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Evanescent Alvis

Alvis Alendran

Alvis Alendran

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Supporter
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Location
Canada
I don't do the journal thing. Never have. But what I should do, as it has been pointed out to me, is have a way of alerting people en mass of when I up and dissapear. Which, I regret, has happened more than I'm comfortable with. So...setting this up to alert people when I flake off for a while.

Hopefully I don't need to use this very often.
 
Offering a heads up to all those that I RP with. My replies might be getting a little...sporadic for a little while. Day of bad news has happened, so I might have a hard time getting the muse to cooperate with me.
 
Apologies to all of my RP partners. I've a depressive spiral trying to get a hold of me, so...I might be a little absent/distant in the near future. Hopefully I can get past it soon. I'll try to keep people in the loop about this
 
Back in the salt mines! Well, it's how it feels in some ways. I'm back to steady work, even if it is back in a call center. Really looking forward to getting a steady paycheck, and maybe even managing to resurrect my motivation for things, since I am finding it rather atrophied as of late. ><

I can't say I like the job, but I like the idea of steady full time work. So...I just have to get used to this whole getting up in hte morning thing instead of staying up until all hours of the night. Here's to hoping that I can pull that little feat off.
 
So I've been gone the last few days, and for that I apologise. But I'm out of the hospital, and in considerably better shape than I was when I went in!

To those I owe posts to, I plan to get back to you soon! I do hope you'll bear with me.
 
Been a while now. Few weeks I think since I showed up here. Been...not so much fun lately.

Got word that an uncle I had as a neighbour for a lot of my younger years has bone cancer in his jaw. And maybe elsewhere as well. If he's lucky it's just his jaw. If he's not, and it's elsewhere as well, he's been told that he's basically a write off, as the particular strain of this bone cancer is rare and largely resistant to most conventional treatments. So if just the jaw, he'll be okay. Here's hoping.

THe news kind of knocked the stuffing out of me, and has had me absent for the stretch, and to those I left in the lurch, I actually apologize. I should have at least gave some kind of heads up on the subject.

Just...didn't much feel like I had it in me to show up.
 
So they've done some of the checks on my uncle. Apparently he has no right jaw anymore. It's just a mass of cancerous tumor. So that made for an awesome thing to discover! They've done a CAT scan now to see if it's spread anywhere else in his head, and with it that far along apparently, I'm not holding out much hope that it's still isolated. Which means odds are that he's going to be a write off soon. And even if he isn't, the surgery to correct the jaw problem is going to be going on for 18 hour straight. Which puts him at even more risk, since it's all kinds of not safe to be under for that long. But it's apparently the only way to do it.

So I've been making a lot of trips out to see him, which means bumming a ride with my asshole of a brother, which adds even more shit to my pile And working in the call center sure as shit aint been a patch of roses. All the horseshit of that job piles up wuickly, adn I've actually just disconnected a few calls lately, just plain fed up with dealing with entiltled bullshit from people. Feel like I'm half a hair away from spilling apart at the seams.
 
Just a heads up for people that I'm writing with! I'm having some rather seriously problematic computer issues, so my responses may be slowed down accordingly! Hoping to have it sorted out soon.
 
Crawling Out of My Hole

Wow, it's been awhile since I poked my head in here for more than checking things out. Longer than I thought. Too long really.

I tend to not publicize the goings on in my life too much. I'm an insular person by nature. Trying to work on that really. Not too fair to people that can't knock on my door to call BS on me. And there's enough people here that I owe better to. I know damn well they wouldn't do this kind of thing to me. They're better than that.

Went through the worst depressive downspiral that I've had. Got pretty bad. Effected me more thoroughly than I'd imagined. I thought I was just miserable about my job, and a lack of forward momentum in my life. Turns out it was me pushing the awareness of the depression to the back of my mind. I got called on it. And that...went poorly. So I crawled into my depression hole, and told the world to fuck off and leave me alone. And it largely did.

But started to realize on my own that the hole wasn't helping, adn I was going to have to meet this head on sooner or later.

