"Truth or happiness, never both."

I don't care to rant about my rl problems here so this'll strictly be for rp purposes and/or discussing my chars/plots. It'll also be a nice heads up for people if I'm taking time off or busy or experiencing writer's block. Let's start us off with the current problem at hand, my favourite character ever. His name's Brady. D;

I'm back to square one, having to rediscover Brady and how he functions when it comes to new relationships with people. It's especially difficult when it's sexual. Seeing as how he's the only character I've ever made who's strong enough to guide me as opposed to the other way around, all I'm getting from him right now is uncertainty which probably translates in my posts. ;[ How do you go from being head over heels in love and planning on spending the rest of your life with someone to oh, I'm alone again. Guess I'll take what I get. It's frigging hard to deal with and therefore, it's frigging hard to write. You go from having one solid rp partner for half a year to a bunch of different people and who knows if it'll stick. I have my moments of 'ooooh this is good' to 'god damn idk how to deal with that' ); Things were easier before. I'm having to pick up at an awkward time and I can't do anything but be true to the characters that I write so if Brady seems hesitant or off or distant to you, he is. I'm hoping it gets to a point where he finds something solid in his life again but until then...

wedjkwejkdnjwkednkjed

That's my little rant. MEH. If he's struggling, I'm struggling. Just how it is. .__.;

BUT. Don't worry, peeps. I'm totally working on my posts. I don't promise quality but I promise something.

What's with me and angsty plots? It's like a sadder version of a beautiful mind. Poor Jamie. His "peace of mind" isn't real. )': I'm such a masochist. I love/hate angsty plots.

Anyway, that's Jamie. He's my schizophrenic rich kid. I admit I'm a lot more fond of him than I was a few weeks ago but only because the plot has gone from 'Jake is a sexual sadist' to 'Jake is the best thing that's ever happened to him'. :B

I need to stop staying up past 3. My eyes are developing that raccoon look again. I blame her for being awesome. :B And him for making me hopeful. I'm in that horrid place where I'm favouring certain rps over others and that's cruel. :\ I owe people responses. They've been waiting. Meeeeh.

I think this a brilliant way to get to know my rp characters if you're too lazy to go through f-list. It's certainly interesting. Feel free to steal if you like. :3 The survey, not my characters. >_> Unless you wanna rp with them. That I can be talked into. |D

Step 1: List 10 of your characters.
Step 2: Answer these questions!

1. Lex Ramone - My druggie rockstar who also happens to be a daddy and the second coming of Christ (no srsly).
2. Brady Fitzgerald - THE GREATEST PERSON EVER. kno. My genius but snarky deception expert. <3
3. Carter Lloyd - My caring, over-protective homicide detective.
4. Jamie Ward - An upper-class teenager with schizophrenia who only thinks his lover is real. ):
5. Ray Hailstone - Another snarky deception expert. Genius psychologist and older than anyone on this list. :3
6. Marcel - The passionate and rebellious loup-garou.
7. Jack Lawson - An 10th grade history teacher/dad who also happens to be HIV positive.
8. Aleksander Depp - Wealthy mad scientist/politician. Sadistic bastard.
9. Jade Austin - Works with deception! Yay, another psychologist. <3
10. Vinnie Russo - Son of an Italian Don. Asexual. Hot.

~

Four invites Three and Eight to dinner at their house. What happens?

Well, Jamie is a schizophrenic but fairly rich teenager. He's from some unknown small town. Not sure how he'd get hold of a NYPD homicide detective (Carter) and a mad scientist/politician (Depp) from Tokyo. But let's say this does happen, I imagine conversation with Carter would go over very well as he's a polite, caring guy who would probably notice Jamie's quiet mannerisms and inner turmoil. As for Dr. Depp, well, he'd have to do practice a lot of willpower to keep from carrying Jamie off for experimentation. And Carter would be weirded out by him. << If everyone behaves, it can be a decent dinner but a very awkward one all the same.

Nine tries to get Five to go to a strip club. How?

...LOL UH. It's kinda funny because Jade got interested in microexpressions after reading Ray's books! Well, it depends on the timeline. If they're at that point where she's working for Brady, it might be a little better but still very awkward. I can't imagine why she'd ask but she'd probably mull over it forever and then just come out with it, much to the amusement of Ray who is a total arse but we love him for it. <3

You need to stay at a friend's house for the night. Who do you choose, One or Six?

Definitely one. Lex is a total sweetheart AND he's rich. Marcel is a loup-garou surrounded by other bloodthirsty creatures who would probably kill me. o___o

Three falls in love with Six, Eight is jealous. What happens?

