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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

*hugs hahvy*

i'd block him. and if you still have issues, change your email address and other such things. it's a pain, but worth it in the end. i wish you weren't going through this, sweetie.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

He's only ever contacted me on AIM, so I don't think it will be a problem. But he tried to be sneaky and get my facebook name. I was like "uh, no. We are not friends on facebook. I would know."​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Dear old Dad

"Well shay, like all the decisions we make in life, there are pro's and cons, but you haven't had to deal with too many Cons since so much has been provided for you. But as you say you are an adult and have to make a decision. Since I provide all your payments for school and rent and put money into a savings account for you, I too can put requirements on those benefits, just like those you will find when you start your career. So my requirement is no more tatoo's and no piercings. You are an adult so this is your choice. You can choice the piercing and lose you payments after this semester, or not get the piercing and continue with all the support you currently enjoy. this is a real ADULT decision that has consequences for you that correlates to about 39 thousand dollars. Here is your first real big ADULT decision to make. YOUR CHOICE. My job as a parent to provide and prepare you for life didn't end when you turned 18. I could stop being a parent and just agree with everything you do, but that isn't being a parent. I love you too much to not push you to make the rigtht choices in life.
Love you dad "

This is what my dad wrote to me when I told him I wasn't joking about getting my nose pierced. Does this sound like a parent to you? A parent that actually cares? Or someone threatening to ruin someone's life because of something so insubstantial as a piercing? Does it sound petty? Does it sound like a child not getting its way?

My father has decided that I don't suffer in my life so he's making sure that I will if I go through with this. No need to tell him that I already have it pierced. I'm going to lose my father over a piercing if I don't remove it because he needs to find a way to control me. He'll threaten my entire way of life because he can't do anything else. That doesn't sound like a parent to me. Nor does it sound like a "loving" parent. I haven't worked my ass off, cried and bled to be where I am to have it all fall apart because of him. He's barely been in my life and yet he'll do this. Why? Because he can't do anything else and he can't truly stop me except by threatening me. I wish I could say that I don't really need his money. I know my parents would be able to work something out so I can keep living like I do. But then I'll just owe them money I don't have to give. My mom has told me not to worry and to come home when she gets out of work. But it's not JUST MY LIFE that he's going to fuck up. My roommate lives with me and he doesn't need to go back to his house when his parents fight constantly and are barely able to keep their marriage together. My dad tells me to make decisions and yet he bars my way from actually doing so because he doesn't approve. Because he's not really my dad. He's my "Superior officer."

I'm extremely fucked up over this right now because I've worked so fucking hard to go to school. And now he's threatening to try and take it all away because he wants to have his way. He's trying to stop me from being myself because he hates me. And honestly, he does. He only loves me because I spawned from his sperm. That's the only real reason. He doesn't approve of anything I do. Being a parent is about allowing your children to experience life, whether you approve or not. My father thinks it's about completely controlling your children and trying to mold them into little clones. I can't be what he wants. I've never been what he wants. And I'm just...so done. I don't know what to do right now. I can't stop crying and it's taking all of my will power not to slip into a panic attack. I just can't believe he would go this far over a piercing. A PIERCING. I just can't believe that I might lose everything over a piercing because my father is a petty motherfucker.

This is the man that makes me feel like everything is wrong with me. Like I'm never good enough for anyone to love. Like no one could ever want to be with me because I'm a freak. Because I'm so horrendously different, I can't be lovable. That I'm something to be shunned and belittled because I don't follow orders. Is it any wonder why some days I can't stand myself? I wish my father would turn into payments and never talk to me again most days. I tried to see if I could have some semblance of a relationship with him, if I could salvage what might be there, but I see now that there's nothing to really save. We're polite strangers to each other it seems. If you could call my father polite. I worked so long for his approval and realize now that I never really had it to begin with. This information destroys me. I see now that my real father has been my stepfather all along. I don't know what to do with myself right now but I really wish I could close my eyes and not wake up for a long time.

