St. Marriott's (ClearSight & SomethingEsoteric)

Tamera didn’t really know what love was all about, outside of what TV, movies and music told her but what TV’s, movies and music told her seemed like an utter lie, seemed like something that wasn’t for her – she didn’t see many lesbians there either. Tamera had a beautiful example of what love was really about around her whenever she was home but in a way she almost… looked passed it. Sometimes she felt like what mom and dad had was cheap and too good to be true so clearly it wasn’t, clearly it was a farce, clearly it was just… smoke and mirrors for the kids. Mom and dad were broke, better than they were then but still a long way off of wealth – house poor. They’d moved out of the old neighborhood and into the border of the burbs, a nice bungalow with a garage and two care drive way, it even had a pool – just needed a liner and some new plumbing… not that they’d ever gotten around to that. Mom and dad were high school sweet hearts, Tamera their first of three mistakes that ended up being their biggest blessings they said. She was sure her youngest sibling wasn’t a mistake like they said but heaven forbid they leave little bobby out, she knew for a fact Tommy the middle child was – she still remembered the argument of where he was going to sleep and how mom wouldn’t be able to finish school and all the other conversations that had come and went with the simple explanation Well Tami-baby, you’re going to be a big sister.

They weren’t the best parents any kid could ever ask for – but they always did the best they could, the best they could to provide in every way from love to food and clothes on their backs, even if they were from a church donation bin and later on the Sally-Anne. If Tamera had been a little less human and a little more like her parents who seemed above that she may never have wanted for anything, hell, she never needed to want for anything – all her needs were always met, she needed to want for more, that was who she was. She wanted to not share a bed with Tommy once he was too old for a crib, she wanted to have nicer clothes, she wanted to have the cool things other kids had, she wanted to have her lips on the lips of another girl, she wanted other kids to be okay with that. All the while her parents had their peaceful smiles and their peaceful ways of pacifying her, had their over encumbered sighs and the shrugs that came after, told her God only gives us what we can handle Tami-girl, everything else we put on our on plate. or We’ll get by, don’t you worry – we’ll make it work… we always do. and it was true.

Her mom and dad, no matter how rough things got – always had a smile on their faces and when they didn’t the smile wasn’t far away… and Tamera just… when she wasn’t with them she had to feel it was fake, either it was fake or she didn’t ever get to be that, she didn’t ever get to have that, maybe because she was gay, maybe because she lacked what they did in the fiber of her character, maybe because she just… because she wanted more? She didn’t want to be happy and broke, happy but broke, she wanted nice things and she didn’t want to fear buying new things because they’d get broke or she couldn’t pay the bills if she did or they may get stolen, lost, all of the above and beyond. Tamera just… maybe it was her jealousy in the end of it all, or her fear, or any number of things that kept her from even trying for it; more likely than not fear. She’d seen the way people treated Heidi for being gay, what had happened to Heidi’s cousin, what happened to other girls in the city who’d come out – hell, she’d never even come out and even she caught a few hits for hanging out with girls who liked girls, her fair share of hate for who she may or may not love.

Everybody else got nice things, her parents got love, she chose the nice things first and decided love wasn’t for her, it was a price she didn’t want to pay even if she took all of it she could get from them… Tamera decided her parents got love because they never wanted nice things. She swore she’d never be them, she’d never have kids, she’d never have a stupid smile on her face with negatives in the bank account, she’d never want for anything again, she decided all this with the first breath of luxury she’d taken within St. Marriott’s and soon after her impressions of a lot changed in the process of deciding just how she’d get it. The gay girls were usually the ones getting ridiculed, the gay girls were usually there by the skin of their teeth or surrounded by those who were, the gay girls didn’t have what she wanted so she didn’t have time for them. She found herself surrounded by the rich ones on a suggested air alone; she seemed like them so she was one of them just as quick.

Something like that… that’s how she saw it at least. Mom and dad were the best, mom and dad always gave her what she needed to hear and needed to have – rarely what she wanted and away from the flock, away from their guidance, she wanted for too much. She didn’t care about love because love wouldn’t pay the bills and mom and dad couldn’t forever, she wasn’t sure she deserved it or could hope for it because she saw the glaring differences between her, mom and dad and when that thought process cut her she decided what mom and dad had was fake anyway. Check.

At the end of the day… it was all to protect herself, protect Tamera from what? –she didn’t really know. Protect her from desperation, from the desperate voice in her that screamed out for all the things she’d never got to have, all the things she’d do anything to enjoy, from all the things her parents told her didn’t matter, at the end of the day she was still that 16 year old girl rebelling against her parents for the sake of doing so, stealing twenty bucks out of the jar of change so she could pay for her and Heidi to have lunch after Heidi paid for the last three years, just so she could, maybe just tired of feeling like she owed something, maybe just feeling like she could finally call the shots, maybe… maybe just to feel something new. Mom, Heidi is going to St. Marriott’s – can’t I too? … we’ll make it work Tami-baby, promise.

Her eyes peeled open with a sniff, eyes rolling in her head till the strong scent of sex hit her and with it reality. She felt a weight on her side and discovered an arm in its place, she felt heat on her back and knew it quickly to be the woman she’d spent the night with, the full breadth of what they’d done coming to her from tip to tail, a little itchy soreness between her cheeks and another soreness not far from them, swollen and rubbed raw. “Hnngff… fahk…” she murmured groggily, nowhere near as graceful as her counterpart in the first moments of consciousness but it was starting to set in. She’d had sex with Sera, lots and lots of lesbian sex with Sera, she’d blown off all her friends, they’d want a story, she’d indulged in her secrets and the wants around them, she’d chastised and betrayed herself, let her deepest darkest naughty bits run wild… and she’d loved every single second… she’d loved every single second and she was terrified to give another. In a jolt Tamera scrambled out of the bed looking down on the mattress and the beautiful woman in a heap atop it. Looked down at herself, pulled down her bra with a wince and her skirt just after, legs wobbling beneath her, threatening to collapse as she stumbled forward and nearly hit the bed post on her way by. Tami quickly scooped her shirt off the floor and broke into the living room still in a shambling mess. God damn Sera, she thought, hissing as she looked at the shirt in the light of the living room, the only buttons that remained were the few she’d left undone to show off a little chest for posterity.

Fucking shit cock sucking son of a whore! –she couldn’t walk the halls like this! She stunk of sex and looked like a hot ass mess of a prostitute, she knew she did, there was nothing even remotely acceptable about any of this! Frantically she looked around for a solution as she buttoned the top three buttons of her blouse, the rest hanging open over her stomach. Otherwise unceremoniously there from a hook just out of reach hung a school jacket but in this moment – to Tamera it may as well have been a burning bush, may as well have been a parting sea, fucking irrefutable proof there was something out there and it was totally copasetic when it came to her slinking away like a thief in the night even if she wasn’t as far above reproach as she could hope for reeking of sex and deviancy, not looking far off either with her hair a mess, lip-gloss smeared across her cheek, makeup a mess… whatever, the buttons clasped just high enough that you couldn’t even tell all those below on her blouse had been popped out of their stitches, the rest of her would hopefully be missed between the time of night and the fact that while she thought she was the center of the universe and the forefront of the minds of all those who saw her… really, at 1AM on a Friday night – nobody gave a shit about anyone but themselves in the top three floors.

Feeling more and more like that thief in the night Tamera left Sera’s room, careful to quietly close the door behind her – cursing the creaking hinge, the door’s mechanism clicking shut may as well have been a damned gunshot it sounded so loud to her in her hyper aware state. She groaned and huddled into herself with her head hung quickly walking across the hall and toward the stairs not even daring to get caught in the elevator with someone smelling and looking like she did, they would have to know, everyone had to know, there would be no doubt in anyone’s mind! Tamera didn’t see anyone but then, she was too busy hiding to look, she may very well have been alone but it still felt like a thousand and one eyes were on her, a thousand and one biting rumours were being weaved, insults registering and awaiting the wings of regurgitation to see them to purpose. The walk of shame, more like sprint, took her at the fastest pace she could manage without drawing any more attention to herself – to the showers on her floor.

She quickly disposed of the evidence, her skirt, torn shirt and the jacket all stripped inside the shower, kicked to the side of the drain after she’d soaked them – like she thought someone may smell them and know, like somehow that someone could possibly link the clothes back to her and suddenly everything would come crashing down – how could she be so stupid to have let that happen?! –and why was her swollen sore and over-sensitive clit hammering and demanding attention as she furiously washed herself off, washed her fingers, her mouth out with her hand, her shoulders, her body, between her legs, between her ass cheeks, everywhere Sera had touched her or could have possibly was given a full and entirely thorough scrub with her hands and nails – without a doubt obsessive to the point of unhealthiness, she just wanted it all off her, from the smell to the act to how much she’d loved every last fleeting second of it even now.

Wrapped in three towels, one around her hair, the other around her bust and hips and the third over her shoulders she snuck much the same as before toward her room – disposing of the clothes she’d stolen in the laundry chute, they were all ruined by the filth she’d participated in, she couldn’t even fathom holding on to him, couldn’t fathom the night, couldn’t fathom what was next, just… couldn’t fathom what she would do if anyone, any one person, knew.

It was that fear that kept her up nearly to sunrise before her eyes finally glued shut and her breathing matched that of the girl across her room fast asleep, made her stop thinking about how Jessica probably knew what she was doing when she’d been sleeping the whole damn time.
-
Heidi couldn’t help but let her straight face turn to genuine, genuinely touched smile. Kat was too kind, Kat was too lovely, Kat was too much and gosh darnit she had too much reserve! She was sure the potion wasn’t working like it should but she was just as sure Kat was still on course, just not quite to her design… that was okay though… right? At least she was kind enough to let the night go as it would, to let Heidi and her play it by ear, give her the chance to impress her, give her the chance to… well, Kat just seemed genuinely excited, she didn’t seem burdened by Heidi, she didn’t seem burdened by the idea of them spending time together… she didn’t seem like any of her fears realized even with her fearfully failing potion.

Growing up in the Pryzbylewski house had been hard for Heidi, she didn’t know what it was like to have real friends and didn’t much know what it was like to have real family by all rights. Heidi’s life lessons were taught to her by the help not by the parents, her best friends in her early years were paid employees of the family and their kids if they were allowed to bring them to the home with them, which was rare if at all. Heidi still remembered the day they fired Isabel, the woman that taught her about the birds and the bees, about affection, about the body – the same woman that taught her sister, the nanny that changed her life, that made her start to care so much more for the words, voice, form of a woman than anything any man had to offer, the woman who embraced and nurtured who she was even when who she was wasn’t the best, even when who she was-was every emotion in her range all at once or quick successions, Isabel was a maple-skinned goddess with the kindest eyes and softest most eloquent smile… well, everyone seemed beautiful in hindsight when they were taken from you.

When the doctor put a name on what Heidi was, mom quit her job – no need for a nanny, no need for Isabel… and Heidi’s child hood came to a none-too-late close… she finally felt the depressive side of manic-depressive. She’d kicked and screamed, she’d rebelled, she’d stopped doing everything Isabel coddled her toward doing, she didn’t bathe, didn’t eat, didn’t do her homework or go to bed in time, she didn’t even change her clothes for a full eight days till Isabel came to receive her last pay and saw… maybe if she hadn’t Heidi would of went on like that even longer but that wasn’t the point. Mom and dad didn’t even notice till Isabel pointed it out just how upset she’d been. Heidi’s parents didn’t love Heidi or her sister, or her late brother – they loved the idea of them, they loved the idea of children and the fact that all the other rich families had those toys so they needed them too – just like their three piece suits, pear strands and fast imported cars. Mr. and Mrs. Pryzbylewski had kids because everyone else was doing it.

Heidi didn’t want lovers because everyone else was doing it, she wanted lovers because Isabel told her one day she’d fall in love and it would be the most magical, wonderful, spellbinding experience ever to come to her, to always keep her head up because if she let it down even for a second they may just go and walk on by, the love of her life, and she’d miss them completely – caught up on feeling low and how it could make you fixate on shoes tied too tight or not tight enough. She loved Isabel; she wished she could see her again even now.

Sera kinda looked like Isabel… Kat didn’t, but Kat looked beautiful in her own right and Heidi had kept her head up long enough not just to see her but receive the kiss on her cheek that changed everything. “… Sweet dreams Kat.” She whispered, raising her hand to touch her cheek where the ghost of two lips left a tingling warmth. –she’d forgotten all about telling her when by the time she reached her dorm room and started once again, preparing feverously right into the whee hours of the morning. –she didn’t need sleep, she had lithium for what ailed her and potions for whatever lithium, Seroquel and Xanax couldn’t fix.

-

“Holy shit Tam, I think someone loves you.”

“Waaah?” a croak came from under her quilt as Tamera rose like the dead from a grave, soil cascading from pallid rigor gripped discoloured flesh or cotton and sleep from a groggy young woman – either way, either case, Tamera looked like a zombie and felt like one too.

“Seriously, what did you do last night and who is S? –they must have dropped a fortune on you! –I thought you were studying you lush.” Jessica gabbed, sticking her tongue out and winking. “Shit, there’s gotta be like… I don’t even know, I don’t think Jacquelyn could of even afforded this sort of stuff before she dropped out and like… Jacquelyn was rich as fuck! God… look at this dress!” Jessica pinched the fabric of a black dress that was terrifyingly familiar, draped over the side of her bed beside a bouqette of roses and a little letter. “Seriously though, who’s S and how come you never told me about him? –is he dreamy? –I bet he’s dreamy. GAH! You’re so lucky Tam, Kyle is the same ass he ever was, he totally blew me off for some ass holes in his frat last night meanwhile some rich bastard is buying you… everything and sending you roses and…”

Tamera just stared, face sinking, eyes wide, trying to process the sight before her, piles of boxes, the sort fancy clothes came in and the other sort that St. Marriott’s clothes did, smaller boxes she didn’t even recognize… jewellery? Her hand shot to the card, signed S… era. “Tamera, last night was incredible, let’s get together again soon.” her lips trembling as the scent of roses reached her nostrils, reason not coming with it. She’d held to her promise but why like this?! Was she trying to get her caught? Why would Sera do this to her?

“Sure does have some pretty girly hand writing though… I don’t know, maybe his like… assistant wrote it or something. He’s older right? Has to be. No guy out age could pos-… unless he’s famous or… S-S-S… hmm… Okay Tamera! –that’s enough, seriously what’s the deal?”

“I… I don’t even… I… he… He? He! –right. Ahm… a lady doesn’t kiss and t-“ Tamera was sliding out of her bed when a wince stopped her, toes curling beneath her. Her body was still less than willing, her ass not exactly sore everywhere but one particular spot itched and pinched and the rest felt raw from all the spanking, she looked over her shoulder and swore she could still see Sera’s finger’s proof in red relief over otherwise olive skin. Fuck, fuck, fuck… Jessica was broken in the head, about as stupid as her friends came – air headed and beautiful and just wealthy enough to be welcome but nothing more. It was that saving grace that kept her inconspicuous, she didn’t even need to lie, Jessica had already given her a perfect one. Still though, she was sure any of the other girls would have been far more demanding for answers and far less willing to bubble up such grandiose plots of their own. “He’s a real fucking gem…” she groaned, reaching to the hamper she kept beside her bed for a pair of track pants and a tank top. Jessica being retarded wouldn’t save her forever and wouldn’t save her for long, this had to be dealt with right away and her fear of the truth was quickly, almost ridiculously so – replaced by anger for how stupid Sera was to send all this to her room, she should have left it up to her to figure it out, to figure out how best it was to go about the exchanges, how best it was to handle any of this, if she even wanted to! (as if last night wasn’t evidence enough)

Tamera was blinded by rage, blinded by fear, blinded by paranoia and urgency to solve all this right this instant. She sprung to her feet, tossing down the card and ignoring the roses as she tied her messy mane behind her head and glared around the room. “You don’t exactly look happy Tam… li-“

“Jessica, stop talking. Now.” Tamera snipped, fingers splayed, looking around furiously still, she couldn’t have anyone else see the card, see any of it. Quickly she collected it all, every last box, dumping them carelessly into her closet and slamming the door, the card went into her drawer, the roses into her waste basket and out the door, track pants, tank top and sandals she went – looking for blood S’s.

She was so fucking stupid! Didn’t she realize how important this was? Didn’t she realize she was fucking with her life? Didn’t Sera realize that if anything had been different, if any one thing out of line, if any one of the caniving bitches just like Tamera who she surrounded herself with who just like Tamera loved to see one and other crash and fucking burn got wind of this they would do everything in their power not only to find out who would ever buy her something like all that let alone make such a bold powerful statement and in turn do everything they could t-. She could have screamed there marching through the halls like a woman possessed, like she was ready to run chow chows through cheese graters, a furious knock on Sera’s door yielded no results – a young woman, a freshie who’d tried to weasel her way into Tamera’s crew offering in a sheepish little warble “I think she’s out on the grounds Tamera…” Tamera in turn only snarling at her and continuing her quest for blood.
-
Her room was perfectly spotless, her outfit once again picked out, a picnic basket prepared and a concoction just for Kat snuggled safely inside. Heidi once again was ready, take two, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. It was early, one, two, three, four, she didn’t care, one, two, three, four, she’d spend all night obsessive and fixated, one, two, three, four, all night working out every last detail that would surely be blown to pieces in the event of any one of many more variables she could never account for, one, two, three, four, her fingers were growing sore and aching from all the counting, one, two, three, four, she could only drum them on her leg for so long, one, two, three, four, it may have still been early, but Heidi hoped that was acceptable, one, two, three, four, so she knocked – one knock, two knocks, three knocks, four.

Heidi stood at this is me in an outfit she hoped desperately was up to snuff with the one from yesterday but was sure didn’t quite make the grade. She’d matched the canary fingernail polish to a pair of rubber rain boots to account for the crisp fall morning that was sure to coat the forest they would be walking through in a blanket of frost and dew, thick woolen socks scrunched and bunched at the loose mouth of either. Her thin legs were hugged by a pair of white stockings and teased by the draping short hem of a black skirt with many tiny white hearts in a cross hatched pattern. The dress appeared more as a riskay skirt after some planning on her part, she wore a belt around her waist and bunched the dress inside it, a grey knit sweater keeping her upper body nice and warm, this one her own, not repurposed from a taller woman’s wardrobe like the tops from yesterday and it fit her just right, a little swell at her chest on either side of its low neck, each of her wrists sporting folded cuffs from a blouse beneath much like the collar smoothed and ironed around her neck and down to the small tease of cleavage she didn’t really have to show off in the first place. Once again she’d gone with her stand-by staple pearls, twice looped around her neck, in her ears, around her wrist and in her hair… all she was missing was a little more yellow, and so, a small ribbon was tied to a bow and in a last minute effort she’d broken out her hot glue gun and a few pins. A ribbon on her right breast over the school’s emblum on her sweater, and her pearl hair clips swapped out for two ribbons of the same variety to tie her hair into innocent little choppy pig tails… so maybe it would make the grade… maybe it would be a little too over the top. –the first crippling hope of the day that had nearly kept her from walking out her door.

“K-kat?” she called into the door after her knock without answer, “I know it’s a little early but I thought that may be okay?” hoped…

Sera had always used running as her form of exercise, she could do it without thinking, not to mention she could always do it no matter where she was. She didn’t have to pay some gym or buy some piece of equipment, she could just do it and it kept her in great shape, a perfect solution to her needs. However there was also something else she enjoyed about running, it was that while running a lot went on that one could see without looking suspicious, nobody even thought a runner was watching them or looking in their direction. Most of the time it gave her nothing, a few pieces of gossip she was better off not knowing, a little an interesting scene between friends or lovers. Yes, lovers were all about at St. Marriott’s, few of them were open about it but at an all-girls school there was bound to be a steady stream of both true lesbians and experimental couples formed just to see if it felt right. Sera had become rather good at picking out those couples who had more than friendship even if they were trying to hide it and she always found it intriguing to see who they were. One such couple she had seen on her run that day, recognizing the two girls as close friends who ran in one of the many bitchy packs who found their fun tormenting other students, mainly gay students. Ironic that they themselves were lovers but it made sense, they wanted to be in the last place people would look for a couple, within a group that targeted such people. For a moment she thought about using the knowledge to ruin them, a decision that would have been easy days before but one that she shook off as a thought about Tamera came to mind and she didn’t, just continued running and filed it away in her steel box of a brain.

Sera didn’t always use the information, an example of that was a student and teacher couple she had seen trying to act professional on the first day of school. To most people it would have looked like an awkward conversation between two people who seemed unable to communicate with each other, but it was all an act, clever but transparent. Sera had seen through it and more than anything she was impressed, the student was not nearly as attractive as the teacher and yet had landed her. In fact the teacher was young, barely thirty, and she was more beautiful than a at least ninety percent of the students. Yet Sera did use it, mainly because it was nice intel, something Sera could always use if she didn’t feel like magically manipulating or going about things the good old fashioned way. Not that there was anything Sera couldn’t accomplish, she still had a future career path and she would be able to pick it up without trouble, she just had to get through the years at St. Marriott’s and she could move on to success.

Sera’s future plans were something she didn’t discuss with anybody, as if admitting it would make sure it didn’t happen, that somehow it would be sabotaged by one of the many people who despised her. Tamera had been one of those people, maybe still was. She didn’t know, she had some affection for the woman from the night before and was anticipating their next rendezvous but there was always a chance she could be betrayed again. So she would keep her desires a secret, keep it a secret that she wanted to be a medical doctor, wanted a job most people at St. Marriott’s would see as ridiculous, the snobbish women attending thinking anything that required so much work with so little initial gain was worthless. Then again any of them would have had it easy, they would have family money to use in order to accomplish their goals, they would have had no problems if they wished to do something worthwhile with their lives, yet most of them would graduate to nothing, to sitting back and relying on previous generations for handouts, handouts that just weren’t an option for others, handouts that would eventually dry up due to people like them. Perhaps not immediately but handouts wouldn’t last forever, if nobody worked towards future profit there would be nothing left by the end.

However contrary to many at St. Marriott’s Sera had plans and while she wasn’t already wealthy she would be and it would not only be steady income but income she had secured through her own means. Now that path had taken a slight detour. Sera had always wanted to help people, to use her considerable gifts to ensure other people lived happy lives, and yet the Sera that currently existed was not worthy of doing such things. It had been a thought gnawing away at her for some time, that the actions she didn’t find wrong anymore wouldn’t help anyone, that they would be unacceptable if she followed her plan. That had led her to knowing some of the things she had done were wrong, what it hadn’t done was make her feel sorry for those actions, which was yet another emotion Sera knew she should have but couldn’t seem to bring out. It was a bit scary truthfully and sometimes Sera found herself confused and unable to get her bearings when she thought about reasons for her inability to give a damn about what she did to other people. She could still feel affection, she still craved love and companionship, she still felt sad and angry, and yet she couldn’t feel empathy, couldn’t care less if she hurt someone to get what she wanted.

Those were the thoughts running through Sera’s head on the elevator ride back up to the seventh floor of the dorms, back to her room. She was still in her clothes with one change, she had stripped off the tight shirt and been carrying it in her right hand for some time, the sweat soaked shirt feeling uncomfortable and the sports bra underneath covered more than enough. She immediately regretted one thing though, as much as she had preplanned having to take off her shirt, wearing the sports bra beneath, she had been too vain and stupid to wear something besides jeans to go running in. That was the dumbest thing she could have worn. She hadn’t chaffed thank god but it was uncomfortable and she needed to get them off and something new on. Of course there was an upside, the look of jeans with a sports bra combined with Sera’s short cut hair and her fit body glistening with sweat had even straight girls drooling as she made her way back to the dorm. It was a look that left no room for people to dislike it because there was nothing about it that didn’t make a person want to push her down onto a bed. It was a look that cultivated curiousness in otherwise uninterested women.

The looks she received brought a smirk to Sera’s face, she wasn’t interested but even on the ride up to her floor on the elevator had a few curious eyes on her tantalizing figure. When the doors to the elevator opened however there was a much different look that she knew was just for her. It was Tamera and she had just began storming away, something Sera took to mean she had received the little gift. So Sera moved a bit more quickly than she usually would have, going towards Tamera and putting a large grin up on her face. “Tamera, glad to see you, I mean this is certainly soon.” She referred to the note she had sent with the flowers. As she spoke however her eyes found themselves exploring what was in front of her, a side of Tamera she had never expected to see, a woman without makeup or any priming, even a lack of something besides pajama looking clothing on. Not that Sera was complaining, Tamera was still quite gorgeous without makeup and she could pull off her current outfit better than most, natural beauty being something Tamera possessed. Sera was the same way, she chose to wear minimal makeup and a lot of times none at all. She chose to dress simply most of the time, sexy but simply, such as jeans and a tight shirt.

However the attire and lack of artificial beauty plastered on Tamera’s face wasn’t normal and Sera could grasp that. There was no way Tamera would have come looking for her like that if the news wasn’t urgent or was going to be good, she had a feeling something was about to be told to her that she would really like, and she was prepared for it, a grin on her face, Sera ready to play it cool and tease her a bit, let the situation sizzle down and then see what Tamera wanted to do that day, the verbal agreement they came to making them friends, time would be spent together outside of intimacy as well, whether it was public or not. Hell, at that point really Sera was just so excited to see Tamera, though it showed nowhere on her features, that she didn’t care if the girl yelled at her first, as long as she kept it short and concise, at least that was her attitude going in to it.

-----

Kat had always been an early riser, working several jobs and going to school all on her own for so long had caused her to develop habits. She could remember weeks when she got less than four hours sleep a night and had to just power through the day, working early before school for several hours, going to school, working afterwards until midnight, going home and making food for that night and the next day and then doing it all over again. That was the life Kat had come from and it wasn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. It had left a toll on her, she had trouble getting much sleep now and often times she would wake up early and just sit in her room doing nothing, studying or just flipping through channels on the little television that had been in the room when she got there, apparently even the poor of St. Marriott’s getting more than she could afford before enrolling. She didn’t even have to worry about cooking, and she had become quite skilled at it, she simply had to go grab some food from the cafeteria or walk down the hall to one of the free vending machines that didn’t receive much use. It really was a change in lifestyle that Kat was having a difficult time adapting to. She could adapt to working most of her day, she had adapted to new schools and bullying, adapted to life on her own and never had a problem. Yet when she was given everything, when she had too much time on her hands that was when it became difficult.

So when Kat had woken up early on a Saturday she had nothing to keep herself busy and it had ended up driving her a bit mad, she had taken to staring at the ceiling for some time. She could have gone to grad some food or just walked around but she was biding her time, trying not to eat or leave her room for her date, keeping herself available. It wasn’t like she really needed to do so, they hadn’t set an exact time and she could have been waiting all day, but Kat was excited to a degree, she wanted to have some fun and after her thoughts she night before it was only more desirable that her good time be with Heidi. She was sure it would be fun and even if it wasn’t the most thrilling experience the human contact would do her some good. Since arriving at St. Marriott’s, which granted hadn’t been terribly long, Kat had been completely alone. All of her sexual partners were back where she came from, she had no friends and no talent for making them, she had no job where she could be around people and even if she did the people at the school seemed less than interested in spending time with her, and to put icing on the depressing cake she didn’t even have a damn roommate. Well she had one to begin with, but as soon as the girl learned she was a lesbian, a fact Kat never hid for any reason, she had moved rooms, ran away from the possible ridicule associated with rooming with a gay, which was how she had put it specifically in a little note that had been left.

It had pissed Kat off but mostly it just hurt, as much as she could shake off or ignore it hurt, Kat didn’t like being rejected any more than the next girl and especially for a reason as shallow as her sexual preferences. It was as if people at St. Marriott’s saw lesbians as monsters that would infect them, that it was so disgusting to see two girls intimate, and the most annoying thing was that there were probably a large amount of lesbians attending St. Marriott, even if some were women who refused to accept their own sexuality. Yet there was a plus side, Heidi had finally given her a chance to interact, become someone she could at the very least talk to and feel that bit of warmth that came with being near another human being in a positive way, where they weren’t simply putting you down for being yourself, as if they didn’t have problems. It would help Kat continue to ignore the comments and actions of those too ignorant to understand. Some other things helped as well of course, knowing her future was secure and that thought in the back of her mind that told her that other people cared, the image of that olive skinned beauty from the day before popping into her head, furiously approaching the source of ridicule which hadn’t made another appearance after that. Those were the types of people she had to remember were around as well.