Okay, ignoring the fact that Marcel's kind don't exist in Carter's world... UH. I don't know why Dr. Depp would be jealous?! I imagine he'd kidnap Carter and either torture him to death or have his goons off him. He's got money and he ain't afraid to use it. 'course, if Marcel got wind of it he might just come after the ole doctor, depending on how he feels about Carter.

Four jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue, Ten, Two or Seven?

...I don't know why someone like Jamie would jump me but Vinnie's the son of a mob boss so he couldn't give a shit about what happens to me. I think both Brady and Jack would come to rescue me. Of course, Brady would probably get us in even bigger shit with that big mouth of his (or somehow talk his way out of it, genius that he is) and Jack may not be very imposing but he's a good guy. He'd do what he could.

One decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what is happening?

Lex: *holding a pan. Looks out into the audience.*

15 minutes later

Crickets: *chirp*

o_o My boy can't cook.

Three has to marry either Eight, Four or Nine. Whom do they choose?

Definitely Jade. I mean, sure Carter's bi and all but he does have a female preference. Besides, Jade is closer to his age, beautiful as all hell and frankly, a lot saner than Dr. Depp or Jamie...

Seven kidnaps Two and demands something from Five for Two's release. What is it?

Brady's been kidnapped again?! Curses! I have no idea why someone as sweet as Jack would kidnap Brady but it makes sense that he'd demand something from Brady's uncle for his release. Yes, Ray is Brady's uncle. Uhhh, well Ray has money. I guess he'd demand money. o__o Don't know what else Jack could possibly want besides a cure for his HIV.

Everyone gangs up on Three, does Three have a chance in hell?

Carter's a homicide detective but 9 against 1? Pft. Bitch is deaaaaaaad. ;P

Everyone is invited to Two and Ten's wedding, except for Eight. How do they react?

...LOL Brady marrying a criminal. How ironic. Vinnie's Asexual. He'd have no interest but let's play along. Dr. Depp isn't invited! Surprise, surprise. ;P Assuming he cared, he'd probably hold a grudge and plot their demise. He's just that kind of guy...

Why is Six afraid of Seven?

BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE. ?!?! K no. Uh. I have no idea why a wolf would be afraid of a poor high school teacher with HIV. .__. Maybe he's under the false assumption that he'll catch it?!

One arrives late for Two and Ten's wedding. What happens and why were they late?

He's either drunk or high or both. Lex has a habit of being late. And losing his cellphone. And being adorable. It'd also be a major headfuck since Lex and Brady appear identical. >_> I'm sure Brady would use his words (bad) and Vinnie wouldn't (worse).

Five and Nine get roaring drunk and end up in your house. What happens?

Hahahaha. Two deception experts drunk in my house. They'd probably join my dad and start reading everyone in the house. Jade might reveal things she wants to keep hidden (likehercrushonBrady) and Ray... Well, Ray's bad enough sober. Intoxicated? D: Yikes.

Nine murders Two's best friend. What does Two do to get back at them?

JADE MURDERED BEN?! BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. D: Brady would be stunned that a colleague murdered sweet Benny. ;_____; But it makes sense sorta... I mean, if Jade was a psychotic bitch. They both have strong feelings for Brady. But murdering the godfather of his baby... ;o; I bet Brady would get her locked up. He couldn't bring himself to hurt her. He'd be too messed up considering all the people he's already lost. :\

Six and One are in mortal danger, only one of them can survive. Does Six save himself or One?

Marcel isn't really a bad guy. It's difficult to say. I mean, he'd probably try and save them both but if not... Eh. His mom died. He might just go out heroically. o;

Two and Three go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do?

Survive off semen! I wish. ;D Well, Carter's pretty handy and Brady's a genius. Between those two, they could find food. Fishing, hunting, that sorta thing. And that semen option is always good. Gives Brady a reason to practice giving head and it'll be nice to see him with a detective again. .__. *sigh*

The first and last thing required of genius is the love of truth.

Last night I came across a female rper who used mentions of depression and suicide to get me to rp with her. I've never been guilt-tripped so hard in my life. I couldn't even say no because I don't want her misery riding on my conscience. But apparently not having a Brady to interact with depresses people. I don't know whether to be flattered or disturbed.

I'll go for both. God bless that poor girl. She clearly has a lot of issues to work through. As for me, I'm either really nice or just completely spineless. I'll go with the latter. =P

I feel disgustingly awful. .__.

