Memoirs of a Real Life Lover, Wife and Slave

[LadyYunaFFX2]

November 28, 2012

Dear Blue Moon Diary,

I suppose an introduction, slight or otherwise, is the best way to begin yes? Just call me Yuna for now; while yes it is a nickname I doubt anyone would expect me to give my real life name away even if only the first one. At any rate I am 26 years old, as my profile says and have been roleplaying since I met my master and spouse, whom was my 'teacher' and introduced me to it.

It began with DnD and then it expanded onto similar types of RPs that Blue Moon has, only on a more teenager-friendly site. I was 17 back then. Ah, how time flies.

I used to role play on sites, namely Gaia Online, but when too many others became boring and illiterate, I left. I found this site on Google search engine and ... at first was honestly astonished at how bold people could be with typing such descriptive scenes into forums. Normally, that's not allowed. Hell, you usually get banned.

After checking several role plays out and convincing myself I could join here and not get in trouble for finally being able to express myself, I signed up. I don't think I've been happier to have joined a forum since then. Even though I've been here a bit less than 4 weeks, it's been very fun for the most part.

Despite having been with my spouse for nearly 10 years together and wed only 2, he's never been fond of being more ... like a Master with me, for lack of better wording. But yesterday, he finally hinted he was ready to embrace that side of him. I won't say it didn't scare me .. but somehow, it pleased me in a way to know he was ready to be true to himself.

Hehe, sorry in advanced if this seems a bit unorganized. I'm merely writing what comes to my mind first.

Anyways, a specific item that at least was on the news that I have been paying heed to are the states that desire to secede. I don't think it's been ended now [the discussion] but if it has, my bad. Still, I feel this a good place to rant on things that get my curiosity. This was definitely one, for a variety of reasons.

For one, why did it take for Obama to get re-elected? One would have thought this would have happened when he first ran, yes? Or is it just me? Regardless, the timing seems ... ironic to me.

But what is definitely the most intriguing part on this situation .... is one would think after a nation like America had such a massive Civil War, that the people would have learned one thing. Seceding will bring no good should people be so adamant about it. Though it isn't emphasized heavily on, that was the true reason that the Civil War began, not overly slavery. And how did it turn out?

We became united --- or I suppose remained is the better word. That is another thing I've wondered too; we founded the saying, "United we stand, divided we fall" back during the Revolutionary War, when we were in the midst of fighting for our freedom. Have so many people truly forgotten that saying? It's a bit of a shame really ... at least I think.

With any luck, Obama will take up Clinton's advice. Our economy was damn good when he [Clinton] was President. I don't think the middle class has been strong at all since then, in fact. But a lot of people forget that pro side of him, often recalling his affair against Hillary. True, this was a big deal, but it certainly wasn't all that he was remembered for.

Funny how you grow older and realize all that you didn't understand hm? I definitely didn't comprehend just how well off we were with Clinton and now that I'm 17 years older, I see what I missed. Ironic huh?

And for now, those are the main things that have been going through my mind. For those who read up, enjoy.

Until next time,
LadyYunaFFX2

[LadyYunaFFX2]

Dear Blue Moon Diary,
So it has been since the 29th and I've been stuck in the hospital. What me and my master feared to be a dislocated shoulder turned out to be pneumonia instead. It's worse and better at the same time somehow. I've been given so many antibiotics through IVs and my right arm is filled with multiple bruises from all the times they drew blood. It looks more like Master beat me ... but I know he didn't. We've both been getting annoyed; the doctor didn't come in until about an hour ago when he was supposed to swing by during the afternoon. So for me, 2013 is going to begin with me stuck ... here.

I hope everyone has a better 2013 than what I am going to start off with.

Until next time,
LadyYunaFFX2

[LadyYunaFFX2]

Dear Blue Moon Diary,
Like a phoenix from the ashes, I am back. Cliche? Maybe but it's a damn good analogy as far as I'm concerned. However, I have returned .... with concerns, for lack of better wording.

I need to speak with my lover and Master regarding .... well us in general. I feel like we're getting distant. But the worst part ... is a lot of it is my selfish desires.

But I can't help it. It's who I am ... and I don't want to give them up. Alter maybe ... but just forget they exist? Never.

For those whom read my last posts in here, I finally got out of the ER on the 3rd of January. Gods was that a relief for me, needless to say and thankfully I haven't been majorly ill since that ... episode. Glad that's over.

With any luck, a few major but direly needed changes will come to me. Now more than ever, they're needed ... more than I wish to admit.

