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Mr. Manuscript

Catalysts. Catalysts are those substances that start a reaction without necessarily being directly a part of that reaction.

I encountered a catalyst in the chats today. I'm not going to go into specifics, other than to say that I was attempting to show my affection, and kept getting... nothing. And I didn't know why. And then another person, another good friend, returns to the chat, and they're covered in attention, in "gasms" and rubs and affection. And I realize I'd been kind of shoe-horning myself into the situations previous to this. I wasn't really involved, I just thought I could be. Even when my involvement was acknowledged, I wasn't ever mentioned specifically. Yes, I realize: just chatroom shenanigans. Nothing serious at all. Until you realize that's a good chunk of any expression of affection I get, these days.

So this happened, and then I kind of realize I'm not actually necessary. These are some of the people I consider my close friends here. But... I'm just not That Guy. I thought I was, but I suppose I don't get off that vibe, not really. Other people are That Guy just effortlessly. And I don't think I've ever been That Guy, not really. But I thought I might be, I thought humor and flirtatiousness and a quick creative wit would let me do that, let me feel wanted again, let me be who I kind of used to be, maybe even more.

But I realized, that's probably not the case at all. No matter what my personality, I'm still going to be the old guy, the one with the complicated life, the one apparently trying to recapture a part of his youth by hanging out with people literally half his age. And even that hasn't been going particularly well. At best I'm an older "best friend" type, not really good for flirting once you really get to know me, get to know the real me. At worst, I'm tolerated, allowed to hang around, but the odd-wheel out.

And that situation isn't going to change, really. No matter how much I become a mover or shaker of this site (not that I'm particularly moving or shaking), I'm still going to be The Old Guy. Who is never going to be That Guy, no matter how much he tries. And this, you see, is the catalyst.

It's a catalyst because this realization, brought about by trying and failing to involve myself with friends on the chats, made me start to think about the rest of my life. And how I'm basically just kind of fooling myself on this site as a whole. What am I really expecting to accomplish here? There's nothing I do here that I can ever translate into the real world. Nothing of the fantasies and activities here will alter one iota the bleak future I'm seeing for myself. Even a reasonable best-case scenario in my real life leaves me killing half my dreams and desires.

There's way too much to go into right now, and whoever knows or intuits can think what they may. But the point is, my bruised feelings spiraled into a whole crisis of self-awareness. Is this a mid-life crisis? I don't know, but it would mean I'm not likely to live to my 80s, as I'm not even 40 yet. Anyway, the point is, I don't even know what I'm doing here, not really. I like this site, I like the people, but is that enough to warrant the kind of time I put in here? And to what purpose, anyway? You folks, you have your lives ahead of you, you're at the age where you make random mistakes, you waste time on pointless things. I'm at a point where my future is locked down, and I'm not sure how much there is I can change about it; not a whole lot, regardless, but even what might be changeable, I have no idea what is.

It's a crisis, all right. It may not be mid-life, but it's a crisis of hope and goals, of time and purpose. I feel like I'm out of control and I have no idea what to do about it. I hope my emotional state settles down at some point, I hope it evens out and I manage to figure out what i can do about all of this. I just don't know that there's anything I -can- do. Or if there is, should I?

Hang on to your hope, kids. Don't settle for less than what you dream of. Otherwise, you could be me in 20 years.
 
... and a day later, with the perspective that a good drunken evening (always in control, full memory, but unleashed emotions) and a night's sleep can bring, I'm better.

Back to the whole thing festering in the background of my subconscious, at least. Ready to be triggered once again when I have those moments of self-doubt and loneliness and desperate longing.

So, just about every couple of hours, then...
 
Music and me have always had a very interesting relationship. I know everybody says "I'm very into music" or the like, how it's very important to them, and the thing is, I believe it every single time. Music is something that's central to the human psyche, I think; it evokes emotions and memories and imagery with just notes and rhythms, it's both unfettered creativity and very precise mathematical constraints, simultaneously. People have always created instruments, but even with nothing, a person can still make music; the human voice is capable of speech but also singing, and it's glorious.

I grew up with some music in the house, but very little, comparatively speaking. We had a piano, and rarely my mother would sit down and play something. We took piano lessons, my younger sister and I. We went to church and sang hymns. I always excelled in music class in school (this was back in the 1970s, when elementary schools still had art classes and music classes as part of the standard curriculum; I have no idea if that's still the case, as in many cities they've cut back on anything that's not directly related to standardized tests, and you can't standardize elementary school singing). But it's not like we had the radio on all the time, or cassette tapes or records playing (yes, we had vinyl; this was 15-20 years before the CD, kids). Most of the music I would have encountered was on TV, honestly.

