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Internet Relationships

Mei

Star
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
      • So, I'm talking to one of my friends, and she mentions to me that she's met someone on FaceBook that she's interested in.

        Already, my red flags are going up.
        Then she says that he lives in Canada.
        Second flag.
        Then she mentions that he's 23. (She's 16, 17 in October.)
        Third flag.
        And then, here's the kicker, she's never seen a picture of him, she doesn't know anything about him except that he lives in Ontario, and she only knows him for three weeks. She says that the man is simply 'secretive' and doesn't like to 'have hsi information on the Internet' (or something like that).

        She claims that she's in love with him, and vice-versa.

        I'm worried, mostly because she does plan on meeting him, and frankly, I'm freaked out. I want to kick her, and shake her, and scream at her, 'WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!'
        I've explained to her about Internet predators, especially since this guy KNOWS that she's underage.

        Now, this is probably pretty shitty of me, but I borrowed her cellphone, and went through her contacts and call-records. I've found this guy's cellphone number, and I do know his name, and I've run a search for him on the Internet. I've found nothing, although if that's my failure at searching, or if because there is actually NOTHING on him, I don't know.

        My friend isn't listening to me, and I don't know what to do. : / I'm also wondering if someone would be willing to help me find some information on this guy. . . I'm really concerned for my friend, because she's the total push-over sort of person, who is easily manipulated.

        So...uh, yeah.

        Advice/help/etc, whatever. ^^;[/list:u][/list:u][/list:u]
 
Its wonderful you are concerned for your friend. But sometimes some lessons need to be learned the hard way. Sometimes Internet stuff works out. Sometimes it doesn't, shit happens.
 
    • I understand the 'hard lesson', but not if that means letting my friend meet a total stranger and getting molested and raped.

      I AM, however, willing to let her take the fall if the relationship stays Internet only, with no face-to-face contact (meaning, if she gets heartbroken over a fucking online relationship, that's her own fault).
      [/list:u][/list:u]
 
If you are so worried over her, go WITH HER. When she plans to meet him, it's as simple as that. Make sure she doesn't go alone.
 
      • I plan on it, if they do decide to meet up.
        However, she's probably not going to tell me where/when they're going to meet, since she knows I disapprove of it so much.[/list:u][/list:u][/list:u]
 
I'd vote for a bitchwakethefuckup slap.

In all honesty, you cannot stop a woman who is head over heels for a man; even if it is an internet relationship. However, someone can claim to 'love' someone, when there hasn't even been a picture of him/her/it that she has yet to see. She's young and stupid, from what I can tell. At least when I had internet relationships when I was her age, I had proof that they were really the person I was cybering with talking to.
 
I can try to rustle up some information, if you'd like, seeing as I do have something of a reputation for it... IM me sometime and I'll see what I can do.
 
      • Yeah, I figured as much, that the bitchwakethefuckup slap would probably be my best bet.

        And Trygon, I'll take you up on that offer, later today~[/list:u][/list:u][/list:u]
 
If she's only been talking to him for 3 weeks and she's saying she's in love with him, then I'd guess that she will just find someone new once she gets bored of him and realizes how creepy he is. >_< I don't think you can really fall in love with someone in just 3 weeks, especially with no real information on them. I'd guess that it's just a little phase where she met a mysterious guy, who could be really cute, who could be nice, who could be the right guy for her. Just hope she comes to her senses before she decides to meet up with him.
Or you know, you could always just get his e-mail address or screen name and start talking to him. See if he starts to "fall in love" with you too, then show her that he's just some creepy online predator/player. Then she would have to be stupid to keep even an online relationship with him.
 
At its simplest, its the shield and filter effect. You are both protected by the magical wall of the internet and thus you get comfortable. He filters information to her and she to him. In essence in these three weeks neither probably knows who the other really is. However they have at least constructed desirable constructs of themselves for the other. He seems to have done more so than her in that she doesn't know much about him yet seems so drawn to him. He's pulled her in and she wants to know more because she likes what little she does know and hopes the rest will be to her enjoyment. Simply put, if you want to stop it, break her confidence in the construct. Find the smallest flaw in his logic, patterns, or information then exploit it, eventually the rest will begin to crack as well. If you want to give it a shot, make it a very public place, a place where he has no chance of whisking her or you away, stunning you, etc. I'd say bring someone with you who will watch from a distance. Make sure you tell her every single horror story you can find of kidnappings, beatings, rapes, etc at the hands of online predators to make sure she's actually prepared for the concept of meeting an internet person and the very real repercussions of such a meeting going awry and that she needs to recognize it and leave instantly. If she's 16 even though the legal age in canada is 14 in most parts I'm pretty sure its higher in Ontario isn't it? He's likely a guy who either can't or doesn't really try to get women his own age and thus looks to younger women, in any case something is quite wrong. I mean it could all be wrong, he could be a sweet caring guy who cares for her for who she is, but he'd be willing to wait and sort things out properly if that were the case.
 
It is good that you look out for your friend, but I understand her pov, I too give little info out on the net, I think you should talk to this guy and see what is deal is.
 
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