Walking Home (Decadence and Candira)

Her heart stopped when his arms wrapped around her waist and he kissed her. It was so brief that it was almost hard to imagine that it had happened. But he'd been so gentle and tender with her. As easily as she could switch from sweet to feisty, he'd managed to go from panicked, to brave, to relieved, to sorry, and back to sweet. And he made her another promise. Smiling softly, she relaxed in his arms and let the world around her mellow out again. He liked helping her feel safe, and she liked the way he could do it without even really trying. And she began to realize that she cared about him more than she really cared to admit--mostly because she couldn't explain it.

Now, she looked up at him again and looked into his green eyes and slowly, gently kissed him one more time, lingering there for a bit longer than she'd intended. "Thank you for saving me again. I guess I really am Helen of Troy, huh?" She chuckled and calmly stroked the side of his face in a tender gesture. "I have no idea how I'm going to make all of this up to you."

The short kiss took him by surprise. He hadn't expected it from her, and it made it that much more difficult for him not to think about returning another one. Instead, he kept his lips close to hers, feeling the energy surge through him like electric currents, and painful memories being unearthed and healed at that very same time.

She had returned his kiss.

He blinked, remembering that time when he last tried to kiss her. This time, while there were no swaying trees bristling from the breeze of Spring, there was a real, tangible reason to, and there was also a warm response. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers, pulling her waist in.

"You're more than Helen of Troy. You're Sophia Renard," he said, lingering before her. Wasn't Helen a blond? He always liked redheads more, anyway. He still couldn't believe she had returned his kiss. So many other women have kissed him all these years, yet, amongst them all, the one he received that very moment seemed to be the only one that really counted.

His nose brushed against hers. "You don't have to," he replied, savoring the moment.

She watched his face, finding pleasure and surprise written there. She smiled softly and let him hold her closer, rather enjoying the way he reacted to it all. She let him rest his forehead against hers, closing her eyes for a moment too. She smiled at his response to her Helen statement and rubbed her nose back against his a little. And the fact that he didn't want anything in return for all that he'd done for her pushed her in again. One last time, she smiled and kissed his lips softly, sweetly, letting him savor the moment--doing a little of that herself.

Caressing her waist in silence, he felt that tender press of her lips again. Oh my God, was that another one? The touch lingered, like warm ambrosia on a dying man's lips. He was definitely dreaming now, but it had been real at the very same time. Even when it was such a fleeting moment, it was enough to keep him warm for years. If they kissed again, then he surely wouldn't know what would happen to his heart. How could you over-mend a wounded heart anyway? How would you be sure what would happen?

His lips moved over hers, prolonging the kiss by adding another, nibbling her, rolling cold silver wherever his piercing touched.

Her arms moved around his neck and she smiled softly into the kiss. She returned the tenderness and emotion he showed her. Sophie remembered the last time he'd tried to kiss her, and how she hadn't known what to think or feel. But now, whether she wanted to admit it or not, she had feelings for him that were now impossible to deny. When a man literally saves your life, you don't get to pretend anymore. So this was it...they were more than just friends.

She blushed softly as he let his lips linger, stealing another kiss from her. Sophie let him nibble on her lips, shivering just a bit as she felt the cool piercing against her lips. And to think his lip had been swollen just a few days ago. She felt guilty about that even now, but she supposed that this kiss might have made it worth the pain...if only a little. Her arms pulled him a little closer and she kissed him back before slowly pulling away, heart still beating fast in her chest. She wasn't sure what to say to him, so she just looked up at him and watched him.

Breathing heavily, eyelids half closed, Keith looked like he was in a trance. When she pulled her lips back, he only felt the urge to follow through, as though a mysterious force reeled him in. But she had pulled away, and he stopped just short of her mouth again, panting while his heart quivered in his chest from the moment and the high of the drugs. He may have been a porn star, but he was a virgin again, savoring that kiss as though it had been his first. In a way, it really was his first kiss.

"That...was amazing," he whispered. Strands of long hair covered his left eye. He didn't bother to move it away, since that would spoil the moment he was feeling gazing into her gray eyes, never growing tired of guessing which color they looked like now. Right now, they were the color of beautiful.

It was like she was dreaming. Her entire body felt warm and safe and calm. He was holding her the way she'd always hoped to be held. Her various other boyfriends had never shown her such reverence, and she'd never felt the same kind of connection to them as she felt when she kissed Keith. When she was in his arms it felt more wonderful than it had ever felt to be in anyone else's arms. She smiled softly, staring up into his green eyes, thinking the hair in front of his eye was cute.