Kat was yanked out of her little dream world by the sound of knocking at her door, a smile touching her face as she heard the cute little voice from the other side. She slid out of bed and walked over, looking at herself in the mirror and realizing that while she had taken the time to shower she was wearing her pajamas still, she had thrown them back on afterwards. She sighed, it wasn’t like she ever gave a damn what she was wearing anyways. So she opened the door, standing there in a pair of grey sweatpants, an obviously old yellow t-shirt, and some wooly socks. Her wardrobe wasn’t extensive, she didn’t have the money to buy anything really nice and mostly it was just your average everyday attire, things she wouldn’t have to freak out about ruining. That had been for her old way of life, lots of work and little personal time, little time to do anything but survive. Now it was different, she had some extra cash from the scholarship and what she had saved up originally, which hadn’t been much. For the moment however what she was wearing was about all she had other than a single skirt and blouse that weren’t uniform and jeans and t-shirts. It would just have to do but as she looked upon Heidi’s outfit she began to feel like she was going to be boring.

Yes, to Kat what she saw in front of her was adorable. It was a bit odd, thrown together from various sources, but it was incredibly fitting for Heidi and really had Kat’s eyes glued, the way it all came together sexualizing the girl in front of her as much as anything else in Kat’s eyes. “Well damn, you look great.” She laughed slightly, a bit awkward as she felt even more underdressed than ever. “It’s fine that you’re early, just come on in for a moment while I get dressed, it shouldn’t take long.” She left the door open and walked back inside, going over to her closet and pulling out her chosen attire for the day. It was a pair of jeans, her nicest pair as it had no rips or frays. She slid a pink belt through the loops and wore a black shirt on, a pink skull sitting in the center, a splatter outlay around it, and then a pair of comfortable black sneakers. The ensemble was plain compared to Heidi but Kat tried not to think about that, not really knowing how great she looked in her own regard. Kat’s tattoos and piercings always gave her a bit of a sexy vibe, then there was her height and incredible body from countless hours of swimming. So a pair of jeans and a t-shirt worked well for her, though the right dress and the school uniform could do her justice as well, even if some people refused to admit it, especially people at St. Marriott’s. In fact there were probably only a fraction of women at the school who could pull off something so normal as well as Kat.

When she was all finished getting dressed, and had her hair situated back into a ponytail once again, her style of choice, she walked on over to Heidi, giving her a once over. “You’re going to make it difficult to take in anything but you today.” She was a bit of a flirt that was for sure, complimenting beauty had been something she had done all the time no matter where she was. If someone didn’t like it she stopped of course, Kat wasn’t the type to flirt when it was unwelcomed, but with Heidi she was simply unable to stop herself. Luckily she seemed to like it but that didn’t stop her from wondering what came over her every time something like that escaped her mouth, why she was continuing to lead Heidi on and why even after an entire night’s sleep had she not been able to push thoughts of the short little beauty out of her head. “Shall we?” She asked, offering her hand, ready to be led to the dating destination by her guide and once again showing that she didn’t give a damn if people knew, holding hands definitely being a public indicator.

Tamera had nearly stormed herself half way around the school and back, standing there, fuming, trying to figure out where she could possibly be and what she would say when she found her – obsessing and fixating on all the million and one ways she could make her feels the exact brand of upset she did in her heart… but she hadn’t made it a step and the fantasies of chewing Sera out could never in a million years be as satisfying as the fantasy breathed into reality they’d had last night. Finally she let her feet catch up with her mind, then shook off the other direction her mind was taking. It had been a single pacifying moment she refused to give power, a reminder of a little sore itch between her legs that made her take the odd second to cup her behind in the sweat pants and soothingly rub herself, Sera had certainly left more than just the lasting impression cauterized into the forefront of thought, physical hurt and physical want she couldn’t ignore even if she focused her brain.

She headed for the elevator, if Sera was running the first place that seemed logical to check was the grounds – she could at least circle the immediate school once and hope to catch her but it seemed like a goose chase from the start, seemed like everywhere she went Sera would be elsewhere, seemed hopeless and out of her hands, she wanted to see her now, wanted to see her bend to breaking under the righteous indignation she felt burning inside… and there she was. For a moment, her teeth were clenched so hard it felt like her incisors felt like they would shatter along with her molars, the proof in how her jaw muscles tensed, nose wrinkled and eyes narrowed – she looked like she was about to burst after an initial more dubious glance at the woman before her, glistening with sweat and practically screaming I’m a sex symbol. Sera in her purest form was like Brittany Spears in her golden years or one of the Spice Girls around the same time, Tamera didn’t know why and didn’t know how to stop it, the feeling inside her that just screamed for her to reach out and tough greatness – not admire it or idolize it but to latch on, curl and writhe in its wake… that is, she felt like a little girl in the throes of changes far greater than just her self she had no power over in terms of restraint.

Emotions like raw nerves, just as likely to be agonized by a flick as they were a tender stroke she burst in response to the greeting and the grin with it. Her hand flew across her chest and up to Sera’s face crossing her cheek with a satisfying smack that echoed through the hall – the mousy girl who’d confessed to Tamera squeaking before scurrying off to find her room, the hall left empty besides the two of them. Tamera didn’t even wait for a reaction, she marched with unstoppable purpose with her hand latched around Sera’s elbow, forcing her this way and that till she’d shoved her into her room – the door conveniently unlocked… after all, who would steal or snoop with Sera’s axe looming over their shoulder? –no one in their right mind, even if it had just escaped her for the morning or there was something far less coincidental at work.

Once the door was slammed behind her Tamera growled her face twisted with the utmost measure of complete derision and rage – all pointed in Sera’s direction “What the fuck were you thinking Sera?” she demanded with a snarl, “Do you have any idea what it was like for me waking up to my roommate asking who S was and why they would send me all that shit? –any idea what it’s like living like I do only to have some stupid bitch come and try and ruin it all for you? –what if someone figured out you sent me all that stuff?” Her finger was pointed forward, jabbing once into the sportsbra she managed against odds to ignore the allure of, with the rest of Sera she managed against odds to ignore the allure of. “How could you be so stupid? “ yet another high volume high heat demand with yet another jab of her pointy finger into Sera’s firm chest just below her collar bone. “I thought you of all people should know what it feels like to get treated like shit by all the fucking bitches around this place – I’m not going back to that Sera, never, I thought you of all people should know how hard it is to get out of that and how good it feels not to be some fucking loser who lets everyone shit on them and… URGH! –seriously, what the fuck? –I was just going to say my dad got that stuff for me or it was some stuff I had back home I had to currier, or something, but you went and fucked all that up with the roses! –I swear if someone, anyone, figures this shit out – I’m taking you down with me.” Even though she was still shouting, her words were still filled with that same righteous indignation, her hands were shaking with fear and her eyes misted over with much the same, an undying distressed and desperate fear for how things would go if her secret got out and the absolute commitment to do anything she could to stop that from happening, the need to express just how upset she was at Sera for putting that into jeopardy.

… and just as soon as the words left her lips, the final strike of her rather cruel and unusual hammer… she felt empty, standing there in front of Sera, entirely emotionally, physically and spiritually bankrupt, it took everything she had left – which was very little – to rally the strength to maintain the anger on her face free of her usual armour of makeup and privilege “… don’t, ever, again – fuck with my life like that.”

“… just because we fucked, does not for a second mean that you get to pretend like we’re anything but… y-…” she hesitated and reality brow beat her resolve, she didn’t really know what the hell any of it meant in that second or what they were or why they were or the rules of any of this or… she could appreciate for a split second the gravity of the mess she’d gotten herself into. “The deal is off, I’ll stay the fuck away from Heidi and you stay the fuck away from me. –that’s it.”

-

Heidi smiled sweetly upon the door’s open and the sight on the other side. While Heidi liked to wear fully thought out and intentionally cute as could be managed outfits those weren’t by a long shot what she looked for in other girls, in a latent way she almost avoided women who had style rambunctious or facetted enough to possibly overshadow her own, every girl, deep down inside, some more than others wanted to be the belle of the ball, wanted to be the center of attention, wanted to be fawned over and appreciated for their grace and beauty – Heidi was no different and often put the effort into seeing that want to realization in her own ways. She didn’t exactly have the best pallet to work with and the best shred of self-confidence remaining, in a very real way Heidi thought herself an ugly duckling, she knew people thought her expressions were awkward and weird, she knew she was too short, knew her hair was broke and her complexion less than desirable, she knew she looked unhealthy often, knew there were bruises under her eyes from sleep deprevation, knew all this and more but also was just as sure if she dressed extra cute and original she could still be just that, cute and original rather than weird and out of place… to degrees on both sides. –sometimes she would rather just melt into the crowed instead of being 1/1.

In any event, she liked how casual Kat was and how she didn’t seem the slightest embarrassed or fretted over not being ready yet. Heidi needed that in her life, foolishly she mistook it for someone who was open and with their guard firmly in a down position – Sera hid behind a perfectly put together image, in Heidi’s mind, Kat not having one meant she had nothing to hide.

They both, in their own ways had serious cases of FINE syndrome, Fucked Inside, Nice Exterior.

“Thank you quite a bit.” Heidi tittered, awkwardly stepping inside before doing a strange little curtsey of a flourish, knees bending and arms flopping from one side to the other to show herself off in her adorable entirety, not afraid to admit she was looking for compliments with her outfit. Heidi blinked, blushed and turned away when Kat began to change in the one room dorm like they were at a point that was casual, okay, not entirely out of the ordinary… appropriate. Apparently for Heidi they weren’t quite there yet, not without warning… that or she was just trying to be extra polite where Kat had failed in being on some level or another. A nervous titter, transitioning along with an attempt at the same casualness as Kat she nodded to herself then to Kat, “You look great also.” Though her hand did find Kat’s easily enough the very moment it was offered, no hesitation or curious stare – just complete acceptance and a little squeeze in response along with “Lets.”

“I may be a little guilty, but difficult wasn’t my intention – just go with it.” She teased with an out of place air of sassy confidence an over exaggerated wink up at Kat like she was trying to be sarcastic but had forgotten to inflect any of the words it had followed. Heidi never noticed when she was being weird or socially awkward, she generally just assumed she always was and hoped it was well received, forgetting to inflect or inflecting in the wrong spots could certainly lead to both sides of those moments. She was trying to make a joke, one she didn’t quite catch herself, either she was glad for all the compliments, modest enough to say she didn’t need them, ungrateful for not wanting them, or just trying to get Kat comfortable with whatever. Maybe all of the above. She tried to have Kat’s eyes on her, that was the intention, she was playfully guilty for it, she didn’t want to cause Kat difficulty, she wanted her to be comfortable with however things proceeded, realities behind the social cues she missed.

As the began strolling down the halls toward the south exit where they would find easiest passage into the forest and the trails weaving through it the realization may have dawned on Kat Heidi wasn’t carrying a picnic basket even though her intentions to have one remained, it may have dawned on Kat Heidi had a lot of trouble walking in a straight line or keeping pace, it may have dawned on Kat her head was on a constant swivel and she had an almost annoying tendency to click her tongue, misstep, drum on her thigh or reach out and touch the odd thing like a piece of trip on the wall or brush her fingers over a textured frame – Heidi couldn’t help herself and it was for the most part out of her control. She was a torpid little ball of interest, emotion and compulsion – Kat’s hand around hers was probably the only thing reeling her in from the bursts of excitement for the day she was falling prey to, keeping her very much on the manic side of her manic depressions.

She didn’t feel crippled by hope, just crippled by the amazingly warm joyousness it was filling her with. “So,” she made an effort to ground all on her own, “Whachyah here for?” it almost would have sounded like a kid in detention asking another what they’d done to land a punishment if her voice didn’t warble melodically as it always did, “I’m an art student, from Woodbridge, my sis came here for business. I didn’t need to. I couldah gone any old place but mother and father think that like… ahm… stringent conformity and constant supervision and the prestige and all that stuff is good for me even though originally it was my idea ‘cause I just wanted to get away from them for a bit but like… I guess after I realized they liked the idea better than I did it kinda lost its magic.” A long run on sentence filled with breaks and breaths and no real direction in sight till it popped up. “Lost its magic, hrmph.” She didn’t even hear the words escape her lips in a lower tone, thoughts given Freudian volume. “I almost didn’t come back this year ‘cause of a break up but I didn’t really think that was the lady-like thing to do right? Face the music and all that. I’m glad I am.” Her head tilted back so she could comfortably look up at Kat and smile, though her face slipped into probably the most passive Kat would have ever seen it directly after.

“Now you.”

Sera could be considered a pessimist, most of her life being built on the belief that the worst case scenario occurred more often than the more desirable outcomes. For most people that seemed negative and depressing but when Sera looked at her life it was clear that she had experienced a significant number of worst case scenarios. The truth was she simply didn’t remember the good times as vividly as the bad, they made her smile and kept her sane but they didn’t do so in quite as memorable a way. Good outcomes were kept in the back of her mind and only came out when coaxed. The negative events in life seemed much easier to trigger and this was especially true for Sera. She always remembered the bullying, the lack of friends and then the lack of love from her family. Then there were the people who seemed to leave her every time she thought things were going okay and it crushed her. It had truly caused her to believe something was wrong with her as a person. How she was always treated in horrible ways combined with people seeming to run away, even if it wasn’t always immediate.

Yet Sera hadn’t been thinking that way with Tamera, as odd as it was she had been optimistic that at the very least they would have fun together. Hell, after the night before she felt a little better about herself for the first time in a long time and just seeing Tamera, even if she looked a bit pissed made her smile. It may have seemed strange but she had expected Tamera to a little irritated, she just hadn’t believed she would take it too badly. A bit of whining and perhaps a few choice words and then they could be alone and intimate once more, Sera could tease her for being so cute when she was mad and it would be fine. That was how it played out in her head, a little happiness to start off her day, maybe some appreciation for the roses and the note. That was why it hit her so hard when the exact opposite happened. When she felt Tamera’s hand across her face she was so surprised that the only thing she could do was look on in shock, her head turning back to Tamera with eyes open wide. It had been a long time since anyone had done something like that to her and it struck something deep inside of her, brought out some repressed memories she had wished to keep tucked well behind the various walls she had erected inside herself.

The blow left her so confused and surprised that she merely allowed Tamera to drag her back inside her room, somewhere along the way dropping her shirt in the hallway. It was only once inside that she returned to reality, listening as Tamera began telling her how she really felt. That was when it all came pouring down, all of the things Sera secretly feared people thought of her. The words Sera had always felt people wanted to say but held back because she wasn’t worth it. Among those were that she was stupid, something as far from the truth as it could be, and that Tamera didn’t want anything further to do with her. Despite the night before, despite what Sera had felt to be a strong start between them, despite all of that Tamera still wanted nothing to do with her. It was crushing and somewhere between the beginning and the end of the long string of angry words Sera had begun to cry. Her tears were silent and she hadn’t even realized it at first but they were there, tears that represented the part of her she tried to hide, the insecure and self-loathing side. They were streaking down her face and it was impossible for her to stay calm, something generally easy for her to do. Yet she couldn’t help it, Sera had a few very specific fears and weak spots and Tamera had just about nailed them all in the course of her anger. The worst part however was that when the end of the talking came Tamera seemed all but tired of putting the effort to yell at her in. That was the worst part, the emptiness, the lack of any emotion at all, that had Sera feeling like she would faint or start sobbing. Neither of those reactions fitting the strong charismatic woman she had become known for being.

In front of Tamera at that moment was who Sera was. She was tough yes, and no doubt incredibly charismatic, but also just a human being. She wasn’t the heartless robot some saw her as, she wasn’t carefree about everything, and Sera had a past with crippling personal problems that made it difficult for her to be happy despite what she had. To make matters worse there was nobody to help her, there had never been anyone to help Sera and where most parents would have protected their daughter and taught her how to deal with both rejection and pain, how to treat other people and expect to be treated, she had none. Sera had always been alone with those few exceptions that still allowed her to remain sane, but even those fell apart and now it was all being repeated over again. She felt trapped in some loop, like every time she felt some attraction and believed it to be reciprocated that she got destroyed, as if there was some cosmic joke being played, or as if she was some disgusting monster that nobody could stand to be around once they became even the slightest bit close to her.

At first she simply stood there, heart sinking and the look on her face resembling someone much meeker than Sera. Yet after a moment there was something inside of her screaming and yelling, wondering what the fuck was so wrong with her and why in the hell people always decided to leave her. It was still sad, it originated from the heartbreak she felt being tossed aside yet again, but it was coming forth as an angry torrent of emotion. “So…” Sera’s voice was a bit shaky but it wouldn’t be that way for long, the anger rising up inside of her was overriding everything else. “You think I meant to fuck with your life? I mean, do I strike you as that big of a fucking bitch?” She looked into Tamera’s eyes, her cheeks still stained with tears even after a hand went up and wiped her eyes and cheeks. “I suppose you think I’m as worthless as you did before, that I’m a piece of garbage. Not that I blame you, that seems to be the popular opinion when it comes to me.” She grit her teeth, thinking about her parents and everyone else in her life who ever treated her like nothing adding fuel to the fire. “But let me tell you something and I want you to fucking listen…” She moved close to Tamera, backing her against a wall and getting in her face, a strong arm keeping her in place. “I put a fucking S on there so you could play it off and I could still show a bit of damn affection… Because to me last night was great, I mean wonderful… I woke up happy and smiling, expecting you to like the gifts and maybe even brag a bit seeing as your fucking friends would have had no clue who sent them unless you decided to come clean.” Her hand went upwards and placed itself around Tamera’s throat, not squeezing down but making it clear she wasn’t going to be ignored. “And you accuse me of fucking with your life?”

A dry laugh ended her question, she hadn’t been expecting an answer in the first place. “If I wanted to fuck with your life, if I hadn’t sent those flowers and the outfits with making you happy in mind. Yes, happy!” Her voice raised before continuing on in a seething voice, “Then I would have just come down to your room and fucked you in front of your roommate or spouted off around campus about how amazing the night had been, I mean hell we have enough marks on our bodies for me to be convincing.” The scratch marks on Sera’s back were a thing of pride for her, they weren’t hidden completely by the sports bra and she hadn’t given a damn but at the same time she hadn’t broadcasted it either, she had respected Tamera’s privacy in the long run. “So don’t act like some flowers and a damn note were damning, what is damning is you running to my fucking room in nothing but pajamas after receiving all that shit, so if you’re going to blame anyone how about your damn self.” Her hand moved from Tamera’s throat and she took a deep breath with transformed into an angry growl half way through. “God damn you…” She muttered, Sera gritting her teeth and looking sad for a moment before anger overwhelmed her again. She wasn’t willing to lose Tamera, she needed someone and the night before had been something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Besides, she had information on Tamera and while most of the time she wouldn’t have resorted to such dirty tricks for such a reason she couldn’t help it, she wanted Tamera more than she understood and so she was going to have her.

So she released the girl completely, looking into her eyes with an eerie calmness washing over her. “But hell, perhaps you’re right about all that, perhaps I’m human garbage and I’ve done you some major harm by sending you some lovely clothes. Maybe I’ve just gone and messed everything up… But you know what?” She paused, her eyes sharp as she stared into Tamera’s. “Our deal is not fucking off. I made it clear that you were going to do what I said and while the sex had originally been optional, an option you chose! It is no longer an option… I won’t let you abandon me.” And there it was, hidden among the anger and heated words, Sera’s fear, the fear of being abandoned. She hadn’t said disobey or stop, she hadn’t made the argument about breaking the verbal contract or even about what would happen if Tamera went against her, but she said abandon. It was a clear sign of what was going through her head even if knowing its exact meaning was impossible. It made it clear that Sera wasn’t quite as strong as people believed she was, if the tears hadn’t already made that clear, if her inability to just let Tamera walk away hadn’t spoken towards that end. She had desires and weaknesses, Sera was just another girl when it came to certain things, even if she was exceptional in most other areas.

Yet there was one problem, Sera had never been taught what to do in certain situations, nobody had made it clear, and usually she would go with her primal urge. So before she knew what it was she was doing Sera pushed Tamera back against the wall again and forced a kiss, lips smacking up against Tamera’s and taking what she wanted, soft lips pressing against soft lips. And then, before she even let the kiss in she had grabbed Tamera, taking her and throwing her against the couch, none to gentle despite being careful. Sera was no able to control herself, the heartache and subsequent anger were driving her, pushing her to keep a grasp on Tamera and not let her leave. Yet she didn’t use magic, as much as she could have made Tamera think she was in love Sera couldn’t do that, she wanted it to be real, she needed someone to really love her or at least just care for her, even if it was a miniscule amount, even if Tamera was just at a stage of not hating her, or of being one-night lovers with a possible friendship like that had been previously. Sera needed that and she would do what needed to be done to keep it. So she moved quickly, her weight going on top of Tamera on top of the couch. She went in and kissed her again, locking lips for a brief moment before pulling back, reaching down and gripping the shirt, preparing to tear it and then… Then she stopped.

At that moment what had happened to her in her past stopped her. As much as she wanted Tamera she couldn’t do it by force, couldn’t take from her what she didn’t want to give. Sera knew how that felt, knew how it hurt and forever changed a person. She wouldn’t put Tamera through the same and for a moment just looked at her from on top without saying a word, anger draining from her face and being replaced by a pale look of horror. “I’m…” She didn’t finish the thought and instead slid off of her, falling back onto the floor beside the couch without any awareness, hitting the coffee table hard and looking down at the floor. It was the first time in her life she ever felt like a monster and a few more tears began to fall down her cheek. “Just um… Just go ahead and leave… I won’t tell anyone, I won’t… I promise. I won’t bother you anymore…” Her voice had become low, meek and almost scared. This was the Sera beneath the confidence and charisma she usually kept in place, this was the scared girl shrouded in loneliness looking for someone to accept her, and this was the Sera who had just been tossed away yet again.

-----

Kat looked upon Heidi as a thing of beauty, she was attractive to the loner in a way that was unusual. It wasn’t that she was perfect but that could be said about everyone. Hell Kat herself was nowhere near perfect, she had always struggled to eat and worked out way too much leading her to be a bit too skinny which made her muscle stand out a bit, which was still incredibly sexy but it took a bit off the top of her femininity. Then there was her absolute lack of makeup, she had never used it and while she was one of the more naturally gifted people in that regard she still lacked the refined look that could be achieved through intelligent makeup use. Not to mention her fashion sense, which made her look almost lazy, though some would deem it casual, while Kat herself simply didn’t give a damn. That was who she was, laid back and extremely flexible, preferring comfort and convenience to anything else, and even now that she was at St. Marriott’s she wasn’t someone who indulged themselves often. Kat was just Kat, nothing less and nothing more. So sure, she was beautiful, but it wasn’t a perfect kind of beauty. It was the kind of beauty one could nitpick if they wished, give examples of how she could improve but in the overall scheme of things she was in the top percentile for looks, or at least what many desired. Then again that could vary as well, as far as permanent partners went she would probably be lower, her style indicating a more sexual attraction than anything more, and her personality giving that vibe to other as well.

So when Kat said Heidi was beautiful she meant it, not as a comparison to others or even related to some norm but because to her Heidi was a just that, attractive. She had beautiful hair, a smile and expressions that were awkward but adorable. She was short which Kat liked for some odd reason, perhaps due to her large stature, and she had a sense of style that was very unique and came together to create a look that not only fit Heidi but made her stick out in the best way possible. There were other things as well, both positive and obvious negatives as everyone had, but the fact of the matter was she was something to be admired. Kat doubted anyone would disagree, sure a few people would nitpick, point out the negatives and focus in on them, but when someone looked at Heidi as a person, as herself, there was no doubt she was beautiful. And that could be said about most every person, some more than others, Kat believing Heidi was part of the more and would be a shared opinion on a non-biased basis. That was just how things were, how the system worked, that no matter what the truth was different opinions would be thrown about. Essentially it meant that one’s own opinion was the only one that truly mattered and thus Kat was content to give Heidi every compliment that came to mind, every single indication that she appreciated Heidi’s beauty.

However beautiful or not there was a matter of personal tastes that Heidi had grabbed Kat’s attention in. It was her mannerisms, how she acted and what habits she seemed to have. The most obvious was her social ineptitude, the fact that she seemed to have a loose grasp on how to speak to convey what she meant, and while it did mean Kat had to think about certain things it was also incredibly cute, something that made her smile easily. One such example was her little sassy comment, not obvious due to the lack of inflection but Kat got the idea rather quickly, smiling and looking over at the little deviant. She was going to be a handful and while she had taken it lightly it was difficult not to admire her. That beauty was only increased and made harder to ignore with the clothing, it caused Kat to have thoughts in her mind generally reserved for later dates or time by herself and it was going to make the entire date a lot more difficult. The hand holding did help her hold back a little, the physical contact being a stimulation to tide her over ever so slightly, just enough to continue on. Then again such things only had so much effect, eventually it would become inverse, it would be more of a distraction and instigator than something to hold her over.

As they began their walk towards the destination, which would start with more walking and wasn’t really all that different save the scenery and fresh air, one of those not being so important with Heidi taking the spotlight, Kat began to observe her companion. She watched and observed the little quirks and found herself smiling at each little one. It was cute and something to make the silence a little less agonizing, as there was really never true silence or monotony around Heidi. Of course she noticed something a bit more confusing as well, that the picnic basket for the picnic was missing which made the idea of having a picnic a bit more difficult. Kat didn’t ask Heidi were it was or what she planned however, she had left the plans up to the cutie next to her and she was going to trust that it was already thought out and that the entire day would be a blast. She truly believed that as well, that being with someone as interesting as Heidi would make it impossible to have a boring day and that it would be worth taking the time off from studying or really anything else. She just hoped it wouldn’t be the only time she had with Heidi because despite not having any evidence to support it yet she was sure it would be fun and having a friend like Heidi would be rewarding, that’s what she believed.

Luckily Heidi asked her a question, Kat doing the thing she often did and just keeping quiet and to herself, making it seem like she wasn’t having a good of a time as she was. It was interesting really, Kat wasn’t socially adept and neither was Heidi so together it was easy, she didn’t feel awkward and didn’t find anything Heidi did to be strange, it was just normal for her. “Me? Well my being here is mostly by chance and I’m really not all that sure what I’m wanting to do. I mean I came from nothing, lived alone from a young age and worked for myself. I was on track to be working minimum wage for the rest of my life, not being able to attend college on my own immediately if ever. So when I got the scholarship for swimming I just jumped at the opportunity, I still need to think about what’s next.” She paused and smiled, “Though I wouldn’t mind being a teacher…” She looked very gentle in that moment and while it didn’t seem to fit her character entirely from an outward perspective it was what she really wanted, to teach and protect children. “That means a lot of hard work of course but I’ve always had to work hard, this is the first time I’ve had a real chance to move my life up and I’m doing my best to take it. Even if that means dealing with some of the shit I know is going to come with this place.” She then paused for a moment, considering going further but stopping and looking down at Heidi, wanting to breech the topic the woman had mentioned. “Who is the love you almost left for? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but I’m having a hard time imagining anyone hurting you… They would have to be crazy.” Kat was curious but she was also being honest, she wanted to know what kind of woman could hurt the adorable girl next to her.

Tamera had her faults, her assets and liabilities like any other under the sun – one character trait of hers that even she could never quite tell apart as asset or liability was how loyal she was, loyal to a fault being the best way to describe it. Tamera was loyal to the point it put her at fault, to the point it put her in the path of liability, to the point she could fold, bend and in time break for her loyalties as soon as one was carved into her chest. For a long time Tamera had been loyal to nothing but the game of make belief she was playing, like cops and robbers as kids, bang – you’re dead, she’d hit the ground, get mud on her new clothes, writhe and wriggle and appear to expire – the show went on till the curtains closed and they all laughed about it over a cup of tang and a fluffernutter. Something made it clear a while back that-that wasn’t this, that her loyalties to the image wouldn’t end with anything near levity, it made her tenacity to holding them in the utmost care all the stronger, steely and cold – if she managed to take a step back from it she may even realize it didn’t actually help her none, it didn’t make her feel warm like playing games with Heidi when they were little, it didn’t make her feel good, if anything it made her feel worse and worse every day – she’d decided it didn’t make her feel worse than being at the bottom though, it didn’t make her feel worse than insult and injury at the hands of someone with a thicker wallet and nicer cut of lace around their naughty-bits.

Bang-bang, it looked like the shot to the heart had hit Sera… you’re dead.

