Lingering Thoughts... (Cyg's Journal)

My thoughts…

I’ve considered, for a long time, writing something of a journal. Wherein, I give my opinions on many different topics and how I’ve learned to deal with them up to this point in my life. Also the occasional rant/venting fit. Why would I write this? I’m not sure myself. I guess a part of me thinks that if I share it, perhaps someone else can benefit and not make some of the same mistakes I have. Maybe, I just need to get bunch this crap off my chest. Whatever the case, I think this would be a good format to do so.

I would rather these topics not be considered open for debate. Again, this is just my take on some of the more complicated things life can throw our way. It’s safe to say that there are many things in life that mold and shape us. These things, these events and people, loved ones or otherwise, ultimately condition us to handle problems and, life in general, in often very unique ways. I suppose it would only be right to give credit, where credit is due. I won’t get into all the little things or overly dramatic events.

My father has been perhaps the biggest influence, always ready to dish out constructive criticism and the only man I’ve ever known to always have an answer. Granted, it may not be the best possible answer but I don’t ever recall him saying: “I don’t know.”

By now I couldn’t tell you how many books I’ve read by. Some of them were purely entertaining, others rather informative. Out of all of these, there is one book that has, without any doubt, changed my way of thinking about so many things. This one book I’ve read overall twice and several portions of it quite a few times. The title: “Hakagure”, I won’t go into details here but I’m sure I’ll end up touching on some parts of this later on. If you’re really interested, you should be able to find a copy at just about any bookstore.

Well..hopefully I’ll post again soon when I really start to collect my thoughts on one particular topic.

I'm looking forward to what else you have to put.

Justice..

“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke

The first time I heard this quote, I was 12. At that time in my life I hadn’t given any real deep thought to anything. This one phrase, however, made me pause. I remember really taking it in, something about it struck a chord at my very center. Ever since that day, it’s stuck with me and following that principal has landed me in some hot water. Now, mind you, I’ve never considered myself to be pious and I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. But there is one thing that I have never been able to tolerate: Injustice. When I see or learn of someone, intentionally, going out of their way to harm someone else, barring very certain circumstances, I will put a stop to it. If it’s a feud between family or a lover’s quarrel, that’s altogether different. A cashier getting yelled at over something that wasn’t their fault, a coworker being bullied around the job site, things of this nature.

My father, in an effort to teach me a bit of business psychology, said this: “You can judge a man not by what he will do, but by what he won’t do.”

It took me a while to really understand just what he meant. But the longer I dwelled on it, it made sense. This too I’ve carried with me for a long time and, coupled with the previous statement, often helps dictate my actions.

I do have one story that I’m not particularly proud of. I was in high school at the time. I was on my way back to class, coming from the restroom. This kid, whom I barely knew, goes flying by me with a bloody nose and tears in his eyes. Something told me to turn back and check on him. When I catch up to him to take a closer look, I was shocked to find that his nose was really broken. I then questioned him, at first he told me not to worry about it but I couldn’t just let it go. Finally, after several minutes, he explains that some guys, in art class, had been calling him names and picking on him and when he attempted to put a stop to it, they became violent. I calmly told him to take his time to get sorted out and that I’d catch up with him later. There was only one other classroom, besides the one I should’ve been in, on that end of the school, so I knew where to go/ I didn’t waste any time getting there either. I went in and spoke with the teacher about what had happened. Of course, he claims he didn’t see anything. Well, I decided to give him the opportunity to fix it, or I would. He pointed out to me where the kid had been sitting and then turned around and walked away, stepping into the supply closet. As I then looked at the table across the room, where the teacher had pointed, I saw three guys around it and one empty seat. I quickly made my way over to them and began questioning the three of them. One of them, ironically the smallest of the trio, said that the kid was a homo and freak and needed his ass beat. All I replied with was: “It won’t happen again.” I ended up beating the three of them unconscious, making sure every one of them had a broken nose before I was done.

Like I said, I’m not proud of it. But I didn’t see anyone else doing anything about it. It’s worth mentioning, those three boys, never bullied anyone else in school.

