Foggy

First off, it's my journal so I can cuss willingly right? (won't hold my breathe for reply). Second, I am not good with journals. They end up becoming a random collection of opinions, secretive thoughts, drawings, pornographic drawings, and any other random thing I can squeeze in there.

I am hoping your parameters will allow this in here aswell If you (an Admin, Mod, etc.) Disapprove of something i've written (from a legal sense, if it's personal you can kiss my ass <3) Then I am inclined to obey that directive.

So in opening...FUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEA!!!!!! *clears throat* Thank you. I cuss like a sailor and I am proud of it. I can however "keep it clean" If the need arises. (Such as if it will get me banned, wedding, birthday of a child younger than 14 [by request of the parents], funerals, you get the point.) However if it's merely that you don't like cussing, pardon my french but you can fuck off and go elsewhere. I know moderation is a good thing, but the internet is, to me, for the exact opposite. As far as cussing and other such things are conscerned.

With that out of the way I will quite likey post random drawings, pictures, or rants in here as I please. With the exception of anything outside of legal parameters.

I play guitar, have since I was little. Own four electric guitars, a Marshall amp, and one acoustic guitar. I will now list the guitars off in order of how much I play/baby them:

Schecter V1 FR Hellraiser: It is a flying V bodied matte black guitar with EMG HAZE passive enclosed humbucker pickups. It has all black glossed hardware, a Floyd Rose tremelo bridge, and mother of pearl vampire bat shaped inlays up and down the entire fret board. It is my most favorite and played guitar. It is a major pain in the ass to tune I will admit but it stays tuned, once I get it, like no other i've ever used.

Ibanez RG120: A soloist bodied glossy black guitar with standard an EMG 81/85 humbucker setup. It has a standard tremelo though I broke it years ago. The rest still works fine. It is my second oldest guitar at 8 years. She's been faithful, and I like it.

Ibanez ART100: A Glossy black Les Paul bodied guitar. Open coil Humbucker pickups which each string can be personally adjusted (if you want highs to be more clear than lows, so you can play muddy and heavy down bottom, then slide up and screech it.)

Fender Squier Strat: Dark sky blue, basic strat design. Was my learner guitar. It has "Nirvana" writtin between the neck and middle single coil pickups. Aswell as other numerous band names written all over the rest of the guitar. She has been loyal for over 10 years.

My acoustic is simply a Fender acoustic guitar, no other name on it. (That's how old it is.)

That's enough of guitars for now. I will update this whenever I fancy it. If you reply to this, which I encourage you to, I will try to reply A.S.A.P. Ciao`

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

I've read some of the journals...not sure I can really relate. My life hasn't been easier by no means. I have however been luckier than some of those whom journals I read. I really do feel for them, but at the same time it makes me feel less interesting in a way. I suppose I should shut up before things go south, but it's something I can't shake from my head. I've had relationship issues, big ones. Mass cheating, lieing, all the goodies. Yet whenever someone else comes to me with an issue I think how are you even sane at all? I've never really taken a step back to look at the events of my life however.

I wonder if posting some would result in a judgement of my hardships as I have seen and heard of others' hardships. Then again not sure if anyone would respond, let alone care. While this community is decently large, the core members are well known to one-another while the rest keep to themselves. From the hundreds of posts i've read that's how I see it. Not that anyone tries to not care for others it just seems noone would care for an outsider. Or is that just my experience? Kindness is a rare commodity in my life, from others anyway. I try to be kind, and put the needs of others ahead of my own.

I realize i've been rambling now, but to undo all the typing I just did would be inefficient and pointless. Perhaps I should stick to less personal issues otherwise I ramble more than people will want to read to reach my point. Yes, I believe that would be best. Well, point reached. That's it for now. ciao`

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

Slept until about 4 today..not sure why. My body feels weird. My head feels light but the rest of me feels lead heavy. Dizzy and not wanting to eat even though i've eaten nothing all day. Not sure what this is but it feels horrible. Hate going to the doctor, anyone experienced it before let me know so I can get rid of it. Started last night before I went to bed.

On to less bad stuff. Trying to fix my damn printer/scanner so I can put pics up for my RP bios. Tried for 3 hours last night, power works fine. My computer just doesn't want to connect to it, I tried reinstalling the software but that didn't do shit either. Kinda pissing me off. It's at this time I wish I had some more tech savvy friends. So that way I could just call and ask for help. Actually...now that I think of it I never talk to the...about six friends I have. Wow, I just realized I haven't talked to any of them in about two months. I can't believe I didn't notice that. Not like it matters anyway they all live in different states, not like we can just get together and hang out. I digress however...

I might not respond right away to roleplays as my brain is giving me trouble today from...whatever is wrong with me. I will try, but if it sounds like shit to me I will send a PM (seperate PM if the RP is in PM's) to let you know. Ciao` <3

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

Just got through recording an awesome heavy riff. Was gonna upload it but I couldn't because this board does not support any uploads from your computer itself other than pictures for your avi and sig. Kinda pisses me off. My drawings and music are the only things other than my roleplaying I can contribute to the this site. Too broke to give money unfortunately. This is going to be a very short post simply for the fact that my brain is still dead and I feel a little more sick after putting the effort into recording that. Ciao`

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

Really not feeling good, will try hard, but probably won't be on much for a bit. Which sucks because my birthday is tomorrow. Hopefully some good things will happen tomorrow.

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

Lynnic V. Syn said:

Just got through recording an awesome heavy riff. Was gonna upload it but I couldn't because this board does not support any uploads from your computer itself other than pictures for your avi and sig. Kinda pisses me off. My drawings and music are the only things other than my roleplaying I can contribute to the this site. Too broke to give money unfortunately. This is going to be a very short post simply for the fact that my brain is still dead and I feel a little more sick after putting the effort into recording that. Ciao`

Click to expand...