… and she felt more than empty, more than hollow, she felt… sick. Sick with herself, with her reaction, with the whole situation from tip to tail… there she went again, taking refunds on misery. She always did this, every time she had an opportunity for something truly great outside of her assumed life, her integrated façade, she decided instead to take a refund and go right back to the lonesome misery that was the show. Heidi had been her first refund, the night they’d shared toward the end of their summer between Woodbridge Northern District High School, the opportunity for her feelings realized and someone to finally share her entire self with… well, she’d refunded that to be popular, or the chance at being popular, the chance at being accepted and welcomed into a group. She’d wrote an article for a teacher in St. Marriott’s one that the teacher supposed could be published, not just in the school paper either – with permission it would be submitted and her name would be in a publication… but that was just it, publication. People would be able to see what she wrote, not just that, how she really felt… she couldn’t let that happen, so she refunded that opportunity for the lonesome solitude of anonymous misery. There were many examples, chances for grants, chances at love, chances at truly great things that would help her in the long run mind, body and spirit… she didn’t though, she took the refund and kept with the misery because somewhere in her mind she thought this misery was better than the other, the risks weren’t worth the reward, the assumed lavish, the dream, the fantasy, it was all too much to give up on a breath and a prayer that there was a better way, another way, fulfillment beyond.

So here she was, taking the refund and feeling paralyzed by it – questioning her loyalties, questioning her loyalty to the image she’d fought so hard to forge. If she made a little more room in her heart, just a whee bit, a small space to carve out, indulged even just a little in this… didn’t take the refund… well what then? She couldn’t deny the profoundly moving amount of everything she felt last night tangled in Sera’s arms, she couldn’t deny she’d wanted to kiss her and pillow talk all night till the sun came up, might of too if the fucker didn’t pass out cold before she had the chance, she couldn’t deny before the fear of her life crashing down came to question she’d imagined more than just…

Sera looked entirely devastated, but she began to speak and Tamera’s sickly doubt and regret started to fester all the more for it. She maintained her poker face but it was faltering as a chain of loathing began to sputter from Sera’s lips pointed both ways, binding them both, tears glistening in her long lashes and down her cheek – Sera’s… Tamera was sure she’d never seen her cry, sure she’d never even thought she would, never seen her so vulnerable – not even in their freshman year when she was getting kicked around by bitches like herself.

Tamera winced as the direction of derision focused on her for a brief second then backlashed to the source. Sera had put words in her mouth, made her out to be some hateful monster, said Tamera thought she was worthless garbage, said that was the popular opinion, like everybody… like Sera was this horribly tortured victim and she’d played a part in that torture… and Tamera couldn’t disagree with it all, much as she wished to, she wasn’t above reproach – she knew that… but still, she didn’t like hearing it and the shame, guilt, remorse that broke through her poker face would make that clear, especially when she began to identify the real motives behind what Sera did… identify it was a kind, sweet, affectionate gesture after an amazingly moving night. Sera had been doing what any person who wanted to say thank you for a time like that would, she’d showered her in affection, lavish, admiration, everything she’d ever wanted and anything she could ask for… and here she was, slapping, hissing, throwing a fit for kindess… taking a refund for misery, feeling the fault of misplaced loyalty.

Told Sera woke up happy and smiling made her all the more guilty, made her wish she did, made her feel like she was the worthless one for spitting in the face of that, for being so ungrateful for what had been respectively, the best few hours of recent memory, of maybe ever outside of the home, outside of the last four years, outside of… she choked on an apology as Sera continued her rightful rampage. She snapped from internal conflict to the external, wincing as Sera’s fingers coiled around her tender neck, demanding her full attention, full attention that looked more than just a little anxious, turned fear and distress for it all, the poker face wasn’t shattered – it was ground down to dust, ground down to something entirely unrecognizable just like Sera had been. Vulnerable, hurt, fearful, anything but prepared or strong, savvy.

The wince that came from happy shouted in her face was almost strong enough to miscommunicate pain – like the word itself had smacked her across the cheek far stronger than Sera could. Her heart skipped a beat at the following boast, unsure if it was for the fear of being found out, the threat of being outted or the idea of Sera fucking her wherever she pleased like an animal, like she was her animal, face flushing as she listed and reeled grasping at internal straws, trying to find sense and structure to draw on, try to retaliate or at least adapt and proceed but she couldn’t Sera had her pacified, Sera had her once again a speechless little plebeian who could only wish to match her supreme diction and control. Next to Sera she was less than, she was small, she was… a trembling leaf hoping desperately the force of nature that gripped her heart with ease wouldn’t blow too hard, send her sailing back to the stained undergrowth of her old reality… she’d come so high! –and Sera was right again, what she’d done, running up here on raw white hot emotion alone, throwing a fit, it was worse than anything Sera had done, leagues beyond, if anything had her with her head hung and insults smacking her around it would be that blunder – not a gift from an anonymous admirer.

“I didn’t say you w-“ she’d nearly found it, nearly found her place back in the exchange when Sera took charge again, her voice had been a weak breathy little request for understanding – Sera’s cold calculated anger far more powerful, smacking her around with the truth again, with the fact it had all been her, the fact she’d been the one who’d pushed for sex, she’d been the one behind it all, she’d been the one who agreed to the deal, she-… abandoned her?

Tamera’s shoulders slumped and her face went pensive for a second, brow beat to dumb struck by the statement… then smashed into submission as Sera’s force reached purpose and she was being tossed about with ease. While her body pushed for posterity her lips were honest, her lips didn’t only purse and turn to tight lines unwilling to receive or return – they weren’t the lips of someone being forced to kiss another, the yelps and whimpers weren’t those of someone being forced, they weren’t those of a lover exactly either… a dirty grey area between – even as Sera pushed her down on the couch and tugged violently at her shirt.

And then it was all over, Sera was telling her she could leave in the most miserable sort of self-loathing Tamera had ever heard outside of her own skull… was there on the floor looking sorry for herself… Sera was taking a refund on not what she’d been offered but what she’d tried to take, stolen, damaged goods. That’s what Tamera was after all, wasn’t she? –damaged goods… looked like they both were. Quickly, she sat up and shuffled backward holding her hand over her chest, feeling her heart pound furiously like it could crack her ribs if she didn’t soothe it… so she did, she breathed deep, took the situation in deep, tried to put it all together reasonably, rationally like she hadn’t had the luxury to this morning.

After all too long to be graceful, all too long to be kind, the only sound their collective breathing and the odd groan from the couche’s frame and cushions as Tamera shifted uncomfortably… she carefully eased her legs over the side of the couch and to Sera’s side, brushing her bare sweaty arm, skin cool and clammy like she’d contracted a cold in mere moments. “S-Ser…” she hummed silently, easing down to the floor on her knees, brushing her shoulder with the back of her hand before moving over, shifting, coaxing Sera back, the movement ending with Tamera straddling her legs looking down on her pensively… speechlessly before she pressed into her, wrapping her arms around her shoulder and leaning her head atop them.

… just holding her.

“I… fff…” what could she say, it was too late for sorry… it didn’t feel right to explain herself… maybe she was too guilty to even begin to. “I don’t like roses… they’re too ostentatious. I like coreopsis’s… they’re cheaper too.” she sniffled, rubbing her runny nose on the shoulder of her shirt without really caring, without grace, without the sort of prissy, primp and proper persona she almost always carried herself with and stood true to a piece of their deal “My grandma, my dad’s mom, she lives in Woodbridge, a few streets over from Heidi’s house, I used to go there after school when I was a little girl – mom was working rotating shifts and dad had a two hour commute so she baby-sat. All around her house she had coreopsis’s and marigolds, you could smell them from around the corner, she said that they helped her tomato’s grow but they killed all the other flowers she tried to plant… I didn’t really care, I thought they were pretty enough on their own, even if they didn’t really… hrmph… nobody else had them, they were unique, they were pretty – especially in late fall when they got golden brown right before first frost, and if anything tried to outshine them, they strangled it out. Bees, birds, insects don’t fuck with marigolds and coreopsis’s and neither do other pretty flowers.”

“I like them; I thought it was kind of cool – like I could be like that. Pretty and unique and nobody would fuck with me. Then I got here and got to feel what it was like to be a rose…”
-
Heidi didn’t really notice that Kat had a game face on, didn’t note she may be acting a certain way, a certain guarded way – for the moment she was blissfully unaware of any guises or latent motives, the hand kept her grounded enough to remember where she was and why and the intentions she should carry, if there was no hand holding hers she may be subject to forget, she may be subject to thinking this was less than wonderful because in reality it was in fact just that. A wonderful time, she wasn’t so worried about the outcomes or the means and motives to them, wasn’t so worried about making it perfect or anything less than just that, all she really cared about was brushing her fingers along this, squinting at that, dipping her tongue into a pit in one of her molars, walking a little weird and how that felt for her. She was distracted and blissfully joyous within it, Heidi was on a date, it made her blissfully distracted and joyous.

Her expression curled to a mischievous sort of wonder as Kat began to manufacture her answer – as if Heidi was giving her new ones, as if Heidi was making up her own reasons Kat may be, as if it was an attractive prospect she’d never considered till now, like she’d prefer ideas and mystery to the truth. Kat could be mysterious, was mysterious, was dripping with esoteric. She was esoteric, her tattoos, her eloquence, she was like the woman too beautiful to ask why, the woman too beautiful to gracefully approach, like to approach her with anything less than humility or anxiety would be ostentatious, she wasn’t the woman who was never approached so they thought they were unapproachable though, she wasn’t unapproachable by personality just design… Heidi liked that mystery, liked that esoteric, she didn’t want to ask what all the tattoos meant and why she’d been compelled to crystalize their meaning forever, to make them a part of herself forever.

Just the same, for all the whimsical answers she too manufactured she accepted Kat’s with a passively happy and appreciative face, there didn’t seem to be any comparison or judgement on her features – she listened intently only dividing her attention when they reached the door and found themselves on the quad. It was really very impressive. She almost seemed too happy about it, her smile never shrinking, even when the decidedly bad part came up – some may think she was mocking her when she still smiled through the part about Kat being sure she’d work minimum wage for the rest of her life and lived alone even when she was young. Heidi identified the fact that was upsetting but she was in a great mood and she wouldn’t frown just because that was the socially acceptable thing to do – it didn’t cross her mind in fact… if Kat said something sad or hurtful toward Heidi it may be different but she’d come to realize at some point when she put her feelings into and onto other people or put theirs onto herself no good came from it so she tried desperately at every turn to keep her emotions only effected by herself – she effected them enough without other people’s.

“Good for you!” She finally spouted with animation to spare, “I love hearing people following their dreams, swimming today – teaching tomorrow. –shit’s everywhere, here and there, some people are just ass holes, wouldn’t be fair to expect anything but shit from an ass hole, lots of people, probably lots of ass holes… gotta just… hrmph, deal.” She said all jumbled up, rehearsed and regurgitated, it sounded like something somebody had said to her before – plenty times – words of reassurance Heidi had adapted to her own impression and tried to use to help another. “I know peoples say all that stuff about you can be different like everyone else and you can follow your dream and blah-blah-blah, no that’s wrong it doesn’t come true. Well shit, no-no-wrong. If following your dream was easy we’d all be spice girls, backstreet boys and space-police, so like, you already did it once. I guess you’re practically ten steps ahead!” apparently Heidi was capable of a sailor’s mouth on odd occasion, the words slipped from her tongue just like any other, awkward and out of tone but not because she was swearing – just because she almost always spoke awkwardly and out of tone. “Mom and dad thought I’d be an accountant like mom and dad and sister and brother before they realized I’m all sixes and sevens like cousin.”

She looked up and away, stopping for a brief second like Kat had while they were still inside – catching up with her thoughts and the thoughts that had preceded them. “No, I didn’t say love.” She observed. “-and I don’t think I said she hurt me neither.” Her lips pursing, one of her eyes closing as Heidi thought back briefly. “Ahm – Sera. She was in the hall the yesterday, she got mad at Tami for making fun of us.” Heidi’s eyes drifted away and she didn’t say anything for what felt like no time but was far more than no time at all, enough time to get them half way across the quad then a little further, “I broke up with her.” Heidi finally explained, she was the one at fault for the hurt on the outside and she knew that. From a fly on the wall perspective and from popular belief it was Heidi who had dropped Sera like a bad habit, in a way she had and she didn’t seem to feel very terribly about it – again – she’d learned to hold onto the good when it came, she’d learned to submit to the chemical changes in her brain that told her how to feel rather than telling her brain how she did.

Heidi wasn’t happy or sad, she was happy and sad, just because Heidi thought one feeling didn’t mean she felt it and just because she felt one thing didn’t mean she couldn’t feel another in time with it. “Sometimes people change and the people beside them don’t. I couldn’t change and I didn’t change, so I didn’t stay either. It didn’t feel good anymore, even when we wanted it to.” The illusion became her reality and the magic and the book and the results of it didn’t come into question, this was the problem at its most base form, this was what had split them apart at its most base form, Sera changed and Heidi didn’t and she couldn’t be with Sera anymore because of it, “Or maybe I changed and she didn’t. –it’s complicated, break ups are complicated…” she groaned and grit her teeth, “but it’s just university.” Clearly she didn’t believe that, she couldn’t discount or brush it off like she did the rest of the explanation, she couldn’t say it casually or peacefully, love was love, it transcended age, Isabel had taught her that.

“Not first date topic.” She interjected into her own trailing words. “I’m Jewish, but only ‘cause my dad says so. Like, Pryzbylewski is a super-jewish name but we don’t go to temple and we only don’t eat pork when real Jewish people come to the house. My dad says that it makes people trust him with their money more, he’s an investment broker, everyone in my family is. My cousin and I are like black sheep, my sister went to school for it but she just has babies instead and her husband works at the firm. When I get out of here I want to like… I don’t even know. Sometimes I think that it would be nice just to sit around and do my art and live off what mother and father would give me but then I think about it more and that doesn’t sound very fun and… and I like hearing I did a good job and I’m good at stuff so I think that maybe I could like open a gallery or try to make websites or something. It’s kinda more fun just not knowing before it becomes scary just not knowing. At the end of the day I just like making things pretty… I need someone to tell me what to do though; it’s not that I don’t have direction, more that I can’t choose one. Sometimes I wish I could just be a student for the rest of my life.” She looked up to Kat, eyes lidding half way from the bottom up lips pulling long across her face with only a slight curl at the ends. “I like it here, I think I’ll stay as long as they let me. –lots of things that could be prettier.” Not that she meant anything by it toward the two of them, “I guess there’s things that could be prettier everywhere though.” And doubt filled her, “I think it would be nice if I failed a couple courses.”

Anger, hatred, depression, pity, cruel. These were the emotions and adjectives that best described Sera’s current self, and there was no denying the person she had become. Sure those were not the only changes, as she hadn’t remained the same in all other aspects, but those were the easiest changes to pin down and they told the most about her new take on life. She had moved from a girl who had fawned over Heidi and never done anything bad, never even stole a candy bar or cheated on a test, though she had never needed to either. She had gone from that girl to someone much more willing to bend the rules, to break them. She had begun to do whatever it took to get what she wanted with the least amount of effort. She used her magic to cheat and make things easy for herself, she crushed the other women at St. Marriott’s who stood in her way, going as far as physically and mentally assaulting them. Her abuses of the power she had been granted were great and the self-gain even more substantial. With that came another inverse outcome however. Due to her change Sera had stopped being so many of the things that had defined her. Kind, caring, shy, cute, and even truthful, not only literally but figuratively as well. Sera had become someone that would do anything and yet didn’t even acknowledge her changes to herself, was in so much self-denial that she still believed it was Heidi’s fault they didn’t work out, believed it was her right to have what she wanted while others suffered. The moral compass that had once guided her straight and true, and the bright girl she was were both overshadowed by darkness and corruption.

Yet as repressed as her previous self was it had never been removed or destroyed and proof of that could be seen in smaller things. How Sera smiled when she was happy, the small little nervous ticks she got on such rare occasions she had forgotten they existed, her fear of being alone and self-hatred she derived from always being abandoned. Those things and countless others still resided within Sera and each one was in a paradoxical state of being both locked away and inches from being set free. So when the flood gates opened, when the most severe of all her past issues came face to face with her it all came washing back. The confidence and strength she used to hold herself together were littered with holes and the need for companionship pierced her new loner attitude. Suddenly it was back, the need for another, the desire to be loved by someone, anybody, it had pushed through the darkness and while not a light it was a part of who Sera was. It was a single piece of a much larger puzzle, a shard of the gem that had been Sera and the first step to her being pulled from the darkness, or perhaps the bait as which to drag someone down with her. That was yet to be determined and impossible to predict at her current stage, a subtle mix of who she appeared to be and who she was. It was little, that was for sure, but it was enough to disturb the overwhelming scale that had her heart weighed down beneath an ooze of despair and it was a step in the direction that could lead her home, a small northern star having risen far above for her to make her way back with just a little help.

None of that would be easy, a journey one didn’t know they were on could lead to disastrous ends, Sera could become worse than ever as easily as she could be saved, and especially with the particular piece of her that rose up. However it was such a deep wound, such an impossible concern to overcome, and that was why it had been so easy to bring about, because when something caused so much pain it was never going to be easy to get over or forget. Yet more than anything else the most profound part of the immersion was the realization that came with it, the click in Sera’s mind that made her realize that something was wrong. As much as she could overlook hurting people, the idea of becoming like one of those who had stolen her innocence devastated her to the point that she recognized what she had become. Not fully, she didn’t feel sorry for previous transgressions and chances were she wouldn’t give a damn about doing her usual routine but the one specific instance had her shaken, had her thinking that perhaps she had changed, even if she wasn’t admitting to a horribly dramatic change.

For some time Sera just sat there, her head throbbing as she struggled to stop the tears to little effect, only managing to let them water up her eyes before finally cascading down her cheeks once more. She was not in control, a fact that didn’t do much to help her current situation. Yet more than that she wasn’t even sure what was going on around her, for a moment her head was so full of thought and despair that Tamera had disappeared from her mind, the assumption that she had dashed out and left her being the belief swirling around with so many other things. It was a difficult situation, the awakening of emotions and sections of her mind that had been buried in dust long ago, unused and ignored until then. The ability to cry seemed so foreign with how long it had been, actually caring what she did to another person aside from Heidi was also so unexpected. Then there were the acknowledgements that she had gone too far and the memories she had kept far from reach. All of it combined had her dazed, confused about what exactly was going on and unable to react any faster than person waking from a coma, slowly grasping the situation.

That had made it where she hadn’t realized Tamera was still in the room and she that only changed when Tamera straddled her legs. Sera glanced up slowly, seeing Tamera’s face for but a moment before turning her head away in shame, her red eyes and tear stained cheeks being a humiliating sight as well. In that moment she cared little about her own pride however, looking strong and keeping an air of superiority meant nothing and truthfully she didn’t believe any of it. In that moment Sera didn’t feel strong or superior, nor did she feel confident or even beautiful, she felt ugly and disgusting, ashamed. There was little in the ways of positive going on in her head at that moment and as Tamera held her she only found herself crying more than ever, unable to stop as every ounce of her realized how horrible she had been. And yet there was Tamera, she hadn’t run off or even moved away from Sera, she had taken her chance to escape and used it to comfort the pathetic excuse for a woman Sera believed herself to be. The moment of self-pity and loathing had her defenses completely obliterated and she had lost all semblance of cool and collected. Yet she still listened, unable to ignore the voice of the woman giving her so much comfort, soothing her troubled heart even if she hadn’t been making that obvious in her actions, her crying increasing and her inability to look Tamera in the eyes masking the relief that was washing over inside of her.

There was relief however, of not being abandoned, of being held, and more than anything of having such a nasty and damaged side of her revealed and having someone still choose to stay. Yet her internal struggle was not nearly over, the self-loathing was not an easy thing to settle and mention of Heidi merely added another torrent of emotion to the mix, the vulnerable Sera unable to push the issue aside when her former lover came up. The ring she was currently wearing around her neck, the one she never took off, it was not large and it didn’t look like anything terribly special despite being of beautiful design, but it was and it kept her ever aware of her situation. Had Heidi left her because of things she hadn’t seen? That was the biggest question Sera had on her mind. If perhaps there was more than she knew behind everything, that she had become worse than she had ever realized, but it seemed so ridiculous to her. Yes, she had just tried to do something she never believed herself capable of, something similar to what had haunted her for years, but that had been the first instance as far as she knew and as close to the mark as her thoughts had been she was not yet able to convince herself of how much she was truly changed. So when Heidi came to mind it was still anger, she still believed that her relationship had been ended due to Heidi’s betrayal and that her own actions had been nothing short of what they had always been, that she hadn’t changed. Even with the proof of her current situation staring her in the face she kept herself in denial, an ostrich with its head in the sand being more aware than herself.

The anger and feeling of betrayal that emerged when Heidi was mentioned didn’t spiral Sera downwards though, in fact it helped settle her even if just a bit and she soon found her crying slowing down. It was at that point she finally looked up again, knowing she looked horrible after crying so much and she turned her head to the side yet again. “D-Don’t look… I’m pathetic.” She muttered, sniffling before reaching up and wiping her cheeks, her body quivering slightly as she tried to get a hold over herself. She didn’t dare disturb the contact however, no attempt to move her body of push Tamera away, not only because of her lack of energy but because she didn’t want to, she wanted that warm feeling of affection, she wanted Tamera’s arms wrapped around her. “I’ll remember the flowers… Coreopsis’ and Marigolds’…” She spoke silently, still ashamed and feeling like shit at what she had done. “And I promise I won’t send them to your room again… I won’t do anything to ruin your life… So please…” She couldn’t bring herself to say anything but as Sera’s head leaned forward and rested on Tamera’s shoulder it was all so clear, how damaged she really was, how despite her elegance and beauty and confidence, despite what she had achieved she still had her weaknesses, and now Tamera had power, not because she knew of the weakness but because she had become one. Tamera was Sera’s current form of attachment, the first one she had formed in a long time and it made it incredibly strong. She needed someone and Tamera, by some twist of luck or curse, had fallen into that role.

She would calm down of course, most likely go back to acting like her usual self, but there would be no reversion. There was no complete shifting to what she had been because now that she had come to realize it, now that her fears had risen to the surface they were not going anywhere. “Um… I just…” There was no going back and she knew it, even as convoluted as her mind had become she knew it was no longer an option to leave herself closed off about everything. “There is much more to this story but… I was never wanted, I’ve never had friends, and the first person I ever felt cared about by was Heidi… She saved me during a time where I hated myself and my life more than I enjoyed living… I’d considered so many things and yet she appeared… Saved me…” Sera swallowed hard, it seemed like a random confession but there was a purpose, one she couldn’t keep totally in the dark and still have Tamera beside her. “Then we separated and since then I’ve had nobody in my life and nobody who seemed to want me in theirs, who wanted me… And then yesterday happened and I…” She paused, looking into Tamera’s eyes and swallowing hard one more time, “I want you beside me, even if you don’t want to have sex with someone as repulsive as me… I’d really like to at least keep the friendship part of the deal in effect.” And then she stopped talking, unable to find another word to say partially due to a wave of mental exhaustion but also because she was scared of the outcome, not sure if someone as despicable as her deserved even friendship from Tamera. Sure she knew Tamera was not a perfect woman but deep down, beneath their respective masks, Tamera was beautiful, Sera was still just as ugly, or so she believed.

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Kat had an interesting sense of self and was a very unique person in many regards and most of the time it served her well. She rarely cared what other people thought, didn’t notice many things about herself that were quite amazing and thus never developed the arrogance or vanity other people seemed to be full of, and many a times it led her to being more honest than the average person to an almost blunt level. There was other bonuses to being the unique person she was though, more than almost any other person she could pick up on subtle queues and read people to remarkable effect, able to not only sense general moods but frequently to pinpoint the actual cause as well. That skill allowed her to truly get to know somebody and be a comforting influence but it also let her know when to drop something or shut up. It wasn’t all great however, as well as she could read people she tended to take whatever someone said or did to heart, giving the benefit of the doubt in most cases unless she had been fooled before or had reason to think otherwise. Not only that but she hadn’t built up as high a confidence as other people, being nonchalant and rather prideful but not having that arrogance and knowledge of her strengths. Sure she had some basic understanding, how talented of a swimmer she was, how sexy she could be, how hard-working she was, but to Kat those were not translated into being able to succeed or being beautiful, they were taken at face value. Sure she wasn’t stupid, she knew she wasn’t ugly but there was a point where her self-estimation only went so far, her understanding of the ‘norm’ and measure of beauty and ability were just lacking.

Most of that could be explained by her past, she had not been raised as a normal child, abuse and hardship had been what she grew up experiencing. Hard-work for her was natural and she believed she was sexy because it was something more sexual than beautiful or cute. All things considered she was impressive and Kat’s ability to adapt and survive kept her able in any situation, and she knew nothing would keep her down and even had the drive to succeed in some way, just not the confidence to be sure it would be more than she had come to expect from life. Even after getting in to St. Marriott’s she had spent substantial time worrying about grades and how she needed to keep them high to continue swimming and how she had no time for dating, lacking the confidence that she could juggle so many things and still succeed. So she had the belief, the drive, the knowledge of being able to make it but not the confidence to chase for what she wanted in terms of romance while maintaining everything else. Ultimately that was not detrimental and most people had it worse but it did create some problems, one of which was a sudden feeling of being out of her league when Heidi mentioned just who her previous girlfriend had been. Sera, the name wasn’t familiar but the drop dead gorgeous woman from the hall the day before was certainly still burned into her mind. She was genuinely surprised that Heidi would have had someone so damn beautiful and yet seemed to excited to be with someone like her.

More surprising than that was that Heidi had dumped her and while it was presumptuous Kat had a feeling Sera wasn’t the kind of woman others dumped, at least from first glances. Not to mention Heidi’s comment on Sera defending her made Kat think that the woman Sera probably had lingering feelings, though Heidi made it a point to seem unbothered by the breakup, despite her having said before that it had almost caused her to leave St. Marriott’s. That statement combined with how much she said she wanted to stay painted one hell of a picture. A woman who could make Heidi want to leave a place she would be willing to fail courses to stay at must have been incredibly precious to her and must have also changed or done something unthinkable to cause the girl walking with her to break things off. That was all proof of the love and hurt Heidi denied, clear support and something that made Kat uneasy. She wondered just how she compared in Heidi’s eyes, certainly not nearly as attractive, yet it wasn’t simply comparison between her and Sera that had her thinking, there was also how much her opinion of Heidi changed in that moment.

Heidi was no longer innocent and naïve as she appeared, knowing she had been with Sera changed that. It gave a little more insight into Heidi and Kat would have to be careful not to be gobbled up without realizing what was happening, to ensure she didn’t fall prey to a woman possibly more experienced than herself, and who would certainly know more about love even if not sex. Not to mention the maturity and calmness in which she handled speaking of such an ex gave the impression of togetherness much of the rest of her seemed to contradict. It was an uneasiness that made her shift nervously, though she made sure to hide it behind a mask and smile, doing her best to put so many of the difficult thoughts aside until she had alone time later to flesh it out. She shouldn’t have been nervous anyways however, Kat had planned nothing romantic and thus had no reason to fear Sera or Heidi’s feelings for anyone else aside from a friendship angle, yet there she was, nervous and thinking about it. It wasn’t easy not to and there were multiple reasons why that was the case.

In order to drag her mind away from that she focused on something easier to talk about and began to speak to fill a silence. “Well I for one don’t think failing on purpose is a good idea. You should use that time to instead find something you truly enjoy, even if that is simply taking some time to just enjoy your craft in some lovely little apartment or home in a place that inspires you. Or teach others how to do what you love, teaching art is something that could always be seen as an option, not that I am trying to push my dream on you.” She smiled and reached over and poked Heidi’s arm with her free hand. “And you are the one who decides what to do when you’re done her, not teachers and not students. There will be no more random bitches making fun of you for being unique, or at least there will be far fewer. You can make anything you want and do it in whatever order you wish. No more emulating, just doing things your own way. You could even do your art and launch your own event, become famous even and all of that happens after here.” She paused again and then looked at Heidi with a small little smile before speaking once more, knowing a way to give her another option, “Though you don’t need to leave immediately either, even once you finish your courses for art or whatever you end up deciding to do you can always take other courses. This is university, you can do whatever you want even if you attain a degree, you can take random things you would like and stay here until you’re ready to move on. Help teachers out in the art classes or even sit in your dorm and just work on your craft while taking a low number of hours. There are better options than just failing.” Kat didn’t know Heidi well yet but she wasn’t stupid that much was obvious and if she wasn’t ready to get into the ‘real world’ as people called it she didn’t have to, but someone needed to make it clear that failing was never a good thing, trying ones best would always be worth it. Besides, if one had a reason to stay besides just wanting to stay it would make it a hell of a lot easier to rationalize it, Kat knew a little something about that.

