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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

So our wedding theme is Ocean Zelda and I'm really not sure what the colors should be. Honestly, I said blue and silver and he laughed at me. The asshole.

Anyways, I found a really beautiful gown but since it's only available online, I'm gonna keep looking around to see if I can potentially find anything that I can try on in an actual store. [But it's really pretty!]

Still, I want a lower cost dress, so online is pretty much the way to go unless I can find someone local who might be able to make me a dress. [Love local stores.]

I'll just have to see. I doubt they would understand what I'm going for with this dress but you never know.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

So annoyed and stressed.

We have nothing solid on the wedding and other people are stressing me out already.

Don't guilt trip me because my cousin asked me on facebook if we had a date and I gave a ballpark and you wanted to know first and were annoyed that she asked you BECAUSE SHE ASKED YOU WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND THAT IS NOT OKAY. You have no right to be upset when I wasn't even consulted when WE. DO NOT HAVE. A SOLID. DATE. YET.


AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

/ragequit
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

That moment when you realize you haven't written anything in quite some time and you know, down to your bones and deeper, that that is the only way [amongst other smaller things] that you'll find happiness with what you are doing with your life.

I love the person I am with, I love that I am able to help support us.

However, I do not love my job nor do I hate it, but I do hate that the fluctuations of my schedule have made things a little more difficult on a life scale.

I know my kitties miss me because they follow me around [when I'm awake and home] and whine.

I miss my lover and best friend more every day because the time we spend awake together gets smaller with every schedule change.

But at least I know that my late nights won't last forever and we can stick it out. I also know I won't be at this job forever and will launch a writing career that I can be proud of while also feeling more at home with myself.

I also know that when things stabilize better, I won't be as stressed out about wedding planning and finding everything we both want for more than just the wedding and reception.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Been sick and in pain for the past week.

On antibiotics and shit.

Not fun.


DO NOT GET MRSA. IT IS HORRIBLE.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Some updates:

Leg is ten times better and our two year anniversary is next sunday.

We are gonna see about going to a local fair! Woo!

I've finally started losing weight so I'm happy with my small progress so far. I need to lose some more but I'm glad I was able to reach a weight loss goal I had set.

We do plan on moving out west but it won't be until spring. We plan on getting a house so there's that.

Work is...work. Hopefully my schedule will change soon.

I have so many ideas for books rattling around in my brain that i need to give myself some time to write.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

2 year anniversary was today.

That part was good and the rest was so shitty and draining i don't want to even type it out.

Thankfully, today is ending soon with Princess Bride.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I read a quote the other day that said, "Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness." And it has stuck with me every day since I read it, so much in fact, I plan on getting it as a tattoo maybe on my wrist or somewhere else. It is true. It is so easy to love someone who is bright and shining while someone next to them is shadowed and subdued. I felt like that most of my life- and sometimes I still do. Being passed over for not being "bubbly" or "too withdrawn" can make you feel darker at times before you realize you do, in fact, have your own light.

You just need to find the right person who is willing to look into your darkness to find it.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Today, I've aged.
Yet I've aged every minute of every second,
Of every month and year,
Like a cask of wine,
Forgotten throughout time.
But that age is more than just a tally,
It's experience, knowledge, and a molding of oneself.
It is a perpetuating motion of change and discovery.
It is a movement of the soul and of the heart.
So be still, youth, for thou art with me,
Until I cast thee aside.
But today is not that day nor this year,
For I shall hold you close as we age together
And withdraw from fear.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I have so much shopping to do. Stress sucks.

We're gonna be moving! We will be going to Seattle in the spring. :3 Hopefully, everything will go well.

I didn't make it known, but I had to put down my beloved old furbaby Ziggy. I miss him, especially with christmas just a few days away. I keep waking up thinking he'll come trotting in and asking for his food. It's tough. Some day, I know it will really hit me. I don't know when but I know he's gone and won't come home unless he's in an urn so I'm trying to make peace with it. Work stress doesn't help this process.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Getting married in May and then probably moving after that.

Been mia for quite some time but i figured a life update was in order. I have a lor of book ideas running through my mind so maybe I'll post something about those ideas at another time.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Every time I come on here, I am shocked to see how many views my journal has. When I started writing it, it was really just a space for me to vent and hash out details of my life that I felt needed to be "put out there" so to speak. Not really put out there for anyone in particular or with anyone in mind, but for me to-in part- find some type of closer for shit that was going on and have a "safe space" away from the bullshit and prying eyes of people who felt like they needed to be witness to everything. This journal has and always will be a home away from home for me as I move forward in my life. I've lost people, things, myself, and other important things over the course of the seven years [round abouts] that I've been a member. It's crazy to think I started this journal when I was barely an adult and now I'm on the verge of getting married and we are thinking about getting a house somewhere and moving across the country. It's strange to think about those things, the things I've accomplished and the things I've yet to do, and realize that I'm still here even when there were times when I really didn't think I would make it this far.

I stopped writing for a long time because of so many factors, but mostly, I lost faith in myself and my ability to write, and just focused on paying bills and getting by. I realize that, almost daily, that it isn't living to just survive and pay bills. I do love aspects of my life, but there are certainly parts I could do without. But I am going to make sure that one day I get published. I have so many new ideas drifting in and out and I really - really!- want to be able to share those with others in the type of medium that would make sense and finally pull those ideas into a cohesive story world. I want to reach people, pull emotion from them, and maybe give them something new to think about like all the books I've read have done for me. I want to write a book where you truly connect with the characters, fall in love with them, and feel what they feel in some manner or another.

I want to be an author. I want to reach people with words that I can write but cannot speak.

I will be an author one day. Wish me luck and bear with me.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

It's not. But just roll with it. Enjoy the fact that it means you both can celebrate your union. Forget all the silly frills even if they make others happy. Those aren't what make it special. Always remember that. Love you, sweetie. So proud of you. So happy for you. <333
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I wish you could come to the wedding. :/

Keep me sane!

We had to change our wedding date but at least we have a really nice venue.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Losing my mind and slowly realizing every time I watch yaoi anime, I'm both people in the relationship.

The struggles of a Switch.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Kill me now.

I ordered something and now have to bend it into place and have no fucking idea how to do that so I'm pissed and sick and annoyed.

Really don't need this.

Wedding is in 15 days.

Fuck.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

13 days.

I think I'm gonna die.

I'm so nervous and excited at the same time..

Also crazy to think my journal has so many views. I doubt many are reading it now since it's so clipped but damn, I appreciate any and all silent support.

Now to sleep.
 
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