But I did listen to the radio a little bit. I grew up in Evansville, IN; the biggest community in the area, but still a fairly small town. We had several radio stations, including public radio, an oldies station, at least one country station, and one pop music station. Mostly I stayed tuned to the oldies, when I listened, so that's how I knew who Bill Haley and his Comets were, who Smokey Robinson was, the Beatles, Elvis Presley, and so forth. People like Steely Dan and Kansas (a song!) weren't oldies at that point; they were on the pop radio, because this was the frikkin' late '70s, people. And it was the small-town midwest, so we didn't get to hear people like Devo (a song!) (bonus!) or the Ramones (bonus!) or the Stooges until they hit more big time and that wasn't until later. I remember one time I was going to bed, and I told my mom I'd been able to hear "Funkytown" (the original by Lips, Inc.) twice that day. My mom responded with a bitterly sarcastic "Well it was a red-letter day for you, then." Yeah, that's one of my better youthful memories of my mom. But that's a whole 'nother trauma. Point is, I liked music, but there wasn't much to excite me about it. But if you asked me, I'd probably still say music was very important to my life, because that's how people are.

Then we went to England for about four months. My dad was a college professor of Computer Science, and our school had a sister-school in England, and he went over there for one semester to set up their new computer lab. It was 1981, and it was just a semester, so they took the kids out of school, and we got to go to the village school that was near the college until wintertime. It was unusual, having to learn to deal with the BBC, strange education methodologies, habits, foods, friends. But it was, in retrospect, extremely cool, and it gave us kids such a good image of what could be done in the world; that there were a lot of things out there and lots of room to explore and experiment.

As far as music goes, there was a lot of exposure to new things there, too. This was the 1980s, so punk philosophy and innovation was starting to filter into the mainstream, and the new British Invasion of music was on its way. I remember a specific evening, in front of the TV in the family room in the gardener's cottage that our family got to stay in when we were at the college, watching some program that showed this new invention: music videos. Not just concert footage, but these little films that described and commented on the music that was playing. And I must have seen a number of them, but more than 25 years later, there's only one that sticks in my memory: Adam and the Ants's video for "Stand and Deliver."

It's not until I look back on my musical life that I see that imagery and that music transformed me, just a little bit. The fact that my memory hung on to that particular image is significant; perhaps I'm not just a hopeless romantic at heart, maybe I'm a New Romantic! I know I'd love to have one of those drum-major style jackets, that's for sure. The face paint is optional, but I'd love it.

By the time I came back to America, I was a lot more interested in pop music. And I was still limited by my local stations, unfortunately. However, to their credit, the local stations played a lot of things. This was before a whole lot of commercial compartmentalization happened; there wasn't so much definition and classification of what was out there. You might hear Ratt (a song!) followed by Culture Club followed by the Fat Boys followed by the Stray Cats, with a chaser of Golden Earring and Deee-Lite, and you could even occasionally hear something by George Clinton (or any of his variously-named projects), and that was all without changing the station. It was basically all considered pop: metal was pop, dance was pop, rap was pop, everything was basically pop. These days, now that I've expanded my musical tastes beyond even rock and pop, I credit this variability in playlist with my mental musical flexibility.

By this point, I was involved in concert choir, which was in my small elementary school (we didn't go to a middle school system until after I was already out of there) and high school the only performance choir we had, so we did both chamber music and more show music. Other larger, better-funded schools got two separate choirs, but as it turns out, I went to what passed for the "inner city" school in Evansville at the time, so we had to make do.

I was also listening to the radio almost obsessively, taping my favorite songs, making tapes of my friends' albums, and buying the occasional single. I remember I had a 45 of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science" as well as others. The first album I ever received as a gift, the first full-sized vinyl I owned, was Duran Duran's "Seven and the Ragged Tiger." I remember I also owned Michael Jackson's "Thriller," but I can't remember when I got that. But the musical landscape all through my high-school years was intensely rich, with one-shot wonders like Kajagoogoo (the song!) or Dexy's Midnight Runners or Frankie Goes to Hollywood, and more established acts both past, like Stevie Nicks, and the Kinks, and future, such as Madonna (a song!) or Weird Al Yankovic. Exposure to odd sounds in music, like Herbie Hancock and Big Country (which played directly to my inexplicable love of bagpipes), made me fascinated with world music. My first concert I ever went to was Quiet Riot, and we bought into all that illusion and rebellion like good little consumers, but it was fine, it was good, because we were young and the music was changing, and broadening again. And I got to be a part of it.

