A Questionable Excuse

Julian leaned forward with Dylan's urging. He had only been waiting for that prompt to do it. In fact, the boy was almost eager to get his lips around Dylan's cock. Maybe because it would distract him from the pain. It would give him something to do. He swallowed and leaned forward, his thin fingers wrapping around the base. A loving squeeze to it came before he began stroking softly, his tongue moving out to lick the tip. Slowly he lowered his lips around it, sucking passionately at the top of it before he took more in his mouth.

This actually hurt a lot more than he thought, with his jaw. His fingers worked over it slowly as he took more and more in, until he was finally at the base. Julian stayed there for a few seconds, as long as he could hold his breath before he pulled up. The boy took a deep breath, licking the base of Dylan's cock before he moved up to suck the tip, looking through his lashes at the older boy. He pulled off for a moment. "I'll be a good boy..." He murmured seductively before lowering his head down all the way.

Dylan's breath started to elevate slightly as Julian took him into his mouth. A groan or two left him every so often and the other boy’s his touch felt nice which made it difficult to remain angry. He'd only be able to hold a negative attitude for so long. His chest was rising and falling faster now the faster Julian went. He moaned, his cock now full length. God, Julian was too good at this. It almost made Dylan even surer that the other boy had found someone else.

He really didn’t give a fuck though. After a few more minutes, he stiffened and spilled into Julian. “Fuck,” he murmured, falling onto the couch in exhaustion. Despite the fact that they’d only just gotten started, drunken sex always ended before it really started for him. And this time around, he was completely smashed.

Julian had learned just like this. With Dylan, with his boyfriend usually wasted. It was then that Julian had learned to give the best head. It was easier then, less pressure. He'd done it several times before this, and now he'd gotten great at it. He had a long skilled tongue and two plush lips that seemed to welcome the other''s cock. He didn't mind it though. It was mindless and usually Dylan was very happy with him after he did such a thing. So he'd willingly do it whenever he could. Just to make Dylan happy. And he knew how little Dylan liked affection. This created some disconnect between them, it wasn't completely affectionate and it wasn't impersonal either. So Julian could get what he wanted from it.

The boy pulled himself up, licking up the bit of come that remained on his lips. He swallowed it and slowly pulled up his pants, waiting for some kind of indicator from Dylan. "Do you want to go to bed…?" He asked softly, not really sure what is boyfriend would want to do now. What could they do really?

When two people are in love, there are patterns to the way they come together. They may not even realize it, but their bodies become in tuned to one another. It’s a routine, yet not a boring one. It’s just the way that the lovers fit to each other. In a way, they may even change overtime; to fit their partner perfectly. And when they didn’t fit perfectly it was obvious, as obvious as a shoe one size too small or one size too big. Maybe no one else knew, and maybe they eventually learned to ignore it, but it was always there.

Julian and Dylan didn’t fit perfectly. There were moments where the two would feel comfortable, but even the smallest shift made their problem obvious. And that was why Dylan preferred for them to stay still. It was easier to ignore a boyfriend who fit too loosely then to face the problem on hand. He couldn’t simply go out and buy a new boyfriend. Yet, Dylan’s method of making Julian fit never worked. He tried to make him smaller, make him act in a way that fooled Dylan into thinking that it was perfect. The problem though, was not that Julian was too big, but that Dylan was too small. He could never grow into the type of person that Julian needed.

So that day, with the suffocating smell of beer, and the even more suffocating sense of unspoken words, Dylan did and said things that he thought would force his boyfriend to fit. And when it was obvious to him that it hadn’t worked (as he just didn’t feel the happiness that he should have during that moment after sex), he gazed forward at Julian; trying to figure out why they couldn’t be perfect together. “Can you just… leave?” he asked. It wasn’t what he had wanted to say, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and it was all he could force out. Maybe if he was alone long enough, it would be okay. Maybe they just spent too much time together. He leaned back against the stained couch and closed his eyes, waiting for Julian to listen to him.

