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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I always feel like a mutant when you do that because I have too many thoughts to think about and then you pretty much go "STOP IT. >8U" and they go, "Uh...we're leaving. D8" I better just give up on whatever I'm expecting, eh? Just try to have some hope that I'll have a good time.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Mr Master said:
There's an old saying: the saddest thing you can say is "I should've..."

The times when you run into the problem of being disappointed is when you have expectations. If you can get over expecting much of anything, then whatever happens is a good thing, in part because it's just so damned new.

I'd say it's up to whether or not you can just not expect too much. If you're willing to enter into it with a "let's see what's out there," and just have a bare minimum of things you predict are going to happen (like, "I'll meet X and Y," without trying to think about what's going to happen after that), then I think you should go. You'll travel someplace new, you'll see things you've not seen before, you're... are you going solo, or with a friend? Not with family, right? So that's always an adventure. Do a few touristy things, meet some people in the flesh that you haven't met before.

It sounds like it would be utterly awesome. But there's that overthinking. You predict and expect and fret about whether it's going to go right. Well, if there's no pre-set plan, then however it goes is "right," no matter what that is. You can hope the people you meet are going to be as nice in person as on the internet, but if you don't predicate anything on that being true, then they can be whatever. You can hit it off or not. It's all about what you go into it with.

Now, I know telling you not to develop expectations is like telling a fish it's got to ride a bicycle, but I think you can at least work on it. If you consciously work on trying to eliminate your expectations, that might be successful.

Don't let fear and worries about what might happen keep you from enjoying what could be a wonderful experience. Take steps to protect yourself if you must, but don't just write it off out of fear, hon.
Yeah, pretty much
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
I always feel like a mutant when you do that because I have too many thoughts to think about and then you pretty much go "STOP IT. >8U" and they go, "Uh...we're leaving. D8" I better just give up on whatever I'm expecting, eh? Just try to have some hope that I'll have a good time.​
D8-- You're no mutant, hon. It happens to everyone; it's completely natural to overthink and to develop expectations. That's why it takes effort to avoid expectations. Hell, there's whole philosophies on it (basic Buddhism, for one).

The whole reason I have to mention it is because it's difficult to do. It's hard to stop and go "hey, I'm overthinking it, and making myself messed up." Sometimes you have to have someone remind you of what you probably should already know. Happens to me all the time.

You're no mutant. You're a thinker, and that's often good. But sometimes it gets in the way. And I think when you look back on it, you'd want to have gone out there, if nothing else just to have seen the country out there. There's going to be more involved than just people and being worried about that. Think about everything else, and then just stop beating yourself up about it. :) You'll be fine, you'll have a great time. Don't let yourself overthink yourself, m'dear.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I'm visiting washington too Hahvy, in March over my spring break. ^_^
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I, personally, value my own life through how many experiences I am able to live through before I die.

Adventures of this sort rarely come about, at least it'd be a cool story for future parties eh?
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Nyoko said:
I'm visiting washington too Hahvy, in March over my spring break. ^_^

Woots. Zal is driving up to visit me during his spring break.

@ MM: Blaaaah. Fine.

@DJ: >.> Yeah, yeah. -accepts-

Blah. I'll go and have fun. >8u​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

WTF.

Is everyone going to WA? If so, I wanna go!

~jumps up and down, still in the bondage cheerleader outfit~
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I will have the power to make grown men weep. 8D

And Kite should go and we can make it a party?

@Nyoko: He's coming up I think the 11th or something.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
I will have the power to make grown men weep. 8D

And Kite should go and we can make it a party?

@Nyoko: He's coming up I think the 11th or something.​

Of Febuary? Or March?
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

We Are Strong But We Don't Belong- Born in This World as It All falls Apart​

The title of this post really has nothing to do with what I'm putting down. I'm listening to Young by Hollywood Undead and it's just a really good lyric that I like. The song itself is very good, too. Anyways.

I'm just sort of unsure. I'm trying to deal with certain things without over-analyzing, which seems to be what I've been doing lately. I've never really had this well of confidence to draw from unless it comes to my brain. I'm smart, quite smart, but I never really considered my looks as anything special. I'm better than I used to be- a lot better- but still not all that confident. I get easily deterred if I feel the situation is bleak or just seems like it. I'm a competitive person, but only with sports and grades. Outside of that, I'll compete with video games- any kind of game- but when it comes to trying to get someone's attention? I do try, but only to a certain point. I'm quite affectionate as it helps me relax and connect with people but if I feel someone else is "doing a better job than me," I sort of just give up. I've been passed over a lot, so it's almost easy to just let that stuff go. But I'm not trying to keep that mentality- that I'm not worthy of someone's time just because some other girl has what they are looking for. I have plenty to offer, I know, but it seems I keep offering to the wrong guys- or they are all idiots and I should move to another state. Anyways

I do fine with playful and silly attention, but when people start getting serious about something they might want from me, I just back away. I try not to, especially if I want their affections, but I try not to assume that they mean business- especially if they have been sleeping/doing things with other people. But it also has to do with confronting my sexuality, which is an issue some days. I know I'm bisexual, and I think at times that I'm okay with that aspect of myself, but in actuality, I'm not all that okay with it. I don't like being in between. I don't like being this 50-50 person who can't choose which gender to be with because she likes both. I like men more than women-mostly because women are emotionally draining at times and needy, though not all of them are like that and men can be the same way- but men have more appeal. Women are very beautiful to me and have their own sexual attraction for me, but men just grab me. Probably because I know women so well-most of the time- men hold more something. I can't really describe it. I just get along better with them in general and just hold a certain something.

