't my greatest when it came to saying no to bring anyone home. Either way, we get home, talk for a little while and we pass out on the sofa. Or, at least I did. I was alone in the morning after.

So, waking up, I found some messages on my phone. One thanking me for an awesome night, one thanking me for an awesome night and that she was looking forward to see me at work later on, and one asking me out for a date. So... Apparently; I need to get drunk more often, haha! Either way, I want to make it clear to my readers; I'm not one to lead people on for nothing. Like, the one I brought to me to the party already knew it was just as friends/co-workers with mutual interests in both social surroundings and personal interests. The one I brought with me home knew I am often around for just fun and that I let them know whenever I don't want anything serious. However, the girl that poked me the day after, asking me out for a date is an uncertain end. I will need to go to the date to see what she wants first. I barely know her, but I will admit that I am a bit nervous. I haven't been nervous for quite many months so it's kinda nice.

So lately; my head has been swarmed with thoughts. We're apparently going to be at my place and I can't help but wonder what we are going to do. Should I prepare dinner, or a light dessert? Should I serve drinks, or should I just put a movie on with some snacks with? Is she a soda-person, or does she enjoy wine? I don't think I've ever been on a such date as this before... I really find it exhilarating and new as most of the other dates I've had has been initiated and executed in... well, different ways where the "agenda" pretty much has been planned already.



Sometimes, I question the members of this site. Having spoken with perhaps.. 10 of you aside from the RP-ad I've been having about, people seem to stop.. replying. Not as in disappearing, but really going quiet. We could be having a nice conversation in PMs, and suddenly; nothing more from their site. It kinda leaves one to ponder if you are a boring person to talk with and the other part goes "Nope, do not want anymore!" and then doesn't reply even though my last PM contained questions, suggestions or perhaps even a longer message which was upon request elaborated around a topic. But what can I say; We're all humans. I bet some of them even haven't noticed they've gotten a PM or thought they replied, or thought they didn't get a reply. I like to believe the latter.

Right now, I have a beard. It's not a huge beard, but it's a beard to be "proud" of. I'm contemplating if I should shave or not. Being a hardcore gamer, I often stream the games I play, and even got a HD-webcam that runs like liquid for when I do. Although, not that I think it would make a big impact or not, but I wonder if I would be the type to look good as I currently am without a beard. Or if I would freak too many people out. Haha, I've had people nuzzle it while they've been falling asleep before, so I guess someone likes it, but... I feel like I'm left to wonder. Perhaps I'll find out after the date.


Oh, by the way. I know at least one of you have asked me about what my thought process is to reply to RPs, and I thought I'd share it with all of you!
First off, it's reading what my partner wrote. Reading to understand.
Secondly, it's imagening the scene out of what my partner wrote.
Third, it's all about imagening how I would react in person(or as the character I write as) would react and behave to all of this before the last fourth step is to put it down on the "paper".

This process allows me to get creative and detailed. When reading my partner's answer and placing me in the scene, I try to catch up all the small details. Where am I? What have I Done to get here? Where am I going? Who's with me? What are they doing? Where are they going and where are they from? - It's all there and I try to take the most essential details with me to create a good story in both quality and quantity. But don't get me wrong; I could make huge texts about next to nothing. It's something I feel many authors does... But that's when I always go; Quality of quantity.



I feel like this post got a bit weird and unorganized. But then again; aren't they all? Hehe, well, if anyone have suggestions about the date and "agenda", do give me a poke. However, I'm not worrying too much. By just being myself, I've traveled the world several times, and I don't plan on stopping being myself just yet to get what I want. I hope my PMs gets replied soon, but I'm not going to sit idle by. My RP partner has replied to our RP and I will get back into replying there in quality as my hand has made a nice recovery.
 
Been a couple of busy days. My studio is getting tons of work, something which is really nice given that I might lose my job soon(saying might as I haven't been in the meeting yet.) Although, the work at my studio is poorly paid for now and half of it is volunteering to get more publicity. It's a good way of showing off at the market. Either way, I want to talk to you all today about...


Bus people.