Tamera heard the tears, felt tem continue to fall, she didn’t know what more to do – she’d said her little piece… whatever it meant for whatever reasons. –it didn’t seem to help, she wanted her to stop, she wanted her to be better, she wanted her to stop crying, and she wanted her to just… Tamera wanted Sera that strong, fiery, beautiful, dangerous force of nature – poetry in motion ravaging the halls of their school… not this crying mess of self-loathing who could barely even breathe deep enough to stop from gasping for air! It wasn’t attractive, it wasn’t copasetic, it wasn’t… it wasn’t right for her to feel that way either, Tamera knew that. Any time she cried, she felt ugly, felt ashamed or anything less than wonderful – where would Tamera be if her mom just brushed her off till she felt better?

She winced looking down on Sera, her makeup a complete mess, her eyes all puffy and swollen from tears, her nose running, her face flushed… thinking she was pathetic, she thought she was pathetic for being human and for that Tamera felt even more sick with herself for wanting her to just stop – she full on cringed for that – letting her face soften with a huff when the comment on the flowers and how she’d remember the ones Tamera liked came, how she wouldn’t send them to her room, so please, so please what? Tamera trembled atop her with her lip pinched between teeth trying to figure out how the hell she navigated this… so please stay, it became so clear and she didn’t need to hear it to know what Sera was getting at.

Tamera, liking people is a choice… you can choose who you like – there are plenty of likeable people out there if the one before them doesn’t work out. The thing about love though, it doesn’t work that way… you can’t choose who you love and you can’t choose when you love them, you can’t choose when it’s convenient for you and god help you if you walk away when it isn’t. You have to love them, not even when you don’t want to – especially when you don’t want to. Don’t wait till you know it’s love either, just be… just be that girl, be compassionate, be the best you can be, just… be what people need you to be when they need you to be it. You’ll know what’s right in your heart of hearts. The words had resonated through her mind, as Sera began to calm down all on her own, What’s love? –eh… it’s… it’s mutual – it feels like… like you need them – and you know they need you. It’s a profound affection. It’s not quite like what you have for dad, your kid sister and brother or me… there’s a difference… you’ll know it when you feel it – you’ll feel it coming before you do… if you feel just a little bit grab it okay? Doesn’t matter who it’s for, if it’s a boy or a girl, Tamera remembered nearly biting her mom’s head off for that addition, feeling so fearfully defensive for it. You know I’m teasing sweet-heart… just, nothing matters, it’s all secondary, nothing means anything if you don’t have love. You’re going to spend your entire life looking for it even when you’re looking for the other things like your job and… I don’t know Tami. Just do what makes you happy, promise.

Steeled by her mother’s words Tamera leaned back – even just a little – so she could stare her in the face. Pacified completely, almost serene in how she took in all the information given to her. She tried her best not to take anything personal or displace it – move her feelings into it. Tamera tried her best not to put it over onto her own experience, turn it around… she tried her best to do what her mom did… let her feel her feelings without putting her own atop them or into them or… mom just accepted it and consoled her, didn’t try to manipulate her out of them or convince her they weren’t valid. Mom never once told her you’re wrong, your beautiful… no, it was always I’m sorry they made you feel that way darling. Sorry you felt that way darling. Her lips moved several times though no words rolled over them.

“Ser…” she finally began, though stopped just as soon – her hand squirming up from her, through their embrace till she found Sera’s face, wiping a few tears she’d missed. “I never wanted to be your friend Sera.” Tamera said frankly but not cruel, a small smile breaking through her features. “I never wanted a girlfriend or a fuck buddy or… or some girl who buys me something awesome because… what happened last night – which was amazing and… and there was nothing repulsive about it… I just… I’m sorry for blowing up,” she said with her tone on an upbeat, her head turning to the side, “you were right, as much as I hate admitting it – that makes me wrong.” A huff, very formal, “… no, I don’t want to be your fucking friend, you’re a shit head and probably a shitty friend too since you don’t have any.” Tamera leaned forward and kissed Sera on her tear stained cheek, “But, you sent me some beautiful things, and you made me feel… like nobody has before... before you sent me the things… and you… I get really scared, not feeling really scared with you… and I know what it’s like… to have trouble being… nnngh… vulnerable… and I know what it’s like to be surrounded by people and feel… feel so fucking alone that-that… that you just want to be saved from it. –and I know what it’s like t’… no, no… I don’t know what… I don’t know what it feels like to be with… or-or… or in…” that same hand caressed Sera’s cheek briefly, “I don’t want to be your friend – and I want you beside me too… just… not in front of anyone?”

“I don’t want to b-“ Tamera found herself mumbling and rambling on, she’d reasoned and consoled herself into a pit of her own. A pit where she’d spoke on her true feelings, the feelings she would in any other occasion try so desperately to hide. She wanted to be beside Sera, she didn’t love her but she felt that whisper in her hear she was sure her mother told her to latch onto with all her might, she felt like she needed to be that girl, the girl that did and was what people needed and she felt… she felt like this was entirely, without question, the most inconvenient and admittedly devastatingly terrifying moment she’d had in a long time, even more so than waking up to the fear of those gifts, to the fear of people knowing, to…

Tamera, like she did the day before, on a whim – only without the urgency, dipped forward, stealing Sera’s lips from her for a kiss, for the first kiss not forced, not soaked in lust or passion exceeding that…. The kiss wasn’t a lover’s kiss only deserving of situations with sex thick in the air and cries following, it wasn’t the sort of kiss to be given after giant revelations or long times spent apart, no, it was the kiss of two loves waking up in the morning or casually meeting for coffee or just because they could – a chaste little gesture that said I’m yours and you’re mine, and that was all.

--

Doubt could be a hard fight in Heidi, a hard emotion to cross out and move passed. It was like stepping in tar – once it was on her in one form or another it was almost impossible to wipe off in all others – on the shoe, from the shoe to the hand, from the hand to the top, in the fibre, stained – she became irrefutably stained by doubt once it was smeared into the fibres of her day, the fibres of her demeanor and it showed, it was a fault of Heidi’s – or a blessing depending on who you asked and how they felt about her, she couldn’t hide much, once she felt something, even if only for a second, it plagued her features with too much animation to disregard… the future was a touchy subject, apparently, more so than her ex… maybe more so than her ex because she relinquished the promise of their future together and lamented through the prospect of a future alone.

… now she looked a little more like someone who was talking about their first love as she looked down and nibbled away at her lower lip anxiously, hand squeezing Kat’s all the tighter without Heidi realizing it, bouncy and fanciful steps more a calm casual stroll for the first time. –but Kat was good and Kat was kind and Kat had never intended to through her into the tar of self-doubt and Kat didn’t seem to intend on leaving her there either. The playful poke at her arm made Heidi squeak, face snapping from her feet up to meet Kat’s surprised – then smile ruefully, brief, before her smallest of smiles remained, listening to what Kat had to say even if it didn’t feel so nice in the pit of her tummy. Heidi could have heaps of trouble taking advice depending on her mood and there were times and there would be more times that when doubting herself advice on what to do with herself felt more like an attack than it did reinforcements for her sake.

Kat’s words didn’t feel like an attack... not entirely, even after Heidi’s smile had faded and her expression had turned a pensive sort of pout she listened close and not entirely objective. “Well…” she started to respond, a wry little grin tugging, “I guess… I don’t have a penis so I can’t be a Backstreet Boy, I’m not old enough to be a Spice Girl, I’m too short to be space-police… I checked… aaand, I wouldn’t want for professor Kat to bring out her red pen. So,” she giggled, lifting the hand Kat had wrapped around her own, turning slightly and with care she draped it and the arm attached over her shoulder, letting go so her arm could find Kat’s lower back, the other reaching, palm on Kat’s flat stomach just above her him, fingers splayed, “I guess I just stay ‘cause I wanna then, yah?” Their sides pressed together, warmth exchanged, Heidi’s hand feeling just how tight and firm Kat’s flat stomach was… it made her catch up with herself, a certain unmistakeable hue of bashful arousal finding her cheeks as her brows quirked… Sera had been strong, Sera had been fit, Kat was… well, Kat was just beyond that – physically of course, Kat’s present was nowhere near the point of outweighing Sera’s past and the future was still a torpid pool of crippling hope and damning doubt… but she sure felt it, unmistakeable and visceral attractions she was not so naïve to go mistaking for nerves.

Heidi raked her teeth along her lip yet again, the thin pink flesh turning white from pressure before popping back to form – red and flushed, her tongue running along as she looked away, anyone could tell without doubt, or at least a reasonable one, the shorter girl was sizing Kat up yet again, maybe with intention of a kiss “Thank you K-“ she whispered, before stopping dead, eyes white and posture piqued in one direction – her arm leaving Kat’s stomach and snapping to attention “Look!” she cried with excitement.

Off, not far in the distance, a yellow ribbon much like the one on her chest and two keeping her hair in pigtails was perfectly tied in a bow around a trees branch “We’re almost there!” She squealed in excitement. “Okay,” mischievously fun loving Heidi back in full effect she took several steps away from Kat and dug one of her heels into the ground, dragging it in the best straight line she could to disturb the blanket of leaves and dirt beneath – a start line created. “Your turn to lead the way Kat,” she explained with an eccentric little curtsy. “There’s like… hrmph… twelve ribbons ‘er something aaand… and at the last one, our picnic!” More than anything, it had been a ploy to get them to a secluded area, one Heidi would never find again without the aid of directional markers – but along the way she thought it may be fun to let Kat follow them, after all, they’d walked for near twenty minutes with Heidi gesturing and pulling in the direction she deemed fit, through winding paths and forks that only someone who knew the exact lay out of the trails could have decided… she wanted to think it was like a gift, like putting Kat into a position of direction she may be more comfortable in, Heidi somehow doubted Kat was the type to let people drag her along for a whole day.

Sera hadn’t been and Heidi had learned a long while ago – with the help of a special someone – even when you needed to guide the ones you care for, even when you need to take charge, a good girl, a lady, always let their lovers feel like they were the ones setting out the path to be followed, let them feel the boon of control and privilege. “Hee, shouldn’t be much further now.” She’d eventually titter after a trail or two led to one far less traveled, to no trail at all, to rocky hiking that demanded they part hands and focus entirely on keeping upright over the mossy stones, gnarled trees and pitted inclines – at the end of their yellow ribbon trail – a plateau, steeper on the far side, looking down on nothing but yellow, orange and red trees as far as their eyes could show, behind them, the school and the forest between – a perfect sprawling view from their assumed seats, a yellow and black plaid thick blanket with a woven picnic basket in the middle, two white water bottles, one clearly labeled for each of them. If it wasn’t clear before, it should be now, Heidi really did pull out all the stops to make this extra special for Kat, as promised.

Sera knew the woman she was at that moment wasn’t her and it wasn’t the changed part of her thinking that. Sera had never been the type to break down in front of others, she had cried alone before, especially after the incident that changed her life. She had cried curled up on her bed alone just to walk out of her room later that day with a calm demeanor. The same thing had happened when she was with Heidi, there had been times she wanted to share her past and have someone else know and there were those days where insecurity gnawed at her, and even afterwards, after Heidi left her, there had been times where loneliness had crushed her spirit. Yet none of those times had caused her to seek out others and reveal her pain. It was something she had always dealt with alone, not just because she felt like she had no other choice but because she refused to give anyone a reason to hate her even more or allow those who found it fun to hurt her to get their hands on more ammunition to use against her. So instead she had cried by herself, locked herself away if the urge to release her sadness ever became so great and other times she would hide her sorrow beneath masks of anger and cruelty, inflicting pain upon others making her own pain more manageable. There were reasons for Sera’s change, how much the power she found herself with influenced her. It wasn’t just because she had been hurt in the past but because she had never dealt with it and the easiest outlet for her own pain was to throw it at others and ensure nobody could say anything to or about her, to protect herself from further harm by becoming someone people feared. It had worked, nobody had said a damn thing to her face in a very long time and she had inspired fear in those who once tormented her. Yet it hadn’t erased all that pain and sorrow it had only bottled it up, hidden it deep inside herself to keep from the grasp of others.

That had worked for some time, Sera had been able to protect her fragile self by never letting anyone near and making sure nobody tried to pierce an exterior that wouldn’t hold up to the pressure. So when Sera let Tamera past her barriers, let her in during their night of incredible passion, it had left her vulnerable. The Sera who hid herself from people had stepped out into the open and before she could even get use to the idea of being close to someone again in any way the thing she feared most happened. Tamera attacked her weakest part. Tamera had managed to pinpoint the one insecurity that ate away at Sera the most and whether it was by accident or on purpose it had struck a serious blow, a blow that caused the stored emotion she had done her best to bury away to burst out. Sera hadn’t been able to stop such a sudden occurrence and so there she was, crying and looking like a mess in front of Tamera. Yet nothing ever happened quite the same as one would imagine, nothing was ever black and white or cut and dry. As much as Sera had believed it would be a quick dismissal and departure for Tamera she had been wrong and it had taken her a moment to come to terms with what she had not expected. It wasn’t as if most people would say the things Tamera had said and then stay, not run when she was offered the chance to escape. Though no further words of protest escaped Sera’s lips, she would not attempt to drive Tamera off if the woman was interested in staying, in fact she would do whatever it took to keep her right there, right by her side.

Of course while Sera was scrambling to figure out how to make Tamera stay it still wasn’t easy, Tamera didn’t seem to know exactly what she wanted from the relationship either. She knew one thing however, making it rather clear, that she didn’t want to be friends. Sera knew full well that she was a shitty friend. She had never been friends with anybody long, it always ended up with betrayal and as with many things in her life the only pattern she had found was herself, a pattern that led her to believe it was her own fault things ended up the way they did. So she could understand where Tamera was coming from, though she didn’t exactly like the idea. She wanted a friend, Heidi had been something of a friend or at least what Sera had always thought true friendship would be like. They had talked about everything that had bothered them, taken care of each other, and made each other happy. Yet that had ended as well, she had been dumped by Heidi who seemed to want to be alone more than she wanted to be near Sera. It was not an easy thing to think about for Sera and she felt a pang of heartbreak as she thought about Heidi and how even their relationship had crumbled in the end, the closest thing she had ever had to love or friendship ending and once again the only clear pattern being herself.

Heidi was not the one on her mind at that moment however and while she would generally linger on thoughts of her previous lover she rather quickly returned her thoughts to Tamera. Yet still there was nothing clear about what they would be out in the open, it was something of a mystery of what Tamera wanted and by the end Sera could only be sure of a few things. One was that they were something and that it was going to by physical, proven by the kiss she received which spoke more clearly than any of the words that had come before it. The second was that they were not friends and that tied in with her seemingly most important desire, that their involvement remain secret. That had been clear when she came angrily to find Sera, in how she had never revealed her secret, and in spoken word. At first Sera wasn’t quite she, it all sounded very difficult and she had wanted someone to be affectionate with, but in the end she did want someone around, someone to stave off the loneliness she had tried so hard to ignore, and if that meant keeping it secret and figuring it out as they went then she wasn’t going to argue.

“Okay… I can live with that. Nobody has to know and if you don’t want to be friends well… I really don’t blame you because you’re right, I have no friends for a reason…” She paused, her voice was returning to normal, gaining a bit of its strength back as time passed and while her minimal makeup had been ruined her eyes were no longer sending fresh tears down her cheeks. “But… You’re going to have to understand that I am a bit of a possessive and jealous person. So if you want anything with me, even if it’s just something more physical and nothing friendship related or personal… Then there are going to be expectations.” She didn’t sound as confident or demanding as she wanted to but Sera couldn’t help that, she was still in the process of getting back to her usual self after breaking down completely and that wasn’t an easy task when she was touched with embarrassment for the first time in a very long time. “Such as I won’t allow you to leave now…” Of course that sentence packed a punch, almost threatening as she said something she had minutes before done the opposite of. Yet now that she knew of Tamera’s desires she was not going to lose the woman, the solution to her being alone. She would keep Tamera by her side with force now if she had to, now that Tamera had made the choice not to leave her and to start something with her, Sera would not face having another repeat of what Heidi had done and she would not let Tamera back out because of cold feet once they were apart. Of course as serious and slightly threatening as she sounded there was a lack of hatred or cruelty behind the words, a softer voice that wasn’t terribly hard to notice.

It was safe to say that Sera’s heart had been softened somewhat towards Tamera after her breakdown and that showing such a vulnerable side had caused her to be unable to be fully cold and business like towards Tamera. There was one thing she could do however and she looked Tamera in the eyes with a softer look than usual, though the hint of playfulness that suddenly found its way back did make her look more like her usual self. “So since I think I know what your rules are and at least a bit of what you are looking for… How about we both jump in the shower and you help me clean up… Then if you have any more thoughts of how we should go about things you can express them afterwards.” Of course as much as Sera was beginning to speak normally she wasn’t willing to push Tamera away or do anything the girl didn’t feel comfortable with right away, that was similar to the mistake she had made from the start, so she did give her an alternative, though nothing so easy as a ‘let’s make plans later’, no Sera wanted her company sometime that day. “Or, if that doesn’t strike your fancy, you could swing by later for dinner… As long as we do it in my room nobody will be able to see us.” Sera didn’t really give a damn either way, she just wanted to be with Tamera at some point, to know that it wasn’t all in her head and that Tamera had in fact stayed, that at least for the moment she had someone.

-----

Rarely had Kat ever been able to hold back what she was thinking, not that she had a problem knowing when to keep her mouth shut but when she did decide to answer something she didn’t hold back save on rare occasions. For the most part it was a good thing, Kat wasn’t a malicious person so most of the time it was just an excess of advice or perhaps some input that sounded a bit like her preaching. She had been the target of some anger for such reasons before, it wasn’t unusual for people to find themselves a bit put off by the lack of restraint she used when something came out of her mouth, but she never felt sorry for it. Kat felt like people deserved to hear the entire truth, to be given everything straight and that if she held back part of what she was thinking that the rest could be easily misconstrued. So she didn’t hold back and it was nothing new. It had gotten her into more trouble than it had gotten her out of and not just with random people or those she had been sleeping with, it had started much before that. Kat’s parents had been low individuals, addicts and true trash. Of course Kat would rarely speak about it but she always had it somewhere in the back of her mind, how they were and why they had done what they did. The answer to the question of why was simple, they were bad people who had such horrible addictions that they couldn’t find happiness in their lives. Yet it had never been simple to Kat as a child, a child who had always been told it was her fault when she was beaten or otherwise verbally assaulted. To the Kat who had been threatened and tormented by those who were supposed to love her from a young age. To her it had started out so complicated. It had started with her being told it was what she said and did that got her hit and yelled at, that it was her fault that they didn’t have any money when it had all gone to drugs, her fault that she wasn’t being fed properly. It had all been blamed on her and she had believed it.

That had been Kat’s childhood and she was of the one percent of people who wouldn’t have been completely broken and defeated by such a life. It wasn’t due to some inner strength, no that had been developed over time, it was just luck, that somehow despite all the odds that she hadn’t been broken or ever given in to what she had to endure. It allowed her to escape with a personality that while not perfect was her, a personality that let her speak her mind and not be afraid of being hit and to smile despite living like crap. That was a part of her she hadn’t lost and a part of her she never attempted to hide, even if it rubbed some people the wrong way. So while she had caught on to her remarks not being received totally well by Heidi she didn’t regret them or attempt to take them back, she had meant it all. She had meant that Heidi had options and that failing classes on purpose was a bad idea, hell Kat’s entire purpose for being at that school was to succeed and she didn’t give a damn what it took she wouldn’t fail a single course, she depending on her ability to follow through with that. So thinking about Heidi just tossing aside the chance to succeed was ridiculous to her and she wouldn’t ignore that to spare Heidi’s feelings. In fact it would be an injustice to let her say that without at least giving her something else to think about, other options that could show her new things while allowing her not to fail, because failing, even if on purpose would still be failing.

“That’s reason enough, I don’t see why you can’t stay because you want to.” She had nothing against that so long as Heidi didn’t attempt to fail to stay, staying was one thing and it took a lot of restraint for her not to say that it was fine so long as she tried her hardest, though she had already said how she felt about that and didn’t want to become annoying with reiteration. Besides, soon enough Kat had something else to occupy her thoughts. Heidi had definitely planned ahead, Kat’s earlier thoughts of a picnic having been taken out of the agenda or some other plan being put into motion were thrown aside and the scheme was revealed, a smile tugging at Kat’s lips as it was all explained to her. It was adorable and romantic and rather unexpected as far as what she had expected was concerned. Not that Heidi seemed incapable of doing something like setting up a little trail of ribbons that led to a private picnic just for them but it hadn’t been what Kat had imaged. She had imagined something a little less creative, something normal, but then again the more she thought about it the more this seemed like Heidi. She wasn’t exactly the kind of girl who went with the expected, no she pulled out the unexpected and had the most creative, and scrumptious little outfits. She was a bit odd but in a way that was endearing and the trail of ribbons was much the same. It was unexpected and incredibly cute, it had a bit of mystery to it and was a bit odd but ultimately so creative and exciting that Kat didn’t give a damn about anything else. Instead she followed the ribbons, leaving them just in case they found themselves in some deep area that they needed help getting out, her mind jumping to the idea that in her creativeness that Heidi may have just randomly selected a secluded spot for them.

That didn’t quite hold up however, because the view and location were so remarkable that it seemed unlikely that Heidi would have just discovered it. Kat didn’t ask however and simply smiled to Heidi and squeezed the girl’s hand. “This is absolutely lovely Heidi, I mean it truly is…” She took a deep breath of the fresh air before leading Heidi over to the picnic area, holding her hand the entire way and even a moment after sitting down. It was only as she realized how hungry she was that she released, smiling over at Heidi again before opening the basket, not looking at what was inside quite yet but giving herself a minute to smell and guess while taking in the small cute woman sitting across from her. Kat wasn’t familiar with dating or what a proper date was like but she was impressed with what Heidi had managed, the location alone being remarkable and worthy of being called a date, a walk out to a beautiful spot to sit and relax would have been something even without the picnic. It was much nicer than any of the dates she could recall going on, a restaurant not being quite as romantic as what was before her, especially with the types of places she could afford to eat. Not to mention nothing was quite as romantic, and as much as Kat was trying to keep things away from romance and a possible romantic relationship she let herself enjoy the moment, even if it wouldn’t last too long, her wish for it to stay something she could be flexible and nonchalant about quite dominant at that moment.

“It must have taken you some time to get this planned out, I must say I am impressed, I don’t think I’ve ever been to such a place before, and definitely not on a date.” She took another deep breath and smiled even brighter, she would have to recall how to get to this spot even after the date was over, it could be a lovely place to sneak away to and lounge about, possibly even do homework under the sky and just spend some time by herself away from the stuffy dorm and constant stares of the St. Marriott student body. Not to mention she had a feeling it would hold some nice memories after the date with Heidi, though she found herself unsure of what to say, her lack of dating experience that didn’t include heavy flirtation and hidden agendas making it difficult to think of how to proceed. Eventually however, after a moment of silence while she looked around and took in the sights, Kat spoke, trying to get some form of conversation started. “So, what is on the menu for our picnic?” A little thought in Kat’s head holding back the line ‘I hope dessert is you.’ She still held the thought in her head that Heidi wasn’t the sort to go for a sex friend type relationship, even with the completely innocent bit faded after hearing about Sera.

As their lips parted Tamera questioned how she could have been so upset with her, for what she’d clearly just admitted… well, for what she’d clearly just admitted she was wrong about, that she shouldn’t have been so upset, that she, in honesty, wanted this also. She wanted companionship, she wanted flesh, she wanted physical; she wanted… well, Tamera wanted all the benefits of a girlfriend without the public results of a girlfriend, assets and liabilities alike. Tamera knew it wasn’t all bad, when it came to caring for someone privately and openly, the couples in St. Marriott’s who were public… well, it was impossible for her to say she wasn’t entirely and impossibly envious of, the other side though, the ridicule, the abuse, nobody in their right mind could possibly be envious of that and the very idea of thinking she could one day be okay with that was one she hadn’t even scratched the surface of, far more interested in avoiding the thought of the growing pains that would come first.

Identification alone they existed was enough to make a physical reaction, her stomach twisting where it had finally come undone with the kiss. Okay… I can live with that. it didn’t seem like the exact sort of answer that Tamera wanted to hear from the girl no she wanted gratitude, she wanted joy, she wanted… she wanted more than regretful agreement! She’d just… she’d just gone so far herself, lowered herself down, wiped away her tears as uncomfortable as it had felt, folded in on all her insecurities and not chastising her for them and… she pursed her lips and they shifted to the side slightly, pensively, it looked like she wasn’t entirely ecstatic about it – just as her new whatever wasn’t entirely excited with Tamera’s painfully honest rambling speech of reservation. –even if painful honesty wasn’t the most of honest she had to offer.

Suddenly she didn’t know, well, it wasn’t so sudden so much as she didn’t know again, there was a new don’t know, did she really want to take on all this with someone who… who was so proud and calculated out there, but so small in here? –at the end of the day the real question was, did she really want to be in a relationship with herself? No, with the girl she pretended to be and the way it made her feel… or was that wrong too? That was a question not for here, not for straddling, not for kisses, maybe not till graduation – had Tamera acted as if so much she’d become as one? –or was it still just that, an act. What was this? –well… it wasn’t an act to keep her secret, it wasn’t the split second urgency that had shot her across the couch last night – and even that wasn’t as it appeared. That said, while it wasn’t a complete impulse it wasn’t pre-meditated either. Sera should know it wasn’t entirely impulse considering how often she took the longest of pauses before responding or proceeding.

Maybe Sera could help her make sense of it all.

… in time. –she’d give her that chance, whether it was on blind faith or reckless greed she did not yet know.

… still, she was disappointed with the agreement and sorrowful little show of acceptance Sera was giving her – until it began to pick up speed at least. Then came the woman that had stolen her breath away yesterday, even if not with the same demanding show of force that had done it – jealousy and she was sold. Tamera knew all about jealousy – jealousy and Tamera were the closest of friends right beside misery and lonesomeness. Back home, jealousy was a bane, a distraction, the single worst defect of character in her heart as it was the exact nature of her wrongdoings, it was the clutch, it was where it all began, greed, lust, selfishness – it all started with jealousy… at St. Marriott’s however, jealousy was like blood in her veins, it was and always would be her fuel, it was and always would be the one thing that kept her going, kept her doing these things that made her feel so vile and putrid, these things that made her feel fulfilled, popular, wealthy, fabulous. Without jealousy, that burning white hot heat that made her irrationally passionate about her each and every want – she couldn’t be who she was in those halls – and that knowledge made Tamera lust after someone to be jealous over her more than anything… made her jealous of women who had people getting jealous on their account… and so, impure as it had been after all they had shared just now – she felt spurred back from compassionate console up to the complete and encompassing need to be devoured as Sera had said it so cornily so many times the day before… and all that other shit… the shit that had made her cringe, made her nip and snip, but internally made her feel fantastic, especially when they were alone and Sera had been asleep. She wanted a woman to feel that for her, feel a need so vast rationality could not exist beside it.

The words echoed though, a small pang of guilt with them, was Sera so upset and sullen in her behavior because she thought Tamera was only here for the physical side?

She looked down and to the left, her lower lip puffing out a little, chin pitting with it. Tamera didn’t want to route that out, in fact, Sera had given her a free pass on it - she could stand, walk to the shower, disrobe, do whatever it was Sera intended, hold and be held, kiss and be kissed, be complimented, be cared for… or she could tell the truth and it could actually mean something when it happened.

Entirely too much time had passed, sitting there in Sera’s lap – apparently debating if it was a shower or a dinner she wanted before she leaned forward and rested her chin on Sera’s shoulder – her hands tugging at Sera’s belt a little, not really with any clear aim to take off her jeans either. “Sera…” she hummed anxiously, a warbled whisper. Tamera and Heidi had been friends too, more than just friends… and look where that got her. Maybe, somewhere, Tamera thought that if Sera and her never became friends it could never hurt so badly when she chose greed, lust and whatever else it was she wanted over Sera, when her defects of character hacked and slashed the relationship down to a slop bucket because she couldn’t face reality – only accept her own substitutes of it. Heidi and her had been friends, the best of friends – with plenty jealousy on her side – Heidi still held a very profoundly intimate power of privilege over her and her heart, after all, Heidi had been her first… did she want to give that to Sera? Someone who could really grind her into the dirt? Little Heidi did nothing but cry, Tamera had been given very clear evidence there would be far more than just tears from Sera if she ever betrayed her for the image, the veneers and all else outside this door.