The whispered words made her smile grow. "It was," she said softly. Now, however, she had no idea how to end the moment or continue. It was nice to just enjoy him like this. Soon, however, she just leaned up and kissed his cheek, pulling away from him so there was a bit of space between them. "We should...dinner..." she said softly, her stomach growling for emphasis. She laughed and then put her face in her hand as she walked into her kitchen.

Keith let her back away from him, never letting his gaze wander from her as she did so. The sound of her stomach growling rudely interrupted the mood, but it brought out a chuckle from him. "I think that would be good to...dinner," he said, smiling. He turned over towards the kitchen. He hurriedly grabbed her hand, rushing her there like a little boy at the amusement park.

"Oh, would hamburgers be amazing right now!" he said, eyes widening. Apparently, he was still rushing off the cocaine. For a moment, he wondered if that was the reason why she decided not to kiss him further. It was understandable, considering her apparent anti-drug standpoint, and the fact that she may have been the kind of person who liked to take things really slow. He'd mind as well ask.

"Sophie," he said, dropping a sack of buns on the counter. "Did my...cocaine use turn you off back there?"

Taking the meat from the fridge, she looked up at him and blinked as he asked her about his coke usage. Pausing for a moment to think, she set the meat down and looked at him. "You know...I wasn't thinking of it just now. But I guess it kind of does. If you think about it, it's kind of like kissing someone who's drunk, but without the bad breath." She frowned and opened the cupboard to her left to pull out some spices for the meat. She looked up at him and tilted her head. "I don't like to know that you do coke because it's so dangerous. Seeing you do it in front of me was actually scary. And I'm kind of pissed that you did it on my coffee table--it was my grandma's. But at this point...I don't know. It's not really okay, but it's not like I'm just going to drop you. I like you too much, damn it."

Then she pulled a bowl down from her cupboard and showed him where the grill she used was. "If you want to get that ready, go for it."

As he listened to her, he plugged the grill in, turning on the heat so it could warm up. He didn't like hearing her sound so concerned, and he could detect it in her tone. "And I like you too much as well," he said. "If it makes you feel any better, I haven't been using it for that long, and I when I did, I never shot up often." He then looked at her. "I think a lot of it had to do with helping me cope with life without people like you."

"I told you about my parents splitting right after I moved out," Keith said. He took a step closer to her so he could be ready to get the meat into the grill. He was standing right next to her now, his arm brushing against hers. "I had a lot of friends that I could count on at the time, but even then, they were people who were so different from the people I once knew. Like, people like you, or my family." He said. "People I grew up with."

She smiled at him and nudged him a little. "Well, it does make me feel a little better, but I still wish you wouldn't do it at all." She dumped the meat into the bowl and tossed in some salt, pepper, and garlic, before putting the spices away and mixing it in with her hands. "But I guess it makes sense why you would when you put it that way. I wish I would have...I wish I could have been there when you needed me. I know I haven't exactly been the nicest person in the world, but I like to think that I could have been some kind of support." She sighed a little and then started to roll the meat into balls to be squished into patties by the grill.

"You can make some of these too," she said. "But wash your hands first please." It was so sad to think that she could have been a part of his life when he'd really needed her and she wasn't. She wasn't there for him at all over the years and part of it was his fault...but a lot of it was hers too. Still, at least he had someone. "It's still not okay, but I guess it makes sense now. Still, you're better than that, I think. You don't need drugs to deal with the past. You just have to take it for what it is and face it. Just remind yourself--that's not who I am now and I can be better. It's what I do." She shrugged and formed another ball, setting it on the plate she'd had the meat package sitting on earlier.

He turned on the faucet, rinsing his hands with the liquid dish soap and water. "Let's talk about that gap, Sophie. I think we're ready to confront the past," Keith said, grabbing the meat and doing the same thing she was doing to it. "I know a part of you is still mad at me. I know I still feel the same way too."

He wasn't sure whether it was a good time to suddenly bring all of this up, since he realized that these things had to be worked into, rather than jumped to, but he was willing to give it a shot. "You were always so angry and quiet back in High School, and so it made you easy to pick on," he said. "It carried over from Jr. High, which is where most of it started."

She frowned and sighed, setting another ball down. "Well, you didn't exactly make it easy for me to be anything but angry, you know? You were always picking on me, and it didn't feel like it was fair because you already knew which buttons to push. You really hurt me a lot, you know?" She frowned, remembering how betrayed she'd felt when he turned into her personal tormentor over those years. "I had to strike back, but it never seemed like enough or like it bothered you, you know? It was like you wanted me to fight with you and I just hated it. I was quiet because...well, nobody seemed to like me after that..." She frowned and looked up at him. Knowing that she'd hurt him deeply didn't really make the years after forgivable...but she'd understood part of it.