That poetry was always there, underneath any relationship. A rhythm that was hardly ever noticed, but when it struck a horrid tune was spotlighted. Now, he had a feeling that Dylan wouldn't be happy with him. He didn't know why it was this way, but it was. And it depressed him. That was one of the reasons that Julian was always looking for affirmation. He never thought he'd match that rhythm.

"Dylan." He couldn't leave. Not now. Not after the beating with the blood caking on his cheek. And he certainly couldn't after he told his boyfriend he never would. "I- Are you sure...?" He murmured, looking upat Dylan with those puppydog eyes. Eyes that despite everything, still held some innocence to them.

“Fine, stay,” Dylan snapped, reminded of an old adage that he had been fed once; if you’re nice to a dog once, it’ll come back… not matter how much of a bastard you were to the poor thing afterwards. He hung his head and rubbed the bridge between his eyes. If Julian didn’t want to leave, he wasn’t going to do anything to force him. But still… Julian was so fucking needy, and at the moment, he looked on that fact with contempt. Later he would probably change, tell Julian that he was sorry; that he loved him more than anything.

If anyone were to look closely enough, it would become obvious how much he’d been drinking lately. He was paler than usual and his eyes, which had only a few weeks ago been energetic and bright, had formed dark circles under them. He’d also put on weight, something that he didn’t bother to hide. He was still handsome, but considerably less so.

“But I’m going to bed.” It didn’t matter that it was five in the afternoon, or that the game started in three hours. He wasn’t going anyway. He stood unsteadily and found his way to his room. “Help yourself to… whatever,” he called before leaving, though if Julian actually looked for any real food or drinks, he would find a practically empty fridge apart from the cans of beer that seemed to be everywhere in his house.

Julian was glad that Dylan didn't get upset with him when he said he'd stay. He didn't want to leave his boyfriend here, not when he was drunk like that. The boy wasn't going to argue either, but when Dylan left he picked himself up and slowly slid onto the couch. When he was sure that Dylan was asleep the boy stood up and took Dylan a glass of water which he left on the table next to the be.

The boy spent the rest of his time cleaning up the front room and bathroom. It was easy to do. Mindless. And hopefully Dylan would be pleased with him and they could get over whatever problems they'd had over he past few weeks. Maybe then Dylan wold be healthier. Julian had noticed Dylan's lack in health. It really bothered him.

The last thing Dylan remembered was taking another beer out of the fridge. All recollection of the events that had taken place earlier was gone. Opening his eyes, he rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was ten at night and he had the worst headache. Had Julian even shown up the night before? How much had he drunk? Right now it didn’t matter. His stomach turned and he ran into the bathroom, somehow reaching the toilet before the contents of his stomach emptied, burning his throat and nose horribly. Pulling himself up by the edge of the sink, he turned on the water and rinsed his mouth and face. He was just about to get something to drink when he noticed Julian in the living room.


“Hey Ju-” His face paled and he walked over hesitantly, “What the fuck?”


“What happened?” He brought his hand to the rather nasty hand shaped bruise on his boyfriend’s cheek and traced the line of his jaw to the other bruise. His hangover was forgotten as a fire started in his stomach, taking only seconds to reach his eyes. He was the only one who he ever wanted to touch Julian: period. No one else was allowed to touch what belonged to him. And what kind of human would do this… he didn’t ever think he would hurt the other boy this badly. He’d done worse, but of course this knowledge didn’t permeate the anger enough to actually make him think. “Tell me who did this and I’ll kill the bastard.”

Julian had cleaned himself up. He'd wiped the blood away and tried to cover some of it up. At least Dylan wouldn't be able to see the terrible bruise on his thigh. He'd been laying on the couch when his boyfriend came out. "Hey Dylan..." His eyes looked down at his boyfriend's apparent surprise. It would be difficult, if he could even do it at all. Telling Dylan that it was himself that had done this.

"Oh, it's nothing." Julian answered softly with a little laugh. He pulled his cheek away, turning it so Dylan didn't have to see it. "I- It's not like that. No one did this..." He seemed shamed about it almost.

