Stream of consciousness and perhaps even some insight...

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I'm very sorry that happened. That was a really insecure and bitchy thing to do. You know when you tell a friend about your favorite movie and then they watch it and they tear it apart? You feel defensive and you take it a little bit personal, even though it's not. It's just something you like and it doesn't define who you are. That's the only thing I can figure for her acting that way. Not trying to be a prejudicial dick but I feel like old people a lot of times have lower standards. My grandparents were always doing that shit and my exMIL family had a fav restaurant that they always got together at. I'm pretty sure that place used not only store bought pasta sauce but the kind that comes in a can(nothing against that but if I'm paying $8 a plate, you better make it better than I would at home, you know?). Anyway, they swear by these shitty places and the only thing I can figure is that they're old, their tastebuds have changed and their quality meter operates on a different scale.

I agree that what she said is fucking toxic but maybe some of those are the reasons she got defensive. It's one of those situations where you can't really win.

If there's been one thing that I've known when it comes to people like that - and this is just in my opinion anyway, so don't come running at me with pitchforks and torches and whatever so just listen to me carefully - is that you have to call them out on their own bullshit and make for damn sure that it sticks to them like fucking glue. Sure, they may hate you for the fact that you had to put them in their rightful place for being the outright douchebag that they were, but they'll eventually see that they were in the wrong in the first place for being that way.

Think about it especially from my perspective, especially with my brother's MIL. She's of the opinion that she was never born anywhere near Rhode Island, considering the fact that she has birth records openly stating that she was. She also claims that she's never done a thing wrong, yet she's got arrest records out the ass. (Not sure on that front, but keep sticking with me for a minute, I'm getting there.) She also claimed that she is also as pure as the driven snow, which even I find outright laughable.

There is not one person on this earth that hasn't done their dirt on more than one occasion. Now why did I bring this up, you wonder? Because that woman has done perhaps every single drug there is known to man, be it smoked, snorted, injected or absorbed orally or rectally. Therefore, she has absolutely no room to talk about how pure she is when she has more blemishes on her than the entire Super Bowl winning team of the New England Patriots.

Now here's where you and your MIL come in, DA. She is not in the right for saying any of the garbage that she's been spewing in your face for the length of time that she has and I believe it's coming to a time when you have to stand up to her and breathe some flames of your own. To hell with hurting her feelings, be damned the consequences it will undoubtedly result in and balderdash to who it might offend. You have to make a stand to her and tell her directly to her face that enough is fucking enough and then just waylay into her with everything that you have. Let her know what it felt like to have been the recipient of this amount of abuse and once you're done, you drop the mic in front of her and you walk the fuck away.

Or hey, you can just shoot her in the clit. Might make things simpler. I dunno.

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Oh, this is your actual mother doing this?

Well, guess what? The same thing applies. And you know what? Keep staying away from them. Disconnect yourself from them and forget about everything. And like I said, if it hurts their widdle feeeeewiiiiiiiiiiings, say "Can the crocodile tears act there, pal." Add in, "Where the Timmy Two-Tone fuck were you when" such-n-such went on and whatever. If it leads to an all out feud, well hey. Guess what. They were responsible for creating the rift. Remind them of this. They can only push you around for so long until you finally snap.

Other than that DA, here's the hug you so need.

*gives her a big, tight hug*

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Ahp! No! You don't let her stifle you. Ever.

And you know something, I do too. But you know something? I have talked to people that have the same condition as I do. Believe this or not, the common bond I share with them is far beyond that. Some of us have similar interests, some of us have different interests, some of them might be into the same music as me, some others might not. And so what if there are those of us that operate somewhere within the spectrum? I don't let that shit bother me because I have other things tinkering around in my head at the time that occasionally might fall out of place on occasion. Again. Do I let that bother me? Sometimes, it does. But I try my absolute hardest to not think about it too much, because then I get asked all the same fucking questions, like "Hey, is there something wrong? Do you need help?" and whatever, y'know? Annoys me to no end, but I always give the dismissal answer of, "No, I'm alright" and wave them off like it's no big deal.