By all means; this is not meant to be any offense against people taking the bus and so, but I haaaate people taking the bus. With that said; I am forced to do it myself, and I really look at it as an economic way to get around, so it's not the bus trip itself, but the people there. Let's take one person who sat across the midway to me. She was a large round woman with an afro. I didn't mind her shape or appearance, but I minded her behavior and words. Having a rough voice, almost sounding like a dying man, she would go on and on about how tall her hedge in her backyard was getting and how crazy it was to cut it. I didn't really have any words to say at that point, but I just stared at her. I stared at her like luigi stares at you after jamming a green shell up your anus in Mario Kart 8. I felt the hatret for humanity burned in me, just to let it all be relieved by the buzzer go and she went off. Looking at my fellow passengers, I saw they were all calm and were talking silently with each other. But the woman who was there recently was loud, obnoxious and completely oblivious to her surroundings.

*Sigh* Then it kinda hit me. It's a special kind that takes the bus often. Well, there are several special kinds who takes the bus, but she was one of the kind that you never see otherwise. Kinda like gamers. You only see them if you invite them somewhere, or if there's a new game coming out. The kind of people you never see elsewhere... Only on the bus. I thought it was a bit funny in hindsight, but oh well. Just sneaking this link in here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL5l3k7vBsk

Today at work I got a new assistant. It's a guy and we got along quickly. However, he's one of the new guys that's taking over. Growing a bit concerned when I heard about their plans for the place, I kinda don't want to stay here anymore. They have... ambitions. HUGE ambitions. Way too huge for this place. So what will happen is; The ambitions fall through, they grow and evolve big, but if they can't keep the flow of customers(which they will take quite the blow of when I and the "old ones" quit), it will all cave onto themselves. I won't be there to get it all on me. We also talked a bit about girls and the likes, and I mentioned I had a date on Thursday. While he's rather young, I din't rely on him on any help on how I should handle it on Thursday, but... I've thought to myself I'll ask her if she'd like dinner, then a movie, drinks and talking. Perhaps we'll even end up playing some games. My goal will be to not get her into the bedroom. My dates have a tendency to go there, but... I want to try this the "regular"-way. I like to address it to as my "Hardmode-date". Haha, but it's all fun and games... At least for now.

But I am a bit concerned... I can't wait to get home to a good shower, a meal, reply to my lovely RP-partner and get to work on some projects that I might get finished tonight if I'm good. Perhaps I'll even update my book on this site too?~
 
So, this just happened; I was at work(as usual =.=) and this guy comes in. Not sure who this is, he calls me out by my name and tells me to come outside. Being quite unsure what this all was about, I follow and see several men sitting around a table in the parking lot(!) and tells me to take a seat. There we sit as the cars go by and people walking past us and they all stare at me. The guy who summoned started talking and introduced himself as the "manager". Realizing who this was(The guy below the CEO) I looked over at the CEO who was at his left side. They had heard of my effective work and downright pleasant behavior and wants me to work for them. I will get a raise, perks and even a flexible work-schedule that will allow me to come and go as I please a little bit more. But not enough with that; He wants me to more or less shape the local into the ideal work-place and place for business. Being a big overwhelmed by all this, I couldn't stop thinking of the pay. And it didn't stop there - I will now always have two subordinates directly below me. Sometimes 3, but starting out with 2 till I've taught them before taking in another one.

Feeling I had won the lottery(which I kiiiiiiiiiinda did(gettting the position and all)) I told them that I'll have to consider this all, just not to seem overly excited and ending up on agreeing to something stupid, but also because I am a bit uncertain. While that's all well and good, I really want a job at the industry park. So I told them that I'll stay with them for a few months, to make sure they're running smoothly and helping them out, but also told them that I will try myself at this other place as well. So if I get in on the other place; I will leave them trained and in a good shape. But if I don't get a new place, well... I'll groom the place as my own - as it next to is as it's right now.


Can't write much more as I need to dash for my bus(*Sigh*), but hope to write more tonight!
 
My new microphone came today! Well, it came yesterday, but I got it set up today. I now have the full package complete. :) High-end soundcard, the most powerful 2.1 speakers for a computer - well at least the minijack-style; High-speed HD webcamera in 1080p - one of the better microphones from putbull audio completed with a spitguard and a stand. Only thing I need to do now is to upgrade my internet a little bit, but... Really, the speed is already quite good. Streaming and working with my studio will be so much better now. I have had a few orders coming in on some videos, but I've put them on hold till I get my new microphone. So with that, I want to invite whoever wants to chat with me to add me on skype using "xyfirus" and just include in the friend-add message that you found me on Bluemoon. And yes, I mean; whoever from this site in case you go thinking "He probably doesn't want to talk with me..." As to why I want to invite you for a chat - I'm a vocal person. I like to chat and fool around.