College was more broadening, as well, because that's when we could start going to dance clubs and such. I got to learn about both Depeche Mode and KMFDM (a song!), and I liked both. I knew the Safety Dance, and Howard Jones taught me a New Song, and like the Cure, on Fridays I was in love. I learned how to play Violent Femmes songs and Simon & Garfunkel songs on my guitar (this was years before it got stolen), and how to dance to Young MC (to bust a move, as it were) and Sir Mixalot and more. I grew an appreciation for disco, at least in limited doses, and took up swing dancing at the very beginning of the fad, before it was cool.

I actually regret that it took me until well into adulthood to catch on to some bands that are now my favorites. It was distressing how long I waited to discover They Might Be Giants, and now I've got every single album or CD single they've ever released, even the one that was only released online and had to be custom-burned by a friend (who also included, to fill up the remaining disk space, the Revolting Cocks' industrial version of "Physical"). I also took far too long to chance onto the Ramones, or the Reverend Horton Heat (a bonus!). Thankfully, I've been able to grab up everything the Rev has put out, but there's still vast swaths of the Ramones I haven't heard, despite getting Best Of and the Anthology. I was lucky, though: I managed to get in on Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies early, though I haven't been able to get their last couple of albums, much as I've craved to.

And my education still goes on. I'm a lot more cynical about new music, as I'm far too aware of the commercialization and record company vetting that goes on so they can sell us our rebellion in easily-digestible doses that can be cross-platform marketed at iTunes and Hot Topic simultaneously. I'm also leery of the constant definition and redefinition of music, and how bands that are as carefully planned and managed as any pop act, with songs as perfectly produced and massaged as any Britney Spears tune, are marketed as "punk," as if the term never actually meant anything specific. But I still hear particular songs, still get exposed to new things. Without a former roommate, I wouldn't have been exposed to The Blenders or Soul Coughing (bonus! and more bonus!), and friends mixes taught me who The ]Lunachicks were, who Boney M was, who The Odds were, who Lilly Allen is (bonus! and more bonus!), who the Eyeliners (a song!) are, what Telstar was and how freakin' cool and tragic Joe Meek's life was.

So in essence? The beat goes on.
 
Just found out that whatever system my company uses to screen websites, whether it's their own software or they get it updated from a vendor or whatever, I just found out that it's finally clued in to the Rabbit Holes. Took them a long, long while, but they finally IDd them as porn/adult content.

This means it may be just a matter of time before they identify Blue Moon, and I lose my worktime distraction. I'll still have evenings, but my frequency of response will drop sharply if I don't have all morning to compose my day's slate of replies. We'll have to see how it goes, but fair warning; may come a day I come to log in and get a blocked screen, and I won't be able to let anybody know about it until the evening. So I'm mentioning the possibility now.
 
A few days ago, I was pedaling north after work, and the wind drove me off the Lakeshore Trail to wind my way through the city, and when I do that, my route frequently takes me past Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs.

This is a rough approximation of my thought process.

"Wow, traffic is kind of backed up on Clark."

"There's an awful lot of Cubs t-shirts walking around... and the L&L Tavern is unusually busy for this time of day."

"Oh, right! They're doing that cross-town competition with the White Sox. Must be the time in Wrigley today."

"Geez, that's a pedicab. Two, actually."

"Wow, more pedicabs!"

"Freakin'... IT'S CALLED A RED LIGHT FOR A REASON, MORON!"

"What the fuck is up with all these pedicabs!"

"Holy cats! Mounted police right at Addison!"

"... that's why Wrigley smells like a barnyard, I suppose."

"Gonna be close to the horses, and this bus... WHY IS THIS BUS FORCING ME INTO THE MOUNTED POLICE! AAAGH! ANGLE LEFT ANGLE LEFT ANGLE LEFT STUPID BUS... Okay, past, and I didn't even brush a horse..."

"More pedicabs, but they're facing the other way, and now it's just houses and graveyards up past Montrose."

"... I should tell someone about all that. Maybe I'll post it on BMR..."
 
funny-pictures-cat-does-not-acknowledge-monday.jpg


You have the weirdest thought process and this image proves it.​
 
Well now, I should be busy working on our post, but got caught up reading here. Your musical memories make me feel even older than I'd like. My first concert was Halloween of my thirteenth year, I saw Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane. My second concert was a double bill of Chicago and the, until then, unknown Doobie Brothers. But, I will say it's nice to be playing with some one who knows some of the golden oldies.
 