“You’re lying,” Dylan accused, though he didn’t sound anything like he normally did when accusing Julian of anything akin to lying. His voice was soft and gentle. He didn’t want to hurt the other anymore than he was already hurt. His eyebrows drew together. “I know better than to think that ‘no one’ did that to you.” He had pulled his hand away quickly when Julian had turned his cheek, thinking that maybe his touch had hurt him, but now his hand moved to Julian’s shoulder and down his arm. Clasping his boyfriend’s hand, he kneeled down and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“If you don’t want to tell me what happened,” he began, pulling away and shaking his head in disapproval, “then at least tell me whatever story you’ve made up.” God, this was worse than when he was angry at Julian. At least he knew who to hurt then. Now he was trapped; the urge to injure whoever had touched his boyfriend colliding with the urge to sit here and make the other boy happy. It was an urge that rarely came along, but when he did want to be emotion and loving, he was intent on it.

Julian was glad that Dylan was not angry with him at the moment. His boyfriend was even sweet enough to grab his hand and lean in to kiss him. He couldn't ruin that now. He'd never forgive himself if he put Dylan in a bad mood when his boyfriend was feeling affectionate. It was usually so few and far between that he had to savor every second that he got. And especially since they'd had a bit of a rough night, Julian wanted to make up for that a little. Remind himself why he was in this relationship other than his incredible insecurities.

"I- Just..." Julian seemed confused. Did Dylan really not remember? He didn't want to be the one to tell his boyfriend that he was the one that had beaten him. He was the one that had smacked his face and hurt him. Especially if Dylan didn't know. "Mn. It doesn't matter right now..." Julian murmured, leaning closer to his boyfriend. "They didn't mean to, at least. It was an accident." He wasn't sure how these words would fare, but he was hoping that they wouldn't make Dylan angrier.

Dylan shook his head again, quickly tiring of the topic. If Julian wasn’t going to tell him what happened, he wasn’t going to ask anymore; until he said that ‘they didn’t mean it.’ Now, he wasn’t quite sure if ‘they’ was more than one person, or someone who Julian was reluctant to reveal any information about. But either way, he was going to get the truth out of him one way or the other. They had an odd relationship. Half the time, Dylan couldn’t remember trivial things about his boyfriend; like his eye color, middle name, or birthday. However, he cared deeply about Julian’s wellbeing where the older boy was not involved.

“C’mon, just tell me,” He asked again, “I promise I won’t do anything irrational.” Still holding his boyfriend’s hand, he kissed Julian again. He really wouldn’t do anything irrational… depending on your definition of rational. When someone hurt the person who you cared for, where did rational end and irrational begin? And though it wasn’t on Dylan’s mind, as he would have never guessed (unless prompted endlessly) the true circumstance he was in, was it even possible to be rational when you were the one who had hurt them?

Julian couldn't go on avoiding it like this. He'd have to make something up. He couldn't tell his boyfriend that it had been him when he seemed so concerned with it already. Dylan would be upset with himself and likely give himself some form of self punishment, like drinking himself to sleep again, which Julian really didn't want. The boy shifted next to his boyfriend, pressing into the kiss softly. Julian really was a gentle boy. He preferred to be. Maybe that was why he was with Dylan. They balanced each other out. His plush lips pulled away from the kiss slowly, wanting to savor the affection.

"Just a boy after school. He tried to get some money from me, but I told him I didn't have any." Which was true. Julian wasn't wealthy. "I didn't know him, and honestly it happened so fast..." He whispered, leaning in to press another needy kiss to Dylan's lips, looking for some kind of comfort.

Fuck. Dylan colored a few shades at Julian’s explanation. How could someone hurt someone so delicate for money? He’d grown up poor himself, poorer than anyone in his school, and he’d never turned to any type of crime, not even lifting a few bucks from his mom. He’d instead been forced to stay home on field trips, skip dances, and sit around listening to everyone else complain about how their mommies wouldn’t get them that brand new phone everyone else had. It was then that he’d gained a sort of contempt for anyone with money. Even if they had earned it fairly, he saw them as spoiled little brat.