As for the hours... Well, I have tonight off and tomorrow. So I will be around tomorrow around 14:00GMT+1(08:00GMT-6) and onwards for the rest of the day. More or less. As for tonight... No promises. It's soon 18:00 here, and I'll be leaving for an unknown period of time after 20:00, but unsure when/if I'll return tonight.

Either way, this little entry wasn't just to boast about my new setup. It's also to talk a little about my book. Given that I have very little time these days and mostly on the run, I don't get time to sit down to create proper creative texts. I have several levels of writing. I would say you have the light version, where it's casual chat and I don't really think too much into sentences, words or if I even want to fix the grammar. Then we have the average version which I am typing in right now. An eye is out for the grammar but also for typos and the likes. Advanced is my best version where I go all in to work the grammar around as good as I can. Sure, there are still mistakes there and then, but as I am writing, it will be as good as I can write there and then. It takes a lot of energy, and drains one quickly unless one have the proper motivation. With the proper motivation, I could go on for hours if I have the time, but that's something I sadly do these days as mentioned above.

The story of my book is already "written". In my head. I know how it's supposed to end, and I have several ideas that I want to add as well. However, the process gets a bit complicated early. Writing a story needs a red line. Or at least my teacher told me so. While it's a while since I was in school, I decided to create my own story on my own premises. I've several times been told to read other people's books or works, but I want to be "untainted" and write in my own way. So with lots of plots and ideas in my head, it's all about putting them in the right order, and where they make sense. Now, the story won't be a group going from plot to plot, but I will work hard towards having the whole thing being seamless, so it just becomes a story. Plain and simple like that. Many does the "double-stitch" where they go back to previous events and such, something I've considered using, but.. I haven't made up my mind regarding that yet. I don't think that's something I need right now, at least my fans doesn't think so(got a small fanbase for now <3) but who knows?
The story's ending is... going to be grand. Well, the first book's ending at least. Given I have so many ideas and thoughts about the story, I've realized I need to make 3 different books. Perhaps even 4, but... We'll see! all I know is that twisting the plot is desirable these days, but they need to be done right. Let's have an example: In Breaking Bad; (SPOILER!!!!) - When Hank finds out who Heisenberg is, it's a huge plot twist for him.(SPOILER ENDING!!!) And I would say it's done right. However, if you say this for example; You grow up with your parents and at the age of 20, they tell you "Your dad is actually your mum, an your mum is actually your dad" - It's a plot twist indeed, but it's a bad one. I find it a bit hard to get down on paper, but I like to believe I know how to tell the difference between the two.

Ah, but now I am rambling. I should probably end it here and tidy up my place a little bit. I've been invited to a quiz at the local bar. As I rarely do much socially with friends like those kind of things, I decided to do it tonight. While I know nothing about nothing, I guess it'll be a little bit fun at least? :) Either way, I MIGHT be available for a few minutes right now if anyone were to take me up on the offer of skype.
 
Interesting things happen all the time. While I invited a lot of people to come have a chat with me on skype yesterday, the results was something I hadn't really taken into account. I mean, I knew how things would go in a sense, but the final product wasn't really according to plan. But with that said; I enjoy where my ideas takes me. I'm one for adventure and I'm really excited whenever I see things taking a different turn from what I planned - if of course; it's for the better. If I am going home from a bar and takes a taxi, only to see it starts driving in the opposite direction of where I live, I kinda go "Oh fuck, who wants me dead now?!" Haha.

Either way, I want to thank all of you who had a little chat with me yesterday. It was pleasant and I hope to see many of you again, along with new ones! :) It's for sure not the last time I will do anything like it. When next time is, however, is uncertain. Perhaps I'll keep it weekly, or monthly? We'll see.

But, to change the topic a little bit... To my date on Thursday. For those of you who aren't up to speed about it; I got acquainted with this girl, and I want to learn more about her. However, my mind subconsciously works towards the kinky sides of me(I'm a sick twisted perverted man Haha) and I honestly just wanted to sit down with this woman and have a chat. To learn who she is and.. well, become friends.

