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Hordes of Revenants

I feel okayish today. On New Years Eve I downed a bottle and a half of champagne to my dome interspersed with lots of 1554 and Trippel.

My Christmas was pretty much awful, further cementing my intense distaste for the holiday. I have been feeling down, which is why I drank so much, I think. Not necessarily as a way to make myself feel better, but because I wanted to really cut loose inhibition and feel ridiculous and I was just feeling too bad. Way too bad.

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and go, "You're a really smart guy--what the fuck are you doing to yourself?" Then I reassure myself. I say things like, "You run thirty miles a week. You lift four times a week. You eat well. You help your friends." But I'm working this fucked-up, minimum wage job at a factory that I hate because it's always cold and the owners are constantly screaming at my boss because they don't understand what the fuck is going on so my boss dumps on the rest of us. Yeah, I like most of the people, but sometimes I want to rearrange the orders on the pallets and just redirect ten tons worth of tofu and tempeh. Just to fuck with them.

At the same time, here I am, trying to deal with the fact I feel like a complete failure because I'm not in college. Yeah, I learn on my own, and I know I can do pretty much anything I want, and I know if I work and continue to live like a creative hermit I can just about afford to go to college without any debt, but this is just so irritating. The only times I feel really happy is when I'm kicking someone. Which, honestly, I shouldn't be learning how to do so well. This is just going to end poorly.

Oh, and my taste in women is, as ever, completely atrocious. It's like I've got a little radar for completely incompatible or completely fucked-up and I home in on that. I should make a questionnaire.

1) Do you have a drug problem?

2) Do you feel violence is the solution to your problems?
a. If yes, do you resort to emotional or physical violence most often?

3) Are you going absolutely nowhere except an early grave?

4) Is your sole purpose in life, "Get fucked-up?"

5) Are you politically apathetic unless your conservatism is crossed by a jot of counter argument?

6) Does your religion permit the mistreatment of women and children?

7) Do you regularly commit felonies?

If you've answered yes to four or more questions, feel free to join the ZG Express!
 
So a lot's happened since I last made an entry here. A lot of which has had to do with my spur of the moment move six hundred miles north to a real city. I got rid of five-sixths of my shit, said my goodbyes a couple days before I moved and proceeded to shock the shit out of most of my friends.

It only really occurred to me based off the responses I got how well... I don't know? Respected/liked I am. Everyone I talked to was actually sad to see me go. They all told me I could do anything I wanted and they really meant it. It's moments like those I'm reminded that I actually am someone with a lot of potential. The problem is, the place I lived before, it was really comfortable. I knew a whole lot of people, could get everything from car repair to medical care cheap due to personal connections, but I was not really going anywhere. Best bet? Apprentice to a carpenter I know and die old with one of my friends who's never left the town.

But I ripped off the bandaid and hit the road and I'm in somewhere big now. It's nice. Okay. So I am renowned for being bad at breaking up with people. I've been trying for the last month to break up with the latest lady friend. Really hard. But every time I went over to her place I got distracted because she's really funny and entertaining on a variety of levels. Also, those green eyes? Like black holes.

Anyways.

I told her I was moving the night beforehand. She took it in stride. She took it really well. Took me out to breakfast the next morning. We hung out for hours, she paid for my meal, and after I protested she literally said, "You're deucin', dude, you gotta save." I face palmed and was like, "Alright."

Anyways. All ten people I said good-bye to took it really well. The other seventy or so I didn't plan to punch me when I next visit. Fuck 'em. I don't give a shit about 'em. If they wanted a goodbye they should have given me more face time or some shit. Been upfront about, "ZG's an important part of my life blah blah blah I'm emotionally fragile blah blah blah."

Anyways. I guess what I'm trying to say is: it's a change for the better. I like it a lot.
 
I commend you for doing this. It's tough to make such a move, but I promise you it's sooo worth it! And from the sounds of it, you're already loving it and happy you made the change. And yes. You do have potential, you will make something of yourself. You have so many choices before you that all you have to do now is choose with path to take. Regardless of which one, I'm confident it'll be a road well worth traveled. :)

<333
 
Soooo, I kinda pulled a disappearing trick. But I got a new job so I've essentially been doing a bunch of stuff.

Highlights

- Surprisingly, there are nearly zero Muay Thai gyms in this city. I was pretty unstoked. But, y'know, whatever. So I found one. I called the guy who ran it up over the phone, name dropped the guy who I studied under, and worked it out so that I could show up a couple times to get a feel for the place free. I showed up early in the morning, got in the area about an hour and fifteen early, did some Qi Gong to get limbered up and was at the gym fifteen minutes early.

It was really sketchy. There were guys there who probably shouldn't have been learning martial arts. They weren't doing it socially, or for funsies, or for work or sports related reasons; they were there to hurt people. On the one hand, yeah, the reason I look for martial arts is because it allows me to kick people in the face and conversely get my ribs broken. But we're talking the whole range of shitty prisons tattoos and mean people. I didn't go back after the first time.

