Potentially on-going life assessment kind of thing (at least until the New Year).
I'm finished my penultimate semester of college with a really nice GPA (Thank God!). Is it cliche to ask where the fuck the time has gone? In less than six months I will have my bachelor's degree. Holyfuckingshit.
I must figure out a (better) way to deal with stress. The amount of things going on in my life are not slowing down so I need to figure out healthy ways to not be completely out of my mind. If not, I'm stuck being Vindictive-Shitshow-Clubby, which is more or less fine with me when somebody like Eliza is complaining about how she doesn't like that side of me. I don't like any side of her. But when I understand that I sound unhappy/bitter or I use it as an excuse to tell people about themselves then that shit needs to change quick, fast, and in a hurry. Then again, that's better than being emotional and belligerent like Wildebeest. She was sobbing, threatening bodily harm to everyone around her, stumbling, and declaring her lust/love for Frattypants in one swoop. I can get over proclaiming, "Yeah. I'd do Suedes so hard and you can tell him I said that!" more than I can expressing my severe lack of self confidence by crying and flipping out in the presence of other people.
I need to find time to get back into writing. Even if it is dumb rambling "i ate a bagel today" kind of shit. Hopefully my writing class eases me back into that habit. I'll probably take Synth's advice and start a tumblr. I'd like one spot to chronicle funny youtube videos and shit like that.
Life is too short. The death of a classmate hit me harder than it realized. This was more than just a guy in my class. I knew his name. Recognized his face. Was at some point his facebook friend and I know I had a least one conversation with him during the past 3 years. Shallow as that interaction was, it still struck me when he died (especially considering the all too sketchy details surrounding it). Suddenly he's gone and it puts nearly everything I do in perspective. "Does this truly matter? Is this important? At the end of the day, what significance does it have to my life?" I think I let the stress get me caught up in life's bullshit. I stopped living and did this dreadful existing thing. There was not enough DIFTS. I need to get back to that. And basketball. I NEED MY BASKETBALL.
Being w/o basketball has definitely messed me up. I need to have emotional attachments and basketball is my biggest one. All of last semester I didn't have any opportunities to really express that. Being out of sync with that had me all out of my element. Not fly.
I cannot fathom having a SO that my friends/family didn't (at the very least) respect. During the holidays, Stankface comes around and sends this nasty vibe through all of my family members. None of us like you. At all. BOUNCE. How my cousin deals with the fact that his family abhors his wife is beyond me. Not saying my fam will make or break any love decision, but can they at least get along? And if my friends don't like you then that is also an issue. If I can't tell my friends about you or at least try to articulate why you give me goofy smile then there is a problem somewhere. Either I don't trust my friends or you suck. I'm not necessarily saying that everybody has to be up in my business, but damn. Dude needs to have some redeeming qualities beyond the generic "he makes me happy." Is that all? Dr. Pepper makes me happy.
I love this institution. I love the campus. I love the basketball culture, but the more time I spend here the more baffled I am by these people (more often than not that is. The way the community got together for Drew was touching but then they go and rage about some bullshit like Tailgate. Fuuuh). I speculate more often than I should about how real these fucks even are. Far too 1 dimensional and downright shallow. Sure, I can't get to know all of them but display some fucking depth, please. I'm not asking for some uber complex sob story background but have some character and some personality beyond your North Face Jacket and pearl earrings.
I'm not looking forward to having to make new friends next year. I'm not a people person and I'm quite content with the group I've managed to during the past three years including Beaver. I don't care what happens - he stays. He continues to pop up and that is not any doing of my own because the nature of our relationship was set out years ago. If he wanted me in my life then he'd make a move and contact me first. I also love how me makes the effort to engage in things he knows I care about even though he isn't the biggest fan himself/hates KS. We've finally reached a happy friendship medium in our relationship and will probably stay that way if I don't drunkenly admit that I'm not longer interested in fucking him and completely avoid the topic of his girlfriend. I do so much better with my male friends when I pretend they're single and/or they do me the courtesy of never acknowledging their gf's existence. Of course all of that could be avoided if they had better taste, but I digress.
Gonna take the theory of positive response to the next level in the spring. If I have time anyway. Which I doubt I will.
Everybody has shit going on. Just because they don't run around telling everyone doesn't mean they aren't going through something. Never assume they don't. Your shit doesn't trump their shit just because you talk about it.
The older I get the more I realize the power of positivity. Sure, shit happens, but wallowing in it doesn't do a bit of good. I'm sure I come across as emotionless at times but that just isn't the case. 1) I don't see the point of being all "Waaah" and 2) I was raised to just put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Being depressed and whining and complaining about every damn thing does nothing. Moreover, I cannot surround myself with people with that mindset. You have got to keep it pushing. Being around unhappy people make me unhappy and I def don't dig that.
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