something magical happened to me tonight

I got texts from a stupid person who refused to believe they had the wrong number.

Stranger: Who dis?

Me: Rick James, bitch.

Stranger: Btc I’ll fuck u up now who dis

Me: According to google your area code belongs to the western part of Philadelphia. I assure you, I am not someone you know. If you’ve contacted this number in regards to people making trouble in your neighborhood I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong number. I’m from the Detroit area and we have enough shit to deal with.

Stranger: nigga u gave me dis number to day

Stranger: dis is jenice Party~sleep~repeat<3

Me: Might want to double check that then. Now, I don’t want to question your ability to get a phone number right, but something tells me you might have the wrong number… seeing as I have no idea who you are.

Stranger: lmao dis jenice cuz u got me fucked up bc u put ur fucking number in her fucking iPod I will beat up damn ass if u try some stupid shyt

Stranger: real talk dumb fuck so if dis her guy friend just say it right fucking now!!!

Me: I won’t give you a picture of myself as proof since you don’t believe me, but here is a picture of my cat



Stranger: Your damn ass

Me: Okay then, here is my work badge.

Can I have some of what the stranger said translated please? OK, so I kind of worked it out, sounded like a really freaky call from someone who shoots first and asks questions later, or at least likes the idea of people thinking they do.

On a much lighter note, I once had some guy text me thinking I was his friend, I ignored the message and he texted a couple more times that day, I ignored it each time and the last one I got from him was "Ok James, don't talk to me then". So I guess I might have ruined a friendship but really is it that hard to check the number you are dialling!

The number of times I've been through this... I apparently have a phone number remarkably close to that of a number of celebrities. Comes with the state of residence, I suppose. Thankfully I have a flexible voice and like to fuck with people, else I'd complain about it. *Cue maniacal chuckling accompanied by a cheshire grin*

By the way, you have an adorable cat. Wish mine would bother sleeping, but he seems content to meow at me whenever I do anything in the house.