“J-jus… hrmph…” She turned her head on Sera’s shoulder to look up at the side of her face still stained with tears though no more fell, it felt right and she’d decided, after all the reminders of her mother’s words on love, her mother’s words that always ended up being right, that were right about Heidi before Sera and all her missed opportunities and all the refunds and all the hurt, pain, misery, jealousy that while they fueled her to be this person she was today the reminder that they still felt terribly the minute her door closed… so why not? Why not have her door close and Sera be on the other side? Why not just tell her… if all else failed, fuck it, let her be the dirt beneath Sera’s shoe, let her destroy it all, let her maybe, just maybe, turn out to be the love of her life. “Just because I don’t want to be your friend doesn’t mean I don’t want… personal.” she repeated, this time saying the words rather than implying them.

And back did her head crane, and down did her eyes fall, meeting Sera’s, and her lips did pull to the same vulnerable hoping doubt that her eyes conveyed, and was she ever just that. Tamera was willing to give Sera the opportunity to hurt her, because more than her jealousy for the girls with nice things and wealthy families and futures that promised lavish and privilege was her jealousy for those girls who had nothing, had nothing but still smiled so broad and so genuine at the sight of their love walking toward them in the halls, even after a bitch like her slapped them both with a snarky remark... she wanted what Heidi and Sera used to have more than she wanted what she pretended to, even if only for this moment did that want supersede her fearful need for anonymity in it.

The stare felt like eyes on the sun, like she’d burn up if she gazed upon brilliance any longer – her face starting to burn as she realized what she’d owned up to, still, she hadn’t said it all but the more damning things were in what she hadn’t said… what she’d implied so clearly it was all out in the open without words. She didn’t want to escape it, but maybe be distracted from it – maybe making that crystal also by the way she backed off with a certain urgency, taking her hands from Sera’s belt and putting them on the hem of her own school T, pulling it up to her breasts then folding her arm to remove it with what little grace she could command, reaching just as urgently for Sera’s belt. Tamera didn’t want to afford Sera the time or presence of mind to agree or speak on the fact Tamera had just told her she wanted a personal, emotional, sexual, mutual relationship… she did, that didn’t make it any less terrifying on all accounts, didn’t make the war between these jealousies and those, these secrets and those, these feelings and the others just stop… it fueled both sides to the fire she felt burning up inside, the fire only Sera’s flesh on hers could douse for now.

--

As they traversed the forest, the yellow ribbon road as it were – the words Kat had said echoed in her mind like the most profoundly simple revelation bring drilled further and further home. If she wanted to, she should be able to stay, -and what was stopping her from that? It wasn’t like anyone was forcing her to go back home at the end of this year… if anything a part of her thought that maybe her being here was better for her family than her being there… it wasn’t like they had really given her a deadline, in fact, when the subject of this being her last year at St. Marriott’s was broke with her family… well, she hadn’t missed the sickly anxious sorts of expressions they exchanged. Heidi wasn’t always the same person at home as she was here at St. Marriott’s, not with the way mom and dad were always testing her. She swore they made a game of it, she knew there was no levity or enjoyment on their sides from playing though. They would wave red flags, she’d see, she’d be likened to a bull, they’d poke and prod her with steely sharp words and situations to see how she’d react, if she was capable of smiling and accepting the purposeful and not without motive coaxing for bad behavior and when she wasn’t capable of just that the same litany of questions would come, if she’d taken her medication, if she’d been doing what the therapist told her, if she needed to go back to the hospital to refocus, and inside, it killed her, more and more, little by little. Her aunt couldn’t protect her forever, she had her own life, she knew her aunt would take her in if she asked just right… but then, she also knew her aunt had her own children and her own set of woes she need focus on, not every day could be like this summer was.

So right, if she wanted to stay, wouldn’t it be a big favour to everyone? –maybe that in itself was why she felt like she had to go if she didn’t fail her courses, because everybody would expect her to if she didn’t, because while they wouldn’t and didn’t ask her to come back she wanted to be asked and told to come back because in all honesty she wanted to be wanted… she wanted her parents to want her back, to miss her, to not have wrapped her up in a pretty boy called St. Marriott’s and put the problem that was Heidi Alvernah Pryzbylewski our bipolar daughter back on the shelf to collect dust for four years.

She fought with the frown on her face and the odd twitch of pensive thought till another ribbon would come and she’d be reminded joyously of what was happening around her. She had too many wants floating around in her head to really put any one of them up for serious debate, it was a long time off in the future before she really had to think about going home, for now she could just focus on being here, being with Kat, being on this date that Kat professed to enjoying so thoroughly when her surprise came to foot and eye.

There was no humility or bashfulness to her smile when Kat tripped over her words saying just how lovely a job she’d done in planning their special outing together, that pride would soon whittle down to just that, bashful, however as she fiddled with her fingers traipsing over to the picnic basket, yes, it did take some time – but “I think you’re worth it,” she mumbled as she fell to her knees on the blanket with a little huff, pulling the picnic basket in front of her and opening it up to reveal just how much time she’d spent elsewhere. She carefully unfolded four ears of fabric that covered the contents, four ice packs folded in wax paper sitting atop the bounty, all removed with care and set aside. Beneath were more wax-paper folds Heidi seemed to have taken very great care in making. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I brought all sorts’uh stuff… if there’s anything y’er not a fan of don’t worry about it going to waste, my roommate is always more than happy to oblige when I have left overs.” She explained giddily, apparently, beyond the arts and crafts Heidi had a penchant for culinary. A small handful of squares in crisply wrapped wax-paper with dainty little pastel-paint embellishments were set out, two with little eggs with smiley faces and canary yellow star bursts behind them “Egg-salad,” two with little fishies and blue star bursts “Tuna fish,” chickens with pastel-pink starbursts “Chicken-salad,” and so were the sandwiches set out, this continued on, each piece with some sort of artsy foundation behind it, “watermelon cubes, rice crispy squares, potato salad - but I don't like potato salad and I hate coleslaw so potato salad doesn't get pretty arts - sorry if you like it," her nose scrunching and eyes squinting, tongue out with a childish little mock look of disgust at the tupperware container with no painted wax paper wrap, "I made apple crumble but I burnt it and had to spend half an hour cleaning the dish in the culinary class-room so I didn’t have time for anything else but… I’ll make it up to yew, promise-promise.” And a final bright smile like she hadn’t done enough already… more and more would it become clear – Heidi had in fact put an awful lot of time into this all, it had been getting light out when she finished the final piece of wax paper painting, not that they were wonderful works of art by a long shot – time consuming none the less. Still, it wasn’t all for Kat, Heidi’s obsessive nature had been the main culprit, her need to make it all cute, her need to make things pretty, her need for smooth sharp corners and perfectly composed outfits… her severe case of FINE.

Certain things were hard to admit aloud and usually they weren’t easy to deal with, however the things that were hard to admit to oneself, those were harder. Sera had been denying the pain of her past for a very long time, whenever she became depressed or upset and it had something to do with all of those bottled emotions she tended to ignore them or attempt to further repress it all. It was something she had even begun to do without realizing it, her mind protecting itself and doing its best to stay ahead of the torrent of pain and sadness built up behind a fairly makeshift barricade. It had been easier when she was with Heidi, she had someone else to help hold her together and it provided her with enough good moments for there not to be enough idle time to allow the dark thoughts to surface. Then when that ended she found another way to escape the pain and truth, small doubts of sadness and depression but they were covered up with cruelty and situations that would make anyone forget what was on their mind, things Sera wouldn’t normally have done but turned to not only because of whatever had changed her but because it was an easy way to run from all the problems piling up. The addition of Heidi leaving her had almost been enough to break it all down, to overwhelm even the distractions that by all means were horrible and selfish, but the deeply repressed memories managed to stay out of sight and out of mind. That was until Tamera came along. It had been a short union and there hadn’t been a large amount of time for feelings to build up, nor previous feelings to make it all worse, it had been lust and by all means she may have normally only been determined to keep it together as opposed to anything else. Yet with all she had stored and the amount of pain already pressing to be released Tamera’s words, her decision to leave had been enough to cause it all to crumble.

Sera’s inability to deal with it herself and lack of support when it all had occurred had caused it to fester and been a long chain of events leading up to the very moment she had found herself in. It had all led to her small breakdown, easily one of the most embarrassing moments of her life, even the new confident Sera had been struck hard by what had overflowed from within. It had been emotion that saturated her entire mind and sent her to the floor with tears and sobs, enough emotion to push through the metaphorical fog that had surrounded everything personal, and another sliver of light pushing through, smaller than the still kindled embers for Heidi but certainly just as remarkable given her disposition of late. Yet just as soon as it had been released a cork had been shoved in, Tamera’s decision to stay, her choice not to leave had been enough to help Sera push back the swell of emotion and build up her wall once more. However that wasn’t to say it would stay there, Sera had already let some out, already shown Tamera a bit of what was hidden deep inside her, it was not something she could keep hidden as easily as she had been, she could no longer completely deny the existence even if she wished for nothing more than to go back before she looked pathetic and sad.

Yet that was only a small worry whereas the relief from letting it out, the feeling of losing a bit of the pressure that had been screaming for release for so long, that felt great. Then there was the meaning of it all, what it meant to have told someone, what it meant that Tamera was staying, and even if it was meant to be entirely physical Sera was happy, glad that she could have something to soothe her loneliness. And yet all the happiness she had been granted was not yet done, being the first person in a long time to decide to spent time with Sera hadn’t been enough for Tamera, she had to give her something even greater. What was greater than sex, physical intimacy? Something personal, a relationship based on more than carnal desire and while Tamera hadn’t been so inclined as to make it completely clear she had spoken words to make the general idea clear and imply the rest. For Sera that was plenty, it was enough to give her a revitalization that didn’t fit her current state and to put a grin so large on her face that it was impossible to think she was anything but thrilled, though there was a hint of desire mixed in as well. Yes, she had someone to be close to again and with more than a physical relationship on the rise it was sure to be magnificent, or at the very least highly pleasurable until they worked the rest out.

Tamera wasn’t quite the type to just say something like that easily and Sera knew that, Tamera was deeply closeted and admitting something like that to herself had to be as tough for her as Sera’s past hardships were for her. That made it so special, so amazing, and proved more than anything that she wanted something because she wouldn’t have said it otherwise, not even to cheer Sera up. Besides, a cute little look of embarrassment and a quick attempt to move the moment on were not faked actions, those were the actions of a cute woman trying her best to not get caught in a moment she wanted but didn’t know that she could handle. Luckily Sera obliged, choosing not to focus in on what she had said, and not getting much of an opportunity to anyways. So she moved the moment on, a small little smirk touching her features and a look of fiery and playful once again resting on her face. “No need to do anything beautiful, I’ve got this.” She said, moving her hands down and removing Tamera’s from her belt, leaning up as she did and giving Tamera a soft highly sensual kiss. It was a kiss not full of lust and animal desire but of something soft and warm, a kiss that still pushed towards a melding of bodies but on a much more intimate and gentle level.

“Just leave it all to me.” She whispered as she pulled her lips from Tamera’s, moving herself and standing up with Tamera in her arms, proof that she had some strength. There was no time to think about that however as the moment she stood up she had begun moving to the bathroom, managing to remove her sneakers and socks on the way, barely avoiding a lamp as she got the last sock off, a giggle escaping her lips as she did a small twirl to keep them balanced. She pressed her lips against Tamera’s again as they went through the arch to the bathroom, only pausing for a moment to fumble around with the door handle before gaining entry. Once inside it became clear that there was no room in Sera’s ‘dorm’ that wasn’t splendid, the bathroom being marvelous with a Jacuzzi tub and a huge sink and mirror hanging on one wall and aside from the usual additions there was also a very large walk in shower right in the back. Sera turned, sitting Tamera up on the counter, kissing her for a few moments afterwards before finally pulling back, and breathing a bit more ruggedly after the slightly taxing trip. “You’re mine now Tamera… This time I won’t give you an out, not now that I know you’re willing.” The part that had hit her hardest had been her forcing Tamera, doing something she didn’t want, but knowing she was willing, that she wanted the relationship, well at that point Sera was willing to believe any harsh words were more insecurities and foreplay than actual disdain or dislike, though she wouldn’t stop paying attention all together.

Sera didn’t rip anything off as she had the previous night, no she took her time with it. Her hands slowly took off her sports bra, her breasts perky and hard as they found the cool air. Her hands then moved down, her belt and pants dropping to the floor around her ankles and leaving her in nothing but panties, which didn’t remain on long at all. Those actions were meant to tantalize the eye, to have Tamera drooling by the time her turn came around, and it was not a moment she had to wait for long. Sera was on to her the moment she was stripped down and she made quick work of Tamera’s remaining clothing as well, as quick work as one could make while slowly stripping off anything while showering kisses along the way. That was merely the beginning though, after one last kiss on the inner thigh Sera hoisted Tamera up again and looked into her eyes, a feisty expression on her face as she leaned in and tugged at Tamera’s lip with her teeth. “Tonight I think you should get a little more familiar with what it is that brought you to completion yesterday… We can slow it down a bit, basics are important after all.” She smirked, one hand squeezing a handful of ass while the other rested against her back to keep it steady for the move from the bathroom into the shower. It was only once inside that Sera let Tamera down, pressing her up against the shower wall as she turned on the water, using her own body to keep most of the initial icy water from touching Tamera and getting a shiver up her spine in the process. It only furthered her desire though, goose bumps breaking out over her back and her nipples rock hard during the transition from cold to warm, a look in her eyes as she stared at Tamera, protecting her from the chill, a kiss coming soon after, one that wasn’t going to end until it was warm and she could move on to the more fun activities ahead.

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Kat experiences with dating had never been quite magical, never had she felt like it had all been just for her or that real work had been put into anything. For the most part her dates were bars or clubs, places people thought she would like due to her image and how she looked a bit older than she had been in her younger years, having always been tall and looking like she did leading people to assume certain things. Not that she had ever had a problem with that approach, she didn’t mind clubs or bars, and they weren’t as awesome as people seemed to think she would believe but it had never bothered her. Neither had they ever truly impressed her, Kat had never been on a date and just believed it was the most incredible thing she had ever done. That wasn’t anybody’s fault in particular, she just never got to know people well enough for them to see past the exterior and get a good look at the girl beneath the casual clothes, tattoos, and piercings. She had never let people see past her multiple jobs, never let anyone become her friend or much more than a casual sexual relationship if it even became more than a one night stand. Once again nobody was at fault, there was always outside factors causing problems with furthering relationships and finding someone who could break through her busy life and reach the side of her that never got to experience the good things, like having someone truly love her with all their heart. That was the kind of emotion Kat knew but never had focused on her from another, it had always been lust or mere interest. There had never been enough time. Hell it was quite surprising really, she had been with quite a few girls, from girls who were out to those in the closest, even a few straight girls who had become drunk enough not to find it wrong until the next morning, those were always entertaining to wake up to.

Yet all of that, what she had been deprived of for some reason or another, was staring her in the face. A date that was made just for her, something so incredible that it really did seem a bit magical, something that would truly stick with her for as long as she lived, it was magnificent and the more she got to see the more that seemed true. It all seemed perfect, everything was neat and folded perfectly, there were little pictures on the containers for their feast, the view and privacy were both remarkable, and the trip itself had been something pulled straight out of a fairytale. Then there was Heidi, she was offering everything Kat had turned down time and time again, the chance to have a friend, the chance to have a lover as Heidi had made her interest in both areas more than clear. It was all hers for the taking and while she couldn’t make a quick easy decision it was starting to weigh heavily on her, not in a bad way but in a way that made her think about it much more carefully than she had moments before. It was as if the magic of the scene had caused her to think about it not as a purely business decision, in terms of if she had time and if it would impact her grades. No, she was thinking about it from a perspective more similar to desires of the heart, imagination and dreams. She was thinking about it from what she had always wanted, her thoughts changing ever so slightly from whether she would have time or capacity to thoughts that she did have the time and capacity. It wasn’t sudden, she hadn’t decided to forget everything and go for it, but she was certainly becoming more open to something more the longer she sat there.

The feast kept her mind busy and Kat soon found herself hungrier than ever, looking down at each prepared dish with a smile and rumbling stomach. “Well, I do like potato salad but out of all the things you have prepared it is certainly on the bottom of my list… So who cares about it getting any art?” She smiled and looked at Heidi, her expression was just adorable, childish and cute, something she definitely found as enticing as the food in front of her. However she held back and reached over to brush Heidi’s cheek lightly, a small touch to keep herself in check, “Thank you Heidi, it looks absolutely amazing, I’m going to dig in.” Her voice was soft and she went immediately for the egg-salad, getting a sandwich and taking a bite, a bite followed by an ‘Mmm” well deserved as flavor hit her taste buds. Kat wasn’t use to nice food, nor nice dates, nothing of the sort, and as she tried to take it all in she found herself incapable. It was simply too much and she had to keep her mind on the moment, enjoy everything at her own pace and focus more on Heidi than anything else when it came down to it. “And as far as making anything up to me, that is not necessary, this is splendid Heidi, truly wonderful and certainly the nicest date I have ever been on… You have no idea how blown away I am.” Kat didn’t mind Heidi knowing how amazing the date was for her, she was glad it was something so special even if it was a bit hard to keep herself from thinking about things in a new way. Not that she cared, Kat had plenty of time to think and she would save it for when she didn’t have a lovely girl and amazing food in front of her. For the moment she just looked over at Heidi and continued eating, munching on the sandwich and washing it down with some of her water, already eying what dish she wanted next as she did.

When Sera’s hands gripped her own they were rigid and clammy with panic – like she had to do this and she had to do it now, the kiss that met her lips however was far more prompt to disarm her than words could. Her hands were pacified and with them, almost begrudgingly her posture softened with a huff through her nose, eyes sliding shut, lips pursing and spreading to Sera’s lead, it had only been a night and barely a morning but it seemed in that little time alone Tamera’s lips had acclimated to the dance Kat’s always led them through, even the sounds and shifts of her body seemed more honest, a small moan building in her chest, licking at the back of her throat as her tongue dared to lick at Sera’s lower lip, beckoning hers’ to join as too did their bodies – feeling her swollen chest pressed into Sera’s more modest, nipples hardening with touch to still sweat slick skin… it wasn’t like the night before, it wasn’t so egregiously intoxicating her mind no longer belonged to her, but for that, it was no less amazing… it was almost better, how calm and soothing it felt just kissing Sera, touching Sera, smelling Sera, tasting Sera, being with her. –and she knew this was just the beginning.

Tamera pouted when their lips separated, when Sera craned back slightly and spoke – the words were nice of course, she’d gladly let Sera take their reigns as she knew Sera’s lead was one that would always have her folding over herself in the most uncomfortable, but beautifully intimate ways… at least in that moment she knew that, even still, like any other time, this was Tamera and she wanted it Sera’s way on her own terms. She wasn’t done kissing her. Sera lifted her off the ground with ease, Tamera’s back arcing for a split second of vertigo before she was forced to hold on tight, for the sake of her own balance if nothing else – a yelp of annoyance jumping up her throat and out those two swollen needy lips. “Ser!” she whined, adjusting her weight each time Sera nearly lost balance or kicked off another article – while it felt nice, on a symbolic level of intimacy that Sera could carry her and be so strong, that air of I’ll be protected, on a more physical level Tamera wasn’t sure she fully enjoyed the feeling of being entirely in another’s whims… almost like she thought she may end up on her ass, like Sera might drop her, one of the many issues of trust someone with such a convoluted intrapersonal history as Tami’s – half the time anybody lifted her (metaphorically) Tamera had to be wary it was not so she’d have a further fall.

Another yelping whine with the twirl, her body clenching around Sera’s with a sickly sort of expression on her face she readied to chastise her, “Ser my legs work f-nnnngh…” but the kiss would disarm her as easily as the one before it, body just as before – going lax against Sera’s, yet another attempt taken at a meeting of their tongue’s like it was all Tamera wanted right this very second. She was so very new to this, to anything sexual, her time with Heidi was a distant memory and the one after than was just that – once – and while not so distant it was a drunken haze at best, one she often felt embarrassed or even ashamed about not only for the act but how terribly she must have performed during it. She wanted to try all the things she knew of, wanted to feel all the things she’d fantasized about, she wanted to watch Sera’s skin dimple beneath her fingers and bounce back taught, she wanted to see her muscles clench under her skin, she wanted to taste her tongue and feel what it was like to have it against her own, get good at it, not feel so… inept. Most of all, she wanted to make Sera feel as amazingly vulnerable and wanting as she had the night before, as she could remember she had the night before. “Mmmnnngh, S-se… aough… ff, like tha-mmmh…” she’d whisper through the kisses, little encouragements and agreements of the sorts of kisses she especially enjoyed, moreover the sorts of kisses she wanted to further explore with the woman who was not her friend but the woman she wanted oh so much more than that from.

Tamera couldn’t even take the time to take in her surroundings, a reoccurring theme with the woman who’d stolen her heart, mind and imagination with only her presence yet again – still, she knew it was large, knew it was lavish, she could practically smell the gross amount of wealth that went into every facet and faucet of the spacious room and what she couldn’t smell the acoustics made it clear, bare feet on marble, their breaths creating a distant echo and a crisp coolness to the air as opposed to a washroom in one of the other dorms that didn’t even have a shower let alone enough space to carry someone about. She shivered and wriggled atop the counter as she was led into another kiss, feeling the coldness of it’s surface on her sensitive skin, jumping right into the kiss this time, not beckoning Sera’s tongue out with a flick over her lip but rather pursing her own then spreading them along with Sera’s so her hot muscle could dip over her lips and passed Sera’s.

“You’re mine now Tamera… This time I won’t give you an out, not now that I know you’re willing.”

The young woman atop the counter shivered at the words, looking like a doe in headlights that didn’t even know their fate enough to accept it, frozen with its promised arrival. Her expression began to harden to chide her like she always did after those dominant comments that sounded like they were torn straight from late night cable access – not-quite-porn. Sera was always so dramatic, it was perfect really – since Tamera wanted her life to be like a movie, wanted to live the life styles of the rich and the famous, shameless, all in between without the public eye. Words didn’t seem so necessary anyway as Sera began to undress painfully slow, her intent of that act, to make Tamera drool – seemed to strike true by her expression, eyes not even leaving her glistening bronze flesh to watch the articles fall to the floor.

Each kiss that came with her clothes removal warranted warmth; contrary to the impression the goose bumps on her skin may make one think. Her breath grew laboured more and more with each, she was beginning to list through herself, as her cheap cotton panties were peeled from her moist petals Tamera gasped at the feeling of cold air prickling the sensitive flesh between her thighs, the warm air of Sera’s breath culling, only to fuel her desire more. She wanted her so badly right now, she felt it building up inside of her, pressure on her chest, her stomach, that throbbing… She had to take a deep settling breath just to keep her up on the counter, only to be pulled off once again, this time without the yelp or admission of contempt.

It split her in half… no, that was entirely too precise for the feeling it gave her – it was more like tore, more like it tore her in half, the pinch at her lip, tore her down the middle and introduced her halves to flame. It felt… a breathless sort of grunt left her, one that would start as a moan but crumple elsewhere as her stomach hardened and she felt that throb between her legs feel more like a hammer, like it wasn’t her lip at all that had been pinched between teeth but her clit flicked by the tongue behind them. Sera was too much. Too much in that she didn’t even give the chance for restoration from the shattered state or regrouping of her routed insides – no rallying cry, but a squeeze of her plump ass “Oohmph…” and promise of more as Tamera’s forehead pressed into her shoulder, a shaky hot breath dying between them.

She felt the ground return beneath her, even though her legs didn’t quite feel like they belonged to her, shaky and tingling with pins and needles of want. Everything about the moment was perfect, finally having the presence to take in the room, she always dreamed of a shower like this – one you could fit a family in but would never need to… internally she giggled, just to think, the first time she dreamed of a shower that could fit a whole family was just for that purpose – so she never had to wait in the morning or get scolded for hogging the little stand up one at home… like most, that fantasy moulded and reformed with time, more for the beauty, the intimacy and the bold statement such things made… and this was beautiful, was intimate – and the way Sera stood in front of the cold water before steam started to rise… that was quite a statement. It was more than just position, more than just bravado, more than just kindness… Tamera felt her cheeks warm hotter than before, her heart melt in her chest rather than pound furiously, she dipped in for a kiss, arms wrapping around her lover, gliding over her flesh, a hand finding her bottom to cup it gently, exploring. Tamera’s other arm, elbow bending and craning back awkwardly, trying to find the best way to find Sera’s front.

Her fingers curled against Sera’s stomach awkwardly before flattening and gliding to her hip, squirming between them till she found the soaked curls just above where the true exploration she wanted could be attained, still, she hesitated. Tamera’s hand slipped back and held her hip anxiously, her other hand leaving Sera’s ass to grace her side, front, breast – a little tweak of her nipple. She didn’t know where to start and when she did, she didn’t know how to continue, where to proceed. Her experience becoming clear in a few fitful whimpers behind the kiss – disappointed in her hesitations. Tamera craned back slightly her face scrunching, eyes closed, forehead meeting Sera’s as she tried to will the confidence to do what she’d done so easily yesterday.

“… fff… mngh… I ah…” like she needed to be told. Tamera’s eyes slid back open, looking into Sera’s before the hand that had left her curls returned, traced down the dip of her hips and found her crotch, nearly jolting back when she felt what she knew to be Sera’s labia’s hood. “Erhm… S-Ser… tell me,” she wanted to be perfect, wanted it to be just how Sera liked it, most of all, she just wanted to… her hand turned and cupped her petals gently, rubbing, committing every warm hill and valley to her memory, feeling how soft and delicate the flesh was, almost squishy… she didn’t possess the words to properly describe it, just like she didn’t quite have the skill to properly pleasure it – but she wanted to try, a finger curling beyond the lips, the warmth inside awesomely powerful compared to out. “Ooh… Th-that’s…” and she dared to push passed and fully, gasping at the feeling of pressure on her finger, the heat… and with the conscious exploration and patience to truly understand and enjoy it. Tamera bit her lip, the anxiety dripping away with each little movement of her fingers, her eyes trying to search out the results on Sera’s face, whether to continue, do more, or just back off and accept the defeat of ineptitude she feared so much.

“Is it nice?”

Sera had never lived out fantasies in her life, from those which were more innocent to the more dramatized and adult fantasies everyone indulged inside their head. For Sera there had been few instances of indulgence. Her parents had made many of them impossible, not caring enough to show interest let alone create magical moments for their little girl. She had lived a life of relative plainness where she did what she needed to do and wasn’t exposed to much else. That was also due to her lack of friends, the majority of people who paid attention to her not exactly helping to make her dreams come true or give her life a positive spin, it was mostly negative and served to crush any hope of a happy magical night, even her prom being a disaster when she was tricked into thinking she had found another girl who wanted to go with her. It was all just a string of mediocrity and nightmares, going from one moment to another with few enjoyable moments and nobody to enjoy the moments that did come along. It had been to a point where she only had the fantasies and there was little else she could do but escape into her head. It had been a long time hobby, dreaming of that perfect birthday with the smiling friends and parents, being surrounded by gifts and laughter. Dreaming of having a slow romantic dance with someone she cared for and not being taunted or humiliated by those around, not being treated horribly just because people could. Then there were other fantasies, those that involved a more promiscuous setting, things that excited and pleasured every inch. Alas those had been destroyed as well and in their place a nightmare had occurred and for a time it had soured her to hope all together, to the prospect of anything good happening.

Heidi had helped her move past a good deal of that, she had given her reasons to celebrate and smile, let her gain some confidence in her beauty and intelligence, made her take care of herself. She remembered having her first real birthday celebration with Heidi, they had a nice dinner and cake, she hadn’t stopped smiling and while it wasn’t a huge celebration with anything terribly lavish it had been one of the happiest days of her entire life. Many such experiences had been given to her by Heidi, they had gone on a date together, danced together, and while the dream of being accepted by others had never been reached she hadn’t given a damn at that point. Being with Heidi had truly been her salvation, what had turned her from thinking she was entirely undesirable and that life would never get better to a woman who could hold her head up and keep herself steady no matter what came her way. As long as she had Heidi she was able to endure anything and still smile at the end of the day. She had even discovered the joys of sex, though that road had been a long and very difficult one for her, not having explained why to Heidi but having taken some time to prepare herself to do anything, being shy and unable to keep her composure. Eventually of course she had made love with her but it was not something that had come quickly, though when it had happened it was magical.

