Rock Hard Ballerina (CLOSED)

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira got into the car and opened his mouth to tell the other that's not what he had meant. Not really. He nodded and thought about how Yuji phrased it, he crossed his arms in the car and had a very perplexed look on his face. He guessed that is what he had said. It definitely had sounded like that. He fidgeted and nodded "Yeah, ok." he said and looked out the window. "I guess I'll be known as Aki for a while, aren't I?" he asked and chuckled. "Why use that old nickname?" he looked over to Yuji. "Akira is a fine name for a girl as well, or were you just trying to get it to sound like you've known me for a while?" he asked and then bit his lip "I...sorry, that sounded harsh." he said, he was very slowly figuring out this ice queen bit. "Don't mind it. What's this person's name?" he asked, trying to change the subject as well.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

"Aki suits you. . . You still called me Yu-Yu. It was all I could come up with for Ito on short notice." Yuji still wasn't confessing that he had planned to ruined Akira's life that night they had met. "Besides your own name might cause someone to look you up."

"And Kano will will be in New York. He's a choreographer. Incidentally he also has a photographic memory for dancers he likes. If you impress him he'll get you work in New York." Yuji wondered he should warn Akira that Kano was "handsy", nahh, he just would not leave Akira alone with the sensual hedonistic Kano. "He's brilliant with movement and musical interpretations as well. He might have some pointers for you."

Yuji didn't mention that Kano was also brilliant about other things and extraordinarily flexible to boot. Akira would likely get mad, besides Yuji wasn't gonna let Kano get near enough to try out his usual stunts on his "girlfriend".

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira chuckled a bit "You didn't seem to like it very much." he said and looked over that Yuji, smirking slightly. "Alright, I'll be happy to work with him, if I can. What if I impress him though and he gets me work? It won't have a crazy deal saying I have to work with him right away will it?" he asked "I mean, I doubt it would, since you have me for a year, to do with as you please." he said, his smirk still on his face. His opinions of the agreement had obviously changed. He wasn't a bunny, no, but he wasn't going to lie and say he didn't like the agreement either, at least, he did now.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji stared out the window at passing scenery for a moment. He really hadn't thought of that. If Akira got offers before the years was up, he'd be selfish to hold him back. However, they had just gotten to an OK place, still he wouldn't cling like a vine. If Akira left he wouldn't beg him to stay.

"I suppose it would be up to you Akira. If something better comes along for your career, it would be unfair for me to make you stay on the tour just to back-up dance for me." Yuji looked over at him with a sad little smile. "Besides you told me once dancing is the only thing you could ever love with all your heart or that made you happy. I think in the face of that kinda devotion any contract with me is automatically null and voided. And there is your dancers pride. I do believe you said if I "dare to try and take that away from you, you'll find a way to hurt me again? So regardless you'd have to do what you must."

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira nodded, he refused to look at Yuji at the moment. He could hear the hurt in his voice when he repeated what Akira had said all those years ago, and then again, only a few days from then. "Do...do you know what Ito is going to have me dance to or am I allowed to pick what I want to dance to?" he asked. He was hoping it was the latter, he had the perfect song that he would dance to, if Yuji said it was okay.

Akira finally glanced over to him and smiled softly "If I can, I'd like to dance to that song you were playing in the studio, the one that hasn't been out on a record label before." he said "You played on your guitar for me, the first time I was in the studio with you in Paris." he explained, biting his lip slightly.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji was distracted a little as the town car pulled into the Roissy-Charles de Gaulle airport traffic. He wondered if they'd miss a flight again. So it was a moment before he registered Akira's question and then he soft request. Jerking a little, he stared at the danser in shock a blush spreading over his cheeks.

"That. . . that's not a song from my set." Yuji was not about to explain to Akira that song had been written not only five years ago but specifically for him--Yuji played it purely from memory as he always had. Every note of it was written on his heart. "There. . .there isn't even a demo for it. No accompaniment, no nothing, it's not even in the style I use now--it's. . .I mean. . .why would you want to dance to that? Wouldn't you rather pick something that wasn't so raw? I can't record it in enough time even if I wanted to. . . I'd have to play it. This is your solo moment on stage I don't want to muck up for you."