So, she comes over and we're having a glass of wine and talking a little bit. But subconsicously, my mind pushes me towards kinky thoughts and my hands are... well, they know what they're doing. So I am on a good way down into her blouse before I kinda stop myself and withdraws a little bit. She didn't seem to be puzzled by my sudden retreat, but I believe it was because she thought we should go to the bedroom. Luckily I managed to intercept her by saying; Hey, do you like quiz? Some friends invited me and, well, We could go? - I had taken a little "showdown" with my brain before I retreated. I know that I couldn't go on like this and I needed something to distract myself from it. So, the quiz I was invited to was perfect.

So we ended up going there. We go to the bar first to have a drink.(Which wasn't really too good as I didn't eat anything before going out... So a beer would be a good place to start, but noooo... A drink it was.) So having a very strong drink, we both went out into the common area(Well, outside area) and sat down. We were quickly greeted by the girl I brought's sister and her boyfriend. And thus our team was formed. We got to the finals and went on extra-rounds. Sadly, the last one was "guess this one fastest!" And they were slightly faster than us after getting tied in the final and all the other extra rounds. So, biting the side of defeat, we were good sports about it and praised them. After all, it's all fun and games. Well, I don't remember much more of the night, other than we had fun, played some pool, I was offered to grab the girl's sister's boobs by her BF and then being invited from a threesome next week. And all I really wanted was to get to know the girl I brought with me. Either way, not sure if I said yes or no to the threesome, I at least got a couple of friend requests the other day. My wallet was empty, but my heart was full. Hehe, kinda poetic, but it's how I felt.

Having a hangover with legendary pain, I began the round and talked with those who added me on skype. It was a rather pleasant afternoon...
 
Yeah, I need to stop saying "Yes" to adventures alright... So this is what happened; After a long day at work this Saturday, I go home. Being all tired and want to snuggle down in bed, I came to think about that I promised a female friend of mine to join her on a drink at a new bar in town. Thinking I honestly can't as I have work in the morning, I send her a text, letting her know. So I was sitting at home, just relaxing a little bit. I decided to stream to keep my mind occupied and talk with a friend on skype. In the middle of it, a friend of mine rings my door and wants me to drive him home. Living in the city, he had been at the local pub and had some drinks and was wasted. Since I was in the middle of a game, I tell him to come in but to wait till I am done with the game. So he walks around in my apartment, proceeds to drink all my beer and having lots of shots before he gets a phonecall from a mutual friend of ours that he could catch a ride with him. While being still in the game, I find it relieving that he would soon leave as he did quite the number in disturbing me in my gaming-zone.

Ah, but either way. The ex of a very good friend of mine calls me up and says she's horny, lonely and drunk. Every guy's dream, no? Haha, she's smoking hot, but I find brains sexy, which she barely got. Either way, I tell her that I'll be right over to drive her home when I am done with the game. She's really happy about it and I wrap things up. I go to the place where she has been partying and it turned out that she was going to bring 5 guys along with her. So.. 6 in total(excluding me.) Now, with that said - I drive a normal car. A Nissan X-trail to be more precise. There are 2 guys too much! But she proceeds to sit down in the front seat next to me, lean over and whisper all soft and tenderly into my ear that she'll do "everything" to get me and her off the hook if we get stopped by the police(which there was a lot of that evening, patrolling the streets!)

I am usually not one for doing things like that, allowing more people in the car that got seatbelts, but I was put in a rather.. delicate position, and decided I'd go through with it. So while driving, I did all sorts of crazy side-roads I could find and think of, just to avoid any possible police cars. Several times the guys she brought with her(that slut~ haha) freaked out, thinking I would kill them since they didn't know me, or remembered why I would take side-roads to avoid the police, even though I reminded them quite often. Oh, but we end up getting there... They pay me a rather generous amount of money which I first wanted to decline, seeing we're friends after all, I and her, but I ended up taking it since they were quite persistent and was about to highen the amount.