Faith…

As I said before, I don’t consider myself to be pious. But having faith, in some deifined thing or being, has always been a tricky topic for me personally. Several people I know struggle with this very thing. I’m sure many people the world over strive to believe in some higher power. Some do so blindly. There are many zealots out there too, pious to a fault. Don’t misunderstand, I do have faith and follow a religion. Though, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve questioned myself. “Why do I believe this way?” I prefer the tangible. I prefer observable fact.

I’ve seen religion shoved down the throats of the unwilling. I’ve had it in my face more times than I care to recall. It almost seems like everywhere you turn there are people ready and waiting to condemn anyone, even good people, just because they don’t share the same religion. Some religions claim to be an effort of “inclusion” and “acceptance”. Yet, in my experience these, self proclaimed, good, holy men and women of faith, will curse you to the depths the second your back is turned.

I began to question my own beliefs when I saw good and wholesome people, who would do anything to help even a perfect stranger, condemned because they believed differently. So I decided to do some research. I took it upon myself to really learn about religions of the world, at least to gather a basic understanding of them. I dug through books for a couple of weeks and talked to as many people as I could of different cultures and beliefs. Now I won’t claim to be a scholar, by any means. It was remarkably enlightening. It didn’t take me long to start noticing commonalities between several religions. The deeper I looked, the more commonalities I found.

I eventually became so overwhelmed, with this little venture, that I had to take a step back. It was too much to take in without taking a break long enough time to truly contemplate everything I thought I “knew”. I eventually came to the conclusion, who is to say any of us are really wrong? Who is to say any of us really have it right? Maybe, in some strange way, we all believe in the same thing, just in our own unique ways. Why condemn anyone? You could be just as right or just as wrong as they are. I’d resolved to be more open minded. To hear what others have to say as long as it’s presented in a civil manner and if I don’t agree then just leave it at that. Just agree, to disagree. In whatever you believe, do so and be happy. On that I will leave you with this:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952

Analogy of the Sword…

This one comes directly from the book. I can’t tell you how many times remembering this one passage alone has influenced me.

A Samurai once said: “There are only two kinds of willpower: one is within and the other is without. If you don’t show it at the right moment, then it is useless.”

The analogy: When you occasionally draw the sword to wipe it, you had better whet the blade, hold it at eyebrow height, the put the blade back in its sheath. On the other hand, if you always keep your sword out of its sheath and swing it about, then no one will come near you and you will have no friends. But if you keep it always in its sheath, then it will become dull with rust; then people will underestimate you.

Mind you, I’m paraphrasing a bit here as I don't happen to have the book directly in front of me.

It’s all about picking the most opportune moments to speak your mind or do the right thing. Because of my general goofy personality, I’m often underestimated. This often applies to general wisdom and/or overall intelligence. I try not to be misleading by nature but it’s not entirely my fault that other people “assume” these things. Though, when you find that moment, when you say just the right thing with perfect timing, the look of surprise is priceless. It can be a subtle, quiet thing too. When you go just a little out of your way to do something that no one expected you to do, whether it’s the right thing or just needed to be done, the reaction is worth it. All it takes is one time, one well thought action and you won’t be underestimated by them again.

Overpaid Entertainers... (RANT)

This topic will cover more than just sports, just so you know. However, if you're a sports fan and are knee deep in player stats and in love with one team or another, I would strongly advise you not to read this post. I shared this idea with a coworker and he got very angry with me. You've been warned.

First I feel I should address the term: Sports Fan. The word fan, as most of us know being the shorthand word for fanatic.

1. Marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion.

2. Synonymous with: extremist, extreme (or fanatical), rabid, radical, revolutionary, revolutionist, ultra

I could see how this term would adequately suit a good portion of spectators of several major sporting events. But, look at what else the word fanatic is associated with. I don't think I really need to elaborate further.

I've often thought the word enthusiast would be much more appropriate.

1. One who is ardently attached to a cause, object, or pursuit.

I can, to a degree, understand rooting for your favorite player or even your favorite team, particularly if your city is where they call home. But I will never grasp the concept of being so attracted or invigorated by watching a sport being played. I can enjoy it, if I'm the one playing. Otherwise, the attraction is lost on me.