Yuji was grasping at straws and he knew it. It was a simple matter to place him off stage in a number, and he had digital equipment in his laptop that could do a recording. But the thought of an arena full of strangers hearing his love poured out in it's rawest state, made Yuji woozy. He knew few would know what the music was about, but he still felt nervous and terrified. And then to have Akira dance to it without even knowing who it was for. . . Yuji's face got even redder.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira bit his lip, he went too far, didn't he? He shook his head "If it's too much trouble, don't worry about it. I just like the song." he said and smiled a little. Until he noticed Yuji's face turning red. He bit his lip a little harder "I'm sorry..." he said and looked down "I didn't mean to get you mad." he said and looked away "It's just, the song is so easy to dance to, and I don't mind you staying on stage with me, I'm still the only dancer on the stage. Plus if they end up having only eyes for me, then I'm doing my job." he chuckled lightly "Though, I don't really see that ever happening. Not that I really care too much." he said and shrugged "It's fine, don't even think that I asked it, I'll ask Ito to have a song ready for me tonight and I'll work on adding the dance to it." he said.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Well this was awkward Yuji thought. Either he admitted when and why the song was written and risk the rejection--or allow Akira to think he was being selfish. Yuji stewed on things until they boarded --and Ito did his song and dance about them doing their best, but if anyone embarassed him he'd airmail their ass back to Tokyo. Yuji tuned things out, and still sat on his secret until the plane moved into position on the tarmac.

"You . . .you can use the song." Yuji answered quietly. "You might as well, it. . .it was written for you."

Yuji refused to elaborate, and instead stuffed his ear buds in and cranked the music up loudly. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep--hoping Akira wouldn't ask him anything more about the song. It was a childish response he knew, but every time he thought of the notes to that song he wanted to die, worse he knew what Akira didn't--there were lyrics. Sappy romantic, die with out you type lyrics. He would have to change them in order to keep Akira from the real meaning of the song. True he and Akira were suppose to be "together", but that didn't mean he was willing to risk exposing his heart to the dancer again.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira listened Ito go on and on about being their best, and even he was looking out the window paying little attention to what Ito was saying, but heard every word. When he heard Yuji say he could use the song he looked over and blinked "really?!" he asked, he was shocked, so shocked he just barely caught the end tail of the answer. He was about to ask what Yuji meant when he said it was written for him, when Yuji put the ear buds into his ears. Akira frowned and sighed, leaning over to Ito and telling him that he had his song picked out, if that was okay. He glanced over to Yuji and bit his lip, he wanted to know why, he guessed he would just ask later.

Soon as the plane took off Akira closed his eyes and leaned into Yuji, resting his head on his shoulder. After all they were supposed to be a couple, though, he did like leaning on Yuji like this.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji breathed a sigh of relief that Akira didn't bug him anymore about the song. Even better was the comforting weight of Akira on Yuji's shoulder and against his side. Without realizing it the rocker sighed contentedly. He didn't even pay attention to a few interested stares from the rest of band and dancers, he caught spying from the fringe of his lashes as the plane lifted into the air. Yuji didn't care what the others thought. He had Akira and he was cuddled close, making Yuji feel happy and giddy.

The rest didn't matter.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira had fallen asleep for a little while, his head never leaving Yuji's shoulder but once and he woke up because of it. He looked around very confused to where he was and the strange sensation of flying underneath him. He blinked and noticed Yuji and the other members of the band and the dancers. "oh..." he said and set his head back on Yuji's shoulder "Yu...why is the song for me? written for me?" he asked, quietly and towards Yuji, who he wasn't even sure heard him.

He glanced at all the people and noticed there were still a few looks their way. The dancers mostly, he could hear soft whispers and saw gestures in his direction. He bit his lip and looked away, moving a little bit closure to Yuji and sighed a bit. He knew they were going to question him but he didn't think that they would do it right in front of him.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji had been dozing as well, the sudden shift Akira's body jerked him awake too. His ipod had run out of charge so he couldn't pretend he hadn't heard Akira's softly worded question.

"Akira I thought we were making a fresh start. Can't we just not discuss that song. Just use it and do as you want with it. I wrote it in a different time--when I was a different person. Look can we just leave the past alone and not pick at it like a sore?" Yuji shoved a hand through his hair he didn't know or understand what Akira wanted from him. His common sense should have told him the song was written back when Yuji had thought Akira loved him the way he had loved the young dancer.