It's one thing to be a sex object and another to be datable, to be the kind of girl you'd want your parents to approve of-or not. Or maybe those things go hand in hand? I don't know mentalities well enough to know if those things can be separated depending on the person. Most of the time, if you wanna date someone, you wanna bang them, too. I know, I'm not stupid. But I don't have experience with this. I had a pretty innocent relationship with my ex-despite the sex. I don't know "adult" dating and rules of play. I want to have fun and be able to keep myself from getting hurt. But how? How can someone like me do that when being affectionate and cuddly, and overall physical gets me more connected with someone? Allows them into my heart by degrees? Allows the emotional connection to strengthen? I can distance myself- I've done it- but still. I just wonder how to deal with affection from so many people- or at least mild interest. It's something else for me to learn. I'm always learning.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

All those bits about 'not getting hurt'? Trash those right now. No way to avoid it. But worse things then some pain have happened, and the pain will make you stronger, smarter, and more capable.

You're making good progress. I'm proud of you, Hahvoc.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

And you always have your friends to help through the times if you get hurt.

Though moving might be a idea to consider. You wont just want to pack up and move, especially if you have close family or friends. I just know people who have stayed in the same place for 20 years and can't find a person they connect with. So a change of scenery is nice, if moving is to drastic, travel! I always meet new people when I travel.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Black Light Party~!

Woots! Today I'm going to my friend's birthday party and her theme for it is Black Light party! I'm so excited. I have to get a white t-shirt and decorate it, but I've been waiting for a party like this FOREVER. I can hardly wait to go and just get my mind off some things that have been bothering me lately and making me think too much about them. Now I need to shower. Ta-ta!
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Huge Fight Resolved

I don't like fighting with friends, but I will do so when provoked. I didn't like how one of my friends was acting toward another friend's sex life aka my roommate's sex life. We got into a huge fight, called each other names and all that good shit that goes down with a fight. I don't regret a thing I said and we both ended up apologizing and pretty much to agree to disagree. And she proved something to me that I didn't actually expect. If she hadn't wanted to stay friends (which I thought she honestly didn't) she would have stopped texting me. I don't know her exactly like I used to, but that isn't surprising after everything that happened from the start of high school until now. Shit happens, it just is how it is. I think she gets so uptight because I'm laid back, as Duchy pointed out to me. It's your life, if I think you're doing stupid shit, I'll point it out to you and hope you'll heed my words, but I can't control you and your life and won't try because I'm not your mother. I can say over and over again I don't like you doing drugs, having lots of sex, etc, etc, but it's your choice to change. I'll still love you because I care, but I won't support those decisions. I am a good friend, damnit, and loyal to a fault- once you got me, you have me until you fuck up royally.

In other news!

Still feeling a bit down about something that was said with someone else, but it's just whatever. I seem to be getting too attached to them or maybe it just seems like it. I'm not so worried about rejection cause it's not like there is anything we can do but stay apart. And not being given much of a chance is rough, but I understand the need for distance from all sides and I'm working on it myself. -shrug-

And kind of getting close to someone else- though it seems more like playfully sexual friendship. If that's even possible, ha, ha. It's nice to have someone around like that to just talk about random shit and be goofy and not truly worry about what they think about me. Though I need to start going to sleep earlier! Fuck, I have to get ready for work in like 20 minutes or so and I don't want to go to work. >: But oh well, gotta make some money.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I was going to put a huge rant in here, but the stupid motherfucking fagget ass computer of mine decided it wanted to go back a page and not save my data when I pressed the forward button so now I'm even more pissed. THANKS A FUCKING LOT YOU STUPID ASS FUCKING INTERNET PAGE THAT SHOULD ROT IN A GODFORSAKEN VAT OF ACID AND SPITE. FUCK YOU.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

that happens to me all the time....dont you hate it when that happens lmao. sorry tho.... ._.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Him/It/This/Then/Now

This is as far as it goes.
This carousel.
This structure.
This plan.
It all fades to shadows.

"It's okay,"
Doesn't mean it is.
"It's fine,"
Isn't always fine.
A laugh isn't always true.

The smile is forced
But wanted so badly.
The sense of rightness
And purpose,
Obtained with falsity.

Not everything is tragic.
Not everything so bleak.
Not everything so heartless
Or people so blind and meek.
Not everything suffers.

An emotion can consume,
Destroy,
Renew,
Empower,
And confuse.

It plagues this mind,
This heart,
These thoughts.
Is it worth it?
Will it fall apart?

No expectations,
No safety net,
No inclinations
To forget.
It's a free fall.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe back,
Take in.
Things start here.

No set plan,
Not this time.
Arms open,
Eyes closed,
This is the story.

A story of
Letting go,
Knowing that
No one might catch
The soul.

Holding back,
Coming forward,
Things will not
Be taken straight.
Only experience.

One more breath,
One more sigh,
One last kiss,
To the pastel sky,
These things will change.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Bluecollarshawn


I don't know who this guy is, but I think he's IMed me before and I honestly have no idea who he is and it's creeping me out that he has my AIM information and he's never been on my buddylist for any reason whatsoever. The only place that has my AIM is facebook and Gaia- I think- and I don't have any Shawns except for my dad on my facebook. This is creeping me out.
 
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