Now, that having been said I'll continue on to my original point.

Most of us are familiar enough with sports to know that players and coaches net a pretty hefty annual salary. But, let's not forget actors and actresses. They to pull in millions and often do so with just one film. Radio show hosts just sit and talk. Talk show hosts don't..really do much, do they? I've thought long and hard on this. Why? Why do they get paid so much? Whether it's an actor or a pro athlete or even a radio show host, they all fit into the same category. They are all entertainers.

Now not all athletes get paid millions, the current lowest being Lane Kiffin of the Oakland Raiders whose salary is $1,250,000. The highest standing currently being: Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts, with a base salary $15.8 million, not including endorsements. Not all actors get paid such massive amounts either, some make as low as $50,000/year. Though, there are many that have made a name for themselves and make far beyond this. Johnny Depp for instance raking in somewhere around $20,000,000/film. But I'm sure most of this is common knowledge. Then there's the talk show and radio show hosts, which make absurd amounts regardless.

Granted with pro athletes and actors there is a chance of sustaining potentially permanent bodily injury. I get that much. The pay, to a degree, is compensation for taxing their bodies to such a degree that later in life it could present complications. Athletes throw their whole body into it. Actors have stunts to perform. Does this by any means justify such outrageous salaries? With radio/talk show hosts, I fail to see where any compensation is warranted. If that's the case what about law enforcement? What about fire fighters? They chose to work in those fields, like everyone else. Yet because they are not there to entertain us, they don't earn as much, is that right? They just put their life on the line nearly every day, that's all.

It makes me angry. Not one entertainer really performs a necessary service that benefits anyone yet the remain grossly overpaid for the job they do. The people out there doing the real work get paid a pittance by comparison. I hope I'm not the only one that gets upset over this. Maybe one day it'll change but I won't hold my breath.

Wow, almost a month since my last post here. For those of you that have noticed or even really care, I work.....a lot. This, also is the main reason I have a difficult time keeping any rp going. It also cuts heavily into any real free time I would have otherwise. Now, mind you, I don't do this entirely by choice. There are certain circumstances that I'm not happy about and have forced me to do this. I won't get into the details of those circumstances here, it's not worth any more thought than I've already given it. I personally don't know anyone that would work 3 jobs of their own volition. I suppose there are some people out there who wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they weren't working every waking hour of nearly every day. I'm not one of those people. Often my down time is spent babysitting or helping a friend, etc. It's safe to say that if fortune smiles upon me and I'm granted a brief respite I take that time to do nothing but relax. Sometimes that relaxation is found through writing but generally any chance I can actually calm my mind and find a quiet, pristine silence, I take it.

Now it's not all bad. Out of the three there is one job I really enjoy and sometimes it's enough to make up for the other two. Several times a week I work at a haunted maze, wherein I'm able to vent much of my pent up frustrations by scaring the shit out of complete strangers. This is extremely gratifying to me. I also have freedom to experiment and move about as I see fit to find the best opportunity to frighten our guests. No time clock, no boss hounding me, just scaring unsuspecting victims back to back for roughly 8 hours. It makes an enormous difference when you actually enjoy what you do for a living.

Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to have what I do. I try not to take anything for granted. Things could be much worse. I could not have a job at all. I'm not complaining about having to work necessarily. Let's just say I'll be more content when things settle back down.

I guess if I could offer anything of use out of this whole post it would be: In whatever you do, do so with everything you have.

Even if you don't enjoy it, if you half ass any job you won't have it for very long. Be thankful for whatever you do have, there are many people out there who probably have it worse than you.

Love...

Ah, a topic I, like so many, have struggled with a time or two. A topic that crosses my mind at least once a day. I think, I could write almost write a book about love but I will strive here to consolidate my efforts.


... The extent of love is limitlessy long when you carry through with your love till death. Even if the other person asks you, "Isn't it this?" (As though to quantify love. "How much do you love me" - "Isn't it that you love me?") You answer her by, "Such a thing has never entered my head."