What did I do in a past life to deserve this?​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

*hugs hugs hugs*
i know it's hard right now, but we're all thinking about you and cheering for you. try your best to calm down (i know that's easier said than done) and talk with the people who care for you, namely your mom and stepdad, along with those who know your rights and options (your VA contact). something will be worked out somehow. you'll be in my thoughts, sweetie.
*more hugs*
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

He's using false logic, anyway. He's not supposed to be teaching you "the right" decisions, because that point in time has long past. He should have been teaching you to make your own decisions, and live with the consequences. Which you're doing. But his logic is false, too. For every job you could get that would have a problem with a nose piercing, there's another that doesn't. But you can't go out and get a new father. And he'll always be the guy who cut off his daughter cold because she got a piercing that she could get bored of in a year or two and take out and nobody would ever know about it again. Yeah, that's really exerting your power and will, big man. All you're doing is alienating your children. Congrats.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Completely ridiculous. I could see his point if you were, say, tattooing a swastika on your face, but a nose piercing? Goddamn. You can take it out!

My advice would be to tell him okay, he's right, and then keep the piercing and just take it out whenever you see him. Sure, it won't make you feel better, but you are circumventing his control on your life. (But then again, I tell lies to everyone if I think the lie will make them happier.)

I think, that at one point, we all need to accept that the way our parents are is not our fault and that we must live with them. His faults are not a reflection on you, and it is necessary to bear with them for the time being. It is not your fault, and you are definitely not unlovable. You are kind, charming and pretty. I know that because he is your father his opinion can seem so important, but our parents are not the ones who decide who we are.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Better Note

Things are going okay for my vacation. Just been sleeping mostly, like I said to all my professors. I need to do some work this week and get some stuff done for school and do some studying, but I think I'm doing okay on that end. I also just realized I have work this upcoming Sunday. FUCK. Oh well, I can deal with that and just study while at work if it isn't packed with students needing help. Hopefully I didn't miss an assignment like I thought. o_O I will have to check up on that tomorrow since I'm too tired to do it now. I'm getting a bigger bed tomorrow thankfully. And getting paid and have to pay Jon like 100$ cause I forgot I said I would pay for half his tongue ring which was 60$ so I'm paying thirty plus what I owe him for groceries. Dx So I might ask Mummy dearest to transfer me some monies for groceries and whatnot from my VA account. Finding it easier to just let things go when certain people talk to me. Been missing some people, getting closer to others and being made to feel better about myself because of it.

I'm a good person and pretty and deserving of love. I'm just still trying to get used to it.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

nice to see some positives... yay! and yes, hahvy. you most certainly are deserving of love! never forget that. ever! <333
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Thanks, peoples. O:

Work is boring right now and I'm reading a good book. I keep laughing at stuff that is just so humorous. The party last night was good until people got sick out of their minds and I had to take care of them. I didn't mind but it was like "really, why did you drink so much?" D: Emotional drunks are hard to deal with plus couple drama. But it worked out in the end though I didn't really sleep more than a few hours max. And they spilled some fruity alcohol onto my coffee table and hardwood floors. Thankfully, it came off without damaging the floor or the coffee table. Party foul I didn't even know about! Overall, it was an okay night though not as many people showed up as was expected. But alas, good times were had!​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Feeling a little bit down about stuff. Not going into details, but eh. Kind of feeling some hurt is all. Will be back to my upbeat and sarcastic self later.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Upset and that's all there is to it so letting myself get pissed to deal with it rather than breaking down at work because it's not something my co-workers need to deal with. Didn't see this coming and it still hurts to see it in black and white. And the person I would go to to talk about this shit just had to get himself landed in jail. Damnit, damnit, damnit. Just fucking pissed and upset.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Who has you pissed off and how soon do you need a knee cap broken?
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Thanks, you guys. And lol, Era. I <3 you to pieces. No knee caps need to be broken, though.

On a side note- worried about stuff, specifically someone because of how last night went. Sent him an apology text message because it was early in the morning and don't expect an answer, but it's okay. It's all I can do, right? Just sorting through all the emotions and feelings is hard work and I'm just exhausted from all of it. I just hope he and I can still be friends and find some real balance after he takes time to himself. Timing was sucktastic, of course but in the end, I think things will work itself out. Nothing much else I can do except go on with life and not worry about it because worrying too much makes me sick.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I <3 to pieces as well, and just know that if you ever need someone's kneecap broken or a spleen ripped out, I'm here for you. Also for the less gory declarations of friendship and love like listening to you or saying a stupid joke to make you laugh. You have my number, never be afraid to call me if you just need someone to hear you go, "ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!"
 
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