Though that had all come to a screeching halt, the magic they had discovered changed everything and while it amplified many of Sera’s inner traits, especially her confidence, and gave her means beyond end it had swept those moments under the rug. It had driven Heidi off and while Sera couldn’t really grasp that, or the fact that she had changed so much, she had noticed the lack of pure happiness she had once enjoyed. That was until the night with Tamera. It hadn’t been slow or romantic and it sure as hell hadn’t been innocent, but what it lacked in those aspects it made up for in pure passion and pleasure. It had been a fulfillment of such a magnificent fantasy that it had her craving more, more of everything to do with Tamera. Tamera was on her mind and the thought of losing her meant more than simply being abandoned, it meant losing the chance of happiness and joy again, and while she didn’t consciously understand that the instinctual part of her screamed for her to hold on as tight as she could.

And now they were together, it wasn’t a planned out route, there was little direction to what they would become as a couple, but they both wanted it and it wasn’t simply physical. Those factors alone had Sera in such a mood that she was ready for anything and she expressed that in every way possible. She was going after what she wanted and doing so in a fashion that expressed how amazed and excited she was to do so. Sure it could have been conceived as over dramatic or even reckless but for her that didn’t matter, she didn’t care what it came off as so long as Tamera was swept away in it all. So she picked her up, carried Tamera in her arms, squeezed and kissed her in a more intimate and seductive manner than ever, and making it intimate as opposed to lustful, an atmosphere that was much more intoxicating than Sera had anticipated. It had reached a point where she didn’t have to plan a grand gesture, and that it came along naturally and her body blocked the cold water. It had been a statement, an unspoken promise of sorts and while she meant it there had been no premeditation of the act.

The intensity of her own actions were met by a pleasant contrast soon after, Tamera beginning to take a small lead as she began to explore Sera’s body. The feeling of Tamera’s digits hesitantly brushing over her brought a smile to her face and she looked into Tamera’s eyes as it happened. Tamera was inexperienced and yet those fumbles, the hesitation and awkwardness that came with not knowing what to do, felt incredible. It wasn’t pure pleasure, there was no intense blast of sexual magnificence, but there was an intimacy that rapidly increased Sera’s desire and had her body shivering with delight. She wanted to nurture Tamera though, not just experience what she was doing but guide her and it seemed the lovely woman wanted that same thing, to be helped along the path and to figure out what felt best. Sera was more than happy to oblige and she gave small moans and advice as her new inexperienced lover explored, “W-When inside just feel around… You’ll figure out what makes me feel good eventually…” She was breathing a bit heavier, the overall feeling of what was being done to her was incredible and she found herself pressed up against Tamera with her elbows against the tile behind her, keeping herself steady and leaning her head next to Tamera’s.

By that point she had spread her legs and given Tamera plenty of room to do what she pleased, every nook and cranny of her body was hers for the taking and she wanted more than anything to have Tamera do just that. There was something about just being touched on such an intimate level that had her near panting, her desire spilling out in the form of hot breath and slight quivers. Her skin itself was reacting to each touch, sensitive and wanting, her nipples hard and aroused and her folds dripping as they were pressed open by the delicate touch. She leaned her head gently when Tamera sought her approval and began to nibble and lick her neck and each, her voice coming after a moment in a soft desire laden tone. “It feels wonderful… Just keep going, I want you to try anything you want, I’m yours to explore right now…” She then continued to nip and suckle at Tamera’s neck and ear, leaving a small hickey at one point but leaving it on her collar for the moment, the little sensibility she could muster telling her not to ruin the moment by making Tamera worry about what she had done causing her to become discovered, which was a possibility if she had left a hickey on the upper neck.

“You know… You can be a bit more firm… I’m not so fragile that I will break.” Sera wanted to let Tamera know that she could do whatever she wanted, explore whether she wanted, and that she could take it, and while it wasn’t expressed, that wanted to take it. In light of that she took a deep breath and reached a hand down Tamera’s side, enjoying the smooth skin and licking her lips as she gave that luscious ass a tight squeeze. “Just do what feels right love.” Her other arm stayed against the wall to keep her stable and as the water became nice and warm she began to relax even more, her entire body nice and receptive of whatever came next. Of course she was playing it out a bit in her head, excited as it was and becoming more excited than ever as the ideas of what could be coming next ran through her head, her lips pressing against Tamera’s skin, kissing and nibbling her delicate flesh to push her on, to push her to loosen up and do whatever her mind desired, to just go with her instinct instead of letting her head make her nervous.

Tamera had never experienced something quite like this… or rather, she never would have likened the experience to something else easily. It was truly beautiful, poetry in motion before her and she was hanging on every little flourish created by the intimate exchange, she was vulnerable, admitting inexperience, curious and with embarrassment in her world humiliation was almost never far behind but in this moment there was none… she was humbled by it all and still she continued on – maybe brave wasn’t the right word to attach to such things but she did feel a certain inexplicable swell inside her that could maybe be described as just that. Tamera was trembling ever so slightly, her breaths just as laboured as Sera’s a tone that spoke to Sera just how unsure she was hitching within each. She didn’t know what she was doing but she wasn’t rushing to get it right, to be perfect, to be anything but exactly what she was – the truly profound truth behind it all – Tamera wasn’t trying to be anything but what she was in this very moment, a girl falling for another, who just wanted to make her feel good.

It had been so long, so long since the last time she didn’t feel completely and utterly predisposed, so long since she didn’t pine for more than what she had while denying any hope of ever being okay with what she had, it had been so long since the last time she could savour a moment exactly how it was without being desperately woeful for the realities – and this all given on the preconception she was actually being honest with herself in that very moment… so long, ignoring entirely the night before of course. Next to Sera, of course, of course there would be worries and anxieties – hell, the things they were doing together were one of a small few very root causes of her worries and anxieties, but even still it seemed like next to her the volume was turned so low it almost didn’t matter. Next to Sera, in this moment, Tamera was able to clear her mind, let all her obsessions and anxieties die a natural death – it always seemed the harder she tried to kill them the stronger they got inside.

It was like the first time she’d wrote, or rather, the first time she’d wrote and really loved it. Writing was so perfect for her, even today, after hobbies like singing in the shower or running track and field were too damned embarrassing to even attempt – there were plenty girls here on academic and scholarships of the arts, she was one of just as many here with financial aid provided by her writing, something she didn’t feel the need to worry over if she was the best or the worst or passable or not because whether or not it was this or that at the end of the day it was a labour of love and one she secretly knew most of the girls that could possibly use it to hurt her never even saw it oh, that’s just Tam’s writing, -I’ll read it later. they’d give her hollow compliments that sounded genuine and excitement just the same but she knew none of them ever took the time and she could thank her stars for that. Writing was an escape for her, it always had been, even in the good times she could escape from fancy-free to fanciful in a breath, good, bad and ugly all melted away when a keyboard or pen and pad were in her hands. –she felt that very same intimate escape as she looked back into Sera’s eyes and carefully inserted another finger. It wasn’t that she was escaping from the moment, from Sera, it was more that she was escaping from her life with Sera, taking her on a journey without her ever having to begrudgingly settle down with an essay, passage or short story she’d wrote.

Her and Sera were escaping together, her fingers inside directing the story.

The two digits did just as Sera allowed them, for a moment she tried wrapping them around each other and swirling them slightly, whether or not it felt nice for Sera it felt stranger for her – and the other hand of hers she just couldn’t figure out where the hell to let it settle. Her free hand would feel nice, kneading her ass for a moment, only to feel the need to rise up her back to her shoulder – down her arm to steal her hand if only for a second, back to her ass then around her side, along her ribs, up to her breast squeezed between them – maybe she was just anxious because it didn’t matter where or for how long it always felt off. She tried spreading her fingers, to the same strange effect, it just didn’t quite feel right and admittedly she worried it may not feel right for Sera either, the hot lust spilling from within the walls she spread so delicately warmed the web between her fingers and palm with a strange tickling sensation and she couldn’t quite figure out if it were her wrists, arm or actual fingers themselves that were supposed to do the work, it was like she was blindly trying every little idea that popped into her mind with hopes she’d eventually find the right one… after much experimentation and a understanding of what Sera’s moans meant and the certain breadths of pleasure behind them, the levels to those breadths, she eventually believed she’d found her sweet spot, not after a little more verbal confirmation and a slight distraction at her neck and ass.

Her two fingers, pressed together, were curled within Sera pointing back at herself, toward their chins as Tamera leaned in to steal a kiss – not pumping in and out but rather curling and uncurling against what she knew to be what of her G-spot she could reach. It almost seemed laughably obvious when she’d reached it, questionable why she hadn’t thought to go straight for that particular spot… but the journey had been one she’d loved every second of, one not over just yet.

When Sera’s moans and pants seemed to be reaching their critical mass and Tamera’s lips were swollen and listless from occupation she urged Sera forward without words – gave herself enough space to kneel, eyes floating up to see Sera’s face one last time before they closed. Her fingers still inside, a little more heated in their endeavours now that she knew gentle wasn’t exactly a must (not to say she went wild for it) she found herself at eye level with Sera’s sex. She didn’t look, more blindly moved forward with her hand’s position as a suggested guide, the tip of her nose finding Sera’s landing strip, flattening against her slick skin a little nervous chuckle erupted from her, tongue soon following as she began to taste Sera with the same curious nature as she’d felt her out, carefully running her tongue around every little fold, ridge, valley and bulb of her entrance and hood… it seemed she no longer needed quite the same affirmation in the process either.

… for the moment at least, “Better?” –as if it had been bad at any point through, though she didn’t wait for an answer, maybe her nerves finally getting to her, head turning to the side as water cascaded down on them both, lips finding Sera’s clit as she pulled her hair back with her free hand, giving Sera a view of her face as she began to suck the bundle of nerves gently.

… and so this was what it was like, to write, to read, to run, to play, to be free and have fun doing it… to have sex (not fuck), intimate, beautiful, profoundly moving sex with someone you truly (in that very moment) cared for.

It had been a long time since Sera had let anybody get close to her. The woman had successfully shut herself off from any meaningful human interaction for quite some time, no friends to speak of and even enemies being taken care off in a manner that didn’t allow her any real human interaction, even in a negative environment. Sera had isolated herself, locked away in the blackness that had enveloped her, using people and making threats but never connecting, and having abstained from all physical contact. Humans were not meant to be alone, to be isolated from one another. Physical and mental connections provide stimulus and release detrimental to the mental health of the delicate race and it had only caused Sera to spiral faster in her descent to inhuman, her eyes turning from morality and her heart kept from any sort of warmth. It hadn’t been sad or something she thought about, Sera had been numbed to the feeling some time ago, unable to remember exactly what it felt like to have those connections, and never truly knowing to begin with. Since Heidi nobody had been able to get near her, attach themselves and bring her out of the lonely darkness she seemed to hide in. Before Heidi it was more of the same, her natural setting, how she seemed to end up, it was always alone. It was simply one of those facts of life, something that was so innate and natural for Sera that she didn’t know it was missing until it was once again brought to her attention. Tamera did that.

Tamera’s presence, that twist of fate that had begun with Sera taking advantage of a situation had brought her to yet another bright light to rekindle her desire for contact. What had started as an attempt to blackmail a previous transgressor into a useful tool had turned in to something much more profound, a happenstance that would no doubt send a shockwave through what Sera had once again accepted as the norm for her life. It had already started in fact. The night before had been the first time Sera had been with another woman in bed since Heidi, and their physical relationship had ended before Heidi had decided to cut ties, and their mental connection perhaps even before that. Sure they loved each other but feelings locked away even by one party severs the connection, makes it impossible for that warmth to spread. That connection, the emotional tie, Sera felt something of similarity to that with Tamera. It was small, miniscule even, yet it was there. She wouldn’t call it love, in fact it had no title at all in her mind, a mere feeling, something positive and endearing, the kind of unexplainable attraction on more than a physical level. It was there and it had grown even in the one night they had been together, from something she wouldn’t or couldn’t believe to something she was happy to accept.

Happy. That was the operative word, the pivotal centerpiece of the entire range of experiences, both emotional and otherwise, that Sera found herself wrapped up in. Yet, as much as she found herself thinking about it not for a moment did she question it. It was too enjoyable and exciting to do anything but go with it, as she had nothing else that rivaled the feeling she found herself experiencing with Tamera. Funny considering the day before she would have thought about going for her throat before ever going in for a kiss. No longer, it all seemed to be tossed aside, a glance at the inner Tamera. The Tamera beneath the surface was inverse to what she usually showed, the bared teeth and complete bitch she made sure to come across as was not who she was. Tamera, at least in Sera’s eyes, was adorable, intelligent, hot-headed which only added to her adorable nature, and a plethora of other adjectives that made Sera smile. Sure she was insecure, there was a reason she couldn’t come out, she didn’t want to be teased and taunted, Sera could understand that in a way, and it certainly wasn’t enough to condemn the woman now that Sera had a peek at the truth.

No, nothing was going to change her newfound opinion, and while it was a bit hasty Sera was confident in her new understanding of Tamera. That didn’t mean she was oblivious to the reality of the situation she had jumped head first into, she was aware of Tamera’s reservations and that it wouldn’t be an easy road, but she was willing to travel it. Besides, it came with so many bonuses aside from getting to know who Tamera really was, one of which was currently being enacted on her at that very moment, a moan breaking her panting as she felt another slender digit slid up inside her. Sera’s slick hot passage squeezed down around the fingers, her lips still kissing and nibbling all over Tamera’s upper body, from collarbone to neck her ears, and even one playful nip to Tamera’s nose when she found the opportunity, Sera managing a playful grin before tipping her head back slightly and letting out a wanting moan. Sera wasn’t sure what the hell was going on, Tamera’s hand was moving from one place to another with seemingly random purpose, finding its way to so many wonderful little spots, beginning to pleasure them, and then retreating. It drove her crazy, the small little appetizers of pleasure, giving her just a taste of what could have been coming her way and then leaving Sera’s body to desire more of the touch. It was agonizing and Sera wasn’t quite sure what Tamera was up to, not knowing if she was just experimenting, her inexperience explaining that, or if it was on purpose to have Sera begging by the end, which would be terribly difficult but not impossible if she maintained such a teasing style.

The fingers inside of her were doing much of the same thing, seeming to change completely several times, as if Tamera was switching something up just to make sure her body couldn’t get use to anything. That made her moans become a tad more frequent for the duration, proof that whether it was on purpose or not that her once again random seeming movements had Sera at their mercy. Yet, as amazing as that felt something even better soon arrived, the moment Tamera found the G-spot Sera had been waiting for her to chance upon. A moan, more pronounced and lust laden than any before it spilled from Sera’s mouth and she had to move both arms back up against the wall as Tamera honed in on her discovery. “F-Fuck, Tamera, that’s it…” She moaned out, her moans becoming more intense every time Tamera came back to that spot, gritting her teeth and trying to get through the period Tamera took to alternate and make sure she had found what she believed she had. Her lips hungrily pressed against Tamera’s when they came, her tongue sliding inside Tamera’s mouth and batting around the other woman’s tongue as she made her passion and desire clear.

Tamera’s learning curve and desire for experience was frightening however because before long she had pushed Sera back a ways and dropped to her knees, a sight that had Sera quivering with delight all on its own. “You’re so damn sexy.” It was spoken through heavy breaths and while it sounded a bit cheesy it was the truth, nothing described the sight beneath her better than those words. Of course Sera herself was quite a sight at that point, being pushed back had her hair now matted to her head and face, it being short but still having a very wild and sexual look to it. Her skin glistened with water droplets and her perky breasts were at complete attention, not to mention her eyes. Sera had a look that didn’t just speak towards her desire but had this feeling of coveting, a look that spoke of how excited and happy she was to have laid her claim to the woman beneath her, a claim that had been approved by Tamera. It was a natural look and one she would never use in public because it was a look that made it clear that she had some degree of feelings for Tamera and that they were of a possessive and wanting nature.

The look could only be removed through one method and that was what came, Tamera’s increased efforts to pleasure her. The addition of a tongue and lips assaulting her most sensitive bundle of nerves while the fingers still took advantage of their sensitive discovery, that was enough to have her in a position of little power. She lost the ability to perceive anything but what was happening at Tamera’s hand and she began moaning and whimpering, her legs shaking slightly as she struggled against the pleasure quickly building. “M-Much better.” She managed to answer but as she looked down to see Tamera’s beautiful face attending to her lower region she lost control, the image beneath her one too incredible for her to keep a hold on herself and mere moments later she reached her peak. Her hands hit the wall in front of her and her hips pressed forward, legs quivering but holding up to the sensation coursing through her. Her juices splashed out and covering the fingers still assaulting her G-spot without mercy, and she cried out in delight.

The intimacy of the situation seemed to make the climax more intense, certainly it had felt better than the night before and not because Tamera had gained some vast knowledge since then, but because there was that emotional and intimate connection. It had lasted longer as well and by the time it was over Sera was panting and highly satisfied, though her libido was not the type to be sated for long. Of course it had worn her out in the end and she didn’t have the strength, at least she didn’t feel like she did, to lift Tamera back to her feet. Instead she reached down and removed Tamera’s fingers before dropping down to her own knees and looking into Tamera’s eyes, “Amazing… It felt great.” She smiled before leaning in and taking a nice long kiss. When she pulled back she was breathing a bit heavier than ever but it was worth it, especially when it crossed her mind that it was her turn finally. “Now, it’s my turn.” She didn’t wait for Tamera to get up but instead gently pushed her into the corner of the shower, spreading her legs once she did and leaning in for yet another kiss.

Tamera had such an amazing body, her curves were marvelous, she was naturally beautiful which made her shine even without the makeup and fancy clothing she seemed so fond of, and it was obvious she took care of herself. Then there was how damn sexy she was, not just that she was attractive but that she seemed to have some very fun preferences, one that Sera had learned of the night before, and thoroughly enjoyed exploiting, was that luscious ass. Sera couldn’t mind pleasuring that perfect rump all day, and while she had more soft and intimate plans for what she was going to do next she didn’t entirely put that juicy rear out of mind, it would get some attention even if just to hear Tamera’s voice change as it seemed to when her rear was involved, and partially for Sera’s own desires, her love for a nice ass something she hadn’t been so aware of before being presented with one.

As much as she wanted to dive in, go straight down and begin her work she didn’t. Instead Sera looked into Tamera’s eyes, water pouring down atop her as she did, and gave her a playful little grin before licking her lips. “Feel free to give me directions if you see fit.” With that she moved in, a light peck on the lips before her mouth moved its way to that smooth neck again, once more tempted to leave a visible mark of what was hers, and once again maintaining control. She then moved down further, finding her way to those immaculate breasts, mouth and tongue exploring every inch, teeth playfully scrapping and nibbling those perky little nipples. She continued that for some time, enough to cause them to become a bit sensitive before moving further south, kissing down that flat stunning stomach, a hand staying higher up and continuing the mouth’s work on those breasts and their nipples, pulling and twisting in the most soft and gentle manner, just to keep her excitement at peak as her mouth got its fill of kissing Tamera’s stomach and thighs. That was obtained eventually however and her hand departed the lovely breasts for the moment and leaving her tongue to do its work, Sera knowing just how to start, lengthy slow licks from the bottom to the top of Tamera’s lovely slit, running a circle around the clit each time it founds its way upwards. She wanted to start slow, to have Tamera’s desires peaked.

Sera’s praise was like music to her ears, some sort of music she’d never heard before – like a favourite song for the first time, definitely liked, loved even, it just clicked in all its splendor… and then there was nothing that seemed more like utter satisfaction than the idea of playing it on repeat. She wanted to hear those words of praise looped over and over, while Sera could be so corny and blunt about these things there was something about the way she’d said her name, that’s it, that had Tamera’s insides twisting for reciprocation of her act. She wanted Sera’s fingers inside her, far more skilled, her tongue just the same tending to her every sensitive spot, all the ones she’d seemed to find yesterday without so much as a glance first, the ones she seemed so incredibly versed in driving wild. She wanted, no, she needed that in her life right now, just the same, what they were doing, this right here, she wanted it just as much. She wouldn’t be happy with her own lust, her own cries, her own squirms and sentences that became little more than guttural huffs and groans by the time they were given vocalization. Something about the way she said it, not what she said, maybe more what she didn’t say… there were two ways Sera spoke, ignoring the vulnerable self-depreciation of not long ago, she was either like a cheap pornography or she was calculated and writhingly precise in delivery of her inarguable points; that was just it though, Fuck, Tamera… that’s it. it told Tamera she was doing such a good job of this, Sera went outside herself to tell her so.

It was no easy task and not something to be humble for but rather filled to brimming with pride – she was making Sera the unbendable full on fold. –that alone was enough to spur her anticipation all the more powerful while satiating her ego enough she’d be glad to wait. No easy task because despite all there was floating around her mind she simply could not stop, even as her bicep became strained, fingers, the membrain between her tongue and the bed of her mouth, it all began to feel the toll, but she refused to let up till she knew she’d done more than just That’s it, she wanted Fuuuhuuhuck T-tamera! or something of the like, she wanted the last verse, the drop, hell the whole damn album if she had it in her!

She didn’t even bat a lash at the porny line that would usually have her hissing this or that, well, she didn’t hiss – her eye did venture up to meet Sera’s with an endearing sort of twinkle… about as endearing as one could be with their head between another’s legs – and just like that she was back at it, the odd moan rolling through her chest in the process. Yet again her mind was wandering to curiously joyous places, to lustful places of absolute and unquestionable content. She loved the taste, the warmth, she’d almost of hated the feeling of the odd cascade of water from the shower matting her hair or pooling at the side of her nose and eye but the way it flushed down Sera’s stomach, crotch, down the dips of her hips, it filled her mouth with the taste she couldn’t get enough of – slightly diluted but… but why the hell was she thinking of any of this? A little pang of a guilty sort of weird wriggled through the back of her mind, that brief moment she’d have every once in a while while staring at another girl’s ass or chest and thing No, it’s not like that. Right? sometimes she could easily accept, Hey world, I’m gay as fuck. other times however, it was an outright internal no and in beautifully carefree days where she was too busy crippled by the pressure of her social life she didn’t think about it at all, her eyes wandered, her mind complimented – she continued on to the next… and here she was in her mind I love pussy, taste, feel, scent, pussy. –not-not gay… gay? –shut up. without skipping a beat when it came to her circling tongue and slapping lips.

Sometimes Tamera didn’t even know why she was still questioning it, like the pressure of society was really that strong. It was a strange sort of thing, the denial her fear could impose on her. She could appreciate a male for what the rest of the world deemed desirable, but that was it, it did nothing for her and took more debating and sorting of reservations to the point it seemed more of a chore than anything, her friends said she just had standards too high for her own good, she’d learned to grin and say something to the effect of I may have high standards, but that’s because I know I’m worth more than most have to offer. and flounce away triumphantly, meanwhile, she was probably appreciating and sexualizing the bodies of the girls she was in debate with! –so with that in mind it really was impossible to say there was even a reasonable doubt, maybe it was a matter of lying so much she even believed them on occasion. Tamera just didn’t want to believe the world could have such an inverse effect on her, she liked to justify all these things by saying she was the one in control, she was the one spinning the lies, making them believe her game of make believe, therefor… what the fuck? If she was the one in control and she was the one who spun the yarns and she was the one who was the decider… why were there ever any questions about anything? Why was anything ever hard to weed out internally? All arguments she could possibly produce collapsed on themselves, it may have provided a little posterity if she told herself she was collapsing with them but in this moment there was no collapse – she just… she was just… just was. It was easy to be a certain way, the hardest part of Tamera’s life was what it meant to just be, be herself. Right now that’s how it felt, just being. So that was it, was it her secret ways from the world, or did that secret extend passed her eyes and become a secret from herself also?

Before the debate became any further convoluted and damaging the natural state of just being captured her once again and she felt herself delivering Sera, felt herself entirely captivated by what that looked and felt like also a small gasp and a roil up her spine as the first spasm was felt around her fingers. A rush of hot liquid she knew did not originate from the showerhead, her walls quivering and convulsing on her fingers, those songs she sung reaching their climax just like she, and then the fade… and the pride that came with knowing she’d done that to her, it almost made her feel giddy, giddy for that brief moment between Sera’s orgasm and the realization it meant she had one on the way.

Sera dropped to eye level and Tamera smiled at her bashfully, about to take the thanks she’d received without the grace she wished and explain she was sure she could do better and she didn’t know what to do at first and well, Tamera’s insecurities had almost been given all the power the wanted, the power to be sputtered out in an entirely inappropriate and unnecessary way and moment… but Sera, sweet and perfect as she was – with her deadly sexy edge – captured her lips in a passionate kiss before they could betray her. A little whine and a grunt to go with it came from behind pushed into the corner, it was a light shove but certainly unexpected – a face scrunching pout following while her eyes were entirely endearing like they’d been not long ago. One of her legs lay out straight, the other bent at the knee – spread as far as they could be and still offer comfort, laying on her lower back and bottom, the rest of her piqued up against the corner of the shower – arms not quite knowing where they belonged so they ended up as extra props. Yesterday had seemed so much more fluid and natural… maybe because she’d had the opportunity for insecurities and thoughts stolen from her by how demanding Sera had been, now she felt awkward and silly and entirely inept… again though, herself, which made up for it because there was no deep downs to it, she felt truly amazing beside it all.

For her, Sera was being a gentle, generous and patient lover – more than she could ask for.

Sera licked her lips looking her in the eyes, Tamera bit hers and looked away if only for a second – bashful still – and then followed her down to her chest, deep breaths pushing the mounds out then back to normal each time she breathed in and out. “Oooh…” she moaned quietly, then squeaked her head craning backwards against the wall of the shower, neck twisting in result of her sensitivity, Sera knew just how to melt her and she’d gladly be reduced to a puddle in her efforts. Tami hadn’t even responded to the guidance, it had frozen her for the brief second it had registered, almost made her more nervous than anything really, until she actually did the idea of making any noises let alone directions while they did this was hard to fathom, of course though, hisses and protests from the night before would betray that, Sera was amazing Tamera didn’t think she really needed any suggestions on how to be just that… it wasn’t embarrassment, she tried to tell herself, embarrassment that if she told Sera just what she wanted and how she wanted it she’d sound like a porny loser too… or worse, like a sex craving lesbian. –another thing true or not, if left unsaid, it couldn’t hurt her.

Each addition of Sera’s teeth caused a pitched breath to suck through her teeth, not a hiss of derision but a hissing sort of gasp before her eyes closed and rolled backward, letting herself let go again, letting her shoulders slump slightly and her body melt into the wall a small smile on her lips between the moans. Her stomach tightened as she felt the kisses reach it, more hissing greedy breaths at the fingers gently tweaking her nipples, she didn’t want Sera to focus on her stomach for long – not a self conscious thing, more a not self conscious anymore, thing but present ever so slightly just the same. –thankfully she didn’t have to wait for terribly long “Mmmmnggh…” that hot wet slip deviding her slowly and then circling her clit, her whole body shivering much like her breath – then a hand found it’s place, casually, comfortably, leaving her side, weight shifting more into the wall, Tamera reached out and tucked some of the hair matted to Sera’s face behind her ear before resting the hand on her shoulder, a little reminder she was there and a visage of control even though she’d never take it… or maybe she just wanted to feel Sera under her skin as much as she wanted to be felt under Sera’s.

Sera was an interesting specimen, a person who didn’t make a whole lot of sense if one looked at her closely, if they knew how her life had been. She had always been ignored or abandoned by those she wanted to pay attention to her, bullied by those she didn’t want anything to do with, and internally she was anything but stable. However none of that seemed to bog her down. She had some insecurities and some emotional vulnerabilities, a fear of abandonment and severe case of self-loathing. Yet despite that she flourished, Sera was confident and never hid from who she truly was, choosing to be open about her sexuality and take the bullying. She even kept strong despite all of her insecurities, denying to let anyone else break her, and she had always been charming. Even those who picked on her could see that and perhaps her charisma had only made things worse for Sera. Yes, she was a strong woman, she overcame her problems and always kept her chin up, always kept herself together in front of other people. Her relationship with Heidi was proof of that, she had tried to keep what she had done private and to keep Heidi from having to see what she was doing, and even though Heidi leaving her had been heartbreaking she hadn’t shown any weakness and aside from a few attempts to get her lover back she had remained cool and collected, making it hard to tell just how much she had wanted Heidi back. So yes, she was strong among the other qualities that made Sera seem so dangerous and attractive, she would not be stepped on nor would she be swayed, nobody was going to convince her of anything, or at least that had been how it had gone for so long.