"You just seemed like you hated me, so it only seemed natural to reciprocate." She sighed and then went to the sink to let him finish the burger patties while she washed her hands.

Keith picked up a ball of the beef patty, carefully laying it onto the grill. They sizzled over the ribbed, anti-stick surface. After laying out an entire row of them, he clamped the grill down, pressing them flat. As he stared at the steaming grill, he thought about the past, remembering how uncomfortable he must have made her feel back then. He really had been mean to her.

They would call her Sophia Retard. Keith had come up with the idea, and while it was funny at the time, it hurt him a lot inside calling her that. His old memories of her had been more potent and fresh than they were now, but so was the hate which they had been converted to. He never really went further than the name-calling and light bullying, but he was still spiteful about it.

He remembered starting a rumor about her being a lesbian. Everybody at school believed it, and it may have had a number of girls interested in her as a result. He even deterred a guy from asking her to the Prom. Out of sheer malevolence and perhaps some form of jealousy, he "informed" the guy that he was her date for the prom, which made him immediately cancel his plans to ask her out. Chuckling, Keith would do that to every guy who was interested in Sophie, while he skipped the Prom himself. That shit was never meant for him, anyway. He heard that she did attend, but he wasn't sure if she had gone stag or not.

Of course, she had been a bitch to him in High School, and it only made their relationship even worse. Come to think of it, it was a miracle they were even standing here together like this. But it was so different now.

"I did hate you," he said, resting his palms on the counter. "I blamed a lot of things on you, but at that same time, I was just too scared to confront you again, because something was always telling me you'd reject me again. I just felt like I could never trust you, even though at that same time, I never did give you another chance, did I?" He paused for a moment, contemplating. "But you never even tried to keep in touch through middle school."

"Now is a good point for me to point out that you were unlisted," she said with a little frown as she watched him. "But even if I had made the effort, can you honestly say you would have wanted to talk to me? And what was I supposed to say to you?" she asked, watching his face as she pulled the empty bowl into the sink to clean. She got off every last molecule of food as she scrubbed it nervously. "I knew that I'd let you down somehow, but I didn't know what I'd done or how to handle it. It was just easier to let you go. I guess I thought you'd forget about me. Apparently, I thought wrong."

She remembered with a tight throat all of the suffering she'd gone through in middle school and high school. Even if Keith hadn't gone much beyond light bullying or name calling, other people picked up on it and played cruel tricks on her. She was absolutely positive that half of the guys who'd wanted to ask her out were somehow deterred by Keith's particular brand of propaganda. She had ended up going to prom with one of her only friends' older brothers. He was attractive enough, but it was painfully clear that it was just as a favor to her. In his defense, he'd only met her twice before and had been very nice and understanding during the prom despite the fact that everyone seemed to be talking about her.

Even if Keith hadn't been responsible for all of it, he'd started the train in motion. Taking a deep breath, she struggled to forget it now. There had been fleeting moments of decent human behavior that she'd seen him display. A few times he even quashed a few ridiculous rumors about her. Although he started another one after. She'd never been able to figure him out. After she got into college, however, she'd decided to try to change. She'd become more forgiving and blossomed into someone with more confidence and vowed to never be the same weaker person she'd been before. How was that going for her, she wondered.

"Why didn't you try to stay in touch with me?" she asked. "I didn't go anywhere. And if you wanted to talk to me I wouldn't have turned you away," she said, frowning.

He scoffed at what she said. He couldn't believe it had been easier for her to simply let him go. "Well, you could have apologized, Sophie. I can't believe you just said that. It would be easier for me to forget about you?" He said, raising his voice. "I would never forget about you...even--even after you sprouted such amazing tits!"

Yes, he may have started all of that crap on her, but as the years went by, he realized how stupid it all was. Simply how pointless it had been to do that to her, because even then--and even then when he thought he was sure beyond every single doubt that he had gotten over her, he had still cared about her somehow, and that, combined with his denial, just confused the hell out of him, while adding more self-loathing into the pain bucket.

It wasn't until Senior year did he begin to try undoing some of the shit he stirred with her. Maybe he could have chalked that up to maturity, but he could remember clearly that that was the year he began to look after her from afar, stepping in to protect her in secret. He never liked to take credit for it though, but he had persisted in watching her back, until he was nearly borderline stalking her. And then she just simply bloomed and became more...robust. As shallow as it may have seemed, he began to pay even more attention at that point. Not only because she began to look incredibly hot, but he knew she would be drawing more attention to herself.