"I can't start fresh with you if you keep constant poking at who I was back in the past. You didn't even want that Yuji--so can we just pretend he didn't exist?!" Yuji mumbled and turned away to stare out the window.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira bit his lip "We can't start fresh Yuji, we both know each other..." he mumbled, not really caring if Yuji heard it or not. He glanced at Yuji and sighed "I just...I mean, it's kind of an honor when someone writes a song that was meant for you. So I wanted to know why you did...I mean, you say it's from a different time...but when, is it supposed to be a happy song, a sad song? What?" he asked and bit his lip, he didn't want to push Yuji too far, he didn't mean to get him mad or upset with him. "If it makes it easier, view it as I'm asking the questions to get the full sense of the song, so I'm able to dance to it better." he said and fiddled with his hands "That is partially the reason I'm asking as well."

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji felt like a trapped animal next to Akira. He couldn't even walk away from to avoid the questions. He could lie, but he didn't really want to do that. But the thought of confessing the whys and whens, made him break out in a cold sweat. It was just to admit that it was the gift he had planned to give when Akira had refused him seemed even more pathetic and lame.

"Fine you want the full sense of the song. . . here goes. Imagine a sixteen year old kid with zero friends, foster parents who kicked his ass coming and going--who spent some nights in a skate park just so he wouldn't have to go back to the dunkards that used him for a check and a punching bag. Is it nice and clear for you? Now imagine that same kid stumbles on to a dance studio that had little in the way of security--but excellent acoustics for say a guitar? So the kid breaks in at night to play his music and sleep. But then over sleeps and doesn't get out of the building fast enough to NOT see the class that actually uses his make shift squat. Perhaps that boy shouldn't have but he looks in the windows, more nosy than anything else. . .only to see the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Boy? Girl? He didn't know. . . he didn't care. He keeps watching this--dancer, and makes up all kinds of crazy love infused crap in his head, that his dancer dances just for him. That if he was just good enough this dancer might think he was something worth having." Yuji refused to look at Akira instead staring out his small window at passing clouds. It kinda hurt less talking about this as if it hadn't been him wasn't his life.

"So he starts composing a song for the dancer, somewhere in his head he thinks if he wrote something even slightly as amazing just for this wonderful bit of music on legs then maybe that dancer would love him back. So the foolish boy gets caught spying on the dancer, only to find out he's been falling in love with a guy, but the kid doesn't care--cause anyone so wonderful is perfect. But then dancer turns out not to be the warm and wonderful light that made the kids life seem brighter. He was cold, and uncaring. . .he breaks the stupid punk kid's heart--long before the kid can even play for him the song that was meant to represent all the love and appreciation he had for the dancer. There now you have your interpretation. . .it was a very stupid gesture of love from an even stupider kid. Now if you'll excuse me I need to stretch my legs." Yuji didn't wait for Akira's reply just pushed past the dancer heading for the back of the plane.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

"Yuji!" he called after Yuji and sighed when the other was already toward the back of the plane. He turned back and crossed his arms, annoyed that Yuji wasn't letting him respond at all to the story that Yuji had given him. He bit his lip, and tried very hard not to kick the seat in front of him, like he was so tempted to. He moved seats though and glared out the window as if the clouds and sky had made Yuji not listen to him. Akira sat an brooded for a while, trying to figure out what he should say to Yuji when he came back.

He agreed, he was heartless when he told the boy no, but he couldn't deny that his heartlessness was also just a broken heart. He had hurt so much as well, after his friends had told him Yuji was only in it for the sex...he had just shut down. He had thought Yuji loved him, they had never spoken those words, but the way Yuji watched him, only an idiot wouldn't have known. And only an idiot would have believed Akira's friends like he did. Akira kicked the chair in front of him and whispered a small cuss under his breath. He had gone and screwed things up again, because he was curious.