She had been solid and unwavering, the years of loneliness and bullying hadn’t broken her spirit and she had been confident nothing would. Yet the appearance of Tamera changed that, from the moment her eyes settled on the woman in the hallway it had changed everything. At first it had been Sera moving to eliminate a bully, to protect Heidi like she had always tried to do and to use the woman to get a little something she wanted, as a pawn in a complex game even she wasn’t sure would work. Then that night it had taken a different turn, her desire and inner needs, needs she hadn’t even been consciously aware of, had crept from within and made her new relationship with Tamera into something much more than partners in a business like capacity or blackmailer and target. No, they had gone from that to sexual partners, they have experienced a night so passionate that it would have confused anyone who found out. Hell it had confused Sera a bit as well, her desire for Tamera, the pleasure she gained from being with someone she had considered an enemy, it felt dirty but so damn exciting. It had been incredible, and before she knew what was happening it had become even more than sex, more than physical, the Sera she refused to acknowledge had grasped on to her and she wanted something more. She wanted a relationship with emotional and mental connections, something physical but more than mere lust, something intimate that could fulfill her need for companionship, a need that had gone on unsated for a very long time, building up like water behind a dam trying to force its way through, searching for the tiniest of cracks.

All of that, from the initial plan to the unexpected outcome, had led both of them to the current situation. They were both wanting the physical end, the sex, they were both highly attracted to one another, and then, the most miraculous part was that they both wanted something intimate and loving. That had been the part that had astounded Sera, she had believed it would be unrequited, that she had developed feelings but that Tamera would take one look at the needy broken side of her and run away, especially when it seemed she had wanted to get away before then. When that didn’t happen it had been nothing short of a damn miracle, one Sera didn’t question. All that had been left was to seal it all, Tamera had done her part, she had moved past her fear of being with another woman, or more precisely the fear of those at St. Marriott’s finding out, and went as far as to pleasure Sera. It was a huge leap, one that have Sera so absolutely giddy inside that she could hardly contain herself. Sera was ready to return the favor in kind, to give Tamera a more intimate present than material goods and have her screaming her name.

First however she had to decide how best to go about it, a decision not to be made lightly. Some people believed sex was just about reaching pleasure, they used power or speed to force other person to climax in a quick manner and while that could feel amazing, and at some moments was just what the doctor ordered, it was not how Sera usually liked to play things. So she settled on a more playful way to stimulate Tamera, by not going straight for the G-spot or pushing her on a linear path to pleasure. No, she decided to take a more wobbly path, to push Tamera just far enough that it felt incredible but to keep her from going any further, create a glass ceiling of sorts that would only be shattered if Tamera took control, perhaps with that hand on Sera’s shoulder, or if she begged like a good girl. It was partially a test, partially because Sera liked being teasing and playful, but also partially because Tamera liked things her way and if she was denied what her body wanted it would surely be an entertaining outcome, even if Sera didn’t know exactly what would happen. So she was going to see it through, be as agonizingly amazing as she could manage without giving Tamera enough to peak. It wasn’t going to be easy, she wanted to pleasure Tamera quite a bit, to hear her cry out and feel her body convulse beneath her skilled tongue and fingers, but she would managed, even if only to hear those cute little whines she knew would come and the possible outrage.

Sera looked up at Tamera from below, her head rising up and stopping all pleasure for a moment and she smirked playfully, an omen of what was to come for Tamera without actually giving away her plan. Then, with a nip to her inner thigh Sera started back downwards, a little “Get ready love” escaping her lips before they went and pressed up against the delicate pussy lips awaiting her so eagerly. Her hands kept Tamera’s legs spread, gently rubbing her thighs before wrapping around the beautiful smooth legs, situating Tamera into the perfect position. Sera took a long moment to take it all in and as her sense became overwhelmed with what was in front of her she finally stopped hesitating and made her move. It wasn’t what would be expected of her, Sera was calm despite her words and the rather intense feeling she was giving off, in fact she was all together gentle. Her tongue had extended out and slowly licked up the entire length, doing circles around the clit as it had done previously, but before long she delved deeper, each slow long lick pressing her tongue deep into Tamera’s folds until her nose was pressed against Tamera’s crotch and her tongue extended as far as it could go inside Tamera. It was slow, slow and thorough, not a single inch of Tamera being missed, each section receiving slow and gentle attention. Her hands gripped those incredible thighs tight, struggling against the desire to slip down and behind where the intoxicating ass lay in wait, ignoring the call of the seductive rear.

That continued for some time but Sera wasn’t going to allow any intense pleasure to occur from repetition and soon she made a switch, the tongue that had been going ever so slow inside Tamera began stabbing in and out, delving in deep but changing it up, and when that ended she moved on to even more taunting methods, her tongue retracting all together and Sera licking and nipping at Tamera’s thighs and even her stomach. It seemed so fluid and natural it was hard if not impossible to tell that she was doing anything but what seemed right to her, yet her motive was not so innocent, she was trying to drive Tamera insane with want. She didn’t speak either, the entire time she didn’t ask Tamera how it felt, what she wanted, or even comment on how much she enjoyed it, instead she left it to Tamera to say the first thing and make the first move, her mouth playing with every little part of her within range but never spending too long doing anything specific. And her fingers, well she managed to keep them away from the luscious ass that lay in wait for them, as hard as it was. Yes Sera had a plan and that plan required control over her own desires and the continued seduction and teasing of the beauty above her. That wasn’t really hard, the water and her natural charms did enough for her to be seductive, and her actions took care of the rest. It was a waiting game now, Tamera would eventually crack, though Sera herself had a limit as well, it was hard to tease and ignore someone she truly desired.

Back home, Tami C, she was about as honest as people came – a humble little smile and a twinkle in her eyes, she worked hard – stayed late without ever being asked, she did more than meet expectations, she expected more from herself. Tamera knew back then just doing what everybody else did was a path to being like everybody else was, she didn’t want to be like everybody else was! She was constantly caught between what that meant though, did it mean being kind and courteous, generous and hard-working, swallowing her pride and folding in on herself when really she wanted to tell a co-worker to fuck off or show a bully what it felt like to hurt… or did it mean a different sort of hard working? It seemed the people around her that did the very least always got the very best of rewards. It left her in constant moral dilemma. Tamera always knew the right thing to do, she always knew what was the moral choice, what felt best inside, it was a blessing really that generally it was the thing that would serve her purpose best. If she wanted her wildest dreams to come true, to be rich and loved and never have a care or need the world over, she’d need to get herself far enough to find the one who was going to take her the rest of the way. –at least, that’s how it had been since she started at St. Marriott’s, on her summer breaks, knew she had to be the way she’d always been, save money, buy beautiful clothes outside her means, she couldn’t have free times, she couldn’t make new friends, couldn’t be discouraged by the fact every spare cent she got never went into any of the lavishes she wanted to be accommodated with, only the superficial things, only the appearances, was that enough to justify how empty she felt?

Was it the lifestyle that was going to make her feel fulfilled, or the one she shared it with… the woman… she was sure it was the lifestyle, sure it was the clothes, the big beautiful home, the fine dining and always having what she needed – what she wanted – everything else… in reality though, she’d always had everything she needed and she’d gotten plenty of the things she wanted along the way – and she still felt empty, in fact, she’d never felt more empty than she did walking through the doors of St. Marriott’s this year, and she was farther along in her best laid plans than she’d ever been! Tamera had more clothes that fit the part than she ever had, she had some jewelry that wasn’t clear or ostentatious knock off, some of it entirely genuine article, she’d learned how to act like them without even batting a lash or breaking a sweat, the guilt was getting worse when it came up but otherwise she was almost entirely numb to it… she was sure by the end of this year she could work for six months at her old job, maybe less if she was lucky, hone her craft while she was at it then she’d have enough money for a security deposit on an apartment in the big city, she had enough clothes (especially with Sera’s help now) that she could come across as some debutant, a woman of privilege, she could find a job with her education – one that would be nearly as impressive as her clothing and her perfectly forged persona from St. Marriott’s… then she could find that person, so many that was it. It wasn’t enough without every piece in parcel, she was missing several.

It was a little scary to admit to herself; sitting there – with Sera between her legs… she felt closer to full than she ever had when purchasing a dress, a bauble or some sort of fancy meal –without the thrilling terror that arrived from the game she played out there… not to say there was no thrill or fear involved in their exchange. -her fear came from just how excited she was, how close to a level of content she was sure she could live with. Her life was spent dreaming of a time she could be okay, the joy inside her, she imagined this was how she’d feel when those dreams came true. So what did that mean? -and the thrill “Hnnngmm,” her hip rocked once, bottom leaving the marble floor for a split second before flattening slightly with its uncompromising surface, she pressed into the corner of the shower hard, teeth raking along her lower lip, eyes closed tight, brows curling up toward her hairline.

… it felt so good!

Every little sensation made her cringe, her toes splay then curl, then gasp and subsequently squeak and hiss as pace picked up and Sera’s tongue darted in and out. How close her face was to her, how deep her tongue entered, each movement of the hot muscle sending pulses through her body… it was different than last night, different than anything! Yesterday had been sweltering heat, the sort that burned her alive from the inside out, this, while it felt so intoxicatingly pleasuring it was… slow, intimate, almost, she almost felt like Sera was teasing her! Felt like Sera was holding the other above her head, just to make her squirm, at least, that was how she felt when the tongue left her, when her chin no longer pressed into the small dip of skin between her pussy and ass, her nose no longer flat against her crotch, she full on whimpered at the tickling little sensations of nips, licks, and kisses on sexually charged but far less sensitive flesh.

Yes, yesterday had been different, very much, it was a battle for each and every fitful orgasm, Sera had attacked her with her tongue and fingers and she’d been brow beat by it. When Heidi and her had… well, when she’d given Heidi her virginity, it was a curious and tender affair, they’d curled into each other atop Heidi’s bed glowing in midafternoon summer sun, they’d giggled and laughed, then moaned and breathed deep as each explored each other’s body respectively, anxious little reserves dying by eye contact, by welcoming embrace, Heidi had rubbed her through her panties till she felt herself reach climax, crying out with her face muffled by Heidi’s duvets, Heidi’s cries muffled by a deep tender kiss Tamera had stolen. Admittedly, beautiful as it had been, neither of them really knew what the hell they were doing, it felt great but it wasn’t by any stretch an orgasm to remember, an orgasm to covet… it wasn’t love or lust even… well, puppy love maybe. –still, till yesterday she’d thought that was the difference between sex and fucking, there was no in between, she thought it was either tender and loving and intimate, or it was angry and loud and the sort of thing that shattered minds, kinked spines.

So what was this?

It was some sort of grey area in between and she couldn’t handle it any longer, her other hand left the shower’s floor, making her shift slightly, her back and the beds of her knees trembling as she sunk in to comfort. The hand found the side of Sera’s head, raking through her hair, finger tips gracing her scalp. “Seraa…” she whined. Did she want Sera to have sex with her, or did she want Sera to fuck her? –maybe that was the real question she should be asking herself.

Lovers had sex, what they were yesterday, whatever they were, they fucked – so what did something more do?

The fearful questions, the sort that only brought up more, only put more and more pieces of herself – only the most convoluted into question, it was a quick shift. A shift from fear to frustration, both laced thoroughly with sexual fuel. She’d let Sera do as she would for too long, it wasn’t by her terms anymore – even if she didn’t know her terms she knew these weren’t them, she didn’t want to be teased, whether she was fucked or they had sex didn’t matter, she just knew she couldn’t deal with this constantly swelling heat inside her that begged for more. The hand on her shoulder pushed Sera back down from her stomach and toward her crotch, a little tug at the hair on the side of her head “Stop being a fuckerrr,” she spat, maybe Sera just was… just a little too interested in the foreplay and not nearly enough in the reward. “C’mon… I did you,” looking down on Sera with way too much desperation to be considered as frustrated as her fucker insinuated. Her legs bent at the knee and she slid her heels along the warm surface of the shower with a little squawk of wet skin against smooth stone.

“Just… ffff… you’re ruining it,” there it was, the omission that sorted out her motives rather clearly. If she just wanted to be fucked, teasing would ruin it; just like she had when they kissed in front of the couch, she urged Sera’s face between her thighs, forced her to continue before she had time to identify what she’d just verbalized her guilt in – again. Then to cover her tracks she added, “I want you to fuck me Sera.” True, but only if one didn’t look at things with the limited definitions she abided by.

Maybe that was the lie, the girl she was back home – maybe this was who she was. –maybe she was the shameless bitch who only wanted to use and be used… maybe she wasn’t full, just getting what she really wanted.

Sera had always been intelligent, she had always had a natural gift that allowed her to soar above most other people. She was the kind of woman who not only had the natural abilities but had the work-ethic and will to study and utilize her inner potential. To that end she had made it through high school as the valedictorian, her unpopular nature making the big speech painful for her, people jeering and booing as she tried to say something the least bit profound, though most of it went over her classmates heads. Her intellect was also what had landed Sera into St. Marriott’s, her lack of financial backing only leaving scholarships as options and while she was in shape she was nowhere near skilled enough as an athlete to do anything of that nature. So really she was lucky she had her brain to fall back on and it had landed her, even in St. Marriott’s, with relative ease. Then there was the Sera who currently skipped most classes and barely ever studied. Yes she may seem to be behind, studying and attending class generally being required to succeed, but Sera still took her tests and she never got below an A, she succeeded easily without putting in much effort at all. That was the kind of woman she was, how blessed she happened to be mentally, and it was something nobody really knew. They were no longer kids, scores weren’t posted anywhere and teachers didn’t make examples out of anyone for being above the rest, at least not normally, and since nobody ever saw her they simply assumed she had given up when it fact it was quite the opposite, Sera had a plan.

That plan was simple, at least for her. She had plans to graduate St. Marriott’s with honors, take a year off if she wanted to, that was something she hadn’t decided yet, she still had plenty to consider. Then she would enter medical school and eventually arrive at her dream of being a doctor. That was her plan and while there were some bumps to be smoothed out the general direction was not going to change, not with her grades and the fact that she aced the MCAT’s. It just wasn’t going to happen. However there were things she needed to work out, things that were out of the scope of problems that could be solved by thinking. One of those things was Heidi, she was a constant thought on Sera’s mind. Heidi had been what Sera considered the love of her life and while Sera had changed she was not able to acknowledge that fact and thus unable to understand why Heidi left her, how it was her fault and not her ex-lovers. So she had made plans to reverse Heidi’s decision, plans that were currently being carried out, which brought Tamera into it. Yet instead of being a simple solution she was quickly becoming yet another problem, not because she posed some direct threat but because she was becoming important and needed part in Sera’s life quickly. Sera was in the first stages of attraction towards Tamera and while it wasn’t enough for Sera to know any better the truth was she was already in deep.

Yet that was going to be one of those things that snuck up and bit her in the ass, she would be able to see the little things, foretell how to tease and play with Tamera, figure out what she liked and disliked, be able to enjoy her time with her, even how to use her for the plan she had originally approached her for. Yet when it came to what she was beginning to feel, how much she was starting to like Tamera even after a mere night, how cute she was and her adorable personality, that was going to be a surprise she never saw coming. Not that it was a bad thing, it kept Sera from getting nervous, from clinging on to tight or panicking with the feeling that her plan may not always be the reason she wanted Tamera around. Not realizing all of this let her enjoy it and remain steadfast, to not run or become cold, to play and pleasure, and to indulge herself in all the little things she needed so badly.

As difficult as it was for Sera to realize her desires and feelings she easily noticed Tamera’s, a smirk on her face as the woman began to enjoy what was being given to her, sinking into the pleasure. Yet as much as it was obvious she wanted more Sera did not give her more, she was waiting, doing her best to control her own urges to dig in and making sure Tamera got the picture. The picture that she would be toyed with until she decided to beg or demand more. In some ways it was a risky plan because Tamera was a strong woman with obvious pride and who could just as likely get angry before taking one of the two doors Sera was presenting. However it was a worthwhile risk and Sera did her best to have it be as subtle as possible, doing just enough to get the meaning across but not enough to make it really feel like Tamera was being manipulated into doing what Sera wanted. That was key, Tamera needed to feel like she wasn’t being forced to give in, to say what she wanted, it needed to feel natural and be something Sera could grin and take advantage of in the future. It wasn’t normal really but that was what Sera wanted, to be in control from a mental angle, controlling the happenings but not physically forcing anything, not going back to anything near what had happened on the couch that morning. She preferred the night before, seduction, having Tamera initiate the kiss, it had been perfect, that was how she wanted it to remain and while that didn’t rule out her taking what she wanted occasionally it did make her more inclined to pursue other methods.

It took some control however, to stop herself from going for the quick finish, from getting those lovely moans she liked so much. She had to keep herself calm and be sure Tamera didn’t realize she was doing it on purpose. Yet it was worth it, with the first little whine from Tamera’s soft lips it all became worthwhile, Sera’s body shivering with delight at the sound of frustration. Then it spiraled, before long Tamera was making her frustrations clear, being so adorable by calling Sera a fucker, pointing out her desire to be taken care of, and finally as a finale she forced Sera’s head between her legs and verbalized her utmost desire, for Sera to fuck her. Those words, those actions, they caused Sera to be hit with such a wave of delight that she had to stop herself from giggling, had to hold back from just purring and giving herself away. To keep herself focused she delved into her work, Tamera’s hand on her head being enough to have her let go completely, something she herself had been looking forward to just as much as Tamera. Her mouth no longer attempted to move away and kiss or lick less pleasuring locations, instead they locked around that cute little nub of nerves and began suckling and circling it with her tongue, teeth gently pulling and grinding over it at times. Her fingers visited the wet how below for one a moment, sliding deep inside and stirring her up before sliding right back out, moving down, to that perfect ass, moving Tamera in a way that gave her better access to what Sera had truly wanted.

It was all intoxicating, every sense was full of Tamera and Sera was quickly picking up her game, most likely enough to catch Tamera by surprise, her movement from slow and teasing to quick and focused instantaneous. Her fingers only toyed with the back hole for a moment, prodding as one slipped in ever so slightly before pulling out. Sera was just testing the waters so to speak, seeing if Tamera was relaxed enough and wanted it enough for her finger to have an easy time getting in. It was really rather pointless, she had caused Tamera to be plenty horny with her previous teasing and she knew from the night before that the perfect ass Tamera was blessed with also happened to be a very sensitive and welcoming hole. So it didn’t take long for Sera to ready herself, not long before she slid her finger down to the knuckle, keeping it there for a while as her mouth continued to work the clit, which she was showing no mercy, not even a second of rest. Her finger only began moving after a few moments and then it was slow, slow but long thrusts, the finger moving nearly out of Tamera’s tight little ass before being pushed right back in.

Tamera was incredibly sexy, her natural beauty something special by all accounts but something else making her very appealing. Her inexperience. Sera found every little detail about her lack of experience to be simply amazing, how tight she was, how sensitive Tamera happened to be, the lack of tolerance built up to anything, from the actual pleasures to the teasing and bedroom talk. It made her an extremely fun partner for Sera and someone who was easy to enjoy in every conceivable way. Sera liked that, sure she felt a bit guilty about devouring such a delicate flower but not nearly guilty enough to stop her from taking a prize for herself that so many would fight for a covet. She knew she would have her work cut out for her with Tamera, she was fucking gorgeous an while her personality could be a bit rough it was also sexy in a way, a fact that hadn’t really dawned on Sera until she saw her as more than a bully. She was going to fight if need be to keep her new partner, any women who so much as looked at her wrong would be eliminated from Sera’s path, and while she knew Tamera’s preferences she had already decided to make any guys sorry they looked as well. She had begun doing the same for Heidi near the end, after she received the magic, kept people away from her if they looked like they wanted more than innocent friendship, and sometimes even then. Sera was possessive with the things she desired and while Tamera was not quite near the level Heidi was she still had a place in Sera’s mind that was growing quickly, and she would protect what was hers.

However her possessiveness took a back seat to her desire to hear Tamera’s voice, it was the type of emotion that only came out when deemed necessary. For the moment the only thing that was necessary was giving Tamera what she had been so adorable as to demand, to force Sera’s head down just to obtain, pleasure. So her finger began moving faster, exploring the inner walls of Tamera’s plump rear and searching once more for that spot that would have her moaning and squirming with utmost ecstasy. At the same time she began playing a bit rougher with Tamera’s clit, her tongue flicking the sensitive bundle as she suckled and her teeth pulled and nibbled. Her other hand was still wrapped around one of Tamera’s legs, keeping her in the perfect angle to be taken advantage of and it was gripping the smooth flesh, Sera’s entire body focused on getting what it wanted, which just happened to coincide with what Tamera desired. She would have Tamera crying out and she wasn’t going to come up for air until she had succeeded.

Tami let out a pure and unabashed cry as Sera sunk down on her clit, that was enough to have her listing through herself, enough to make her have to bite down hard on herself, make herself acclimate and adapt before she went and embarrassed herself by leaping up the hill and straight to its peak without the journey between… she wanted that journey, every little inclined step Sera’s undeniable skill could cause but it was a hard fought sort of experience for multiple reasons.

It was hard for Tamera to leave anything in the hands of another, it was hard for her to trust, it wasn’t exactly that she didn’t think people were capable – more she worried they would only provide enough, enough was never exciting, in most cases, just enough had a real penchant for being enough to disappoint. –not to mention, a life as convoluted, with as much potential for ugliness – as hers tended to be, trust wasn’t necessarily a good inclination to gravitate toward… if not for Sera tearing the truth out of her she never would have volunteered any of this, let alone found herself squirming beneath her.

Sera entered her pussy and she couldn’t help but release a ragged breath with enough pitch to make it clear it had been felt, with that, well received. She rolled her hips slightly, the marble beneath her bum squeaking with each motion – though soon it stopped and a whine replaced it “Seraaa!” she chided, thinking the tease was starting over, what followed told her a very different story. Tamera took in a deep breath and swallowed hard, biting her lip, eyes shutting tight as she felt pressure against her tight little most sensitive of holes, the one that still had a little pinch from the day before, the very same she’d allow another pinch within. When Sera entered her she was a degree more accommodating than she had be their first time, she didn’t even choke or grunt like a wild beast… she more gasped and let her head crane back with her arched spine, chest puffing out, pulling the skin on her ribs taught, making her breasts look larger than ever – perfectly exaggerated by the position she was in as her toes curled tight against the pads of her feet.

Tamera prided herself in always being in control, even though that was rarely the case, even though it was all a train off the rails at risk of either grinding to an anti-climactic halt or blasting through the side of a suburb in a fiery ball of untimely death she always proceeded with the guise of complete control either inside or out… once Sera penetrated her… there all control was lost. She didn’t clamp down on the finger, her ass eagerly invited it with warm embrace like a missed friend – her expression far less innocent than any such simile. As the speed picked up so too did her admissions, a few low grunts coming as Sera found that spot of hers, massaged the space between her two sensitive areas Sera knew so perfectly how to take advantage of. “Hnnngh… ooah… hhmmph! S-Ser… Auugh!” The hand on Sera’s head tugged her hair gently, the other on her shoulder not so kind as her fingers dug in deep, deep enough to leave impressions of her nails in five irritated dots of red skin, dragging with enough pressure to swell, to leave marks of her passion on that perfect cream and coffee skin.

The grunts could only exist at any one time, her insides would spasm once before a greedy gulp of air and several to follow. She’d do her very best to keep herself from reaching the edge, she didn’t want it to stop! She wanted the pulses of pleasure that rattled her to the core to continue, the heat they rippled through her with to grow and grow. It was different than the night before, just as intense but some how… manageable, at least, manageable enough she could stop from tearing in half.

“S-Ser… S’aaair… I-I wah…” she sucked in a few hard breaths before, “Ah… I want you to… oooahmph… put ano-thuurhurhur… mmmhng! –ff-f-… another fih-hing… Ffwaah… I want more ih-nuh…” she couldn’t get it out between the ecstasy and the embarrassment but she could only reason, if one finger felt this good… another would surely turn her brain to the exact state of mindless garbage from the day before. She’d wanted intimacy, the lie through her into smut – now she was prepare to roll in it.

Another defining fact of Tamera, once she found something she liked in a lie, she was quick to throw her whole self right into rolling through it. It was part of what made her so desperately crave her popularity, she’d never needed or wanted to put someone down to feel good about herself, she never really liked putting people down to feel good about herself… but that was just it – it did make her feel good about herself! –in the moment at least. It was easy to ignore all the little things that bugged Tamera about Tamera to the things Tamera genuinely hated about Tamera when she was bending the things other girls hated about themselves to the point they broke, when she was brow beating them with their insecurities, when she was kicking the injured and spitting insults while she was at it… She didn’t like the idea of lessening her emotions around all this – maybe it was just because she’d only ever felt them once before but they were so intense!

She couldn’t ignore any of it.

… she couldn’t ignore any of it, so the benefit was jumping into the lie – the piece she enjoyed, the feeling of being fucked mindless… ignoring the hard part, the part where she didn’t get to enjoy the intimacy of what it had felt like with Heidi her first time. “S’air – put ah… another fi-hinggg… another in me, my ass –“ Her legs spreading as much farther as they could go beyond where Sera had situated them. “C’mooon, before I-hii… hnnngfff… C-c… now!”

Sera loved the sound of someone succumbing to her, whatever the reason and in whatever form. It was just something that made her shiver in delight. At times that meant they were whimpering and begging her to stop, that had been something more recent than anything, and there had been cases where certain people would grudgingly admit that she was smarter or had outwitted them and that she was superior. However the most satisfying form of succumbing was happening in that very moment, right in front of her from none other than Tamera, her voice barely able to convey not only how amazing it felt but also how much more she wanted. It was a particularly satisfying event considering who it was. Tamera had always been a rather large thorn in Sera’s side and had started from the moment they met. There must have been an aura that surrounded people like herself, people that had been bullied, because Tamera latched on immediately, as if seeing that she was an easy target. It was probably her appearance. Yes, that would make sense, she had never been skilled at making herself look beautiful or stylish, though now that was a different story, now Sera looked stunning. Regardless it had started early, Tamera had begun bullying her and hadn’t stopped, especially when she became close to Heidi. It had been every day, every time they go within sight of one another. Tamera would do anything to make it clear that Sera was beneath her, beneath everyone else at St. Marriott’s, a freak and a loser. For so long she had believed that, taken it as fact just like she had done for years with countless other bullies.

Of course no matter how she took it Tamera’s insults hit her a bit harder, made her feel more worthless than ever because she really had a refined ability to put others down. So now, now that Tamera was hers and begging for more, submitting to the pleasure it felt magnificent. Sera was so incredibly excited to be in that position and while she had moved past her initial reasons for approaching Tamera of all women, finding herself actually liking the woman, she still had a large desire to completely tame the woman who had put her through so much shit. It wouldn’t go away easily, there would always be that part in her that remembered what Tamera had done to her, but hatred had flown out the window rather quickly and turned into something more sexual, a need to hear her cry out, to have her become the very thing she had always tormented Sera for being. So far her plan was working brilliantly, the first night together had been a success, she had used her magic to influence Tamera’s decision, or more specifically make it impossible for her to push Sera out of mind, but that hadn’t been enough. No, Sera had wanted her to ask, beg, and whine for exactly what it was that she wanted. To have Tamera openly say the words and succumb to her deepest darkest desires. That was what she truly wanted, and on all accounts it was what she was getting from the sexy woman and she was going to deliver, to addict Tamera to the pleasures she had been denying herself for so long.

In the spirit of that she wasn’t going to hold back a damn thing, if Tamera asked for it she was going to get it and there would be no time for her to collect her thoughts or calm down, Sera was going to force her to that pleasant peak. So when Tamera mentioned two fingers, begged for another finger, Sera didn’t hesitate. A small smirk appeared on her face as her current finger pulled all the way out only to come back with another slender digit, both prodding the incredible rear hole. Then, without too much teasing, though Sera wanted to do much more, they both pushed their way inside, the tight hole gripping down on her fingers as she pushed them nice and deep, wiggling them around and pressing up against the spot she had previously found which seemed to do the trick. Her mouth stopped what it was doing for a moment, her head looking up at that pleasure riddled face and licking her lips, “God you are one sexy little sight… Now come on lovely don’t hold back, cum for me.” As she said that her fingers began moving a bit more quickly, really going at it and hoping she could take it, knowing Tamera’s ass was not exactly experienced with any of this. Her mouth went back to what it had been doing, moving down and having those skilled lips of hers wrap around the sensitive clit beneath them, tongue and teeth making sure there was no moment where pleasure wasn’t shooting through Tamera’s body.