Until next time,
LadyYunaFFX2

[LadyYunaFFX2]

Dear Blue Moon Diary,
Work has been keeping me and Veinexes rather occupied but thankfully, I have a chance to write and log on more frequently.

I've been .... better though everything could always be worse, no doubt.

Needless to say, I feel like I've been shoved on one hell of a rollercoaster ride that while normally I'd enjoy, I can't say I do with this one. For instance, my parents are in the midst of moving to Oregon as my dad's found a better job. I have no qualms with the plan; however they got this done so fast and abruptly that I may very well have to miss seeing my daughter for her 7th birthday as they intend to do the move in June, the same month as her birthday.

I just feel like sometimes I never get a say in anything they do. Yes, my daughter is with them. I suppose I should backtrack just a tad, hm?

Me and Veinexes currently live in a homeless shelter; this I won't go into details as to how. Not exact ones anyways; too long and even more depressing. Long story short though, a bunch of moves of our own went horribly wrong and my parents have never liked Veinexes. Well, my mom hasn't; but when my dad sides too often with her, that's all it takes.

After a stupid-ass assumption the shelter made and threatening me and Vein with getting CPS on our ass, I had to make one of the most difficult and selfless decisions of my life. I told my mom what was in the midst of going on and she was as angered at the idea as me. Ergo, her and dad agreed to take care of my beloved girl until we get settled, especially financially.

SSI has been helping to some degrees with this goal ... but given the shelter made me spend such a huge amount recently, it just feels like we'll never get the hell out of here.

Excuse my Tayuya/Hidan-like cursing fit but to say I've been frustrated lately is quite the understatement. the annoying sleeping schedule, if one can begin to call it that, probably isn't aiding me out much either.

Anyways .... I've been having a few contemplations, some involving my real life and others not as directly linked to my family, namely things like:

1. Whether to take up Vein's suggestion and see about a cheap flight to visit them. I still hate the fact he's trying to give up his chance to see his daughter ... though I do understand he'd be mainly remaining back to try to earn more money from his own job. From what I've been seeing though, too many are pushing $1000 dollars and if I'm to end up moving, I can't use up too much in my account. I'd heavily prefer to move out before this year ends .... but if need be, I can wait another damn year.

2. Whether to start writing erotic stories/fanfics. Now here's the main issue with this one; I kid you all not when I say my mother has the damndest ability with research. I'll give a quick example to hint what I mean. Not long after I first moved up and in with Veinexes, we lived with his best friend's mother. My own mom was able to find out not only her full name but number in the span of a couple weeks ... and neither of us even mentioned where we'd gone to. Creepy huh?

So ... if she could do that, I'm dreading if I wrote a book, got it published and then she found that out. It's pretty sad and stupid to be so afraid of one's own parent I can imagine ... but I truly fear if she discovered my writings, whether from here or otherwise, that she'd adopt my daughter and I'd never get to see her again.

I realize this is drastic ... but when I told her and my father I was possibly bicurious, she refused to accept even the possibility and said I had to be heterosexual. And that was way before I even had my daughter.

I just .... really am scared as hell of what she may or may not do. The simplest things upset her, somehow, regardless of whom they're from. A lot of people have asked me before if she and my dad had to be the ones whom took my girl to keep her safe and while I would have gladly tried to get a hold of Vein's parents, they were living out of state. At the time, my parents resided in the same city as me and Vein. If we hadn't taken actions soon, we definitely would have lost her; no questions asked. So .... unfortunately yes, I did have to choose them over any other possibility.

I almost wish that hadn't been the case though.

A saying her and my dad have always told me throughout the years is, "We just want you to be happy."

And yet .... gods the times she's gone against those words. A mix of that plus fear have been keeping me from typing up anything on a laptop, from seeing if I could actually be a decent writer -- enough to get published for it. And it's so damn stupid, I realize, that I allow myself to be this afraid, this scared.

But I feel as if too much is at stake .... and it's just .... making me restrain myself.

But the writing muse of me is pissed off, wanting to do something, anything. But it's hard to when you feel like you're in an endless loop ...

I just feel stuck ... hopeless ....

Hell, she doesn't even know I'm not only Vein's spouse but that we go as far as a Master/slave-type of relationship. There's so much her and dad don't know because if they ever found out .... so many bad things would happen. And with all I've been enduring even before having met Vein, I don't want to repeat similar concepts again; not if it can be helped.

Until next time,
LadyYunaFFX2