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αqвмєℓє∂‚ \\.

Re: υивємєякт \\.

  • dear mother's boyfriend
    • If you're going to offer to help me do the dishes in my house, that's fine. But only if you actually stick to your word and fucking do it. I'd much rather you pick up a clean plate and put it away instead of watching me struggle to do it while staring at my ass. Sometimes the attention is appreciated, but certainly not from someone who helped create my seven month old half sister, and especially not someone of your age.

      Secondly, have you ever heard of knocking? The door is obviously closed for a reason.

      Next time I see you snooping around in my bathroom cupboard, I don't care how awkward things are gunna get. The shits gunna hit the fan.[/list:u][/list:u]
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Apart from accidentally missing my exam today, nothing has really happened. Other than my new kitten finally settling in and discovering that behind my monitor is the best place for her to snooze.

2z6icz7.jpg


Her name's Panzer. And, yes, before anyone asks, like the tank.

I'm not exactly sure on how old she is, I'll have to ask the friend who gave her to me, but I guess she's around a few months by now. Extremely cuddly. I woke up this morning, and she had seized most of my chest as her personal bed. Not sure if I should feel special or violated, yet.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

I spoke too soon, it appears.

This final Religion assignment is totally kicking my ass right now. I've scrapped three writings so far regarding the project, and I'm no where close to being finished. My minds already thinking about curling up in bed, but I know that I need to finish this. I've casted out most of the usual distractions that hold my interest, but that isn't good enough. As of right now, I'm taking a much needed break and enjoying some caffeine in hopes that I don't crash on my keyboard.

I've got many things to consider right now; my final grade, the exam I need to take on this class tomorrow morning, and how I'm going to make it all work while getting more than three hours of sleep. This isn't the first time I've lacked in sleep to finish something at the last minute (something I've been doing rather often, lately), but it feels much more important than anything else right now.

This mark means a lot to me, and I can't even get the basics of what I want the paper to sound like. I want to impress my teacher, one of which I'm highly glad I've gotten this semester because he isn't an asshole, and doesn't put me to sleep, but in doing so, I need to pull up my socks past where I'd feel comfortable.

Just one of those nights.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Yaaay. School stress now behind me, I've been handed an even worse situation to deal with.
My PC crashed. FUCK YOU VISTA.
I'm stuck on my laptop, something that I call mine, even though I share it with my room mate.
It isn't the worst case scenario, at least I have internet, but it really does slack on my mood.

On top of things, Trygon gave me writing muse.
Damn you, Try. Damn you.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Was I wrong? Did I actually make the mistake I've been trying to avoid?
What do I say to him now... now that I've been getting doubts.
Is he really lying to me? Or is it all in my head?
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

I had another dream about him last night. Even if I woke up in the middle of it and resumed sleep afterward, the dream would pick up from where it had been disturbed. It was much more supple than the last. I was willing, shamefully willing. Even subconsciously, in my dream, I knew it was wrong. But that didn't seem to matter at all. He clouded it, made it vanish until he stopped touching me. And then the worry would start, and the guilt would build. And as soon as I was about to say something about it, he'd be distracting me once more, keeping my real voice hidden, replacing it with the lust I had for him.

These dreams need to stop... I don't know how much longer I can wake up, expecting to curl into his side, and realize there's no one there.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go, but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

- Kate Nash
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Another dream. But this one was much different.
I had just woken up, and was laying in bed with my eyes closed. I'd drift in and out.
I had another dream while I was still consciously awake, only asleep enough to imagine it as though it were really real.
I don't even have to talk to him for the dreams to kick in... or be asleep, even.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Over the past two days, I've been counting scratches and marks that I haven't gotten from rock climbing. There's quite a few, and I'm rather confused as to how I've been getting them. I've only started wearing shorts around the house last night, and most of today, and don't remember ever nicking my legs on anything.

Either my kitten's getting hostile while I'm sleeping, or my room mate's sneaking in with a blade after I've fallen asleep.

I'm really hoping it's no where close to being the latter.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

I broke a promise to get up before four in the afternoon because I was dreaming again. But this dream hasn't been like the others- I was happy. The happiest I've been in a long time.