So while I sneeze up a storm, I have been asked about this family of angry Irishmen. Granted, the video can only tell you so much but there's a lot of drama there. You'll also find Svana (Brady's mum), Evanna (Brady's daughter), Alessa (Sean's ex), Danny (Brady's ex), Sergeant Brennan and whole lot of Irish mobsters. :B Along with the rps, I fully intend on making this an actual story some day... When I'm not so lazy. >_>; All the same, I really enjoy them. :B

*sneeze* x_o

If I'm slow in replying to rps, my bad. I'm hypnotized by that golden hair. Frigging blondes. Beautiful. );

But yeah. Rps. Might be slow. I've got too many for my own good. P= I'll get around to them eventually. :]

Seriously. It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be weeks from now. I'm easily the most unpredictable/unreliable rp partner you'll ever find. You really have to exercise patience with me. My muse is very tricky and sometimes I'm super pumped and really wanna write and sometimes it's just blaaaah.

I'm not accusing anybody of being impatient or w/e, I'm just explaining myself so people aren't surprised if they end up waiting weeks. I would totally understand and not be upset if I was ditched because someone got tired of waiting. =P Just giving everyone fair warnings.

Cool.

Taking a long ass break from the site. Forum/pm rping is too much for my short attention span right now. If you need me, you can always find me on aim and I will likely indulge you there. I've always said that I prefer aim rping and I guess it's true. D; </3 Anyway, I apologise to the people I was rping with. =I Toodles for now.

I'm back-ish. I guess I'm willing to pick up some rps. Currently have my hands tied with other commitments and such but I'm always willing to try shit out. In any case, I hate my username. =P

Yanno, it isn't that I don't want to rp, but when you find someone who literally takes care of every craving you have... It's hard to stray. But being an rp partner comes after being a friend and Sara's one of my best and I'm super happy God brought her to me. <3

Brady's still developing (like he'd ever stop) and we've moved from post-Drady to the beginning of 'Grady'. It's an entirely new era with some borrowed concepts but in the end, Gabriel will prove to be better for him.

Gabriel reminds me a lot of Alcide from True Blood. Big and tan and sweet as pie. Just a big ole teddy bear. =P Those are the best kind. Ever find a man like that, hold onto him.

On another note, William Beckett is another Jonne for me. He's almost too cute to function. His face makes me smile so hard. I <3 him.

Okay, that's it. <_< Updating this thing is rare but thar we go. Me talking about a bunch of things no one knows/cares about it. S'okay. I care. |D

I guess by now it's obvious that I'm practically jizzing over Game of Thrones. I've managed to start a couple of rps based on it but I want more. I pretty much like all the characters besides the Lannister twins and Joffrey and such.

To be fair, I only really got into it because of Sean Bean. I love me some Sean Bean but it's super engaging and I'll give the series a read when I have the time. And if it weren't disgustingly incestuous and wrong, Robb Stark/Jon Snow would be awesome. Then again, I haven't read the flipping books. They keep saying how Jon is the supposed son. I don't know. I have no theories. I just know that if they're considered half brothers, then no incest. ): And pairing Robb with Theon is ick because Theon is hideous and annoys me.

IN ANY CASE.

I want more Game of Thrones rps. >P Gimme a Jon Snow and I probably will jizz. But I like all the chars.

That is all.

Because sometimes you never get over that one person but it helps when you have someone there to ease the pain.

-Grady

It's true. If I make one more horcrux and split Brady's soul, he'll turn into the dark lord. :O! But I can't help it? He's so fun to AU. Like, first there was True Blood!Brady. Just your average human kid with a Southern accent who happened to become vampire bait for Gabriel. Ooh la la, right~?

Then there was Game of Thrones!Brady who was/is an orphan turned brother of the Night's Watch and constantly shagging my favourite bastard and yours... Jon Snow.

And then there was Modern Game of Thrones!Brady who was essentially a foster kid who happened to be in a relationship with Jon Snow.

And now... Well, there's Spree Killing!Brady who is easily the darkest/craziest. I don't know if I would classify him as a 'good guy' since he kills seemingly innocent people for a twisted sense of revenge and a sexual thrill. I haven't yet decided in my head who ought to be his partner in crime. Gabe isn't my character to au and besides, he's just such a sweetie I can't picture it. Ben would be an interesting option because it would be the complete opposite of what he is. Jon would be hilarious because he's got such a cute face and then he goes and shoots someone in the head. lol :B Didn't see THAT coming, said the corpse.

Theon would be a good choice, I think. He certainly has no qualms in killing and maybe he would be the one to convert Brady. Take a broken kid and give him a gun. Show him how to get even and how to like it.

Boom.

o: I dunno. So many options. I do want to write it but I'm torn between rp and story. :x Stories are faster and you sort of go where you want to go with it but rps last longer (most of the time) and oh god idk. D: *indecisive*

I'll never understand how anyone can dislike that face. D: I mean, I get people have opinions of their own but he's such a darling. .________.; That's the kind of face I'd like to cradle to my chest and love and adore forever.

