Question for my fellow BMR fellows! (And potentially for ladies!)

Okay, so here's the deal. I'm having a chat with a ladyfriend of mine on Skype and she and I are discussing sex (as we are wont to do) and I mentioned to her how I just don't feel right mentally in order to really get going as it were. After some discussion, it occurred to me that, without getting into too much gory detail so to speak, I haven't regularly had release for a couple of weeks now. She, as a science aficionado and psychology graduate, is fairly well informed about certain things about the body, especially with regards to hormones, and remarked how as she understands it (and she reads a LOT, even academic stuff), testosterone levels tank without regular spikes (i.e. "engagement").

I described to her how I don't have the urgency for...interaction that I usually do which in a way is good because to be honest, at times I feel like a slave to it which I don't like, but at the same time, I just don't feel quite right during "shutdown" either. I feel sort of disconnected, not really as motivated, sort of bored and on autopilot; just generally feeling sort of off-kilter. The problem gets resolved for me, not with a single release, but once I get a little bit of regular release going again. She, as I described the symptoms, said that she gets exactly the same feelings at times right prior to her "time of the month" (different from PMS) and she HATES it and has a lot of sympathy.

So my question to the fellas of BMR is this: do any of you also get a sort of "testosterone shutdown" if you don't engage for a while? For the ladies, has any man in your life expressed similar feelings? Do you ever get similar feelings when your hormones tank during normal bodily cycles?

Bear in mind, I am NOT trying to say that this means women should have any sense of obligation to regularly get guys off. It is not okay to pressure anyone ever. This is just a source of curiosity for me and for this friend of mine, and we feel like it would be nice to have some corollary evidence and that, if we can sort of get the word out about this curiosity of the body, it might allow for more understanding between ladies and gents, which is always good.

Also, I'm sorry if this seems like a weird topic to anyone, but I was really trying to figure out where I could ask a fair sized sample of people about it without awkwardness, and BMR seemed like the best place. Thanks in advance for any answers!

Moving this to Academy.

Ah okay! Apologies for putting it in the wrong spot, I wrongfully assumed The Academy was more for RP-related stuff. ^^"

The opposite, actually - Getting too much action causes my interest to drop off.

Trygon said:

The opposite, actually - Getting too much action causes my interest to drop off.

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It does for me too, but that's within a certain window; basically, if I "shut off" for oh, say, 5-7 days, then it feels like my body realizes "Oh, maybe it's a dry spell" and eases off on the testosterone so that I'm less easily excitable. That's what I refer to.

Thanks for the response!

Men have their own cycles, just like women, so they have spikes and drops in their moods/hormones same as women do.

Something I would suggest is try to get yourself off every couple of days and see if that balances out your hormones.

Hahvoc The Decepticon said:

Men have their own cycles, just like women, so they have spikes and drops in their moods/hormones same as women do.

Something I would suggest is try to get yourself off every couple of days and see if that balances out your hormones.

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Yeah I'm learning that more and more.

Appreciate the advice man, but that's easier said than done for certain reasons. Still, thanks for the response!

If you are talking mentally getting in the mood and not physically, it might just be you are tired of what is getting you into the mood also. Change it up a little, find something different that spikes your interest.

But I also am taking that it has some to do physically also, and it can be you are just tired or a cycle or what other have said. If it is a more drastic change then normal though, it could be something has changed in you also. Mentally, physically something in your body is off balance. So that might be where you want to look to first, are there outside factors that have changed recently also.

http://men.webmd.com/features/low-testosterone-explained-how-do-you-know-when-levels-are-too-low

While this is generally for older men, there still has been very little research on the subject. It might be relevant.

Oh and I've never experienced a drop off in sexual desire. I'm not trying to sound macho at all. In fact, I've contemplated that I might have a problem - like sex addict problem - and have considered seeking help, but I don't masturbate abnormally and I have seriously vanilla tastes. I just have sexual thoughts extremely frequently, which I guess means that every stereotype about men ever... is correct.

Nennius said:

http://men.webmd.com/features/low-testosterone-explained-how-do-you-know-when-levels-are-too-low

While this is generally for older men, there still has been very little research on the subject. It might be relevant.