The dream wasn't just about sex, like it usually is. There was lust, but there was a lot more emotion. When he wrapped his arms around me, I felt weightless. Secure. Protected. I never wanted to leave his embrace, and he didn't make me.

I woke up, muttering his name, before I realized what I was doing.

To top my morning off, I woke up at 4:20.

Oh yes... today is going to be a good day.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Where the fuck does she get off, acting like I haven't paid any amount of attention to her? All of a sudden, I get a better life, and then I'm not giving her enough of my free time?

As if going through the little shit that I am right now isn't enough, I have to worry about her clawing at my back about something as stupid as not messaging her when she signs in.

I completely changed myself around her family for the benefit of being her best friend, so that like all my other friendships, her family wouldn't shoo me away for being the "bad seed" they warned her about. No swearing, no gutter mind, no obnoxious jokes, sex talk, nothing improper in any way, shape, or form. And this is how I'm repaid? Pssh, yeah, that's real lovely.

I'm just so sick of the bullshit I go through to maintain a friendship I don't even think is worth trying to keep anymore. There's only so much patience a person can have before snapping, and I'm really almost at my breaking point with this shit.

Fuck it...
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

I guess when something good happens in someone's life, something equally bad has to happen as well to keep the balance. It doesn't matter what kind of person you are, how much money you have, the company you keep around. There's always going to be something that strikes you down in one way or another, and just the same, there's going to be something for you to help steady yourself.

I wasn't expecting it to happen this soon. I had been told a day ago that they were going to make him comfortable, and hope for the best. And I'm getting a phone call this morning telling me that he's already gone? I watched him collapse in on himself, slowly, painfully, and like everyone else who's been in my shoes, I couldn't do a damn thing about it but tell him how much I loved him and how much happiness he brought to my life. To my Grandmother's life.

To top off the death of my Grandfather, this whole friendship thing isn't working out like it usually would've. I thought I'd give her some time to chill out and consider what we had both said. I was just going to forget about it entirely and go on with our friendship as it were. She had other plans.

After finally getting to sleep after bawling my eyes out, I wake up to find her messenger with a rather disgusting message, left for yours truly. It was the perfect thing to wake up to [/sarcasm]. I called her out on it, she flipped, what's new? After cowardly taking the easy way out and leaving me, I had settled again and was getting into a calm state when she had the nerve to call me and try to get me to apologize for something I hadn't done. Wasted twenty minutes of today trying to explain to her that I wasn't going to say sorry for my health.

Things are looking up now that I've had time to cool off, and take care of some frustrations and stress. But it's still there, most likely waiting to kick me when I'm already down.

Fuuuuuuuuu-
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Head hurts, but at the moment (aside from sexual frustration), it's the only thing going on right now that I don't like. And, who can't handle a small head ache, hm?

So far I'm relaxing- kicking back with some weed, watching stupid TV, and chilling out online. I've got until Friday to worry about anything, my room mate having made plans with a few of his friends. The peace and quiet will be nice to have.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

For the love of all things unholy, I do not want to hear about you getting the girl you cheated on me knocked up. Even more so, I really do not want to discuss baby names with you.

STFU, and GTFO.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Thinking has become one of the most stressful things I've ever had to deal with. Mainly because I can't think of any words to articulate how I feel about him. I could babble on about what words I'd second-hand choose, but they wouldn't be good enough.

I should read some more books- intelligent ones. Maybe I'll find confusing words to express how I feel.
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Woke up to the usual stoner shenanigans. I'm going to miss my solitude.
On a good note, however, I remembered to ask Marissa about those pictures, and she'll be sending them to me whenever she gets off her ass.
Woo! ^^;
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Fuck. So glad I got that done and over with.

Unfortunately, I don't have a proper camera, so the best I have is my cam.
2r6jime.jpg


It hurt only on the bone, everywhere else I could've fallen asleep to.
It only hurts, now, when I think about it, so I think I'll live through these next few weeks.

:]
 
Re: υивємєякт \\.

Role playing rage sucks ass.
Especially when you're being a hypocrite at the same time.

FML.


EDIT; Fuck him and all his apparent glory.
If I woke up tomorrow and he wasn't around, he wouldn't be missed.
 
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