I just found myself writing a huge PM to someone, laying out my usual spiel regarding RPs, and since I'm a maximalist, it was getting lengthy. And then I realized, wait, that's exactly why I started this journal thread!

So here are my (lengthy) details as regards RPs:

  • * I try and guarantee at least a post a day, if I have something to work from [EDIT: this has been more difficult to keep to lately, but I still have it in mind]; weekends are sometimes iffy on this, but I make the effort. Anything more than a post a day is bonus. There are times, like lately, when I'm not sure if I feel mentally up to writing more than the one a day, so it might just be that, even if I have free time.

    * On a related note, some RPs have an easier time of it; some flow more naturally, and I already have an idea what I want to say a couple posts up the road, whereas others require more thought, or more concern about the reaction, or, yes, even I sometimes feel like I'm running dry on a given plotline. If I'm giving one RP the post a day, and I'm able to give more than that to another RP, it doesn't mean I don't like the first one, or anything like that. It just means there's a lot of factors and it's making me mull it over longer than the other one. We all get into creative fits like that, and there's no predicting it. So this is a heads-up ahead of time about that sort of thing. If I'm not liking it, or I'm really feeling blocked, I'll say something (see my notes on OOC discussion later).

    * Additional related note: I'm a patient man, and I don't mind if my partner takes a while to respond. I do like a reasonably fast exchange, like a couple of days or so, but it's not required. If it starts going into weeks, it's not that I get frustrated or impatient, it's more that I start to worry that you've given up on the project. And actually, if you take a little while to respond, it kind of helps me out, because then there's less chance of me developing a "pressured" feeling over all the RPs I can't help but indulge myself in. :lol:

    * I'm not a stickler on length; I expect each post to serve the story, help build the environment, and advance things a little bit (i.e. try not to just "mirror" me and react to just what I do and no farther, give me something else to play off of). But sometimes, setting a scene will take a number of paragraphs, and action or dialogue doesn't take a lot of verbiage at all. As long as it suits the needs of the story at the moment, I'm happy with it.

    * I don't mind a partner's skill level, for the most part, as long as they're into the story and working with me, giving me something to play with. I figure everybody's got to start somewhere, and mechanical things like spelling or syntax can improve with practice, as long as the person wants to improve. I do have issues with reading a whole lot of, like, "netspeek" with numbers in place of letters, or single letters replacing words, but if we're discussing an RP, I've most likely seen you in the chat, of course, so therefore I don't expect that'll be a problem.

    * I'm good with PMs or public threads; I don't do IM RPs because I can't do them at work and I feel really pressured when I'm at home (where there are lots of distractions in RL that I must occasionally tend to). Of the two, I tend to prefer threads, just because I can keep track of them marginally better, but it's kind of 55/45, not a very large difference in preference.

    * I'm a believer in much OOC discussion, both to be friendly and to work on planning. I also tend to be a plotter; I like to work out the general sweep of the RP ahead of time, to know roughly where we want to get to, but I'm willing to let the details largely develop organically. I don't mind if we start in one direction and change gears when interesting developments occur (that's why we talk out of character, after all), but if there's a change, we ought to agree on it. Actually, this works for plotless romps as well; it's just not the direction to go in as things like, oh, changing position or activity. A lot shorter term, but still valid.

    * Speaking of, I tend to like plots, and characters, lots of things besides just eroticism (sometimes I don't even need eroticism involved, even), but I'm not limited to ONLY plotlines. I do like to have a kind of setting or purpose in non-dramatic, non-continuing scenes, though, too, just to establish why they're there, and what's going to happen. I don't think it's particularly high maintenance, just more fun than a featureless space where faux-me and faux-you go at it. I did plenty of that stuff in Java chatrooms back when, I'm here to flex the writing muscles just a teeny bit more than that.

    * I don't judge on topics and settings and activities. I try not to judge in general, actually. I'm good with a lot of different things, even if they're not always on my personal favorites list; part of my joy is exploring and trying to write what my partner is interested in, as well as my own ideas. There are things I don't dig, and if they come up I'll mention them, but I usually have no problem with anyone else digging them (with the obvious exceptions), so there's no trouble with that. About the only pairing I'm burned out on is being a vampire; between stories I've written and table-top RPGs I've played and RPs I've already done, I've just done vampires over and over, and I'm a little tired of that role. I could still work well with playing opposite a vampire, I just have little interest in being one; it takes something special to pull me out of that, but if you think you've got that something special, run it by me.[/list:u]

    I think that does it, actually... don't you think that's more than enough?
 