On the way back, I almost run over two adults as they run into the street in front of the car. Screaming and shouting, I roll down my window to tell them off, but they were drunk, confused and pleaded me to drive them home. Shrugging in a sigh I decided to do exactly so, seeing their home was on the way to my home. So I tell them to get in(two strangers that is) and I start making our way towards their house while they keep praising me what kind man I am, how lucky they are, etc. I told them that they're rather lucky as there are a lot of shady guys out there, but I am an honest man. Well, as much as I can. So I drive them home, and give them my account number which they really wanted. I doubt I will get any money at all as they seemed rather uninterested in me when I rolled up their driveway, but I didn't really mind either way. I was heading that way after all.

However, now starts the interesting part of the evening... I get a phonecall on the highway towards my place. It was the guy who was at my place in the first place who had my beers and shots. He tells me to pick him up at his place and drive him to the chick I was supposed to see that evening. Thinking he's going to get laid or something, he tells me that she wants me to come as well. Without putting too much thought into it all, I end up picking the guy up and driving him over. He tells me that she had been really horny and wanted me to come inside too to "pay me". Laughing it off as its probably just his drunken ass talking, surely enough she welcomed me into her home when we got there. Standing only in the panties, it was clear what she wanted. However, when we got inside, she kept shh'ing us. My friend asked what was up with the shh'ing and she said "Nothing!" Well, it turns out she had a guy in the bedroom upstairs. Growing really curious with my friend, we started making our way up the stairs to see who this was, but she stopped us.

I asked why she called us over if she already had a guy, but she said he was super-sexy, but he had a really really small dick. Laughing with my friend, we REALLY wanted to see who this guy was now, since she wanted a threesome now, but in the end, we managed to convince her that we're going to get this guy going so we could have the bedroom. We get up and open the door slowly. Before going on, I asked if the guy was sleeping or naked, but she said no. The guy was sleeping, and he was naked. How I knew? Well... first thing I saw was a huge asshole that the sheets didn't cover as soon as we walked in. And he didn't react to our merciless laugh-a-ton right in front of him, so he was definately not conscious. The chick flushed all red and tried to calm us down, but after 5 minutes, my friend and I had calmed down and was walking around checking who this guy was. My friend and the guy in the bed used to be best friends, something that didn't help his laughter. But what made me speechless was....

Well, you know when you go through a day and see that one guy all the time, everywhere. At the store, on the street, on the bus, at the bar, and,.... well, now in the bed, haha.(I've been knowing the guys for years too!) He wakes up and sees my friend and goes "Oh fuck, what are YOU doing here??" I am trying to hide as the new CEO of my company is a very good friend of this fellow, so I am not sure if he should see me. But eventually nobody cared about anything anymore, as my friend kept telling the guy in the bed that the chick wanted us to remove him cause he had a small dick and wanted to have a threesome instead. The chick felt really bad about him hearing the awful truth, and pretended it wasn't what she said by laying down with him and touching him. We were bullying him a little bit about his small penis and having the chick call friends over to remove him cause of it, but eventually settled down as he snapped and said "Yeah, so what?! I can at least not get a boner with you two idiots here!" - After he said that, I don't know why, or remember exactly, but we started talking about a foursome! Where he could fit just nicely into her rear, I could choose between pussy or mouth, while my friend would take whatever. He would fuck an eyesocket if she was even into that. It ends up that my friend and I decided to leave as she didn't seem interested in the end, after we showed up. So I drove us both home while he was so upset he didn't get to have a threesome with me and her. While I am straight myself, I can share a woman as long there is no swords crossing. However, my friend is bisexual and would love to have me with him.

Ah, but either way... We get home and I look at my watch. 3 hours till work starts... Sighing, I Decided to not go to bed. It's best for me to stay awake since; If I got to bed when I am really tired and need to get up in the matter of a couple of hourse, my body will shut off so hard that the only thing that can wake me is 8+ hours of sleep, or physical contact. Without having the option for either, I sat up with my studio and produced 3 songs instead. The songs became "great", I just made them for fun and was no real intent to them, but sharing them at a national group on facebook, I got good publicity and the guys wanted more. Over one morning I had 600+ views(which I think is really good for only linking it one place on facebook and as a fun-video). The whole next day I was getting messages and friendrequests from all corners of the country, and I didn't really know what to say.

And.. well, now we are here... very quiet at work today, and I am basically letting one on my subordinates mind the customers while I am doing "Work" back here. But given it's quiet, she's reading a magazine. I really need to stop saying "Yes" to adventures....
 
