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'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journal]

Abulurd

Super-Earth
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Location
The Frozen White North
It has recently come to my attention that your backward-ass country doesn't use the word 'garborator.' Bear in mind, if you know what a garborator is, you're probably not from where I'm talking about. This is pretty much the last straw. I've had it up to here with America - and if this were a face to face conversation, you'd see exactly where 'here' is; suffice it to say it's pretty high up on me, and I'm pretty tall, so...yeah. It's a pretty significant height.

Behold! Previously absent from most of midwestern America: Knowledge! (For free! Why? 'Cause we're polite. Also part socialist. Yaaaay taxes!)

A garborator is a garbage disposal. It's operated by a switch next to your sink. When you turn it on, your sink turns into a loud, angry death machine that eats rotten apples, spoons, and the hand from that one guy in Final Destination 2.

Really, what I'm trying to get at is this: America sucks. In comparison to Canada, anyway. I mean, just recently my city was ranked the most eco-friendly city in the world. We're also 28th out of 50 for quality of living. Close behind, admittedly, is Honolulu, but let's be honest here, Honolulu doesn't matter. Hawai'i is barely a state. It's a warmer, more desirable Alaska. After that, your next highest is Minneapolis, at 6th, but again, really? The first city from America that actually matters is Pittsburgh, which is tied for 13th.

Now, I'm not saying being more eco-friendly makes my city better than yours. It does, but I'm not saying that. What I am saying, is that America is lame, and anything good that comes from you is freely available in Canada, so I can get all the best parts without ever having to visit you.

The only exceptions are Adult Swim and Vanilla Coke, which tragically arent available here. And maybe being able to sit in the stadium at an NFL game, but I've done that already. In Seattle, which is close enough to Canada that if your country started to get to me I could just turn around and go back. The Seahawks weren't worth it, but I saw the Raiders lose bad, which made it all good, thank you for asking.

You may now resume thinking you're great.

For the record:

Shinny is pickup hockey, not that anyone actually uses that word

Tim Horton's makes the best coffee in the world

It's 'about.' Yes, 'about.' We say it like normal people, and if we say it with an accent, it's closer to 'a boat' than 'aboot.'

Igloos are surprisingly warm, polar bears are adorable, and huskies make awesome pets. Not that any of that matters, because none of those things is widespread across my country.

We gave the world Rush.

Yes, Justin Bieber is Canadian, but we only made him famous so people would shut up about Hannah Montana. He's a tool of the government, and a weapon of mass destruction.

Sometimes it snows. Sometimes it snows a lot. Sometimes it snows a lot in August. Yes, we know, no it's not funny anymore.

If you have to make fun of Canada, make fun of Newfoundland specifically, because they're the butt of all of our jokes, and at the end of the day I live in a province that could probably pretty comfortably buy your state, if it had to.

The Queen's English, which you don't use (As in, the one from England, you know, where English comes from) spells a bunch of shit with 'u's. Brush up.

And, finally, yes, I know I'm trolling. I'm drunk and I just had a binge of Canadian television. We're awesome. Laugh if you want, or don't. I really don't care.


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Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

Pfffft, I love Canadians. They're french people who reeeeeaaaaaaaally want to be American but just can't admit it to themselves.

Or as Robin Williams put it: "Canada. It's like a loft apartment over a great party".
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

Canada is our retarded hat that we can't take off.

Just like we can't remove our Mexico Pants. :D
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

First, Canada is like 7/8ths English. We hate Quebec probably more than you do.
Second, yes, a garbage disposal. A garborator.
Third, fuck America. We're nicer, we've beat you every time you've tried to invade us, and our real estate market is smart enough to not destroy the world.

Also, I don't hate America as much as it seems, honestly; but seriously, for serious, 4 srs, fuck you guys.
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

I sincerely hope you're not serious. I've ran into several Canadians who have the same attitude as you, it's very off-putting.
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

It definitely shows how nice you are.

Wait, wait, we tried to invade Canada? When? I thought being a lame-ass country made you un-invade worthy. And we won Alaska from you, I thought, hm...

Someone sounds jealous of the awesomeness of America.​
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

Seraph Nicholas said:
Hahvoc, history is not your forte.

I wasn't looking it up on purpose because I don't care. =P I actually did good in history.​
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

H a r r i e t said:
Am I the only Canadian that doesn't hate America? .__.

No, my friend A-Chels is not anti-american last I knew xD;

However I have found that 90% of canadian men are douchebags vs Canadian women.

I'm starting to think it's a 'man' thing.
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

So, I got hit by a car today.

Not like, "Oh no, someone bumped into me in the parking lot and now my bumper is scratched," either. I got into a car crash today. A car totalling crash.

It just happened about 4 hours ago. I was going north doing about 90 (55mph) and a young lady going the opposite direction suddenly accelerated, hopped the curb, and hit me basically head on doing about 120 (75mph). I was in a Ford F-150, she was in a little convertible, and from the looks of it, she didn't have her seatbelt on. There was no chance...

Yeah, she died on impact.

And I'm not writing this from the hospital either. I'm in pain, but honestly I'm fine - I'm about as good as you can be after a car crash going 90. Like, there's bruises on my chest from the seatbelt and my neck is a little wobbly, but I'm not the least bit severely injured, and this girl died. Like, Jesus Christ - I don't want to be going 'what if she'd killed me' 'cause she was in this little convertible so there really wasn't a chance, but like, what the fuck, you know? I'm completely (completely) fine and all of as sudden this girl is just gone. She couldn't have been more than 30.

I dunno, I just felt like writing it out, I guess. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow if my arms aren't too stiff.
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

oh... wow.... that's horrible.
glad you're ok. sorry you're going through this.
*hugs*
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

lame-ass? well.... you're entitled to your opinion. but i love my country. and nothing wrong with canada either. from what i've seen of it, it's very pretty. tho i've only seen a mere fraction of it. but... karma or not, no one deserves to go through what you are. sooo... <3
*hugs*
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

Yeah dude, that's wicked awful. Sorry you have to deal with that. And I bet her family is just...wow. that really sucks, man. Get well soon.​
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

Abulurd said:
Heh, it's karma I suppose, hm? I promise I'll be nicer to your lame-ass country
As bad as I feel for you... that honestly bothers me that you joke about a girl's death being karma for you making fun of America. I mean seriously, that's a dick move.
 
Re: 'Garborator', and other reasons why America sucks [Journ

... I will point out you said you were driving a F-150. You don't get more American than that.
 
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