He sighed, facing her while staring dead straight into her eyes. "I was just being a coward, Sophie, that's why. I was so afraid you wouldn't like me anymore after I changed. We didn't see each other for those two years of middle school. I moved off into the ghetto and went to school there, before I'd see you again in High School. I was angry...and ashamed at the same time. And you were always so standoffish and prude, and--and it was just hard to talk to you since you looked so mad all of the time."

"I always left you stuff at Christmas," she sprouted, feeling guilty even as she felt justified for he behavior. "On your locker. The candy canes were always from me. I always thought that I should at least try to make peace with you. I put little cards there too, but I guess someone threw them away before you could read them. Eventually I stopped the cards and just left you the candy." She stopped, realizing that she'd said all of this after he had said something that was actually cathartic. But she could still remember him walking around with that spear of peppermint stuck in his mouth like a cigarette. No, she'd never forgotten him or stopped watching him either. But she had no idea that he'd been watching her too.

"Look, I'll admit that I'm at fault here, too, but how could I know? How could I possibly know that you hadn't forgotten me? And I am sorry for what I did, but without you telling me that, too, I couldn't have known I'd done anything to apologize for! I didn't know what it meant to you, damn it. I didn't handle it well and your feeling afraid and my feeling resentment doesn't excuse the fact that you made my life HELL when I was in school, or the fact that I shut you down whenever you tried to talk to me." Here she started to tear up a little but quickly blinked them away. "So you can imagine why I was confused as all fuck when you beat the crap out of Jeff. And the day after." No, she hadn't forgotten the boy she'd grown up with, who'd used to walk her to school. The one who always wanted to play with her even after he made other little boy friends. She hadn't forgotten all of this amidst the bad times, and often wondered why he'd changed so. But it was clear that he either thought she should have known, or didn't want her to know. Either way, she couldn't have said she was sorry.

Sighing she went to her fridge and pulled out various condiments laying them on the counter as she started to cut some onion for the burgers. She needed to do something to distract herself for a minute, and maybe excuse some tears later. Remembering anything from the past couple of years came with baggage, and now that she knew he was miserable too, part of the pain went away, but it was just replaced with the even more potent guilt that she was to blame for a lot of it.

And then she remembered..."What exactly did you blame me for?" she asked, stopping the chopping for a minute and looking up at him. "You said that you blamed a lot of stuff on me...but what did you blame me for?"

He remembered the cards and the candy. Keith could remember seeing them every Christmas. No matter what he did to her, she always left him something for the Holidays. Actually, he thought she only left him cards during Freshman and Sophomore year, and then it was candy thereafter. He wasn't even sure if the candy had been from her, since he would find the peppermint canes in his locker, without any indication of who it was from. The cards had been sweet though, but Keith was still so fresh from his seething resentment for her, that all he felt was this urge to get back at her for betraying him in sixth grade.

"I read the cards," he said, rinsing his hands vigorously in the sink. "I still have them, even. I just couldn't trust you at the time. I thought you were merely being fake, and at that time, I just wanted to get back at you somehow for betraying me. I trusted you, and I even loved you, and you just broke my heart like that, without any consideration." He just realized he let a word slip when he said that, but he didn't care. He was too wrapped up in his emotions now.

"How could you know? Well, if you had felt the same way about me as I had for you, then maybe you could have understood the pain of not having you around anymore," he continued. Keith was beginning to feel like a needy bitch now, saying that. He could see the pain in her eyes, and it hurt watching her being blamed for something that was most likely so petty and forgetful now. But still, he was so mad at the idea that she was so cold and distant back then to him, and that the only way they would get together and talk again had to involve some egomaniac trying to pick her up.

"Deep down, I hate women," he said. "Somehow, I believe that you had something to do with it. I can't get in a relationship with anyone without thinking they'll stab me in the back in the end, somehow. So I just hook up. I can't stand the thought of being committed to anyone, because I just like the idea of being alone. And that's just a start. Want you learn more?"

She frowned and put the rest of the onion in its container before tossing it into the fridge again and watching him. She listened as he told her about the cards, almost missing the one word that changed this entire situation. Almost. He really had loved her. Her heart stopped beating for a moment. Setting the knife down, she looked at him through different eyes now. Now she could understand the anger much more clearly. The resentment he'd felt for her. The way her distance had cut him so deeply.

"I didn't know," she said softly, her eyes staring at him. Her voice was so soft she wasn't sure he had heard it at all, but she kept listening to him, her eyes sad and full of pain and realization. "I didn't love you the way you loved me. I was so confused about what I felt around you. We were so young that none of it meant the same thing to me that it does now." She looked down now, unable to keep watching his face, focusing instead on his hands. She'd brought it all on herself, and she'd done it to him without even knowing it.