Did the gem of looking at my ex's profile page last evening. I've been told over and over again from memes on the internet and by friends that if you do that - you're bound to have a bad time. Well, I was told when I had a gf and was happy, but in a weak moment, I had to look. At first there was nothing really bad there, but just as I was about to click it away, I noticed she was in a new relationship. And not with just any guy - but an old and close friend of hers that she had been talking a little bit about and how awesome it would be to live with him. She did say that she would never be able to love him the way she did with me, though, as he is mentally friendzoned and doesn't rub her the right way...


Ah, why did I do this... All these thoughts, feelings, fears and considerations that I really thought I'd be able to skip by being "let go over time" of her is now here. I believe I need to deal with these head-on to then stand stronger again on the other side. Thing is; I am already very powerful. I am already very strong. What is the universe exactly preparing me for? It's hard to tell. I was once asked if I believed in faith or not. I said I did believe in faith, but that each and one of us creates our own faith. So I am reaping what I sow... Hopefully she will one day too, but I'm not going to sit around for that day to come. I spoke with her close friend(she was living with her close friend for the majority of the relationship) and she said that my ex had done some rather... curious choices. Like moving in with this old friend of hers. She had also been disguising the relationship we had as something else. If that's a step in her disappearance or not, I do not know. But all I know is that it won't bring her any luck and it will eventually all cave onto itself for her. I really wish I could help her, but because she has done as she has done, I am not able to.


But! - Forging ahead; I feel more and more rejuvenated as I write about this. Not because it's good to let it out, but basically as I've called my best friend in the middle of the night to freak out on him, talking to her close friend, and being able to look towards the future. Currently at work and going to be a rather quiet day here, so I got some time to chat with people on facebook. While I eventually will be fine in the end, it's refreshing to kinda get.. "A proper new start" in a way. Nothing holding me back as there was always a small chance I would get contacted by my ex again, but that won't happen in maaany years, I hope. So with this day, I started it off properly. I noticed I had gotten a bit chubby lately and did a "deal" with a friend of mine to lose some weight. So with that going for me, I need to focus my energy on the positive things. But; there will be enough energy to realize the truth and facts that might not be as positive. I will just cherish the positive more.
 
I've decided that I want to meet more of you interesting people of Bluemoonroleplaying! So with that said; Feel free to add me on skype by looking for "xyfirus" and let's have a chat! While last time was what I want to call; A success, I don't mind talking to you guys again, nor new people! I will be available from 17:00(11:00am for my American friends in GMT-6), and for a couple of hours. Hope to get to chat with YOU today! ;)
 
My mind is... a scary place. Dangerous to some. While I've gotten several times that merely the sound of my voice is enough to leave them dripping, I always tell them it's because it speaks the words of the mind. I don't have any enemies - something I am thankful for. I like to get along with everyone and find myself to be a rather decent person. However, with a mind like mine, what would I need enemies for?

I'm.. a realist. I like things served to me in a way I can relate to without it being fed through unnecessary positive or negative sides. Positive people have a way to... well, build illusions. Thinking everything is great and everyday is awesome because of their illusions that hide over all the bad things. Now, don't get me wrong - I salute those who do to a degree. It's just not for me. I have made a stand to take in the harsh truth to me, which only will make me stronger. However, I've experienced so much on the short time I've been in this world already, so I am pondering how much more I can take. How much it will be before I start closing my eyes and open them only to the positive things. I am a rather positive person, but that's because I put focus on them. Sure, I do notice the bad things, and even acknowledge them, but I don't let it drag me down(most of the time). However, seeing everything as it is takes a toll on a person...

When I really discovered what sort of an enemy my own mind was, it was some years ago. I had just learned that the girl I loved at the time was still sleeping with her ex-boyfriend while she loved me back and not him. She did it simply because... well, she had needs and had to keep an "agreement" if she was still to live in his house. The pain about thinking of them doing all the things in bed etc drove me to the point of insanity. A point which I thought I had reached a long time ago. The feeling was.. indescribable. It kept going on for some months before I was helped by some friends to make me realize; This had to stop. One way or another. I feel like it was like a bandaid. You know it's going to hurt when you take it off, but enduring much pain now will allow you to quickly get over it and heal. Won't go into details in how things ended, but I was happy and content in the end.