Yuji had written the song for him, to tell him everything and he couldn't have listened to it just once? He shook his head and glanced back to see where Yuji was before quickly turning back around in his seat. He didn't care about all the eyes that were on him anymore. He wanted Yuji to be sitting next to him again, laughing and talking and having fun. He wanted to have so much more happen than what was happening at the moment. He bit his lip before getting up and heading towards the back to talk to Yuji.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji was. . . well hiding. There really wasn't a better explanation for why Yuji was in the plane bathroom. It wasn't like he was using it. He had just merely pretzelled himself enough to perch on the sink with his boots propped up on the toilet lid. He really didn't give a damn if the others on the plane thought he had some kind of intestinal disorder. Barring some one making him leave, he planned to stay right where he was until they landed. Childish? Yes. . . But 35,000 thousand feet in the air with no way to escape Akira and his questions didn't leave room for adult behavior. He was paying for the stupid chartered plane so he could damn well hide in the loo if he choose.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira looked around and sighed, he didn't think the bathroom was much of a hiding place, but there weren't many, and it was the only place he thought would be reasonable for Yuji to hide. He knocked on the door. "Yuji...stop being a child." he said and frowned at the door. Talk about calling the kettle black, he had just kicked a chair. He knocked on the door again. "Yuji, get out of the bathroom." he glanced towards where the rest of the people on the plane were, to make sure none were listening. "Yuji...if we are going to make this work out and convincing, you'll come out of that bathroom and talk it out like a man. It's kind of pathetic when the one who is supposed to be a woman is acting less childish than you are." he said, Yuji didn't need to know how childish he was being earlier. "Don't make me go get someone to open the door. I will make them think something is going to happen in there that isn't." he said, letting Yuji take that how he wanted.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

"I'm sorry but the party you are trying to reach YUJI KINJO, is not in service for incoming bullshit. Beep!" Yuji called out to Akira in a high voice like his cell's voice mail. He knew the ice queen--all bark no bite. Akira would not want to embarrass himself by asking to get into the bathroom and with the exception of Ito, Yuji didn't give a damn what the rest of the band thought of him. He was locked in a bathroom for christs sakes, it didn't get much more Punk'd than this. Akira wasn't getting in, Yuji figured he had at least four more hours of "act like a five year old" left to tantrum out in the bathroom.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira sighed and turned away from the bathroom. "You do realize, I could just talk to you through the door, right? You're a captive audience now, you aren't going anywhere. I would have to speak a little louder though, to make sure you heard me." he raised his voice a tad, to prove his point "Which means, whatever I say the rest of the band might here, all the secrets, all of it." he said and frowned a bit. "But just in case." He looked towards the front of the plane and raised his voice even higher. "Ito!" he called "Ito, could you please help me here? Your star is throwing a tantrum and won't come out of the bathroom!" he glanced at the bathroom "I think he said it was something about drinking too much, I'm afraid he's going to throw up or something. Who knows, could hurt himself." he kept his eye on the door, almost positive Ito would get the hint.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Ito rolled his eyes. Fucking really? They hadn't even made it to the hotel yet. Yuji wasn't paying him enough for this angsty teen after school special shit--but he was gonna give himself a big fat Christmas bonus after all this nonsense was over. Ito goosed one of the stewardesses right quick, winking when she would have protested and in his best "Do Me Baby" voice explain his needs while she still had a blush on her face.

"Alright cupcake. You got until someone has to use the john." Ito said brandishing the bathroom emergency key before dropping it in Akira's hand. "And bring it back before we land--the stewardess I got it from wants to join Ito's Mile High VIP program IF you know what I mean."

Ito swaggered away whistling "Cherry Pie".

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira smiled a thank you and rolled his eyes "Ito...I don't want to know." he said and unlocked the door, opening it and eying Yuji. "So...you really thought I couldn't get in here?" asked and stepped into the bathroom, locking the door behind him, shoving the key into his pocket, and leaning against the door. "Yuji, will you listen to me? Just this once?" he asked and leaned to look at him a bit. "I want to know what I'm going to have to do to get you to forgive me. I was stupid and I was a kid. I've said sorry, god knows how many times, I've slept with you, I'm your...girlfriend, whatever you want to call me. I'm obeying by your rules, I'm asking your permission to dance to the song that you've just said you wrote for me! What more do you want me to do?" he asked.

"I love that song, I...I'm honored to hear that it was written for me, you didn't have to tell me that at all. But you did. It only makes me feel even worse for what I did to you five years ago. I shouldn't have, but I did. You don't want to live in the past then stop living in the past. Neither of us can change what happened back then. It's done and over, will you just tell me what you want?" he asked.

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji had to admire Akira's resourcefulness. Though the small ass bathroom had much to be desired for a "heart- to- heart conversation". . .Plus he had planned to lick his wounds a bit longer.