Oh and I've never experienced a drop off in sexual desire. I'm not trying to sound macho at all. In fact, I've contemplated that I might have a problem - like sex addict problem - and have considered seeking help, but I don't masturbate abnormally and I have seriously vanilla tastes. I just have sexual thoughts extremely frequently, which I guess means that every stereotype about men ever... is correct.

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It isn't just males I promise, females also or at least me. Physically everything is alright. Mentially it is always something about sex on the brain, sex in stories writing, sex in reading stories, sex in movies. Sometimes I annoy myself. :-S

I've noticed for the last three months similar things have occurred right around the middle of the month and gotten better, and this month was no exception. I personally am feeling much more my normal self now both physically and mentally. While it was never this severe (or it had at least been a long time since), cycles likely played a role.

My RP life is also MUCH more erratic these days though, which also likely played a role.

Both men and women experience these sort of "moods". The chemical balances and hormone levels might be a tad different, but in the end, we're all not too different from one another when it comes down to sexual desire. It's a natural thing for our bodies to crave release, and just as natural to shift into a lower gear of our sex drives.

Women might have menstruation to regulate their cycles, but men have similar "cycles" as well. Women are obviously most fertile when (to avoid the "gory details") they're finished their period and their body is all freshly prepped for reproduction. Around that time is when they are the most horny. As for males, I can't guarantee that their moods are as regulated, but it definitely happens.

This may or may not be helpful: about a dozen years ago I got into a deep rut due to job conditions, the situation around the house and stuff like that, and the upshot of it all was that I didn't get laid for almost a year. My wife finally got tired of waiting to get propositioned and hauled me off to a doctor. After myriad tests (they love them), I got a prescription and a pep-talk and I've been OK ever since. I don't suggest that this would work for you - but it might!

XXtraPrince said:

This may or may not be helpful: about a dozen years ago I got into a deep rut due to job conditions, the situation around the house and stuff like that, and the upshot of it all was that I didn't get laid for almost a year. My wife finally got tired of waiting to get propositioned and hauled me off to a doctor. After myriad tests (they love them), I got a prescription and a pep-talk and I've been OK ever since. I don't suggest that this would work for you - but it might!

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Ive been going threw almost the same thing. Long work nights during third shift, sleeping all day and not seeing my wife because she works while Im asleep therefore I haven't really had much time to "do the deed" as it were. When I do see her Im so tired I just don't want to and I feel like thats a problem. I recently took a week off work and now things are going great again so maybe there is something you need to take a break from to help fix your "problem"

I personally wouldn't recommend medication. If it's a hormonal thing or medication interfering with your sex drive, maybe. But if it's stress related, perhaps one should seek out other means of replenishing their sex drive. People are way over medicated and it feels like it's just masking an issue you otherwise should sort out on your own x.x

Hahaha, I totally didn't realize this thread had been bumped. But it's cool discussion! Personally, I haven't had any really severe hormone crashes since I posted this, though I've had some minor ones. It's not anything that bothers me enough that I feel a need to "fix it", it was just a curiosity I wanted to examine/discuss further. :3

Good stuff, ladies and gents!

Actually, there are a whole host of positive effects of routine orgasmic release... and it would be surprising if you DIDN'T suffer hormonal drop-offs in it's absence. The human body is designed to be an intricate, HIGHLY effective feedback monitoring and response system, and it does it's job well. One of the rules that governs not just sexual desire, but most bodily cravings, is that a decrease in satiation for the stimulus is met in the short term with a spike in desire for the stimulus, followed by a slow but steady decrease. The reason is simple. Every time your body sends you a signal of wanting something, whether it's your belly growling because you are hungry, or your penis getting erect because you are horny, it's an expenditure of energy. Essentially, your body is engaging in a little gamble: "I am going to expend this energy to try to get my need for (whatever it is) met". However, if the need continues to go unmet, your body decides that you are simply too dense to get the message... ramp up the request signal (in the examples above, the growling would increase, or your erection get more urgent). If it STILL goes unmet, however, your body decides that it's not going to waste the energy sending you signals that you aren't going to obey. That's why, after a while of not eating, the hunger reflex goes away, and it's also responsible for the phenomenon you described in the opening post: if you go for too long without sexual release, your overall desire level is likely to drop.