You can upload to youtube, then put up the youtube video here, if that helps.

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

I...didn't think of that. When I think of youtube I think videos, not audio. Thank you very much I will do that in a little while.

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

I apologize to all the people I am currently in RP's with. I got really sick and I just couldn't manage to stay sat up at all. I am starting to get better and will try to reply asap.

RE: Diary of the delightfully mad, Cali. <3

Decided to delete my music request thread until I can find a way to post my music somehow. So until then i'm just going to say here if you want some of my already done music for a sample PM me or post here. Otherwise I will remake my music request thread when I have found a way to let you guys listen to it without me e-mailing it person by person. So with that matter taken care of it brings me to my next topic.

I have done two public thread roleplays and only one person replied once. The other person has just left it. I understand busy and being sick so i'm hoping it's one of those two things.

Engagingly lost

I feel so lost. Even my own thoughts are hidden inside a fog in my head. I can barely think clearly. (The reason behind my slow PM's, sorry guys.) It took me over an hour to write a reply earlier. It's not writers block, i'm just feeling like this in general. Everything seems so mundane to me, nothing seems to interest me. I don't want to go anywhere or eat anything. I feel like doing absolutely nothing. Just laying in my bed until I fall asleep, and once I wake up going right back to sleep. I don't believe in being medically depressed. I've had doctors tell me to take a pill, i've refused every time and still made it just fine. I've tried pulling my life apart piece by piece and analyzing all of it, but nothing stands out as the reason for this. I really just can't get any of it out of my head. I'm not even sure if i'm making a coherent sentence without quadruple checking it. I can scarcely keep my mind on track of what i'm writing at the time. I really just wish it would go away.

RE: Engagingly Lost

My mind is slightly more clear today, if only slightly. However slightly is enough to make me not want to blow my brains out. Decided i'm sick of using my mic of Xbox LIVE, simply because the two most FaQ's. 1. Are you really a girl? (Yes jackass.) 2. whomever the idiot is asks personal information either to contact me or about my body. (They ain't getting either no matter what.) So no more mic on Xbox LIVE anymore. I'll just play in silence while I shotgun camp, forge something, or run around pandora with my modded rose omega shield. Honestly I can't say that I will ever use my mic again unless I am in a party with people I am already friends with.

Next topic is...the internet! Not really, i've honestly ran out of interesting things to type but I don't want to stop typing. So I am going to sit here and type a few sentences explaining that until I get a good idea or decide to check my PM's. (BTW: If anyone has NOT recieved a PM reply from me please send it again I may have opened it and accidentally deleted it or overlooked it.) Yea..i'm pretty sure that's all I had in my head at the moment. Well..enough journal for now people.

RE: The Raven's Ark, care to join?

So I decided to finally starting searching for a tight knit little group. I know kind people will always be behind me, stranger or not. Yet I can't help but feel like I must gather some before hand. Thought I cannot offer much I offer my friendship, and all that comes with it. So that we may watch each others backs in times of crisis. The Raven's Ark: Our future is in our hands. If you read this and want to join PM me, otherwise I will find an appopriate thread for recruitment. Sounds kind of cold doesn't it? Recruiting friends..maybe I need some more OOC interaction even more than I thought. Perhaps it is good to begin this search, might help me with my friendship issues.

RE: The Raven's Ark, care to join?

Figured out how to get on BMR on my PSP. Not good for long posts but good for PM's and such. Thought i'd test it out and to my surprise it works!

RE: The Raven's Ark, care to join?

We are up and running, well I am up and running. The Raven's Ark still only consists of me...hopefully that will change soon now that the thread is up. I do hope this works out like i've planned out in my head. If it doesn't I may very well be put up on a chopping block for all of BMR to laugh at. Here's hoping that doesn't happen.

RE: The Raven fell.

Two reasons for the new title. 1. The Raven's Ark is still only me which is saddening. 2. I will soon be posting chapter one of my first novel-type thing. The Raven fell, which I thought made a fitting title for both things. So if I do not have even one other member within about a weeks time I will simply delete the thread and The Raven's Ark will be dead.

On my other topic I am very excited to be posting a story of mine, it's basically a twisted Alice in Wonderland mixed with something like Final Fantasy VII. Yet is has very original characters and is altogether drastically odd. It was born of a dream, a dream that felt extremely real. I've never had that dream again but I can remember all the details, down to every last moment without a single problem. Yet every other dream I have seems to be easily forgotten. Anywho, I suppose i'll dig up chapter one and post it either in a little bit or tomorrow. Right now my brain is dead so i'm sorry those of you I haven't replied to yet.

RE: Apologies.

I must apologize for my absence, due to personal issues and some problems involving a hospital I was unable to get to my computer or PSP.

My head feels completely foggy right now. I can't tell if it directly pertains to anything or not. It seems almost like a memory which only hit me again a few moments ago as I switched to a seldom listened to song. My brain just doesn't want to cooperate with me on what it is though. It's a good song, Funny Bunny by The Pillows. It's from the FLCL soundtrack. Good beat and quite relaxing, but it's just got something to it that makes my head go foggy with a memory that has been long lost to me. Probably not worth worrying about. Not even sure why i'm writing this honestly..I almost feel these thoughts should remain in my head but I can't stop myself from writing.

In other news however I got my music thread up. I finally got my computer to cooperate with youtube and let me put my songs up. So i'm linking them to that thread. The only way to listen to them is to use the link's though. I have them unlisted so just searching for them won't work. Not sure why I did that, self consciousness probably. Oh well.