- New job.

- Closing sale at a used book store. Basically, perfect.

- Nearly saw a dude get hit by a bus.

- Found nerds!
 
Daisy: we weren't before?

After talking to one of my old coworkers from a few years at my first real job* I finally caved and have decided to move away from hard striking stuff to something a little more cerebral. It'll also be interesting to go into Brazilian Jiu Jutsu because, in Muay Thai, I'm cruiserweight--that's the zone between light heavyweight and heavyweight.

Cruiserweight is kind of a fucked-up weight class, in my opinion. Note: this is solely my opinion and I am not the sole or primary arbiter of fact. This is why: weight classes (World Boxing Association, which Muay Thai in the US is pegged to as rule of thumb) from light flyweight to light heavyweight consists of increments of three to six pounds between each class. On the other hand, there is a range of twenty-five pounds within cruiserweight. E.g. bantamweight is 116 to 118 pounds, super lightweight is 126 to 130 pounds, light heavyweight is 169 to 175 pounds. Cruiserweight, on the other hand, is 176 to 200 pounds.

That made Muay Thai interesting. I could be sparring with someone who, legitimately within my weight class, was nearly fifteen pounds lighter than me, or someone who was ten pounds heavier. This can make a big difference when your go-to is kicking someone as hard as you can. For me this was occasionally difficult. I am five foot ten. Most of the men around my weight category are six foot two and up. But I digress. It is time to circle back to the point.

I found a play that teaches BJJ for a fair price, just a little bit less than what I was paying before. $2.17 per hour, rounding up, for the Muay Thai versus $2.08 per hour, rounding up, for BJJ. Plus the class size will be about a third and the instructors are competitive and have legit histories I've independently verified. Though I have to buy a gi. Even when I factor in the capital investment of the special outfit the price differential still weighs in my favor after four months. I already have grappling shorts, so that's not an issue.

In Muay Thai I could say that an instructor one-on-one'd with me about fifteen minutes per hour and a half session in a group of about thirty, given there were three instructors in the session. Assuming that the two instructors for the new BJJ gym distribute themselves among the average number of members that show to a class (site says 10-12 so we'll call it 11) that means over 120 minutes each student should be getting a little more than twenty minutes.

Long Story Short

Fucking. Score. Even better deal than the Muay Thai gym run by a radical socialist. Next I will find out the unquantifiable...

drum roll

What the community is like.

* There is a period of time I have difficult recalling with clearly lucidity. Basically, I was drunk the entire time. The job in question fell within that period. I was somewhat reliably sober for it. There were a few times I was unexpectedly called in for a shift. On one notable occasion I spent the first hour and a half leaned up against the wall because I couldn't stand straight. However, I was not the most spectacularly drunk in the kitchen. Or high. Or pugnacious. My boss was the adult version of Charlie Brown--he even wore a t-shirt with orange and black horizontal bands.
 
I have been asked to do a ConCrit thread about fist fighting 'n whatnot. I am working on it.

It is kicking my ass.

So far I have two quick and dirty rules.

- Close combat is not rock-paper-scissors.

- Technical fighters are fucking terrifying.

I think most of the reason it is kicking my ass is because I don't like putting myself in a position to speak authoritatively on a position I do not view myself as an expert in. I mean, I've only studied three martial arts, all of them from Southeast Asia. BJJ will be my first foray into something that is not from China or Thailand. Most of what I've studied is both hard striking and steeped in tradition.

Though, in nothing else I have an, I think, bitchin' title for the thread that may just carry my floundering.
 
Oh, right, so I got kicked out my BJJ club. They are disinterested in buying back my gear. Gi with personalized embroidery: $55. Belt: $35. Wife beater: $8.99. One month of unlimited session membership: $85. Accidentally breaking someone's hand with your knee: priceless.

However, that time surplus lead to this: I'm starting my own business on top of my jobs. Have seven confirmed retail outlets in the area, four more showed interest. Made of rock sauce.

I am being a bad influence on a couple of my coworkers.

Just finished A History of the Arab Peoples by Albert Hourani and Malise Ruthven. Right up there with Michael Oren's Power, Faith and Fantasy for both being intensely interesting and informative. Instead of comparing the A History of the Arab Peoples to a book about the history of the US in the Middle East, it is better to say that I prefer the book in question to Bernard Lewis' inimitable The Middle East. It's got a hundred ish pages more content and also contains good scholarly sources and proper citation.

Also, the Black Library submission window opens in May. I'm goin' for it.

I can't stop listening to this album it's Harriet's fault.
 
Oh.

And. And.

And.

On the subject of my little, itty bit teeny weeny business. As ickle and infantile and sweetly tiny as it is.

I have an investor!

Oooooon top of that, I figured out how to turn a two month process into a fifty-four hour process. This allows me to do a lot more and keep a fresher stock.

So.

In.

Love.

With.

Life.

Today.
 
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