She heard the grill's timer go off and she swallowed, taking the flipper from the drawer and moved to his other side with a plate to put the burgers on. Taking a deep breath, she removed the cooked meat and looked over at him again. "I want to know more. Come on, you can tell me when we eat." She managed a brave smile and moved the plate with the meat over to the buns and condiments and got more down from her cupboard.

He helped her with unloading the contents from the cupboard, keeping on a nearly uncomfortable silence between them. It bothered him that she didn't know, and that she hadn't felt the same way. They were only kids at the time, though. Perhaps she did deserve some slack. But then again, like that sidewalk with a crack, some things just never seemed to change.

Keith then helped her set up the table, placing the plates, napkins, and condiments down in a neat arrangement. He still hadn't uttered a word. What could he say? Where could he begin? Somehow, this was beginning to feel stupid lingering in the past again like this, but at the same time, it seemed like a necessary evil. He sat down facing her. A juicy burger was sitting on his plate, waiting for him to take a bite, but all he could do was stare at her. It didn't look like he felt like eating, but he knew how hungry Sophie was.

"I can't believe after what's happened to us this entire week, we'd still be mad over this," he finally said.

The silence between them was such a marked contrast from when they'd kissed earlier that it seemed like this wasn't even the same day. As it stretched, her appetite began to lessen and the burger on her plate looked less appealing--her ketchup, mustard, and onion seeming less likely to please her. She sighed as she sat down with a glass of milk for both of them and then looked at her plate as if willing herself to feel hungry again. And then she looked back up at him.

"I know it doesn't change the fact that I hurt you so badly, but I am truly sorry. In my defense, however, we were just kids. I don't want to be cold and distant anymore. I don't want to be angry all the time, and I like to think that I've made some progress in that field at least. I want to know about you and understand, at least a little, what you went through and how you are. I want to try to understand so maybe....maybe you can forgive me one day."

Here, she looked away from him and picked up her burger, forcing herself to eat it. And although it was tasty and filling, it seemed as though her body didn't want her to accept the nutrition until he spoke to her again.

Keith had forgotten how tasty his burger looked. He finally picked it up, opening his mouth wide to take a large bite out of it. He crunched the lettuce and pickles in his mouth, separating the juices from out of the thick meat as he chewed, letting the bun soak up the rest of the contents. He then swallowed, washing it down with some milk.

It was like he was looking at her with the same set of eyes he once had in High School. She looked small, awkward, and vulnerable. It was a direct contrast to the abrupt strength and feisty nature from before. In that moment, he had forgotten everything that had happened in the last few days, instead, eschewing it all for the cold stare he was subjecting her to.

"What would you be willing to do to make me forgive you?" He abruptly asked.

Sophie hadn't been expecting that question to come from him. That was the horrible kind of question that someone asked you when they wanted something from you that you weren't willing to give. She finished chewing and set her burger down, looking up at him, the cold stare he had fixed on her. Was he really still angry at her? Was he still the boy she'd wounded so much back then? Did what he said before about him not wanting to lose her mean anything less? She swallowed and licked her lips before taking a big breath. Now was the time to decide: was Keith worth putting herself through something potentially horrible? Or could she trust him enough to know that he didn't want to hurt her anymore?

"I...I don't know what would make you forgive me if you're still this mad. But if it would give you some peace of mind...I'd do whatever you asked me to." Sophie locked her grey eyes onto him now, watching his face, his eyes. She wanted him to know she was serious. She hoped that he wouldn't put her in a position that would make her regret trusting him again. It made her a little nervous to know that he was judging her again. She hoped that she had somehow moved up in his estimation over the past few days. Enough to make him see that she really did care, and that she wanted more than anything to be able to start over with him.

Keith's eyes widened. "You would?" He asked, before his eyes settled again. There was a devious glint to it. He then scooted his seat back to allow some room between him and the table. "Then come here," he said, relaxing his legs. He left them sprawled out before her. He then pat his lap, keeping his eyes fixed on hers.

She bit her lip and got up out of her chair. Crossing the distance to him didn't take much time, but she moved slowly to settle her nerves a bit. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the devious glint in his eye, but it was a bit late for that now. Sophie was at his mercy, quite literally. So she sat in his lap as he directed and looked into his eyes. "Yes?" she asked, a little nervous, but still hopeful. Perhaps she would finally be able to help put all of this sad business behind them. She would trust him, she'd decided. Because if he betrayed her trust at this point, it was only fair.