Dylan moved away from the kiss quickly. He looked at Julian with what only could be described as disappointment. Hadn’t he learned that Dylan didn’t like to be touched? He didn’t even enjoy it when he was like this. However, like this, he actually felt bad about pulling away and he leaned back in for another kiss, his lips landing on Julian’s neck. “Maybe you should let me pick you up tomorrow,” Dylan suggested hesitantly. “I really don’t want you to get hurt again.” He lowered his lips, lightly kissing the top of his boyfriend’s collarbone.

Julian was lying. Although it was believable. The school that he went to wasn't the best in their district. But it wasn't the most terrible either. On the walk or bus home it could have happened. It was believable. Although Dylan was right. People probably wouldn't pick him out. He didn't look to wealthy. Although he was an easy target. He was thin and looked like he couldn't put up a fight.

The boy swallowed and nodded his head. He should have known better than to lean in and kiss Dylan then. It was hard to control himself like that. Julian was an affectionate person, and while he liked getting kisses and attention, he loved giving it just as much. "Okay." He smiled and nodded his head, arching his neck back a little so Dylan could kiss at his collar bone more easily. That felt very nice.

Gosh, poor Julian. He was so small and weak. And now people had picked him out for it. It was easy for this to strike a chord with Dylan. He picked on people all the time. He had actually been a bully during high school; picking on the kids who couldn’t defend themselves. One of his main targets had been the only openly gay kid in the school. He was just so… flamboyant and annoying. It made Dylan uncomfortable. Then he Julian, and he didn’t like to admit it, but everything had changed. Now he couldn’t help but wonder if his boyfriend was being picked on for his sexuality. He couldn’t help but doubt the boy’s other explanation.

“Did they also do it because of… you know?” Dylan’s voice was muffled as his lips moved across Julian’s chest. He bit down gently above his ribcage. “Did you tell anyone about us?”

Julian had been picked on for his sexuality many times. Usually, he was almost positive that it was by boys that were confused by him. They were curious and that bothered them. So they had to take out that frustration on Julian. But he'd never been beaten like he'd told Dylan he had been. The boy swallowed at the question, tilting his head back a little further. Obviously he was being pleasured by the feel of those lips over his skin. It felt incredibly nice, especially after last night...

"I-Maybe..." He murmured, licking his bottom lip. "Nobody knows that you're... That it's you. But they do know I have a boyfriend." He answered softly, his green eyes looking down at Dylan affectionately. Of course he'd never tell anyone that Dylan was his boyfriend. He knew how bothered the other was by that.

Dylan crawled on top of Julian, careful to balance his weight on his hands, which were on either side of the other boy’s body. He traced his boyfriend’s ribs with kisses that were as light as he could make them. Yet, this didn’t mean they were soft at all. His teeth left marks on the other’s body, mixing with the bruises in an almost painful way. But still; he was doing his best.

“Well don’t,” he ordered, pulling away for a moment. “I don’t want anyone to know that I’m dating you. I mean… they might draw some conclusions if they see you coming here.” This was why he’d never been on an actual date with Julian. Why he’d never taken his boyfriend to a movie or kissed him in public. “Take another route here from now on, okay?” He kissed Julian again, not as softly as before.

Julian enjoyed it when Dylan was so willing to give him affection, but slowly he realized that these kisses were not as light as he'd expected. The boy licked his bottom lip and tried to keep himself from making any noises with the kisses and marks that Dylan left behind. He arched his back a little, which only pressed those thin ribs up into the kisses. He looked more terrible now than he had in a while. There were fading bruises on his ribs and the bruises on his legs were red and purple, new and blossoming. Now Dylan was just leaving more little markings. The one on his arm was in a middle stage, almost to the point of fading, but it would still hurt if touched.

The boy swallowed. He wanted to ask Dylan. He really did. But this had always been the way it was. Unspoken that the two of them weren't together. It didn't help that Dylan didn't even want to be with him. He was doing Julian a favor by being with him, because no one else would want the smaller male. "Okay..." He murmured before that kiss was pressed to his lips. Julian nodded his head a little, closing his eyes. But he gained a little courage then. "Dylan?" He asked softly, not sure how long this courage would last with him.