There are some things I like to say to friendly newbies, and I am starting to get tired of typing them again and again, so I'm writing them up here so I can cut and paste when I need to.

If you want to get up to speed on a few of the "running jokes" of the BMR, you can find some of them in this thread. Which includes chatmarriage. Oh, incidentally...

Also, you can get a feel for how the chat runs through some of the Epic Chat Quotes, which is Padan's favorite thread.

The chatbox is visible from any BMR page you click to, but it has a little quirk where, when you navigate to a new page, it tends to lock up until you click on the entry box to "unlock" it, and then it progresses normally. So bear that in mind.

Oh, you can post actions in chat by using "/me" and typing your action, like "/me laughs". You can also in extreme situations "/ignore" a username, and not see any of their posts. And it's sometimes fun to "/roll" dice, like 5d6 for Yahtzee, or 1d100 for a percentage. Those are the most common uses for the "/" commands, as I recall.


That's what I got so far. I'll probably change it up as I go, but I think it works pretty well as a quick primer for newbies I like.
 
I am appalled at the lack of response that your story got! I am simply IN LOVE with it. You know my feelings on the entire subject, but I will share them here.

The way you write just makes my chest feel tight. It is so refreshing to see good grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure! I have no doubt that that is a large reason why a lot of people what to RP with you. I have done so on many cases, I can understand the draw.

But what I love more, second to something else ;) , is the way that you describe the relationship between Dom and sub. It's perfect, probably the idea relationship in a love of subs minds, at least mine. Your knowledge on the subject shows.

And last but far from least... the book scene. *Melts* Oh gods how I am so jealous of a fictional character! I have a huge thing for books, I have a huge thing for spanking, so book spanking is just AMAZING!

This story gets me so hot.
 
I've decided to make a list of my RPs so far. Yes, just to keep track. I'm doing them alphabetically by title. These are just my publicly-available RPs, for my reference and for other people's perusal: writing samples, and all that. EDIT: The shift in formats has scrambled all my links; they can be found, but most of them are really old by this point. It's a background project to update these, so we'll see how well it works.

The Book Of Hostage Tortures, with Luna. Kidnap plot with exploitation. Essentially done. I was trying to come up with some smut Luna would like, and I was going for building demands, working forward each day to something new, something tougher, rougher, etc. But at a certain point, she just got distracted. And then she founded Lunar Radiance, so there you go. Like all my work, it's decent, but I wouldn't say it's a primary example.

Braided Fate, with Harriet. Adventure/assassin plot, with Fafhrd and Gray Mouser pair, but hetero. Just starting, but I hope it'll be great!

Breaking A Pet, with Kikora. Slaver plot, with an elf and some romance developing. At the time of this writing, still ongoing. I'm quite proud of this one both as fiction and as a smut story; I've heard good things from readers, which is always gratifying, yet also discomfiting at some level. Still, I think it's excellent work.

The Chronicles of Cityopolis, with AkumaTsuki. Superhero action, comedy, some twisted romance. At the time of this writing, still ongoing. Baker is a character from the group supers RP on one of the old versions of DRP (before I found this place), and I like him a lot, so when Aku and I wanted to do a supers thing, I pulled him out and we ran with it. I'm really engaged, and I have set-pieces in mind that I hope we get a chance to get to!

Deserted Island?, a group RP. Shipwrecked survivors on a demon-controlled island, a la Lost with supernaturals. Essentially done. It was an interesting start, but it's one of the experiences that taught me I'm not much good for unofficiated group RPs.

Even In Death, with TheyDontKnowIBurn. Warming up to be a ghost plot with a developing romance between the two living characters. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind. This was a good start, with a very subtle paranormal suggestion. It was supposed to get stronger as the story progressed; maybe it still will, someday.

For Whom The Darkness Parts, a group RP. High fantasy heroes and villains gifted by the gods of that world. Essentially done, certainly as far as my involvement goes. My first RP on the site, if I recall, and at the time of this writing, my only opportunity to RP with the lovely prettylyksin. Sal was adapted from a D&D character I not long before had finished playing; I was really liking it. But then we brought in the bad guys, and they had inexplicable knowledge of all the good guys doings, which, you know, meant they could cut off or invalidate anything the good guys did, because the good guys' only real advantages were secrecy and superior information. So that pretty much killed off that for me, because what's the point?

The Forbidden Treasure, with [LunarDysis]. Pirates! Explicitly done. I thought this worked out well for being both exploitative and also supportive. I was having fun with the naval combat scenes, as well, brief as they were.

