Your support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)Saa.. It's been quite some time since I've logged on here... Long story short, a lot of shit has been going on in my life and it's finally piecing its self back together.
I don't really care to rant about it all.. except for one thing in particular; my father.
I'm pretty much done with having him in my life right now. Please don't give me the "But he's your father" lecture. Trust me, I've given it to myself. But when it comes down to it.. that man is hardly a father to me at all. And all I feel like I am to him is a call any time, free babysitter... Not a daughter. And it's just ridiculous. Yes, he pays for my phone... and trust me, he holds that over my head as if it were the noose around his neck...
But I'm tired... what use is this stupid phone if he never bothers to answer... and what's worse? When he chooses to listen to any voice mail, he tells his friends he isn't really listening to it because he "doesn't want to hear it".. Even though MOST of the time it's me calling to let him know that the answer to whatever question it is, is yes, I will do this or that. So in the end I look bad to his friends because he makes it sound like I don't want to do anything they ask me to help with -_-;; For example, a friend of his had asked me to do face painting... and when he called me about it, I had missed his phone call.. But when I called him less than two minutes after he called... he didn't' answer.. So I left a voice mail saying that I'd LOVE to do it and it would be a lot of fun! So what did he tell his friend? That I had left a message that he didn't want to listen to because it was some excuse about why I couldn't do the face painting...
But that... shit like that I can deal with. But the fact that he never answers his phone? It's grown tiresome and in the end... it hurts.. it hurts that when I need my father he's never there. I tried calling him ten times in the course of thirty minutes this past Friday. It's now Wednesday and he hasn't even called back to see what I needed... And when it came down to it.. I really really needed his help... I needed my dad and he didn't care enough to even see what it was... For all he knows, I could have been getting beat by someone.. or in the Hospital... But he still doesn't care to call back...
So, I'm hurt... It's pathetic that someone I haven't seen or talked to in over year is a better parent to me... She was there and ready to do anything she could to help... She has taken me in to her home and is treating me like her own daughter...
And where is he? At the bar next to my work.. Drinking every night... Ignoring me...
So.. I'm done... I'm going to write a note, leave him my phone... Tell him that when he's ready to prove to me that he can be a fucking father in my life that then... and only then will he get my new number. Even better? I'm going to leave it at the same bar he goes to every night... Because I know he'll be there to get it...
I don't really care to rant about it all.. except for one thing in particular; my father.
I'm pretty much done with having him in my life right now. Please don't give me the "But he's your father" lecture. Trust me, I've given it to myself. But when it comes down to it.. that man is hardly a father to me at all. And all I feel like I am to him is a call any time, free babysitter... Not a daughter. And it's just ridiculous. Yes, he pays for my phone... and trust me, he holds that over my head as if it were the noose around his neck...
But I'm tired... what use is this stupid phone if he never bothers to answer... and what's worse? When he chooses to listen to any voice mail, he tells his friends he isn't really listening to it because he "doesn't want to hear it".. Even though MOST of the time it's me calling to let him know that the answer to whatever question it is, is yes, I will do this or that. So in the end I look bad to his friends because he makes it sound like I don't want to do anything they ask me to help with -_-;; For example, a friend of his had asked me to do face painting... and when he called me about it, I had missed his phone call.. But when I called him less than two minutes after he called... he didn't' answer.. So I left a voice mail saying that I'd LOVE to do it and it would be a lot of fun! So what did he tell his friend? That I had left a message that he didn't want to listen to because it was some excuse about why I couldn't do the face painting...
But that... shit like that I can deal with. But the fact that he never answers his phone? It's grown tiresome and in the end... it hurts.. it hurts that when I need my father he's never there. I tried calling him ten times in the course of thirty minutes this past Friday. It's now Wednesday and he hasn't even called back to see what I needed... And when it came down to it.. I really really needed his help... I needed my dad and he didn't care enough to even see what it was... For all he knows, I could have been getting beat by someone.. or in the Hospital... But he still doesn't care to call back...
So, I'm hurt... It's pathetic that someone I haven't seen or talked to in over year is a better parent to me... She was there and ready to do anything she could to help... She has taken me in to her home and is treating me like her own daughter...
And where is he? At the bar next to my work.. Drinking every night... Ignoring me...
So.. I'm done... I'm going to write a note, leave him my phone... Tell him that when he's ready to prove to me that he can be a fucking father in my life that then... and only then will he get my new number. Even better? I'm going to leave it at the same bar he goes to every night... Because I know he'll be there to get it...