~Hakagure pg. 61

My mother once said: Love is like a ring, a circle, there is no beginning, no end, it is eternal. No matter how or whom you may love, this remains constant. True love never really ends, never really dies.

I feel, at this point, it is important to note the different kinds of love one can experience, in no particular order:

Love of ones Family
Love of ones Friends
Love of ones Children
Love of ones Mate(s)

The first three I think we are all familiar with to varying degrees. It's the last one that's tricky. Yes, I do believe one can quite easily love more than one person as a mate. We'll just get that out of the way now.

Love is so many, many things. There are seemingly endless poems written about love. I have found, there two things about love that are undeniably true:

1. It can make you or break you.
2. When you're in love you know. You need not say it, announce it, or proclaim it. When you're really there, you just know.

So many people I've seen that "think" they are in love. I say think because they're really not. I see it and it stirs something in me, part of me even becomes a little angry. I can't help but think: OH you really have no idea. This not only applies to the younger demographic, teens and adolescents, I've seen adult men and women behave just as carelessly. Sure, they'll tell you time and again how much they love someone as if all the cosmos and heavenly bodies would come to a screeching halt as they look upon this person. But, when put under the least bit of pressure, it ends, often terribly. This is lust, if anything. Hopefully when it comes crashing down both parties involved learned something valuable from the entire ordeal. Love is not a fragile thing, like a glass waiting to be knocked from the table, hitting the floor only to shatter into millions of pieces. True love can withstand nearly any test.

So, then what does it mean when you are truly in love with someone? It means you've found happiness within them and around them. You become consumed by this quiet desire to make the person you love happy. Often this inspires change in you, if only slightly, sometimes the changes in you are enormous. You find yourself doing things or not doing some things you used to. Not because of some pre-ordained obligation but because you want to, because you love this person. I suppose it's different for everyone but the best way I can describe it is this: A storm raging inside you, fierce and constant but peacfully quiet. It's unlike anything else. There is no thinking you're in love. There is no convincing yourself of it. You'll know.

Like I said, love can make or break you.

Love can be one of the most joyous things in the world. It can make you feel strong enough to take on the entire world. It can fill your soul with joy like you've never known. But, it can also be the most painful and devastating force you'll ever encounter. Enough to break even the strongest spirit.

Have you ever made love to someone when they were just having sex? Have you ever been with someone but loved another? Have you ever had to watch the person you love marry someone else? Or have you even been in love but the other person is absolutely clueless? Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone you love and knew they were thinking about someone else?

I've been unfortunate enough to experience the painful side a time or two.

All it takes is that one time though. when you look into the eyes of someone who loves you, truly loves you and nothing else seems to matter. It's in that very moment, when you know, and everything else just washes away and you're filled to the brim with delight.

Whether you've recently lost your love or just have not found them yet, don't give up. Love has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you're least prepared.

If you have that special someone, take a moment to hold them close and revel in that quiet storm.

Parenting…
- Hakagure. pg. 26

I’ve chosen this topic next with good reason. I saw a man bring his child, whom I assume was between the age of 6-8, to a haunted maze. A haunted maze where we chase guests with chainsaws, frighten them with car sized spiders, and have people waiting in nearly every shadow ready to burst out and frighten whomever passes by. Not to mention the handful of frighteners dressed up as your quintessential horror movies villains, Jason Vorhees, Freddy Kreuger, Leather Face and Michael Myers.

So as I see this man, with child in tow make their way into my area I can’t help but notice the little guy crying. I don’t mean sobbing, I mean absolutely wailing. I was hit with a number of emotions all at once. The main being: absolute fury. I stepped out and completely broke character, taking it upon myself to make sure the boy was alright. Of course no sooner had I stepped out than his father remarked: “You need to man up!” I choked down my anger and talked to the child for a moment, doing whatever I could to calm him.

Finally, after a few moments he was settled and though I offered for them to skip the remainder of the maze the father insisted they continue. I of course had to let them continue, regardless of my own internal objections to the matter. This did however make me think.
I’m not one to really tell anyone how to raise their own child. Everyone raises their child in their own way and to a point that’s fine, as long as the child is not mentally or physically abused.