Forgotten Desires, with TheDuchess. At the time of this writing, still ongoing. I don't do a lot of vampire RPs, because I'm a bit burnt on vamps after decades of interest and pursuit and writing of them. But I adore Duchess, so I bent my rule for her. Still made him dark and unromantic, though, at least at first, though with Duchess's influence on the plot and the character, he's mutating.

The Grendlander, with Rubyliday. High fantasy slaver plot with action and mystery, had some romance planned, too. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind. I've still got a lot in mind for this, but Ruby posts as she is motivated to, which can be months between. That's fine; I'm always here.

Heart of Transparisteel, with tempted_kitsune. Science fiction story of a robot awakening to sentience, was going to have action and romance involved as well. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind.

Heartless Alliance, with Oreo. Science fiction first contact story with sex and psionic powers and saving the human species. At the time of this writing, still ongoing, I think, albeit slowly (I'm not pushy). Lengthy and detailed, but also proof that I write to fit my partners. Oreo's got lots of stuff going on, so she's got immense leeway to delay in responses. It's always worth it, though.

Home is Where a Restless Heart Roams, with Erato (the muse of erotica). A sort of homecoming, set in the Elfquest universe. At the time of this writing, still ongoing. This is my first public fandom RP, but it's with entirely original characters. Surprisingly, the only fandom RPs I've done (one private, one public) have both been Elfquest. It's just a little odd, that.

In The Eve, with Corporal Bunny. Post-apocalyptic primitive society bio-genetic zombie plague. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind. I'm still quite pleased with the world-building on this, and I like my action scene, too.

Interstellar Flight, with missedstations. Science fiction mystery and actioner, with of course some romance building. At the time of this writing, still ongoing. Really pleased with this one; I hope it'll continue long enough that we can actually get to wreaking some destruction, because man, is Taggart ready. I re-used the character and ship from one of my previous RPs, "Heart of Transparisteel," but the storyline is entirely new.

The Land After Time, with --+Hahvoc Requiem+--. Star Wars-esque (as in fantasy-high technology) adventure on a dinosaur planet, with a cat-guy along. Just starting, but I'm already digging my characters and the possibilities. My second RP with Hahvy-dear, and I'm liking the ideas she has had in planning, so we'll see how it goes.

The Last Human, with My_Apocalypse_Pony. Post-apocalyptic, with vampires and werewolves and strange bio-genetic developments. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind. I had some ideas for this one, but perhaps they didn't fit Pony's? I don't know.

Necessary Research, with --+Hahvoc Requiem+--. Feline lycantrhopes exist, and one is captured, but a researcher helps her escape. At the time of this writing, still ongoing, I think, albeit slowly (I'm not pushy). This is the RP where I first met Hahvy, and man, I'm glad we did. Dunno what's going to happen with the story, if anything, but at least the friendship is strong.

Observance To A Dark God, with Exodus. Typical tentacle-beast-versus-schoolgirl smut plot. So far, just a one-post start, but I'm sure she'll post a response any day now...

Out Of The Abyss, with JessiDlux. Mer-people kidnap and impregnate a drowning shipwreck survivor, or at least they were going to. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind. I was intrigued by the mer-folk idea, but we'll see if Jessi ever wants to pick it up.

Out Of The Blue, with Adonia. Superhero action and some romance possibilities. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind. I had high hopes for this: I have set-pieces in mind and even sound-tracks! But Adonia is taking a break, so we'll see if she comes back.

Pain Is Priceless, a group RP where I was a special uncredited surprise guest. A whole mishmash of largely fantasy characters, brought together by a torturing demon. Explicitly done. To me, noteable for some torture scenes. Possibly my darkest and most violent writing, at least publicly.

Prison Break!, with Nurse_K. Kidnap plot, with good-sex kidnappers and bad-sex kidnappers. At the time of this writing, still ongoing, I think, albeit slowly (I'm not pushy). This was one of my first and possibly my most ongoing RP; Nurse K took a break from the site or something and left us rather mid-scene. Which is a pity, because it was kind of a transitional scene, anyway. I occasionally see her, and she says she ought to post again, but will she? I don't know. This is also the first RP where I got actual compliments from a reader who was not actively involved in the RP! I always thought that was something of a faux pas, but apparently not!

Rookie Lessons, with Singing Satellite. Superhero action, with potential for romance. Essentially done. This one was just my post; SS never logged back in to make her first post. I used the same set-up with Adonia in "Out Of The Blue," above, so at least it wasn't wasted.