Sometimes, it leads to some miscues. And yes, I've had to deal with a few backfires as well. Struggled like hell, but I managed to get through it. The main thing I'm getting at is that as long as I attempt to keep pushing that niggling... thing... into the back of my head and just pretend it's not there.

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darkangel76 said:

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I had to do that with my grandparents on my mother's side. Sometimes, you have to do right by you first and foremost. Every relationship needs a balance of "what you get out of it" and "what you provide the other person". If it is harmful to you to stay connected with someone, the incentive to keep "providing the other person with something" immediately leaves and your obligation to that part of it as well. You owe fucking nobody the ability to harm you. *hugs you* That is one of the hardest things I've had to learn since I left my ex, rebuilding myself, I ain't suffering NO fools in my life.

There are of course degrees of tolerance, certain harmful things are tolerable because you do still earn a lot from allowing them access to your time and emotions. But it sounds like this woman is really upsetting and has no regard for how her behavior affects you(even if she knows, it sounds like she doesn't give a shit). So, do what is healthy for you, first and foremost. Despite the drama and trouble that can often come from cutting someone out of your life, it is often short-lived compared to the repeated agony of being quiet and having to deal with their shit over and over again.

Besides, if she's gonna get pissy about it in real life, just tell her FB is an entertainment site for you. Real friends you keep in touch with in real life and on the phone; but on a website, its about what you're interested in and kind of your getaway, destress place. Or something like that. That's what I tell people irl if it's easier to just not tell them I'm done with their bullshit. Most of the time, I prefer to be direct with problem people, but often, when they don't have such easy access, they're not AS troublesome. Sometimes, you need to interact with people irl and there's personality clashes that you can't get rid of; it's not going to be fixed by talking it over with them. So, for those specific cases, it's easier to just tell them what they want to hear/what they'll accept, so you can moderate and control how much exposure you have to them.

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I'm not sure what he thinks a "label" like that would do to harm his son's life. Let's entertain his reasoning for a second, to kind of follow it to its logical conclusion: according to him, your son is "normal" and the school assessing him has the threat of mislabeling him as higher spectrum Autistic. Now, either the normal will show through sooner or later, or it'll be one of those labels that doesn't ever really affect his life except by helping him identify bigoted people(his son goes in for an interview for a job and they talk to him and get to know him but they see on his application that he has Autism and it is explained that he is higher functioning; either they're going to be assholes and assume there will be future problems, which, you don't want your son to work for reactionary butt nuggets like that anyway, or they're going to be like 'he acts normal and he says he's higher functioning; no big deal.'). It's not a death sentence especially if, through this assessment, he gets extra help in his classes, someone sitting with him, guiding him, validating him and teaching him tools on how to deal with this situation by situation, right? Everybdoy could use a little early guidance in understanding their emotions, what they're feeling, how to articulate it, how to deal with it; Hell, it took me 26 years to get my foot in that door and that was through trial and error and a bit of crisis with myself.

I can understand what Vic is saying as well but the thought processes are a bit irrational when considered with a "what happens as a result of this?" Because it could be extremely detrimental to your son's ability to function if he's thrown into an environment like that without any help. Maybe not. Maybe he could surprise us all and thrive from the challenge. Briefly, in middle school, I was shuffled into the special Ed program for my ADD. Best thing that ever happened to me and in high school, when it was no longer needed, I got back into regular classes without the crutch of that. Extra help, if it doesn't actually help... you can stop taking it, right?

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Just tell him the truth - You understand, he doesn't. If he can't accept the judgement of the person with the most experience and knowledge on the subject, then his own phobias have come in to roost something fierce.

You've got the right motivation, though. Keep guarding that kid, the special needs programs in this country are far from perfect. They'll give the kid resources they need, but they're a whole new basket of problems as well.

Above all, trust in knowledge. Your knowledge, from living it. That of doctors and other professionals, who can see things you lack the training for. And even that of your husband, who knows more about being a young male. Bringing all these lines of information together is a titanic task, but you can do it.

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Rawr~ Big scary mommy monster. I have one of those. Might be the best thing about my life.

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