"There are not many places in the air that have locked doors Akira. Besides have you no boundaries? I could have been taking a wizz." Yuji grumbled. "As for forgiving I do. . . forgive you--but I don't. . .I don't trust you. I have no reason to. So why would I tell you all my secrets. I'm fairly sure you don't tell me yours. As for sex. . . Anyone can fuck or be fucked by me--I told you that before, I haven't been the most judicious of sex partners. But if you want to go there. . .You can't even honestly admit wanting me, of the THREE. . . THREE Akira not "many" times we had sex, the first time you laid there as though I was raping you. The second time I had coax you out on a balcony. . . And last time Ito got free porn! So don't use SEX as the reason I should start spilling my guts, as nothing we've done has been particularly mind blowing for me! I've been fucked with more enthusiasm by people who didn't even LIKE me. . .than you have!"

"And what rules Akira? You bend everything to suit you and I let you. I give you what you want and still it's not how you want it. I'm a person too! I have needs and desires--none of which you're interested in UNLESS they directly benefit YOU!" Yuji was almost screaming in anger. As it was he had went red in the face. "And fine you were a kid--SO was I! But I loved you and you threw me away! Now you want me to just forgive and forget cause it suits YOU! I can't! OK! It wasn't some infatuation for me. . .I carried that all five of the years until you showed up at that stupid concert! All I've DONE is lived in the past! I don't fucking know how else to live cause every step I've taken then and now has been to be worthy enough for you!"

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira fought the urge to leave the room and slam the door in Yuji's face. He was becoming just as mad as Yuji was and he honestly had no idea why. "You never tell me those needs! Other than sex! It makes me think that my friends all those years ago were right! You are nothing but a low life second rate player who doesn't care about anybody unless they give you sex!" he was screaming, not the wisest place to do it, but he was furious at the other. "You don't think that I was hurt when I said no! You don't think that I wanted to tell you yes! How do you think I felt when it finally hit me that my friends were right! You just wanted the sex, it's why you left so easily!" he yelled and turned away from the other, he didn't want to even look at Yuji any longer.

"You were the one that told me to forget it, that you wanted to start anew. This isn't starting anew! This is just...just...keeping the same stupid kid that you used to be only this time you have money. It's the only difference about you. You want me to quit being an ice queen then you need to quit acting like a...like a childish little boy who thinks he's all high and mighty! You aren't the only one that has been hurt in the world, so stop acting like it."

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Yuji winced as though he had been slapped. He fell silent as the hurtful words hung in the air between them. Low life second rate player? Stupid kid? Yuji felt like his chest was burning, he wanted to cry but he couldn't and he didn't even know why he had the urge. This wasn't going to work. . .they were too different--and neither could understand the other. If Akira believed those things about him still, then there was nowhere Yuji could go from there? The dancer didn't know him at all. All the stupid love he had dreamed up in his head then, and yes even now--it was all a lie. Akira knew nothing about him, so why even pretend that this farce could be a relationship?

"You're right. You're right about everything." Yuji said in a quiet voice in the silence. "We shouldn't even be trying to have a relationship outside of the business aspect of things. My apologizes for my behavior. I think we should perhaps stop trying to force what isn't there for either of us, and just try and get through this tour. I'll explain to Ito that you're to have you're own suite, and his assistance and he's a good manager so he can take you to meet the right people so you'll have opportunities after the tour. Other than for rehearsals and actual shows, we'll keep contact with each other to a minimum. Now if you'll excuse me I think we both made enough of a spectacle of ourselves. Please open the door, so we can go back to our seats, with no more childish episodes."

RE: Rock Hard Ballerina (AlexsSketches, FindingSoubi)

Akira's hand flashed to the door and he held it shut. "No." he said simply, he saw it just as well as Yuji, the two were too different. Yet, he didn't want it to be over. Yuji's song was still in his head and he couldn't get it out of his head. He bit his lip and fiddled with the lock on the door a few times. "I-I don't...I don't want to be right..." he said, finally. "I want to be dead wrong about you, Yuji. I want my...my so called friends to be dead wrong. I don't want that song you played for me, wrote for me, to be just a random happen stance, just a lucky plucking of strings. If what I said was right, you are lying to a world of fans. They think that you are in love or at least used to be at some point, don't lie to them." he turned around, keeping the door unlocked.

"If that song was a lie, then I don't want to dance to it." he looked at Yuji. "I want to dance to a song that I think shows off everything about you. I've never been able to dance the way I did when I danced to that song..." he bit his lip "It sounds selfish and I guess it is, but you seemed to enjoy it as much as I did." he looked down and moved out of the way. "I'm sorry, again, for everything. If you don't think this is going to work out, I'll...I'll go back on the next flight to Japan." he grabbed his hands in front of him to keep him from shaking "And I'm not talking about the business aspect." he said quietly.