Sacrifice, with Amaria. High fantasy humans-assist-and-learn-the-ways-of-essentially-elves plot. At the time of this writing, still ongoing, I think, albeit slowly (I'm not pushy). I wish I knew where Amaria went, but when she comes back, I hope we can pick this up once more.

Stars Fallen: An IID Casefile, with Jaijin. Sci-fi spies on a Dom/sub planet. At the time of this writing, still ongoing. Jai writes wonderfully, and I'm really looking forward to playing out societal SF like this; the high tech always gives us an out if we need it, but we'll see if the characters can just handle themselves.

Time Enough, with Lady Nightshade. Time travelers have adventures and sex! At the time of this writing, still ongoing. I'm really happy with the broad background sweep of this, and the time travel mechanics make my brain go all pleasantly twisty. When we can jump out of their "present" and go exploring, that ought to be intriguing.

Tarak Tales Background Thread, because I'm really pleased with all the game material I put up, and people can read if they like. Just don't post. :p

Tarak Tales Shake-down: Terror Down Below!, my group RPG, first adventure (shake-down of the rules and process). Explicitly done. Pretty much an online version of a table-top role-playing game, set in my own game world, using adapted d6 rules.

Tarak Tales: Into the Unknown, my group RPG, second adventure (first full adventure). At the time of this writing, still ongoing, I think, albeit slowly (I'm not pushy). See above.

To The Last Syllable, with Bathos. Science fiction, mutants in the megacity bond and then face techno-controlling dangers, assuming the story continues. At the time of this writing, still ongoing, I think, albeit slowly (I'm not pushy). I'm really happy with these characters and how they're interacting, but I do wish Bathos would get back to the story; I'm more emphatic about it than she seems to be.

Worse Monsters Than Zombies, with Rizu. Zombie apocalypse capture-and-rape plot. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind.

Wrecked, with Dawn Dearest. Science fiction "Robinson Crusoe In Space" plot. Another one-post RP start, but I don't know what the deal was in this case. Can be picked up at any time; I don't mind.
 
My PM RPs are rather more varied.

  • * Had an RP taking an Alternate Universe take on the old Elfquest comic, putting in an original character. That was pretty neat; my only fandom RP to date.

    * Did a quick RP based on a Robert Browning poem as a favor to a friend.

    * Fantasy setting with gladitorial combats, where the hero doesn't want to kill, so is forced to rape his opponents to let them live. There's more, of course: political intrigue, sexual politics, love triangles. Very involved, and I would say one of my most intricate efforts to date. Quite proud of it.

    * WWII twisted romance between a doctor who's an unwilling Nazi and a Jewish test subject. Actually quite psychologically complex, and a deep character study. Also very proud of this one.

    * Kidnap plot where the young woman is being forcibly trained to be a petgirl. Fits and starts, but it's also rather complex, and I think reasonably realistic for its rather ludicrous premise. I'm finding lots of thought about institutional domination through this one.

    * Inspired by a dream, a friend asked me to help her run a far-future, decaying civilization action adventure of a mind-wiped soldier coming to independent consciousness in the course of her duties, and trying to flee and make a life for herself. Another SF invention, making it up as we go, and I can barely wait until she feels up to rolling again.

    * Stepsister is enslaved by her stepfather to be given to her stepbrother as a present; this got a good-cop/bad-cop thing going with a sympathetic owner and a harsh, cruel owner. The relationship issues at the start were her request, so I'm happy to work with.

    * An attempt to spin off an alternate timeline from one of my own RPs, adding a third character into the existing two-person dynamic. Stalled, but interesting as far as it goes. My mind is still a little blown at the idea of doing a fandom alternate universe with my own RP.

    * A groupie hangs out with a band, and allows the group of them to start putting the moves on her. Frozen just as it was getting good, but maybe she'll be back.

    * Another stalled PM RP has a pretty young university lab assistant being captured by her professor who is suffering from an overdose of his own virility drug; she goes along with it because of pheromones and all, but it stalled just at a crucial moment.[/list:u]

    I think that about covers it. I just wanted a record of the kind of things I've been doing here. As long as I'm listing my public RPs, might as well give a nod to the ones I'm doing out of public view.
 
I'm writing this up because this isn't the first time this discussion has come up, and I ought to write it down so I can just point to it in future discussions.

The idea I'm discussing is the mechanics of natural selection. ... I sort of feel like I've written about this before, somewhere, but I can't remember where. Damn age. But there was an article a number of years ago in Analog magazine that addressed this. The writer talked about bat skulls being perfectly shaped to receive sonar, and someone he was with said "oh, they must be intelligently designed" and he responded "actually, that's natural selection in action."