That was the first time... Now, I'm experiencing it again. Well, I can't say if she still loves me for sure, but that evening when I was a fool and looked on the facebook page... Well, it hurt. More than it should. I guess when we first parted ways, I pulled the bandaid off and it hurt really much there and then, but got over it. But seeing the profile, it's just like picking on the scab and having it start bleed again. I did the golden number last night, when I was in bed, imagine how both of them were in bed as well. I don't feel like a very smart man at this point! But yeah, if I keep going like this, the wound will eventually get infected. So I am writing about it all here to hopefully being able to relieve it as I don't really want to talk to any real-life friends, nor family. They are there for me, yeah, but I like to talk.. well, "anonymously" here. Perhaps even get an anonymous tips or so.

All in all, taking a few breaths and calming myself, I keep going back to my content state as I know she made a mistake and one day will realize it. If I will then take her back or not, I will have to decide. But one thing is for certain; I won't sway if someone else has picked up my heart.

Anyways, I promise this is the last time I'll make a post about my ex. I didn't really plan on it being so either, but given we had so much in common, pretty much everything I think about and like is things that can connect to her. While finding one with common interests and such is gold, it hurts like a bitch when it's over.




I have started the first double-shift now. Not looking forward to the rest of it. I've been at work... 1 hour now, and already done 50% of what I am supposed to do. Only 14 hours left... The diet thing is going well, but I can feel that I struggle already. The sweet tooth of mine hungers, but I've more or less managed to sate it for now. I woke up with a belly-ache today and was more or less crippled for 30 minutes, leaving me unable to prepare any lunch or dinner for today. So running on water, I can only hope I'll be fine, but this is not good for my body. At all. I haven't seen the guy I made the deal with for some days, and I am curious if he has been able to keep his end of the deal. Well, deal is perhaps not the right word, but; we agreed that we'd start eat healthy and work out a little bit. Given he has been a long-time obese person, and I'm feeling a little chubby, I can only imagine his struggle if mine has been this "great". Well, it's easy to control in a way, and if he doesn't fall through, but have already swayed for unhealthy food etc, I will continue doing this. It's not for him, but for me. When it comes to a diet, or really anything you do for your own good; You only end up fooling yourself if you try to fool anyone.
 
On a bit unrelated but happy note; Today at work, I am now... 9 hours into my 15 hours shift, and I have done everything I am supposed to do and even done extra stuff to both keep the place running smoothly, but also because I was a little bored. Either way; Today is the busiest day we have in the entire week. I usually have my assistent there(before the new CEO takes over) and we handle it together. However, as it's still considered to be a "vacation" over here, the current boss doesn't want my assistant around. So I am left to handle things on my own.

However, today was extremely busy. The customers even told me that I should get my assistent here. While I did tell them that I had been summoning reinforcements, they did not show on the time and I was left all alone to do a 3-man job, which I nailed perfectly. I really feel great about it, and it feels like something I need~ The reinforcements(My 2 new assitants) arrived a few minutes ago and they took one look around and saw everything was handled. My Boss and new CEO called to hear how it went and my subordinates went ahead and bragged about me and how I tackled it all. I am not sure how to react to praise like that, so I kinda went "Oh, stop it youuu~ <3 " Either way, I was modest about it. I hope this will benefit me in some way. The feeling was good, but I can feel that the toll of the overdrive(which I of course had to use) is going to be a big one tonight.
 
Walking to work today I heard something behind me. I was walking along a road leading to the highway with houses along. Looking over my shoulder, I see a woman coming down a set of stairs to my left and towards her car. She was young, pretty and topless. I blushed quickly and looked away, but as the perv I am, I looked once more. She just smiled widely when she noticed me and winked at me before getting in her car. I was more or less speechless, not that I was going to say anything, but if she had said "Hi." I wouldn't been able to reply. I was still so sleepy and hadn't really prepared any dialogue at that moment.

So one could say my day started off just fine~ I'm currently at work and soon 2 hours into my 12 hour workday, but I'll have my assitants here now before the rush so I can more or less relax by the computer as they need the training. I will of course be available if they need consulting or guidance. On a little more upbright note, I took one of the MENSA-approved tests and scored within the "Very superior intelligence" section. Getting a rather ego-boost from that, I guess I perhaps should start acting my IQ too now? Haha, I have, however, felt superior in the forms on intelligence to most human beings though, and I find those with higher IQ only to leave me intrigued and wanting me to be associated with them. But I don't know... I often stand out as the silly person who are clueless, but get to know me on a personal level and you will get to see that there is much more than meets the eye....