Sera continued in that manner, her fingers plunging into her tight little ass and mouth working that bundle of nerves. It didn’t take too long with her going at it full force and with two fingers for Tamera’s body to react, she was a preciously inexperienced little thing and the amount of stimulus seemed to be overwhelming her, just the way Sera wanted it to. She had to admit it was nice being with someone not use to the treatment, the pleasure, it made her job a hell of a lot more fun. Not only that but it allowed her to seem much more impressive than she probably was, something she would have to work on keeping that way. Not that Sera was unskilled but her sexual knowledge was almost completely based on the relationship she had with Heidi and besides the basics she didn’t know much else. That meant that for their future meetings she would have to do some research and try to play it off like she knew it all along. Of course Sera could just be honest, let Tamera see that she wasn’t quite as experienced as she seemed. Of course she had enough confidence that she would be fine that she wasn’t going to mention a damn thing but she knew there would need to be some sort of preparations.

For the moment however she didn’t care about the next time they got together, only the present. As she finished pleasuring Tamera, continuing her assault until the eventual peak winded back down. When that finally happened, and she was sure Tamera had been properly taken care up she arose from her position, fingers pulling out and body sitting into an upright position. From there she couldn’t help but sit back against the wall next to Tamera and pull her from the corner into her lap. She laid the girl’s head on her shoulder and gently held her close. “Now, I’m not going to ask you whether you enjoyed that, we both know the answer. I’m just going to ask you a different question, one I don’t expect an answer to. How have you gone so long without giving in to those desires we both know you have? I’m really quite impressed really…” She took a long pause and then finally lifted Tamera’s head and gave her a long slow kiss, tongue playfully slipping inside her mouth but overall it was sweet and gentle, nothing quite as intense as it had been moments ago. When she pulled back she had a big grin on her face, “Not that it matters now, you’re mine now and we’re going to make sure you don’t have to ignore any of those wants.” And chuckled, leaning over and nipping Tamera’s neck before whispering in her ear, “And love, this is only the beginning, it’s only going to get better from here.” She nipped Tamera’s ear before leaning her head back against the wall. In a moment she would get up and begin actually getting clean but for the moment, for the moment she wanted to sit there and keep Tamera close, enjoy the feeling of her new lover’s body pressed up against hers, and of course get a nice handful off ass in the process, something her hands had done while she had been talking.

Tamera was losing it, she felt like a raving lunatic – entirely out of control and making no effort to take any of it back. If not for Sera holding her leg in place she felt like she’d thrash, without the wall behind her surely she’d fall, if not for the ground beneath her and the ceiling above, the limitations they suggested – surely she’d float off, listing head over heels through infinite space, rolling expanses of pleasure that felt larger than life! She’d already been on the edge of what she knew to be the strongest preamble to the best sort of orgasm she could fathom, when the second finger entered her tight hole however a new definition was presented, it was like she’d restarted the process – a new hill to climb with the fruits of the first compounded below it, she’d gasped like never before – a long egregious sort of sound that scraped her lungs and throat causing her whole body to jolt back, a dull wet thud where her shoulders and head clapped against the wall, she didn’t even stop to groan at the searing pain that rippled along stinging skin, she didn’t care, the pleasure made it so.

She’d never reduced herself to such low standards for anyone, certainly not someone she’d done everything she could to make small in every situation that it suited her convenience. Tamera didn’t feel guilty for how terribly she’d acted toward her in the moment, she didn’t feel like acting terribly toward her in the moment either – oh no – all she felt was a broad and demanding spectrum of submission to Sera, to her tongue, teeth and two fingers working her over. Tamera’s breaths grew only deeper, grunts and groans like an animal in need of euthanizing, this was a certain brand of weakness and misery she’d never want to be put out of however. The fingers spreading her hole felt impossibly large, it stung enough she couldn’t easily pull her mind away from that and focus only on the engrossing pleasure that rivalled easily. When Sera found her spot, that collection, the weave of muscle and nerves that wrapped her finger’s tips she let out a whimper so hard and loud it sounded more of a collection of sobs then froze.

All the air was constricted from her lungs, several attempts at breath yielding nothing but pitched heaves, nails once again digging into Sera’s flesh to keep her grounded as the first wave of release came. She didn’t speak, she didn’t cry, she didn’t grunt and moan like an animal, while her mouth was spread wide and her eyes shut tight like a scream could escape she remained silent – all forms of communication no matter how base and blunt were stolen from her as the first convulsion came, one that rattled her entire body from the core out, one of her shoulders shot forward from the wall her ass hugging Sera’s digits in a strangling embrace before going lax, “Sh-Sh-Sh-Aaaaugh-raa-ha-haa!” She finally cried out on a breathless push, like it could have been a blood curdling sort of volume but it was rather a whisper that made her stomach raise and drop with every pleasure cripple syllable. The convulsion of her shoulder found her hips, her knees, her jaw, every bone in her body was lost to the throes of orgasm – it felt like her spine in her back was playing leap frog with her lungs, felt like her feet’s bones were reorganizing to allow her toes to splay a little wider then curl a little tighter, she shook so hard her heels, ass cheeks and shoulder blades could be heard vibrating against marble – and of course, Sera continuing only increased the tumult of it all, the tenacity of the self-imposed bondage the release was oppressing her beneath. Lust gushed forth from her sex finding Sera’s fingers and the back of her hand – even her chin, it was impossible to hold back the flow, almost impossible to breath but she did involuntarily, almost impossible to bring her eyes back from the back of her head, to close her jaw locked in full spread, to do anything but finally slump down in a heap at Sera’s discretion, still shaking as the woman pulled her into a loving embrace.

Each of her following breaths quavered with little coos of vulnerable weakness, Sera had completely ravaged her, something inside her brain had snapped and turned her into nothing but her most base desire, that secrete insecurity Sera was only stroking further with her words, Tamera didn’t much have the capacity to defend in the moment.

You’re mine, a betraying shiver of delight, none the rest seemed to matter – she couldn’t possibly imagine it getting any better than it had been just now and she didn’t much care about how she’d ignored desires she didn’t even know she had, she was Sera’s that was the one truth that mattered as she stopped trying to put herself back together, let herself just be… be Sera’s – her little rag doll Tamera, fucked silly, submitted down to utter pacification, disarmed and disassembled, hers and only hers to do whatever she pleased – not wanting it any other way.

A few minutes passed and her breathing began to become regular, her legs had stopped shaking and her body only succumbing to the odd jolt, aftershock of a life changing orgasm – before Sera could speak again or move them toward actually getting clean Tamera spoke prematurely, like she thought the moment could end if she didn’t express her way, how she needed it right now, “Just hold me… you don’t need to say anything.” Her body shifting slightly to eliminate what voids remained between them from her previously gnarled posture, repeating in almost complete silence “Just hold me, a little longer.” What she’d wanted all along, the intimacy – the sex had been wonderful, the intimacy… divine intervention.

The inability to control their urges had been the major downfall of Kat’s parents. They had been complete failures, alcohol and drugs ruining every job and effort for a better life they had ever tried. The substances they abused in turn abused them and set them up to accomplish absolutely nothing. These failures of theirs, compounding over many years, had turned them into bitter and angry people, the kind of people who blamed everyone but themselves for every problem in their lives. They would steal and cheat and at times even harm other people to get what they wanted, they would do just about anything for their next fix or enough alcohol to forget the man problems they had as people of little worth. So when Kat was born, when those two useless people ended up having a little girl, it all became her fault. Kat couldn’t remember a time where she wasn’t the one to blame for their misfortune. The previous excuses that other people were to blame all fell on her shoulders. Whenever they didn’t have enough money, whenever a plan didn’t go the way they wanted it to, and sometimes just because they felt like shit, it was Kat’s fault. She was blamed for it all, her very existence being the bane of their lives and she had always thought they were telling the truth. A child could not differentiate between truth and bullshit, especially not when it was the people who were supposed to love her saying it. So she thought she was worthless, that she had ruined her life, and when the abuse came she felt she deserved it. They had twisted the beautiful little girl into someone with nearly no self-confidence and no understanding of whose fault it really was, how worthless the people who had brought her into the world were. To her it was cut and dry, she was the reason, a blight on their lives, and every little bit of compassion, every little random word of kindness had her feeling like her parents were kind and loving.

That attitude didn’t last forever though, as much as her parents would have loved having a permanent source to blame for their self-loathing and failure. No, she eventually found a mind of her own and before long she knew who was truly to blame. That only made things worse for her however as her realization made them angry, the abuse escalating and at times she could only cry and lock herself in her room and wait for them to pass out. That was why she escaped and against all odds Kat became the person she was today, a kind person, someone who abstained from drugs and alcohol, a person who could smile and enjoy life. None of that should have described her, it made no sense when one knew her story, but that was who she was and it seemed nothing could change that. Though that didn’t mean she was over what had happened to her, Kat was sensitive to quite a few things and one of them was losing control of herself, letting an urge get the better of her. She absolutely struggled against any urge that felt out of place or excessive, tried to manage it and keep it bottled inside. So when her body began aching and her mind began leading her towards jumping Heidi’s bones, she did her best to keep herself calm.

It hadn’t taken long for her mind to become filled with thoughts of Heidi, she was very cute and the atmosphere was wonderful, the privacy and beauty of their surroundings on serving to further her desires. So while she tried desperately to keep control it was no use, before long she was a mess and her mind could think of but one thing, assaulting the cutie across from her. It had become more obvious as they ate, at first she felt fine, she was attracted to Heidi but that was it, she had control. Yet the more she enjoyed the meal, the more she got to sit there and stare at Heidi, the less she could control herself. It had gone to a point of Kat squeezing her legs together and nibbling on her lip constantly, looking like she had to use the bathroom but really wanting nothing more than to bed the sexy woman who kept looking right back every time she peeked over. Even the conversation had stopped, where had once been light words between two people enjoying each other’s company now was a tension filled silence.

So when Kat finally made her move it couldn’t have been much of a surprise, the tall athletic woman pouncing over the picnic and pinning Heidi down with ease, though she was as gentle as was possible in her current state of mind. She didn’t speak or smile or even laugh, there was nothing to explain her actions and she wasn’t going to make excuses. What she was about to do… She didn’t even know why, just that she felt unable to not do it. Her body was betraying her and while after the fact it would no doubt crush her to think about what she had done she couldn’t bring herself to think about it much less care in that moment. So she reached down, stroking Heidi’s cheek, and kissed her, not a loving or sweet kiss but a kiss of pure desire and lust. She was hungry for the body of the woman beneath her and her hands wouldn’t wait. They immediately went down and removed her everything from the top of Heidi’s body. She started with the sweater, then the belt around her waist and soon enough the dress as well. She tossed each piece back at the basket, making sure not to let them hit the ground. Despite all the sweetness that had been shown to her, the effort Heidi had put in and Kat’s own effort not to make this something sexual it was not to be. Her hand slipped under the bra Heidi was wearing, not quite taking it off yet but feeling the sexy breasts as her other hand went and rested on Heidi’s thigh up underneath the tantalizing skirt. She leaned back and licked her lips, a slight growl escaping her lips as her desire sought a way to vocalize as she refused to use words.

Kat leaned in again and nipped at Heidi’s neck, licking her neck in a long sensual movement. Her left hand squeezed down around the lovely breast, capturing the nipple between two fingers and giving it a nice little tug beneath the bra as her right hand gripped her thigh a little tighter. Part of her was stuck there, not backing down because she still wanted to ravage Heidi but she wasn’t sure of exactly what she wanted to do first. That was until her eyes traveled down and gave her the sight of beauty that was the smooth silky skin. She moved down, kissing down her neck and shoulder and then past her breasts and to that stomach that had her mouth-watering. Then she looked up, a look of playfulness managing to touch her features as she went a bit further and nipped Heidi’s inner thigh through the stockings that had teased her so, hiding the legs beneath and yet being just as appealing at the same time, maybe a bit more sexually stirring in a way. Yet as much as she was beginning to go after Heidi it had been something she had so adamantly refused before, something she wanted but knew she shouldn’t have. Yet there she was, unable to restrain herself and nipping the other thigh, part of her wanting to apologize, ask Heidi to forgive her for taking it so far, but she didn’t and instead when her mouth finally opened it was something much less in-character for her, it was something she would never say under normal circumstances and yet it was all that she could say, she wanted it too badly and had gone too far already to suddenly back down and while it wasn’t as bad as the excuses she had always been given. “You dressed far too sexy and brought me to such a secluded spot… I can’t hold myself back.” She nipped the inner thigh again and gave a small growl, her eyes looking at Heidi and waiting for her to react, whether she wanted such a thing with Kat or whether this would all be too much for the adorable thing.

The scene was growing rather dubious as time went on, Heidi didn’t eat much – not just at the picnic – in general she didn’t eat much. It wasn’t that she took a constant effort in starving herself or anything just her meds quelled appetite and what they didn’t do she did to herself through such scatterbrained insanity that had her frittering about the landscape of St. Marriott’s doing this that and everything else in between. Manic as she could be, food didn’t really fit into the equation till she felt too sick or weak to really continue otherwise – like her pills and like Kat – food was a last ditch effort to stay vertical, pills the last ditch effort to stay manageable, Kat the last ditch effort to keep Sera from… from falling any further from the woman she loved, the woman she used to be. She’d barely taken three bites from a tuna salad sandwich and a few sips of water before she began to believe the imbued water was taking its effect on Kat.

Right?

She couldn’t imagine it being anything else, the way Kat’s nibbles were slowing, her eyes narrow and thighs pressed together, lust was practically dripping from her! It was becoming unnerving. While this was all her intention, hers by design, she felt like a doe in the headlights, felt like a rabbit staring down a buckshot loaded barrel and a blood hound with foaming mouth… no, maybe just the bloodhound… she felt like all these, and yet she didn’t move – she was frozen by a fear she’d brought on. Maybe the potion was just a little too strong? –or maybe Kat was the one too strong… after all, she looked ready to pounce, ready to smother her with her love, she didn’t even feel empty it was amplified and maybe only through the inception that was her spellbinding – it would come afterword surely.

Just the way she sat there… looking so… looking like she desired nothing more than her in this entire world – air included – it made Heidi throb for her just the same but it didn’t quite find her face just yet, still, the deer in the headlights, the rabbit fearing frothing maw, the girl sure she was about to be eaten alive in the most devious of ways – many most devious ways. She thought the potion was supposed to make Kat like her! –sure, some likes could mean this, but… but not like this. Then the air snapped and Kat with it “Hnng! –Kat!” she cried from under her – strained and spread, pinned down with ease, weak as she was there’d be no fighting against it – only instinct made her struggle though – not her true desires and they were most certainly consensual.

“Kat, Kat, Kat wh-what are you d-mmmngh!” before she could really ask much of anything, let alone her intentions, the predator crashed into her, a little further but the final 10 over 90 that had their lips melding pliably together through huffs of ecstasy and whimpers. It had been so long since she felt this way, even longer since there was somebody there to do something about it, to cause it no less. The flushed skin of her face burning and tingling, she could only gasp between tugs and grunts as her so meticulously picked out attire, each and every little piece of the guise to incite and placate was ripped away and tossed with care she did not note. The imbued water was in fact, far stronger than intended!

Heidi was struck with panic and it had certainly found her face, she didn’t know whether to try and claw her self out from under her or just… just go with it, succumb, submit, whatever. This was what she wanted wasn’t it? –faster than intended for sure but… well, she’d just wanted to be on Kat’s mind, a lot, she didn’t necessarily need to be under her in the process; especially not nude! Her canary bra, matching the ribbons in her hair – adjusted so Kat’s hand could slip beneath and find modest perky breasts – pinch impossibly sensitive nipples without even the slightest hesitation, it drove Heidi to writhe and squeak her mouth agape but no sound really leaving after the initial graining cry. It was impossibly overtaking how sensitive she was to it all, like she were the one on the drugs – so easily manipulated by Kat’s hot and heavy advance. It seemed to be coming from all directions, the hand on her thigh burning her up, the trail of her tongue up the sensitive skin on her neck making her squirm and her stomach shrink – the results of her nipple being tugged and pinched speaking for itself also of course. She just couldn’t deal!

“Eek! Kaaa-haaaat…” she chirped then warbled like the song bird she was, her neck stretching all directions as she turned her head away and closed her eyes tight, hands balling up into white knuckled fists. Words came, stinging just the same as the nips inside her thigh in the way they made her want so desperately. Kat was set aflame by the spell – she was set aflame by the results of it – by touch on skin like wine to the lips of mouth tired of drinking water all the time. All she could do was look up at her with a strange mix of emotion playing on her features, while she looked vulnerable and pathetic in ways, it was a pathetic sort of wanting – she was blushing, she was panting, she couldn’t beg with her mouth but she seemed to with body language far better anyhow.

No, she couldn’t force the words – but they were just on the tip of her tongue and while they weren’t released when her jaw tensed more evidence was divulged. Her front row of teeth passed her lower lip and clamped down upon the skin between them and her chin making her lips curl in one corner, one of her balled fists pressing into her cheek anxiously as her other hand found the hem of her skirt and bunched it up to the band – canary yellow panties with a little damp exhibit A just before Kat’s face.

Under normal circumstances Kat was a much more thoughtful and cautious person. She had always done her best not to do something on a whim that could be trouble after it was done, to not take the momentary desires over keeping herself afloat or building a future. Sure her being on top of Heidi didn’t spell immediate disaster or impact her directly, not in that moment. However every action had its consequences and with Heidi those consequences were yet to be flushed out. Kat wasn’t sure what would happen because of her momentary lapse of judgment, perhaps it would throw her off her game and she would fuck up her efforts up until that point. It could simply cause drama, an adorable Heidi expecting more when Kat did something so bold, despite her thoughts of keeping it all friendly. Whatever happened it was all on Kat at that point, she had acted and now she would live with the results of that action. Of course this would all be running through her head later, after the deed was done. Sure it would have been nice to stop herself mid action and rethink everything but with such a cutie in front of her she couldn’t control herself at all and it was only going further. Yes, one of her greatest fears was happening, Kat had lost control of herself to the point of not being able to stop even though she knew full well that this wasn’t going to end well. It was that craving, that desire that made a person think of only the current pleasure and damn the effects it had on their lives. She had seen it with her family, a few others, and it never ended well. Sure the substance of choice wasn’t usually sex but that could be the most disastrous one of all, at least for Kat and her situation.

One thing was certain in that moment, Heidi was fucking adorable. Kat had though so since the moment they met but being on top of her, hearing that cute little voice and seeing the blush on her cheeks, it was too much. It was like a drug, intoxicating and maddening, brining all of Kat’s senses together to concentrate on the older girl beneath her and she bit her lower lip, unable to contain her excitement, an excitement that felt so damn heavy she didn’t know what was going on. Kat had never been so worked up in her life and the only explanation was that Heidi was just too irresistible. It made sense, she wasn’t just cute, she had this innocent prey kind of vibe, like a tasty little lamb just waiting for a sexy wolf to come gobble her up. “You know what I’m doing… We both know this isn’t hard to figure out… What’s going on right now… It was expected was it not?” Kat had become a bit teasing, her inner mind wondering what was wrong with her but her exterior putting some of the blame on Heidi. Hell it wasn’t too farfetched, she was dressed to impress, cute and tantalizing, they were in a private and beautiful spot, flirtations had been tossed about since their first meeting.

Kat needed a source of blame for her actions, more than her losing control, an outside factor, and she had found one, Heidi. She was thinking how Heidi wanted it, not just because of the reasons she had come up with already but because of the way she reacted as it progressed. She didn’t say no or attempt to stop what was happening, and instead she blushed and moaned. Heidi wanted it, or at least part of her did and that was enough for Kat, for her to stop trying so hard to keep herself from doing the only thing she had on her mind. It wasn’t long after she had let go that she was overwhelmed, her head was muddled with lust, her thoughts drowned out by the desires swelling through her. Kat was ready to get down to business, she was horny as fuck and hungry for a little cutie.

So when Kat got to those precious panties she only smirked, “Looks like you were expecting this… Wearing such cute underwear… And this…” She reached a finger forward and poked the wet spot waiting for her. “Naughty little minx aren’t you…” Those were not words she would usually use with someone like Heidi, she had spoken that way before but only with the girls who wanted it, her sex friends who had a pension for being teased and played with. It seemed her loss of control came with one other factor, it was releasing the inner sex fiend Kat generally kept behind a wall of nonchalance and mystery. “Tell me something sweetie, was the delicious meal and this wonderful little spot really all just to seduce me? I mean so much effort… You would think I was the older of the two of us, not the other way around…” She chuckled, “Then again I guess you just like em’ young don’t you sweet thing…” As the question, one she expected no answer to, hung in the air Kat began to pull the panties from what they were covering, revealing the wet little pussy laying in wait beneath. It was beautiful and for a moment Kat didn’t move, her eyes looking carefully at the prize that waited for her.

Kat licked her lips and bit her lower lip once more, she had been with quite a few women and Heidi’s was by far the cutest she had ever seen. In fact Heidi was probably the cutest girl she had ever had the chance to be with. Most of the time sexy and maybe a bit slutty was the type she got, cute was rare and Heidi took that to a new level with her outfits, personality, and body. Without any warning Kat went down, her tongue licking up Heidi’s inner right thigh, brushing over the smooth skin and making it to her sweet lips. She hadn’t removed the panties all the way, she liked Heidi still having them on for some reason and made her way to the wet lips, her hands going up and grasping Heidi’s waist to keep her in place as Kat’s experienced tongue got to work. At first she only lapped over the surface, going slow with elongated movements. Then it became a bit more intimate, her tongue delving in deep, circling the inner walls and just exploring for a moment. As she always thought when she gave a good woman oral Kat wished she had a tongue ring, a piercing she had always thought about getting but never actually did.

Kat had other ways to please though and after her exploration segment her tongue came back to the surface and switched targets, going upward to the clit and began to coax it into coming out to play, a small giggle escaping her lips as she saw how cute Heidi was acting. She didn’t want to say what she wanted apparently but that didn’t mean a damn thing when her desires were so damn obvious. She stopped her actions for a moment and reached up, taking Heidi’s balled first into her hand and giving it a small squeeze. “Hey cutie… Relax, I know what I’m doing, just enjoy this…” She leaned her head forward and took one of Heidi’s fingers into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it and giving it a light suckle before letting it pop out, a small line of saliva streaming from her mouth to the finger. She had a look of fire in her eyes and it was more than obvious that Kat was experienced at that point and from there on there would be no holding back, she was going to hit Heidi hard. So she dived back down, lips wrapping around the clit that deserved much more attention. At the same time a single of her slender digits slipped inside of Heidi and began moving about, searching for a spot to really get the girl whining and whimpering. She wanted noise and to break Heidi down, to have her vocalize it before the end, for some reason that was what she wanted, confirmation, perhaps to ease her conscious as she continued to think she had lost control for basically no reason. If Heidi vocalized it at least she could pin the blame on the girl for wanting it, asking for it…

Heidi looked up to Kat with wide eyes in complete and utter suspense, pale iris’s and pin-head pupils dancing a quiver over a backdrop of slightly bloodshot white. Her lips quivered just like her eyes with every shaky breath that rampaged through her body, making the thin pallid skin over her ribs pull tight and her stomach tug in then swell out, no one part of her was without movement but that movement didn’t move her specifically – she stayed in place, allowing Kat to do as she would – never so much as debating a new position… she did want this, maybe not like this specifically, but she wanted this with most the heart of hers she had under control – what of her heart belonged to her and not to a woman removed, wrapped around another. “Yes.” She huffed anxiously, of course she knew what she was doing, a nod to the second muse that followed – squirming with a tight sort of pout as she dragged it out so long and egregiously. It was hard enough not burning up beneath the binds of such a beautiful woman… sexy woman, but to be teased as such made it all the more damning. “N-no, I-“ she began to protest, it wasn’t expected… it was hoped for, a guilty sort of omission flicking the back of her mind as her face twisted “I want you to though.” She whispered in a relinquish she’d left claw marks all over – Heidi wasn’t good at admitting the things she really wanted always, especially when they were sexual in nature.

Her nipples were completely erect, two little nubs of flesh and nerves restrained by the soft cups of her bra but feeling more grinded than restrained, her clit was hammering and folds aflame with luscious want thighs rubbing together the second Kat’s head craned to look down on her – spreading again when she pulled the skirt up to reveal her lust. She couldn’t deny it, it almost felt like the drug had been slipped to her she was so passionately inclined toward Kat’s demanding whims. Another brow beating of seduction smacked her feigned innocence around – she could live on lies, just like her ex-best friend, her ex-lover – both of them, her lie was innocence, like she didn’t have the thoughts in her head, like she didn’t set this all up, like it wasn’t a plot on her part… so thick were her lies however, she played on another plane than Tamera and Sera – because Heidi, in the moment, there was no doubt or question to it. She was innocent and Kat was imposing false feelings into her, subconsciously, maybe how she tried to deny it through whines and whimpers was overcompensation for the guilt she denied registry. “Nooohoo,” she warbled shaking her head, “I always wea-Hnnngh!” her defense shattered as Kat poked the exhibit A, a shock of surprise and undeniable pleasure rattling her, back arching off the ground, eyes closing tight, stomach shrinking into a hard little ball inside her as her hips jerked from side to side, toes curling inside her stockings – and was that a bead of drool in the corner of her lips?

“I juh-huoomph…” she started to protest through a laboured breath, “-ah nice d-daay… nngh… nice date f’er…” She ground her teeth, eyes rolling around her top lids before closing tight, “A nice date so you’d like me!” it seemed she didn’t know how to be talked dirty to the way she protested it all so pathetic, so shamefully, if only her family knew, could see her like this. Heidi’s family was prudent and stiff – nobody talked about feelings, especially not sexual ones, even sleeping with another before proper courting was scandalous! –one could only imagine how scandalous the transgressions that were birthed from her sister and cousin’s hidden affair exploded, all resulting from it, it did not deflate to candid openness after either, if anything it only enforced just how wrong it was to partake in such things! Sex was to be silent, sex was giving in to carnal urges that should be hidden shamefully, sex was for behind closed doors and whispered proposals – as if it wasn’t taboo enough they were doing so outside in the world, secluded or not – being spoke to in such a way shut her down to a quivering mass of raw nerves, backed into a corner by those base urges Pryzbylewsky’s save Brooklyn did everything in their power to hide.

As the cool autumn air licked at her damp folds, the pink supple flesh and bald pale above it were hidden briefly by closed thighs once again before the panties were pinched between – she spread again once Kat seemed agreeable with their position. For all her detesting words her body’s language was far more honest, dubious at least. When Kat’s tongue met her soft sensitive skin she breathed in deep through her nose and held herself tight, arms wrapping around her torso, breath held before another peep could be made to bat away nurtured reserve nature didn’t instill.

Reserve only lasted so long as the pleasure of Kat’s tongue dividing her pussy became too much to handle silently. “Mmmngh! Ooohmph… K-kaaahat… ffff… feels good!” She whined, head craning back so just like her spine her neck created a second arch, fingers shaking about her petite frame, hips bucking here and there under Kat’s grip, fists balling once again, nails digging into her palms so hard she swore it was a matter of time before the small chips they’d found began to peel and crack further. When Kat took one of her hands from her, it opened and gripped the one around it with needy panic – like it would be the only thing to keep her from floating away as looked back up at her with a tight pout, nodding in understanding – as if it were easy for the cruelly piqued girl to just relax… she could try, back slowly sliding down to find the soft blanket beneath, hot, heavy and hasted breath slowing ever so slightly.

Her heart lurched forward and she gasped as Kat’s mouth took in her finger and sucked it so suggestively. There was nothing exactly sensitive about her fingers and the suggestion was one she didn’t entirely understand but found painfully arousing none the less. When Kat popped back and returned to the burning fire between her thighs all she could do was let the hand drop – placing it firm atop her stomach, the other bunching up the blanket beneath and holding on tight “Nngyuaah!” She’d cry as her clit was assaulted, back to bucking and writhing in pure ecstasy, she wouldn’t, no, she couldn’t relax – Kat was just too damn good for relaxation. Her body froze than shook as it was entered, the walls of her latent sex convulsing then clamping tight around the probing digit inside, it had been so long she felt like a virgin again – probably acted much like one also, the only difference was when she lost her virginity, when she was new to all this, she didn’t know what felt good, she didn’t know if what Tamera or Sera was doing to her was the right way or the best it could get… with Kat she knew, there was no hesitation or doubt in her lusting admissions, Kat was strumming all the right notes and all she could do was submit to it – willfully as her first, and arguably premature orgasm ravaged her both audibly and physically, insides clenching and convulsing with more intensity and a small gush of fluid washing over Kat’s digits.