Natural selection isn't really random, and it's not conscious, it's taking a number of options, variations, random mutations perhaps, and breeding out what doesn't work. It's sheer reproducibility of an advantage and spreading it until it outcompetes the disadvantaged.

Natural selection isn't a guess, it's a process. My example is guessing one number in a billion. If I had to randomly guess one by one to pick the perfect, correct number, it might take me up to a billion guesses. But by using a natural selection process, it takes only 9, as it turns out, not 11, as I had misremembered.

Step one: is the number in the group of A: 1-100,000,000, B: 100,000,001-200,000,000, C: 200,000,001-300,000,000, D: 300,000,001-400,000,000, E: 400,000,001-500,000,000, F: 500,000,001-600,000,000, G: 600,000,001-700,000,000, H: 700,000,001-800,000,000, I: 800,000,001-900,000,000, or J: 900,000,001-1,000,000,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step two: is the number in the group of A: 1-10,000,000, B: 10,000,001-20,000,000, C: 20,000,001-30,000,000, D: 30,000,001-40,000,000, E: 40,000,001-50,000,000, F: 50,000,001-60,000,000, G: 60,000,001-70,000,000, H: 70,000,001-80,000,000, I: 80,000,001-90,000,000, or J: 90,000,001-100,000,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step three: is the number in the group of A: 1-1,000,000, B: 1,000,001-2,000,000, C: 2,000,001-3,000,000, D: 3,000,001-4,000,000, E: 4,000,001-5,000,000, F: 5,000,001-6,000,000, G: 6,000,001-7,000,000, H: 7,000,001-8,000,000, I: 8,000,001-9,000,000, or J: 9,000,001-10,000,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step four: is the number in the group of A: 1-100,000, B: 100,001-200,000, C: 200,001-300,000, D: 300,001-400,000, E: 400,001-500,000, F: 500,001-600,000, G: 600,001-700,000, H: 700,001-800,000, I: 800,001-900,000, or J: 900,001-1,000,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step five: is the number in the group of A: 1-10,000, B: 10,001-20,000, C: 20,001-30,000, D: 30,001-40,000, E: 40,001-50,000, F: 50,001-60,000, G: 60,001-70,000, H: 70,001-80,000, I: 80,001-90,000, or J: 90,001-100,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step six: is the number in the group of A: 1-1,000, B: 1,001-2,000, C: 2,001-3,000, D: 3,001-4,000, E: 4,001-5,000, F: 5,001-6,000, G: 6,001-7,000, H: 7,001-8,000, I: 8,001-9,000, or J: 9,001-10,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step seven: is the number in the group of A: 1-100, B: 101-200, C: 201-300, D: 301-400, E: 401-500, F: 501-600, G: 601-700, H: 701-800, I: 801-900, or J: 901-1,000? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step eight: is the number in the group of A: 1-10, B: 11-20, C: 21-30, D: 31-40, E: 41-50, F: 51-60, G: 61-70, H: 71-80, I: 81-90, or J: 91-100? Natural selection would find the ideal group for the perfect answer. In this case, that group is A.

Step nine: is the number A: 1, B: 2, C: 3, D: 4, E: 5, F: 6, G: 7, H: 8, I: 9, or J: 10? Natural selection would find the ideal solution for the perfect answer. In this case, that answer is G: lucky number 7.

Nine steps (generations) out of a billion numbers (possible genetic variations) to select the correct number (perfect adaptation). And most of the time, the number of possible variations isn't going to be a billion. There's the classic story of these moths in England. They generally liked to perch on these white-barked birch trees, which meant that dark-winged moths were rare, as they were frequently seen by local birds and eaten. Then they built a factory next to the grove of birch trees, and the Industrial Revolution factory smoke dirtied up all the trees. In addition to the withering of the plants, within a couple of years white-winged moths were in very short supply, while dark-winged moths were flourishing as well as any insect could flourish under those pollution conditions. That's an adaptation to environmental pressures that took place very quickly, as natural selection does take place very quickly.

It's said that adaptation only happens under pressure. And yes, things change quickly after, say, a volcanic eruption or a massive flood or earthquake or climate shift. But simply living in the natural world is pressure: parasites attacking your systems, being hunted by predators, being able to find food, it's all pressure. So things can happen damn fast, even without a catastrophe, depending on what it's happening. Natural selection is a wondrous thing.
 
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