Tomorrow, on Monday, a colleague of mine is coming over for... well, a date. However, let me clarify something first; We got a new boss. A new CEO that is. And he said they would want to start with a clean house, saying more or less that none of those who works there will be continuing further. So many of us started to do crappy work and not caring as "We're going to lose our jobs anyway". Well, as I've written earlier; I carry on my humble work and gets acknowledged for it and gets a offer from the new CEO to continue but with a promotion and more subordinates. It was then to my understanding that they wouldn't hire anyone else of us as the others did poor jobs, but there was one girl that I didn't notice the work of. She had also been carrying on as she usually did in respect of the current boss, and she was offered a job too. Before I knew this, I thought "Ah well, we're not going to be working anymore, so I might as well get to know her better, become friends and if things are there - perhaps more?" Either way, so I ask this girl over to my apartment for dinner etc etc, and she says yes with a chipper smile.

Sooo..... I am not sure what to do. Should I go through with it, and keep the dating-atmosphere there, or should I put her back into the.. well, friendzone? Ah well, I guess I'll proceed as planned and what happens happens. Sometimes it's nice to just let go and let life take over. Although, sometimes, even though it hurts, one need to pull ones sleeves up and take life by the throat and say "Your damn lemons had worms! Get your shit together!"
 
My date just left. I sit back with the feeling of... "Did that just happen?"

Allow me to elaborate, ladies and gentlemen!

Well, thinking about it, it's not really that much to elaborate... I was home rather late from work and I got around to prepare my penthouse, shower and make dinner rather late as well. When she got here, I had just started cooking, and because we started talking, it took quite a while, even though she was here exactly on the minute(She's really precise.) Either way, we sit down, have some dinner and drinks by candlelight and talks a little bit more. She tells me she haven't seen Walking Dead before, and I put on the first episode to show her. She really liked it, but in the middle of the next episode, her father calls and tells her to get home immediately(So she's home before midnight). She gets up to leave and I play it casual with an understanding voice and attitude while I am actually on the inside "...what? She's in her 20s and her dad decides what she can or can't do?" So without digging too much into that - I had fun with her, I had nice food and I think we should remain friends. Especially as we're going to be co-workers in the end at work under the new CEO. :)

So... *Shrugs* Not a bad evening. Didn't plan out the way I expected, but I enjoyed myself at least.
 
Feeling a little bit... "Transparent" today. It's a word I use to describe a feeling I get now and then. Not because I am transparent and people can see my motives, but I like the word in a way as it kinda best describes a little bit how I feel? The feeling I am refering to is to be kinda puzzled about where to go this day. Where this day is going and what you are supposed to do. I'm currently at work and there is nothing to do. The feeling includes the feeling of not belonging anywhere, and that I couldn't possibly have any impact on anyone. Perhaps an etheral state is better to say?

Either way, feeling this way, I blame a little bit on what happened yesterday after the date. Well, nothing happened, and I think that's the whole reason. After the date, I went on skype to talk with a friend of mine. We spoke, played some games and had fun. Then he went to bed as he had school in the morning, and I was left alone. Although, I was speaking with a girl earlier, and she said she'd be back later to poke me when she got back as she wasn't able to talk on skype at the time. Waiting, I sat there, trying to play some other games to make the time pass. However, being up since 7 the day before with only 4 hours of sleep, I got sleepy after waiting an 6 hours, and was still not contacted.

The last thing I remember was quitting the game I was playing before I woke up two hours later in my bed. Looking around, wondering how the hell I got there, I passed out again only to wake up one hour before I had to go to work. "Fuuuck" was the words I said out loudly as I realized I slept in the entire morning which I was originally planning on using to relax and have a little.. well, me-time(no naughties, promise =X) which was the original plan if I hadn't spent the night waiting.

But Either way, I hold no grudges. I think the person had a good reason for why she didn't show up when she said, and I got some much-needed rest anyways. It's important to see the positive outcome in this, even though important to acknowledge the negative thing of sleeping in on all of your spare-time.(If anyone remember what I wrote previously.)
 
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