Had some breakthroughs, some moments that were a logn time coming. I'm not going to say my head is bolted on straight, but it's at least a little straighter than it used to be. And that means it's time to get moving again, reopen communications, and start interacting with the human race as it was.

For those of you that took note of my silence. Keep an eye on the horizon.

I'll be back soon.
 
To all of my RP partners! I apologise in advance, but I've got some thigns that need sorting out in my life right now, so I might need a few das before I can get back to you.

Bear with me. Replies to all of you are coming.

Thanks for your patience
 
Alvis you take all the time. Taking care of yourself is so much more important than any reply. I agree with DA. You're worth waiting for. So take your time, and if you need anybody to talk to you, you know where to find me.
 
To those I had issued an impending absence warning to:

I am rescinding it. The trip at this point is most likely cancelled, as one of the key components in the excursion has fallen ill, and is not fit to travel. And it's not me, I'm fine. So I will not be absent from posting over the next while.

Sorry folks, you're going to be stuck with me. :p
 
Thank you so much for your help today Alvis. You and DA are the best. *gives you a big hug and kisses your cheek* My heroes.
 
So finally caught something of a break!

After being unemployed for a few months, I finally got a call back. And I'm back in the saddle in two weeks time!

So the job is nice, I've a few excellent RPs rolling with some spectacular writers, and some of them really feel like they're hitting their stride now.

I don't want to jinx it, but...

Everything's comin' up Alvis!
 
To all of my partners. I have to apologise for the delay in getting back to all of you, thigns have eben a little hectic. I just got back to working, which has called for me to go from not having a fixed schedule, and being up most of the night to having to be back on a morning shift. ><

It's...been an adjustment.

I'm hoping that I'll have my shit together soon, and thusly be able to get all of my replies out soon.

Thank you for your patience. It is sincerely appreciated.
 
Old ground. Old familiar ground is normally a good thing to walk down, it's familiar after all. You can find some comfort in it. But that only works if the old ground is actually good ground. There's familiarity in some of the unpleasant paths too, and I'm finding myself wandering down those same paths that I've walked so many times I don't even notice them until I've already gone more than halfway down it. Bt then it's too late to turn around again.

There's anger in there, and bitterness. And I hold onto those as long as I can, because I know what follows behind them. And what mainly follows if a wonderful downspiral into depression and raw naked despair. ANd choices made during usually lead to brittle, jagged regrets.

I'm tired of these paths. Tired of where they lead. Tired of the anger, the bitterness, so tired of the depression and despair. I am tired of being tired.

I need to change things. I just don't know if I have it in me to make one big enough to matter anymore.
 
Almost done my job training, which will get me back to a schedule that I can work with. Not much on getting up in the morning like most folk. So that should get me back to writing properly.

To those of you that owe posts to, I am sorry for the delay, and will be getting back to you very soon!

Also been feeling a lot better in general lately, feeling like...well, me for the first time in a very long time. And that is a damned fine feeling!
 
Well, looks like Blind Guardian can still put on a show!

I've liked them for almost sixteen years, but they've never played close enough for me to get to. Until now.

Damn fine set, though I think I'll try for balcony seating instead of standing close to the stage. Not a big mosh person. Though standing that close did land me the show drum skin, signed by the drummer with a thanks for being an awesome crowd!

Good day overall, even of the trip home was kind of a SNAFU. But meh. Can't win 'em all!
 
So, I've been quiet these last few days, and to my partners, I am sorry for hte radio silence. But apparently, Black Friday is a weekend long production in my new place of work, and working a lot of hours in a fairly unforgiving setting makes for a long ass run.

Pretty much eat, sleep, work, repeat.

But I finally have a day off tomorrow! Expect to hear back from me then! All of you!
 
So, fair warning to people! My responses are likely going to be sporadic as shit for the next little while.

About an hour ago, my grandfather had a stroke, and is in hospital, so my writing might be...spotty for the moment.

Just wanted to make sure there was a heads up in place.
 
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