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Caring for An Aging/Ailing Parent

Camille

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Joined
Jul 3, 2012
For the past six months, my siblings and I have noticed some drastic changes in our fathers ability to remember things, express complete thoughts/sentences, not being able to (or wanting to) dress himself or comb his hair, or brush his teeth,etc. In the last three months, he has gone downhill so quickly, losing his ability to control his bladder and bowels, falling frequently into the floor.

We took him to see a doctor last week, and they diagnosed him with dementia. My mother is trying to take care of him the best she can, but my brother and sister and I all know that physically (and probably emotionally) she is just not able to do it much longer. We try to pitch in when and where we can (and when she will allow us to help). It's a tough road that I know many people have been down. What makes our ordeal even more difficult the fact that, our father was not a good man most of his life. You might even say, he was an evil man.

Our father was a tyrant, a bully, and a child molester. He was not a good husband and he both physically and mentally abused our mom throughout their marriage. So now, here he is unable to do for himself, and the family that he tortured and abused for so many years is left holding the bag, trying to care for him the best we can. It's hard. It's damn hard. There is a part of me that just wants to throw him into a nursing home and say "to hell with you", just let someone else deal with him. But then there is this other part of me that gets sad and depressed, somewhere deep down has found compassion for him and wants to try to help him.
 
You've got my sympathy and admiration. While my parents and I aren't old enough to be at that stage, it's something I think about every time I consider moving out of state, or think about my Dad living alone. That you can show compassion towards him now, especially given what you've said about him as a father, sounds very remarkable. Hopefully your family can find some.....familyness(?) from coming together for this.
 
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