Dylan looked up at Julian, his eyes darkened and his lids heavy with something that wasn’t quite lust. It was need, however wasn’t for his boyfriend’s body. The strangest urge came over him for a drink, though now wasn’t really an appropriate moment to be drinking. It was a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored; his constant thirst for liquor, but it was one that was ignored by himself, by his friends, by everyone who was unlucky enough to be around him when he was drunk. He looked over Julian’s torso and bit his top lip.

“Yea,” he asked, shifting almost all of his weight to one arm and bringing his other hand to Julian’s upper leg, trying to redirect his urge. He cocked his head slightly to the side and a small smile appeared on his lips. “What is it?”

Julian swallowed as he looked up to Dylan. That looked a little frightening, the glance that he was getting. It was something he was all too used to now. Dylan looking so needily anywhere for some kind of relief. Sometimes it came in waves, other times it was constant. And it tormented Julian as much as it tormented his boyfriend, he was sure. He swallowed again, this time it was a nervous swallow.

"Why don't you want anyone to know...?" He'd never questioned it before. He'd accepted it. He'd followed blinding and accepted what his boyfriend told him without any arguement whatsoever. "I mean..." There was no taking back that question now. He couldn't avoid the outcome.

Dylan pulled away quickly, his eyebrows flying up. Wasn’t it obvious? How could Julian ask such a stupid question? “Because I’m not a faggot,” he answered, using the derogatory word for the first time in front of his boyfriend. “God Julian…” He pushed himself off of the younger boy and stood up. “I don’t want people thinking that I’m like you. And if you ever tell anyone…” Trailing off, Dylan walked away from Julian and into the kitchen. If the other had been expecting anything tonight... that deal was off. There was no way he was even going to touch Julian after such a stupid question.

He’d told his boyfriend before that he wasn’t gay. Hell, he wasn’t even bisexual. He liked girls. The boy on his couch was simply close enough to a girl to count as one. He opened his refrigerator and took out another drink, a sure sign of what tonight would entail.

Julian was surprised by how quickly Dylan's mood changed. Honestly he should have expected that kind of reaction, granted the kind he'd had in the past. He should have known better. Dylan was giving him a chance, something he didn't even deserve. Why did he question it? The boy swallowed and pulled himself up, grabbing a nearby blanket on the couch. He covered himself up quickly, looking to the ground. The word had obviously hurt him. He didn't move from that spot. Instead he just swallowed down his words and bit back his tears The boy looked like a beaten dog. Literally. And it was pretty pathetic how he sat back and let Dylan speak such terrible words to him.

"Maybe I should leave..." He stood up and grabbed his shirt, letting the blanket fall back onto the couch.

“Maybe you should,” Dylan spat, looking at Julian with disgust. He wasn’t fucking gay. How dare the other even insinuate such a thing. That was disgusting. He was nothing like Julian. He would have a wife and kids one day. And then maybe his mom would look at him like he was a human being. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so disgusting. Having a boyfriend was holding him back. Julian was holding him back.

The funny thing was, he’d never thought of it like that before. And with that thought, came words that he never thought would come out of his mouth. “Maybe we should break up.” The sound of the last word was followed by the sound of a can opening. His voice became considerably kinder. “I don’t want you anymore Julian. This isn’t going to go anywhere and you know it. What’s the point of pretending. Like I said… I’m not gay.”

Julian was pulling on his shirt, getting ready to leave when he heard those words. They were something that he had never expected. He'd always known that he wasn't deserving of Dylan, but he thought he'd always have something with the older male. There was something that kept Dylan coming back to him. Or maybe it was just a default thing for Dylan. It was convenient for Dylan to have him. He was sure that Dylan could easily have girls at his side if he just made a few phone calls. Or even if he just went out into public. He was handsome and Julian was just some pet that was easy to keep around.

He swallowed harshly and bit his bottom lip almost to the point of bleeding. If they were putting that out on the table, then he would put what he had to say too. "Maybe we should." He stepped towards the door, the fear of Dylan not even in his head. Why should he be afraid, if his boyfriend was so intent on not keeping him around? His boyfriend didn't even want to be his boyfriend. It was hard to say these words, because he didn't really want to say them. "I can easily find someone who is gay." He answered, hand on the door knob. But the words were not sincere. He knew he couldn't find someone who was.