He's so cute. I just wanna hug him and tell him all my problems. P= Idc I loved Kit Harington the second I saw him on screen and he can look as sullen or tired or dead as he likes and I'll still think he's beautiful. It's those dark soulful/puppy dog eyes and the adorable curls. Even with the facial hair he's a doll.

He's just so cute I can't kjqwdnsqwksnqwksnqwksw

On that note, I have a Jon Snow. I want/need another. :B For rp purposes, yes. The idea of rewriting Brady all over again isn't bad or I could just completely change his story around though his secret family relations are rather interesting... o: I dunno. Depends on the plot/who I write with. But I need another Jon Snow. Or I guess Kit Harington in any shape or form because I <3 him. o_o We're talking pbs. Not the actual actor himself because playing people irl isn't my thing. =x But using him as a pb is something I support/encourage and I'll probably love you forever and ever if you happen to take it upon yourself to do this.

SO THERE'S MY PLUG/PLEA/DESPERATION/FANGIRLISM

|D

"You look like an angel when you sleep.

"Have you ever seen an angel?"

"No."

"Rendering your comparison invalid."

"Why do you have to make it so hard to say I love you?"

"You just said it."

"You know what I mean."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence."

"Would you just listen to me?"

"I am listening."

"But you're not hearing me."

Pause.

"...is it really that hard to say I love you?"

"Where you're concerned? Not at all."

"So you lied."

"What? You couldn't tell?"

"Touché."

That awkward moment when you realise nothing can replace Drady because it was just too damn good and nothing will ever come close to it.

=/ Oh Danny. We miss you.

;_________;... Daddy loves you bby.

9 months. 9 months and I'm still not over it. Sometimes I feel like he isn't letting me get over it. Like if I stopped using him or set him aside that I'd stop caring all together, but also stop caring about him and find something new and that's a scary thought.

Like, at what point does one stop caring? Do you ever? I just know that most days I'm okay and then an ep of CSI: NY will come on or I'll hear that blasted holding on and letting go song and I'll be in tears because I can never get back what I lost because I'm a fucking moron.

And I try desperately to find new things and just replace what I had and fill the gaping void that person left behind but I can't? I tried it with borphan and it was nice but yanno, I was saying from the beginning that it was gonna fail. My fault. It's always my fault.

And then there's Jatin. Here's me trying to cling to it like yeaaaaaaaaah this could be my new thing yeaaaaaaaaah. lol =x Nope? Not Breon. Not even Grady.

Nothing.

I hate it. I hate that I fuck up every friendship I have because I'm too proud to go back and say "I forgive you". And when I finally do come to my senses and swallow my pride, it's too late. They no longer give a shit and you're left reminiscing and wishing you hadn't done what you did. Or rather, that you had done something. Fixed it while you could. And all you can do is try to move on and hope that some day soon this ridiculous hurt will just go the fuck away because seven hells enough is enough.

9 fucking months and it still cuts deep.

If I had just accepted the fucking apology and forgiven them, I wouldn't be writing this out. I owe everything that he is to that person because he developed as a result of that person's skill and devotion to what we had.

Right now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and find the remaining ones. Sometimes I think I have and sometimes I'm sure I'm just kidding myself and should just quit the internet while I still can.

I fucked with perfection and I can't go back. I'm just sitting here hoping against hope that something else comes along. Something that'll make me forget that there ever was a time where I felt this crappy.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

And now that I'm done emoing, I'd like to say that goldfish crackers are fucking boss.

"I shake people up until they lose control and forget to hide their emotions. Not the same as bullying at all."

"Evanna has lost her virginity."
"Lost it?"
"Well, misplaced it, you know."

"Why did I have to have a daughter, a lippy daughter?"

"Every genius has his weakness, genius."

"One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy."

"You know some people it's easier to tell when they stop lying more than when they start."
"How can you tell when I stop lying?"
"You shut your mouth."

"I'm willing to bet the well-being of my left testicle that that woman wanted a pet piranha as a child."

"My fat don't collect."

"Your face and my ass, Fitzgerald."
"Your wife said the same thing last night."

"When are you gonna stop calling me detective?"
"When you start calling me Brady."

"God, you're so-"
"You finish that sentence with tight and no one's getting lucky tonight."
"...smart?"

"I'm Irish. I don't need a reason to be piss drunk."

"You were the best news I ever got. Still are."

"Daddy...?"
"Oh god, what do you want?"

"That's it. Drop and give me 20."
"How low do you want me to go, coach?"

"Detention, Fitzgerald."
"The title of my autobiography, you reckon?"

"I have an IQ of 191 but I can't find my own prostate. Do you see how the world works now?"

Taking a break from bm. Too many rps on too many other sites. Head will 'splode. x_x Till then. <3