Excuse, if you would, this outburst. DON’T SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF A TODDLER!

That really, really ticked me off.

However, some would say there are some things every child should fear. I’ve always believed it would be best not to raise children with fear, but rather grant them understanding. Fear breeds cowardice. Teach your children respect. Respect for their parents, respect for authority, respect for their elders and so on. Things that can cause them harm, teach them to understand and have respect for the damage these things can do. Perhaps a gentle, visual aid, nothing graphic of course.

It becomes difficult to handle a critical moment when someone around you can’t handle the situation. By this I mean, someone who panics, panic being derived from fear. When one enters the “Fight or Flight” state of mind, all rational thought becomes irrelevant. If you’ve never dealt with that I warn you now, it’s impossible and they often become another burden to bear.

Show your child the meaning of courage. Instill them with strength of spirit and teach them that anything is possible. Teach them that they can do almost anything if they just apply themselves.

It goes without saying that raising a child or children is not as simple as this. There is so much more to contend with and unfortunately we’re not given an instruction manual upon their birth. As parents we each hope that our children will be better than we are. Tell them of mistakes you’ve made, as life presents them new challenges, and hopefully they won’t have to take the hard road each time. Be sure to tell them about things you wish your parents had warned you about too! But if you instill them with the right principles at a young age, it will carry through for the rest of their lives and maybe, one day, they’ll thank you for it.

An interesting topic to say the least. My son is interesting when it comes to fears. He's an extremely cautious boy, probably too much so that it affects his social behaviors. However, this is just how he is. Naturally. Without intervention or influence. And it's something I've just come to accept about him.

That said, about the haunted house thing. Here, my son has indeed been a curious sort. Back when he was 2 yrs old, we brought him and his sister (a very tiny baby at the time) to a haunted house designed specifically for very small children. Meaning, it took scary themes and made them funny and cute. However, the lighting was still dark and the music still creepy and, for my son, that was enough for him. At that time anyway. As such, we didn't force him to finish. Instead, we escorted him out and had him choose where else he wanted to go on the farm we were visiting that day. Needless to say, he was good after that and had fun the remainder of the day.

However, and here's where it gets rather odd. He wanted to watch 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' with me. I'd set myself up to watch it while he and my daughter were having some dad time in the play room, figuring I could get my movie in while they were occupied yet if they walked in wouldn't be scared off their rocker. Anyway, my son asked to sit with me. I explained what I was going to watch. He wanted to stay. With TNBC being a Disney movie and the like, I determined it would be fine for him to watch. Especially if I let him know something semi scary was going to happen (the scariest probably that last scene with Oogie). Anyhow, he watched the whole thing with me and LOOOOOVED it. He loved it so much that the kid now has a Jack Skellington plush doll that he carries around everywhere! LOLOL.

This little segue into 'horror and scary' for my son was just what he needed too. Something tame and fun and only on tv for him to get a taste of it and see it wasn't real. Anyhow, he loves that movie to pieces now and asks to watch it quite often. Also, because of that movie, he had an ultra blast trick or treating last year. He laughed at the people dressed up all scary like and didn't even flinch at the guy who tried to show him his 'creepy snake' (get this... my son is a MEGA HUGE snake fan now, wanting one for a pet with a desperation I've never before seen, LOL!). And this year, he's been telling me about how excited he is for Halloween. He wants to dress up and see the scary houses! XD

I guess, the thing is this. People need to understand and accept their children for the sorts they are. When introducing them to themes that may be questionable, it's about finding the right way to approach them. A way that won't scare them or make them feel badly. It can take time and, personally, I think I kind of got lucky with the whole Jack Skellington thing. What's most important is that your child feels safe, knows that mommy and/or daddy will be there for them and love them unconditionally, that they won't get mad over things they cannot control or is just a part of the person they are. Those such things are so key when it comes to parenting and, really, bonding with your child.

That said, thanks for sharing this, CK. <3